XXX

Luo Binghe watched as his husband re-attempted to complete some paperwork the next morning. He was pretty sure that Shen Qingqiu hadn't actually written a word, considering that he had forgotten to grind his ink.

Last night, Yue Qingyuan told him what happened, or at least, he told him more than his husband had been able to. As far as they knew, Shen Qingqiu fell asleep, had another one of those confusing nightmares, and ended up having a qi deviation, during which he accidentally tore up his arms with his fingernails. Unfortunately, Luo Binghe wasn't exactly surprised. His husband was already prone to qi deviations, and with the way he'd been for so long now, it was really only a matter of time before he had another. Really, it was surprising it hadn't happened sooner.

He would have preferred it happen when he was at least able to be there by his side, though.

His heart squeezed in his chest as he thought about the state his Shizun was in, as he couldn't stand seeing him like this. Shen Qingqiu hadn't looked so bad even while he was dead, so to see him like this now was enough to break his heart. He just wanted his husband to be well again, but he didn't really understand why he was like this in the first place. Shen Qingqiu had always been so strong and unbothered, even through everything they'd gone through, so why had he changed? What had made him so sick like this?

A while ago, Shang Qinghua explained to him that he theorized that Shen Qingqiu really hadn't been as fine and unbothered as he'd appeared, and now that he wasn't consumed with 'survival mode', as the man had put it, it had all caught up with him. Essentially, he was facing all the consequences now rather than when these things happened. A follow-up conversation with Mu Qingfang confirmed that this was most likely the case. Unfortunately, that same conversation was the one in which Mu Qingfang explained to him that there was only so much they could do if Shen Qingqiu didn't cooperate with them. The medicine and cleansing of his meridians could only help a little, and with Shen Qingqiu bottling everything up, he was unlikely to improve. According to the Qian Cao Peak Lord, Shen Qingqiu seemed to be trying to run away from the past that was haunting him, and his refusal to face it was just keeping him from moving past it.

Luo Binghe couldn't exactly blame his husband for not wanting to face it, though, considering that it seemed like, every time he did, he would become incredibly upset.

He wished Shen Qingqiu would just allow him to enter his dreamscape. If he could do that, he might be able to help settle the memories, at least- fade them a little so they didn't seem quite so fresh anymore. But his husband had adamantly refused, insisting that it wasn't necessary. Really, Luo Binghe was just pretty sure that Shen Qingqiu didn't want him to see the memories that were tormenting him. And yes, Luo Binghe understood that his Shizun was a very private person, that he held his thoughts and feelings close to his chest, and usually, Luo Binghe would respect that. He loved his husband for who he was, and his need for privacy was a part of him. But for something like this, something that was causing him so much suffering, couldn't he allow his husband in enough that he would be able to help him?

He let out a breath and shifted closer to the man, leaning his head on his shoulder.

Shen Qingqiu flinched.

"Binghe?" he questioned. "What are you doing?"

He wrapped his arms around his husband.

"I love you," he told him. "I love you so much I can't stand it."

Despite his heavy heart, he couldn't help reveling in the blush that rose up on Shen Qingqiu's cheeks.

"… I love you too," the man spoke quickly, bashful. "But I do need to finish some of this."

"It's alright if you can't," Luo Binghe told him.

His husband scoffed.

"It's not," he disagreed. "I feel like I took care of more of my duties while I wasn't even on Cang Qiong than I'm doing now while I'm here. It's ridiculous."

"Shizun, you're ill."

"I should still be able to do this. I want to be able to do this," Shen Qingqiu grumbled. "Doing nothing doesn't help. It just lets me get caught up in my head."

"Hmm," Luo Binghe hummed. "I know. But we can do something else for a while, if you'd like. You don't have to stay in the bamboo house all the time."

Shen Qingiu tensed in his arms.

"It's fine. Maybe we can take a walk after I finish this."

"Alright, Shizun," Luo Binghe agreed with a sigh, releasing his husband from the hug.

He knew they were probably not going to end up taking that walk. It wasn't as though Shen Qingqiu never went outside anymore, but he had certainly been preferring to remain isolated within the house more often than not. Luo Binghe first assumed that it was his pride again, not wanting his disciples to see him like this, especially while he was having such a hard time hiding it, but he wasn't sure if that was the only reason. When they did go out, his Shizun appeared to be uneasy, and he frequently checked their surroundings, as if he thought they were in danger.

Luo Binghe wanted to pull his husband into another hug, pull him away from his work, but he held himself back. Shen Qingqiu told him he wanted to finish his papers, so Luo Binghe would let him.

XXX

One day, Luo Binghe woke up to find his husband, who apparently hadn't ever joined him in bed, standing in the middle of the room. He had his back to him, and for some reason, he was holding Xiu Ya.

"Shizun, what are you doing?" Luo Binghe questioned as he sat up.

His husband didn't answer, so the demon lord got up and went over to him, placing a hand on one of his shoulders.

"Shizun?"

He guessed that this was probably another one of Shen Qingqiu's staring episodes, but it was strange, because he usually didn't stand up for those, and he also usually wasn't holding his sword.

The muffled sound of dripping caught his attention, and upon looking downward, Luo Binghe caught the sight of red droplets dotting the floor. His first thought was that Shen Qingqiu, in his detachment, had accidentally cut himself with his sword, but as he circled to his husband's front, it became clear that this was not the case.

Because Shen Qingqiu was bleeding, but not from a cut.

He was bleeding from his nose and eyes, crimson tears staining his cheeks as they moved to join their brethren on the floor.

Luo Binghe could feel an immediate thump in his chest as the concern for his husband overtook his heart.

This was bad.

Very bad.

"Shizun, can you hear me?" Luo Binghe questioned. "We need to get you to Mu Qingfang, okay?"

Shen Qingqiu, apparently, was able to hear him, but Luo Binghe couldn't tell if he understood. His only response was to tilt his head and blink at him. Whether he understood or not, this was clearly a medical emergency, and his Shizun had to get to a healer as soon as possible regardless.

He moved to pick Shen Qingqiu up, thinking it would probably be easier than trying to make him walk outside, but the peak lord's reaction to this was more violent than to his husband's question. He backed up quickly, smearing some of his blood across the floor, and held up his sword. He looked up at Luo Binghe with fearful eyes. Clearly, he was confused again, and for whatever reason, his confusion was making him think of his husband as a threat.

"Shizun, you're okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Luo Binghe reassured him. "I'm trying to help. You need to see Mu-shishu."

When Shen Qingqiu didn't answer him, Luo Binghe took a step forward. Shen Qingqiu took a step back.

"Stay. Away."

His grip on his sword tightened, and Luo Binghe forced back the hurt he felt at those words and his Shizun's behavior. He knew that Shen Qingqiu wasn't trying to hurt him, that the man probably didn't even understand what was happening at the moment. He knew that his husband never meant what he said during a qi deviation, so Luo Binghe didn't need to take it to heart. Even still, he hated that his husband looked so much like he did on the day he shoved him into the Abyss.

He tried to take another step, but this time, Shen Qingqiu held the sword out in warning, and Luo Binghe was pretty certain that his Shizun would deliver on his silent threat if he kept trying to get closer. Of course, Luo Binghe would probably be able to disarm him rather easily, but he didn't want to end up hurting or scaring him.

Just as he considered whether it would be better to leave the man alone for a minute while he found someone to go summon Mu Qingfang to Qing Ding Peak, Shen Qingqiu dashed past him and ran outside.

"Shizun!"

Luo Binghe immediately followed after him, chiding himself for not grabbing him before he ran out. Once outside, he found that Shen Qingqiu was hesitating in front of Ning Yingying, thankfully not too close to her even though he did seem to be prepared to use his sword if that changed. Her own eyes fearful as well, the woman turned toward him.

"A-Luo, what's going on? What's wrong with Shizun?"

"A qi deviation again," Luo Binghe answered as he tried to creep closer without Shen Qingqiu noticing. "Don't get close to him. Could you run to get Mu-Shishu?"

Ning Yingying glanced back at their Shizun, who was looking at her with even more fear than she directed toward him, before nodding.

"I'll be as quick as I can," she agreed, getting onto her sword to fly over to Qian Cao Peak.

Unfortunately, her departure allowed Shen Qingqiu's attention to refocus itself on Luo Binghe, and he ran away again before he could catch him. With a small sigh, Luo Binghe began to give chase, not for the first time.

The two of them ran through the bamboo forest until they reached a small clearing with a large wall of rock blocking the direction they'd been running in, at which point Shen Qingqiu turned around and sent out a slash with his sword, cornered as he was. Had Luo Binghe not been a demon lord, he would have been blown off his feet. Even still, he had to dig his toes into the earth to keep from being pushed back. He was pretty sure, at least, that Shen Qingqiu wasn't really trying to hurt him, either, as the goal of his attack did seem to be more focused on keeping him away rather than trying to inflict damage. If he had wanted to hurt him, he wouldn't be trying to run.

The condition that Luo Binghe really didn't want to harm a hair on his husband's head made this more difficult, though, as the easiest way to keep him from running away would probably be to do something to his legs since, even if Luo Binghe grabbed him, he might escape the hold before Mu Qingfang got there. But, since this was his husband, grabbing him was probably the best option here, even if he would have to throw the idea of not scaring him either out the window. Given the circumstances, he was pretty sure there wasn't anything he could do that wouldn't scare him, and he was going to have to prioritize keeping him safe.

He still needed to disarm him, though, as he had no illusions about his husband's strength. He may be a bit weaker with his illness, and Luo Binghe was the stronger of the two by now, but there was a reason Shen Qingqiu was a peak lord. He was more than capable of doing some damage, whether to someone else or himself. Not knowing what exactly was going through his head, Luo Binghe couldn't be sure what his husband currently was or was not willing to do.

He sighed. He was probably going to have to charge him and grab the sword out of his hand while trying to not get cut and not grab too hard, lest he accidentally break the man's wrist.

"Shizun, can you understand me right now?" Luo Binghe asked him.

He was pretty sure at this point that words weren't going to do anything, but he wasn't actually trying to get the man to respond. He was just trying to distract him enough to let him get a little closer before he ran at him.

Shen Qingqiu's eyes were darting around, apparently looking for the best direction to try to escape in. He wasn't taking any more steps back, as he knew he would end up with his back against the wall and inhibiting his movement. His only options were to dash left or right, Luo Binghe knew. A 50/50 chance that the demon lord didn't want to mess up on.

"You're safe here. Nothing is going to hurt you."

He noticed that his husband's foot shifted the slightest bit toward the right. He moved another step forward.

"I know you're scared, but I promise you don't have to be. I don't break my promises, do I?"

His eyes looked left, lingering for a moment before looking right again.

"It's going to be okay."

Shen Qingqiu was breathing heavily, and even more blood began to flow out of his face. His weight shifted, and Luo Binghe took that as the signal to run forward.

He moved right at the same time his husband did, and within a few seconds, he forced the sword out of his husband's grip, tossed it away, and wrapped his arms around him to keep him from running off again. As he expected, Shen Qingqiu began to struggle and scream, though he wasn't saying anything. Rather, he was just yelling noises as he tried to break free. His blood smeared onto the front of Luo Binghe's robes, and his breath came out in shuddered gasps.

"You're okay, Shizun. You're okay. You're safe." Luo Binghe continued to comfort him even as he had to tighten his hold to keep his husband within his grasp.

He was reminded of the last time his husband ran out while having a panic attack, similar, but this was so much worse. Last time, his husband wasn't bleeding from a qi deviation, and even if it took some time, his comfort eventually reached the man's ears. This time, he appeared to be inconsolable.

And then suddenly, the thrashing stopped.

Only to be quickly replaced by a different movement as his husband began to seize.

Loosening his hold enough to check on the man, Luo Binghe quickly realized that his husband's movement had become entirely involuntary, the qi deviation progressing further. At this point, Luo Binghe was strongly considering trying to treat the qi deviation now, because he didn't even know when Mu Qingfang would arrive on the peak, let alone if he would be able to find them, but he didn't want to risk his demonic qi making it even worse.

After a minute, while Luo Binghe was still trying to decide what to do, Shen Qingqiu suddenly went still. In fear, Luo Binghe quickly grabbed his wrist and checked his pulse, and the relief at finding one almost made him collapse.

Making up his mind, Luo Binghe lifted his husband into his arms and began to walk back to the bamboo house, hoping that Mu Qingfang would be there, or at least close by.

He hugged his husband close to his chest and allowed a few tears to roll down his own cheeks as he walked.

XXX