Summary: A year after "Certifiable Super Sitter," Poof is due to spend spring break with his grandfather, Big Daddy. He spends the bus ride there reflecting on his life.

Characters: Poof (Reflecting on his relationship with others, like Timmy, Chloe, Cosmo, Wanda, Big Daddy, and Foop)

Rating: K

Posted: September 22nd, 2023

47. Scarred (1 month after "Sentry")

Wednesday May 6th, 2005

Year of Sky, Spring of the Silent Owls

Mama Cosma used to babysit me and Timmy all the time when I was still in the instar stage of my development. My parents don't love stepping out of the house if it means leaving me and my godbrother alone at home, but they've stockpiled a massive amount of vacation days and it sort of reached the point where the Amity program forced them to sprinkle a few date nights into their schedule… if at all possible, of course. The godparent shortage was a real thing even back when I was still a newborn. Turnover rate in this career is bad… Granting wishes gets exhausting, especially if you're dealing with ungrateful kids all the time.

I don't think Timmy's ungrateful… He's just been a lot more stressed since his trial in Fairy Court where the truth about the frozen timestream finally came out. Like… I know I kind of had it bad, getting snapped from reality and catapulted into the Hocus Poconos and all, but I can't even imagine what it must have felt like to croak out a confession about an illegal secret wish before the entire Fairy Council. I can't imagine what was going through his mind.

None of us ever will. He's the only one whose memories went unscathed throughout those 50 accidental secret years. Well… He and Kenny Lovell, but Kenny spent years flipping patties up in Burger World before he got stuck on Earth. I remember seeing him around town before I really knew what was going on. Kenny used to suspect the truth, but not even that saved him. Sure, he resisted for a while, covering his ears and saying numbers over and over while tears ran down his face. It's not for no reason people started calling him Crocker Junior.

Even Kenny succumbed to the enthralling memory-tweaking magic of the Secret Wish sooner or later. I hope he's doing okay. I mean, I don't really know him or anything… but I get it. I know how messed up you feel when you're confused and scared and wondering if you're out of place.

We don't talk about the Secret Wish at home. Dad and Mama sometimes check on me in private, especially right after I came back from the Hocus Poconos. For a while, I thought they were just being paranoid. I mean, they seemed a lot more affected by the whole "me getting slashed from reality for a day" than I was. I felt okay.

Then I started having night terrors. I have no idea if Foop gets them even worse than I do or, like, maybe not at all. Or maybe to Anti-Fairies, nightmares are a beautiful thing.

Timmy was a wreck the first month home from the trial - the first month in 50 years that we all started aging normally on Earth again - and he'll still shut down if you bring it up. For a few weeks, he almost got sloppy with his wishes… with his secrets. We almost got found out by other humans as his godfamily. We had our share of close calls. We're just plain lucky that Jorgen lifted the restrictions on Crocker sniffing us out, because even Jorgen had to admit that Crocker was too resistant to forget-a-cin to ever truly forget about us.

Timmy's parents ramped up his therapy visits (with a helpful wand twitch from my parents to ensure they could still make ends meet when it came to paying bills). Timmy threw himself into his soccer practice, video games, endless scrolling through his cell phone, and a lot more travel wishes to far-off times and places. I never saw it as a cry for help, though. Timmy was just my big brother… and only now that I live alone, now that I look after Foop and Sammy and Finley in our dorm, do I see the signs.

Sparky provided a good distraction in the time that he needed it most. He's kind of like a therapy dog, even though he doesn't always stay in one place. And Timmy's on better terms with Chester and A.J. now, but…

… there was about a year, right after it all went down, where he couldn't bear to look at them without spiraling. I didn't really get it at the time, but now that I'm a little older with a little more schooling under my belt, I know the feeling. It's guilt. Guilt over the fact that he didn't want to grow up. Guilt for how he loves his fairy godparents just as much - if not more - than the adults who raised him. Guilt for the mental strain he put on an entire planet, holding them in a state of purgatory instead of allowing anyone around him to grow up. Guilt for Da Rules he broke to keep contact with his godfamily. Guilt for the way that he stood there, open-mouthed in the courtroom, when the Hocus Poconos slurped me out of existence and I was gone.

Guilt crushes you, I think?

Timmy doesn't let us come to his therapy appointments. And even when he's home, he gets closed-off and won't talk to me about it. I know he doesn't want to scare me… He just can't look me in the eye sometimes. I think it really hurts him to remember that he'll never get to see me grow up. No godkid can keep their fairies past age 18… No matter how many times they dance around Da Rules, flatter Jorgen, or even save all of Fairy World. You just don't get that privilege.

And I get that. I'm not saying I don't. I mean, it's way too dangerous for everyone's health and safety, magical creatures and mortals alike. I don't know if my parents are ever going to tell him how Juandissimo legally challenged Fairy Court and won the right to adopt Remy. They always sort of meant to bring it up when he was older, maybe 16 or so if they were still around him then and he stayed as stubbornly clingy as ever… but after we found out how far he'd go with the Secret Wish, I don't think Fairy Court looks very kindly down on him right now. Timmy kind of shot himself in the foot with that one.

I just wish there was something I could do… but my dad thought the same thing once. That's why he granted that Secret Wish in the first place. No way is that happening a second time.

I love my godbrother. Still, he can be a lot. No offense to Timmy, but sometimes I need a break for him just so I can play with my own toys instead of struggling to work my chunky baby fingers around his computer keyboard or video game controllers. Right? I'm just his godbrother. I mean, I'm not even officially licensed to grant wishes. Well. Outside that trial period with Mrs. Crocker that Jorgen asked me to run as a research study (as a favor I owed him for letting me tag along on Take Your Kid to Work Day since he and the Tooth Fairy don't have any kids and I've spent most of my life tailing my mom and dad on the job anyway).

Not being licensed means I'm allowed to shut myself inside my parents' tiny underwater castle if I need an emotional break. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a godparent 24 hours a day with a pager hanging on your hip.

At first I was excited to join the Buddy Program at my school and sign up so I can practice being a godparent with my own godkid assignment, but… then I have days when I wonder if I made the right choice. After all, I came home exhausted after my first day with Mrs. Crocker. And the fact that Foop and I are already confirmed partners in the Buddy Program is going to be a wild ride in itself. Will I ever get time to myself again? Or will my "buddies" need me around the clock?

Sometimes I think my parents need to set firmer boundaries of personal space. Part of that's my fault… I went through a phase for a while where I was begging for sleepovers every night. That's kind of why I'm looking forward to spending spring break with my granddad, actually. My existence blurs the lines between Timmy and the magical world. It's confusing. For us as much as for him.

Godkids must be exhausting. I heard Francis went through eleven or twelve godparents before one of them finally stuck with him for longer than a week. I'm pretty sure the guy's name is Rover. One of Miss Power's little brothers, I think… He came in for career day at school and brought Francis along with him, which absolutely boggled the guy's mind. Y'know, Francis isn't so bad… He even played croquet with me and Anti-Marigold on the playground.

Still, even if it sounds like a lot of work to be a godparent, I'm sure I'll end up following in my parents' footsteps. If the Buddy Program goes well, I'll probably go to the Fairy Academy so I can get a godkid of my own someday. I mean, I guess. I can't really imagine doing anything else with my life. I don't want a big career. Granddad Dusty really wants me to get involved with the "family business" or whatever, so I'll probably ask him what it's really like and try to tag along with him while I'm here for spring. My parents have always been my role models, though. I think godparenting might be kind of fun.

I try not to think about it too much… About how when I finally graduate with all my certifications at 220,000 years old, there's a pretty big chance that the human race might be entirely gone. I'll be assigned to some other planet. Some other species. The life my parents are living now isn't the same future that's in store for me.

Am I rambling? Sorry, sorry… It's been a long bus ride to the outskirts of Fairy World where my granddad lives. It'll be good for my parents to spend some time together without me hanging around. They deserve that mandatory date night the Amity program ordered them to take for the sake of not burning themselves out. It's nice of their work to do that… even if they're just trying to limit the amount of godparents who drop out and switch careers from sheer exhaustion.

Don't get me wrong- Timmy and Chloe are both on board with it! With the date nights, I mean. My parents NEVER leave him alone with Vicky, but if Timmy's family have plans together - like a night of charades or a trip to the movies - then that's usually when my parents try to get away. Those bonding moments with Timmy's parents don't come by often - especially once the effects of the frozen timestream began to strain their parental abilities past their limits - but, uh… Yeah, I guess. Whenever possible, my parents try to schedule their date nights for the 31st day of the month. After a painful spring and summer of trying to align their schedules, Timmy and Chloe finally came to an agreement: my parents would hang out with him on odd-numbered days of the month and Chloe on the evens. On the 31st, my parents get each other.

Sometimes I wish they would have given that day with my parents to me.

Like, I know that's totally selfish. I know, I know… You don't have to point it out, geez. I actually get future survivor's guilt real bad when I think about it, and sometimes it tears me up inside until my rattle starts bleeping off the hook with messages from Foop asking if I'm okay and if I can breathe. I mean… It's stupid to be jealous over my godsiblings spending time with my parents. Isn't it? Because unless someone like Dark Laser, Mr. Crocker, or maybe some crazy Anti-Fairy who wants to get my parents' counterparts overthrown, I'll still have my parents for another few hundred thousand years. That's basically forever. I should let Timmy and Chloe enjoy some quality time with them while they still can.

Is that morbid? It's not supposed to be.

I don't worry about Mr. Crocker anymore. He's right where he needs to be right now, and the Fairy Council are always supervising. He and Gary have twin house arrest monitors to prove it. Or… I guess they're school arrest monitors? Is that a thing? I'm not sure how that works. I just know the Council keep a close eye on them.

And seriously, I don't have to worry about any Anti-Fairy assassins. Foop's got my back. Getting thrown in an alternate dimension after our first playdate together, getting sucked into the Hocus Poconos, and watching me almost die at Vicky's hand inside Mr. Crocker's "crocker pot" was all kind of a wake-up call for him, I think. At least that's something. He's a little less "all-in" about the whole "want you dead" thing.

We won't ever be best friends, though. Since we're complete opposites and I tend to do a little better than him at school, I don't think he'll ever really like me. I represent a lot of the things he hates. But Foop see-saws between cockiness and paranoia, always keeping one ear out for any gossip that puts down him or his family. If any rival Anti-Fairy tries to take me out in an attempt to get to Foop, he'll always have my back in the end. I don't believe that junk you'll hear a lot of Fairies talk about, like how it's only natural for counterparts to want to kill each other or something. Foop's a good guy. So I don't worry about Anti-Fairy assassins.

Now, a pixie assassin, maybe… But I don't think I have any pixie enemies. I mean, one of my roommates is a pixie. Even H.P. kind of likes me. I think.

Dark Laser I don't think would ever want to hurt me. I've met him a few times over the years and honestly, I think he's a soft guy. He knows me and Timmy are godbrothers and if I had to, in a pinch, I think I could do a pretty convincing impression of Foop. Or even his plastic toy dog Flipsie. I'm good with voices. I've been playing around with a lot of them because I just don't know how to be comfortable with my own identity. Dark Laser likes cute things. You just have to win him over, and it's not that hard.

That really just leaves Crocker as the biggest threat to my life, especially since he teaches my Spellementary School class nowadays. It sounds insane when I say it, but, well… that's just a fairly normal part of my world now. It has its ups and downs. Foop's a terrible influence on Crocker and honestly, I get secondhand embarrassment over the fact that I'm related to him. We're cousins, technically. Well… Actually, if you want to get real technical, me and Foop (plus our Refracted counterpart, Poppy) are identical triplets… but that kind of blows my mind and leaves me lying awake in bed, staring at the shadows that my nightlight plays across the ceiling.

Like, it's wild how the choices I make as the host body of our counterpart trio could really mess up three whole lives if I'm not careful. Timmy can poof himself up a chocolate milkshake and play video games all Saturday if he wants to, and he's the only person he has to worry about. But when you're a cloudland fae and the three pieces of your soul exist in three separate bodies… I mean, it really makes you think.

I can sort of feel when Foop has eaten so many cockroaches that he's made himself sick, or when Poppy really pushed herself to run too far and she straight-up passes out. Sometimes they're both idiots who moan in pain for hours not doing anything about their problems, so I'm the one who needs to take gross syrup medicine for us. Or sometimes Foop gets really sucked into a project and he won't eat anything for days. Anti-Fairies don't have to eat to survive and I don't think it helps him if I eat something on my end (since we only share souls, not bodies), but sometimes I'll pop a strawberry in my mouth or something just to see if I can make his mind signals jolt with a realization that he's hungry. Or sometimes when we're in the dorm and I can tell he's upset, I'll write a nice note for him and hide it somewhere that Finley and Sammy won't see. I've seen him crumple them up and throw them away. I know he likes them, though. I can tell.

Naptime gets weird too, and night. There's something so wild about curling up beneath your blankets and feeling your mind link to someone else's as you breathe… no matter how far away they are. During a busy day when I'm going, going, going, I don't always pay attention to my counterparts' needs. But when it's quiet… I can feel their moods flicker against mine. Like we're pushing some kind of energy ball back and forth between us.

I assume Foop and Poppy can feel my emotions too. When I cry at night and my mental waves start getting short and choppy, I can sense Foop awkwardly shifting his attention away from me while Poppy tries to feed me a little of her own energy share to keep me going. And I don't mean to imply that Foop doesn't care… It's just, he shows his caring in a different way. Like when I'm exhausted, he'll swipe my backpack and trot away with it, crowing loudly to the hallway that he "stole" it from me… even though he and I both know that secretly, he's just trying to get me to class one step at a time, and doing his best to lift a burden from my shoulders. Foop does care. He just shows it in his own Anti-Fairy way. It's nice, I guess, to have an "identical cousin" who'll be there for you, souls intertwined, as long as you both shall live.

I guess humans don't have anything like that.

Is this what it's like to be a parent? I always feel like I'm Foop's older sibling anyway, trying to keep him out of trouble… but I definitely don't do my best. I'm not even sure I know what "my best" even is. I just know it's gotta be better than this. When we're at school, I just try to make sure he eats and doesn't blast his homework to smithereens when he's enraged. I guess that's good enough for now.

By the way, I'm not mad at Timmy for wishing time frozen for 50 years. I don't mean it to sound like I am. In fact, sometimes I worry that if he hadn't done it… you know, if he hadn't spent as long with my parents as he did… then maybe I wouldn't exist at all. It's kind of a weird thought and I don't like to think about it too much. I'm not mad. I don't hate him.

I just can't believe he did that. That's all.

Whew…

Okay.

I'm glad to get everything I've been stewing over off my chest. I'm not going to let it bother me now. You know why? Because I'm spending my whole spring break with my mama's family. I think we'll poof over to check in on Timmy and Chloe once or twice, but it really just depends on if Big Daddy's busy with work. I'll definitely drop in to see them for a few days before I go back to school. I'm still thinking it over, but I might give Foop a scry and see if he'd like to come with me so he can say hi to Chloe. But Big Daddy would wreck him if Foop put one toe on our property, so who knows…

(And no, I'm not allowed to call him "Big Granddaddy." I tried once when I was about 16 and I thought he was going to bite the head off my rattle and maybe take my fingers with it. Never again.)

Uh, honestly? I'm not even sure how much time Big Daddy will have for me while I'm here, but I haven't spent more than a day straight with the family since I was like, 32. I used to see him every year when I was really little, but looking back on it… I think he and the rest of the family started getting sus about the frozen timestream before the rest of us. Me keeping my exoskeleton for as long as I did was probably a bit of a tip-off. My aging is all messed up because I was only aging on my visits to Fairy World, not at all on Earth, and I think at some point the family caught on to that… even though there's a certain magic veil that kept them from truly understanding everything until it came to light in Fairy Court.

I don't think of Timmy as malicious. I'm not saying that he maybe swayed my parents out of dropping me off at my granddad's place for long stretches of time again as the years passed. I just… think he was really stressed out and trying to stay underneath the radar. He's my godbrother. He's not a bad person.

Big Daddy lives in a fancy manor on a hill. I'll get to see some of my second cousins while I'm here, but they're only staying for like, one week at most. I'll be here three whole weeks. I'm excited. Now that I'm out of instar and I have my real, actual juvenile body with better wings and fingers, Big Daddy promised that he'd teach me a few tricks about the family business. My family works in garbage and stinky magic removal. My great-uncle Donatello runs a concrete business and Big Daddy even promised that he'd take me fishing next time he goes out with the boys. I'm not sure exactly what his plans are for the rest of spring and summer, but I'm plenty glad to be on break from school and away from Chloe for a season.

Okay, lemme rephrase that. Don't get me wrong- I love Chloe! She's super fun and smart and yada yada all that, but… I mean, my godsister can be a little… Well. Uh.

She doesn't really get my boundaries in the same way that Timmy does. I've lived with Timmy for about 45 years, and like 43, 44 of those were when I was pre-verbal. Once I started getting old enough to float around on my own and express myself a little, he started picking up when I needed my own personal space. I don't always know how to ask for something like that, but Timmy never made it weird. We just get each other that way. Chloe's cool. I just… I mean… I don't always want to be hugged.

Hhh…

Should I even go to Granddad Dusty's place for spring? I dunno. I keep thinking about it. Like, what if I just… got off the bus somewhere else? What if I did that?

I just get anxious. Timmy's been real careful not to out himself and lose contact with me and my parents for over 50 years, but anything could happen. It would only take one mistake to end it. He's in middle school now. He meets all sorts of teachers there, and while none are probably as crazy as Crocker, who knows what they could be hiding? Or if he'll meet other godkids who sniff him out as a rival or something?

I guess he'll be okay. I've been in the Spellementary dorms for a year and a half now. I'll see him and my parents again in three weeks.

Foop told me once (with a big condescending sniff) that he thinks looking after a godkid must be kind of like having a pet. And not an immortal pet like Sparky. Human lives are just a blink in the years of our immortality. We keep getting older and one day, we'll have to say good-bye. And then good-bye to the next and the next and the next.

Even if Foop sneers at humans like they're "pets," that doesn't mean it's not going to hurt one day. I mean… I'll lose my parents one day too- if not to fairy hunters or Jorgen's overbearing expectations, then to magic loss when they're over a million years old. And Timmy's just as much a part of my family as they are. I've known him all my life. I can't imagine trying to love my parents' next godkid as much as I love him.

I don't even think I really love Chloe, even though when I was younger, I always thought I wanted a godsister. I like her okay. She's nice, but it's…

It's not the same. I guess that's not very brotherly of me, though.

I lean back in my squishy bus seat, folding my arms over my chest and tracing shapes around the ceiling stains with my eyes. Most of them look like singe marks from wayward wands. The bus feels rickety underneath me, so I honestly wouldn't be surprised if my parents rode this same one when they were younger, or if my dad's actually responsible for some of those marks getting zapped there in the first place. I know my parents didn't meet until high school, but… sometimes I like to try imagining what life was like when they were my age. As high school students, did they ever ride the bus together? Did my mama sit in the front like me, giggling with her sister and her friends while my dad maybe got picked on near the back?

I can't even imagine Spellementary-aged Anti-Cosmo flinging chewed-up wads of gum at the back of my dad's head the way Foop does that to me. That thought makes my smile quirk up at one side. I hope when we're older, Foop and I will still be friends. I like to think I'll get through to him one day. Even though he's my opposite, we do each carry a third of the same soul.

Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz.

That's my rattle. I keep it in the mesh water bottle pocket of my backpack starts to buzz. I jolt, not comprehending what's going on for a few seconds, then read the name floating in the air above it. The name's spelled out in a dark blue cloud of magic, complete with tiny black bat wings. It's Foop.

I take the rattle in my hands and unscrew the top. My parents always tell me I can't have a personal scry bowl or crystal ball until I'm at least 50,000, but they did say it was okay to register for spark messages as long as I'm capped at no more than ten notes a day and I always ask before I add any new contacts. Sometimes it makes me feel like a baby around all my friends, but it's okay, really… I know they're just trying to keep me safe. Especially from someone who might want to hurt or take advantage of me, like Jorgen, Anti-Cosmo, or the Head Pixies. I've literally been kidnapped before, plus almost murdered several times and ripped out of existence at least once (that I remember). I understand. And I'll get to be 50,000 someday. The aging process can take its sweet time.

I know exactly where Timmy's coming from. Sometimes I wish that I could stay a kid forever too.

With my rattle uncapped, I shake a tiny scroll from its interior into my hand. Yeah, this note definitely came from Foop. It's handwritten in spiky, scrawling black text. I heard once that pixies make their ink out of coffee, and this definitely isn't that. This is the real deal. I can tell from the smell of it that Foop even used his dad's expensive kraken ink stuff; Anti-Cosmo keeps it in his office. Oh, he's gonna get in trouble. The paper is tiny, especially in my baby-fat hands, and the writing long. I read it three times in silence, leaning my head against the bus window.

Hit me up before you poof down to Dimmsdale on Week 4 of break, loser. I'll take any excuse to get out of spring break with my nana. I intend to utterly torment that infuriating godsister of yours by dunking her in a vampire den lit only by hazy streetlights, accented by the moans of a thousand bloodcurdling zombie demon ghosts. Then I'm headed to Peachville to see Kevin and his new step-sister, so lmk if you want to come. I'm good with stopping for snacks, but FYI- your buying.

He used the wrong "you're" there at the end. Maybe on purpose? To bait me? I never know what's going through his head. I sigh through my nose, trying to feel out any of Foop's emotions from where I sit in the smelly, rattling old bus. I guess I'm not the only one who's going to miss my human friends when they lose their memories someday. I just…

I can't believe I only have a few years left with them. And I'm expected to spend most of that remaining time in boarding school. Am I, like… okay with that? Will I ever like my parents' future godkids as much as I like Timmy? Or are these the best years of my life, and I don't even know it?

I'm taking my godbrother for granted. You could make a well-funded research assistant out of me and I still wouldn't know how to fix that.

Foop didn't leave me much room to write a reply on the back of his note, and no way am I initiating a brand new message when I only get ten a day. I uncap a pen from my bag and press the scroll against the chilly window so I can bear against it: Actually, my granddad works a lot of late nights. I don't think he'll freak if I want to fly around. You wanna ditch and hit Dimmsdale a couple weeks early?

Foop's reply is almost instantaneous: Since when can you read minds?