Declaration

Sev woke up at ten past seven in the morning. He spent five minutes daydreaming about what would happen two hours later, waiting for Poppy to show up with her little tray.

She did it at a quarter past seven. "Good morning, Severus. How did you sleep?"

"Like a prince."

She put the tray on the bedside table.

"Don't put the pillows for me, I'm going to get up now," he said.

"Sure."

He sat up on the bed. He drank Poppy's potions and calculated the Stimulant dosage. Dumbledore is going to appoint me in the afternoon, after lunch. It's quarter past seven. Until a quarter past one, six hours, and another five for the Time Turner, eleven. He served and took the dose.

"I'm going to unslint you right here," she told him.

Ugh… how bad I smell.Two days without showering and after yesterday afternoon, he thought.

She removed the bandage, unwrapped it, and examined him. "You still have it somewhat inflamed, today you shouldn't use the wand excessively."

Precisely today. "Well, I think I'm going to have to, Poppy."

"How sacrificial you are. It will hurt you."

She is overwhelmed, poor woman. Someone else I've worried.

"I left your clean clothes in the bathroom," the mediwitch said.

"Poppy, can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course dear."

"It takes me a long time to dry my hair with my wand. At home I have a Muggle towel that I brought, but at school there aren't any. Can you lend me a pillowcase or something?" Sev asked.

"Sure, I'll bring it to you."

She's almost about to cry.

Sev showered quickly. Drying his hair with the pillowcase already hurt his arm. Only with this and even though I just took the painkiller potion.I'm going to have a terrible time, and I'm not going to be able to demonstrate the level that I have. He dried himself with his wand, when he finished it was almost eight.

He got dressed, it hurt too. Ugh... If it hurts me just from this, I'll hallucinate with the spells.

He started to leave the Infirmary. Poppy was waiting for him at the door. "Take it," she said, handing him an envelope with no addressee. "I just received the letter from my colleague, he has attached a message for you. I don't know what it tells you because I haven't had time to read mine."

"Thank you, Poppy."

"Stop by when you can so I re-examine you and give you another dose of painkiller potion if you need it."

I'm not telling her that it's already hurting because she's going to spend the whole day suffering, and even more so when she finds out about the one I'm going to mess with.

They parted with a kiss and a hug. With his wand in his right hand, this time, the letter and pen in his robe pocket, and his Muggle notebook in his left, he quickly headed for the dungeons. I'm almost late.

He got home at eight fifteen sharp. Lauren was waiting for him in the same chair where he found Ariel at Christmas. There was no one else in the Common Room.

He didn't think it. He went to her, who stood up when he approached, without saying anything. He hugged her and kissed her. An intense kiss of wet lips, while he projected to her, "Imagine what I did yesterday for the first time thinking of you, with my left hand."

"Do not tease me…"

"Gasoline, Lauren, you have to resist. How are you?"

"In heaven…" she replied. "Go up to the bedroom, don't let them catch us."

"No problem, they will still take time to get up."

She broke up. They hugged each other looking into each other's eyes.

"But I want you to take time to read this.The letter I promised you." She was handing him an envelope.

"It's okay my love. Also, I have to put on my uniform." He took it.

"Warrior…"

Merlin… how we want each other, I've gotten horny just from this, he thought. What will it be like when we get to the end?

He forced himself to break away from her, turn, and go up to his bedroom. None of his dormmates had gotten up yet. He took the opportunity to take out the clothes he was going to wear and the warded lists of what he had to talk to Dumbledore about from his trunk, and he locked himself in the bed warding the canopy.

He opened Lauren's envelope, with no return address or addressee, just like the first one. The letter said:

Severus, my love:

I will never forget the night of the first of September of the year '71. All of us first-years were waiting for the Sorting. I saw you with Lily, she was very excited, and you were a bit worried. I thought you'd met on the Express and get along right away, but I soon realized there must be something more, for you didn't talk to any other kids and you looked at her with deep adoration as she talked to you, holding hands.

I did not lose detail of your reactions during the Sorting. She murmured something in your ear when Black was sent to Gryffindor, which no one expected because of his ancestry, and when I later found out her Muggle last name and she also went to that House, I realized your deep sadness, which made me suspecting that you didn't expect to go to Gryff and how upset she felt sitting next to Black, from which I deduced that something had happened on the Express between the three of you.

It took a long time until it was my turn. I was hoping they'd call you first, so I'd know which House you were going to and fight the Hat like I figured out Black had done. Meanwhile, I watched you turn to look at her all the time, she also did it from time to time, both of you sad.

Since my turn was before yours, I let it send me to Slytherin, as I already expected. Hopefully your sadness was due to the fact that you expected to be snake, enemy House. Shortly after it was your turn, I found out your last name, Muggle too, and for a few seconds, while you climbed on the stool, I lost hope.

But as soon as Minerva put the Hat on you and it sent you to my own House, I deduced that you were a half-blood and I felt it being born again. My palms hurt from clapping. And since I had been the last to sit down, there was room by my side and you did it next to me. I was overwhelmed with joy, but it soon passed when I realized your deep sadness. I tried to talk to you, but you weren't talking to anyone and I left you alone. I knew that we were going to see each other every day at all hours, and I would have the opportunity to become your friend.

I tried to sit with you in all the subjects I could that first year, but I didn't always succeed, you arrived first in class to take a seat in the front row. I immediately realized how interested you were in your studies and how brilliant you were, and that inspired me to do the same, one thing in common.

But you still didn't pay attention to me in the Great Hall, where you only related to the boys of our year, or during classes, in which you concentrated intensely, always writing down your second-hand books, from which I deduced that you were not only half-blood, but very humble class.

In Potions Slughorn let you both sit together, and I saw right away how you enjoyed being with her, it was the only time of the week that I saw you cheerful. Also when I went to the Library, since you rarely spent time in the Common Room at home, I always saw you together on the back bench, enjoying studying.

And on weekends, sometimes I would follow you in the morning and see you walking through the meadow, often holding hands, or sitting under the beech tree, and how she would hug you and give you kisses. She was always the one who started, and I understood from the way you behaved that you were deeply in love with her without her realizing it, just as I was with you without you realizing it.

So I resigned myself, I saw you so happy when you were together despite being from enemy Houses and the fact that you had opted for the malefics, that I thought that over time you would become a couple, and I would have no chance with you. But I didn't care, because I knew that you would be happy like that.

I concentrated on my studies inspired by you, and I associated with the other girls of my social class to distract myself, not to think, and to try to forget you. But it was so difficult… soon you started to stand out so much. The most promising wizard in the House. I admired you deeply, so intelligent and dedicated to work, I knew from first year, like Malfoy, that your fate was going to be decisive, and at that time I was glad that you were on my side, but I was also worried about what could happen between Lily and you. By then I had already found out that she was Muggleborn, and besides, the Gryffs were starting to harass you for hanging out with her.

Every time I found out that you had been attacked, I would stay up all night, and I didn't know what to do and couldn't trust anyone. How to confess to the other pureblood girls that I was hopelessly in love with a low-class half-blood? I didn't even dare to tell my parents, although I had a lot of confidence in them, because at that time they still hadn't revealed their secret to me and I was afraid they would censor me.

That's how I spent my time until third year. Everything was the same, I couldn't get you out of my head, so before I was even fourteen I started hanging out with older guys like you know. I conquered anyone who I set myself, and that, in a way, made me feel valuable, but none met my expectations, so I quickly abandoned them for another.

At Christmas in my fourth year, when I was two months away from turning fifteen, my parents finally explained their convictions to me. I lied to you when I told you that it was a shock for me, because I finally felt free to love you even if it was in silence and I was able to confess to them what I felt for you.

But at the same time, you were already so involved with the bad guys, that I was very afraid for you, your only salvation was Lily and I was looking out for you both again. I thought that you had finally become a couple, because you were together all the time, you even walked hand in hand around the castle in full view of everyone, and I supposed that it would be a matter of a short time before you separated from the malefics.

But you didn't, and soon after they started blackmailing you into parting with her, I knew because by then I was already reading them. But you held your ground for a while, I kept seeing you together despite the odds against you, and I thought you would hold on. I calmed down and that's when I decided to try it with Jack.

You already know that everything went well between us, it was external circumstances that made us separate. At least, at last, I had managed to fall in love with someone other than you. The rest of the story you already know. And until here the past.

When I finally got in touch with you, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. That January night, in your corner, looking deep into our eyes, letting you penetrate my mind to help you jump the abyss that opened before you.

And since then you have filled me up completely, first with your gratitude, your attention and your friendship. Later, in the fir tree, declaring that you also loved me even though you were not free to be with me, and then reciprocating with your help in studies and in Duel. Those Fridays have been so fantastic. We are so similar, soul mates, we understand each other perfectly.

That would have been enough for me, being your friend forever, you fill me up so much... But when you returned at Easter, totally transformed, offering me the love that I had felt for you for so many years, and not only that, but also the unconditional acceptance of Lily, finally a true friend, the sister I never had. I have never been able to trust a girl like I am trusting her.

You both fill me up, you are exceptional, and I hope that one day we can all be together. You have completely transformed me, I finally feel free to feel and express what I feel. I love you, I love you both, you are my family, the reason for my future life, and I will do anything in my power to protect you, even give my life, as I read in you that you are willing to do in order to defeat Voldemort before to pass you the letter that you had to burn.

Keep this one forever and read it when you get weak or we can't be together. If you are capable of awakening these feelings, it is because you are exceptional, one in a million, destined to change lives, illuminate paths. Don't risk losing it too soon, because you can do much, much good to the world, as you are already doing for all of us, especially me.

I know that if everything goes as planned, we will lose contact maybe for a few days. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, I know how to take care of myself. Worry about yourself, about Lily, about all the people who already love you, and enjoy your peak moment. Support Jack if he gets sad, now he can only trust you. Celebrate it in style. I will not be present, but I will be in your hearts. Very soon we will meet again.

Yours forever

Lauren

Buaaah… and not being able to answer her, Sev thought. It's great that my first reaction when I saw her was to kiss her, at least I've given her back something of what she's giving me. I'm going to change quickly and go back down to the Common Room, I'm sure she's still there, and at least we'll project to each other.

He heard his dormmates start to get up. He changed inside the canopy. Ugh… my arm hurts.I have to forget about the pain, not think about it. He warded Lauren's letter and kept it along with the mediwizard's and the lists for Dumbledore in a pocket of his coat. He pulled his robes over it and got out of bed to put on his boots. Let them suspect what they want, there's half an hour left.

"What happened to you, Snape?" asked Avery, who was beginning to dress next to his bed, the one closest to Sev's.

The rumor hasn't spread, the Gryffs have kept their mouths shut.What a miracle. "Nothing. An indigestion," he answered. The one you are going to have this breakfast.

He went down to the Common Room to kill time. He sat in his corner but facing the window. Lauren was still there, he projected to her, "I love you precious.Today is our day."

"Half an hour more."

"As soon as I can I will answer your letter and I will leave it to you in endemism. I'm sorry I can't do it right now, I will never be able to reciprocate you as you deserve."

"Don't worry about that, you already do it more than enough," she said. "I would never have dreamed of having you as I have you. For that alone, my life has been worthwhile."

"How little you settle for."

"Not so at all. Anything that comes from you is a million times more valid and exciting than the same thing from anyone else, because of the depth and intensity of your feelings. You put your whole soul into everything you do, whether it's throwing a curse or giving a kiss with just your lips. I swear I felt it as the first one I received, the true first. I would erase all my past with a stroke of the quill for it indeed would have been like that."

We are both crying already. What to say to that? Sev wondered. "You are like that too, Lauren, intense and deep, and I feel a dagger in my chest for all the lost years. Why did you never confess to me what you felt? I am sure that if I had known your true face, I would have fallen in love with you too."

"Now I know… But before I was still very immature, I saw you with Lily and I didn't imagine that you could deeply love two people at the same time. I doubt many are capable of doing it like you do."

"You are also capable, Lauren."

"Not like you."

She loves me much more than Jack, and I doubt he'll be able to share her. "Wait for me, Lauren, a few more months, and I'll be with you. Do not rush."

She does not answer me, I am asking her for too many sacrifices, he thought. She's looking forward to getting in touch with him so she won't be alone. How difficult… I'm going to change the subject. "Did Lily tell you about Dumbledore?"

"She did."

"I didn't tell her everything. He cried before me."

"Wow…"

"He told me that I was worth my weight in gold, much more than him," Sev continued.

"And without knowing half of the things yet."

"Well, he knows about the missing books. He's afraid I'll die because he thinks I'm the only one who knows where they are."

"Maybe he'll make you make a will," Lauren said.

"I already thought about it."

"Jack knows the demand, doesn't he?"

"He does," Sev replied.

"Then bequeath to him, he would be your logical successor. I would take care of instructing him, if I am capable of surviving your death, which I don't think so. You still have time to back out, I'll project Jack and make him abort."

Ugh... she's really scared for me. "No, Lauren. Let's go for all."

"You rule, Commander."

. . . . . . . . .

Perhaps in the coming days or weeks I will slow down the pace of publication that I have maintained until now. You know, real life demands me.