"Wei Ying! Stop this. Cultivating resentful energy… do you know what it will do to you? There is a price to pay for this."

"I know that, Lan WangJi," Wei WuXian retorted. It wasn't unusual to see cultivators playing their musical instruments during battles. Especially the Lan whose instruments were as deadly as their swords. Seeing the YunMengJian head disciple playing his dizi was unusual the first two or three times. Lan WangJi was the only one to connect Wei WuXian's dizi to the emergence of corpses rising from the battlefield to attack their former comrades. "Do you really think I don't know the cost?" He angrily swiped away the moisture on his upper lip only to see it wasn't sweat or mucus; it was blood. "Fuck!" He tilted his head up and pressed a wadded up corner of his sleeve to his nose. "Fourth fucking nosebleed this week."

Lan WangJi pulled the sleeve away. "Stop using your dirty clothing. Use a handkerchief." From a lapel pocket, he removed a sparkling white piece of cloth. "Use this," he ordered.

Wei WuXian stifled his laugh. He was too tired to laugh properly. "You'd rather I dirty up your handkerchief than use a cleanish corner of my robes which I have to wash tonight anyways?" He snorted. "It's a nosebleed not a wound. A little dirt isn't going to hurt me."

The conversation was repeated in harsh whispers at night in their tent and at the end of battles with Wei WuXian feeling the effects of resentful energy more and more. He was tired all the time. Weakened more and more with each successive battle. The nosebleeds took longer and longer to stop. And once, after a particularly long battle, he'd bled a bit from an ear. He was able to conceal that with his hair.

Back at Mo Manor, he started to regain his previous health; with no need to use the tiger seal, the strain on his body lessened. Unfortunately, Lan WangJi did not stop harassing him. Finally, one night, Wei WuXian stopped arguing and instead, softly said, "I know the costs, Lan Zhan. I knew them before I started this. I know what is going to happen to me. I'm fine with it. Really. This is war, Lan Zhan. People die. Good people, bad people. Innocent people. I have the knowledge and ability to prevent some of those deaths.

"Lan Zhan…. You are a very different person than I am. And not just because you're a Lan and I'm a Wei. I mean…. You're an heir. I'm a disciple."

"I'm a disciple, too," Lan WangJi insisted.

"No, not like this," Wei WuXian laughed weakly. "When the Wen burned down Cloud Recesses, your brother was sent to safety. Because he needed to survive the attack. Had you been there, you would have been sent away, too. If I were a Lan? Maybe I would have been sent with you as a guard. And maybe I would have been ordered to try to protect the Sect's holdings. You're the heir; you need to survive.

"Uncle Jiang found me when I was nine, did you know that? My parents died when I was four; I lived on scraps for years. But that's not relevant. Uncle Jiang found me, probably by accident, and brought me home to be Jiang Cheng's ShiXiong. That position came with one instruction: to protect Jiang Cheng at any cost. No price would be too high."

"You were nine…" Lan WangJi whispered.

"I was nine, and my life and my death belonged to my ShiDi. I'm eighteen and the only part of that that's changed is that my ShiDi has become my Sect leader. My life? It's not mine to lose. I am to protect him and the Sect even at the expense of my life. This new method of cultivation? Well, it's not really new, since…." Wei WuXian allowed his voice to trail off. The Nie secrets were not his to reveal. "I know what it's going to do to my body, what it is already doing to my body. I know there is the very real possibility that I will die from it. And even if I live to see the end of the war, other people will figure it out. I'm sure your Lan elders will want to lock me up for heresy if not outright kill me. Jiang Cheng will probably want to protect me; with our clan in shambles he'll need the support of the Allies, not alienate them by standing by my side. I think I can count on Nie MingJue to make my death clean and simple. Why are you crying?"

There were fat tears streaming down Lan WangJi's face. "Why do you do this if it means your death at the end?"

"Because…. Just because." He sighed heavily. "There are still over five thousand cultivators in this army, Lan Zhan. How many can I save by doing this unorthodox cultivation? A hundred? A thousand? What is one life worth against the lives of a hundred, a thousand other people? We're all going to die sometime. Except you, maybe. You are good enough you can probably cultivate to immortality."

"Teach me," Lan WangJi ordered, ignoring the tears still coming down. "Teach me to share this burden with you. I can… together we can slow the progression of your qi deviations."

"No."

"Teach me! If I am by your side, who would dare accuse you of unorthodox methods?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're Lan fucking WangJi! The younger twin jade of Gusu! You are… Lan Zhan. Understand this. You are one of the ones to be protected! Those hundred cultivators I would save? They will all give their lives for you and not hesitate. Me? I'm no one. Born to a servant; I probably shouldn't even be able to cultivate because of who I am. No family. Jiang Cheng might think about giving his life to protect me, but he can't. He's the Sect leader. He has Shijie to take care of. He has to live. Just as you have to live."

Now it was the older boy's turn to say, "No."

Wei WuXian huffed in exasperation. "Do you really not understand? Or are you deliberately not understanding?"

"I don't accept your premise."

"What premise?"

"That Wei Ying must die in order for us to win the war. Stop cultivating that path. Leave the dead alone. We will defeat Wen RuoHan and his armies because we are in the right."

That made Wei WuXian snort again. "History texts are full of stories about people who were right. Being in the right did not make them become any less dead."

That conversation ended in a cold-war stalemate that was obvious to everyone who cared about them. Jiang YanLi tried to break their animosity by cooking soup for them. Wei WuXian responded by being far too jovial with Jiang Cheng and not even looking at his roommate. Lan WangJi was polite as always; his disdain for his roommates' antics was obvious.

Wei WuXian even started sitting apart from Lan WangJi during strategy meetings; even unconsciously, his eyes didn't linger on the man. Instead, he sat with Nie HuaiSang and talked quietly about nonsense the entire time. Well, until they were shushed. The weather was just starting to turn; the winter cold was gradually being replaced by spring rains and mud when Wei WuXian looked around the room and whispered, "Where is Meng Yao today?"

Nie HuaiSang flicked his fan shut. "Meng Yao? Why would you ask where Meng Yao is? Dead for all I care."

"Dead?" Wei WuXian was puzzled. "I thought he was one of your brother's favorite advisors."

"WeiXiong…. Did you not hear what he did?"

"No."

Nie HuaiSang flicked his fan open again and used it to hide his mouth. "During the battle where DeGe killed Wen Xu, some of the Wen managed to get into the keep. The common thought is that they were trying to steal Xue Yang. He was nasty enough for the Wen to want him. DaGe hadn't killed Wen Xu yet; he was in the keep fighting when he saw Meng Yao pick up a Wen sword and stab one of our generals! Later, he said it was justice. That general liked to call Meng Yao a son of a prostitute."

"He is the son of a prostitute."

Nie HuaiSang wiggled his fan. "That may be true, but he didn't need to say it all day long, either. It was a deliberate and intentional insult. DaGe punished him every time he heard it…. Meng Yao decided to shut him up permanently. So DaGe kicked Meng Yao out of the Sect. He's never to set foot in QingHe again upon pain of death."

Wei WuXian's eyes were wide with the gossip. "Does your DaGe have that much control over QingHe? Uncle Jiang had no control over any of the other Sects in YunMeng…."

"Probably not. But it's a nice threat anyways. WeiXiong… you are my dearest friend, so I say this with all the affection I have for you: you need to pay more attention to what's going on around you. Living in your own world as you do will get you killed."

Wei WuXian liked living in his own little world. It was a pleasant place.

Unlike the courtyard where Jin ZiXuan was standing. Wei WuXian was running an errand for Jiang Cheng and almost, literally, ran into the Jin heir. He started to bow in apology; the Jin heir barely acknowledged him. "Second Madame Mo, I apologize. I know your son is at Koi Tower, but I have never spoken to him."

"I just want to know that he is well. And learning property. And behaving."

Jin ZiXuan sighed. "I cannot give you that information as I have never spoken to your son. I've never had any discussion about him, either."

"My apologies," Madame Mo bowed awkwardly. "I apologize for imposing a relationship."

"You son is my father's child; the relationship exists whether I wish it or not." His attitude made it extremely clear he did not want to have to acknowledge a relationship between himself and his much younger half-brother's mother.

She bowed again. "This one appreciates your patience. If you hear news of my Yu'Er, please…."

"I will forward it to you." The young mother scurried away allowing Jin ZiXuan to turn his anger towards the man who almost ran into him. "Watch where you're walking," he ordered. Then quieter, "Why are there so many YunMengJiang disciples around when the Sect was decimated?"

Wei WuXian could feel the hair on his body rising with his anger. "What did you say?"

Jin ZiXuan sneered. "There are too many Jiang disciples here! First that woman lied to me and now you're trying to knock me over."

"That woman?" Wei WuXian's hand closed tightly around Suibian. "That woman?" he yelled. "Do you mean Jiang YanLi? ShiJie has never lied about anything in her life!"

Jin ZiXuan glared fiercely and forcibly held himself back from brandishing Suihua. "Your ShiJie never lies? Ha! For weeks now, Jin Yuan has been making me soup for lunch. Today your precious Jiang YanLi tried to take credit for it!"

Wei WuXian's fist flew out without conscious thought; Jin ZiXuan was able to block it enough that the blow hit his cheek rather than his eye. "My ShiJie does not lie. I have no idea why she would send soup to a scum like you, but I do know…. If you ask the cooks in the kitchens who stands in there everyday making soup alongside them, they won't tell you it's your fucking Jin Yuan! Apologize in public on your knees to my ShiJie today or I'll carve your guts out while you sleep tonight."

"You think you can take me?"

Wei WuXian spit at the other's feet. "Between Jiang Cheng, Wen Qing and I? You and your guard won't stand a chance. You'll be lucky if there's anything left whole to stuff back into your stomach when we're done with you." Wei WuXian smiled brightly. "On the good side, maybe the younger Madame Mo will thank us!"

"For what?" Jin ZiXuan growled.

"For turning her son from an unwanted bastard into an heir!"

The older boy lunged at the younger who skidded back a few meters and partially unsheathed Suibian. Jin ZiXuan also started to draw his sword but stopped at the sight of Lan WangJi walking into the courtyard. "No fighting," he reminded them.

Wei WuXian resheathed Suibian. "Apologize. Today. On your knees. Or we'll send your body back to Koi Tower in pieces." He stomped away, having completely forgotten his errand.

Behind him, Lan WangJi idly observed, "Jiang Gunian does make delicious soup."

The apology that came later in the afternoon was not as public as Wei WuXian would have liked. He did, however, enjoy the sight of the Jin heir kneeling and bowing his head while making a perfectly acceptable, and possibly even real, apology. The young woman, Jin Yuan, knelt behind him and also apologized for claiming credit for Jiang YanLi's work.

Wei WuXian did not enjoy the repercussions of the apology. It appeared that the Jin heir had seen the error of his ways and was now going out of his way to be nice to Jiang YanLi. Wei WuXian doubled his efforts to have Jiang Cheng arrange a marriage with Lan XiChen or Nie MingJue. Even Nie HuaiSang would be a better husband!

Fortunately, the spring rains stopped, the muddy roads dried up, and the Allies were back on the march to QiShan. Wei WuXian kept his use of the tiger seal to what he considered the absolute minimum. He was still left with bloody noses and a weakened constitution.

At a strategy meeting, Lan XiChen laid out a map on the sand table in the tent. "Nightless City," he stated dispassionately. Wei WuXian looked over it; troops, magical arrays, armaments were all laid out in exquisite detail. "Our spy has managed to infiltrate Wen RuoHan's inner circle." Nie MingJue grumbled under his breath at this. "Knowing where the arrays are and what they do is crucial to our success. There is only one large problem facing us now."

"And what is that?" Yao ZongZhu was guaranteed to ask the dumb questions, Wei WuXian thought. The obstacle Lan XiChen was clearly discussing was the puppets.

"The Yin puppets," Lan XiChen echoed Wei WuXian's thoughts. "We still haven't found a way to neutralize them." His glance was steady on his brother.

Wei WuXian fingered the tiger seal in his pocket. "I can do it."

All eyes immediately turned to him. Lan WangJi's "No!" echoed in the silence.

"I can do it," Wei WuXian insisted. "I've been practicing. I can control the ones we've already captured. I can gain control over Wen RuoHan's as well."

"And exactly how do you do that?" Nie MingJue asked.

"Well…. I watched your cultivators controlling the puppets and I figured out how they did it." A non-answer for everyone but Nie MingJue whose eyes narrowed.

"Are you the one that's controlling the dead as well?" that sect leader asked.

"Yes. I can do both, if you want. I can take control of all of the puppets and make the dead Wen rise against their former comrades. Just let the Jiang disciples guard my body and I'll help you win this war."

Lan WangJi's voice was louder than the Sect leaders all talking at once. "No. This cultivation method is too dangerous."

"I can do it," Wei WuXian argued.

Lan WangJi's face was openly defiant. "The cost is too high. Find another way."

Lan XiChen sighed. "Didi… There might not be another way. We can fight men, live men. Those puppets?"

"Have your spy kill Wen RuoHan. The man's ego is too big and he is too paranoid for him to have shown how to control the puppets to many other than his children. Who are dead. That leaves only a few extremely trusted soldiers with this knowledge. Your spy kills the Sect leader. The others kill each other trying to gain the throne. We go in and take them all out."

"You're asking him to sacrifice his life for the cause?" Lan XiChen sounded sad. "I can ask him to fight with the hope he will survive. I can't ask or demand…. I can't ask him to make this a suicide mission."

"But you'll allow Wei GongZi to commit suicide."

"I'm offering, Lan Zhan."

"No. Find another way."

There was no other way. Wei WuXian knew that deep in his soul. He wrote letters for his siblings telling them how much he loved them and placed them on his cot for Lan WangJi to deal with. Later.

Wei WuXian spent the last night before the final battle meditating in the command tent. When the dawn came, he'd be marching to his death. If he didn't suffer a qi deviation during the battle, it was going to be in the aftermath. Once the sect leaders realized what he could do, there was no way they were going to permit his unorthodox cultivation no matter how many lives he'd save. Public execution for demonic cultivation or an assassin once he returned to Lotus Pier.

He'd wracked his brains for weeks now trying to find an alternate path than the one he was on. This was the only way. Well, the only way that would save the largest amount of allies lives.

I don't want to die. I'm only eighteen. I haven't even really lived! It's not fair! I want to fall in love. I want to get married. I want to be a dad. I want to see my grandchildren. I want my first kiss! I want to know if sex is everything the books describe it as. Why does it have to be me? He cried for a while at that, allowing himself to wallow in self-pity.

He thought of all of the little things he still wanted to do. Fishing off the piers with Lan Zhan. Eating lotus pods while lazing in the lake. Going on night hunts. Watching ShiJie get married. That started him crying again. He was never going to see either of his siblings get married. Never hold their children. Never get to hold small fingers around a bow and teach them how to shoot.

For that matter, he'd never get to see if Lan WangJi maintained his vow to never get married. Or become an immortal.

I don't want to die. In war, it was inevitable that soldiers died. In any given battle, though, the skill of the swordsmen mostly determined their fate. Wei WuXian was a very good swordsman and a very strong cultivator; the odds of him surviving a normal battle was high.

This was different. This was deliberately forcing his body into a massive qi deviation. The stronger the cultivator, the more likely death was the outcome. Surviving the qi deviation only meant living until his execution.

To survive was to let the Allies down. To be willing to give Wen RuoHan the win. That he couldn't accept.

He tried to meditate, to free his mind from regrets over things he'd done wrong and regrets over thing's he'd yet to do. It helped a bit. His death would pay for his errors; he was satisfied on that end. As for what he had not done? People died all the time, from the very young to the very old, having not completed their wish list. Why should he be any different? It was cold consolation at best.

Lan WangJi entered the tent before sunrise. "Wei Ying. Don't do this."

Wei WuXian forced a jovial smile on his face. "Don't be such a fuddy-duddy, Lan Zhan. I'll be fine." Looking at his beautiful friend, his stomach twisted in knots again and his body felt flushed. He pushed past to walk quickly away before Lan Zhan could see.

Before Lan Zhan could see the new thought bouncing around in his skull. I wish I was able to give you my first kiss. I'd really, really like to kiss you right now.