The sound of the door closing dragged him out of his thoughts, made him realise his madness. "Max, I don't want to…" Remembering her note in his hand, he quickly stuffed it into his trouser pocket as he spun around to face the door. "Oh, it's you…"
"Well…" Elsa huffed, "you sound happy to see me…"
"Elsa… darling…" Georg forced a smile, an apology of sorts. Realising he still had hold of Maria's note, he let go as if it had burned his fingers, swiftly pulling his hand out of his trouser pocket. Oh God, what was she doing here? Reaching up, he tugged nervously at his ear.
Undeterred by Georg's lukewarm welcome, Elsa swept across the study, her eyes glancing sideways at the clean desk on her way. Just as she thought, in here sulking…
In his guilt and the madness of the moment, he found himself marvelling at the way Elsa was able to glide across a room with such grace, with so little effort, it was hard to believe her feet were touching the ground. "It's been a long day…" he offered by way of explanation.
"Hmmm…" she brushed aside his excuse. They both knew his behaviour had nothing to do with the length of the day.
"Thankfully, it's almost over…" forging on, he realised was fooling no one, least of all Elsa. "Forgive me…" he mumbled an apology.
Having reached her destination, the sofa and armchairs placed in a semi-circle in front of the fire, she stopped in front of Georg. Touching his arm, she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Forgiven," her voice was low and sultry. "You know I can never be mad at you for long, Georg."
He closed his eyes, breathing in her perfume. She'd put up with so much over the two years they'd been something of an item. I don't deserve you… He bent down to kiss her cheek, but his eyes flew open as she suddenly pulled away.
Frowning, she was looking past him at the fireplace. "What's burning?"
"What…?" Guilty fingers on his left-hand began flexing beside his leg.
"I can smell something burning," she was still frowning at the fireplace. "It's far too hot for a fire," she looked back at him like he was completely mad.
"Er-hm…" clearing his throat, he reached up and tugged at his ear again. "I was just burning some papers," he smiled sheepishly, turning to stare into the hearth. Realising the poker was still in his hand, he bent down, stoking the smouldering pile, making sure all the notes had been burned or were blackened enough not to be read by prying eyes. "Confidential…" he explained, facing her with a shrug.
"Oh, Georg, no wonder you've been so evasive!" Elsa trilled brightly, despite the pointed meaning behind her words. "I didn't realise your work was top secret…"
"I'd hardly call it top secret, darling," his smile did little to hide his defensive tone.
"You know your secrets are safe with me," her tone was seductive, her meaning filled with promise.
"Oh-ho…" he chuckled nervously, deftly evading the suggestive path she'd steered the conversation.
"Well, whatever it is, I can see your work is finished," she glanced over her shoulder at the clean desk. "Lucky me," she added, raising a brow.
"I've just finished," he fibbed.
"Perfect timing, then," Elsa smiled.
"You're always perfect, darling," he turned to place the poker on the edge of the hearth. "Actually, I'm glad you stopped by…"
"Oh…?"
"I need the distraction…" he motioned for her to sit on the sofa. That was his problem. He'd been left alone with his own thoughts for too long.
"Really, Georg!" Huffing, Elsa sat down and crossed her legs in one graceful movement, not bothering to adjust the skirt of her dress, which had slipped up to expose her knees. "I'd like to think I was more than a mere distraction," she pouted.
"Oh-ho, you're much more than a distraction," he sat down on one of the armchairs. Clearing his throat, he took one more glance at the fireplace then smiled across to the sofa.
"A drink, darling…?" Remembering his manners, he went to stand up. "A sweet sherry, perhaps…"
"That would be lovely," she nodded.
Busying himself at the drink's cabinet, he took the glass stopper off the decanter and poured a glass of sherry. Reaching for the brandy, he glanced behind him at Elsa. He really should be more appreciative. After all, she'd saved him from himself time and again, all the while putting up with his moods. Like a saint, she was still putting up with him and his moods. Max was right. Whatever this is, he needed to let it go…
"Now, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he walked back to the sofa and handed the glass of sherry to her.
"Well, the children are tucked up in bed, Max is having an early night," she ticked off the list in her head, "and to be honest, Georg, I was getting bored with my own company."
"Oh, I'd hardly call you boring either, darling!" he gave her a quick smile as she threw her head back in amusement. It was nice to hear her laughter. He took a sip of brandy, the burn clearing some of the fog in his head. "I'm sorry, I can't promise you'll find me any more exciting…"
"There you go, running yourself down again, Georg!"
He laughed again, settling back in the armchair. This is exactly what he needed.
"Well, if you must know, there was one thing I was wondering…" she paused, suddenly serious.
Georg could feel his guilty heart skip a beat before it took off again, racing. Where was this conversation headed? "Hmmm…" he prompted as nonchalantly as possible.
"I was wondering," she dropped her head coyly to the side, "perhaps we could go to town tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow…?" Georg frowned.
"Well, you've been away in town these past few days, pre-occupied with business, or something…" Elsa smiled to herself, noting the guilt flash across Georg's face. A guilty conscience was such a useful tool in the right hands. "Working on that top secret business of yours…" she added in a husky whisper.
"I'm sorry, I have been neglecting you, darling…" he shuffled in the armchair. God, if only she knew… "Did you have something in mind?"
"I thought it might be nice to spend the afternoon together," Elsa suggested. "We could do lunch, perhaps?"
"I suppose we could…" Georg ran fingers across his jawline, weighing up the idea. An afternoon with Elsa. Perhaps that's what he needed. It would help keep his mind off Maria. And maybe, it was time to face the fact, she wasn't coming back. "It might be good for all of us," he conceded, "especially the children…"
"The children…?'' she masked her horror with a smile. You want to bring the children? She dropped her head slightly to the side, lengthening her neck and accentuating her exposed collar bone. "Oh, I was thinking of just us, Georg."
"Not take the children…? Do you think that's a good idea?" Georg frowned. "They really are quite lost without Fraulein Maria."
"Max can stay and look after them," Elsa suggested.
"Won't Max be with us?" his frown deepened.
"I was hoping it might just be the two of us," Elsa bit back a sigh. Did she really have to spell everything out to this man? Sometimes, she wondered if he'd earned all those medals or simply stole them.
"Unchaperoned…?" Georg raised a brow.
"I think we can both be trusted to drive to town and back without creating a scandal!" Elsa laughed, hiding her irritation.
Georg joined in her laughter. She really was easy company. A day with Elsa might be just the thing to take his mind off everything. Well, Maria mainly… And Max would brighten up the children's mood in no time. True, Max wasn't Fraulein Maria, but he was the next best thing they had.
"I'll have a word with Max in the morning," Georg relaxed into the armchair. "But I may have to drop into the solicitors after lunch." He'd spent so much time parked outside the Abbey these past two days, he'd neglected to review and sign the documents they'd drawn up for him last week. "It should only take an hour."
"Oh, I suppose I could fill in an hour with a little bit of shopping if I have to," she rolled her eyes playfully. Thrilled by the prospect of spending tomorrow afternoon alone with Georg, she'd happily play along. Not that Salzburg's stores stocked anything resembling Vienna's haute couture. She'll probably have to settle for last year's styles. But it would be worth it. Finally, no chaperone, no children, and more importantly, no governess. He'll have forgotten all about the little nun before lunch was over.
"Well, I suppose it's all…" his words were cut off by the sound of the study door opening. Turning, his frown quickly grew into a smile at the sight of his eldest daughter in the doorway. "Liesl…?" His eyes glanced at the clock on the mantel. Past eleven – way past her bedtime.
Standing in her nightgown, Liesl had finally given in to the nagging of her brothers and sisters. Her eyes moved from her father to Baroness Schraeder and then back to her father. She was expecting to find Father alone. What was the Baroness doing here?
"Good evening, Father…" she smiled nervously. "Baroness Schraeder…" she gave a little nod, but quickly looked away from the woman's obvious annoyance.
"What are you doing at this late hour?" Georg gently prompted his daughter, who looked uncertain and timid standing in the doorway. It wasn't like her. She had Agathe's air of assurance and cool confidence. But his heart started tightening, his mind racing, the longer she stood in the doorway. "Is something wrong…?" concerned, he went to stand up.
"No, stay there, Father…" Liesl watched him sit back in the armchair. "It doesn't matter…" shaking her head, she looked nervously at Baroness Schraeder, then dropped her eyes to her bare feet. "I'm sorry to interrupt… it can wait until tomorrow…"
"Sweetheart…" Georg called across the room, stopping Liesl as she turned to leave. "Come over here." Offering his outstretched hand, he held a breath, watching his daughter hesitate, then give him a tentative smile as she stepped slowly across the room towards him. Taking her hand, he wrapped his fingers tightly around hers, giving them a reassuring squeeze. "What's wrong…?" he asked again, hoping this time she might tell him.
Liesl perched herself on the arm of his chair and sighed. Avoiding Baroness Schraeder's glare, she was sure she heard the woman click her tongue in disapproval. She took in a deep breath, gathering her courage, before she spoke. "Father, it's Fraulein Maria…"
"Fraulein Maria…?" Cursing himself, Georg realised he'd said her name too fast, and a little too loud.
Liesl nodded, deciding it was best to pretend Baroness Schraeder wasn't there. Although, it was hard to ignore the overwhelming, clingy scent of her perfume – like the sickly-sweet fragrance of jasmine hanging heavy in the air on a spring day.
Bracing himself, Georg held his daughter's hand a little tighter. Had she heard something?"What about Fraulein Maria?" he prompted his daughter.
"Have you heard from her…?" she asked quietly.
Georg's heart dropped. He was hoping she had…
"You see…" Liesl continued, "we're all just wondering, well… has she told you when she's coming back…"
"I haven't heard from her," he shook his head, "not since her note."
"Do you know how much longer she'll be away?" Liesl asked expectantly.
"I'm afraid not," Georg squeezed Liesl's hand, feeling guilty for feeding his children's false hopes. His false hopes. "Her note didn't say."
"But she'll be back soon?" Liesl asked, holding her breath in anticipation.
"I hope so, sweetheart," Georg reassured, choosing his words carefully letting go of her hand and brushing his knuckles gently down her sad cheek.
"We all miss her so much, Father," Liesl whispered, her voice choked.
"I know…" Georg soothed, his voice catching a little. As they quietly contemplated life without her, the clock on the mantel counted away the seconds – one, two, and then a third. "Why don't you go back to bed and try to get some sleep?" he finally broke the oppressive silence.
Liesl nodded sadly and stood to leave. "Could we visit her?" One final attempt for the sake of her brothers and sisters…
"I don't see how, sweetheart," Georg answered softly, shifting uneasily in his chair. Don't worry, I've thought of that. "I don't think they take visitors at the Abbey."
"Oh…" Liesl's disheartened response did nothing to hide her disappointment.
"Liesl…" Elsa's voice broke the silence.
Georg and Liesl turned to the sofa as one. They'd almost forgotten she was in the room, that they weren't alone.
"We might have to face the possibility that Fraulein Maria isn't coming back," Elsa tried to be as gentle as she could, but she was fast losing patience with Georg. He was acting like a fool! He needed to be honest with the children, and honest with himself.
"Not coming back…?" Liesl mumbled, looking at the Baroness like she was barking mad.
Georg shot Elsa a look, but she raised a brow at him defiantly, daring him to challenge her in front of his daughter.
"But Father, how can she not come back…?" Feeling her eyes start to sting, Liesl turned away from Baroness Schraeder to her father. "She can't have just left, not like that."
"Baroness Schraeder is right," once again, Georg chose his words carefully. "It may not be Fraulein Maria's choice. She may have to stay at the Abbey."
"Stay…?" Liesl looked at her father, horrified. "So, we get another governess? Just like that…"
"I think we might have to…" he answered tentatively.
He watched as confusion turned to resignation and mingled with the sadness already dominating his daughter's features. As if in a trance, still not believing what she'd heard, she turned and took a few heavy steps towards the door. "Liesl…" he called out after her. She stopped and turned around, swiping at a tear that had slipped down her cheek. "Tell your brothers and sisters to get to bed," a soft smile and gentle tone accompanied what, only weeks ago, would have been a harsh command. "I'll be up shortly."
He watched her nod then continue to the doorway and quietly disappear into the hall, closing the door softly behind her.
The clock ticked away the seconds – one, two, three, a fourth…
"Georg…" breaking the silence, Elsa pursed her lips, waiting patiently for Georg to turn his attention from the door, back to her. "Do you think that's wise?"
"What's wise, darling?"
"Giving the children false hope," Elsa looked at him carefully. "Don't you think we all need to face the real possibility that Fraulein Maria might not return?"
"Not return…?" Georg snapped.
"Well, I don't know…" Elsa pressed her fingertips into her hair, reminding herself she couldn't say too much. Remember, you know nothing. "You just said yourself, you haven't heard from her, there's only her note…"
"Her note wasn't clear," he answered bluntly.
"Still…" the word trailed off as Elsa bit back her frustration. Georg really needed to face facts. If she was only visiting the Abbey, she wouldn't have packed up all her things, such as they were, and left with hardly a word. Besides, as much as Georg was being secretive about the girl's note, it had sounded pretty final to her. Not that she could tell Georg that. Just as she couldn't tell him that the girl made it very clear the night of the party, she needed to go back to being a nun and she wouldn't be returning. Why did he insist on keeping up this charade? "I think we just need to brace ourselves, and the children, for the possibility…" she gave him a smile then took a sip of sherry.
"What do you suggest?" he snapped, wondering when Elsa suddenly became such an authority on raising children.
"Well, Fraulein Maria was due to leave in a few weeks," over the top of her glass, Elsa blinked up at him through long lashes. "So, should it really matter if she left a little earlier than planned?"
"It matters to the children," he bristled, having half a mind to tell her that he'd been planning to ask Maria to stay beyond the end of the holidays.
"There's no need to get so upset," Elsa told him. "I'm just saying, the children knew Fraulein Maria wasn't going to stay forever," she gave him a smile. And so did you. "The children will get used to the idea. They have to…"
"Eventually…" he tightened his jaw defiantly against her words of common sense and good reason. As much as he was clinging to hope, deep down, he knew Elsa was right. Perhaps, he had been reading too much into Maria's note. Reading into it what he wanted her to say, rather than what she actually wrote. "But it's a nuisance having to find a new governess at such short notice," he sighed, trying to cover for his mood, "and for such a short time too."
"I realise that, darling," Elsa soothed.
"And it won't be easy to replace her…" his words hung in the room for a few awkward seconds, both realising what he'd said.
"So, perhaps we should consider whether we really need a governess," Elsa suggested.
"Not have a governess…?" Georg frowned.
"The holidays will be over before we know it," Elsa explained, "and we won't need a governess with the children back at school." Boarding school, if I get my way. That's if it's not too late to find something suitable. "You'll only find someone and then they'll have to leave."
"I see what you mean…" he muttered tugging at his ear.
"I saw how much trouble they were before you found Fraulein Maria," Elsa continued, heartened with Georg slowly coming around to her point of view. "Darling, that's why I wonder whether we should worry ourselves about governesses," she sighed. "Why, remember how often you had to rush back to sort out the governess only to replace her with one who was even worse?"
Georg's thumb drummed the arm of the chair, remembering only too well.
"Liesl's right." Elsa took a deep breath, summoning the strength for what she was about to say. "I don't think we'll be able to replace Fraulein Maria…" she tried to say it as sincerely as possible. God knows that girl was one of a kind.
"We won't…" Georg answered abruptly.
"Well, that's my point exactly…" Elsa smiled pleasantly. Pleased with the direction the conversation was going, she could forgive Georg his unhealthy obsession with the girl. Thank God she'd been here to nip it in the bud. "Oh, Georg, wouldn't it be wonderful, if instead of a new governess, we told the children they'll have something much better…" her words trailed off.
"Better…?" he snapped. What could be better than Fraulein Maria?
"Yes, better…" she breezed, ignoring his prickliness. "It's time the children had a solid routine, something more permanent…"
"What does that mean?" On the back of several sleepless nights, he really wished Elsa would stop speaking in riddles.
"The children… well, the older girls especially, are at such a delicate age," she explained.
"Delicate…?" His frown deepened. What on Earth was Elsa going on about?
"Now hear me out, darling, before you get all defensive," she gently scolded him. "Take Liesl… it won't be long before she'll be coming of age," she held up her hand to stop his protests. "There's no point putting your head in the sand, Georg," she chided him. "It's not fair to thrust a social calendar onto the poor girl without proper guidance, otherwise, who knows what might become of her."
"If you ask me, she seems to be doing alright…"
"I know she's doing well now, darling," Elsa nodded in agreement. "But she can't spend the rest of her life at school, can she?"
Georg slowly shook his head.
"There's so much she doesn't know that a girl of her age simply must know," Elsa chose her words carefully. "Fashion, make-up, etiquette, deportment…"
Georg stared blankly at Elsa as she reeled off a seemingly endless list. He was exhausted, tired of all this. His head was aching. And she was simply reinforcing how clueless and unprepared he was for his daughters moving into their late teenage years.
"…she needs an experienced hand to guide her, to ease her into society," Elsa continued, "we can't have her making any mistakes."
"Mistakes…?"
"A serious mistake early on can set a young girl back for the rest of her life," Elsa tut-tutted, shaking her head. "One wrong step can be fatal…"
"That sounds a bit over-dramatic…" Georg frowned.
"I can't tell you how many times I've seen it happen – too many times to count!" Elsa declared.
"I see…" Georg replied, although he really didn't.
"And there's not just Liesl to worry about…" Elsa frowned. "Before we know where we are, there'll be Louisa." She paused, wondering if she could ever mould that girl into a young lady. She'd definitely have her work cut out with that one. "And then there will be Brigitta, Marta and Gretl."
"You might be right, Elsa," Georg admitted. The whole thing was giving him a migraine. "I really don't know the first thing about girls…"
"Oh, girls aren't the problem, Georg," Elsa continued. "It's when they become young ladies…"
"You have a point, darling," Georg ran his fingers along a concerned jaw. He might be clueless about his own teenage girls, but he knew all too well what went through a young man's mind, especially when he saw a pretty girl. He wouldn't be there to watch over Liesl forever, especially with her sisters not too far behind. How could he ever keep his five girls safe? "What do you suggest?"
"Well…" Elsa paused for a moment. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if the children, especially the girls, had a new mother?"
"A new mother…?" he barely said the words out loud.
"Yes, a new mother!"
A new mother…? Frowning at images of young men lining up to take advantage of his unsuspecting daughters, he weighed the idea in his mind. Here was Elsa – charming, witty, graceful, perfectly connected – offering to help. Fraulein, you said so yourself, Liesl's almost a woman and I haven't even realised. You were right. I hadn't…
Elsa smiled triumphantly across to the armchair at Georg deep in thought.
"You're right," this time he said it with far more conviction. "My children don't need a governess or some new member of staff. They need a mother…" his words trailed off, struck by the enormity of what he was about to do. Putting his glass of brandy on the side table, he cleared his throat as he turned back to Elsa.
"Darling, I'm afraid it's not the most romantic of proposals…" he paused to take in a deep breath, almost dreading the words to come. Forgive me Agathe, my love. "Elsa, will you marry me?"
oOo
"Well…?"
Liesl closed the door behind her and looked at the expectant faces of Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt and Brigitta gathered on her bed. Marta, who'd fallen asleep some time ago, had been carried to the room she shared with Gretl and tucked into bed.
"What did Father say?" Louisa asked.
"Not much…" Liesl shrugged.
"What do you mean not much?" Friedrich frowned.
"Well, what could he say?" Liesl walked over and dropped dejectedly on the edge of the bed. "Baroness Schraeder was there, so he couldn't really say anything."
"What was she doing there?" Kurt screwed up his face.
"Who knows…" Liesl sighed. "But she wasn't happy to see me, and she was even more unhappy when I asked Father about Fraulein Maria."
"Forget about her…" Friedrich snapped impatiently. "Has Father heard from Fraulein Maria?"
"No…" Liesl shook her head.
"Why not…?" Louisa asked. Fraulein Maria has to come home.
"Is she ever coming back…?" Brigitta asked, her voice catching. "Did you even ask?"
"Of course, I did," Liesl nodded sadly, still not sure how she was going to tell her brothers and sisters.
"And…?" Friedrich asked.
"Baroness Schraeder butted in…" Liesl rolled her eyes. "She explained that we should face the fact that Fraulein Maria may not return…"
"Not return…" her brothers and sisters squawked in unison.
"She can't not come back…" Brigitta sniffed.
"So, what are we supposed to do?" Louisa asked, anger building. "Get another governess?"
"I don't want another one…" Kurt announced defiantly. "I want Fraulein Maria."
"We all do," Liesl hugged her youngest brother to her.
Silence fell around them as they contemplated a world without Fraulein Maria. It was almost too awful to think about…
"Why would Baroness Schraeder say that?" Friedrich's question broke the silence.
"Because she's mean…" Kurt huffed.
"What did Father say?" Friedrich asked.
"He kind of agreed with her…" Liesl was still trying to understand what Father had said. "Or I think he did…"
"She knows something…" Louisa's mind was retracing the past three days, sifting through all that had happened since they'd last seen Fraulein Maria.
"Knows what…?" Liesl turned to her sister.
"Well, Fraulein Maria was so happy at the party, we all were…" Louisa explained. "Why would she suddenly leave?"
The question hung around the four walls of Liesl's bedroom.
"We were all so happy…" Louisa murmured.
"But Baroness Schraeder wasn't, was she?" Brigitta swiped at her tears.
"How do you know, silly?" Kurt turned to his sister.
"No, Brigitta, you're right…" Liesl smiled at her sister. "Baroness Schraeder was really angry when she saw Father dancing with Fraulein Maria…"
"I bet she had something to do with this…" Louisa narrowed her eyes. "We need to speak to Fraulein Maria."
"Can we do that?" Kurt asked.
"We have to…" Louisa snapped. "We have to find a way…"
oOo
Removing a pin from her hair, she let the last lock of blonde hair fall past her shoulder. Smiling back at herself, she had to admit, she'd been dealt a perfect hand these past days. And she couldn't have played her cards any better. Who could have imagined the party setting all of this in motion. After all, the idea for a party had been spur of the moment, a desperate attempt to wrestle Georg's attention back after she'd caught him fawning over the governess.
Why, he'd practically been serenading the girl in front of her and the children…
Against all the odds, and without too much effort, she'd seen off the little nun. Literally! She laughed, a deep throaty laugh. It had been far too easy, really. Having followed the girl upstairs, she'd only planned to have a little chat – woman to woman – while pretending to help choose a dress from the girl's woeful selection. She'd hadn't imagined the girl would scarper off into the night. What made it even more delightful, the girl had sworn her to secrecy. Well, she could hardly break the confidence of a nun, could she? She threw her head back, laughing.
Her mind drifted back to the night of the party. It wasn't long after dinner when Franz had given her the note addressed to Georg. He'd found it on the side table and was worried it might get picked up by one of the guests. Asking where the Captain was, she'd offered to take it from him and give it to Georg. Of course, she'd recognise the distinctive handwriting on the envelope anywhere. Smudged and messy just like the young girl who's hand had written it.
Thankfully, she'd found a quiet moment to read the note. Where in God's name would they all be if she hadn't?
Realising there wouldn't be anything gained by handing it to Georg straight away, she'd held onto it for the rest of the evening. The man was so enamoured with the girl, she was sure he'd have taken off into the night after her. And besides, the girl had made her promise not to say anything. This was just her way of ensuring the girl had a head start, so she could make it back to the Abbey, just like she wanted, without Georg making a spectacle of himself.
On her way to breakfast the next morning, she'd popped the girl's note back on the side table. Franz wasn't going to say anything. He knew his place better than anyone. Besides, she'd seen the way he looked at the little nun. The butler was as relieved as her to see the last of the girl as she was.
She smiled triumphantly at her reflection.
Of course, she'd hoped one day it might happen, but she couldn't quite believe today was the day. She would soon be the new Baroness von Trapp. It had a nice ring to it…
Speaking of rings, perhaps they could stop at a jewellers tomorrow. Stretching out her hand she held up it up, imaging a diamond encrusted gold ring.
She looked back at herself in the mirror. And to think, it really hadn't taken any effort at all to nudge Georg in the right direction.
Why he probably thinks this was all his idea…
oOo
Sitting out on the terrace, he gazed out at the inky black lake. As far as the eye could see, a bright strip of moonlight stretched from the landing towards the white caps of the Alps. It was a clear night, a full-moon and stars filled the black sky. His eyes automatically found the North Star. Old habits die hard. Out on the water, it would often guide them home. On those particularly desperate nights when gunfire echoed all around, he'd catch himself talking to it. He'd become so reliant on it, like the sentimental fool he was, he'd nicknamed it Agathe. Of course, she laughed at him when he'd told her.
Absentmindedly tapping the end of an unlit cigarette on the arm of the chair, he looked down at his hand. He wasn't even sure why he'd stopped in the sitting room to take it from Elsa's cigarette case. He couldn't remember his last drag on a cigarette, but he clearly remembered when he'd suddenly given up the habit. A particularly bad case of influenza. With his lungs struggling under the strain of years of smoking, he'd almost drowned in his own fluid. Even now, it was hard not to see the irony. Who'd have imagined a man who spent years underwater on U-boats could drown in his own bed. The fear, knowing that his children had come close to being orphaned was all the motivation he needed to give up if he ever pulled through.
He looked back at the North Star and sighed. Why did you leave us, Agathe? Staring at the bright star, he was convinced it was her blinking back and not some distant planet. He sighed again, knowing it wasn't her fault. She wouldn't have left them if she had a choice. Not like you, Fraulein…. You left without a reason, not even word. Why did you leave?
Agitated, he ran his finger down the wheel of the lighter he'd bought with him from the study. Why couldn't you just stay? If you stayed, everything wouldn't be such a mess. He sighed. I don't know what to tell the children. You always knew the right thing to say, Fraulein. I just end up making a mess of things.
Am I doing the right thing, my love?
He sighed, waiting for an answer that he knew would never come. Elsa was right, the girls needed a guiding hand, a woman's touch. God knows, he couldn't provide them with that.
And reminded of his own brush with fate, the children needed a mother, just in case something happened to him. But something had held him back. True, he wasn't in love with Elsa. Not that giddy, head-over-heels kind of love that sent your heart soaring and pulse racing. But there was a deep affection. He cherished their friendship, found her amusing, quick witted, and he doubted if there were any women who looked as lovely. From friendship, love would grow.
Still, for all the sensible reasons why he should marry Elsa, something was nagging away. Something, he couldn't quite put his finger on.
For a moment or two, the sound of an owl, mournful and solitary, called out, breaking his thoughts. But it wasn't long before it gave up, and the silence weighed heavy again. He stared out beyond the lake, over the dark shadows lining the distant shore, up to the peak of the Untersberg, glowing as brilliant a white in the moonlight as it did under the sun and blue sky.
Why did you leave without a word, Fraulein?
If only she'd spoken to him, he could have talked her into staying. He might have found out what was troubling her. Cursing under his breath, his fingers curled into a fist, crushing the cigarette, leaving him with nothing but a handful of tobacco.
Nothing was the same since she left. He closed his eyes. It never would be the same…
oOo
Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing.
I'm sure my BFC (Baroness Fan Club) membership is permanently suspended by now…
I don't own TSOM, just having a lend.
"Immerse your soul in love"