J
The party was in full swing, and I had no place to hide. I hated it. Taehyung had me trapped on his lap, hand around my waist, pulling my back flush to his chest while he stared out at his kingdom. To anyone who looked at us, it looked like an act of possession, but it was more than that. He didn't just think of me like a possession, but he thought he owned me. Every part of my body belonged to him, and if I could leave my kids behind, I'd kill myself just so he could never touch me again. I couldn't do that to my babies though. There was no way to leave them behind to live this life without me.
Taehyung wasn't just a shitty club president and a horrible man, he was a terrible husband, and an even worse father. Since we got "married" I'd had four STDs because he still fucked the club girls on rotation, never wrapping his cock up. I fought against it for so long, but I didn't have any fight left in me anymore. If he wanted to fuck me, I let him, laying there and taking it because it was easier than getting bruised and beaten just for it to have the same result.
I looked down at the hand on my bare stomach. His tattooed knuckles were bloodied from the fight earlier. Fear crawled up my neck, made the hairs on the back stand on edge. His round didn't last long enough; they never did. Of course they didn't. Which member in their right mind–and granted none of them were–would actually try to beat their president in a bare-knuckle boxing match? Not one who didn't want to be kicked out of worse. He still had too much pent up rage, which meant he'd take it out on me later.
With any luck, I'd be able to push him towards one of the club girls and he could fuck it out instead of hitting it out.
Anxiously, I sipped my beer. Every single person in this clubhouse knew the abuse I faced, knew what I went through nearly every day at his hand. Since we got married six years ago, there wasn't a day that went by when I wasn't marked up by a bruise somewhere. In the beginning, he kept them hidden: my thighs, stomach, legs. He stopped caring a long time ago, and now hit me wherever his heart desired.
At least he doesn't take it out on our kids.
That was my only reprieve, that his fists are reserved for me. Our kids–my kids–were sleeping in their bedroom down the hall. We didn't have a house. This was Taehyung's castle, and he was its king. I was supposed to be the queen, but it didn't feel like that. The only person who ever made me feel like a queen was Lisa, and I missed her every fucking day.
I heard her name randomly, when someone in the club mentioned something about the Rebellious Souls. I tried not to listen, not wanting to know. It was easier that way. They'd been talking about them more frequently, and that didn't mean anything good. They weren't allies.
"Quit fucking fidgeting," Taehyung hisses in my ear. I still immediately, knowing if I disobey, not only will I get beat, but he'll have no issue doing it in front of everyone in the clubhouse. I heard the whispers.
Why didn't I just leave him? I had nowhere to go. My own father sold me to him to pay off his gambling debt. I didn't have a choice. The two times I tried to run, once before the wedding, and once after, I was caught. If I run again, he'll kill me, and I can't leave my kids behind like that, with him as their only parent.
The first time I ran, I made it almost all the way to the Rebellious Souls Clubhouse. Lisa wasn't there, still in some desert in The Middle East, but Nathan and Hunter would have taken care of me. I'd known them as long as I'd known Lisa. Taehyung wasn't the one who caught me. It had been his number two and three, Vice President and Sergeant at Arms who dragged me back kicking and screaming. They roughed me up a little when I didn't go willingly, but it was nothing like what Taehyung did to me when he got his hands on me.
I thought that was as bad as things could get.
I was wrong.
"Nothing to say?" Taehyung asked harshly in my ear.
That was when I realized I didn't apologize for my behavior. "Sorry, love," I whispered. The love tasted sour on my tongue. There was no love between us, never had been, never would be, but I was good at pretending. My survival depended on it.
"Good girl." My skin crawled at his tone of voice. Lisa used to whisper that to me, the times I let her use her blade on me, cut me open and make me bleed for her, but it was nothing like this with her. I trusted Lisa. I'd never willingly let Taehyung near me with a knife. He'd kill me. Lisa loved to tie me up, have me bleed for her. Fuck, I miss her, and not just the sex.
Images fill my mind. The first time she whispered she wanted to tie me up. A few times after I let her do that, her broken confession, thinking there was something wrong with her because she wanted to use her knife on my skin. My hand instinctively rubbed against my inner thigh. There was a chunk of flesh missing. Lisa carved her initials into me before she left, marking me, claiming me. LPM. Lalisa Pranpriya Manoban. The love of my goddamn life. On our wedding night when we had sex…when Taehyunt took me and I didn't want it, he saw the raised scars, the mark of another person, lost his mind and cut it right out of me. It took months to heal, got infected because he wouldn't take me to the doctor.
That was the only time he used his knife on me, thank god.
I missed Lisa's touch, how sweet she was with me, even when cutting me open for her. I still have little raised scars across my lower stomach, mixed in with the stretch marks from carrying Taehyung's kids. When I miss her, I run my hands over them, each one a reminder of a time she made me come harder than I ever have in my entire life.
I miss how protective she was. The mark of her possession wasn't one I minded because I gave it willingly. It wasn't stolen from me by some wannabe thief.
Taehyungs hand trailed up my stomach, under the crop top I wore. I forced a breathy whimper out of my mouth, having to play his game. "You love my touch."
Fucking no I don't.
"Yes," I whispered, barely breathing, knowing if I spoke too loud he'd hear the disdain in my voice. I can pretend. It was easier to pretend to want him than to have him force himself on me. It was the only thing I could do to survive: dissociate. Pretend. Either it wasn't him above me, or it wasn't happening to me. Those were my only options.
His hand climbed higher, and I felt the stares. Lisa always said when she claimed me, it would be in public, and it used to make me heady with anticipation. Having been fucked too many times with an audience by Taehyung made that fade quickly. But with Lisa, if that was what she wanted, what it would take for her to forgive me, I'd do it in a heartbeat, however she wanted.
Fuck, Lisa. I clenched my eyes closed, sending up another prayer, another one that was going to go unanswered because I prayed for it every day since she got back from deployment. Her. To rescue me, free me from the trap my life became without her.
Did she think I left her willingly? I hoped not, but she must. If she thought it wasn't what I wanted, she wouldn't have left me here all these years.
Taehyung's hand finally breached my chest, full hand cupping me. He squeezed and I felt…nothing. If I ever had a chance to be with someone again…Lisa…the only one I'd ever want to be with, would I still be able to feel pleasure? Or would sex be ruined for me? The fear had tears falling down my face, but I blinked them away. One thing about Taehyung–I could never let him see me cry or in pain, show any type of emotion other than utter devotion to him and his cause. If I gave him anything other than that, it ended up with me being beaten black and blue.
"Let's go to the bedroom," I whispered, making my voice husky, using the thickness of the tears trapped in my throat for my benefit.
"Good girl." I didn't gag, but I wanted to.
With a tap to my ass, he told me to get off his lap. I did, standing in my sky high heels, cut off shorts, and crop top with the club logo. My daily uniform. I hated it, but it was what was expected of me, even in the dead of winter I wasn't allowed to cover my body.
With a hand on my lower back, Taehyung guided me up the stairs to our bedroom. As soon as we got inside, he pinned me against the door, hand around my throat. Hopefully I would stay conscious this time. I never knew if his hand on my throat and small cock slipping inside me would be the last thing I saw and felt before I died.
His lips crashed to mine, tasting like cigarettes and rum. I hated it. I moaned into his mouth, dissociating and playing the role of the good wife, the one who wanted to drop to her knees for her husband. At least his dick wasn't long enough to choke me.
His kiss was sloppy, uncontrolled from too much booze. With any luck it would be over quickly, but if it wasn't, he wouldn't be able to get it up from too much rum, and then I'd get beaten for not being able to get him hard–as if it was my fucking fault he had a limp dick.
With his hand around my neck, he guided me down to my knees. I did exactly what I knew he wanted, pulled his cock out, stroking him.
"Just like that, sweetheart." I bit my tongue so I didn't say anything. "Fucking suck it."
Opening my mouth, I slipped inside. He was four inches, already completely hard, and I swallowed all of him. Maybe if I worked hard enough, I could get him to cum in my mouth instead of wanting to fuck me. It was better than letting him climb on top of me, or when he forced me to ride him and stare down at him. God, I hated his greasy hair, his fucking hands that always felt grimey. My body didn't belong to me anymore. It hadn't in years.
Taehyung grabbed my head, holding me and forcing me to hold still, my lips wrapped around the base of him. I breathed through my nose easily, not having any trouble taking him. Not after years with Lisa–probably wouldn't be able to handle her anymore now though. I was out of practice.
"Look at me," Taehyung demanded. I tilted my eyes up at him, seeing his nearly black ones stare down at me. If he wasn't a psychopath, they'd be beautiful, but I knew the secrets hiding behind them, the barely human hiding there, masquerading as a man when he was more of an animal.
"So pretty on your knees for me."
I sucked harder, desperately trying to pull his cum from his cock so I didn't have to let him into another part of my body.
He let out a guttural groan, legs starting to shake.
"Enough."
Fuck.
Not getting off that easy tonight.
Taehyung pulled me to my feet, spinning me and bending me over the bed. He'd do nothing to prep me for his cock, not even checking if I was wet enough for him–I wasn't. Never was. He'd just slam into me. I only hoped it would be over quickly.
He pulled my shorts down, and I dug into the sheets, praying for it to be over soon.
His cock nudged my entrance when the bedroom door flew open. Pulling my head from the mattress, I expected to see one of his men drunkenly barging in, but instead, it's Olive, our daughter. As quickly as I could, I stood, tugging my shorts up and rushing to her. She carried her stuffy under one arm, thumb in her mouth, trudging to me sleepily.
"Bad dream, Mama," she mumbled.
"Get her back to bed and come back," Taehyung snarled. He never took any interest in the kids. He would in Holden when Holden got older, preparing him to take over the club. I dreaded the day. I didn't mind the life. There was always something about a bad boy that was a deep man, one who loved and cherished his woman while saying fuck you to everything else, laws and rules and bull shit. That was one of the main reasons I loved Lisa so hard. She was my bad person, but such a good person.
Taehyung wasn't that. Taehyung was a shit man, evil to his soul.
I ignored him and stepped into the hallway, down our private narrow corridor until I got to her bedroom. "Climb in bed, baby. Mama will be right there." I walked to the bathroom, quickly washing my hands and scrubbing my mouth with the soap before going to her. She was wide awake, sitting up in bed, staring at me.
Climbing into the bed with her, I wrapped her in my arms and rocked her softly. She wasn't crying anymore, but I didn't see any traces of sleepiness on her face. She'd had nightmares since she was about two, and I knew it had everything to do with being raised in this hell hole. How could a child feel safe here, when I, as an adult, didn't?
"Sing me a song," she requested, still without any trace of sleepiness.
As I rocked her, I looked at the bed where Holden slept. He was a year and a half younger than she was, and a champion sleeper.
I didn't have a great singing voice, but I sang to her anyway, just hush little baby softly as I tried to get her to go back to sleep. I couldn't leave her, but if I stayed away too long, Taehyung would beat me before fucking me when I got back. After three rounds of singing, her little eyes fluttered closed, and I laid her down, rubbing her back while her breathing evened out.
Sure she was asleep, I tiptoed out of the room, but I didn't make it very far. Taehyung was there, and he pushed me back into the open door, so hard I fell into the kids's room, right on my ass. I scramble to my feet, not wanting to let my kids see what he's about to do to me. They didn't need the added trauma.
Rage flashed in his eyes and his hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing tighter than he ever had. I struggled beneath him, going for his eyes, but he was too big, too strong, and with the hand not choking me, he pinned my hands above my head. I bucked, used all the strength I had in my body to free myself, but nothing worked.
I felt myself struggling to breathe. I always thought he'd end up killing me. Not in front of my kids, please.
"No!" the mighty, little voice that shouted belonged to Olive. Suddenly she was there, slappin at him with her little hands. He had to release my hands to shove her away. But she was so small, he pushed her too hard, landing against the dresser, bashing her head. His distraction was enough, and I freed myself, kneeing him in the balls before shuffling away from him.
"Mama?" I turned to see Holden. I wanted to comfort him, but I need to make sure Taehyung stayed down. He was groaning.
"Dumb cunt," he snarled at me. I was focused on Olive, so I didn't see him grab Holden, wrap his hand around my boy's throat.
Olive blinked her eyes open, but I was sure she had a concussion and that she'd actually lost consciousness. With her in my arms, I turned, finding Taehyung squeezing Holden. When Holden struggled, I watched horrified as he backhanded my baby across the face.
I grabbed the first thing I could find, a lamp from Olive's table, and I swung it as hard as I could, slamming against Taehyung's head. He released Holden and fell to a heap on the floor.
Both my kids were screaming. I scooped them both up and ran out of the room, panicking. I had to get out of here. When he woke up, he'd kill me, no doubt about it. I didn't have time to grab anything, just the kids as I made my escape. One thing that being married to him gave me the privilege of was knowing the escape route for if we got raided. Usually I wasn't alone enough to use it, but I was now, with no idea how much time I actually had before he came for me.
I raced with them in my arms, carrying them without shoes, stumbling in my ridiculous heels as I hurried through the passageway, coming up on the other side of the clubhouse. I didn't have my phone. Didn't have my keys.
I could take one of the club vehicles; they always left the keys under the visor. It would be risky, not knowing who was outside. I didn't have another choice though.
"Mama needs you both to be really quiet for me, okay?" I asked. "I'm gonna get us out of here."
They both nodded and I watched as Olive reached out and patted her brother's head in an it'll be okay gesture. It took ten minutes to get to the front, but thankfully when I did, no one was around. I walked to the first SUV, setting the kids inside. There weren't any carseasts, but it was still safer than staying.
I slipped in the front seat, kept the lights off, and turned the car on. I went as slowly as I dared, scared too much noise would get me caught.
I didn't breathe the entire drive, keeping an eye out for the sound of motorcycles surrounding me.
Thunder cracked and lightning lit up the sky the close I got to the clubhouse. By the time I pulled into the driveway, rain belated the windshield. The kids slept across the back.
No one was around. The club must not be open for a party tonight. When I stepped out, I stepped right into a puddle. Fuck. I opened the trunk, finding boots and jeans. I didn't give a shit who they belonged to. I stripped out of my shorts and heels, tugging on the pants and boots, made sure the door to the SUV was locked, and walked towards the door, getting rain soaked. I hovered, unsure if I should really do this. I didn't have anywhere else to go though, and the club would always help a woman in need. It looked like nothing had changed, except everything had.
As soon as I stepped inside, all heads snapped to me. I felt like a circus animal, all eyes on me as I stood in the center. My breath left me, making me feel as suffocated as I had with Taehyung's hand around me.
"Jennie." I followed the sound, finding Lisa staring at me, confusion written all over her face.
It happened in slow motion, the way she moved towards me. I wanted to race to her, throw my arms around her and never let go.
"Lisa."
I could barely breathe. Her eyes raked up and down me. I saw the moment she noticed the bruises, the anger flashing in her eyes.
"Who did this to you?"