Jello

"Hey guys", Monica entered the coffee house.

"Hey, Mon", the whole gang greeted her.

"Joey, this is for you", she gave him a jar of jam, "It's blackberry currant."

Joey takes the jar from Monica, "Aww", he opens it and puts a finger inside to taste, "Ohh!"

"Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked, or, or a big tub of jam", he held up his two hands, representing the two options.

"Put your hands together", Joey smirked.

"Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch", Monica said.

"No more jam?!", he said distraught.

"Well, what happened to your jam plan?", Rachel asked.

"I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies."

"Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars", Chandler joked.

"What are you talking about?", Ross asked.

"I'm talking about me having a baby", Monica answered.

"What?", Ross said unable to comprehend what Monica just said.

"Are you serious?", Rachel asked, also not quite believing what Monica had just said.

"Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, that I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan."

"Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!", Ross practically shouted.

"It took me 28 years to find one person that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid", Monica said, being explicitly vague about which person she was talking about.

"That, that's what's stupid", Chandler said sarcastically.

"I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff."

Joey entered the apartment of the girls. He saw Monica coming out of her room and her greeted her.

"Where you going?", he asked.

"To the bank", Monica put the paper down on the table.

"Sperm or regular?"

"Sperm."

"So you're really doing this, huh?", Joey asked kind of in awe of her courage to make a decision like this.

"Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135", Monica smiled.

"Sounds nice", he smiled back.

"I'd say so. Brown hair, green eyes...", she started to describe him.

"No kiddin', hmm", Joey said.

"What?", she asked.

"No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy."

"Really? Why?", she asked.

"I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, named like...", he looked up as if searching for a name, "Hoyt."

"Hoyt?", she scrunched up her nose.

"It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool."

Her mind started to picture Joey's words. Except, instead of seeing a blond guy, her mind was picturing Rachel, looking up at her from their pool, squinting her eyes because of the sunlight.

As not to draw suspicion, she continued her questions: "Really, is he a swimmer?", she asked, curious to hear what else he was thinking.

"He's got the body for it."

"I like that", she said, thinking of Rachel's beautiful body. She'd got the body for it too, she was sure. Her thoughts were interrupted when Joey started to laugh. "What?", she asked.

"You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know."

"We do not have one of those signs", already cringing at the thought.

"Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids."

"Two girls and a boy?", she asked, sitting down on a chair. Her imagination was already running again. The kids playing in the pool while she and Rachel sat on the side closely together, watching them.

"Yeah!", he sat down too.

"And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Ra- Hoyt", she stopped herself just in time, "wraps this big towel around all three of them."

"Sure!" having totally missed Monica's almost major screw-up. Upon seeing Monica's sad face, he said, "But hey, you know this way sounds good too."

"Yeah", she pushed the paper away from her, having made her decision.

"Oh Monica", he went over to her chair and hugged her, then looked at the paper, picking it up, "Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool", seeing Monica, he quickly tried to be less enthusiastic, "for like a day", he hugged her again.

Alright, one more glass. I don't have work tomorrow, I don't have children and I don't have a partner. I have no responsibilities today.

She emptied her second bottle of wine in her glass, shaking a few times to get the last drops out of the bottle. She had been drinking for two hours now, feeling sorry for herself. She wanted a husband. Or a wife, actually. But, in order to have a wife, she needed the law to change. At this point, she was too drunk to think straight. Without fully registering what she was doing, she had the phone in her hand and was already dialling.

"Hello?"

"Hi, sweetie", Monica giggled.

"Mon? Are you okay?", Rachel asked, hearing Monica's slight slur in her speech.

"Me? I'm fine. You know what, I'm more than fine. I'm okay.", she said feeling incredibly clever of having said this answer.

"I still need to do some stuff, but I can be home in an hour if you want", she said. She was still at work, having a late night.

"No, no, it's not necessary. I just needed to tell you some-", a quiet burp escaped Monica's mouth, "something."

"What is it?"

"It's really important."

"Alright, I'm listening", getting more worried by Monica's state.

"It's like, you know, this very important decision."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to have children", she announced.

"Mon, sweetie, I thought you had abandoned that plan?", Rachel asked with a sigh.

"I know, I know, I wasn't finished. Rach, I want you to be the mother of our children."

"What? Monica, what are you talking about?", she started to get agitated.

"Let's have a family!"

"Alright, first of all, it's nearly impossible for two women to have a child, which is in fact why we broke up. Second of all, if there would have been a slight chance of being able to have a child, it would cost us an enormous amount of money. Ten thousand dollars was it? You told me earlier today, right about the time when you told me about abandoning your babies plan. And third of all, I don't want to have kids. Not yet anyway. I just got this fantastic job with the possibility of having an amazing career. I'm not planning on giving this up now, I'm sorry, Mon."

Monica was silent on the other side of the phone. Rachel's speech had sobered her up a little.

"Mon? Are you there?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm here", she managed with a small voice.

"Do you want me to come home?", she still had a lot of work to do, but Monica was her number one priority.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry I bothered you at work. Please ignore this conversation. It was just the alcohol talking", she made a waving movement with her hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll see you tonight. Or, actually, it will probably be tomorrow morning."

"Alright", she was still not fully convinced, but she went along, "Good night, honey."

"Night", Monica said, disconnecting the line. She let the phone fall on the couch, next to her, and she let herself fall backwards, her head thrown over the back of the couch. She covered her face with her hands and let out a muffled scream.

Rachel tried to get back to work, but her focus was solely on Monica. After trying another half hour, she gave up and gathered up to go home. She would have to finish this tomorrow, on her free day. In two days is the deadline for the report, so she didn't really have a choice. When she got to the door, she opened it quietly. She was met with the light still on and an obvious wine smell hanging in the apartment. She put down her purse on the counter. That was when she saw Monica's arm thrown across the couch. She quickly crossed the dining space and rounded the couch.

Monica's head was lying on a cushion, her mouth open. Her left arm was thrown over the couch and her right foot was resting on the floor. Her hair was messy and so was the table. There was even a wineglass next to the coaster instead of on top. Her heart ached, seeing Monica like this. Softly, she took off Monica's shoes and after a quick internal debate, she decided to change her quickly into something more comfortable. She didn't want Monica's breasts to ache tomorrow, so she took her bra off too. She put an oversized shirt on Monica and loose shorts.

When she looked more or less comfortable, Rachel put a blanket on top of her. She bent down and placed a soft kiss on Monica's forehead. Straightening up, she quickly and quietly cleaned the mess Monica had made in her drunk state and went to her room after dimming the lights.

The next morning, Rachel had woken up earlier than Monica. While she was eating her toast with chocolate spread for breakfast, she heard Monica stir awake on the couch. First, her hand appeared on the back of the sofa and then, slowly, her head started to appear. Her eyes were squinting from the lights which most probably were not helping with her inevitable head ache.

"Morning", Rachel smiled at her dishevelled look, her hair standing in all possible directions.

"Huh?", Monica's voice cracked from her dry throat.

"How are you feeling?"

"Terrible", she said, attempting to sit up, but immediately grabbed her head because of the headache.

"I figured. With the amount of alcohol you drank last night. Let me get you an aspirin", Rachel said, standing up and going to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. With a glass of water in one hand and the aspirin in the other, Rachel came around the sofa. Monica sat with her legs bunched up and her knees almost touching her shoulders, still firmly clamping her head.

"There you go, honey", Rachel made sure to keep her voice down so as to not make the headache worse.

"Thanks", Monica gratefully took the pill and the water.

"You're going to be okay? I'm going to go to work for a couple of hours and then I come back, but call me whenever you need me, alright?"

"To work? Isn't today your free day?"

"Well, yeah, but after you called me yesterday, I couldn't concentrate anymore, so I came straight home and I will finish my work today", Rachel explained.

"I called you?", Monica said, feeling guilty of spoiling Rachel's free day.

"Yeah, you don't remember?"

"No? I remember opening a second bottle of wine, though. That probably wasn't the smartest choice. Why did I call you?"

She could be honest now, but then she would just let her remember her pain. She figured it would be better to just forget the conversation altogether since it was obviously the alcohol talking. Not Monica. "Oh, uhm, you just wanted to ask me if we had something stronger than wine. So, naturally, I got worried and came home to take care of you", Rachel took Monica's hand in hers.

"Oh, sorry", Monica winced.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. Promise you will call me if you need me?", she asked, getting ready to stand up to leave for her work.

"Okay, thanks Rach", Monica said, letting go of Rachel's hand as she stood up to get her bag.

"See you later, Mon", she closed the door behind her as she left.

Christmas was eventful this year. Especially for Rachel. The day before the holidays, her boss had called her in her office. She had learned that a week from then, she would be a stylist instead of an apprentice stylist. Furthermore, in February, there would be a new apprentice stylist starting and she wanted Rachel to be her mentor.

This was not the only thing to look forward to. This was also the first time she brought a woman to the annual Christmas party with her friends. She and Ellie had only been dating for a couple of weeks, but they felt really good. This was her first relationship with a girl since she broke up with Monica. They had met at a work event and Ellie was openly talking to her about how she broke up with her previous girlfriend a few weeks ago and that she wanted to date again. Rachel, seeing her chance, asked her if she would be interested in going on a date with her. Ellie couldn't be faster to agree. Needless to say, the dates went very well and they had spent an amazing Christmas night together.

Even though Monica was technically her ex, she was also still her best friend. She was immensely grateful that Monica wanted to talk with her about her new relationship. Sometimes, though, she swore she saw a flicker of… something in her eyes while Rachel was talking about Ellie. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. Monica, however, was super encouraging and sweet and she couldn't wish for more from her.

She felt like her life was finally falling into place. She had a job that she loved, she was in a healthy relationship with a great woman and she had amazing friends.

Monica, however, felt like her life was going in the totally opposite direction. She hated her job, but couldn't seem to get out of the diner since no restaurant that she solicited for wanted to give her a job. Her love life was as dead as it could be. And it looked like she would spend New Year alone this year. Dating-wise anyway.

The dreadful day of counting down to a non-existent kiss crept closer and closer. Monica tried to keep her mind off of her non-love life by planning the party. As usual, it would be taking place at their apartment and Monica would cook all the food. Although it was a lot of work, she was also grateful that she could at least use her cooking skills here. Only making burgers and fries and the occasional sandwich at work was taking its toll on her.

"Thirty more seconds!", Ross yelled way too excited. Almost all the food was eaten by now and they were going into the last 30 seconds of 1996.

In front of the big window, Rachel was standing close to Ellie. Ellie had her arm around Rachel's waist and the other hand was holding her drink. Rachel was facing Ellie and holding both her arms loosely around her neck.

Phoebe had found a work friend from Rachel who had come to the Christmas party. If it was going to last, was not sure, but they sure as hell couldn't keep their hands from each other now.

Ross, now in a steady relationship of a year and a half with Julie, was taking her hand and guiding her to the balcony. Julie giggled and looked behind her, a slight blush on her cheeks. She looked quite cute. Ross has good taste. Before she could go further into that thought, Monica shook her head and tried to find Chandler in the room. After all, they were both alone this year.

"Ten! Nine!", the people started counting down as her eyes locked with Chandlers. He came over to her, trying to get away from the overly excited and happy people. When he reached Monica, he squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. He knew she was having a hard time.

"How are you holding up?", he asked, barely coming above the screaming people. Monica shrugged and rolled her eyes when the people screamed: "One! Happy New Year!".

She watched as the people in her apartment celebrated the first few seconds of 1997. Her gaze got stuck when it went to the big window. Rachel and Ellie were still kissing, even though it was already a minute after midnight. But this shouldn't bother her, right? She was happy for Rachel. So happy and not at all jealous. Alright, maybe a little jealous. But that's normal if you see your ex kissing someone else.

"You want to get out of here?", Chandler asked, making her pull her eyes away from the now hugging couple.

"Yeah", she said, already going to the other side of the counter to grab her jacket.

"Come on", Chandler ushered her outside from her apartment. With the door closed, the happy festivities were just muffled noises. Chandler took her up to the roof. They used to go up here a lot when she had just moved in. It used to be their thing.

Chandler went around the tiny cube containing the stairway and the door and lifted up a ground sheet that was covering some things. He took a camping chair from underneath it.

"Why is there a camping chair here?", she asked.

"I took it here. I still come here every now and then and didn't want to take it up and down every time I came here, so I let it here with a sheet over it so it doesn't get wet", he explained, walking back to the open space on the roof, "Now, I have only one, but it's quite a big one, so, if we squeeze, we can both fit on the chair", he opened the chair and put it down in front of them.

Monica followed Chandler when he took a seat. The chair had a similar width to the sofa in her apartment. They were squeezed together, but in a comfortable way. Monica rested her head on Chandler's chest and they looked at the skyline of New York in a comfortable silence. Rachel was without a doubt her best friend in the whole wide world, but there had been a time when Rachel wasn't in her life. During this period, Chandler and she had grown close. Chandler was still one of her best friends and she felt very comfortable and at ease with him, but it was just never the same as it was with Rachel.

It was nice to be away from all the noise from her apartment. "How are you holding up?", she asked Chandler. He had broken up with Janice a couple of weeks ago.

"I'm holding up", he answered, "Some days are better than others."

She rubbed his arm, humming compassionately. "And you? You and Richard were pretty serious too, no?"

"Yeah, but we wanted different things. It's for the better that we broke up."

"I know, but still."

"It's not that I miss him per se, it's more that I miss being in a relationship. Having a person to love who loves you back", she said with a sad hint in her voice.

"I know what you mean", he nodded. He wrapped his arm that was lying on the back of the chair around Monica's shoulders. Both not feeling like talking anymore, they stayed silent in their embrace. Imagining how the people who were living behind all those little windows from the buildings in front of them were going into the new year.

"Hey", Chandler said, entering the apartment where everyone but Phoebe – who was still upstairs fooling around with the girl's upstairs neighbour – was sitting in the living room, "Anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little noose at the end?", he sat down next to Monica on the couch.

Looking concerned, Monica asked: "Honey, what's the matter?"

"I just saw Janice", Chandler scowled.

"Oh", the gang saw the pain on his face.

"Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them."

"Yeah, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me", Joey said.

"Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon", Chandler said, pointing out that their situations were nothing alike.

Joey laughed thinking about the memory, "Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know..."

"Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll feel better then", Ross tried to cheer him up.

"Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you don't have to throw a party for me", not wanting to be the centre of attention.

"It's Joey's birthday", Monica said leaning a bit into him.

"Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him", Chandler said. Suddenly, they heard Phoebe's muffled giggles coming through the ceiling. Putting a hand on Chandler's arm, Monica shushed him. "I cannot believe she is still up there."

The guy told a joke and made Phoebe laugh, but they couldn't make out what he had said. "Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh", Chandler said sarcastically. Monica smiled at him and rubbed his arm.

Monica was just putting the plates she had just made on the counter for the waiters to bring to the customers, when she saw Rachel walking through the big windows of the diner. She looked magnificent today. Even though she had just a black dress and black stockings, she still thought that Rachel stood out in her style and in her natural beauty. When Rachel saw her looking at her, she smiled at her. She pushed the door open and waved at her.

"Hi", Monica said smiling at her. Since they didn't work that far away from each other, Rachel came every once in a while on a surprise lunch.

"Hey, Mon", she said, smirking, "Like what you're seeing?", she asked suggestively. She had recognized the look in Monica's eyes. It was one that she had received often while they were going out, but Monica was good at hiding her emotions. She was happy to have caught this look of raw desire and longing in her eyes.

Monica just rolled her eyes, but couldn't resist looking her up and down one more time. "So, what shall it be for you today?", she asked, trying to steer away from any other flirtatious comments.

"Uhm, well, I'm going to go for your famous burger with fries", Rachel said.

"Coming right up", Monica smiled. Rachel rarely ate fast food, let alone when there were people she knew who would see her eating it. In front of Monica, though, she had never felt ashamed. She could eat whatever she wanted, be as silly as she wanted, be as weird or crazy as she wanted and so on, because she knew that Monica would still love her for who she is. Little did she know that these things that made her 'unlikeable' in her own eyes, were actually the things that Monica loved most about her.

While Rachel was talking to her about some work-related stories, Monica couldn't resist taking one more look at Rachel. Even though she tried her hardest to bury all the more-than-friends or romantic feelings she had for her best friends, she couldn't deny that she still had feelings for her. Monica was actually starting to think that these feelings would never go away.

Right after the breakup, and sometimes during the months after, she had had nights where she stayed up the majority of the night crying trying to find a solution to be able to have a family with Rachel, but so far, the only solution she had found, was living in the future, in the hope that same-sex couples will be able to adopt children in the future in the same way as hetero couples are able to. Which, quite obviously, wasn't a realistic solution.

"I invited Ellie to Joey's birthday party by the way", Rachel had pulled Monica out her thoughts, "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course!", Monica said with a big smile. It was just her bad that Rachel had known her long enough by now to know when her smile was not sincere.

"Are you sure? I can always tell her that Joey wanted it to be just the six of us in the end if you prefer?", she asked.

"No, no", she waved her hand as to make Rachel's proposition dissolve in the air particles around them, "There will probably be way too much food anyway. And I think it's great that you guys are hitting it off so good", Monica smiled and turned around to check on the hamburgers baking on the cooker. Quickly squinting her eyes closed, she tried to compose herself.

"Look", she said turning around, "I'm incredibly happy for you and I only wish you two amazing things", Monica took Rachel's hand in hers, "But, sometimes, it's just a bit hard to see you two together, you know?"

Rachel squeezed her hand, "I know, I had the same feeling when you were going out with Richard. I think it's something that is inevitable when you used to be in a loving relationship with someone."

"It's probably going to take some time, but know that I wish nothing but good things for your relationship. Please, it's important that you know that I support you in whatever you do and with whoever you want to be", Monica looked into Rachel's eyes to make sure that she got the message.

"Thanks, Mon. That really means a lot to me", she rose up a bit from her chair and gave her a friendly kiss on her cheek.

Monica woke up from a throbbing pain in her head. She tried to open her eyes and thanked the higher spirits that the drapes were fully closed. She wouldn't be able to handle a lot of light right now with this headache.

The window was not to her left side, though. This was bizarre. She looked around and, to her horror, she realized she wasn't in her own bedroom. The sudden movement of looking whose bed it was she was sleeping in, didn't help her headache. She closed her eyes for a moment to try to calm the pain down a bit, but her eyes flung open again when she heard a deep intake of breath next to her. She wasn't alone in bed.

As soon as she laid her eyes on the person next to her, all the events from the evening and night of Joey's party came back to her. How she had drank quite a lot. How Rachel had been taking the alcohol out of her hands each time she attempted to drink some, to avoid another gap in her memory like the last time she got drunk. How she had kissed one of Joey's sisters when she had helped her take out the trash to avoid a stinking apartment the next day. She was pretty sure it was Gina. Although, it was hard to be sure with all the alcohol in her system which of the seven it actually was that had been there with her.

"M- Monica?", a husky morning voice interrupted the stream of memories coming back to her. She looked with wide eyes at the squinting, barely open ones, "What are you doi-", suddenly having the same flood of memories coming back, Monica watched them take a shocked intake of breath with eyes ten times wider than barely two seconds ago.

S3E3 tow the jam

S3E11 tow Chandler can't remember which sister

From now, it's possible that I will take stuff from episodes further in the show, but use them in a different timeline. Just so you know ;)

Also, school is keeping me busy, so I'll try to keep finding moments to write, but I think they will take a bit longer than they took before.

I hope you're all having a good week :)