DRAGON BALL ALL-TIME

by nykomajin

An all-time tale! During the Dragon Ball manga's initial serialization, the story was mostly improvised from each chapter to the next. This story will be written in the same way, to capture an energy truly authentic to Dragon Ball! A typically episodic, fun, improvised story simultaneously written by *two* people, touring the colorful world of Dragon Ball with characters new & old!

2. EPISODE 2

Welcome to DRAGON BALL ALL-TIME! An improvised story, written by two different writers! Please enjoy, if you follow along!

[EPISODE TWO - BEGIN]

[WRITER 1]
On today's episode of DRAGON BALL ALL-TIME, the enthusiastic-yet-reflective Ningen's make-or-break journey towards 1,000 total battles continues, hoping to find the answer to true strength, instinct and enlightenment within that number or else he'd quit as a warrior altogether. Last time, the young man lost both his 100th and 101st battles in laughably pathetic fashion, but in doing so, he gained a friend named Stracciatella who seemed to reinvigorate his spirit and practically begin his journey anew - and, she just so happened to be an Elite class Majin Time Patroller.

"Ooh, a piece of candy!"

So, he was back at it again. Still in Conton City since it had a wide variety of combatants from scrawny to magnificent, Ningen developed a new strategy to lure in interesting warriors to learn from. A strategy that might have incidentally involved him dragging in his new Majin friend...

"Ohh, another piece of candy!"

Speaking of Majins, Ningen roamed their home. In the expanded portion of Conton City, the main species resisting there had their own districts. Ningen walked the sticky, candy-filled road of the Majin district, picking up small lollipops along the way. With bulbous pink fellows literally eating the sugar road at both his left and right, Ningen eventually stopped at a peculiar house.

"Yo, it's me, Ningen! Open up, Stracci!" He knocks at the door. "At least, I think this is your place! I asked around the city to see if they knew where a "cheese-lookin' gal" lived, and they pointed me here!" In fairness, she did look like cheese.

"Mmm, cheese." The Majins eating the road swiften their act upon hearing the word. "Hey, that's not cheese, it's candy!" Ningen's IQ shines brightly with his unique observation.

[WRITER 2]
"Hm?" A purple eye would stare at him through the door's peep hole.

"Oh, hiya Ningen!" A few seconds later, the eye would slither its way through the hole, followed by the rest of Stracciatella. "Whatcha doin'?"

[WRITER 1]
"Ohh!" The Earthling man watches Stracciatella's entrance in slight awe. "I tried to do that one time, y'know!" Conveniently, the light of the sun shines upon a keyhole shaped scar in his eye. "I'm not as stretchy as you, though..."

"Eheh, anyway!..." Suddenly, he stops. The man's face grew.. tightened? He almost started to seem nervous, despite the comically cheery surroundings of the Majin neighborhood.

"OI!" In his silence, a fat, Majin fellow spotted the peculiar man among the squishy neighborhood. "Is that a human?! He's gonna steal our candy!"

"O-oh, wait, no, I'm not! Look!" In response, the razzled Ningen flings spaghetti from his pockets. Seems like he still has some leftovers from last time. "Ohh, never mind, he's cool!" Several in the area jump up to grab the pasta with their teeth.

Ningen almost began to smile... They liked his cooking! But, then he remembers why he was here. "Oh, I just, uhh... Wanted to check up on ya'! It's definitely not because I would extort you without your permission!" The sun above almost raises an eyebrow. "...Uhh..." Ningen whistles.

[WRITER 2]
"Mmh... Spaghetti..." Straccia managed to snag a bit of pasta for herself, chewing loudly.

"Hm?" She also raises an eyebrow. If she had one.

"What's all this extortion talk?"

[WRITER 1]
"H-huh? Nothin'! I don't even think I know what means!" That might have been true. "R-really, I just wanted to catch up with ya' since you're one of my first real pals!' Despite the odd demeanor, that actually also sounded like it came from the heart. The man breathes in and out to calm himself, but he only ends up coughing due to the donut powder in the air.

"Ack... Interestin' place, eh...? How's it like livin' around folks just like you?" Given what Ningen told Straccia last time, it's no wonder he'd be curious. "And your house looks funny..." It did. The home was shaped like a dog. And so was... Every other home in the neighborhood. The same shape. "That's a real funny lookin' alligator!" Almost. Sort of...

[WRITER 2]
"Really? Well, why didn't you say so! Come on in!" Straccia waves, smiling gleefully as she opens the circular door for her friend.

"Well, most of our culture derives from Earthling culture, so we do things like playing tag, hide and seek, or bakery sales. On a much bigger scale though." She explains. "I even won a trophy last year, but I don't remember if it was for baking pies or eating pies."

[WRITER 1]
What Stracciatella said about Majin Culture deriving from Earthling culture was true. It's best not to discuss the 'Majin Buu finds a certain magazine' incident, though... "Ehh? What was that about a magazine?" Oh no, he has to stay innocent!

"Well, whatever... If other Earthlings are like me, then all Majin folk should have razor sharp mohawks like mine, too!" Some do, some don't. However, the man soon sighs. "Y'know, it's real tough to try and get anybody to tussle with in this place... I came here because I thought everyone was a fighter, but they've all got other stuff goin' on! There's this one place called the 'PvP Lounge' which seemed like what I was lookin' for, but I just got called a bunch of weird words that either ended or started with r before I could fight anybody. What's up with that?"

[WRITER 2]
"Uhm... I don't really know about that, but I don't think it's a good place to find honorable fighters if they were calling you names..." Straccia scratches her head, just as confused.

"Us Majins aren't generally too into fighting. We like to relax, or eat, or play, or eat! Martial arts got a bit more popular a few years ago, but I'm not sure if that'll help you too much."

[WRITER 1]
"Ehehe, I see... I just thought you might know somethin' about this town, since folks thought you were important." He crosses his arms, looking conflicted. "Is it really just because everybody's up to 'Time Patrols'... Or do they just know I'm too weak and not worth the time?" The man stays in silence briefly, but it felt extended. "Ehh, no, that's what I'm on my journey to disprove! It's not just about the strength, there's... Gotta be more!"

"And, I came up with a scheme to get to the bottom of it!" Ningen says, holding a finger up in exclamation. "Nearby that 'PvP Lounge' place, all the other folks would go to a booth for 'missions'. I figured anybody and everybody around that place has to be lookin' for a fight, so I set up an awesome showcase there to advertise my battlin' skills!" In actuality, it just looked like a dingy lemonade stand. "Of course, I was attractin' warriors far and wide, and... Uh..."

"..."

"I mean, I will eventually, but I have only got one customer so far... We tussled, and, well..."

Ningen Battle Count: 102/1000

W: 00

L: 101 - 102

"...But, uh, I was there to learn! So, I asked the guy to review my performance after the fight! He ended up writing me a list of pros and cons!" Ningen smiles, pulling out a long piece of paper from his pocket. "He had two pros: he said I had fighting spirit, and that some of the jokes I made in the fight were 'mildly funny'! But, uh, for the cons..."

"..."

Ningen was still pulling the paper out of his pocket. It was that long. "What was I talkin' about?" He starts to stuff the paper away instead.

[WRITER 2]
"Oh uhm- W-well, it's a start, you know? You have some pros, you work out the cons...! And... Hm... Maybe I could take you on a mission!" Her face lights up after getting the idea.

"You'll definitely find some tough cookies to tussle and brawl in there!"

[WRITER 1]
"Ehh, you think? I dunno... All I've heard about 'Time Patrol Missions' is that folks do the same thing over and over again to try and get a funny pair of socks. I don't even wear socks!" It's true. "But, hmm, maybe sometime, if you think it'd be good..."

"...I-If you still wanna be friends after I say what I'm gonna say..." The man mumbles under his breath, gulping, gaining a sweat again. "I-I did get a second guy, actually... But, uh... He was kind of a jerk... He really laid it on thick that 'people of the proud Saiyan race' don't fight 'weaklings'..." Ningen says those last words with a somewhat clenched fist. "But, I saw I had him almost hooked... S-so..."

"I-I said that if he could beat me, then I'd let him fight someone really tough! An Elite Time Patroller, since those seem important!"

"..."

Ningen Battle Count: 103/1000

W: 00

L: 102 - 103

"N-now him and his friends keep picking on me, thinking I was a liar!... I-I didn't want to drag you into this, but..." He scrambles. "Shoot, I-I just thought I'd win! He said that 'as a Saiyan', he had '15 different hair colors'! I didn't think it meant anything, but, oh, man!..."

[WRITER 2]
"Whoa-oh! You challenged a Saiyan? You, a puny, little, scrawny- u-uhm- good intentioned, determined, passionate, h-human?" Straccia coughs, noticing the harsh tone on her own voice.

"S-so, you want me to fight that guy, huh?" She sighs.

[WRITER 1]
Ningen slumps. He looks down, frowning morosely. "...Y-yeah..." He shakes his head. "I-I really didn't want to... You're the first person who's really wanted to talk to me in a while, yet, I already lied and used your name without askin'... I just... I just really thought I'd..."

Ningen's eye twitches. His brows furrow, the sound of Straccia's sigh lingering in his ears. "N-no, it really ain't right! I'll... I'll just go beat him myself, you shouldn't have to! Even if he's got 15 hairstyles, it don't mean jack, since I've got 'fighting spirit', like that other guy said! I'll just last longer than him and not give up! Or, I'll say somethin' 'mildly funny' so he'll laugh and run out breath, too tired to fight!"

He clenches himself.

"I'm real sorry, Straccia! I hope you'll still wanna talk to me after I said that!"

Then, he bursts out of the dog house, running off and past the half-eaten candy road, looking regretful and determined... And limping since he'd already gotten his butt kicked.

[WRITER 2]
"Hey, it's okay... Hey! Wait! You're going to get folded like the piece of clothing, as they say!" Straccia groans, although she was mildly upset, she knew Ningen didn't actually mean to incovenience her, and thus, she ran after him before he got kicked everywhere. Including his butt.

[WRITER 1]
"Kinto'un!" It didn't matter. Ningen was determined to get folded. "When I come back, it'll be with a trophy like yours! Except for kickin' pie!"

Just as he called for, Ningen's Flying Nimbus comes whirling from the sky. The average man hops on top of it and sets off towards the outskirts of the city, where he took Straccia last time.

"Did someone say pie?" One of the Majins eating the road looks up.

[WRITER 2]
Straccia sits down on the floor, panting. "Yeah, but no one likes kicked pie..."

"And I don't think he'll like getting his pie kicked...!" She stands up again, and starts jogging her way over the outskirts of Conton.

[WRITER 1]
Sadly, even though they were both yellow and looked like cheese, Ningen's Flying Nimbus was faster than Straccia's jogging. So, by the time she found the man himself, well...

"A-agh! Not cool!"

Ningen Battle Count: 104/1000

W: 00

L: 103 - 104

Ningen skirted against the dirt of Conton City's outskirts, phasing through his own nimbus and dinging his head against a tree with a yelp. What followed soon after that was group laughter, but not sadistic group laughter, more like... "Ooohohoho!" Posh group laughter?

"You know, what's 'not cool' is you bringing your ugly self into the presence of a beauteous Saiyan such as myself, instead of whatever sham you tried saying you'd have! It's such a pity, when you told us to meet you, I almost thought you'd bring the truth this time..." A man and some followers approach the fidgeting Ningen. "...But it appeared to be but a bit of foolery! Men, laugh at this poor wet rat!"

"Ohohoho!"

The group behind the man chortled upon command. Speaking of the man and his men, despite being described as Saiyans, their manner of speech and appearance was quite the opposite, for the most part. The head of the group and main chatter had quite defined cheekbones, lipstick and fur-lined armor on, along with flashy sunglasses. His hair was flat, while his followers had spikier heads, like more traditional Saiyans. "Hmm...? What's this, now...? Who dares bring their ugliness in the face of Tomato, the most beautiful Saiyan...?"

Sniffing around, the leader named "Tomato" and his group peer their heads about before landing their eyes upon Stracciatella. Immediately, Tomato breaks out into a giggle, his followers soon chipping in as well. "Oh, my, would you look at that! How generic! A silly looking girl Majin! Couldn't you come up with something more unique? Get a personality, all Majins are like you!" Tomato comments, snickering. "See, I'm unique because I look slightly different from all the other fools you'll see in that city! Yes, I'm a Saiyan, the most populated among the town, but I dress fairer! That means I'm better than the rest!" Tomato says. "You can either get like my men and take my declarations as fact, or you can get going!-"

"A-ack, dude, shut up...!" Ningen groggily stands up, holding his stomach and coughing. "N-nobody cares how you look, you sound like farts!" Tomato gasps and scoffs in response, Ningen catching his breath. "Y-you don't have to be here...! I told ya', I'd handle this myself!-"

"Men, laugh at that wet rat again!"

"Ohohoho!"

Ningen tries to talk to Straccia, but he gets cut off. "You won't be handling anything, ugly. I'm done here."

[WRITER 2]
"Leave the wet rat alone, you walking and talking perfume ad! Get it? Because you're weird and pretentious?" Straccia retorts, standing in front of Ningen to shield him.

[WRITER 1]
"Yeah, well, your friend could use some perfume, he stinks of spaghetti!" It's true. "W-well, isn't a guy who smells like spaghetti unique?-"

"No, it's not! You're not allowed a thought!"

"Y-yes, sir!" One of Tomato's followers tried to chip in, but they were soon corrected by the self proclaimed beautiful Saiyan. "My, my, I swear... Didn't you understand when I first took you in? If you think like me, you'll get like me! That spiky haircut with the bang you all have? Hideous! Every other fellow of our race has got it, sorry! You're shaving it off once we get done here, because I said so!" All of his men nod in unison, gulping-

"Extend!"

However, between the conversation, Ningen decided to use his Power Pole and leap out like a frog from behind Straccia, using it to jump up and then attempt to bonk Tomato on the back of the head. "Hm!" However, Tomato caught it without looking, slinging Ningen and his stick to the side, glaring at him from under his shades. "Calling out your attacks like you're some kind of action hero, moron? It's one thing that you're putridly weak, but you can't even be smart!" The Saiyan scoffs. "You're not even worth toying with anymore. You never had that 'Elite' to fight, either. Mercy, I almost thought that if I beat an Elite, everyone would have to accept my opinion! You can be stinky with your unoriginal friend here, while-"

"S-s-shut up, I said!" Ningen stands up again, wincing while using his pole as leverage. "T-this ain't about me wantin' a fight anymore, or wanting you to stop messin' with me! You ain't gonna talk smack to my friend, and you ain't talkin' smack to those guys who clearly don't like ya', either! Everyone can have hair!"

"Hmph. Assumptions!" Tomato scoffs, his men stiffening.

Ningen breathes heavily, stepping slowly towards the Saiyan. "P-please, get going, Straccia! I'm not going down until I shut this dude up!"

"Straccia...?" Tomato hears the name, squinting. "I feel like I've heard that name before..." His men start to think, too.

[WRITER 2]
Straccia sighs, her non-existent brow furrowing.

"Sure you have, buddy... You're gonna hear it for weeks after I beat your bully butt away from my friend!" She yells, lunging at Tomato.

[WRITER 1]
"Ehh...? I already said I'm not interested! But, you pests keep annoying me... Maybe I can let loose some frustration and-"

"Q-quit it, quit it!" Ningen steps in front of Stracciatella and interjects, yet again. He pants and pants, making the beautiful Saiyan sigh. Ningen looks at Stracciatella, a bruise underneath one of his determined eyes. "P-please... Please... I know I can do it. This is my mess. I lied about ya'... I don't deserve to have you fight a fight for me. I was just... Real desperate at the time..." He continues to look at Straccia, his gaze stiffening. "Please... Let me handle this myself."

"...Straccia, Straccia..." During the cutoff, Tomato continued to think to himself. His tail frizzles, a memory returning! "Wait... I remember now! Straccia... That's the name of... An Elite Time Patroller!" Tomato's men gasp at the proclamation.

"Y-yeah, I told you I wasn't lyin'!"

However, Tomato just snickers in response. "This... is an Elite Time Patroller? One who didn't even fly here? Ah, yes, I know the name... The Elite Time Patroller... Of healing, not fighting! Even in the truth, you're not worth anything! A womanly healer, how painfully cliche!-"

"I told ya', don't talk to her like that!" Ningen tightens his grip, looking back at Straccia in a silent repeating of his prior request. "Please..."

"My... Are either of you going to actually fight me? You've ticked me off now. I need to bruise someone up badly. At least then, you'll have a noteworthy appearance!"

[WRITER 2]
Straccia meets Ningen's gaze.

"Gh... Fine, try again! But if you get your butt bruised up, you'll take a seat and let me shut him up, okay?"

[WRITER 1]
"..."

Ningen doesn't answer that question. He just looks at Straccia with a light in his eye one last time, before redirecting his gaze over to Tomato. "Y-yeah, one of us is ready to fight! And it's the one with knuckle sandwich written on his fist!"

"..." Tomato looks around. "Erm, I see that on neither of you... Is there someone here I'm missing, or...?"

"Awh, dang, it musta' got washed off my hand...!" How? He doesn't shower! "When I got smacked into the lake yesterday..." That adds up.

"But, uh, I meant me! C'mon, I may not be tough, but I ain't a quitter!"

"Hmph." Tomato doesn't take a fighting stance like Ningen, but he does loosen his posture a bit. "That's correct, but to a hideous fault."

Ningen Battle Count: 105/1000

VS. Tomato

As soon as Ningen rushes towards the Saiyan, he gets smacked by Tomato's tail and gets knocked out cold for a few seconds.

"ACK!"

Ningen Battle Count: 105/1000

W: 00

L: 104 - 105

"Hmph. Just as I-"

"W-wait...!" However, 'a few seconds' was a key descriptor there. It didn't take too long for Ningen to stand up again - he did so very slowly, but he did do it. "I-I didn't get a real chance! Y-you weren't using your hands!"

Tomato goes silent, actually baffled. His gaze narrowed, his men actually starting to frown for Ningen whilst Tomato took his sunglasses off, cracking his knuckles. "...If you want to be put down so bad, then I'll be happy to oblige..."

. . . . .

It was the same song and dance, over and over again.

"ACK!"

"OOF!"

"GHH!"

Each time he'd get knocked down for what seemed like the last time, he'd get up just before Straccia could step in. Each time he got slower and slower, though... Until...

Ningen Battle Count

W: 00

L: 105 - ...115

Ningen was laid out on the ground, without any motion whatsoever. Tomato hadn't broken so much as a sweat, his men appearing horrified. "Get that look off your faces... It's ugly. We're leaving. They don't deserve to see our beautiful exit." With that, he signaled for his hesitant men to grab onto him before putting two fingers to his forehead and instantly teleporting away.

There wasn't a peep from the unconscious Ningen.

[WRITER 2]
Straccia seemed more and more upset each time she saw Ningen land on the ground, but she remained motionless, waiting for the man to give up.

"Hey! You can't just leave! Chicken! You're a fearful chicken!" She shakes her fists in the air as she goes over to check on Ningen.

"Why didn't you listen to me?!" Straccia scolds, now shaking him in the air.

[WRITER 1]
"Rrngh... Nnngh..." The constant wet cat comparison was no more. He was more like a sloppy shrimp. He barely released any sound, flopping with Straccia's shakes.

"..."

Though, thanks to the large amount of silence, a foot breaking the grass has its noise become more apparent than it usually would.

[WRITER 2]
Straccia sighs, putting Ningen back on the ground, her ear wobbling as it began picking up on the footstep noises that approached them.

"What now...?" She glances over to the direction of the noisy foot.

[WRITER 1]
"...U-uh..."

They were back...

"Hi... There..."

Or, at least.. one of them was. It was one of Tomato's inconspicuous men, the already shaky fellow shaking and gulping more when Straccia looks at him. "I-I let go at the last second when he teleported away... Please don't get upset..." The grunt puts his hands up pleadingly. "Aren't you... The Elite Time Patroller of Healing? I-I think for putting up such a valiant effort... He shouldn't have to suffer..."

He gazes at the state of Ningen. "Grrrbght...thgh" Shrimp.

[WRITER 2]
"You think I don't know that?" Straccia snarls, glaring at the grunt.

"I'm going to heal him up, of course, that doesn't mean I can't be upset at him for being dumb, not valiant!"

She grits her teeth, before turning back to Ningen and beginning the healing process, muttering some words that sounded Namekian-like, and oozing a sparkling green wave from her palms.

[WRITER 1]
"I-I just thought I'd make the suggestion!" Tomato's follower yelps, holding his hands up further. However, he breathes a sigh of relief as he watches the bruises start to fade from Ningen.

"That's some real interesting technique you got there... No wonder you're called an Elite..." However, he clears his throat. "A-anyway, I won't bother you any longer... I just wanted to stay behind to... W-well, when he wakes up... Just tell him..." The Saiyan thinks for a second. "...Tell him I said thanks... For considering us." Even if it were brief, it was true. Then, the follower sighs, turning around before-

"W-wait...!" Suddenly, Ningen sits up, coughing. The follower snaps his head around, befuddled. "D-don't go yet...! Tell your boss... To meet me here again in an hour, for one last round! If he wins, he'll get to fight an even more Elite Time-Patrol-Guy!" Ningen proclaims. "H-he'll know it's true, he saw I already knew one!"

"H-huh?!" The follower's eyes almost pop out of his skull. "A-are you crazy?! Look... I appreciate you, but I gotta go before he notices I didn't come with him!" The follower scurries off.

"...I... Appreciate you, too..." Ningen heard the last bit of what the follower had to say just as he woke up. The thank you from the guy.. It made him smile. "..." But he snapped out of it, backing up as he felt the wrathful aura of Straccia.

[WRITER 2]
Despite being smaller than him, Straccia was currently towering over Ningen, glaring down at him and clearing her throat.

"So... What did you learn out of today's fights? To ask for help? To know when to stop and find a new opponent? Mhm?"

[WRITER 1]
"Ehh... Ehehe... Well... I..."

Ningen started to look shaky, but he took a deep breath and stood his ground. Or sat his ground, rather.

"...I... Didn't learn anythin'..." Ningen says that with a slight mumble, but he clenches his fists and looks up. "...But that's because it ain't over yet...!"

Ningen stands, looking about as determined as ever. He tightens his headband. "I knew I wasn't gonna win, but... I used that to my advantage. I tried to study what he could do as much as I could..." He says, crossing his arms. "'Cause something he said that really grinded my gears... Is that he tried callin' my fightin' skills dumb. He said I wasn't smart. Well, he's wrong, since I've got an idea on how to beat him now. And... It'll require your help, but I still wanna do the lifting."

He looks over at Straccia. "I'm pretty sure he'll accept my offer. We got an hour, and... In that time, I wanna try practicin' my idea."

His determined demeanor fades instantly and he bows to Straccia, on his knees. "Prettypleasehelpme?" Ningen gulped. "I-I'm askin' first this time!"

[WRITER 2]
"Oh!" Straccia freezes up for a second, trying to remain serious.

"Okay, okay. You can fight him one more time. But this will be actually the last one! If you lose again you have to give up on fighting against that Tomato guy and just finding someone else to keep learning!" She says.

Although her words were harsh, her face slowly fading from an upset expression into pity combined with supportiveness.

[WRITER 1]
Ningen nods, standing up. "Mhm. You've got my word on that one." This time, he actually agreed to it. It was the final round.

"Okay, so, first, I figured since you look like cheese, you could kind of act like string cheese, and..."

However, the details of Ningen and Stracciatella's quote unquote "training" became obscured by the sounds of the nearby city. An hour passed as planned, and Ningen, while looking a little bit exhausted, stiffened himself and started stretching for battle once he saw the silhouette of the beauteous Saiyan Tomato and his followers begin to take form.

"You're lucky..." Tomato says, smiling. "Maybe you're not as much of a lie as I thought. It seemed like you truly did know an Elite, so perhaps, you'll also know one that's actually worth breaking a diamond encrusted sweat over..." He cracks his neck. "You're only getting one more round, though. Understand? Even I start to feel bad beating up cliche freaks every once in a while."

As Tomato spoke, one of his followers in particular gave Ningen and his Majin friend a shaky glance. However, Ningen himself's gaze wasn't so rattled - in fact, he almost looked more sure than ever. Though, he did start to think, "Ehh, I actually did lie this time... But, he's a jerk, so it don't matter, right?" Even though he was thinking to himself, he gave Straccia a glance, almost as if he was looking for approval for his unspoken mistruth. "Well, I guess I'll apologize for lyin' after we spank his butt..."

"Alright, Stracci, just as we practiced! Do the door thing you did earlier!" Ningen says excitedly. "Y'know, the stretchy thing!"

"...?" Tomato lifts an eyebrow.

[WRITER 2]
"Uh-huh!" Straccia nods, grinning as her limbs slowly begin to stretch and deform, beginning to look like a dangerous spaghetti monster.

[WRITER 1]
"W-woah! You must've learned that from my pocket pasta!"

"EW!" Tomato's face contorts in disgust, his followers gasping flamboyantly. "I-I almost began to think that you two teaming up wasn't cliche, b-but this?! This is disgusting! This is almost too original! I-I thought she was meant to be cheese!"

"She is cheese, son!" Ningen proclaims with confidence, pointing at Tomato and grinning. However, he awkwardly scratches his cheek after, leaning over to Stracciatella (Spaghetti Form) to whisper, "Uhh, could you tone it down a little, though...? Wrap around my hands, like boxing gloves! Though, I appreciate you likin' my pasta that much..." Ningen believes he invented spaghetti.

[WRITER 2]
"Okie-dokie!" Straccia giggles, shrinking herself down to fit on Ningen's hands just enough to pack a punch.

[WRITER 1]
"Yeah!" Ningen pumps his fists in the air, his hands now looking like yellow boxing gloves thanks to Straccia - to that, one of the gloves had her overly friendly face sticking out of it. "These are my string cheese gloves! They're better than all 1 trillion hairstyles you said you had, or whatever! I don't need hair, I need fisties!" Ningen proclaims. "Though, my hair is pretty cool, too!" Ningen spikes up his mohawk using the Straccia gloves.

"Hmm...? A bold statement..." Tomato giggles, coyly making a line in the dirt with his foot as he watches Ningen ramble. "What makes you think your silly little hands are better than any of my magnificent, 15 and a half hairstyles?" The Saiyan asks.

"It's 'cuz you underestimate me!" Ningen responds. "You said I was dumb, but you're wrong! I can think real hard, when I try!" Despite the dent in his skull, that might've been true. "But, you're right about one thing... I definitely ain't tough - at least, not yet! So, with my pal on my hands, I can use her toughness, with my wrinkly brain!" Some sources say it was mostly smooth. "You'll see you ain't hot stuff when you see me for what I've really got, alien strength aside!"

"Mm… Isn't it a bit presumptuous of you to call me an alien, just because we're different? In my eyes, you're the alien, Earthling. I, a beautiful Saiyan, could never be an alien." Tomato smirks, posing beautifully. "Have you seen the usual depiction of an alien? They look nothing like me! They're too uggo!"

"Whatever, your mama is uggo!" Ningen pauses, looking down at Straccia. He frowned. "Uh, was that too mean...? Maybe I should say sorry..." He sighs. "Anyway, are you ready...? Just listen to what I got to say in the fight, and I think it'll be had..."

[WRITER 2]
"Ooh, smells like pasta too...!" Straccia (Glove Form) comments as she spikes Ningen's mohawk.

"Don't worry, he's asking for it!" She reassures.

[WRITER 1]
She was correct. That mohawk was gel'd with the cheapest pasta sauce you could get from the 99 Zeni store. However, what was about to go down was far more important to Ningen than 99 Zeni, at least. "Mhm, you're right..." Ningen looks down at Straccia and nods, getting into his fighting pose, elbows positioned at his sides.

"My... Mother is uggo...?" Meanwhile, Tomato still couldn't get over Ningen's comeback. He held his face in his hands, one of his followers glancing away and muttering, "I mean, he did kind of destroy your entire argument with that one..."

"S-shut up! My mother doesn't look like an alien!" Tomato whines, before stiffening his own posture. He throws his shades to the side, glaring at Ningen and Straccia. "Are the 'Spaghetti Sisters' ready, or whatever you'd like to call yourselves?!"

"Ohh, I like that name!" Ningen mentally writes that down. "But, yep, it's go time!"

Ningen Battle Count: 116/1000

VS. Tomato (Enraged About Yo Mama Joke Form)

"Hm!" Tomato skirts forward, forcefully slapping his tail at Ningen in a swift fashion. Tomato smirks, knowing this as the very same strike that put out Ningen in seconds before. "You fool!- Eh?!"

"G-ghn!" Ningen almost couldn't do it because he remembered the embarrassment suffered, but he fought through it and grabbed the tail at the last second. As Ningen mentioned, he studied Tomato's movements over their repeated skirmishes, so he was able to recognize exactly how he should go about grabbing it. Before, the force might've been too much still and he would've dropped it, but thanks to Straccia's sticky Majin frame, when Tomato tried tugging his tail away, he couldn't. "H-hey! Let go of me! You're getting cheese all over my beautiful tail!"

"Yo mama looks like cheese!"

"GRRRAAAAH!" Tomato is enraged, pulling at his own tail further, nearly making Ningen fall over despite his mighty grip. "A-AH!" "I-I'll say sorry after!"

"W-wrap yourself around his tail and stretch up to his face!" Ningen whisper-yells to Straccia, keeping hold.

[WRITER 2]
"Got it!" Straccia slimes from Tomato's tail to his head, wrapping herself around it, which led to the angered Saiyan warrior to look as if he was goofy and cheesy, his face being replaced by Straccia's.

[WRITER 1]
"A-ACK! P-please, anywhere but the face!" The beauteous Saiyan was too busy focusing on the appearance of his tail, so he couldn't stop something far more important to him becoming cheesed. His face had become that of a silly anime girl's, and he was having none of it. "G-get away! Get away, you cheesy, spaghetti thing!" He tries to tear Straccia from his face, feeling the looming gazes of his followers despite being unable to see them. "D-don't look! I'm not usually this ug-"

He gets cut off. Taking the chance, Ningen reared his hand back, and smacked the daylights out of Tomato while he was blinded. Thanks to the force behind it given by Straccia, the unspeakable happened... "N-NOOO! MY NOSE!" There was a loud crack upon the hit, making Tomato wail in horror while Ningen's face dropped. "H-huh...? What happened?!" Worried about what he possibly did, he yanks his fists and gets Straccia off his face to see what happened.

"M-my nose! It's broken! I'm hideous now!" Actually, he only had a nose bleed, but he was too pretty for that. "Y-you spaghetti SACKS! I-I'll be back for you...! M-men, get me out of here, but don't look at me!"

"Y-yes, sir!"

Almost as horrified as him, the Saiyan's followers begin to stretcher him out with their own bodies, blood running down from his self-proclaimed 'broken' nose. "W-wait, dude, don't go! I-I didn't get to say sorry for-"

Ningen reaches his hand out, but he sees the affirming glance given to him by one of the followers in particular. As the group faded into the distance, a realization dawned upon Ningen, the man going silent...

Ningen Battle Count: 116/1000

W: 00 - 01

L: 115

"W-we... We did it...?"

[WRITER 2]
"Yay! We did it!" Straccia celebrates doing a stretchy dance.

"How about it, Ningen? You won your first battle! Congratulations!" She cheers him, while wiping blood off her clothes.

[WRITER 1]
"..."

In contrast, Ningen was silent, stiff. On one hand, he felt a little bad about what happened to Tomato and his comments towards him, but on the other, something he and Straccia just said rang out in his mind... "We... Did it... We did it. We did it."

"..."

Ningen turns away. "That wasn't a real win. We didn't outmatch him, we just... Made him think he and his mom were ugly, or somethin'..." Ningen says that with a frown, before looking down with a slight clench of the fist. "...But... I was so caught up in it all, that I didn't realize..." He pauses. "...We won, but... I, alone, didn't..."

Ningen Battle Count: 116/1000 - 115/1000

W: 01 - 00

L: 115

"It doesn't count."

[WRITER 2]
"Yeah, we did it! We- didn't?" Straccia turns at him, dead quiet.

"Hm... I guess it might make sense..." She claps her hands together. "Well, if you want to beat him by yourself next time, you should get to training!"

[WRITER 1]
"Yeah, I guess so..." Ningen responds, sounding a little destitute. "If all that taught me anything, I guess it's just that... If I were tough... Then maybe all the other stuff I got would mean somethin'." He goes silent, before sighing.

"I did appreciate you helpin', though." He looks at Stracciatella, smiling. "It's not that it didn't count, it just... Well, it had to count for somethin' else, right? I'll... Think more about that later." He tightens his bandanna, as well as his power pole strap. "For now, you're right... It's back to the drawing board!"

Suddenly putting on a more chipper front, Ningen sets off, skipping ahead. "I'll make you a big plate of spaghetti to thank ya', it'll help the thing you did look better!"

Speaking of 'looking', from behind a nearby bush, some kind of gaze landed upon the pair. It wasn't exactly obvious in appearance, but the intangible feel that the look gave Ningen and Straccia was heavy enough on its own. "...Teehee...~" A giggle even more coy than Tomato's rang in the wind, the weight of the gaze fading.

"You're right... You would be better, if you were strong...~"

[EPISODE TWO - END]