These past few weeks have been surprisingly…pleasant. Much more than I deserve. I know Hitomi tries so hard, but I still don't believe I have any worth. She doesn't know what I did to Sayaka. To Madoka. To everyone. Still, like before, I cannot bring myself to push her away. Actually, since I actually let her see me vulnerable, I suppose it's even worse now. She's been nothing but kind and supportive to me, even providing me a shoulder to cry on when I need it. When I think of her. It hurts so much.

'I'm not going anywhere, especially if it's so far away, I couldn't see you again. I'd never do something like that!' Heh. If only she had known.

'Homura, don't! You'll rip me apart!'
'It has to be this way. I'm never going to let you go again.'

My thoughts always return to…then. Yes. I betrayed her. Ripped her clean in two even as she begged me to stop. It probably hurt her. I would imagine even more than it hurt me to do it. But it's okay! I'm the only one who cares that she was suffering! Everyone else is just ungrateful. If I have to be the villain of her story, so be it. If I have to die just to hammer in how important her happiness is, so be it! At least…that's what I kept telling myself. Without my desire for Madoka's happiness, I would be left only with my desire for the end. And my desire…to lash out at everyone who hurt me.

'You're going to stay and help! Incubator~'

'Will you be able to stand against me? You're having a hard time remembering things, aren't you?'
'Even if I do, there's one thing I won't forget: You, Homura Akemi, are a demon!'

Madoka will lie if she feels it'll be better for the people she cares about. A filthy monster like me will lie when it suits me and what I want to do, whether or not I like it. Too easily, I lie. Sayaka's words sting, but unlike me, I have never known her to lie. And I have known her to keep promises. She said she would never forget what a monster I am. I wonder if that would still be true, even when Madoka stopped my plans. Would she be willing to forgive and forget when she was shown the consequences of being too trusting of me? Somehow, I doubt it. If she could, I'm sure she would try to kill me for what I did. And I would deserve it, I bitterly remind myself. Just as I deserved to suffer. I deserve to see her so close, to only have to close the distance or use my powers…but knowing I can't. I don't deserve to be her friend. What kind of friend so casually betrays everyone she held dear? Lies to them? Manipulates them? Hurts them? For "happiness"? The truth is that I didn't believe she could be happy…if I couldn't see it. I find myself wishing I still had my family. Still had my friends. Why would she be any different? Clearly, there was something I missed. More and more, I find I seem to have a special talent for that.

I do have a friend now, though. I cannot bring myself to lie to her. I do care for her. I followed a whim, and I let myself grow attached. Should have seen it coming. Of course, she doesn't remember that Madoka was her friend too, but I have told her enough her her to ask, "Surely, you must have some happy memories, if you treasure her so much?" And indeed, I do. Thinking about her without the memories being tainted by hindsight or my own terrible sins. I admit, it's nice, even if some of it is bittersweet.

'Finally. You called me by my first name. I'm so happy.'

'When you told me you lived alone, you seemed so lonely.'

'I promise I won't ever let your efforts be in vain.'

'You've been protecting me for a long time, and I'll never forget that. I know you're the reason that I'm the person I am today.'

It all began when she said my name was…cool. A whole life of being told "Homura Akemi" is such a weird name for such a weird, lonely, klutzy, nerdy girl…and she said it was cool. A beautiful, passionate flame, rather than a raging inferno waiting to destroy everything. I didn't believe how earnest she could be until she told me about the cat. Amy. A life so small, yet so precious to she who would become the Goddess of this world. A cat, so simple and so small, made me fall for Madoka. When I told Hitomi my friend had saved a cat, and that made an impression on me, she said it was so cute.

These thoughts and more flood my mind as I walk home. I'd have walked with Hitomi, but she said if she skipped her tea lessons again, her parents would be mad. I know her lady lessons sound boring, and indeed, I'd probably want any excuse to get out of them, but it still baffles me that she even considers skipping them for me.

"Oi! Akemi!"

I sigh. Can't a girl think in peace without being confronted by people who hate her? Still, I try to hide my annoyance. "Sakura."

Kyouko smirks that annoying smirk of hers. "So, I heard ya got a new friend!"

I frown. "I fail to see how that's your concern, Sakura."

"Well, I've never seen ya treat your friends too great, Akemi. I should know."

"And?" I tilt my head. We did have a sort of camaraderie in some timelines, I remember. It does make her cold behavior hurt, but it can't be helped, since I know she at least remembers what I did.

"Shizuki was Sayaka's friend."

"Oh, so this is about Miki? Here, I thought you were still bitter about me betraying you."

She stomps up to me. Way too close. Still, with her glare, even I can tell I hit a nerve. "We trusted you, you bitch. I trusted you."

"That was your mistake. What happened to, 'Live for no one but yourself', Sakura?"

"Shut up." A growl. "Sayaka's not around to protect Shizuki from you, so I gotta pick up the slack."

"I know this will be hard to believe, but I have no intention of harming her or anyone."

"Oh, that's a load of bull, and you know it! I don't think she can defend herself, unlike Mami!"

Ah yes. It's been forever since I've seen the other Magical Girl who I once called a friend. "How…is Mami? Is she fine?"

More glaring. I'm sure she'd be intimidating to someone who's just met her. I half expect her to use that lance on me. "She is, but no thanks to you."

"Nagisa Momoe had to return with Madoka, just like Sayaka did."

"I know that!" Now, she's shouting. "I know that."

"If you think I'm being callous—that I don't care—let me ask you something. What would I be able to do? Mami's been cold to me; that's why I've been avoiding her. And unlike with you, I don't think I could take her in a fight."

"Oh?" I see her summon her Soul Gem. "And you think you could take me, then? Please say yes."

"What would it change? If I won, you'd still be bitter, and we could add humiliation to the reasons you hate me. And if you beat me, what would you do?"

"What do you think I'd do? I'd do what Madoka couldn't."

"Oh, so you do want to kill me. Wouldn't Madoka be mad at you and Sayaka?"

I resist the urge to smirk a little as Kyouko clearly has to think of her response. I hear her sigh. "It'll be worth it."

"Oh? What if Madoka still gets your soul if it's broken? Or do you think God can't do that?"

More glaring. I look away as she responds. "You do know that most Magical Girls don't think that, right?"

"They don't? If it were so easy to keep people away from her, you know it'd be more common to do so." I shake my head.

"Sayaka'd be able to handle you, if you're right."

"Oh, and we're right back to Miki, are we?" I sigh, looking back at her. "Look, I'm not really in the mood for this or…well, destroying the world. I just wanna be left alone."

"I know you put her up to dumping her boyfriend." A sudden retort, but it got my attention. And I admit, it kind of makes me mad.

"That was actually her decision," I snap. "I'll admit that I encouraged her, but she was just so miserable, and the boy wasn't doing his job and making her feel loved. I just want her to be happy. I couldn't bear to see her so miserable."

"You're good at sounding like you mean it, and I know you're too damn stubborn for your own good." Kyouko does not look happy at this. "But if you do hurt Shizuki or Mami, I'm coming after you. I can handle Madoka hating me, if it means I can do that."

"I hope you do," I admit softly. "But you may be too late if I really hurt Hitomi that much. You won't believe me, but I really don't want to harm her. But she wants to be my friend. I suppose I don't have the heart to push such an earnest request away."

Kyouko is concerned about Hitomi defending herself from me? I hope it never comes to that, but I can see her point. Not that I'd ever tell Kyouko that. I've had to learn so much, and all of it amounted to very little. But if I teach someone else? I wonder if I'd like it. Not that I'd ever let Hitomi become a Magical Girl. She deserves so much better than that.