L
I fucking hated it here. So goddamn much. If I wasn't loyal to my brothers, I would ask for nomad status, or just fucking bail. Leave. Get the fuck out of this goddamn town. I couldn't stand any of it. Not when everyone else was so happy. They all had their women, or were content to fuck the soul suckers on the pool table every night for the rest of their lives.
Nickhun got lucky. Tiffany came back to him. Then there was fucking me. No way Jennie was ever coming back, not anymore, not after six years. Married. I could remember it all like it happened yesterday, how it felt when my letters started going unanswered, when she stopped answering my calls the few times I was allowed to, what it felt like when I was discharged, got to go home and she was nowhere to be seen.
My world came crashing down when I found out she was married. Nothing I faced in the war would ever feel as bad as that moment. Seokmin and Jaehyun had to keep me from killing everyone in sight.
They did, but just barely.
Now I was stuck looking around the room, watching all of my brothers and their happy as fuck families. There are so many kids now. And they didn't just all belong to Mike and Marie anymore. Seokmin has two, Jaehyun has one, Ten has one, fuck even Eunwoo and Miyeon have one.
Taking in my surroundings, the yelling of small children, the laughter of the prides, my brothers talking shit, soul suckers in their booth, making eyes at the single brothers–married ones too. Not that any of them would ever cheat. Rachel would behead the offender.
What I really needed right now was to cut something, to make it bleed, or to patch someone up. Why couldn't we be at goddamn war where I'd have bullet and knife wounds to stitch up. I preferred to make things bleed, but Seokmin and Jaehyun helped me channel that energy into stopping blood, making sure my brothers didn't bleed out.
Was I fucked up enough to have a moment every time one of them was on my table where I imagined making the bleeding worse instead of patching them up? Yes.
Jaehyun and Seokmin knew. I thought Nickhun had his suspicions about my tendencies, but he never said anything. The rest of them were clueless.
The sound of a child's screaming cry had everyone on red alert. I sat in the chair, waiting to see I was needed. When I see Rachel stand, I knew it had to be Storm. I tracked her with my eyes, seeing her squat in front of him. I slid out of the booth and made my way down to the medical area–my office.
I opened the drawer where I kept my most recent supplies for the kids: bandaids with action figures, princesses, and mermaids, lollipops, and whatever else Carrie and her nursing wisdom deemed necessary. She was better with the kids than I was. It wasn't that I didn't like kids, not having any of my own just made them hard to relate to.
Jennie and I talked about having kids, lots of 'em. Now she had someone else's. Thinking about her still hurt my heart, like the ache in my chest would never go away. So fucking pathetic, six years later and still pining after the woman who broke my heart. I couldn't move on, never could. Even now the only thing I could do was let the soul suckers suck my cock, and that was only a recent development. I went five years without the touch of a woman, five long fucking years of missing Jennie, stroking my cock to thoughts of her, to the images of her left in my head, the ones that were finally starting to fade. I wondered if she still had the scar next to her right elbow from where she fell while we were running through the fields, away from the cops. She fell and scraped herself. Did the little scar finally fade? Did she see it whenever she looked in the mirror? Did it make her think of me?
I was sitting in my chair when the door opened. I turned to see Rachel carrying Storm. He looked just like Seokmin.
Squaring my shoulders, I stood, moving towards where Rachel set him on the exam table. "What seems to be the problem, little man?" I asked. Rachel was rubbing his back, whispering calmly to him. Storm pointed at his knee. "Aw, buddy." He was crying too hard to say anything, snot running down his little cheeks. Rachel cradled him against her. She was viscous, protective. "Can you lay down for me?"
Storm's head, still too big for the rest of his body like all toddlers bobbed up and down, but he made no move to do as I asked. Rachel stood, helping him, and then moved out of the way.
"This is gonna sting, but I need to clean it, okay? Hold your mom's hand, squeeze as tight as you want." I inspected the wound. There was nothing visible stuck in it, no glass or rocks. There shouldn't be. Now that the kids were around Seokmin had the prospects keep the place immaculate, but you never know with kids. A few weeks ago, Nickhun's kid, Reed came in all scrapped up too. He had a few rocks stuck in his elbow because he'd been carrying them through the clubhouse when he slipped on the floor and slid across the rocks as he dropped them.
Kids man.
Storm cried harder as I dabbed alcohol onto the wound, wiping away the blood. I hated to see the kids bleed, but it still fascinated me, the drops of different shades of red. Once the wound was clean, I inspected it again. He didn't even need stitches, just a little antibiotic ointment and a bandaid and he'd be good to go.
"All right, buddy. It's not that bad. What type of band aid do you want?"
I held up the choices and he inspected them carefully, like whatever design he chose would be a life altering decision.
"Superman," he whispered.
"Good choice." I tossed the package back towards the drawer and put the band aid on him. "All set, buddy." He sat up, wiping his tears as he jumped off the high exam table and ran right back out of the room. He'd be back in a few hours for another bandaid probably. Things were so boring around here these days, I was patching up kids more than I was adults. And checking on the pregnant old ladies. Surprisingly, there was only two of them. But I had a feeling the rest of my life I'd always have at least one pregnant woman to check in on. Birth control wasn't understood by these fuckers. Hell, even Mike got snipped and still got Marie pregnant. It only happens in about one percent of cases, but of course it would happen to him, and he peacocked around talking about it. Marie had her tubes tied after the last one, completely done with kids.
"Thanks, Doc," Rachel said, chasing after Storm.
Alone again, I collapsed back into my chair. I needed to get drunk, and get my dick sucked. It was the only thing that stopped me from thinking about Jennie. I could still picture her, shiny black hair, blunt bangs that always hid her dark brown eyes. She was still the most beautiful woman I'd ever met.
I hated her. She tore my heart out, stomped all over it, didn't even give me the courtesy of ending our relationship the right way. She fucking ghosted me while I was thousands of miles away, in the middle of a desert. And when I got back, she was already married to fucking Teahyung of all people. I guess my position in the club didn't give her enough power. I'd never be president; fuck I didn't want to be president. Too much goddamn responsibility. I liked to take care of my brothers, gave me an outlet for my needs. I'd never let them bleed out on my table, but that didn't mean I didn't like watching them bleed.
Teahyung was the president of Brothers of Heather, one of our rival gangs. We haven't been at war, not real war in a long time. Sure, the old ladies seem to bring their fair share of trouble with them–except Tiffany. But things have been relatively quiet since Seokmin's sister, Suzy, died and Rachel showed up. If I went after Teahyung for taking my woman, it would be war. And I wasn't going to risk the lives of my brothers for a woman who didn't fucking want me.
"You good?" Carrie's voice startled me so much I nearly jumped out of my seat.
"Yeah." She was the sweetest member of the pride. Tiffany was sweet too, but still a little shy since she didn't show up until recently. Maybe it was just because Carrie was a nurse and we worked closely together, but she was the old lady who put me the most at ease, like she wasn't trying to figure out what was wrong with me like the rest of them.
"You know how the kids are," I continued. "Always getting hurt."
"You're good with them." She had a clipboard in her hand, taking inventory, making sure we had everything we needed should something go down.
"I save the poor bedside manner for the brothers." She laughed lightly.
"Baby doll." Ten came in frantically, eyes assessing his woman. I rolled my eyes. Whenever they didn't have eyes on their women, the men acted like anything could have happened to him. She was literally twenty feet from him, doing the job Seokmin paid her to do.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, just missing you." Carrie rolled her eyes, but grinned and accepted him wrapping his arms around her.
"No sex on the exam table," I barked over my shoulder as I left them alone. Seeing happy couples was too fucking much. When the kids went to bed later, I was gonna find someone to put on their knees. I needed release and my own hand wasn't going to cut it. I needed a fucking mouth, a woman on her knees for me.
I stopped by the bar, grabbing a whiskey from Boomer on my way to my usual booth. I was going to have to start sitting with Ink and Boomer, away from Lucas and Nickhun now that they both had women.
Seeing happy couples was so fucking exhausting.
"You good?" Nickhun asked. He spoke to me, but his eyes darted between his kid playing on the floor and his woman sitting with the rest of The Pride.
"Yup." The lie rolled easily off my tongue. If anyone got it, it was going to be Nickhun. He waited years for Tiffany to come back to him. They fit together fucking perfectly, and at least the kid she showed up with was his.
Jennie's kids weren't mine. They were Teahyung's. Just like she was.
Maybe it was time for me to finally move on, find an old lady. Sure, I'd never love anyone they way I loved her, but that didn't mean I wanted to spend my life alone. I didn't, not most of the time anyway. But would anyone else be able to put up with my…preferences. How knives and blood called to me.
Fuck, Jennie did always bleed so pretty for me.
My dick hardens as the memory plays through my head, the first time she let me tie her up, the way my blade dug into the soft skin of her stomach, barely nicking her unblemished skin, licking the trail of blood back up her body. She shuddered beautifully, begged for me, pulled at her restraints.
Maybe that was why she ran away from me before I got back.
Her letters though, the ones still buried in a box under my bed, told me how much she missed it, being at my mercy, bleeding for me, the look in my eyes when I had her beneath me. Were those just words? Lies to make me feel better?
I watched as the hang arounds and soul suckers shot the shit, as the couples left. There was no party tonight which meant when the day came to a close, all the brothers with old ladies would be taking their kids home, putting them into bed in their own rooms, and I'd be left alone with the prospects and Wonwoo, Joshua, and fucking Jack. I'd need to make my move quickly before Jack monopolized all the soul suckers, leaving nothing left for the rest of us. I don't know what he had against fucking one woman at a time, but I'd never seen him with less than two. Good for him. Not my style though. I didn't like to fucking share.
I didn't like to share, but if I ever found someone I'd be claiming her in public, just like Jaehyun did with Charlie and Greaser with Megan.
Mine.
Booze flowed with the remaining brothers. Now that the kids were gone, it smelled like weed. Jack was smoking two joints at the same time, not giving a single fuck. His head was behind his computer too. It was amazing he didn't have a hump in his back from how he sits. And if he wasn't staring at his computer, he was hiding in his room playing video games. Rumor was he'd still play while fucking the soul suckers. Which, yeah, I got fucking questions about, but I didn't care enough to ask.
The need crept up inside me. And it wasn't sexual. I needed to make something bleed. Anything. I glanced over at the soul suckers. I didn't even know half of their names, didn't fucking care. I assessed them, looking for that look in their eyes, searching for the one that was most likely to let me make them bleed before I made her cum.
Are there kink websites like tinder? It wasn't like you could just drop that on a girl randomly, Yeah, baby, I think you're beautiful, but I think you'd look even prettier bleeding for me.
My cock throbbed at the image. Just the blood, rolling down a stomach that quivered, chasing it with my lips and tongue.
I closed my eyes, swallowing the groan. I'm about to make my move, find someone to suck my dick when the door swings open. It's not an open night, no party. We weren't expecting anyone, which was why every brother in the room was on high alert, standing, reaching for a gun.
I was too.
Until I saw who's standing in the doorway.
Jennie.
Fucking Jennie.
I could hear the rain pounding the pavement behind her. Thunder cracked and a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. Her shiny hair was the longest I'd ever seen it, stringy and rain soaked, falling in front of her face. Everyone was on edge, looking at me since I was the highest ranking member left in the clubhouse. I raised my hand, calming them. But no one looked away. Everyone wanted to know who she was. Everyone was too new to recognize her, know our history, understand what she meant to me.
I ran my eyes up and down her body, force of habit. She'd changed since I last saw her. Thicker, fuller, wider hips. Her jeans hung low on her hips, like they were too big for her.
Everything around me felt fuzzy, like I was having an out of body experience. It felt like combat, high alert, unable to relax, adrenaline racing through my body. It'd been years since I'd seen her, but I'd recognize her anywhere.
Rain soaked, she stepped into the club. Mud fell off her shoe and onto the floor.
"Jennie," I called to her, still confused about what the hell was happening. Her head moved towards me, brown eyes softening when she found me. She took a step forward, tentatively. I was glued to my spot, unsure if I should rush to her. Something was wrong, had to be for her to show up here this time of night.
Noise started again and when I turned, I saw Wonwoo walking around the room, slapping people upside the head, forcing their eyes away from us, giving us some type of privacy, even though it wasn't real.
She looked shaken, terrified. As she took another step forward, I moved closer to her.
"Lisa," she breathed my name when she was close enough to touch. I couldn't touch her, but she touched me, grabbed my arms, squeezing me. The way she said my name had goosebumps running up my neck, reminding me of how good we were together, that no matter what, who else I found, the woman in front of me, rain soaked was the only woman I'd ever truly want to be my old lady.
Her eyes flashed up, chin tilted up, and that was when I saw it. A bruise. Huge. Her left eye was bruised, but it was old, yellowing already. The one around her neck though, the fucking handprint on her throat, that one was still red, still fresh. I couldn't not touch her anymore. I grabbed her hands, pushed the sleeves of her oversized sweatshirt up, found more bruises on her arms. She shuddered in my arms, and I couldn't stop touching her. I took liberties I probably shouldn't have, the same way I would have done all those years ago. She hissed when my hands ran over her ribs.
She whimpered. Tears filling her eyes and falling. Jennie was the strongest woman I knew, a fighter and a survivor.
What the fuck happened to her?
Motherfucker!
"Who did this to you?"