Chapter 46 – Tea at the Library

22 April, 2010

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Hermione Granger

"We have one more stop." I look over at Sandalphon and he is now dressed in a blue ornate waistcoat with tails and tan pants. He is wearing a white wig with a ponytail in the back.

I ask, "Are you dressed as Mozart?"

He nods, "I miss that perverted little man. Put your arms around my waist and bury your face in my chest. You're going to hate this next part."

I look at him and comply. I bury my face in his chest and he says, "Close your eyes."

I feel like I've been lifted. It's similar to a portkey sensation. I don't dare open my eyes. I know we are speeding through space and I'm terrified what I'll see. Within a couple of minutes we land, and he says, "You can let go and open your eyes, Mia."

I slowly open my eyes and we are in a field of unidentifiable flowers of every color. The sky is blue here and the field seems to go forever in every direction.

I look up at Sandy and he is smiling at me. "Where are we?" I ask.

He smiles. "We will have visitors soon."

After he says that a woman appears. She is wearing a white gown and she has a soft mint green glow. Her hair is black and her eyes are a deep blue. "Sandalphon, you know you can't bring living beings here."

He laughs, "Lailah, you know just as well as I do, that is subjective. Besides, Gaia says I get to do whatever I want."

She looks at him sternly and closes her eyes. After a few minutes she sighs, "Very well. I will speak to you about this later, this highly against protocol. She may have everything seeks. You know what to do."

Sandy smiles at the woman and says, "Thank you Lailah, as always it's been a pleasure." He then bows to her, and she fades away.

Everything I seek? A hall? Am I going to a library of some sort? Where have I seen the name Lailah recently? Fuck! Lailah and The Guf, she is in charge of The Guf, the soul farm.

I look at Sandy, "Why would you bring me to The Guf?"

He takes my hand, "Because my dear, you need to reconcile your past before you can move forward. You tend to overthink things and ignore what is in front of you. You have the Resurrection Stone, you have Ophelia's journals, and all her memories. You have been avoiding all of those and hanging on to anger and guilt from your past. It is time you face it, so you can move forward. I know everything thing about you. I know your joy, your fears, and your insecurities. I know why you don't sleep, and I know why you drown yourself in work. I know why you are hurting, allow me to give you the peace you need to move on. You are extremely stubborn, therefore we need to take need extreme measures so you are able to move forward. Don't you feel lighter after seeing Sirius?"

I take a deep breath. He's right I do feel lighter. Seeing Sirius healthy, happy, and alive was a weight off my chest I never thought I would get a chance to experience. "You're right. Let's go."

He smiles, "Close your eyes."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and he says, "Thank you, now open them."

I open my eyes and I'm in a large very bright room. There is nothing in theis room, but extremely bright light. I turn to Sandy to question it, but he is just standing there. He looks at me and smiles. I look around the room again and shapes start to take form. Slowly I recognize walls and the floor begins to take shape. Shapes begin to form shrouded in bright light. Slowly the light fades like a fog and I recognize where we are. I realize I'm in a library that appears to be a combination of Hogwart's library and Harvard's magical library. Shapes are slowly taking shape and a cream colored sofa appears behind me. Sandy looks at me and says, "I'll be back."

I take a seat on the sofa and watch as the library starts to take form. It's the rich wood of Harvard's library with walls of stone like Hogwarts. The stacks are thirty foot high and there is a blue floral stained glass roof. The windows are arched shaped with the same stained glass floral design. A blue and cream rug appears under my feet and a seating arrangement appears around me including another sofa and two arm chairs. A tea table appears with a complete tea with eight cups, and a three-tiered curate full of food for tea time. I pick up the tea pot and smell chamomile tea, my favorite.

I set the tea pot down and behind me I hear, "The only person to have their happy place in a library would be you, Granger."

I turn around and walking towards me in a dark gray leather jacket, beige turtleneck, and black jeans is none other than Fred Weasley. I feel the tears forming in my eyes and he hops over the sofa pulls me into a hug.

"Fred, how is this possible?"

He laughs, "Magic. Though when I died I landed in Weasley's Wizard Whizzes. You aren't dead though, but if you did die it would look much like this."

I sigh, "I'm so sorry you died. I wanted to go back and save you."

He laughs, "Merlin Granger, if you did something as idiotic as use the time-turner to save me and died, I'd never forgive you. I would have spent my life trying to resurrect you so I could have Avada'd you myself. Death isn't an end, it's only the beginning. There's things I miss; Quidditch, George, you, mum's roast, but I don't regret anything."

I look in his smiling eyes, "I always thought since your mother blamed me, that you would too."

He laughs, "Nah, you saved little ickle Ronniekins life a few times. I can't begrudge you saving him even though he was and will always be an utter git."

I laugh, "Yes, I suppose he is. He and I stopped being friends years ago. George was always a good friend to me."

He smiles, "You know he was half in love with you."

I laugh, "He said the same about you."

He smirks, "Yes, great minds and all that. He wasn't wrong, but I knew you always fancied poncy blond gits. I thought you might have a degradation kink. Turns out the wanker was your soulmate all the while."

Did he just admit to being half in love with me? I shake my head, "That's what I've been told, Draco being my soulmate, I mean. How do you know?"

He laughs, "Being dead is boring. There's not much to do other than reflect on your life. My life was amazing and there's not much to reflect on. It would have been nice if was a bit longer, but I'll get another chance soon enough. When there's nothing to do you can watch the ones who are still living and learn from their mistakes. I've kept tabs on those who mean the most, George, Ginny, and you. When I died I was greeted by my uncles whom I never met, but they seemed to know me quite well. It was quite bizarre. I get to watch over the oned I loved in life, and in 104 years when George joins me, we will be born again. I can't very well go through the hassle of living again if George isn't with me, now can I?"

I frown, "He misses you, everyday. He named his son after you, but still won't call him Fred."

He smiles, "Freddie is a new soul, he and I had quite a good time before he was born. He is going to enjoy life to the fullest."

I smile at him and I'm about to speak when I hear, "Wotcher Granger!"

I turn around and Tonks and Remus are close to the sitting area. I stand up and hug Tonks. Remus laughs, "Hermione, it's good to see you." He takes me in his arms and hugs me tight.

I start crying. "I'm so sorry. I miss you both so much. I've been a shit godmother to Teddy. I have failed you both so much."

Tonks laughs, "'Mione, you haven't failed anyone. In fact, I'm quite sure you are have taken the entire world by storm. Teddy has never gone without hearing from you. You made more of an impact on him than you think."

I look at her, and fuck she's still amazing. "I wish I could have saved you both."

She dries my eyes with her hands, "Bad things happen to wizards who mess with time. I died protecting you. I'd do it again, yeah? Death isn't the tragic ending you believe it to be. We die and come to this beautiful place and can see our lives, relive the good parts, and if you're a good person, it's quite lovely. In life you were the sister of my heart, and I would fight for you again. If you have a Deity willing to bring you here, you are quite special. Of course we can't share all the secrets of the universe, but we can tell you death is just as beautiful as life."

I look at Remus, and I notice the gray in his hair is gone and all the scars are missing from his left cheek. He smiles, "There's no effects of the full moon in the after life. Hermione, you have always taken on more than you need to. This guilt you carried for the last twelve years weighs your soul. I know because I always blamed myself for James, Lily, and Sirius' deaths. Just like falling through the Veil, death is not an ending, but a beginning. One day all of us will be reborn, and take lessons of our other lives with us to begin again. I hope this journey lightens your soul, because I love you too much to want you to live with a weighted heart. You're too good for that. You're the closest I ever had to my own daughter and I want more for you."

I hug them both again, "Would you care to have a seat with Fred and I?"

Tonks looks at the tea table, "Are those cucumber sandwiches?"

I nod and laugh, and we take a seat. I ask, "How long will we have to visit?"

Remus and Tonks look at each other, and Remus says, "There is no time here, Hermione. Hours fade into days and days to years. I feel I died yesterday, this body is my projection of what I remember. Your soul is pure energy. Your journey in death can take days or centuries. Though you are much alive, I believe you are here to lift the weights you carry in your life. Guilt, hate, deceit, and regret weighs down your energy. Those who learn to let those things rule their souls have a much longer time letting it go in the afterlife. However, those who love, forgive, and show remorse are much freer when they die. Once you are free and your soul recharges, you are able to embrace a new life. It's up to each individual soul when that time comes. Some enjoy this afterlife and choose to go back less than others. Tonks has lived 57 lives, I have lived 26, and Fred has lived 18. Once you die, you learn of all your lives, but once you are reborn, you are given a clean slate. Though some things carry on with us in forms of irrational fears, phobias, or strong convictions."

I take a deep breath. "I thank all three of you for allowing me to see you. I have missed each of you so much. I felt responsible for your deaths. I always wished I could have prevented them and always resented Andromeda and Viola for forbidding me to go. They of course were right, but I thought I could have done more."

Tonks smiles, "Well, you couldn't have prevented fate, 'Mione. None of us blame you for our lives ending when they did. We love you. We wouldn't be here if we didn't have a bond with you in life." She looks behind me and continues, "We aren't the only ones here who love you."

I turn around where she is looking and walking towards us is a young woman with long honey brown hair, and golden brown eyes. She's quite short like myself, and is wearing a flowy green dress and a emerald tiara. I take a deep breath. It's Ophelia.

I get up and wait for her to walk to me. I fold my arms and watch her approach. I feel numb seeing her. I have so many unresolved feelings about her. When she gets closer she transforms into a older woman like she was in Theo's memories. She smiles at me and says, "Mia. You have grown to be such a beautiful woman. I couldn't be prouder of all you have accomplished. I'm so sorry for withholding your identity for so long. I loved you too much to hurt you more than I have."

I don't know how to feel about her. I am angry with her, yet she was a constant in my life and I loved all of her forms. Mina was a constant as I was growing up. Piano lessons, ballet, gardening, and books, that is how I remember her. She had dinner with us. She went on vacations with us. She was always there. She was close as a grandparent should be. I always thought of her as a grandmother figure in my life. As Viola she was encouraging, boosted my confidence, and was praising as a mentor. Viola would take me shopping and encourage me to act my age. She always had banoffee pies stocked, and introduced me to Thai and Indian foods. She was a stern tutor, and demanded perfection from me, which I loved.

I don't know what to say to her. I have so many questions, and so many feelings all at once. I simply say, "I viewed the memories in the chest. Draco brought them for me to view."

She smirks, "I knew that would work. I knew he would find you once he knew my sins. Though I didn't feel much regret for ridding the world of that poison. Remorse has come to be very difficult for me to embrace. I'm not very sorry for any of it. I am sorry for not telling you about myself sooner. I didn't want to change you. You believe and identify as a muggle-born. I felt your confidence would take a hit if you learned that wasn't quite true. I could have been wrong, but I loved you too much to risk it. I did all I could to make a better Britain for you. There was never an action I took that I didn't think of you."

As Mina and Viola, I loved her. They were both essential parts of my life. Though I didn't know her as Ophelia, I loved her my whole life. "Ophelia, Grandmother, I wish we had time while you were still alive. It would have been nice to have family. I want so much to be angry with you. I want to hate you and turn my back on you. I can't. You were right to let me discover the truth the way you did. I understand your reasons. I loved Mina and Viola. I've missed them and mourned them. I forgive you because my love for them was unconditional."

She grabs me and for the first time I am able to hug my grandmother. I feel a lightness I never knew I had in me. She pulls back, "Thank you, and call me Grandma. I love you so much!"

I look at her and say, "I love you too, Grandma. Thank you for always being part of my life. Thank you all you have taught me. Thank you for being there in so many unexpected ways. I'm sorry for ever thinking the worst of you. When you died, I was quite infuriated with the thought I had a grandmother I never met. I did know you, and I should have recognized how much Mina and Viola were alike. Why didn't you reach out to me as Ophelia? I did know you as Draco's godmother, couldn't that have been a reason to reach out to me?"

She frowns. "I knew you wanted to work at the Ministry and help the magical creatures. I never wanted to interfere with your dreams. When I found out that business with Draco, I wanted to give you time to heal from your heartache before I offered you a job at DG Potions. I planned on reaching out the First of September in 1999 with a lucrative job offer, but you had already left. I found you within a couple of weeks, and knew you were attending Harvard Magical University. My plans changed to make all the changes to Wizarding Society by the time you graduated university, which I did. Then you set out to change the world, and I couldn't deprive you of your dreams. Mia Granger changed the world. She's a household name and the most famous witch in the world. Your dreams exceeded all my mundane plan for you. I couldn't let the most famous muggle-born in the world have an identity crisis, now could I?"

I laugh, "I suppose you are right. Though I never ask for the celebrity status."

She tucks a curl behind my ear the way Mina used to do and smiles at me, "My sweet girl, you were born to shine. I see a tea setting. I miss tea, shall we take advantage of the tea service while I have still have a body?"

I nod, "Tea would be lovely."

We take a seat with Tonks, Remus, and Fred, I look at the tea service and realize there are eight cups "Why are there eight servings?"

Remus runs his hands through his hair and raises one eye brow. I feel my heart speed up because I know. I turn around and Sandy appears with two people. The man is tall with bushy honey brown hair in a afro style from the 1970's. He's younger than I have every seen him. His golden brown eyes are smiling at me. His 6'2" stature is lean and fit. He's holding a hand of woman with raven hair and cerulean blue eyes. Her heart-shaped face, petite nose, and full lips with a perfect cupid's bow are the only features I inherited from her.

They both look at me and smile. I stand not knowing what to do and close my eyes to hold back the tears. When I open them, they are just how I remembered them the last day I saw them. He's 63 now with shorter hair style gray on the sides, and she is 55 with her hair in a chignon with visible gray strips along her temples. Her crinkled eyes and laugh lines more prominent, she smiles at me, and my heart hurts for them.

I walk to them and cross my arms. I feel so much guilt for how they died, not knowing they even had a daughter. For using magic against them to try to save them. I've held the fear that they would hate me so long I can't form words.

My dad smiles, and looks to mum, she grins. Dad says, "Hi there Pumpkin Puff, aren't you a sight to behold?"

I burst in to tears and run to him and hug him with all my love. He always called me Pumpkin, but when my hair started to grow and become a life of it's own when I was about six, he started calling me Pumpkin Puff. He always smelled of coffee, mint antiseptic mouthwash, and musk cologne. I never thought, I'd ever be allowed this chance. How do they not hate me. I look at my mum and wrap my arms around her. She smells like home, Sheppard's Pie, roses, and Chanel No. 5. Dad wraps his arms around the both of us and I'm crying so hard, I feel a panic attack coming on. Sandy walks over and mum and dad hand me to him.

I have missed them so much and though I know they are still gone, just seeing them again is too much. I have never forgiven myself for them dying. I think of them daily. My off is filled with photos of us. There's a photo of the two of them in the hospital holding me as a baby. A photo of us at a beach in South France when I was six and missing my two front teeth. A photo of the three of us riding an elephant during our safari in Africa. I am crying so hard I can't breathe. Sandy takes his hands and place them on each side of my head, "Hermione, breathe."

I feel a calming presence rush over me as if I've taken a calming draught. I have too many emotions right now, but I feel a second rush of calmness and I settle my breathing. Sandy smiles, "Shhhh, it's alright, breathe." I take a deep breath and look at him. He now has very curly hair to his mid chest. It's teased past his shoulders and he has heavy black eyeliner and black lipstick on. He dressed in a ripped black band t-shirt and red leather pants.

I laugh, "Hair bands were a mistake, Sandy."

He smirks and says, "There she is."

I look at Mum and Dad, and say, "I'm so sorry. I know you must hate me. I only wanted to protect you."

Mum takes my hand, "Shhh, none of that. You are the most precious person to us. We could never hate you."

Dad laughs, "Besides, your meddlesome grandmother put protections on our minds when she obliviated us. When you tried your memory charm, it didn't hold. We came to our senses a couple of hours after you left. We knew you must have had a good reason to try to erase yourself from our lives. We got our affairs in order and decided a nice vacation to Australia was in order. We just didn't quite make it to the aeroport. You did everything to protect us, Mia. I made the mistake of not calling Hester and taking us immediately to Dagworth Castle. It is the safest place in Great Britain. We thought we would be fine going to the aeroport because it was muggle. We were followed without our knowing. You are not responsible for what happened to us. We both love you with all we are and are so proud of the brilliant, successful woman you have become. You have nothing to apologize for."

I take a deep cleansing breath. It feels like the first deep breath I've taken for years. I've spent the last twelve years feeling responsible for the death of my parents, Remus, Tonks, and Fred. The guilt was crushing, and I thought these people I loved so much hated me for not saving them. I look at my parents and then back at the other four people watching the scene unfold. I see them tearing up and the reality of the situation crushes me. These people loved me in life. They were my family. You always hurt the ones you love the most, but despite everything, they love me. They don't blame me for their deaths. I feel lighter, like the load on my heart had been relieved. The guilt I felt, was such a hindrance to me.

I look back to my parents, and say, "I love you both so much. A day hasn't gone by that I don't think of you both and miss you."

Mum takes my hand, "We are always with you, Sweetheart. When you worry, we worry for you, when you celebrate, we celebrate with you, and when you are lost we are always in your heart."

I look at Sandy and say, "Thank you for giving me this. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I do have a question though." He smirks at me and motions for me to ask. "Couldn't the Resurrection Stone be able to allow me to speak with all of them?"

He smiles, "Of course, but you can't hug an apparation. This is much more personal. Plus we have tea."

He walks over to the seating area and takes a seat in the other chair, and says, "Cucumber sandwiches really are divine, are they not?"

I look to my parents and mum says, "Come on love. We don't have much time. You have a date in a few hours, and you must get back to living your life."

In a few hours? I left with Sandy early Thursday morning. My date isn't until Friday. How long have I been gone? I look in mum's eyes and smile, "I love you, mum. I don't know what I ever did to deserve the opportunity to tell you in person, but all I ever wanted was the chance to tell you and dad one last time."

Both of my parents pull me into a group hug like they did when I was little, and I close my eyes and relish the moment to commit the memory.

Dad says, "You have a big job ahead of you. Sometimes big measures are needed for big results. You need to heal from your grief and guilt so you can experience life to it's fullest. I know of no one who gets this experience, but my Mia, when you go back, remember grief is only for the living. We only celebrate our time we were privileged enough to live, and look forward to our next stage."

I smile at him, "Thank you, Daddy."

He wraps his arm around me, "Now let's go join everyone who loves you," He looks at the seating area and sneers, "and Ginger Frank Sinatra and have some tea."

We head to the seating area and I sit on the sofa with my parents, and Sandy who is now dressed as Frank Sinatra complete with a blue suit and matching trilby hat.

After we were all served tea, I ask Sandy, "When Harry said he died, he said it landed him at King's Cross and he spoke with Dumbledore. Why would he not be met by his parents or Remus?"

Remus answers, "Harry still had a job to finish. If he was met by his family, do you think he would have wanted to return?"

I frown, "I suppose not, but wasn't Albus Dumbledore a bad person. He clearly was bigoted, chauvinistic, and power hungry, are there no consequences to your actions while alive?"

They all get uncomfortable and look at each other and then look to Sandy. Sandy clears his throat, and says, "It wasn't Albus Dumbledore. It was someone impersonating Albus. Remember the 18,000 Deities who were banned from Earth that were written about in the History of Deities?" I nod, and he continues, "They have a their own planet souls can go when they die. Those souls are punished until they learn how to be remorseful, loving, and humbled."

Hmmm. "How is that determined? Ophelia is responsible for killing hundreds. How is she here?"

Sandy sighs, "Because the good she did in life outweighed the wrong. Her motives were unselfish. It's not the sin that is punished, it's the motivation. If someone steals bread to feed themselves, it's a sin. If someone else steals bread to feed a starving child, their sin is the same, but the intent behind the sin, is different. Your culture view crimes as right or wrong, black and white, it's not that simple. You know of the seven deadly sins; pride, envy, sloth, lust, gluttony, and wrath. Sins such as theft, murder, and deceit happen with a motivation. The motivation behind the sins are the seven deadly sins. Contrarily, there are seven Heavenly virtues which are other motivations behind sins, such as humility, love, charity, gratitude, temperance, patience, and diligence. Someone who commits murder is a murderer on your world, but did they murder with love as a motivation, or greed? Morality is complex, and there are philosophical debates of it on Earth, but like many things it's been lost in translation. Ophelia had powers that allowed her to know someone's motivation. She could see in their mind, she saw their aura and magic. Though, she used her powers to make judgements that weren't necessarily her place to do so, she served justice fairly and without malicious intent."

I nod, "That seems like a complex topic for another day. I'm glad you explained it to me."

We spent the next couple hours talking, knowing this would be the last chance to do so. It was painful knowing I would never see them again, but the guilt I felt for their deaths was eased. There were things they couldn't share. Some things are meant to be known once one has crossed over. However, knowing I had this time with all of them was one of the most precious moments of my life. All the guilt I had deterred me from grieving properly.

After what felt like a couple of hours Fred got up and gestured for me to follow him. He hugged me. "Thank you for helping George when I left. You save him more than you know. I love you. Thank you for always being my friend."

I hug him tight. "I love you, too. Thank you for being here today. Good-bye, Fred."

He smirks, "Take care, Granger." He then fades.

I take a deep breath, because saying good-bye was so much easier than losing him in the war. Next Remus and Tonks surround me in a hug.

Tonks smiles at me, "Hermione, we must part. I want you to live life to the fullest, and no more cheating with the time-turner. Take a step back and enjoy life, yeah?"

I laugh, "Yeah. Thank you for saving my life."

She smiles, "I would do it all again. Take care of Teddy."

Remus hugs me again, "You surpassed all I hoped for you." He kisses my forehead, "Goodbye, Hermione."

I watch them leave. Ophelia comes to me next, and says, "Do you now understand their deaths were not your fault?"

"No. I should have tried to save them." I smirk. "Fine, you were right."

She smirks, "I see, you're still cheeky. You unfortunately inherited that from your father and grandfather."

I laugh, "Why didn't I get to meet him, my grandfather, I mean?"

She looks over at Sandy and he says, "Because his soul already moved on to the next life."

I frown, "Oh, so you are here without your soulmate."

She smiles, "Not for long, love. I'll be back before you know it. I asked to go back to find him again. We will be different, but we'll still find one another. After this life, you and Draco will do the same. Mia, give him your love. He needs you just as much as you do him. I'll see you soon, my love. Watch my memories, I would like for you to know me. I'm so proud of you. I'll see you soon."

She kisses my cheek, and I say, "I love you, goodbye."

She fades away. I look over at Sandy and ask, "What does she mean she'll see me soon?"

He smirks, "Secrets of the universe, little love."

I huff and then realize it's time to say goodbye to my parents. How am I going to do this?

They are getting up and walk over to me. I shake my head, "I don't want to say goodbye to you. I have missed you both so much."

Mum says, "You are going to be just fine, Hermione. I'll always love you. You're the best part of my life. When you have your children someday, you just may realize how much I love you. Conquer the world, Sweetheart."

Dad comes over and hugs me, "No crying Pumpkin Puff. You have a long life to live. I love you with everything I am. Go marry that poncy git, and name all your kids Richard."

I laugh, "I'm suppose to have three girls."

He smirks, "Perfect. Little girls humble you."

I clear the tears from my eyes and say, "I love you both so much."

They smile and fade.

Sandy walks over, and now he's dressed as a a medieval minstrel and says, "How are you feeling now?"

I smile, "Sad, but so much lighter than I believed I could be."

He smiles. In that moment, four lights fly in and swirl around me. I get an sense of overpowering love. Before I know it, they are gone and I ask Sandy, "What was that?"

He smiles, "Your future children."

"But there were only four."

He smirks, "Hmmm."

Then I remember Ophelia say, 'I'll be seeing you." I look at Sandy and he raises his eyebrow and says, "You have a date with a beautiful man in two hours, let's get you home."

I look around the library and smile. Though the conversations were light and inconsequential, I feel the freer than I ever have. It's just what I needed. I look at Sandy and nod, and he apparates me back to Dagworth Castle.