Lisa was bone tired, but the walk was doing her some good. She glanced down at John, who was finally asleep and concluded the walk was doing him some good too. Her trip to France had been going well on the business front. She'd had some dealing at the track where she ran her horses and had been to the much smaller stables she owned there too. The stables weren't on her property but were near the track; she had a small two-bedroom cottage that was just perfect for her. It sat on a hillside and had a gorgeous view of the sunsets each evening. She was now just over a week into her trip, about the halfway point. She only had one more meeting for work, which was good because she was exhausted.
John had done well traveling. She'd never really noticed other children on planes, but she had this time. She'd concluded that traveling with a newborn was actually a lot easier because he did sleep a lot right now. So, she'd spent the flight with him sleeping, her dozing if she was lucky (but often she was worried he'd wake up screaming), and her feeding him. Traveling with all of the gear, the stroller and all, had been a new experience, but she wasn't complaining. It had just required some patience from her, but she noticed that with some of these other kids, mainly toddlers, traveling would be interesting as John grew up, but people did it all the time, and she'd adapt too.
What she hadn't banked on was John being off on his sleep schedule. He had stretched to about four hours at a time, the first day Jack was injured being the first time he'd slept that long. He'd continued, and that was definitely helping too. Back in Canada, he'd been awake more during the day, but with the significant time change, he had almost flipped his schedule. He was still sleeping in four-hour blocks, but a lot of his awake time was now late at night going into the middle of the night. That was hard, and she was really feeling her lack of sleep now a week into her trip.
This afternoon, while John had been particularly fussy, and Lisa felt like she was at her max for exhaustion, she'd decided a long walk might help both of them. She could use the exercise because that baby weight wasn't budging, and she was slowly coming to terms with that at her age, but she also just needed to clear her head and not hear screaming from John. She hoped the slightly bumpy cobblestones around her little area would also help. They were annoying with the stroller, but the slight rocking motion had been working to put him to sleep. As she glanced down to the stroller, now, almost home, she smiled seeing that he was asleep, out cold in fact. She had to decide if she was going to continue walking or turn into her driveway and risk waking him. She really was tired, and so she decided to gamble on taking him home, hopeful that maybe she could quietly put the stroller inside the house and let him continue with his nap. That would be perfect for her. She could make a cup of tea, sit down herself, and work on a few things on her laptop, well, if she didn't nod off herself.
Lisa had never paid any attention to the charm of her house, well, she had, but not how the charm was actually really annoying with a baby. The hallway entryway was tiny, and the stroller just fit. To even get him into the house, she had two stone steps out front, and they were too narrow to easily push the stroller up over them. The second bedroom, where she'd set up John's things, was tiny. She had a full-sized bed in the room because a queen would never fit, and while she occasionally had visitors, they hadn't needed much space. It would be John's room now. She'd managed to wedge a small portable pack-n-play crib in the corner, but it was wedged. He was sleeping pretty well in it considering it wasn't his bed from home. She'd ordered that to be delivered to her house because traveling with anything else would have been difficult. She ended up putting the changing pad she'd also ordered, right on the guest bed because there was nowhere else in the room for it. The room didn't have a spot for any sort of chair or rocking chair, so she'd been feeding him in the middle of the night out in her cozy living room, with the windows over the back of the house looking to the sloping valley. Having him with her here was an adjustment, and she was making a lot of mental notes on what she'd need to do going forward to have the right space for him at the house.
She instantly regretted turning down her driveway because John started to fuss. She thought about turning back, but she really didn't want to walk anymore. She stopped and patted at his stomach, shushing him, hopeful he would go back to sleep. She rocked the stroller there for a moment, and it seemed to work. Another half hour of a nap would do him wonders, but she was hoping he would sleep at least another hour as he needed it. She continued to shush him as she walked to her front door. He really needed to sleep.
Lisa stopped dead in her tracks, and quickly, John started to cry again. She snapped her eyes to him and then back to her front door. John stopped crying with the sudden jerk again, which she barely noticed.
"What are you doing here?" Lisa stammered, and tears quickly formed in her eyes. She looked to John again, now with panic on her face and back again to- Jack.
He pushed himself off the stone steps where he was sitting, his back up against one of her beautiful stone columns. She heard him groan as he stood, and she seemed to be rooted in her spot unable to move. Here was Jack, in France, his cowboy hat, coat, jeans, and crisp plaid navy blue shirt. She looked down at John again, terrified that halfway through her trip, Jack had come to fight for John.
"It's good to see you, Lisa," he said with a warm smile. He walked toward them, taking off his hat, and she looked down to see she had one hand on her hip and one hand with a very firm grip on the stroller. Lisa just stood there in almost a trace and didn't even notice he'd walked to the end of the stroller.
"You're in France," was what she first was able to say to him, shaking her head.
He nodded quietly and looked down at John, "It's good to see him too. I am in France, so they tell me, not that I can understand any of the language, but yeah, that's what my ticket said,"he told her with a small nod and gesture to her.
"John is fine," she shook her head, gesturing to him. "We've been talking to you every few days. I was going to call you again today, as we'd talked about around dinner here. I-"
He held up his hand, and with that, she stopped talking in mid-thought; she knew she had been rambling and wasn't sure what she'd even said. He looked down again and took a deep breath, glancing to her and finally locking eye contact with her, "A long time ago, you told me I was welcome here anytime if I could find my way here."
She was quiet, but nodded, glancing to John and looking back to him with a firm answer, "Yes, I did." With that, as she looked down, she started crying, and her tears flowed freely. That threw Jack, and he stepped closer, within arm's reach of her. He reached out and touched her shoulder.
"Why are you crying?" Jack asked, and she, not looking up at him, just shook her head. She finally looked up and saw that he seemed to be holding back tears himself. She wiped at her face, but the tears kept coming.
"I don't know," she said, tearfully, taking a deep breath and clenching her fists. "It might be seeing you here, just wondering what all is going on. You don't like France."
He nodded too, and he swallowed hard, waiting for her to look back up at him, "I don't like traveling. I don't like France, but," he paused, and she looked up at him, "I love you. You also have told me that loving you isn't enough. It is enough, Lisa. I've been miserable for a very long time, and I can't stand it any longer. I still love you, and I think you still love me. We keep fighting that, but we just need to figure out how our lives fit together because not having you at all isn't what I want for my life, for our life."
Lisa's eyes flew open. She'd made brief eye contact with Jack, but she'd always had to look away as he talked to her here. She locked eyes on him and saw it there, so much love and concern. Before she could gather her thoughts, he continued.
"Yes, I hate change. I hate travel. I hate France. I hate Dan," he said, almost spitting out his name. Lisa's eyes widened. "I hate that you had to deal with Dan, had to be hurt by him, have the scars from a nasty divorce from him, that he can still make you feel insecure and not like the most beautiful thing on this Earth with just one of his comments. I hate how Val has treated you and put ideas in your head that this pregnancy was something scandalous. I hate that we've had to deal with people talking about our age difference and trying to say I'm after you for your money. I hate fancy food. I hate being asked to be the voice of reason in the middle of things at home. I hate it when you and the girls argue. But, some of the things I hate the most," he said, and he met her gaze and shook his head, "I hate taking care of John without you. Most of all, I hate not living life with you."
Lisa was silent, except for her sobs as she listened. He continued.
"This isn't just about John," he told her. "I need you to know that. I've been trying to sort things in my own head for a long time. I knew that you would never want me back if you thought it was because of John. It's not," he shook his head. "He's just icing on the cake," he said with a small smile and nod at her. "What I told you, at the airport, that he was the best surprise ever," Jack bowed his head and shook it, his voice wavering and tears building again as he looked back at her, "he was. He is, Lise. I just hate how this has all developed. Nowhere in my wildest dreams would I have a son and not be married to his mom. That's not how I was raised, and I know it wasn't how you were raised either. I never would have done things this way, backwards, so to speak, but I also knew as you told me about John and all, that you would never accept us together then because it would seem like it was only for John. I needed those to be separate, if you can understand that. I need you to know that I love John and am so proud to be his father, but," he paused, looked down, and then, he glanced up to see her there, tears just rolling down her face, "I love you too, separate from John, but also with my whole heart with John. You aren't the woman I just marry because she is pregnant. I tried to respect some boundaries when you were pregnant, even though I just wanted to yell how crazy and stupid we were. It terrified me when you were in the hospital, that something would happen to you or to John, and that I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly what I felt, and that I would end up losing you or John. I couldn't lose you. The heartache of that would have been too much to handle. I love you too much. You're the woman I love and cannot live without you anymore. I've never loved anyone like I love you, Lise, and I'm here to tell you that."
Jack reached into his jacket, his well-worn, favorite cowboy jacket, and he handed her a handkerchief. When she accepted it with a silent nod, he clasped her hand and tugged at it to get her to look at him.
She tried to clear her voice, "I've waited so long to hear anything like that Jack," she said with a sad smile. She took a deep breath and continued, "But, we've been down this road before, and now, it's even messier with John. You have your life, and I have mine. He's complicating it, and we do need to work that out and not put him in the middle of our mess."
Jack firmly took both of her hands in his, "Lise," he made eye contact, "I'm here. I'm in France, and I came here for you. I know I'm set in my ways," he said with a nod. "I know I hate change. I know you are set in yours too, that you have a business to run, that I have a ranch to manage, but accepting that loving each other is enough and is the first step. I will make this work," he stated firmly, shaking at her hand to affirm it. "We will make this work, if you can give it your all too. I am committed to you, to trying to change what needs to be changed." He locked eyes on her and gave her that nod, "I will. I am here to tell you that and hope that you are committed to making it work, no matter what because we do love each other."
Lisa broke out into a full sob, putting her head in her hand, and Jack stepped to pull her in to comfort her. She continued to sob uncontrollably, and he just held her, his hand gently running over her back. He had to pull back slightly when she started to talk because he couldn't understand her muffled speech into his shirt.
"I've been pushing through each day, convincing myself that I'm fine, that my life is going just fine. I've been on my own a long time and have always had to do that. When I was married to Dan and went home to care for my dad, he never followed me. He never missed me. I put up this wall that I was fine on my own, but," she shook her head, "I'm not. I miss you. I miss just being with you, talking with you, everything about you. When I found out I was pregnant, I was shocked and then all I wanted to do was to call you. I found out here," she shrugged, "in France. I just wanted to tell you, but even as the days passed, and I decided I wanted to tell you in person, I started to think about your reaction. I started to think about how you might push away because of your age, that you would think you couldn't do this. I started to close off, and that only got worse after your heart attack when we did end things. I couldn't see a way forward with you, but all I've thought about and been miserable about myself, is not having you in my life. I try to do it all on my own, to make things perfect, and I can't do it. I'm struggling, and I miss you," she said, looking down and then back to him. "I can't believe you are here," she said, tears flowing again. He used his finger to wipe at them on her face and looked at her.
"I'm not sure how long I stood in that airport, but it was long after you were out of sight," he admitted. "I stood there, silently cursing myself for letting you just walk away. I should have told you then, but it took you leaving again for me to see it. I don't know how many years I will have left, but I want them with you, with you and John, and I was too stupid to act on it. It took me a couple of days to sort travel, and then planes, trains, and automobiles to get here, but I got here, and I am not leaving without you. There are going to be changes," he nodded, looking at her, another nod to confirm he meant business, "changes we both will make, but there will be changes, compromises you and I will both agree to make, if you will just admit we can do this. We love each other," he smiled. "I know we do, and we love John. We have to stop letting ourselves hold ourselves back."
Lisa, in a full-on sob, looked down and wiped at her face as she was doing so. She shook her head, and Jack heard her take a deep breath before she looked up at him again, her face red from crying, but giving him a soft smile. She braced her hands on his shoulders and pulled herself up to give him a deep, committed kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and returned it. "I do love you, Jack. I never stopped. I've loved you for so long, my heart hurts aching about all of this. I know I started to fall in love with you when we first went to the fishing cabin, just you being so kind, so caring, and so lovingly talking about your own life and family. You once told me you loved me all the time, and yes, I love you all the time, never stopped."
Jack kissed her again, the two clinging to each other for life. She cried then again on his shoulder, and he just stood there, quietly holding her, trying to soothe her.
When her crying seemed to end, and he could hear her taking deep breaths to calm herself, he started to run his hands up and down her back again. She still clung to him for dear life, and he finally broke the silence.
"So, do you think I can stay?" Jack asked, and at that, Lisa finally broke into a laugh, swatting at his back as they both chuckled.
She pulled back to look into his face, "Of course you can stay," she said, a bright smile with tears still running down her face. He smiled back at her, and she snapped out of her sappy mood for just a moment. She gestured to John, "I do have a bit of a lodging situation."
"What's that?" Jack asked, leaning back, but with Lisa now loosely in his arms. She sighed and shook her head.
"He's completely taken over my guest room here. That was my only extra room," she shrugged, holding back a smile.
"Is that so?" Jack nodded, looking to John. He nodded to him, still there, somehow sleeping through all of this, "Well, remind me to thank him for making me look for alternate accommodations." Lisa grinned brightly, and the two pulled in for another kiss. When they pulled apart, still holding onto each other, Jack nodded to the house, "Maybe we could go inside? I've been traveling for over a day, and I know I don't speak French, but a few people have walked by out there on the pathway. I'm sure everyone is wondering why some old cowboy has you crying in your driveway."
She chuckled and patted at his chest, "We can absolutely go inside."
"I'll push him," Jack nodded to the stroller. "My bag is at the door, just one small bag." He put his hand around Lisa's shoulders as he pushed the stroller and they walked. She reached up and clasped his hand on her shoulder.
"I have a lot of things I want to talk about, compromises I want to discuss with you," he said, glancing down at her. "Realize the first is that I am here and staying until you go home. I'm flying home with you, first class too, just like you, which cost me more than some horses, but," he winked at her, "worth every penny."
Lisa stopped and looked up to him, now horrified after he said that. Lisa gestured, "You are? Jack," she groaned, dropped her head, smacked at his stomach, and finally, she started to laugh and nod at the same time. Jack stood there, with his hand on John's stroller, clueless, not sure why his grand gesture was so awful.
"Jack," she repeated, looking up and shaking her head at him, "yesterday, I rebooked my ticket home. I was able to move it up by three days, and I was coming home to get you back too. I'd had enough of this myself. I couldn't stand any more of this without you. You just beat me to it."