TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self harm and body image issues
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Laney stirs in her sleep. She's never been a morning person; she especially never liked the mornings after she spent the night crying until there were no tears left in her tear ducts. She felt numb, all she wants to do is go back to sleep but the constant knocking is preventing that. Sleeping was better than being awake.
At least she can't experience the misery of reality while asleep.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The redhead groans before sluggishly sitting up in bed. Still being half asleep, Laney couldn't register where the knocking was coming from.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Where the fuck is that knocking coming from" She thinks, annoyed that such an irritating sound woke her up when the sun wasn't even up yet. Annoyance quickly overrides her feelings of numbness when she hears another knock.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The window. Laney pinpointed the sound that was coming from her window. Annoyed she sluggishly walks over to her window and opens her curtains; only to be surprised to see her best friend sitting on a tree branch that was near her window.
"Ah! CORE! WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE!" She shouts as she opens the window allowing the singer to enter her room. "I'm coming to pick you up to take you to Mixes & Beats! We have to get there early to beat the crowd!" Laney glances at her alarm clock.
3:28 am.
"Core it's so early. Can't we wait until it's at least 6am?" Laney whines and attempts to go back to her bed only to be stopped by Corey who grabs her wrist and brings her body close to his. A deep red blush begins to take over her skin, it makes Laney thankful that the only light inside the room came from the moon.
His face is incredibly close to hers. Personal space has never been a part of Corey's vocabulary and it was something Laney expected. He's done this exact thing over a million times over the course of their friendship, but it still never failed to make Laney's heart flutter.
This time felt different compared to all the other times Corey has forced their bodies close together. Maybe it's because they were alone, in the privacy of Laney's room. Maybe it's because they're just a bit closer to each other than normal. Maybe it's because she can smell the faint scent of his cologne radiating off his body. Maybe it's because the moon is illuminating their bodies. She can see all of his faint freckles and moles even the small amount of fuzz that is growing around his chin. She can even see the moon reflect off his beautiful blue eyes.
His eyes were probably Laney's favorite part of Corey's body. Sure, she loved every part of Corey, but there was something about his eyes that drew her in. It was like a looking into a different world. His eyes were full of life and joy. Corey's eyes told a story, a story that Laney wanted to read. She could spend an eternity just gazing into his eyes. His eyes are the prettiest shade of blue. His eyes are just perfect.
Corey is just so perfect.
This would be the perfect moment to kiss Corey. All she'd have to do is go on the tips of her toes and tilt her head ever so slightly to kiss him. And in a different reality, in a reality where she was Corey's girlfriend instead of Georgia, she would have kissed him. But she's not his girlfriend. And she'll probably never will be. But it can't hurt to fantasize about it. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about dating your best friend who is madly in love with another, right? Her fantasies are soon interrupted by a voice that Laney can't stand.
"Corey baby, what's taking so long?" Almost as soon as he grabbed her, he let her go so that he could go to the window to answer his girlfriend.
3:29 am.
"Sorry babe, you know that Lanes sleeps like a log" Corey begins to leave through the window but stops halfway through. "Hurry and get dressed Lanes, I'll be in the car." Before she could even respond, Corey already left. Laney sighs before looking down at her outfit and she immediately freaks out because of what she's wearing. A thin and flimsy grey tank top with no bra on and a pair of black shorts that stopped at her upper thigh.
She can't believe that she was scantily clad in front of Corey. The outfit was far from sexy, but this was the first time he has seen her so exposed. This realization made Laney worry about Corey seeing so much of her body, he shouldn't be subjected to that.
"I need to be honest with myself, I could be naked in front of Core, and he still wouldn't notice me. He never does." She thinks to herself as she walks to her closet to change.
…
It didn't take long for Laney to get dressed, it's too early in the morning for her to care about her appearance. An oversized black hoodie and matching sweatpants is good enough for her. As she walks outside the front door, prepared to lock it, she sees an all too familiar sight. Corey and Georgia making out in the driver's seat.
"It's a miracle that she's not pregnant" Laney thinks as she locks the door before waking up to the car and pulling on the handle. It's locked. Unfortunately, it's not a rare occurrence. Deeply sighing, Laney gently knocks on Corey's side, interrupting the oblivious couple.
"Sorry Lanes." Corey apologizes as he unlocks the door allowing the red head to enter the car. "It's fine Core" Laney mumbles while buckling her seatbelt.
…
"I'm so sorry you had to see us making out earlier Laney; I just can't help myself around Corey." It takes everything in Laney to not roll her eyes at Georgia's statement. Noticing that she's not getting a response, Georgia decides to speak up again. She eyes at Laney's outfit through the rear-view mirror.
"Are you really going to Mixes & Beats like that? Y'know we're going to going to be at the mall all day. Oh! I have an idea!" Laney glances up from her phone for just a second and sees a brief glimmer of malice overtakes Georgia's eyes. It went by so fast that Laney almost missed it. With a bright smile, Georgia turns to Corey and places a perfectly manicured hand in his upper thigh.
"Corey baby I think it'd be fun to do a makeover on Laney! She's so boyish, I think I could bring out her feminine side!" She turns to look at Laney. "What do you say Laney, will you let me give you a makeover?" If this were someone else, it'd be an innocent request. But Laney be better, this wouldn't be the first time Georgia would innocently request something from Laney with the intention to humiliate her.
"No." It came out more forceful than Laney intended, it surprised everyone in the car. The redhead clears her throat, "I'm okay with the way I look."
"You can't possibly be okay with looking like a homeless 12-year-old boy!" Laney scoffs and Georgia turns back to Corey who's paying more attention to the road then the conversation. "You gotta make her agree to the makeover baby! I'm just looking out for her; we'll be going to college in a few months and a young lady shouldn't be dressed like a slob. Please make her agree baby!" The last sentence comes out in a sickening sweet tone that Georgia knows makes Corey do what she wants.
Corey finally takes his eyes off the road for a brief second, it's the first time Corey bothered to look at or talk to Laney since she got in the car 20 minutes ago. "A makeover can't hurt fella."
Laney internally groans. "I don't want to do it Cor-" "Please Lanes? If not for Georgia, do it for me, your best friend."
She sighs knowing that there was no arguing with him, he'd just keep asking until she caved. "Fine."
A smirk covers Georgia's face and Corey flashes a smile at Laney. "You're the best fella!"
…
The Peaceville mall looks like a ghost town this early in the morning. There aren't many cars in the parking lot but that's not surprising considering the time of day and the fact that the mall isn't even open yet.
"Yes! It looks like we'll be one of the first people in the mail! Discount here we come!" Before Corey could exit the car Georgia stops him. "Wait baby, I can't find my wallet could you help me look for it? I think I dropped it somewhere in the car." She pours and gives Corey puppy dog eyes. "Of course, babe." He looks at Laney. "Could you wait in line Lanes? I'll be there asap and I'm sure the twins will be here soon!" "Fine." Laney sighs as she walks out of the car so she can sit on the ground in front of the mall's entrance.
"What the fuck is taking them so long?" Laney wonders after sitting alone for 30 minutes. She gets her answer when she looks at Corey's car. Thankfully because of the tinted windows she couldn't see inside, but the rocking of the car gave away of what was happening in inside.
"I can't believe it. That's a lie, of course they'd do that." Laney groans before resting her head on her knees slowly drifting to sleep.
…
Tap. Tap. Tap
Laney stirs in her sleep. Annoyed that she was woken up from her sleep once again.
"Hey are you okay?" She didn't recognize the voice and groggily gets raises her head to see a concerned looking boy who appeared to be around her age, but she could barely make out his face because of the glare from the sun.
"Are you okay? You've been sitting there for a while. I thought I'd have to call the ambulance if you didn't wake up."
Laney looks up at the boy. He has a deep skin tone, round glasses that framed his big brown eyes and thick twists that stops just above his shoulder. His outfit looks like something you'd see in a fashion or art school.
"Huh?" Is all Laney could manage. Finally processing the person who is speaking to her and the fact that the sun is already up. The boy is looking rather concerned, "Do I need to call someone? You look disoriented."
"I-I'm fine. I just dozed off while waiting for the mall to open." Laney panics as she gets up and looks at he phone to check the time. 7:12. "Yes! The mall hasn't been open for too long." She thinks to herself.
"That's good, I guess. What were you doing sleeping in front of the mall alone? I'm Miguel by the way." He states a bit awkwardly. "I'm Laney. I was waiting to be one of the first people to go to Mixes & Beats because my friend wanted to get some things there." At the mention of Corey, she scans the surrounding area in search for him only to realize that his car is nowhere to be seen. "But I guess he's not here after making me come so early." She says mumbling the last few words, clearly disgruntled.
"Man, that's gotta suck. It is a coincidence though because I was heading over to Mixes & Beats and I could really use your help." Laney looks at Miguel perplexed. "You need my help? You don't even know me."
Miguel scratches the back of his neck, "That is true. But you look like someone who could help me." Laney raises her eyebrow as he continues speaking. "I'm looking to find some CDs of underground artists to gift my little sister for her birthday. She likes to listen to new artists, but I don't want to get her just any CD. I get the feeling that you have a similar taste to her, especially since you're going to this obscure music shop." Miguel rambles on.
"Fine, I'll help you, but I really need to go into shop quickly." Miguel thanks her and the pair walks into relatively empty mall. Thankfully for Laney there were only three people who entered Mixes & Beats before her.
"I need to quickly text my friend to ask him what he wants. I don't really plan on buying much for myself, I only came here for him." Miguel nods his head, "Yea no problem. This friend seems like he's important to you considering you'd wait outside for him."
Laney: Hey Core, where are you? I'm already at Mixes & Beats. Are you coming back soon, or do you want me to buy something for you?
She quickly moves over to her conversation over to the one with Kin and Kon.
Laney: I'm at Mixes & Beats, when are you guys are coming?
"Okay I'm done. Can you tell me more about what she likes?" Miguel starts to think. "I'm always hearing her listen to punk and rock music. I think one of the artists she listens to is…Sulking Eclipse."
"Sulking Eclipse? Your sister has good tastes. I know some artists she might like." Laney says as she leads him over to the CDs. The two browse the CD aisle for a bit before Laney picks up a CD. "If she likes Sulking Eclipse then she'll probably like this album by Blasphemous Reptile." Miguel inspects the CD cover for a bit before slightly laughing. "I knew you'd be a great person to help me! My sister has this album in her room!"
"I see. Let's see." Her eyes scan the CDs before picking up another. "Aha! What about 6 Winter Clowns? They are a bit different compared to Sulking Eclipse, but they are really good. They're a band from the late 80s and a lot of people don't know about them. She might like it." Miguel gently takes the CD from her hand. "You're right! This is she'll definitely like this!" The two spend a while picking up CDs and eventually Miguel has a stack of about 10 CDs. Laney takes a brief look at her messages, the twins haven't seen her message, but Corey left her on read.
"Thank you so much for your help! There has to be a way I can repay you!" Laney shakes her head. "Don't worry about it. I was happy to help." "I defiantly have to be pay you back! I know! How about I pay for your breakfast! I'm sure you're hungry after waiting for your friend."
"Miguel really, it's fine. You don't have to do anything plus a breakfast is way too much." Laney sighs as Miguel looks at her. "Then what about a coffee. A coffee is something small." Laney looks up at him. "You're really not going to stop are you."
"Only if it bothers you. Am I crossing a line? I'll back off if so." Laney smiles slightly. "It's fine, I'll take you up on your coffee order. I just have to make sure that my 75% coupon is still valid even if I leave the store." And with that they walk up to the register so that Miguel could pay for the CDs. Thankfully the clerk was chill and allows the coupon to leave the store and still be valid.
The walk from Mixes & Beats to the café wasn't far. The two get lost in their conversations after ordering their respective drinks.
…
"Y'know you really do look like someone who'd go to an art school." Laney giggles, playing with the cup of her drink that emptied a long time ago. "What gave it away? Was it the septum or tattoos?" Miguel laughs alongside Laney.
"Oh my God! Is that Laney?" The happy atmosphere was immediately ruined the second Laney heard Georgia's voice and saw her and Corey walking up to them. "Do you know these people?" Miguel inquires and Laney gives him an awkward smile. "Yea I do. This is my best friend Corey and his girlfriend."
"The same best friend who ditched you in a parking lot in the middle of the night?" Miguel looks at Corey with disgust and before Laney could speak up, Georgia beats her to it. "Why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend? I can't believe you had a secret boyfriend all this time."
"Miguel is not my boyfriend, he's just someone who treated me to coffee after helping him pick out some CDs at Mixes & Beats." Laney corrects.
"Speaking of Mixes and Beats, how come you aren't in the store Lanes? What about the discount?" Corey asks disappointed in Laney for potentially ruining the discount event for him. "It's fine Core" She sighs exasperatedly before pulling the coupon out of her pocket to show Corey. "I got the coupon; I can use it any time today."
Corey's eyes light up and his smile spreads across his face. "That's great Lanes! Let's go there now!" He shouts while tugging on Laney's wrist almost making her fall off the stool. "W-wait Core. Give me a second." She says yanking her arm away from Corey, shocking the singer.
Laney turns to Miguel. "It was nice meeting you Miguel. Thanks for the coffee." "Miguel smiles at her, "I really should be thanking you Laney, I don't think I would have gotten all of these CDs if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have gotten all these CDs for my sister without you. We should hang out sometimes. I'll give you my number so you can text me. But only if you want to." Miguel takes a tiny notebook out of his tote bag to write his number of a sheet of paper before handing it to Laney.
Laney could barely give Miguel a proper goodbye before Corey began to drag her away back to Mixes & Beats.
…
Shopping with Corey inside of a music store is insufferable, he can never make up his mind about what he wants to buy. It's 10 times worse when it comes to music stores with sales going on. Even Georgia can't deal with his nonsense.
"Corey baby, I'm going to take Laney away to give her that make over we mentioned earlier. I'm sure the twins will be over here soon, so you won't be here by yourself for long." Georgia drapes her body across Corey's body as she speaks. Almost as if it was muscle memory, Corey wraps an arm around Georgia's waist, the action makes Laney roll her eyes.
Corey kisses Georgia before saying, "Anything you want babe." He turns to Laney, "I'll pay you back for this Lanes! You're the best!"
Laney wants to scoff and tell Corey off, but she doesn't and soon Georgia drags her out of Mixes & Beats and into a store Laney knows isn't her style. While there's nothing inherently wrong with the clothes in the store, in fact they were incredibly beautiful and would absolutely look beautiful on someone else, for Laney its everything she hates.
Tight and cropped shirts. Skirts that could pass for belts. And the colors are way to light and bright compared to what Laney normally wears. She wanted to quickly leave the store, but she could see Georgia power walking back to her with a store associate by her side.
"I want to get something that's actually cute. No more of this hobo look. Do you think that you could find something really trendy and feminine." Georgia asks the associate.
The associate eyes Laney's outfit and it almost feels like there's nothing but disgust in her eyes. "It'll take a lot of work to fix this train wreck, but I think we have the perfect collection to sort this out."
After that exchange Laney was quickly whisked away to the changing room where she was forced to try on several outfits, all of which made Laney incredibly uncomfortable. Georgia constantly making passive aggressive comments about Laney's body didn't help.
"You defiantly don't have the boobs to make this look good on you."
"I'm surprised you're so flabby considering you're like a toothpick."
"This one isn't it either, I don't think you're pretty enough for it."
Unfortunately for Laney, Corey and the twins arrived just as Laney was putting on the last outfit Georgia picked out for her. This outfit made Laney feel the most insecure, exposed, and uncomfortable. Maybe it's the fact that the skirt was very low waisted and barely stopped at her upper thigh and the top was cropped and sleeves with a plunging neckline. Or maybe it was the fact that her friends would see her in this outfit, Corey would see her in this outfit.
A sense of dread started to overtake Laney. Her hands began to tremble a bit and they felt clammy all of a sudden. She felt both hot and cold. Sweat started to bead on her forehead and she felt like she just finished running a marathon. She was hyperventilating and her heart began to beat against her chest like it was a pair of sticks beating on a drum. Only a few phrases kept repeating in Laney's head.
"I just wanna cry."
"I'm too disgusting to look at."
"I just want to go away forever."
Over and over these phrases kept repeating in Laney's mind like a broken record as the tears began to well up in her eyes. She slumped onto the ground in an attempt to let the floor swallow her. But like always, there's someone who interrupts her.
"What's taking so long Lanes. Can you hurry up in there? I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." Corey whines dramatically on the other side of the door. "Do you need help in there Laney, is the outfit too complicated for you?" Georgia chimes in.
Laney looks at herself in pure disgust. "I can't believe how pathetic I am, almost having a break down in a fucking mall. Pull yourself together Laney Penn, the sooner you get this over with, the sooner you can go home and have an uninterrupted crying session in the privacy of your own home." She thinks to herself.
"I'll be out in a second, just had to figure out how to type the back of the shirt." She shouts from inside the dressing room. With that Laney gets up and attempts to calm herself and gets rid of any visual indicators of her mental state.
It felt like a time slowed down when she went to grab the handle of the door to leave the locker. An ominous feeling washes over her as she takes a deep breath before opening the door. The twins are in absolute shock to see her like this. Laney couldn't make out the meaning of Georgia's expression. And Corey, he just looked indifferent, bored even.
Laney just stands in front of the dressing room uncomfortably as she feels so many eyes examining her, examining all of her flaws. Georgia's gaze burnt the most, Laney just knew that Georgia would find something to comment on that would crumble her already low self-esteem. And find something she did, the grin that spread across Georgia's face was almost comically evil, but still just as menacing as usual. "Have you been cutting yourself Laney? What's that on your thigh?" Georgia asks feigning innocence.
Laney's eyes widen, she had completely forgotten about them. They're usually hidden by her pants, but with how short the skirt is there is no way to hide them. No one knew about these scars besides Laney, not the twins, not her parents, not even Corey. They're from a time when her mental health was at its lowest and she didn't want to burden anyone else with her problems.
But now they're visible for the whole world to see. Laney couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or scream. Why is this happening to her?
"I always knew you had something wrong with you, but I didn't think you were crazy enough to do something like that. It's a shame you'd scar your body, it's the only thing you had going for you since your face is so subpar." Georgia states, cattiness radiating off her.
Like a guitar string that has been tightened too much, Laney snaps. "You know what? Fuck you, Georgia! You are such a scheming cunt!" Laney screams at the other girl drawing the attention of other shoppers to them. Crocodile tears starts to fall from Georgia's eyes.
"What the fuck is your problem Lanes? You can't talk to her like that! You need to apologize!" Corey yells back. Laney scoffs, "Apologize for what Corey? She is the one who keeps making disrespectful comments at me. That's all she ever does." "You're really overacting. It's not that serious." Another string snaps. Before Laney could snap back, Kin speaks, "What your girlfriend is doing isn't cool Corey." Laney puts up her hand. "I appreciate your help Kin, but I am going to handle this."
Laney then glares at Corey, "Go fuck yourself Corey Riffin. First you wake me up at three in the morning to go to that stupid music store! Then you leave me to wait outside the mall for hours just so you can have sex. You left me in a fucking parking lot for hours by myself! Then you don't answer any of my texts once I get into that stupid store! Then you decide to show up hours later with that bitch only to drag me away from the one thing I enjoyed today! And to top it all off, you guilt me into acting like a doll for your fucking girlfriend and expect me to let her talk to me like I am the scum of the earth!"
As Laney takes a moment to catch her breath, she notices that she was crying. With one more sigh she gives Corey another glare, "You're such a shitty friend Corey." With that she goes back into the dressing room to hastily put her normal clothes back on.
Laney looks and feels like an absolute wreck. After changing she leaves the dressing room to rush past the twins preventing them from talking to her. She just keeps running. All she wants to do is go home and cry.
She can barely see where she is going with all of the tears clouding her vision. Her running is unceremoniously stopped when she runs into something and feels cold liquid soaking through her hoodie.
"Is that you Laney? Are you okay?"
A/N: I am so sorry for the several month long hiatus. Between finishing my first year in college and now doing a study abroad program, I forgot about this story... I hope that the length of this chapter makes up for all the months I didn't post. I'm going to try to post more often, hopefully at least once a month. I want to thank you guys who continue to read and review despite my lack of consistency. You guys are the best!