Chapter 14 - By My Side
Author's Note: They... are healing. Slowly. :')
~ Amina Gila
Padme Amidala
"There's... something I need to tell you," Anakin says, slightly awkwardly. "Her name is Rey."
"What is it?" I ask softly. I can't let myself be overwhelmed with what it means for Anakin to be back now, not yet. Not when he's so unstable himself right now. I don't know what to think about the fact that he was fighting against the Rebellion, fighting for the Empire. That's against everything I ever worked for, and he helped destroy it.
Even if it wasn't willingly.
Even if he didn't realize the full extent of what was happening, like so many who have been fooled into believing in the Empire.
"I wasn't sure how you'd think about this," he says, not meeting my gaze, "I didn't even know about her until everything that just happened. She's... my clone, Padme. She's my child."
For a moment, I can only look at him, stunned. I always wanted more children, but this is different. This... isn't that. It's not mine, and I don't know what to think about that. Somehow, I don't think it was even his choice, and that makes it worse.
"I... don't know if you want to take her, but..."
"Of course," I answer automatically, "She's your child. We have to."
"I'm sorry," Anakin says awkwardly, "I... I don't want to ask this of you."
"You didn't know," I remind, taking his hands. I noticed it before, but I don't think it sunk in until right now when I feel the warmth of his once mechanical hand in mine. "What happened? Your arm..."
His expression closes off instantly. "Plagueis," Anakin answers, blinking a few times. "He... regrew it."
What?! "He can do that?"
"Apparently, yes."
"Why did you stay with him?" I want to know. I don't understand any of this. I don't know the full extent of what the Sith did to him and Aniya, and I don't really want to. At the same time, it feels like I should. Like I ought to, deserve to.
"Where could we have gone?" Anakin inquires, "We didn't know where to go. Even if we did, the Sith would have found us again, anyway."
That includes Sidious, who's currently here. Sidious, who destroyed everything I worked for. "Does that include Sidious?"
Anakin sighs. "It's – complicated. I'm his apprentice. I can't just walk out on that."
I know that the twin's past has made them... submissive in ways I can't really understand. Sabe told me a little about the people she encountered on Tatooine and what it can cause. "I understand," I assure gently. I think that's what he needs right now. "We can talk about this... later."
"Yeah," Anakin agrees, "Later."
Probably never.
I pull him into a hug, reveling in the feeling of being here again. Anakin has been gone for so long, and it's been... hard. It is, in some ways, less stressful to not be in the Senate, but at the same time, it feels like I ought to be doing more for the galaxy than I am. I'm beyond grateful that Anakin finally found his way back, but there's no way to make up for the time we spent without one another.
For a few moments, we just hold each other. It's been a long time, and neither of us knows how to talk to each other anymore. I don't know how to distract him.
"How has it been?" Anakin inquires, "I can't imagine it would've been easy to..."
"We survived," I assure, pulling back enough to look at him, but neither of us let go of each other. "That's more than what many families in the galaxy can say right now."
Anakin winces. "I know. I know I helped that."
"How could you believe in the Empire?" I inquire, careful to keep my voice not antagonistic. I'm not angry at him, exactly. I just... don't understand, even if I know that the twins have always had inclinations towards that.
"We had no government on Tatooine," Anakin answers slowly, "I know what it means to have one. And we... we lost our mother because of that." He pauses for a few minutes before finally continuing. I don't need the Force to feel his pain. I'm still in shock from hearing Qui-Gon died, too. I never knew him like Anakin did, but I still looked up to him, respected him. He saved my planet, and he was... different than the other Jedi I knew. He was one of the only ones I trusted. The only one except the twins and their padawans, actually.
"And," he continues, "Then later, with the war... many people could have been saved with an Empire. And with... what happened to Aniya and Ahsoka, that could have been avoided. They never had to come so close to death. They could have... it could've been different."
That, I understand. I was horrified by it, too. I was there, fought as hard as I could, but no one would listen. That was proof of how much the Republic was falling. "The Republic needed to be reformed, but an Empire that takes all rights of the people isn't what we need."
"We didn't know he would go as far as he was," Anakin replies quietly, "We had no idea. If we did, we could have gotten out of it before. Maybe. I don't know."
I let out a soft sigh. "None of us can change it now. I just want us to be together again."
Anakin nods, leaning down to press his forehead to mine. "Yes," he agrees, "That sounds perfect."
**w**
Jaufre Naberrie
"I was going to come find you," I say, holding Aniya close. It's been so long since we were last together. I knew it would happen again someday – I refused to expect anything else – but I can still hardly believe this is real. Aniya presses her head against my shoulder, arms tightening around me.
She instantly stiffens in my arms at the words, though. "It's a good thing you didn't."
"We could have gotten you away sooner."
"Or you could have been hurt," she retorts, voice muffled by the fabric. I know she's thinking of Qui-Gon. I still can't believe he's dead.
"Still, we could've..."
"I don't want to talk about this right now," Aniya whispers.
My heart clenches sharply, seeing her like this. And I'm angry that this is what the Sith did to them. It's not until I have the twins back, that I realize how much I'd... changed. It was hard to be cheerful, with everything that had happened. "It's okay. We don't have to." I lean down, kissing her, and we just... stay snuggled together for a little longer. "You know, I never expected to hear that you did have twins when I wasn't around."
"Maybe you shouldn't have joked about it," Aniya shoots back, a smile flicking across her lips.
I snort. "Technically, it was Padme who started the joke, because I was teasing her."
Aniya's expression closes off again, and I don't miss the flicker of pain in her eyes. "I was so scared," she whispers, "That they'd –"
"I know," I murmur, tightening my grip on her. I was terrified when I heard that we'd had children, who were trapped with the Sith.
And then, I didn't even know that Plagueis was studying them. I don't know the details of what that means. I'm not sure I want to, though I ought to, because they're my family. If the twins are ever even able to talk about it.
Ezra suddenly starts crying in the next room, and we disentangle ourselves, hurrying to the makeshift crib in our room where the twins are staying.
Of course, Ezra promptly wakes up Ben, too.
I leave Aniya to deal with the twins, heading out into the rest of the area in the bunker where we're currently staying. Dooku's going to be leaving to return to Serenno shortly, once he's certain his return won't lead to Imperials trying to kill him.
And there's also the tiny fact that, apparently, his castle on Serenno was blown up, so he doesn't have anywhere to go right now.
Dooku, I've grown to tolerate even if being around the former Separatist leader is weird, but the other Sith... I don't know. And as if in answer to my thoughts, I promptly run right into Maul. "... hey, aren't you the one who kidnapped the twins over a decade ago?"
I already know the answer, but I needed a good ice breaker, okay?
He gives me an odd look. "By Sidious' orders, yes."
"They don't seem to mind." Frankly, it's weird, but the twins have always been more understanding and forgiving than should even be possible.
He still looking at me with this odd look, the intensity of which is almost annoying. "We are well-acquainted. You are... Jaufre. Aniya's... whatever it is you humans refer to as mates."
I blink, then snort. "Never repeat that to anyone else. It's offensive."
"Why? It is the nature of your relationship."
Rude. Though I think he has no idea what that means... implies, oh whatever. "We're friends."
"The Senator is Anakin's friend?" Maul asks, eyes narrowing. What is that he has against her, anyway? This is the first time I've actually talked to Maul, and he's never said anything to Padme at all, except just the way he moves whenever she's around, and the way he looks at her. I can't shake the impression he doesn't like her, and I have no idea why. I assumed it was just because she was against the Sith, but he doesn't have that attitude towards me so... "What's with you, anyway? Of course, he and Padme are friends."
"It was his desire, then?"
I stare at him, almost incredulously. What is he implying? "Of course. Why are you even asking?" ... oh. I think I've heard before that Nightsisters are very dominant over the Nightbrothers. Actually 'dominant' is putting it kindly. "I don't know what is normal where you are, but we don't marry around here unless both parties want it."
He almost seems relieved, oddly enough. And that's... I'm still highly offended at what he was implying about my sister, but he's only acting like this because he's worried about the twins. He... cares about them. More than I realized, from what the twins were saying about it. "Thank you for watching over them," I tell him.
He makes an indecipherable noise. "They are my siblings."
Okay, I wasn't quite expecting him to say that. "That's awkward," I say, cheerfully, "Because Anakin is much like my brother, too."
He just... looks at me. Again. Evidently, he's not very sociable. Not that I expected otherwise from a Sith.
Both of us turn, as Anakin approaches. "You are leaving now?" he asks.
Maul nods. "I will be back, once my rule is... established."
"Rule? What? Where are you going?" I ask, blinking in surprise.
"There is little reason for the Empire to fall completely," he replies, turning to leave, sharing a final glance with Anakin before he goes.
"He's weird," I say flatly, "Not bad weird, but..."
Anakin smiles, faintly. "Yes, he is."
"Sort of like Nebula."
"... What?"
I huff. "Earth Wars? Come on, don't tell me you forgot her."
"Right," Anakin agrees. He looks momentarily amused – I wish the shadow on his and Aniya's face most of the time would go away. It's getting better, but... "I haven't thought of that in a long time."
"Time to start now," I decide, grinning. Not that I have either, but still. "We're going to catch you up. Once we can do that again." Because we don't have the resources to do much of anything on the holonet here.
**w**
Obi-Wan Kenobi
I don't know how the twins are fine with it. How in the blazes can they tolerate living in the same place as a Sith? I don't care if it's temporary.
I'm trying to avoid him, but, well, it doesn't always work. "You are Fallen as well," Sidious accuses when I stop to glare at him.
"At least I don't hurt people and claim I do it to help them," I throw back.
The darkness swirling around him, coupled with his yellow eyes, are unsettling, but I hold my ground. "Pain lends strength. I gave them what you did not to survive.
How quickly he brings the twins into this. As if he even cares? Fine with me. "Had it not been for you, they would never have been in that situation."
"All of which you speak of was done by the Jedi."
What, is he trying to guilt me now? "The state of the galaxy is because of the Sith alone." And if it were up to me, I would end that. The only thing holding me back is that I know Sidious would be petty enough to hurt the twins, or... or their children in the process.
He seems... amused. "The Sith may have been working on an Empire for centuries, Kenobi, but we did not create the deterioration in the Republic. We only took advantage of your mistakes."
"And that went so well," I shoot back, smugly, "Clearly, your Empire was completely sound."
"You harmed them more than I ever have." He's seriously going back to that argument now?
"Really?" I ask flatly. "Do enlighten me."
"I know what you saw them as," Sidious answers. He's angry, but he's a Sith. He's always angry. "Do you believe they ever forgot how you never desired them? They were always meant to be mine."
That's when my rage flares. Sidious took them from me, and I had thought for a time that it was permanent. And it was Sidious who did all that to our family. It was him who destroyed the Jedi, who destroyed everything. "They do not belong to you, Sith," I snarl.
"They were made by the Sith. By me."
"They were Jedi before you ever knew them –"
"You believed they were created by the Force," Sidious says smugly, "But I made them."
For a moment, I don't know how to react to that. I shouldn't even be surprised that the Sith is trying to claim something this outrageous, though. "I don't believe you," I reply flatly.
"It's true," Anakin's voice says – he'd come in so quietly I didn't even see him. "They did. Technically... the Sith did create us."
"He's obviously lying –"
"He's not."
How could Anakin possibly believe this?! "He's a Sith, Anakin."
"So are we."
I can't believe Anakin actually believes him. Then again, I don't know what's happened to him at the hands of the Sith. All I do know is that it reminds me of how they were back when they first came to the Temple. They're jittery, and they flinch if someone moves too fast or if... anything, really. And they're always so afraid. I loathe having to see it, knowing there's nothing I can do to fix it or make it right. "You don't have to be," I offer, even if I'm not entirely sure I think it's possible. It's just – Sidious took them from me, and yes, there is a very petty part of me that wants to do the same to him.
"That's not how it works," Anakin argues.
"It can be," I insist, stubbornly.
"No, it can't." Anakin moves to leave, and I follow him. That's the other thing about them that has changed. They're quiet and distant in a way they never were before.
I follow him into the room he's been staying in – it's not exactly big, considering we're in hiding, and we'll probably have to move soon, but it's currently the best we have. Personally, I think we just need to split up again so the Sith can go do whatever it is they want to do. "Anakin," I state quietly.
"I don't want to be this," he murmurs, "Neither of us do. But it's like I told you. We can't change it."
I haven't done this in so long, I don't entirely know how to. I can't say I'm not angry at him, because I am, but I... still have a hard time interacting with him. It's not anger, it's... a matter of not being with him in so long, I think.
"Only because they told you that you can't. Won't you even try?"
"There is no try. And I already know – this is something I can't do."
So much has happened and went down between us. I don't know what to say to him. It feels as though I don't know him anymore, and I hate it. He was my padawan. I raised him. How can I just... not understand him anymore? How could we have grown so far apart? How could we not have seen it? And yes, I am angry at them for... what happened, but I can't focus on that right now. "I don't believe that."
Anakin sighs softly, dragging a hand across his face. "I know. But I can't – I can't be who I once was. You know that."
I don't need the reminder. I can't be, either. I can't entirely say I want to be, but there are times that, even now, there's nothing I want more than to be able to... go back there, to when the Temple was still standing, when the Jedi were still there, when everything felt like it actually mattered.
"That doesn't mean you have to stay as a Sith," I argue, finally. I can't let the twins stay like this, especially not when this is the very thing that took them from me in the first place. I'm not going to risk it happening again. (It would be a lot easier if they would agree for us to kill Sidious. But maybe if they weren't Sith anymore...)
"You know no one can... return from the Dark Side," he objects, quietly.
Yes, of course, I know that's what the Jedi always taught, but... still. There has to be something. "You have done what everyone believed impossible before," I counter. Even if this is a little different.
"We're Sidious's apprentices, even if it were possible," Anakin argues, "We can't just... stop being that. We can't..."
"Has he hurt you?" I ask, because I have to know. From the fear I sense in him, I can't imagine it being anything else. I missed over a year in their lives, and that's a year I'll never get back. It's the year that changed everything, that... that took us apart, and I don't know how easy it'll be for us to get used to being together again.
Assuming this will last, and there's a part of me afraid it won't.
Anakin avoids my gaze, and that answers more than any verbal answer could. "Not... much. But Plagueis... did."
I could already tell from how they're acting that they must've been hurt a lot, but hearing it only makes it more... real. And it makes me angrier. "And Sidious let him," I state more than ask.
"I'm not entirely sure he had a choice."
"How could he not have?" I retort. He was literally the Emperor, and... Okay, I know Plagueis is more powerful than he is, but I do not believe there really was nothing he could've done. I don't understand how Anakin could believe that.
"All I know is that there's far more going on than we realize," Anakin replies slowly, "More than I know. Sidious himself denied it, but I could still see it."
"How do you know it wasn't a lie?"
Anakin sighs. "I have to trust my senses, Master. I know what he's done, and I can't forgive him for it either, but I... know what I've done, too, and I guess it feels like if we have a second chance, he should... at least have one. He never did before, you know? Aniya and I looked into his past. His parents were... bad."
"He was from a wealthy family," I remind.
Aniya quietly enters the room, closing the door behind her and sitting down on my other side. She stays quiet, though, nearly invisible.
"Exactly," Anakin replies, "But that doesn't mean they cared about him. Or about anyone. I don't know the details, but they were... bad. I think he... killed them when he Fell. I can't say when or how it happened, but I know that Plagueis... somehow, brought Palpatine's father – if he can really be called that – back." Aniya and I had decided to do a little research into his past, and there was very limited information about it that was anything... useful, but that was the most I could gather. The fact that his entire family died the same day in a mysterious accident more than answers what happened to them.
"That's impossible," I reply incredulously.
"I wish it was," Aniya interjects, "Except he was trying to kill us out of a mad case of vengeance. Never mind that whatever happened was his own fault."
This... is a total mess. And I don't much care about what happened. "What will you do now?" I ask finally.
"What would you have us do?" Aniya asks.
As if that matters. "Years ago, I would have done what the Jedi once did."
"Destroy the Sith?" Anakin asks, "We need to find a way to take out Plagueis, but I don't know how. And we – we already lost Qui-Gon."
To me, it already feels like he's been gone for years. Gone, not dead, but considering how it felt when I learned he Fell, this isn't far from it. Or maybe I'm still in denial, I don't know. Either way, I don't have time to stop and think about what that might mean. "The master I once knew would never have wanted that to stop us."
"We're not who we used to be," Aniya reminds pointedly, "But – maybe, we can try to find a way. Just not now. And we don't even know where to look."
"Who do we have?" Anakin inquires, "We'll have to collect everyone."
"The whole Rebellion?" I ask dryly. Silently, I hope Sidious will come, and that the Sith will get rid of each other at once. Maul, and maybe even Dooku, may not worsen the galaxy, but I know the others will.
"We need everyone we can get," Anakin promises, "He knows how to mind-control people. I don't know what he does, but I imagine he'll have many people with him, wherever he is. And we don't even know how to find him."
Years ago, that wouldn't've mattered. Now... "I don't know who all has joined the Rebellion," I reply. Even if I did, it... may not be best to tell them. "But the numbers are small."
"They're growing," Aniya replies, "Every day. I suspect Anakin and I can use our combined powers to defeat him, but I'm not ready to try that yet."
I instantly find myself remembering what I felt not long before they came, and I know why. But still... "Time is a luxury we do not have."
"We know that," Anakin points out glumly, "You don't need to remind us, Obi-Wan." He still says my name the same way. I don't know why I expected anything differently. Everything about this hurts, though.
"You're not there anymore," I point out, hesitantly reaching to touch him. I'm not comfortable with them the way I once was. I know I can't expect anything other than hostilities after considering them lost and the enemy for so long.
Anakin twitches, looking mildly surprised at the contact. There's a moment before he leans into it anyway though. "I know. It's just... hard to remember, to stop expecting that."
"And even if we're out here, even if we're not on Coruscant, we're still not safe," Aniya adds, voice laced with bitterness.
It was so easy, really, to pretend they weren't hurt as much as everyone else. But seeing them now, I can no longer deny it. They may have done what they did, but they still saw the Jedi as their... home. Or at least, they did at one point, even if I'm not sure that's true after Aniya was expelled. I found myself losing trust in the Council at the same time, too.
"But you are safe now," I tell them finally, because I think they need to hear. I don't know. "You can free yourselves."
"From Sidious?" Aniya guesses, "I wish I could tell you it could be that way."
"If it's not, it's because you're choosing for it not to be."
"We're here because he let us come here. If we betray him, he'll hurt you."
I glance at Anakin again. "Not if we finish it first."
"We already talked about this," Aniya grumbles, "Shouldn't there be something more important for us to worry about? We can deal with Sidious after Plagueis isn't a problem. Right now, Sidious is our only hope of stopping him. I don't think he's going to give up the Sith's plans, even if it means he becomes Emperor now himself."
"Oh, unless Maul gets there first," Anakin interjects.
I sincerely wish Qui-Gon and I had killed Maul when we first fought him on Naboo. It would've saved the galaxy a lot of problems.
"I still can't believe you've been with Maul all this time," I state flatly.
"At least we weren't alone," Anakin argues, "Because that would've been... very difficult."
He has a point.
"Alright, but I'm still not grateful to him if you expect me to be."
Aniya snorts a laugh. "I don't expect you to be."
Some things, at least, never change.
Anakin leans over, lightly resting his forehead on my shoulder. It's familiar, and it sends a stab of longing through me. I reach out for him, and Anakin takes my hand with his right one. It looks like it did before, back before he lost it, and seeing it again is... jarring.
It reminds me of things lost so long ago, it feels like they were never anything more than dreams.
Except right here is a solid reminder of what we used to be, back when he was my padawan and we didn't have to worry about the galaxy and the Sith and everything that we became so used to during the war.
"I miss it too," Anakin murmurs, "And I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to. We tried to stop it."
I can't tell him it's fine, because it's not, and nor could it ever be, but I... think I can accept this.
Aniya scoots closer, curling up against me, and at least for the moment, I can just let us... be, without worrying about the future, the galaxy, the Sith, anything.
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