87: Sometimes it's the backline positions that are most important.
"The step after the summoning is a crucial one. You need to pick off Berserk Saber in Lyon - Chevalier d'Eon is the type of Servant who is unremarkable on her own, but as part of a team she's much more dangerous. Her being out on her own like that is a chance that's too big to pass up on." The Professor said, "On the other hand, you need to avoid engaging Batenkaitos too soon. With just Siegfried, Merry, and Gareth, you're lacking anyone capable of trapping him into a fight. Remember that his little Fafnir masquerade will end the moment he knows that you know who he really is - after that, he'll come in full force. His perfect timing so far makes me almost certain that he's got [Presence Concealment], so if he does find out, you might as well just reset then and there."
"Yeah." I replied. "If he tags me when I'm not expecting it, it's over. Louis only ate my memories of Lugnica back then, but the safe assumption is that he'll be able to get them all."
"...Speaking of which, that new ability of yours-" He starts to say.
"[Solar Flare], I think I'm calling it." Sorry, Toriyama-sensei. "The previous holders of [Gluttony] were able to gain new uses for their authority like picking out new candy at the convenience store - I guess I'm the same there. The ability to replace my [Name] with that of someone whose grudge I've devoured… I'm sure it's got other uses, but-"
"Grudge, not curse?" He asked. "That's an important distinction."
"...Yeah, my gluttony devours grudges, not curses. I think I could eat ghosts too, if they were weak enough." I answered. "The reason why I eat that specifically… my element, maybe? Though I think the test on Earth suggested that was [Curse], and in Lugnica it was [Yin]."
"Regardless, if you say you eat grudges, not curses, then you're probably right." The Professor said, exhaling a small cloud of smoke. "That does explain why you died from Ahab and not Angra Mainyu. The latter's curse ought to be much stronger, but…"
"One being cannot truly seek vengeance against all humanity." The Count mutters. "The path of revenge is always a deeply personal one."
"Exactly. There's seven billion humans on Earth; that's so far beyond Dunbar's number it's obscene." The Professor says. "Any grudge held against so many would be so abstract as to be devoid of meaning. Just the same as the abstract pity expressed for humanity by the Demon God Flauros, or the twisted love claimed by Prelati. It's little more than a lie they tell themselves."
"...Does that mean I can eat the curse on Siegfried?" I ask. "France is pretty big, after all…"
"Even beyond that, remember that Dark Jeanne is a fake. Her grudge is practically nonexistent to begin with." Professor Velvet explains. "But that brings us back to the next step…
"Alright, tomorrow morning enemies are going to start showing up, so we'll need to play it carefully." I say between bites of mediocre quenelle. "First will be Fafnir, but with Siegfried up and about, he'll probably get too skittish and refuse to engage."
"Huh?" Gareth asks. "How do you… mmph, mnch… wow! This food is really good!" It's not, though. Just how bad was Camelot's food, anyway?
"Um, Monsieur Subaru, how do you know who will be attacking us?" Merry asks.
"Can't tell you." I say. "Sorry, but that's the rules."
"It's some sort of Geas." Doctor Romani explains via hologram - woah, did the director finally go to bed? "It's pretty much useless to ask how Subaru knows what he knows, but when he gets new information it's always reliable."
"Okay…?" Merry says.
"That aside, I may not remember any sort of battle with a dragon named Fafnir, but-" Siegfried says.
"Oh, wow, the famous dragon-fight-amnesia!" Gareth shouts. "Sir Lancelot also- eh, Master, what's with that expression?"
"Ah… how do I say this…" I mutter. "One of our enemies is a Berserk Lancelot, so… prepare yourself, I guess."
"...Oh." She mutters, closing her eyes. A brief silence follows - and then Gareth slaps her cheeks and the smile returns to her face. "Okay! That's okay, since I'm already resolved!"
"You already forgave him, huh?" I ask, a bitter smile on my face.
"Mm. It's Sir Lancelot, after all." She says with a nod. To be honest, I don't think there's any way I could agree with her perspective. I don't even know if Lancelot would agree with her perspective.
"Sorry, but… to return to the subject." Siegfried says. "I don't believe that Fafnir is the type to get 'skittish'."
"...You'd think that, but he got wounded yesterday, so he's acting a little shy." I lie. I don't know when Batenkaitos will start spying on us under [Presence Concealment], waiting for an opening. It shouldn't be tonight, but I need to be careful. If I tip my hand too soon, Prelati's little game will be over and I'll have to deal with an unrestricted archbishop. "That aside, the second enemy is Berserk Saber. Doctor, that's where you come in."
"Huh? Me!?" He shouts.
Combat the next morning opens on a scene of disaster.
"Haha! Finally - what all the others were incapable of! I'll do it myself, and kill this wretched Dragonslayer!" Chevalier d'Eon laughs. Siegfried gazes back, immobilized by the curses layered upon him, and I can only watch… and try my best not to laugh.
"Your Majesty, are you watching? This is my dedication! This is my love! All of your enemies, all who side with France will-" The Berserk Saber continues to ramble.
"I.." 'Siegfried' mumbles.
"Now, die, you wretched ingrate-!" She shouts, lunging forward. There's nothing Siegfried, crippled by his cursed injuries could do to avoid it… if he was actually Siegfried, anyway.
"...am a rampaging wolf!" Gareth concludes, her [Ring of Illusion] dispersing. "[Ira Lupus]!"
It really would have been hard to pull off this ruse with the right timing if Chaldea hadn't been monitoring her approach. I guess we could have used Watcher's [Universal Bird's Eye], but… nope, fuck that guy.
The rapid thrusts of her lance find d'Eon's flesh, and in a rapid series of blows, the Saber is propelled backwards, shoved down the street as countless slashes and holes are added to her body.
"Wha-!?" She barely has time to utter, before the [Gunlance]'s final thrust erupts in a torrent of blue ether that tears her body in half.
"You… pathetic worms…" Chevalier d'Eon hisses as she dissolves into a shower of golden dust. "Your majesty, I…"
A familiar pulse resounds through the town square as she dies, as Merry absorbs her Spirit Origin. The girl's eyes narrow into pinpricks, and she begins to hyperventilate - okay, that's enough of that.
"Anyway, that's the last Spirit Origin I'll be letting you absorb, so relax a bit." I say, resting my hand on her head.
"-Huh?" She asks. "But… every time we beat an enemy-"
"Oh, you won't be going with us to Paris." I explain. "To be honest, I don't have any plan for you or Siegfried to fight at all. I'm pretty sick of dancing to the multi-century schemes of ancient assholes by this point."
"Th-that's- eek!" She shrieks, recoiling at the sound of some invisible voice shouting.
"Shut up, you stupid fish!" I shout at the sky. "Maybe if you could treat a single peasant girl well you might have ended up as something less wretched!"
Slowly, Merry stops trembling, and looks up at me. "A-are you really just a butler?"
"Well, I'm a knight too." I say with a shrug and chuckle. "Still, it's easy to shout at someone I can't hear, you know? All that aside, once we link up with the rest of my party, I'll be sending you and Siegfried to a zone that shouldn't have much combat. At worst… some sea fiends, maybe?"
"Is that… really going to be okay?" She asks.
"Yeah, Subaru - I'm sure you know this, but the Director will have your hide if you send one of the most famous dragonslayers to the sidelines!" Doctor Roman says.
"I wouldn't really call it the sidelines." I say. "We'll be drawing Dark Jeanne's attention to Paris, but it needs to be someone who can handle a stray servant or two if worst comes to worst. We need to keep the coast at Golfe-Juan open."
"Golfe-Juan!?" Roman shouts. "Wait, hang on, isn't that-!?"
"Yup. There'll be a boat arriving in the next few days - straight from Elba." I reply.
"Do you think that speed of yours will be enough to crew an entire boat by yourself?" Professor Velvet asked.
"Kuhahaha! Child's play!" The Count of Monte Cristo boasted. "There are three places I know best. The first is the inside of my cell, in the Chateau d'If. The second, my childhood home. But the third is the whole of the Mediterranean Sea. It was not for no reason that I called myself Sinbad the Sailor."
"So, how long is a trip like that going to take?" I asked.
"Hmph. I won't give you a perfect time of my arrival. All I will say is… Wait, and hope." The Count said.
"Six days, probably." The Professor said. "It took three days for the one-way journey before the Hundred Days, so the round trip is probably twice that… right, Count?"
"Wait… and hope." The Count repeated.
"Are you sure you're not still Berserk…?" I mumbled.