"Oh, missus, please wake up."
The small voice begged near my ear. Its tiny hands shook my shoulder as roughly as it could manage.
"Twinky doses not wants to dos this, misses, please," they begged again, near sobbing now.
I rolled over and groaned. When I opened one eye, it was still dark in my room. A tiny house elf stood at the edge of my bed, wringing her hands together fearfully, unaware that I was awake.
"Please, missus. You begged Twinky to wake you every day when yous was in schools. Yous is in school now, so it is Twinky's job to wake you now."
Nodding to myself, I stretched and sat up, "Thank you, Twinky, I really appreciate it. You know I don't trust myself to wake up on time."
Twinky broke down in sobs and threw her arms around my middle, "Thank gosh, missus. Twinky was so scared she was goings to have to do something drastic to wake you."
I smiled at the little elf, "What in the world would you have done, Twinky?"
She looked up at me wide-eyed and shook her head vigorously, "Oh no, missus. Twinky will not tells you. Oh no. Just be glad you woke up, missus."
"I am glad I woke up Twinky, thank you."
The sweet house elf nodded and vanished from sight with a loud snap of her long fingers.
Alone again, I checked my cheek for my leaf and patted my back in victory when it was still tucked away.
Mornings are hard for me. I never had much energy as it was, but after waking, it seemed as if I had even less to get myself up and going. Tossing my feet onto the cold floor, I wiggled my toes and flexed my muscles awake before standing and stretching.
Steeling myself for mental anguish, I stripped to nothing and gathered my clothes for a shower. In my little bathroom, I took in the clean tiles and small shower before turning it on and letting the steam fill the room. It wasn't much, but it was better than strolling down to the big bath where other girls in Slytherin could pop up without warning.
In and out in under twenty minutes, I was squeaky clean and still under-prepared to face the mirror.
Waving my wand, I cleared the steam and stood with my back straight. The mirror was my enemy. It may not be able to speak, but it showed no mercy.
Looking at myself, I took in all my flaws and saw a lot. My legs were too short, and my thighs were too wide. They jiggled when I walked or did anything. My belly wasn't flat like it was supposed to be. It was slightly rounded and hung in what my mother loved to call my pooch. My breasts were far too large. Not many would see that as a bad thing, but they didn't sit up high and perky; they hung a little low for someone who was supposed to be in the 'prime' of her life.
My teeth clenched, and I winced in pain as I tuned away. Sucking in a deep breath, I steadied myself as I turned back and began making changes. The same as yesterday, I hid my flaws and turned myself into someone else. As each one disappeared, I could barely recognize myself.
I pulled on my school clothes and waved my wand until my hair was tamed. I finally felt presentable, but a hollowness settled inside my chest for the first time, and all my limbs felt numb.
You're a liar, an inner voice screamed at me.
I shook my head, willing it away. You don't deserve to be here.
The emptiness stayed as I exited my dorm, and it persisted even through the common room.
"Fey!"
Surprised, I turned to find Theo jogging to catch up to me.
"Good morning," he grinned.
I smiled and nodded, not wanting to risk speaking too much.
He walked alongside me and held the door open for me as we left the common room, "I was wondering if you'd come to breakfast with me?"
Frozen at his words, I looked up at him and frowned. I studied his face and found he looked nervous. His hair was wet and pushed back as if he had stepped out of the shower and rushed as if not to miss seeing someone.
Me?
You don't deserve to speak to him.
Don't even deserve to breathe the same air.
My heart picked up, and I shook my head quickly.
"No… you don't want to go to breakfast with me?" he asked, disappointed.
My hands shot up, and I shook my head again, "No, that's not what I meant…"
A grin broke out across his handsome face, "Ah, then you do want to go. Brilliant," he took hold of my hand and pulled me behind him.
Thoughts swirled around my mind at a million kilometers an hour, making me dizzy, but I had no choice but to follow him. His hand held mine tightly. It was larger than mine and stronger, too.
Now that I had a moment to take him in, he was much larger than I was. He was nearly a foot taller and seemed layered with lean muscle that rolled and moved teasingly whenever he did.
Theo pushed the door to the great hall open and shouted good morning at Draco and the others sitting in the same spot as last night.
A deep flush took over my neck and face as he didn't let me go. Theo walked us over to them and sat us down between Blaise and Lorenzo. The body heat from them did nothing to help my flush, but thankfully, no one seemed to notice as they discussed schedules.
Lorenzo leaned closer to me, "Fey, what about your schedule?"
I looked up, and a little parchment was hanging above my head. Snatching it out of the air, I unfolded it and allowed him to look.
"Seems we've gotten lucky, fellas. Fey here will be joining us in our classes this year."
Without thinking, I snatched Lorenzo's schedule from his hands and scanned over his classes, comparing them to mine. Sure as hell, we had the same classes.
It shouldn't have been surprising. We were in the same house, but I wasn't counting on them being so close.
"I guess we do," I whispered
Theo laughed, "Don't sound so disappointed. I promise we aren't so bad."
"Speak for yourself." Mattheo snorted
They broke into jokes and predictions about the new Defense professor while eating. I listened and tried to think of a way out of the great hall. The nagging voice in my mind criticized me for thinking I was good enough to be in their presence when I was a liar.
The nagging hollow feeling in my chest grew as I sat between them, and I didn't know how to make it stop. My shoulders drooped, and my gaze focused on something far away.
The clock struck eight-thirty, and awkwardly realizing my chance had come, I stood and nearly knocked Theo's juice over with my hip, "Sorry! I need my book for class this morning," without another word, I scrambled away, feeling their eyes following me as I went.
The little voice in my mind grew louder, bolder, and more cruel. What a waste of space. I can't even stand upright. I can't even manage to leave the table without causing a scene. You're nothing but a failure.
Not wasting time, I stepped into the common room and raised my wand to accio my bookbag from my dorm. It flew at an alarming speed toward my head before stopping abruptly and falling into my waiting hand.
The Charms classroom was on the third floor, and I would be late if I didn't move fast. Rushing back the way I came with my eyes to the floor and my wand clutched in my hand, I did my best to move around other hurrying Slytherins, but when I rounded the corner to the stairway, I collided with the very hard back of another student.
A hand grasped my wrists, and I winced, flinching away, "Shit, are you alright?" the Hufflepuff pulled away, too frightened to touch me after I cringed.
Thoughts of the train flooded my mind, and I looked down at my body, relieved to see that I was still hidden.
The Hufflepuff crouched down beside me and held out a hand, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear. I just wanted to help you up."
"I know. I fell yesterday, still a bit tender," I whispered, avoiding his eyes.
"Hey now," his fingers tapped under my chin until I was forced to look up at him, "That's better. Are you sure I didn't hurt you? You fell quite hard."
"I'm sure," he didn't look convinced in the slightest, "but I do need some help getting up," I showed him my wrists, "I did take a nasty fall yesterday, and they are very tender."
He smiled and grabbed my elbow, grunting slightly as he pulled me to my feet.
Embarrassment flooded my cheeks and chest.
"I should be going," I told him.
He put out his hand to stop me from leaving, "Wait, I never got your name…"
"My name?"
Don't give him your name. The little voice warned. He only wants to whisper about you when you're gone. Tell everyone about the heavy Slytherin he had to help.
"Fey!"
I turned, and Mattheo and Lorenzo were sprinting.
"We need to go!" Lorenzo shouted, grabbing my hand. He ran past, "We're gonna be late if you don't move!"
Pain shot up my arm as he dragged me along.
Drag Fey behind you. It was a common theme today.
We made it to Charms with seconds to spare. The slamming shut behind us. All eyes glanced our way before snickers and whispers broke out among the students.
My teeth clenched.
Shit, this is what I wanted to avoid, but attention followed these boys like fucking oxygen.
"Please have a seat, you three," Professor Flitwick instructed.
Lorenzo released my hand, and we walked to the front of the room. Eyes and whispers followed us as we went.
Slytherin girls glared daggers my way, "What's she doing with them?"
"What's so special about her?"
"She went to breakfast with them, too."
"Held hands with Theo Nott in the corridors."
I forced my eyes to the front of the room and pulled out a quill from my bag. Lorenzo sat to my left and Mattheo to my right surrounding me.
The voices continued even as Flitwick began explaining what the year would hold for them as fifth years.
I did my best to concentrate, but a voice broke through, "...don't worry about her. She's ugly anyway, probably their pitty project."
My grip on my fancy feather quill grew tight until it snapped in half. Ink ran down my fingers and over the table ledge, dripping down my leg and onto the floor.
Mattheo looked over at me and frowned. He pried the broken quill from my fingers and waved his wand over the puddle of ink before slipping a new quill into my hand.
Parchment appeared before me from Lorenzo,
Don't listen to those bubble-headed bimbos.
Bubble-headed bimbos?, I wrote back.
Yes, those twats chattering behind us.
Twats really. I'd hate to be on your bad side.
He wrote back quickly, Then don't be a twat.
I couldn't help but laugh behind my hand.
The hour passed quickly with our passing notes back and forth. Draco and Theo met us after class, as did Pansy, who joined us on our way to Herbology.
The smell of dirt was relaxing, but the jokes about men eating plants at Draco's expense were the highlight of the morning.
Apparently, he fears being eaten alive by some giant Amazonian plant out for blood. I couldn't help but giggle when he threatened to put dirt and worms in all our pillows for laughing at him.
"Come on, it's potions next, and finally, we get to eat!" Lorenzo moaned
The mention of food had my stomach twisting in a knot.
I was starving.
"You know Snape is going to put us to work."
"So? It will make time go by faster."
"That's not how time works, Lorenzo," Pansy sighed, "Boys."
The castle was crowded as they entered, and the small stairway leading down to the dungeons even more so because Snape refused to open his classroom until the exact moment the class began.
The lock clicked nearly silent before students began pushing their way inside. Pansy guided me to the back of the room and sat before looking at the open seat next to her as if I were a little slow, "Sit."
I followed her command, and the boys took the tables surrounding us. Dramatic as ever, Snape entered the classroom from his office with a flourish of his robes, glaring at everyone in turn.
"This is Potions for fifth years. If you are in the wrong class, leave."
No one moved.
"This class will build upon what you have learned in previous years, so you are expected to have retained what you have learned. There will be no excuses in this class."
Students murmured.
"Silence," Snape met everyone's eyes, and when he reached mine, I looked down at my quill, "Today, we will begin with the drought of peace."
Snape began lecturing and warning them of the severe side effects of brewing the potion incorrectly.
I scribbled down every word he said, careful not to miss one. I had amassed forty-five centimeters of parchment when the class was finally over. My wrist was cramping. Snape was reminding us to bring our potion supplies to our next class.
"Before you all go, I need to see Miss Sterling."
The room was silent as I looked up. Pansy, Theo, and Draco looked worried.
Lorenzo slung my bag over his shoulder, "We'll wait for you outside."
The classroom emptied slowly, and I made my way to stand before Professor Snape.
"Who are you?" he asked with a raised brow
"I'm Fey Sterling," I told him weakly
"Do not lie to me, girl."
"I-I I promise I'm not…"
Snape raised his wand and waved it over my head. A force I didn't recognize rushed through my body and over my skin. I did everything I could to keep my shape and hold myself together, but the pain it caused was too much.
I let out a soft cry and fell to my knees.
"Ah, I see. A metamorphagus, are you?"
I nodded and hung my head limply.
"On your feet. I don't want to talk to the top of your head, Miss Sterling."
"I can't…" I held up my bruised wrists for him to see, "I fell on the train yesterday, and I can't put any weight on them."
He sighed and raised me by my elbows until I stood seemingly effortlessly.
He looked me up and down before speaking, "Why are you hiding? I've met a few students with your ability in my time, and most use it to be a pain," he paused for a moment in thought, "You however have changed yourself into someone else entirely."
I looked at my head of house and took in his stern features. He was waiting for an answer I didn't know how to give.
The little voice in my mind perked up.
Tell him you hate yourself.
Tell him how disgusting you are.
Tears filled my eyes as a painful probing sensation started behind my eyes and traveled through my mind. My chest tightened around the hollow feeling as my limbs seemed numb and my shoulders dropped.
Snape looked curious as he rubbed a hand along his jaw, "Hmm, I see."