FLIGHT

"Hello, adorable freshmen!" Hawks strode into the classroom and threw Aizawa out the window. "The HPSC sent me to spy on you and report your every weakness to their shadowy hitman squad…"

"Wait, what?"

"And to give you your flight certification!"

The classroom exploded into raucous cheering.

"Yes, I know. Way better than sitting in line at the DMV. For those of you who are tethered to this hunk of rock, you get a study hall. Do homework, play videogames, do drugs for all I care. Anyone with wings, propulsion beams, or really bad gas, follow me."

Hawks didn't bother checking if anyone followed him. When he finally turned around, he wished he had.

"Did you guys not hear me?" he asked.

"We heard you perfectly clear, bird-brain," Bakugo groused.

Hawks pinched his nose. "You mean to tell me that all of you can fly?"

Twenty heads nodded at him.

"Nope. I refuse to believe that. I know my feather buddy Tokoyami-chan can…"

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"But you?" He pointed at Aoyama. "What are you going to do, shoot your laser hard enough to fly?"

Aoyama winked and fired. Hawks watched him twinkle on the horizon, raining death and destruction on the city.

"Okay, guess I walked into that one. But Mina, your whole thing is acid. Last I checked, acid doesn't fly."

"Duh. That's why I brought baking soda!"

She strapped two boxes of baking soda to her legs. When the acid hit it, white froth erupted from the ends.

Hawks sighed. "Guess we're really doing this. Fem-Kermit, you're up.

On Tsuyu's first hop, Hawks raised a triumphant finger. Then she jumped a second time. And a third. All without touching the ground. Hawks' finger drooped.

"I mean, you're not flying so much as jumping on air-"

"It works for Kirby the All-Devouring Hero, doesn't it?"

Hawks sighed and struck another name off the list. "Ah, Iida-san, your Quirk's all about running. How are those jets of yours supposed to help you fly?"

Iida pulled out a radio. "Mission Control, this is Ingenium Two, requesting permission for take-off."

"Ingenium Two, you're clear for launch. Your flight plan is plotted on your Google Glasses."

Iida's glasses lit up, then exploded. He pulled out a new pair. The thrusters in his legs pointed downward, and Iida stared up at the sky.

"Sixty. Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight."

"If you don't launch right now," Hawks said, "I'm arresting you."

"Threetwooneblastoff!"

Iida's engines roared to life. His armored costume trembled with the sheer propulsive forces rocketing out of Iida's legs. A billowing cloud rose around Iida, and a poor frog, which wasn't Tsuyu, was ejected out of U.A.'s campus at high speeds.

Iida's feet rose an inch off of the ground. Then another. The class watched as Iida rose millimeter by millimeter.

In the distance, a bell rang. "Oh would you look at that, our word count ran out. See you all next week!"

495

I was hoping to get all twenty done, and while I could have just rapid-fire did them all, I wanted to give the jokes some actual room to breathe. So… multi-parter! Woo!