Today went from really rather nice to utterly wretched. I picked Bella up for school and we had a perfectly pleasant morning of calculus tests and gym class. I did not have gym, but Bella did… I should probably ask if it is now ok to take a look as she disrobes, I mean, she did show me her [redacted] before, so perhaps now I am allowed to watch while she changes for gym. I would relish the opportunity! My loins are well and truly primed.

After much musing on this issue on my part and a small venom burn through the crotch of my pants (thank you, long t-shirt, my faithful friend), I had just biology with the freshly showered Bella to while away before lunchtime. She smelled absolutely heavenly; a subtle blend of strawberry shampoo and thriftway brand hand soap, with just a dash of locker room mildew clinging around the ankles.

Lunchtime was excellent, Bella put her hand on my thigh by accident and I found that most rousing!

I can't remember what we did for the rest of the day as I was occupied with replaying a super slow motion loop of the side of Bella's right palm and her little finger making contact with my vastus lateralis.

Before I knew it we were back at Bella's snuggled up on the couch, watching telenovelas and gazing into each other's eyes. After a short 2 ½ hours of gazing, we were interrupted by Charlie, home for a hasty dinner before heading back to the station for another shift. I made my exit, promising to return promptly for Bella's 9pm bedtime, as usual.

My plan to hunt went exceptionally well, the deer practically leapt into my mouth, meaning the tank was full, so to speak, in record time. I found I had a spare 30m and decided to surprise Bella by returning a little early.

I had hoped for a kiss upon my arrival, what occurred was more like a slap in the face. I approached the house and could hear some hissing. I knew Bella must have been letting it out in private. How adorable her little human hisses were! I crept up to peek through the window undetected and found

She was in the bathroom, so I sat on the rocking chair and waited patiently. I am very good at waiting quietly. Esme says so.

I could hear Bella in the bathroom, she seemed to be having some bother and was hissing a lot at the mirror. There was the unmistakable rhythm of some scuttling and a hissed declaration stating 'This is the skin of a killer!'.

I racked my brains; had Bella auditioned for a play I did not know about? Was there a new 'rap' song out that she was mimicking?

Alas, my bewilderment drew to a screeching halt when Bella casually walked through the door, naked from the waist up and covered from navel to hairline in a thickly caked layer of rainbow body glitter. Bella's scintillating hand clutched her phone, from which she was shining the flashlight onto herself, making her skin sparkle in what was unmistakably her best approximation of my accursed flesh sparkling in the sunlight.

The most horrendous sight before me caused me to shriek. Bella wasn't expecting me for another half an hour, so she also shrieked. There was a rapid volley of shrieks, until mine turned to wails and sobs and I fell out of the rocking chair onto the carpet of Bella's bedroom. She looked the very image of pale death! Just like a corpse! My beloved appeared as if touched by the grim reaper himself! I could not stand the image of her lifeless skin, unblushing, gruesome and holographic.

Words cannot describe how horrid the impression was.

After much wailing, Bella eventually went to rinse off the filthy death mask. When she returned, resurrected, if still marred by glitter, a pox upon her fair skin, an awkward conversation ensued.

"Edward, I wasn't expecting you. You caught me by surprise."

"Sweetheart, what on earth were you doing?"

"Um, nothing special."

"You were pretending to be dead." I admit I shrieked this part.

"Not dead, just like you."

"Why would you want to make yourself look ugly and dead like me?" My wailing was hard to decipher, but Bella did an excellent job after asking me to repeat myself twice and giving me a cuddle.

"I just thought, you know, maybe one day if I became like you…"

My weeping redoubled, "For the love of all that is holy- WHY? You must know I would never, ever allow that to happen Bella. I cannot imagine anything worse."

"You don't…you don't want me to be like you? I thought, maybe… Well, never mind. I'm sorry I upset you Edward. I wasn't making fun of you, I promise."

"You must not tempt fate like that darling, please swear you shan't. Let us never speak of this cursed incident ever again, my love."

"Ok, ok! I won't cover myself in glitter again. So…the entire topic is closed for good then?"

"Yes. And good riddance to it!"

"I see."

Bella became quite reflective and taciturn at this point. She got into bed and fell asleep with little further comment actually. I think it must have been because she had specks of accursed glitter everywhere. I have had a VERY busy night with the lint roller, let me tell you! She is now glitter free on her unclothed areas on her right side. I shall rotate her soon and begin again on the left.

I love her so much, why oh why would she ever imagine herself in such an unholy and accursed state? I simply cannot fathom it.

Curses! Why can't I just read her mind? It is utterly impossible to know what she is thinking, there is not a single clue.

Commenters get to be lint rolled by Edward, AND rotated.

Thanks for all your reviews, comments, love and support. I am so very grateful to all my readers.

For N- I hope this brings a little *sparkle* to your day. Scuttles xxxxx