The Other Half of Me

by 3mison

By Emily’s junior year of high school, she was completely lost in her life. From dealing with her parent’s strict conservative beliefs, an evident lack of friends, and questioning her sexuality, Emily was entering a depression. That is, until a bold and exciting blonde miraculously entered her dull life. - Slow burn Emison fanfic. Rating might change to M in the future.

18. Chapter Eighteen: Homecoming

Hi my lovelies! I hope you all are doing well! To all my Virgos, I hope you all had good birthdays. To all my Libras, happy early birthday! I'm so excited to be back.

In response to the reviews: •To the first guest reviewer, did you visit Niagara Falls from the US side or from the Ontario side? I know, it was a rough chapter:( They of course will talk, but they are both stubborn in their own ways. Oh man Ali with a girlfriend would definitely be interesting! Ali is slowly navigating her sexuality. As of now she has just suppressed it and tried to hide it. Coming out is always a different journey for everyone, and Ali will have to work through that and her queen b status. I'm glad you're loving it, and thanks for your reviews! :) See you on the next one! •Nicole, Hi! You're so kind, thank you! Talking with everyone is so much fun and it makes my day hearing from you guys. When I was a little closeted teenager fanfiction was a safe space for me, and I want my place on here to feel like a community (even if the Emison fandom has dwindled). Lol yes Hanna was not letting any of it slide! She tried her best, but it'll eventually have to come down to Em and Ali deciding to talk on their own. Ahhhh I know that hookup between Emily and Samara was a big yikes. Alison isn't the only one who is trying to avoid the pain of the breakup...*cough* *cough* Emily *cough* lol. Healing is for sure needed for the both of them. Thank you for your review love! Hope to see you next time. •Packersgirl492, Lol yes I have many pictures as a kid that make it glaringly obvious. Our queen Lady Gaga was right…we're born this way! Hahaha my wife's southern accent is the sweetest, I love it. When I first met her, she said something to me when we were talking and I paused and was like "You didn't grow up here did you?" Lol. She was surprised I picked up on her accent because she's lost it for the most part. And yeah dude I refuse to watch The Perfectionists. Did Marlene write for that show too? I think I looked at a YouTube clip of the scene where Ali is signing the divorce papers….it broke my lil Emison heart. I agree though, and that's what makes me so upset. It think it's very unrealistic that they would divorce. I didn't see that comment Marlene made, so thanks for sharing!…that makes me feel better. Yeah I also agree with you about Spencer's twin being the final A. I showed my wife PLL like two years ago because she never watched it and she thought the ending was absurd (as far as endgame A). She was also livid when Spencer got with Caleb (and I agree lol). I also thought Melissa would've been a good A. For a while in the middle of the show I was convinced that Aria was A. Thank you for your sweet compliment, and I know it was angsty as hell. We're probably still in for some more angst too;) I'll try to not steal from the PLL writer's handbook and make us wait 5 plus years for Emison to get together haha. Ali's abandonment issues are definitely coming full force right now, and Emily's avoidance issues are also showing up a little bit. I'm glad I am doing Spencer and Hanna's characters some justice! I didn't want this story to have the -A elements and such from the show, but I wanted to include my other two fav liars in the story. Hanna was such a ride or die in the show, especially for Emily. Lol maybe I can make that bitch slap of Hanna's happen in the future, that is depending on Emily and Alison's relationship tho ;) I hope they can heal too. Nobody is ever 100% healed from their traumas, but there will be a lot to repair for them individually before they can repair things romantically. Hahaha therapy wouldn't be a bad thing for Ali! As always thanks for your reviews!! See you on the flip side:)

~3mison

Chapter Eighteen: Homecoming

Alison

'How Love Comes and Goes'

"I felt a void within me

It was vast as the desert plains.

It could swallow up the seven seas

And hardly notice the gain.

I felt this emptiness echo

On the day, my love, you came.

When love swept in like the ocean And left me in drops, like rain."

-a poem from Love Looks Pretty on You by Lang Leav

Alison was looking into the mirror in front of her vanity, applying her lipgloss. Today was the first day of senior year. She took a long hard look at herself through the reflection before adding blush onto her cheeks.

Alison glanced over at the half broken picture frame in front of her that was missing parts of the glass. The previous photo had now been replaced with one of her and Hanna. She kept the frame as a reminder: a reminder of what drinking did to her...a reminder to stay sober.

The blonde had one too many bad memories when she was under the influence, and regret was an ever present emotion as she thought of the things she did. She ran the pad of her thumb over a smoothed out portion of the broken glass. She thought of the day she had decided enough was enough and it was time to put down the whiskey bottle:

Alison groaned as the morning light hit her face. Her eyes were still closed as she flipped onto her other side, still trying to stay asleep. She didn't want to face her impending hangover. I thought I closed my curtains. The blonde attempted to fall back asleep, but she heard someone loudly clearing their throat.

Her eyes shot open and widened after they focused on Hanna sitting by the bed. Alison's eyes grew even larger when she realized that she wasn't in her room, but Emily's. The blonde abruptly moved to a sitting position and looked around the room to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "Oh god," she whispered in shock.

"Yup," Hanna replied sarcastically. Alison looked around slowly, "Hanna…why am in Emily's room?" She asked after finally looking at her friend. "You seriously don't remember how you got here? What the hell were you thinking?" Hanna scolded the confused blonde in the brunette's bed.

Alison looked down at her clothes. I'm wearing the clothes I wore yesterday...what the hell. "I don't …I don't know…" she mumbled while running a hand through her tangled hair. "Jesus Ali...What was the last thing you remember?" Hanna asked beside her.

"I remember the party...you showed up...with Emily...oh god I-I said-" "-That you hated her," Hanna finished the blonde a sentence, disappointment laced in her voice. Alison gritted her teeth as flashes of last night started coming to her. She noticed the other side of the bed. It was perfectly made, as if no one slept beside her. "Where is she?"

Hanna sighed, "She's not here." Alison kept looking for any signs of the brunette. She still was in shock. The last time she was in this room, she saw Emily on top of another girl. Now she was in the brunette's bed and had no recollection of how she got there.

Alison drug her fingers over the familiar comforter, "Well is she downstairs or what?" Hanna sighed, "No, she's not here...as in Rosewood. She left on an early flight out to Texas this morning. She called me late last night to come and pick you up."

"Texas?...Oh…to visit her dad. I forgot about that," Alison replied as she pieced together the jumbled parts of her memory. "Apparently you're forgetting a lot of things lately," Hanna breathed out sassily while picking at her nails with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not really in the mood for sarcasm Hanna," Alison spat out. Hanna scoffed, "Yeah? Well I'm not really in the mood for a conversation right now. If you haven't fully realized yet, you're in your ex girlfriend's bed...who happens to not be here. So let's go."

Hanna stood up from Emily's chair and slid it neatly back under the brunette's desk. Alison moved out from under the covers and swung her legs off of the side of the bed, but she didn't stand up. "Give me your phone," she demanded. Hanna shook her head, "No. You're not calling her Ali. She doesn't want to talk to you. I promised her that I would come and get you but that's it."

"Seems like you two are best friends now," Alison grumbled while still taking in the details of Emily's bedroom. Not much has changed. "Listen, we can argue in the car, but it's creeping me out being in her house. So get up," Hanna instructed as she pulled the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

Alison huffed and got out of the brunette's bed, but she froze when she saw the bottle of water and Advil on the nightstand. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Emily must have left that for me. After everything I said and did, she still cares. Oh god...what did I say to her last night? I can't even remember coming here. Alison squeezed her eyes shut before neatly making Emily's bed. She took a deep breath and faced Hanna, "Okay...let's go."

Alison grumpily followed Hanna out of the room, but her eyes lingered on Emily's cork board. She noticed the empty spaces of where old photos of her and the brunette used to be. "Ali," Hanna turned around at the top of the stairs, "Come on." Alison lifted her hand and rested her fingers on a picture of Emily. Hanna groaned dramatically, but Alison ignored her and sighed quietly before leaving the brunette's bedroom.

She watched Hanna close the front door of the Fields' home once they reached the front porch, pulling out a key and locking the door behind them. Alison furrowed her eyebrows in confusion when Hanna walked over to a flower pot and hid the key inside the top layer of soil. "Why are you putting their house key there?" She asked.

"For Spencer. She's watching the house for them this summer," Hanna replied as she grimaced and wiped her hands from the potting soil. Alison put her hand on her hip, "The summer? Emily is only going out there for two weeks." Hanna avoided eye contact and started walking down the porch steps. "Hanna?"

Her friend turned around with a nervous look on her face, "No, she's not Ali. She's going to Texas for the whole summer." Alison felt the air leave her lungs, "W-what? Why?" Hanna gave her a pointed look, "I'm sure you can assume why."

Alison looked around frantically, searching for nothing in particular. Her knees felt weak. Her heart was pounding. She felt dizzy. Alison stuck a hand out onto the railing to steady herself. She slowly sat down on the steps of the front porch and took deep breathes, "D-Did she tell you what we talked about last night?" She asked quietly. Hanna sat down beside her, "No, she didn't. You really don't remember anything?"

Alison shook her head as she stared off into the Fields' front yard. "My bet is that you came to say sorry after what you said to her yesterday. At least I hope you apologized," Hanna said harshly. "I-I didn't mean…Hanna I didn't mean it…" Alison's voice cracked and tears starting building in her eyes.

Hanna put her hand on Alison's shoulder "I know, but it's too late. Now come on, let's get out of here and get breakfast." Alison watched her friend stand up and stick her hand out for her. The gesture reminded her of when Hanna helped her go over to Emily's the other day. "I'm sorry," she whispered as a single tear fell from her eye.

Hanna pulled back her hand, "For what?" Alison bit her trembling lip, "For everything...for drinking…for yelling at you when you were only trying to help me...for all of the awful things I've done this past month. You were being a good friend and I...I-" "-It's okay."

"No it's not," Alison retorted, "I'm going to quit drinking," she said with resolution. Hanna raised her eyebrow, "That's great Ali, but can we talk about sobriety at The Brew? Someone is going to think we're trying to break in." Alison rolled her eyes and stood up from the step, "I mean it Hanna," she said as she looked back towards Emily's house, "I'm done."

And she stayed true to her word. Alison didn't touch the liquor in her house all summer. She popped her lips together, checking her lipgloss as she looked at her reflection. She cut her hair a few inches shorter and let her darker roots grow out. Her frown lines had become more prominent. Her face had filled out. Even though it had only been a few months, she felt years older.

In a way, she felt softer. Kinder. More free. She spent most of her life hiding behind a shell of her true self. She was calculated and guarded. Over the past summer she realized that holding a barrier over of her true self wasn't the answer. It didn't make her any happier. It made her feel alone and isolated. She lost parts of herself by building a wall. It took losing the most important person in her life to see that she stacked too many bricks on that imaginary wall...to the point where she lost the love of her life.

Alison made a promise to herself to be better. To not hide behind bitchiness. She fought against the idea that she was worthy of love for so long. She was even content living that way, that was until she met Emily. Her love was more than what Alison thought she deserved, but over the time Emily was away, she realized she had to love herself first in order to receive love. A large part of that was accepting her sexuality, and to learn to love that about herself.

She wanted Emily and her love more than anything. Alison was determined fight for her. To let her guard down. To be open and honest. To be vulnerable. It went against every instinct she had, but she had to let go of control. Alison knew she had a lot to apologize for and to fix.

It was brutal losing her, but it was even harder to know that Emily wasn't a possession. She wasn't Alison's in any aspect. Emily's love was a gift. It wasn't something that Alison won or owned, it was given. She was ready to work for that. To prove to Emily she was worthy of her love.

Alison opened her jewelry box, searching for a simple gold chained necklace. She picked it up, but instantly froze after she realized she picked up the wrong necklace. Her heart beat sped up. She stared at the dangling locket swinging lightly on the gold chain, but she refused to open it. Don't look at it. Don't do this to yourself today. She inhaled deeply before tucking the piece of jewelry carefully back into the box.

She walked across her room to grab her purse, and her eyes lingered out the bedroom window. She stood in the morning light and stared at the Hastings' house, thinking of a memory a few months ago of an early June morning:

Alison clutched the strap of her purse that was resting on her shoulder as she made her way along the sidewalk. She walked with determination in every step. The sun beat down on her pale skin, making the blonde grimace when she felt herself getting sweaty. Summer was in full swing.

She loved summers. June was her birthday month. People would throw parties every weekend. Hanna and her would go shopping or hang out in each other's bedrooms all day. Other days were filled with barbecues at the lake. This summer, however, Alison was not excited about one bit. She had one goal in mind for the summer, and she would be damned if she didn't try.

The first week of her summer break was spent writing the very thing she was attempting to deliver. She went through a whole notebook, trying her hardest to write her feelings onto paper. By the end of those days, she would have hundreds of crumpled up pieces of paper strewn across her floor.

Alison took a deep breath and shrugged off her nerves as she knocked on the front door of the Hastings' house. She stood firm in her place on the welcome mat until the door swung open. "Alison," Spencer greeted with both surprise and disdain laced in her voice. "Spencer," Alison said back shortly. Spencer crossed her arms over her chest, "What are you doing here?"

Alison sassily raised an eyebrow in response to Spencer's hostile tone, "It's nice to see you too. How is your summer going?" She responded sarcastically. Spencer cocked her head in annoyance and didn't respond. Alison rolled her eyes, "I'm here about Emily."

"Emily doesn't want to talk to you," Spencer replied coldly. Alison sighed in frustration, "I know. That's why I'm here." Spencer now was the one who rolled her eyes, "Why would I help you after you said those things to her?" Alison's confidence deflated slightly at the mention of it, but she shook it off quickly, "Look, I get it. You are her best friend and you're being protective, but I need a favor."

Spencer simply pursed her lips and stayed silent. Alison bit her lip and tried to maintain her composure. She instead opened her purse and pulled out an envelope, handing it out to Spencer, "Can you mail her this. I don't have her address in Texas." Spencer glanced down at the letter outstretched in Alison's hand and didn't move a muscle.

Alison huffed in frustration, "Spencer, please. It's important." The brunette uncrossed her arms and leaned against the open door, "What's in it?" She asked with distrust. "It's none of your business," Alison replied hotly. Spencer arched her eyebrow and held her ground. "Listen, it's just...important that she gets this. I know you have her new address. So can you please send it for me?" Alison pleaded desperately as she handed the letter out to her again.

Spencer stood like a rock, unwilling to budge. Alison stared her down for a few moments while she held out the letter. She let out a defeated breath before turning to walk away. Alison made it down the front steps before Spencer spoke up: "Wait." Alison turned around and saw Spencer holding out her hand begrudgingly, "I'll send it."

She walked back up to the brunette and looked at the letter, hesitant to hand it over now. She didn't trust Spencer, but it was her only option. "I promise," Spencer said after noticing Alison's hesitancy. The blonde looked down at the envelope one more time before slowly handing it over, "Thank you."

Spencer nodded her head neutrally. Alison took a deep breath as she straightened her head and posture, "Spencer...I hope you know that I didn't mean it. I-I wasn't thinking and I-" "-You don't need to explain yourself to me," the brunette interrupted. Alison went to open her mouth again, but Spencer had already closed the door.

Alison felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked out her window, but she closed them tightly and bit her lip before they could ruin her freshly done makeup. She shook off her emotions stoically and exited her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

She passed her mother's room once she reached the first floor of the house. She stopped and cracked open the door only to find the bed still untouched and not slept in. Surprise surprise. She felt the dull ache at the back of her head, making her reach up and rub the scar gingerly. Her heart ached more than the physical pain. She tried to push the awful memory away, but it quickly came to the forefront of her mind:

Alison sauntered down the staircase. She had plans with Hanna to do some early birthday celebrating. They were going to have a movie marathon and stay up to midnight until it was Alison's actual birthday.

Hanna wanted to throw a big party for her, but Alison protested. She hadn't been in the mood for celebrating anything lately. All she could think about was Emily and the letter she had sent to her a few days ago. She questioned if Spencer actually did mail it off, but all she could do was hope that Emily's friend stayed true to her word.

Alison crossed the living room threshold when her mother's voice startled her: "Where do you think you're going?" Alison's eyes adjusted to the dark. Her mom was sitting in the corner with a small table lamp on and a glass of wine beside her.

She could barely look at her mother without being filled with rage. "Out," Alison replied shortly and attempted to escape. "Did I say you could go out?" Her mother challenged, halting the blonde's steps. Alison rolled her eyes before turning around to face her, "It's only me and Hanna. What's the big deal?" She asked sassily with a hand on her hip.

"You're staying home tonight. I want you in the house. End of discussion," her mother replied while taking a large sip of her wine. "Why do you care? You're never here anyways," Alison argued against her better judgement. Her muscles tightened when she the flash of anger in her mom's eyes.

Jessica stood up from the chair, "Who do you think cleans this house? Who do you think does your laundry and the dishes? Do you think I enjoy picking up after my kids all of the time?" Alison scoffed, "Oh trust me, I know you don't enjoy being a mother. You don't have to tell me. You'd rather be off at some fancy hotel banging a married man!"

She flinched at her own words. She knew better. She planned on keeping the newfound information about her mother to herself. She wanted to process the things she saw last night. She assumed her mom wouldn't be home in days. She didn't intend to play her card just then, but seeing her mother drunk triggered a fight or flight response, and she chose to fight.

The silence was deafening, but Alison stood firm and faced the impending fight. Her mother's eyes flared with shock and rage, "Excuse me?" She asked in a terrifyingly quite tone. Alison kept her jaw tight and straightened her posture, "You heard me. You haven't slept here in two months. So I followed you."

Jessica cocked her head to the side as she threw daggers at her daughter, "Followed me where?" Alison refused to break eye contact. She didn't want to give her mom the satisfaction of her fear. She stood tall, "Don't play dumb mom. I put two and two together when I saw his car parked outside of the hotel. Then I realized Mrs. Hastings has been across the country on business."

Alison held her breath when her mom finished off of her wine. She saw the white's of her mother's knuckles of the hand that held the glass in an iron grip. She swallowed thickly, watching her mom walk calm and collected over to the open bottle of wine and pour herself another glass. Jessica gulped down the red liquid, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Alison anger grew tenfold. Seeing her mom care more about her wine even when she was accusing her of sleeping with a married man flipped a switch inside of Alison. Her fear disappeared, and rage took over. "Tell me, was being a drunk not enough for you? You just had to add home wrecker to the list?" She screamed.

She finally got her mother's undivided attention from that. Jessica set the bottle down hard, "Watch it. You're this close to being grounded for the whole summer." Alison laughed sarcastically, "Oh that's rich! Who's going to enforce that? Casper?" Her mom shook her head and downed the rest of her wine, making Alison scoff and stomp off towards the front door.

"Alison get back here right now! I will not have my teenage daughter running off with some boy and getting pregnant!" Her mother screamed. Alison released her grip on the door handle and whipped around, "That would just be awful wouldn't it? Your daughter ruining the family name?! I think you and dad have already embarrassed us enough! And for the record, I might be going to see a girl!"

She watched her mom's eyebrows scrunch together, but all Alison could see was the empty, glassy look in her eyes. She took a few steps closer to her drunk mother, "I'm bisexual! Remember Emily? She was my girlfriend, and I ruined it with her because I was so scared to tell you! But guess what mom? I don't care what you think about me! You're probably too busy to care anyways because you're always getting drunk and fucking Mr. Hastings!"

Her words reverberated off of the walls, creating an intensity that was palpable. Jessica parted her mouth in shock. She can't even deny it. She isn't even trying. Alison rolled her eyes. She doesn't even care that I came out to her. Tears were running down her face, but she wasn't aware of it. "I hate you!" Alison screamed into the deafening silence. She wasn't lost to the fact that she said those three words to someone else recently, but this time she meant it.

It was in that moment that she faced a sad reality. I lost Emily for nothing. I was so stupid to think that my mom would even care. Maybe she does care, but even if that's true it doesn't change anything. She will still drink everyday. She still won't be the mother that I need. She would still find reasons to get mad at me and yell at me.

Alison clenched her fists by her sides. After what felt like an eternity, her mom finally replied: "What did you say to me?" Jessica asked in a low voice. "You heard me," Alison snapped back. Her mom walked over to her and Alison inhaled a breath, preparing for a slap across her face. Jessica stood close enough for Alison to smell the alcohol on her mother's breath.

"Get out," Jessica seethed, "Get. Out. Now!" She screamed. Alison flinched from the spit that landed on her face. She wiped her face aggressively. "Gladly," she spat back before turning towards the door. Just as she reached her hand out for the door, she felt the impact.

The sound of glass shattering sounded around the house. Alison's ears were ringing. She could see her mother covering her mouth in the shock of her own actions. She didn't feel the initial pain. All she felt was the wetness and the throbbing at the base of her hairline. Alison slowly reached her hand to the back of her head and pulled it back, observing the red covering her palm.

She couldn't tell what was wine and what was blood. All she could see was red. She heard the muffled sounds of her mother crying. Through her blurry vision she saw her mother in front of her, holding her by the shoulders. "Alison," her mother cried, "Oh god what have I done!"

Alison's eyes focused on the ground and saw the shards that was once her mother's wine glass. The shock started wearing off, and her eyes widened as she looked into her mother's panicked eyes. "M-mom," she mumbled as she pressed her hand into the bloody gash on the back of her head.

Jessica was still shaking Alison's shoulders, trying to get her daughter out of her shock-induced haze. "We need to take you to a hospital," her mother's voice rang out into her ears through disconnected phrases. She hit me. She threw her glass at me. Alison shoved her mother back, but she couldn't tell how hard she pushed her. Everything she heard came in fragments and everything she saw was blurred.

All she knew was that she was now running out into her yard with her mother's voice screaming after her. She didn't know if she had her phone or her purse. She just ran. After an unknown amount of time, she reached the Marin's front door and was facing the shocked look of Ashley's face.

Her phone buzzing snapped her out of her stupor. Alison sighed heavily as she closed her mother's bedroom door. She pulled out her phone, seeing a text from Hanna: "Out front. Don't make us late or my mom will kill me!" Alison rolled her eyes, but she was also well aware of the irony. Yeah, well, my mom essentially did try to kill me.

Alison gracefully walked down the porch steps with her heels on. She smirked from hearing the music blaring from Hanna's car that was parked and waiting to take her to school. She told herself not to focus on the mailbox, but it was too much of a habit, so she did anyway. She ran her fingers along the cold metal box as she strode past it towards Hanna's car, her heart breaking inside of her chest.

After she delivered the letter to Spencer, with hopes that the brunette mailed it, Alison checked the mailbox religiously every day during the summer. She would make sure she was home all afternoon so that she wouldn't miss the mail:

On a late afternoon in July, Alison sat on her chair facing the window. It was mid-afternoon, and like clockwork, she was waiting impatiently for the mail lady to drive by. She was incessantly tapping her nails on the window frame, her hand holding her chin.

She still had yet to receive a letter from Emily and it was starting to drive her crazy. Despite it being over a month since she sent the letter, she still held out hope. Maybe I should've said something else. Maybe I should try writing again. Maybe she's just thinking about what to say. Maybe-

Alison's thoughts were cut off as soon as she saw the car pull up by her house. She jumped up and started running down the stairs, nearly falling on her descent. She raced down the the porch steps with her blonde hair flying behind her, timing her arrival perfectly.

"Good afternoon Alison," the mail lady greeted out the car window. "Hi Susan," Alison said back through heavy breaths. Alison was on a first name basis with her because the blonde never missed an afternoon. Susan handed her the mail, "Maybe today is the day."

"Maybe," Alison replied back as she hastily flipped through the envelopes, looking for Emily's name. "Must be a special somebody," Susan commented just as Alison finished fishing through the mail. Alison's heart dropped in her chest for the hundredth time. "Yeah...she is," she answered somberly.

"No luck? I'm sorry hun. There's always tomorrow," the mail lady said after seeing the disappointment on the blonde's face. "Thanks," Alison replied before turning and walking away slowly. "Are you done obsessing today?" Hanna's voice made Alison jump.

"Christ Hanna! Thanks for announcing yourself," Alison snapped as she watched her best friend walk along her driveway. "I pulled up when you were stalking the mail man. You were too focused on your pen pal to notice me," Hanna shrugged as the two girls walked up onto the porch. Alison sighed and sat down onto the porch swing.

"In order to have a pen pal, you actually need someone to write back to you," she grumbled. Hanna sat down beside her, "Still nothing?" Alison shook her head, "I'm starting to think Spencer didn't mail it." Hanna glanced over at her, "Spencer said she would. Maybe it's just time to accept that Emily isn't going to respond."

Alison gazed down at the envelopes, "She will. She just needs more time," she replied quietly. "Ali, it's been over a month. Look, I'm proud of you for staying sober, but you're wasting the summer sitting in your house waiting for a letter that is never going to come," Hanna said firmly.

"Thanks for the pep talk Han," Ali replied sarcastically. "I'm just saying that it's not good for you to get your hopes up every day and be let down over and over again. You need to get out of the house and meet someone new," Hanna said. "I don't want someone new," Alison tossed the mail down angrily.

"Ali, maybe talking to somebody will help you move on. I mean, girl, you're not going to have this same hot body for forever," Hanna argued, "I know you love Emily, but she hasn't wrote you back. You can't sit around all summer and try to fix things with someone who isn't even in the same area code!" Alison squinted her eyes and looked at her suspiciously, "What's going on?" Hanna looked away, "What do you mean?"

Alison turned more on the porch swing to face her, "What aren't you telling me?" She pushed. Hanna pretended to be confused, "Nothing. I'm just saying it might be time to move on." Alison tilted her head, "Bullshit. What is it? Tell me." Hanna sighed in defeat, "Just let it go Ali, please?"

"It's Emily isn't it?" Alison asked, fear laced in her voice. "I-I don't know," Hanna stuttered. "What do you mean 'you don't know'?" Alison asked sarcastically. Hanna winced. In that moment, Alison's worst fear came to the forefront of her mind. "She's with someone, isn't she?" Alison asked sadly. "No I'm not saying she is, but she might be," Hanna tried to cover her tracks, failing miserably.

"How do you know?" Alison continued prying. "Ali-" "-Hanna," Alison warned her in a serious tone. "Okay, okay. She posted some pictures on Instagram," Hanna relented. Alison's eyes glazed over and she took a moment to process. She had been so caught up in wondering why Emily hadn't responded, but she never allowed herself to believe that the reason might be because she was with someone. No. There's no way.

"Show me," Alison demanded and stuck her hand out. "Ali...it's just going to hurt you and-" "-I don't care. Give me your damn phone." Hanna rolled her eyes and dug through her purse, pausing a moment before handing her phone over. "This won't be good for you," Hanna warned as she held the phone out of Alison's reach.

"Let me see Hanna," Alison said lowly. Hanna sighed and pulled up Instagram on her phone, but she turned the screen away from Alison's peering eyes. Alison leaned over and went to grab the phone, but Hanna yanked it away, "Are you sure about this?" Alison gave her a death glare in response. "Okay," Hanna said hesitantly as she handed over the phone.

Alison quickly swiped it from her. Her eyes focused on the picture, making her breathing falter. "It's honestly probably nothing Ali," Hanna spoke up after Alison stayed silent, looking at the phone with glossy eyes. Alison gritted her teeth together as she intently focused on the photo. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. She hadn't seen Emily in what felt like forever.

She noticed the small details of the brunette. Seeing Emily's beautiful smile almost made Alison grin, but then her eyes drifted over to the girl who was kissing Emily's cheek. She frowned as she took in the girl touching Emily. She had dark skin with beautiful curly hair. She's pretty. Ugh god she's beautiful. Her eyes drifted down to the caption that read: "Best day" with a heart beside it.

Alison felt the anger swell in her chest, threatening to bubble over into rage, but she took a deep breath to calm herself. "She's kissing her Hanna. How could it just be nothing?" Alison seethed as she kept her eyes trained on the photo.

"It could just be a summer fling," Hanna attempted to reason with her. Alison chewed on the inside of her lip as she went to look at the rest of Emily's Instagram account. "Ali..." Hanna warned as she peered over Alison's shoulder. Alison scrutinized the brunette's photos. There was a picture of her posing with her dad by the beach. Another one was a selfie she took on a run. She looks good. She looks really good. She looks...happy. Is she happier without me?

Alison felt the sting of tears building in her eyes. She scrunched her nose together and shoved the phone back into Hanna's hand forcefully, "Thanks," she muttered, looking off into her front yard. Hanna eyed her cautiously, "Ali, I'm sorry." Alison cleared her throat, "It's fine." Hanna put her hand on top of hers, but Alison yanked her hand away and stood up from the porch swing. She couldn't accept the comfort or she would cry, and she was not going to cry.

"You said Noel was having a party tonight at the cabin, right?" Alison asked harshly. "Yeah he is...did you change your mind?" Hanna asked with a hint of worry in her tone. Alison rolled her eyes with a hand on her hip, "I'm not going to go crazy and get trashed Han. I just need to get that off my mind," she said while gesturing to Hanna's phone with a frown.

Hanna visibly showed relief. "Well are you coming or what? We need to get ready," Alison asked, trying her hardest not to sound bitchy. Hanna hopped up from the porch swing and followed her into the house. She made a funny comment about Caleb on their way up the stairs and Alison laughed, but all she could think about was Emily.

Alison slid into the passenger seat with ease, "Hey." Hanna squealed enthusiastically, "Omg you look so good!" Alison smiled lightly, "Thanks." Hanna gave her a look and turned down the music, "Please tell me you're not still upset." Alison pulled the seat belt around her, "Upset about what?" She asked, trying her hardest to seem nonchalant.

Hanna reached over and undid Alison's seatbelt. Alison raised an eyebrow, looking down at the seatbelt, "What?" Hanna shook her head, "Ali, you have to let it go," she breathed out. "Let what go?" Alison pretended to have no idea what her friend was talking about. "Emily," Hanna replied bluntly.

Alison huffed and pulled the seatbelt back on, "Can you drive?" She sassed back. "Can you not ignore me?" Hanna snapped. "No. I'm not upset. There, you happy?" Alison replied dryly. Hanna rolled her eyes, "Liar." Alison looked off through the windshield, "She's back. I saw her mom at the grocery store yesterday," she said softly. "I know, but you knew she was coming home after the summer ended," Hanna replied.

"I know that Hanna," Alison snapped back, "Now can we go? We're going to be late." I just hoped she would reach out to me by now. Hanna sighed and finally drove off. They stayed silently listening to music for a few minutes before Hanna spoke up: "How's mommy dearest?" Alison scoffed, "Oh just perfect. Made me breakfast, wished me a great first day of senior year, and sent me off with a kiss. The usual," she answered sarcastically.

Hanna laughed, "Has she still been bumping uglies with Mr. Big Shot Lawyer?" She asked. "I don't know, probably. Ever since she...ever since our fight I've avoided her any chance I get. If anything she's been extra nice whenever she is home. If that's what it takes for her to be decent, I'll take it," Alison replied. Hanna glanced over once they were stopped at a red light, "You know that the offer my mom gave you about living with us still stands, right?"

Alison sighed, "I know and I appreciate it, but it would only make things worse. I only have one more year in this hell hole and then I'll be gone." Hanna nodded before changing the subject: "So, how's Tyler?" She asked while wiggling her eyebrows. Alison looked down at her phone, noticing a text from the very person Hanna asked about.

Alison shrugged, "Fine," she answered shortly. "Ugh come on Ali! Give me details!" Hanna pestered as she turned into the school parking lot. "There's no details to give Han. We've just hung out a few times," Alison replied nonchalantly as she typed a message back to him. Hanna's tires screeched as she pulled into a parking spot.

"Jesus Han!" Alison yelled as she grabbed a handle in the car, "Try not to kill us before we graduate high school." Hanna smirked as she turned off the car, "I meant have you still not decided yet?" Alison sighed and grabbed her purse that fell onto the floorboard from Hanna's crazy driving, "I'm not ready for a relationship. I have focus on school this year so I can get the hell out of my house and this town. I told you the same thing I told him."

Hanna looked at her suspiciously, "Mhm." Alison's hand left the door handle, "What's the 'mhm' about?" She challenged. Hanna shrugged, "I think you're lying." Alison rolled her eyes and leaned back into the car seat, "Why would I be lying?" She argued. "I think you're scared to get into a new relationship," Hanna answered with an eyebrow raise.

Alison's eyes drifted off into the parking lot with students filling out of their cars, "Nobody asked about what you think," she shot back as she opened the car door. Hanna hopped out of the car too, "I think you two would be good together!" She called out as she tried to keep up with Alison. She spun around to face Hanna, "Why do I have to be in a relationship? Why can't two people just hang out and have a good time together? There's nothing wrong with liking someone and not diving head first into a relationship."

Hanna put up her hands in defense, "Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?" Alison rolled her eyes and turned around to keep walking. "You two have been hanging out for a whole month and he asked you to be his girlfriend...Even after you ditched him at prom! He's cute and smart and funny, so why not?" Hanna continued.

Alison stopped in her tracks and gritted her teeth together before spinning around again, "Because I don't want to Hanna!" She shouted a little too loudly, causing a few of their peers to look at them as they walked past the blondes. I don't want him. Hanna looked like she won an argument, "And why is that?" She asked in a rhetorical tone. Alison shook her head, "I'm done with this conversation."

Hanna trailed after her and finally got in stride with Alison, "I can understand why you'd be scared to get into a relationship again." I'm not scared, I don't want to be in a relationship with him. Alison refused to respond as they ascended the stairs into Rosewood High, making people move out of the blonde's way. "But you deserve happiness Ali," Hanna finished once they started walking into the school hallway.

Alison flipped her hair over her shoulder, "I am happy," she lied. The two girls made their way to the familiar lockers. "Why don't I believe you?" Hanna asked in a more serious tone. Alison sighed as she entered her locker combination, "Hanna what do you want me to say? Why is it so hard for you to believe I can be happy without being in a relationship?"

"Because I don't think you're telling me the truth," Hanna argued. Alison opened her locker and gave her friend a side eye, "I think you're too obsessed with my love life." Hanna let out a sarcastic laugh, "You mean your non-existent love life?" At that, Alison raised a eyebrow and tilted her head, giving Hanna an 'are you serious look'. Hanna crossed her arms, "Just admit it."

"Admit what Hanna?" Alison grumbled irritably. Hanna waited a moment before speaking: "That you're still hung up on Emily." Alison's eyes flicked down at the mention of her. She inhaled, "Even if I am, why do you care?" Hanna rolled her eyes, "Because you deserve better Ali. She made it clear that she moved on."

"You don't know that," Alison argued, half trying to convince herself of that fact. "Ali-" "-Hanna I screwed up okay? If anyone deserves better it's her, not me, but I would be an idiot if I let her go without trying. Weren't you the one who said that to me?" Alison tossed her makeup bag into her empty locker. "Yeah but that was months ago. A lot has changed since then. Or do you not remember her hooking up with Samara? Running off to Texas? And oh yeah, her new Texan girlfriend?" Hanna argued back.

"I haven't forgot smart ass," Alison shot back, "But she wouldn't have been with those girls if I didn't push her away. Plus we don't know if she's still with that girl in Texas." Hanna scoffed, "You know I love her too, and yeah you screwed up big, but you have been the one that has tried to apologize and fix things with her. You have been the one who waited day after day for a letter. You have been the one dealing with the fallout, and she just ghosted you! I think it's pretty clear she's moved on."

Alison shut her locker and leaned against it, "Yeah well now she's back. All I need is a chance to see her and talk to her." She watched Hanna's eyes drift off into the crowded hallway and widened slightly, "Looks like your wish will come true faster than you thought." Alison scrunched her eyebrows and turned to see what Hanna was looking at, but as she was doing so she heard the most angelic laugh. She didn't even need to see the brunette to know Emily was there.

Her heart stopped in her chest as she saw Emily walking beside Spencer down the hall. The two of them were laughing together and stopped at a row of lockers. Her breathing turned shallow as she took the brunette in. It felt too surreal. She wore a floral tank top with a black bomber jacket, a short mini skirt, and sneakers. Her hair was lighter with blonde highlights. She looked taller and tanner. My god she looks incredible. How could she have gotten even more beautiful after only a few months?

Alison stood frozen watching her interact with her friend across the hallway. She couldn't describe how it felt to see her again in person. Part of her had never been happier. Another part of her was completely petrified. She spent every day apart from Emily thinking about her...dreaming about the day when she would see her again, and now she couldn't even move or speak.

You've wanted to see her dumbass go say something. It wasn't until she saw Emily opening a locker that it hit her. Oh my god. "Oh my god," Hanna said, reiterating Alison's own thought. "She's going to school here?" Both Hanna and Alison said at the same time.

Just as the words left their mouths, Emily glanced over in their direction, making eye contact with the both of them. Her eyes lingered on Alison's for only a moment, but it felt like an eternity for the blonde. Emily showed no emotion other than slight surprise. Alison could see the deep inhale of Emily's before she turned her back to the blondes. Spencer saw Alison and clearly showed a face of hostility before directing her attention back to Emily.

Alison was mortified. She slung her purse over her shoulder and walked off towards the bathrooms with Hanna in tow. She burst through the bathroom door, thankfully finding the restroom empty. "Ali.." Hanna entered in after her, "Are you okay?" Alison clenched her jaw to fight off tears, "I'm a literal idiot! I stood there gawking at her like some freshman geek! Oh my god...she's going to school here," Alison rambled, breathing out the end of her sentence.

She was still in shock. "Did you know about this?" Alison confronted Hanna. "Why would I know that she started here Ali? I don't keep tabs on the girl like a stalker!" Hanna replied. Alison shook her head in disbelief and leaned up against the sink, both hands gripping the white porcelain. "This could be a good thing right? You said you wanted to see her," Hanna said with caution, still trying to gauge Alison's emotions.

"Yeah but I didn't think I would see her like that! I didn't even smile at her! I wanted to be prepared for seeing her again. Oh god what if we have classes together? Hanna I can't do this," Alison continued rambling. Her palms felt sweaty. Her face felt hot. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. "Okay calm down. Now you are acting like a stalker. She's not some celebrity Ali. It's just Emily," Hanna reasoned.

"Exactly," Alison replied as if it was obvious, "It's Emily." Hanna looked at her as if she were crazy. "Hanna I can't breath when I'm around her. Now after everything...seeing her...I-I don't know what to say," Alison explained. "Well what did you have rehearsed in your head?" Hanna asked. Alison took a deep breath, trying to keep her cool, "Every single thing I had prepared sounds completely idiotic now! I mean, did you see her."

Hanna rolled her eyes, "No shit Sherlock. Of course I saw her." Alison let out a deep breath, "No, I meant she looks drop dead gorgeous! Like who goes to Texas for a summer and comes back looking like a super model?!" Alison screeched. Hanna started giggling. Alison looked at her as if she could slap her, "It's not funny Hanna."

Hanna's laughed turned into a grin, "You so are still in love with her!" Alison shot her a look, "Duh!" Hanna put her hands up in defense, "Well it's news to me! Every time I've brought her up you've gone silent or changed the subject or told me I'm being annoying. How was I supposed to know?" Alison went to open her mouth, but the first bell rung.

"Oh fuck me," she muttered to herself. Hanna laughed again, "You'll be fine. I'll see you in second period, okay?" Alison nodded, but she felt like she could open a bathroom stall and throw up. Hanna opened the bathroom door and waited for Alison to follow, but the blonde felt glued to the sink.

Hanna gave her a look on empathy, "Ali, don't forget how amazing you are, okay? What I said months ago applies to Emily too. She would be an idiot if she let you go, especially now that you're not a raging drunk," Hanna teased. "Geez, thanks," Alison grumbled. "Come on, let's go before Hackett finds a reason to suspend us," Hanna gestured with her head out into the halls. Alison inhaled and flicked her hair behind her shoulders, walking off into the school with the best faux-confidence she could muster.

Emily

'Always With Me'

"Your love I once surrendered, has never left my mind.

My heart is just as tender,

as the day I called you mine.

I did not take you with me,

but you were never left behind."

-a poem from Memories by Lang Leav

Emily examined herself thoroughly in her floor length mirror. She tried on multiple outfits so far, but she finally settled on one. She reached for her tube of mascara and her eyes lingered on her bed through the reflection. She shook off the thought, taking a deep breath and applying her light touches of makeup.

Today was her first day of senior year, and more importantly, her first day at Rosewood High. After the craziness of the last year, she felt like change was needed. She had changed a lot...change that you couldn't see on the outside. She felt hardened. Tougher. Stronger. Confident. She built an invisible wall inside of her, and was determined to finish her senior year off as extraordinary.

She wanted to ace her AP classes, win state for swimming and break her previous records, and graduate with honors. Above all, she wanted a scholarship. Emily felt ordinary her whole life, as if she was nothing special. She wanted to see the best in herself that people saw in her and she was motivated to prove it to herself.

Emily felt as if she had lived to please other people, and that habit started at a young age; however, this year she wanted to appease herself. She had been let down one too many times in her life, and over the summer she realized that if she didn't let people in, no one could disappoint her.

Emily stared at her reflection. She had changed physically too. In the boring summer months in Texas, she had worked and pushed herself harder than she ever had. Her muscles were more defined and toned. Her hair was blonder and her jaw was sharper. She noticed herself aging out of her young adolescent body.

Emily's face blurred in the mirror as her eyes focused on the thing behind her: her bed. She inhaled. You're going to see her today. Show no emotion. Keep your guard up. Stay away. Every thought went against her heart, but she had no desire to trust her emotions anymore. Not after what happened. Never again, she thought.

She sat down on the bed and closed her eyes tightly. When they arrived back from Texas yesterday, Emily found a single strand of Alison's blonde hair on her pillow. The brunette had tried everything to forget her last night in Rosewood before her departure to Texas, but the memory resurfaced as if it were yesterday:

Emily hastily threw her clothes into a suitcase. Her tears had dried and her heart hardened. She refused to cry one more single tear for Alison. Her mother got her a flight out to Texas leaving at 5am the next morning. She called Spencer earlier that evening and asked her to watch the house for them in her absence.

She had just finished zipping up her bag when the doorbell rang downstairs. It's eleven at night. I swear if it's Hanna...I can't handle anymore of this. She angrily stomped down the stairs, preparing her speech to turn the blonde away, but as she ripped open the front door she faced a different blonde.

Her breath caught in her throat. It wasn't until Alison spoke that she recognized just how drunk the blonde was: "Emily," Alison muttered out, barely comprehensible. Emily saw the drunkenness in her glossy eyes. She was swaying in her stance. "Alison what are you doing here? You're drunk," she spat out harsher than she intended.

"Em I-I'm soooo sorry," Alison slurred as she took a step forward. Her foot caught on the doorway in the process. Emily immediately reached out and caught her, gripping Alison's biceps to steady her. Emily pulled her inside and closed the door with her foot. "How did you get here?" Emily asked with concern. She noticed Alison didn't have her purse or her car keys. Did she walk here? She's way past drunk. She's about to pass out.

Alison leaned her head off of the brunette's shoulder, making Emily's breathing falter at the proximity of their faces. "I could neverrrr...never hate you," Alison slurred out, trying but failing to look the brunette in her eyes. Emily grimaced as the alcohol from the blonde's lips hit her nose. She loosened her grip on Alison's arms to put space between them, but just as she did the blonde's eyes rolled back into her head.

Alison almost fell completely backwards. Emily's arms shot out and kept her from falling over, "Okay, okay. Um..." Emily thought out loud as she wrapped her arm around Alison's lower back, "Put your arm around my shoulder," she whispered into her ear. Alison lazily draped her arm over Emily. Okay. At least she's somewhat conscious. Alison tucked her head into the crook of Emily's neck, her warm breath hitting the tan skin.

"I'm going to carry you, okay?" Emily told her quietly. Alison mumbled something incoherent in response. Emily tightened her right arm that was around the blonde's lower back and used her left arm to swoop Alison off of the floor by the back of her thighs. Alison's head wobbled against her as she made her way slowly and carefully up the stairs.

Emily used her foot again to kick open the bathroom door. When she went to set Alison down, she realized the blonde had started to fall asleep in a drunken stupor. Emily looked around the bathroom as she held the blonde in her arms, deciding what to do. She cautiously set Alison down on the closed toilet seat, "Ali..." Emily said while lightly shaking the blonde.

She mumbled something that Emily couldn't make out again, with her head hung. "Ali, you need to stay awake," Emily shook her a tad bit harder this time, "You need to throw up." She knew that putting her to bed was not an option. She didn't have experience with drinking, but she remembered Hanna telling her a story one time at a sleepover about a girl choking on her own vomit in her sleep.

"Nooo," Alison finally spoke up, "I don't wanna," she complained as she lifted her head, finally becoming more alert. Emily held back a smirk from the blonde's childish behavior. She hurt you. She said she hated you. She said she wanted to never see you again. She doesn't want you. She's just too drunk to fully grasp what she's doing right now.

"You have to," Emily said softly as she bent down to her knees in front of her, still holding the blonde's arms firmly. She could tell Alison was having major spins from the alcohol due to her swinging head and unfocused eyes. "N-not until...we talk," Alison stuttered, her voice barely audible.

Emily gazed up at her with concern. She didn't want to talk. She knew Alison couldn't talk. Alison's glazed blue eyes met Emily's and she drunkingly reached a hand out to the brunette's face. Emily's jaw tightened against the soft hand lovingly pressed on her cheek. She wasn't prepared for the touch. It was intimate. For a short moment, Emily forgot every hurtful word that was said.

She turned her face, making Alison's hand fall away, "There's nothing else to be said," she replied quietly as she looked down at the bathroom tile. She heard the sniffle, then the cry, and finally the heart wrenching sob that came from Alison's mouth. Emily whipped her eyes back up to her. She hated hearing her cry. Am I being selfish? Am I being cruel?

"Hey," Emily cupped Alison's face with both of her hands, "Don't cry," she whispered. Alison shook her head in Emily's hands, "I'm s-sorry Em-Emily," she choked out. Emily furrowed her eyebrows. Deep down she knew Alison didn't hate her. She just hated what I did. She hated that I left her. She hated that I hooked up with someone.

As much as Emily knew the truth, she couldn't tell Alison that she forgave her. She couldn't tell her that it was okay. It was still too raw. The wound was too fresh. Maybe I am being selfish, but maybe I need to be. She wanted to be angry at Alison. She wanted to scream back at her, but here she was: drunk, alone, and crying in her bathroom.

No matter how hurt she was, none of that held a flame to the love she had for Alison. Nothing would. Nobody would, she thought. It terrified her. Knowing that it wasn't healthy for them to be together, yet also knowing that she would forever love the girl.

Emily didn't have all the answers. All she knew was that she was leaving for Texas in a few short hours. She would be gone. That'll fix this feeling. Being away from her will help. Emily wiped the steady flow of tears falling from Alison's eyes. She searched for meaning and answers in the crystal blue eyes looking back at her, but nothing came.

She held Alison's face until her crying slowed down. Emily went to pull her hands away but she was startled when Alison's hands flew up to grab her wrists, keeping the brunette trapped. "Please..." Alison mumbled. Please what? Hold you? Kiss you? Say I forgive you? Emily saw the slightest of movements from Alison. Her blue eyes flickered down to Emily's lips.

Emily's breathing turned shallow. Her cheeks warmed up. Her heart started beating erratically. Against her better judgement, her eyes glanced down at Alison's lips. She saw the light smile from the blonde, at that. She felt the air turn thick around them. Just as Alison leaned in, Emily yanked her hands away and stood up quickly. She saw the hurt across Alison's face.

Emily finally came to her senses once she put space in between them, "We shouldn't...we can't...we're not together anymore...you're drunk...you...you said you never wanted to see me again," she muttered out. Emily knew it wasn't fair to try to talk to her when Alison was so drunk.

She knew it was pointless really, but seeing the pain in Alison's eyes triggered something inside of her, and she snapped: "Don't look at me like that. You don't have that right Alison. You don't have the right to come here. You shouldn't be here!" Her voice started raising higher as her emotions took control.

She ripped her eyes away from the blonde's and turned around, facing the closed bathroom door. The door Emily pushed Alison up against when they first kissed. "You..." Emily's voice cracked, "You..." tears started building. Emily tightened her jaw and closed her eyes. Don't cry. She turned back around to face Alison.

The blonde looked up at her with glassy, lost eyes. Seeing her so soon after what Alison said to her was too much. She swallowed a sob building in the back of her throat, "Why is it so hard for me to be mad at you?" She begged for answers that she couldn't give to herself. She watched Alison attempt the stand on unsteady legs.

Alison went to open her mouth to say something, but then panic rose in the blonde's eyes. Alison stumbled back to the toilet and yanked the seat up, hurling into it. Emily sighed and bent down beside the blonde to hold her hair up. She grabbed a hair tie off of her wrist and pulled the blonde locks into a pony tail. She felt a pang of guilt when Alison was throwing up.

God why did she have to come here? Why did I have to yell at her? Why am I feeling guilty? This only makes everything worse. Just because she's drunk doesn't change anything. This is too confusing. I can't even think straight. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to gather her emotions. Emily rubbed Alison's back gingerly. Alison coughed roughly and groaned after she finished, and Emily reached up and flushed the toilet.

The blonde's head hung into the toilet bowl. "Ali...let me take you to bed," Emily offered. Alison sniffled and wiped her hand across her mouth, getting vomit on skin. Emily grimaced and lightly pulled the blonde's hand away, "Don't do that. Can you stand up?" Alison moaned and shook her head. I started yelling at her when she's trashed. Why did I do that? This is why we need space. We can't keep doing this.

"Okay," Emily said softly, "Let's get you cleaned up." She wrapped her arm around the front of Alison's stomach, hoisting her up. Just as Emily got her standing, Alison turned and wrapped both of her arms around Emily's neck, laying her head on the brunette's shoulder. Emily froze in the blonde's arms, "Ali..."

"Just...hold me. Just for a second...please," Alison whispered into her ear. Emily gulped, "Ali this isn't-" "-Please." Emily felt tears build in her eyes, and against all better judgement she tightened her arms around the blonde, pulling her closer into her body. She rested her chin on top of Alison's head.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Emily asked quietly. "Emily..." Alison's lips grazed her the skin on her neck, making Emily's muscles tighten and shutter. "...I love you," Alison finished through her inebriated voice. Emily let the tears silently fall from her eyes, "I know. I love you too," she replied, biting back the pain in her voice.

Alison lifted her head off of Emily's shoulder. For a moment, Emily thought Alison would try to kiss her again, but instead the blonde whispered out the quietest words: "I knowww...I-I know it's over," she slurred. Alison put her fingers softly on Emily's cheek bone, "Just please know that...that I'll alwaysss love you. Always."

Emily looked at her with anguish, "Ali..." she didn't know what to say. Alison inhaled deeply and smiled sadly at her, "I-I should go." Emily's eyes widened, "No. You're not going anywhere. You're still drunk," Emily grabbed her forearm, "You can stay," she whispered and rubbed a finger across Alison's skin. She met Alison's stormy eyes, "Stay," Emily said again. Alison's eyes dropped down to the brunette's fingers on her forearm, making Emily pull her hand as if it were on fire.

Emily took a step back and cleared her throat, "Um...you still have your old toothbrush here if you need it..." she motioned with her hand awkwardly towards the cabinet. Alison nodded and turned towards the sink. She stood protectively behind her and watched the blonde wash up and brush her teeth. Emily was still scared that she could fall and hit her head.

Emily leaned up against the door and shoved her hands into her pockets. Just as she heard the blonde spit into the sink, she lifted her head. Her heart beat sped up when she saw Alison looking at her through the reflection. They held each other's gaze for a few seconds.

Emily felt words catch in her throat. She saw the haziness of Alison's eyes. It reminded her of the state the blonde was still in. There were so many things she wanted to say...so many things she wished she could say, but instead she chose the latter: "Here," she said as she stepped forward and put her hand on the small of Alison's back, "I'll help you to the room."

Alison still swayed in her steps as Emily guided her into the bedroom and towards the bed. She held the blonde close with one arm and used the other to yank her comforter and sheets down. Emily let go of her and Alison plopped onto the bed. Emily knelt down beside her and gently tugged off the blonde's heels. How did she walk here like this in heels?

"Thanks," Alison whispered in a hushed tone. Emily's eyes slowly lifted up to the blonde. The look Alison gave her made her body react instinctively. She wasn't lost to the position she was in, kneeling between the blonde's legs. It took everything inside of Emily to break eye contact and stand up. Alison slid into the sheets. Her cheeks flushed when she heard the blonde moan in contentment. What's wrong with you?

Emily cleared her throat and turned around, avoiding any eye contact. She walked over and pulled out a t shirt and shorts for Alison to sleep in. "Do you need water or Advil?" Emily asked as she turned back around with the clothes in her hands, but her voice died off when she saw that Alison had already passed out.

Emily sighed and set the clothes on top of her dresser. She walked over to the bed and pulled the sheets over Alison, tucking her in gently. It had all been so sudden and shocking having Alison in her presence like that again. Emily felt like she didn't even have a chance to take it all in yet. She studied the blonde's features. Her freckles showing through her foundation. The rosiness on her cheeks. The dimple in her chin.

She reached her fingers out to swipe a strand of hair out of Alison's face. Her hand lingered on her cheek, feeling the warmth radiating from her skin. Alison was breathing softly in her slumber. Emily smiled lightly. She had missed seeing the blonde in such a cute, innocent state. Don't be a creep and watch her sleep Emily, she scolded herself. Even with the blonde asleep, being near her was intoxicating. No matter how hard she tried, Alison was like a magnet to her.

That's why you need to leave, she thought, if anything, tonight was a confirmation that I need to go...I need space. Emily walked over and grabbed her phone and the clothes lying on her dresser. She quietly left the room and closed the door behind her, scrolling down her contact list on her phone as she made her way across the hallway.

She hit dial once she closed the bathroom door behind her, sitting on the side of shower tub. It rang only twice before Hanna picked up: "Emily? Are you okay? I've been wanting to call you, but I figured you needed your space. I am so sorry about tonight. I really don't know what I was thinking and-" "-Hanna, take a breath," Emily let out a small laugh.

"I'm sorry. I just thought I'd never hear from you again is all. I really screwed up big." "It wasn't your fault, okay?" Emily replied. "I'm still so sorry Em." Emily paused before replying, "Hanna I need a favor." "Of course! I probably owe you like a million favors after today. What's up?" Hanna asked.

"It's Alison," Emily answered, "I need you to come pick her up from my house tomorrow morning." Hanna audibly gasped into the phone, "No she didn't." "Yeah..." "Oh my god what did she say?! Did you two talk?!"

Emily sighed, "She was really drunk when she came over. She'll probably be super hungover in the morning, and thankfully she didn't drive here so I figured you could come give her a ride home," Emily replied, avoiding Hanna's questions. "Shit...well yeah of course I'll come get her. Wait, why am I picking her up again?"

"I have a flight out to Texas in the morning. I'm leaving the house around 4. I doubt Alison will be awake then anyways. So I was going to leave the key outside in the flower pot for you to get in." "Texas? What for?" "To visit my parents." "Oh gotcha." "...for the summer," Emily added.

"Wait, you're going to be in Texas for the whole summer?" "Yeah." "Em, does this have anything to do with Ali?" "Listen can you just lock up the house for me on your way out? Leave the key in the flower pot. Spencer is watching the house for us while we're gone," Emily dodged Hanna's question. "Sure, no problem, but Em-" "-Thanks Hanna. Have a good summer." Emily hung up the phone before Hanna had a chance to get another word in.

She felt more guilt wash over her as she stared at Hanna's number on her phone, but she pushed back the emotion. Don't feel guilty. You need to be selfish. You need to protect yourself. You need to leave this place. You need to get out, she told herself as she sat on the edge of the tub.

Emily came back into her bedroom, freshly changed into the intended sleepwear for Alison, and stopped for a moment. Her heart still sped up on its own accord from seeing Alison in her bed, as if she wasn't aware of that fact in the first place. She stood in contemplation. Do I sleep on the floor? Downstairs? No...I need to make sure she doesn't lay on her back. Okay. Here it is then.

So that's what Emily did, but she didn't sleep. For four hours she sat beside Alison on top of the comforter, watching the blonde's every tiny move as she slept. Emily had missed the little things Alison did while sleeping...things only a lover would know:

She would regularly get cold and yank the blankets from the other side of the bed. Alison would mumble things in her sleep every so often. Her hair would be tangled in the morning from her tossing and turning whenever she was dreaming.

During those quite hours before Emily had to leave, she had a battle between her heart and her mind. She knew she had to go to Texas, but leaving Alison was harder than she thought it would be. Granted, she wasn't expecting the blonde to show up on her doorstep...or to be sleeping in her bed. Emily was worried about her. She knew it wasn't her responsibility to help Alison, but she also knew it was partially her fault the blonde was drinking herself into oblivion.

You tried, and she didn't want your help. Being friends is not an option. That wouldn't be healthy for us either. I want to be there for her, but if I had to see her as just a friend I would probably be drinking too. If I leave, it really is over. I'll be hundreds of miles away. She'll move on. Do I want her to move on? Do I want to move on?

Yes of course you do...that's the right thing to do. I need to heal. Being in Rosewood is not the place to heal and move past this. But what if she keeps drinking...what if she hurts herself? All because of me...I could never live with myself. But there's no guarantee I would even be able to help her. I know I can't help. I already tried and it only made things worse.

Maybe I'm being a coward. Maybe I am selfish. Leaving her when she is like this...but maybe I haven't been selfish enough.

But I miss her. Her being here...so close...it hurts. It hurts to love her. Love shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't be this complicated, but I still do love her. I should've told her I will always love her too. Does she know that? Should I write her a letter for her on the nightstand...?...No...No, that'll just make everything more of a shit show. It'll just hurt her.

This is why I need to go. Her just being in my bed makes me question every decision I've made. She isn't good for me right now, and I'm not good for her either. She was just too drunk to know what she was saying...she doesn't want me. She doesn't need me. If I go, I need to go. No calls. No texts. No nothing. This back and forth is confusing and painful. I want her to be happy. I want her to heal. She can't do that when I'm around.

Emily's thoughts were interrupted when Alison flipped onto her other side, tossing her arm around the brunette's legs. Emily was sat up with her back against the headboard. She held her breath and stayed completely still. Alison looked completely angelic and at peace. It reminded her of how many times she would wake up with half of Alison's body on top of her when they were together.

Alison loved to cuddle and sometimes it would be almost suffocating while they were sleeping, but Emily never had the heart to move her...she still didn't. She lifted her hand, pausing for a moment before placing it back in her lap. After a minute, she couldn't hold back anymore. This is my official goodbye to you. This is how we leave it. I wish it wasn't like this. What I would do to change how I'm leaving you...but I can't.

So, Emily let her hand travel to Alison's head. She pushed back her hair and lightly scraped her nails across the blonde's scalp. Alison mumbled something under her breath and shifted closer to her, almost lying her head entirely on Emily's lap. Her fingers froze. Please don't wake up. Please stay asleep. I can't face you again.

Emily waited until she heard Alison's breathing get deeper before she continued running her tan fingers through her hair. She trailed a finger down the smooth skin of Alison's arm that was draped over her legs. Eventually she wrapped her arm around Alison's shoulder, her hand resting on her back.

Emily stayed until the very last second, knowing that if she pushed it another minute there was a very real possibility that she would miss her flight. She carefully picked up Alison's arm and slid out from under the blonde's embrace. Emily turned her back to the bed, bending down to pick up her suitcase. She heard Alison shift in the bed at the same time, making her freeze in her bent down position. Please don't wake up Ali.

Emily leaned up slowly with the suitcase in her hand, intent on not looking at Alison before she left, but she heard a quite moan, "I love you," Alison mumbled out in her slumber, clearly still not fully awake and alert. Emily felt tears prick her eyes. It reminded her of when she would wake up early for her morning runs and Alison would still be sleeping peacefully. No matter how careful and quite Emily tried to be to not wake her up, somehow Alison always knew when she left the bed.

Emily cleared her throat to fight back the tears as she turned to face the sleeping girl. She bent down and placed a soft, gentle kiss on Alison's cheek, "I love you too," she whispered as a single tear fell from her cheek and onto Alison's. With that, Emily walked out of the room, only turning once at the doorway to take a final look at Alison through the moonlit room. Goodbye.

A knock on her bedroom door startled Emily, "Come in." Mrs. Fields opened her door and peeled her head inside, "I have breakfast made downstairs." Emily smiled and stood up to grab her backpack, "Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

Pam rested her hand on the door, "You need to eat Emmy." Emily tossed her backpack over her shoulder, "I'll be fine mom." Her mother stood in front of the doorway and blocked her attempt to leave, "Are you nervous?" She asked. Emily shrugged, "It's just high school. Plus I pretty much know everyone there from swimming."

"What about Alison? Have you talked to her since we got back?" Pam pushed. Emily sighed, "No," she replied shortly. Her mother looked at her with concern, "You still haven't told me what happened between you two." Emily huffed in annoyance, "It doesn't matter anymore mom."

"It does matter Emily. You two were tied at the hip...practically inseparable. I know she meant a lot to you. I let you have the summer to work through everything, but I'm your mom. I deserve to know what's going on in your life," Pam continued. Emily rolled her eyes, "Can I go now? I'm going to be late."

Pam ignored her daughter, "You know, I did really like Alison. I hope I wasn't the one who caused issues between the two of you," her mother said genuinely. Emily looked down at the floor, "It wasn't your fault mom," she replied quietly. "Well it's never too late to fix things. Maybe you could invite her over for dinner soon? I worry about her family life," Pam offered.

"No thanks," Emily grumbled under her breath. "What about Hanna? She always seemed to tag along with you and Alison. Have you talked to her?" Emily popped her lip between her teeth, getting extremely annoyed, "She's Alison's best friend...so no, we don't talk anymore." Emily saw the classic look of concern to across her mom's face, "Why mom?" She asked exasperatingly.

"I just worry about you making friends," Pam explained. Emily held back another eye roll, "I have Spencer." "Spencer can't be your only friend Emily," Pam shot right back. "Mom, how many times have we had this conversation? I'm fine. I promise," Emily breathed out impatiently.

Pam looked at her in disbelief, "I worry you're not enjoying your high school experience. You're only this age once. Your father and I are proud that you're so focused and dedicated, but don't forget to have some fun." Emily let the strap of her backpack drop off of her shoulder and onto her arm, "I can't get into a good school by having fun. You and dad both know I need a scholarship."

"You shouldn't be this stressed out about money at your age Emily. You're an amazing swimmer. I'm sure many good colleges will want you," Pam argued. "I don't just want good colleges mom, I want the best," Emily raised her voice, "I need to go, okay? I'm going to be late. I'm supposed to meet Spencer for coffee before school." Pam stared at her for a moment before nodding, "Okay. I love you." Emily pulled her backpack up and leaned in to hug her mom, "I love you too."

Emily slammed her car door shut behind her. The conversation she had with her mother put her in a sour mood. One day back and she's already getting brought up again...from my own mother. She angrily tossed her backpack onto the passenger seat, accidentally spilling the contents all over the floor.

She huffed and leaned across the middle console to pick everything up, but she froze when her fingers found a opened envelope. She sat back into her car seat and stared at it. The envelope was wrinkly from the many times she had opened it and re-read the letter. The writing on the front with the addresses had faded. She kept it in her backpack all summer, and she forgot it was in there until now. Great. Just great. She's everywhere.

Emily was irritable and grumpy. She was annoyed with herself. She was confused, but she didn't want to be. She thought by now, after three months in Texas, that the feeling would be gone by now. The feeling did dissipate after being in Texas, but it still lingered like a ghost she couldn't exorcise. It helped that she wasn't in a town that reminded her of Alison everywhere she turned, but now that she was back in Rosewood she felt overwhelmed by the blonde's presence.

She even met someone new. A girl named Maya. Her father was in the army just like Emily's. They ran into each other so many times on the Army base that they finally started hanging out together. It didn't take long for things to turn from friendship into romance. Their relationship was sweet, simple, and easy. They dated for over a month, but somehow even being hundreds of miles away from Alison, the blonde showed up in her life:

On a warm, humid evening in June, Emily was smiling to herself as she walked home. She had just left Maya's house and was trying to get home for dinner before she would be late. The two of them had been hanging out every day the past two weeks, and Emily felt the most happiness she had felt in a very long time.

Maya had kissed her for the first time only a few short minutes ago. Her lips still tingled from the sensation and she was buzzing with excitement. She liked the brunette a lot. Maya was bold, daring, and adventurous. In a certain sense, Maya reminded her of Alison, but she pushed that thought into the farthest depths of her mind.

Emily had zero intentions of meeting somebody new, let alone actually falling for someone, but it was happening. Emily loved that Maya could understand the pain of having your father travel overseas into danger, considering she was an army kid too. Maya was openly proud and out, and Emily loved that fact even more. It was refreshing.

The sun was setting as she got closer to her parent's home. The sunset casted an orange glow over her. Emily's heart sped up inside her chest. The colors reminded her of Alison. The day at the lake many months ago, when Alison professed her feelings for her, the sun casted the same bright orange.

Emily quickly shoved the thought away in her mind. She instead thought of Maya and how much she liked her. Those thoughts were easy...They were simple...They didn't bring her pain...They didn't make her want to rip her heart out of her chest and chuck it across the street. Yet, despite that fact, Alison reappeared in her mind as if it were yesterday. Damn you, she cursed herself, and secondly, Alison.

Emily was still riding a high as she entered her parent's small apartment, "Hi," she greeted her mom and dad and kicked off her sneakers. "You're late," her mother replied as she set down the last dish for their dinner on the table. Emily looked at her sheepishly, "Sorry."

She walked over to her father sitting at the table and leaned down to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Somebody is in a good mood," Wayne commented as Emily sat down in a seat beside him. "I am," Emily replied cheerily. "How's Maya?" He asked while reaching to a bowl to serve himself. "Wayne," Pam scolded her husband as she sat down beside them and gently swatted his prying hand away, "We have to say grace," she said as she held out her hands. As Mrs. Fields prayed, Emily felt a small pang of guilt. I hope you're happy too Ali.

The three of them ate together joyously. Another contributor to her happiness: having her father home. Well, not home home, but here. We're together. That's all that matters. Emily helped her mother clear the table. "Oh honey, I almost forgot," Pam mentioned as she walked over and sifted through envelopes, "You got a letter in the mail today."

Emily froze as she set the dishes in the sink, turning around to face her mom, "From who?" Pam was still nonchalantly flipping through the mail, trying to find the letter. "Ah, here it is," her mother said, handing it over to her, "It's from Alison." Emily already saw the name on the return address before her mom told her who it was from.

She took it from her mother's hand as if it were a loaded bomb. "I had no idea kids still send letters these days," Wayne commented from the living room. "Remember when we would write each other letters every week when we first started dating?" Pam directed her attention to Wayne, but her parent's conversation turned into background noise as Emily stared down at the handwriting.

"I-I um...I'm going to go to my room," Emily mumbled, but her eyes were focusing intently on the letter in her hand. Emily rushed off into her bedroom. As soon as she closed the door behind her she carefully slid her finger up under the flap on the envelope, trying to open it without a tear.

She pulled out a single page of notebook paper. Her hands shook as she saw Alison's neat, pretty handwriting across it. Emily slowly walked over to her bed in shock as she read the letter:

"Emily,

There are a lot of things I want to say to you...things I wish I could say in person, but I know that's not possible right now. So I'm writing you this. I'm not sure I can even fit everything I want to say into one letter, but I want to start with the most important: I'm sorry. I know an apology doesn't change what I said to you. I know that I can't take those words back, but I want you to know more than anything how sorry I am.

I was angry and drunk and I said things to you that I didn't mean. It's my biggest regret. I hope you know that I don't hate you. I never could hate you. I love you. You didn't ruin everything, I did. I know I've hurt you in many ways. I was so angry after you broke it off, but my anger was misdirected at you.

I was angry at myself. I was unhappy with myself and I took that out on you. I couldn't see past my anger. I was so focused on being mad at you that I couldn't look inside and see the real reason why I was so unhappy. I've been mad at my dad for leaving. I've been mad at my mom for drinking and not caring. I've been mad at the cards I was dealt.

I was angry because my life was all of the same. It was full of the same awful, predictable shit. My father would still be gone no matter how bad I wished he was home. My mother would be drunk no matter how hard I prayed she was sober. I would go to work no matter how much I tried to pretend I was someone else, doing something fantastic. People at school would be dull and annoying no matter how bad I imagined they were interesting and different. I let that anger fester. I lived in the anger for a long time, and then I met you.

You were the unexpected thing in my life Emily...the most amazing, inspiring, beautiful thing. You showed me there was more to life...more to me...more to love, but I wasn't ready to accept it. I wasn't ready for you and all that you are, but I wanted to keep you. I had you promise me that you wouldn't leave me and I now know how wrong that was of me to ask of you.

I wasn't able to give you what you need in a partner. I wasn't fair to you in our relationship and I know that now. When we first met, I tried to bury my feelings and ignore the way I felt about you. After we started dating, I still tried to hide that part of me. I wanted to keep you and keep you my secret, and I'm so sorry for putting that burden onto you.

I have always wanted to be perceived a certain way by people, but meeting you, Emily, changed that for me. You changed everything. You didn't ruin a single thing. You made everything better...you made me better. I hate to say this, but you leaving me helped me too. I fought so hard to maintain control and to keep you. It's hard for me to not have control. Controlling how I look, how I act, what I do...it helped keep the anger at bay. Everything else in my life was out of my control, so I projected my need for control onto you.

Emily, you also showed me it's okay to be out of control. If anything, you showed me that no matter how hard a person tries to control things, the harder it is to maintain that power. Nothing is constant. Everything is changing. We changed...I lost you and that scared the hell out of me. I lost control of myself when you left, and that was even scarier.

You, my sweet Emily, are a gift. Your love is a gift and I was so lucky to be given your love. I did lose you, and I understand why you left. I realized there is something I can control though. I tried to control the physical things and failed, but I can control everything else...the things inside me...my emotions. I never have liked to sit with my emotions, especially the bad ones...like anger and sadness and resentment, but I know now that if I don't, I won't ever change.

So I'm starting with an important one...one that pushed us apart. It's a part of me. It's who I am. I'm still struggling to accept it, but I am bisexual. It's even hard for me to write down. That's such a weird thing to say…bisexual? Why do I have to label myself? I don't know, but that's what I am.

I tried so hard to ignore that part of myself when I was with you. I didn't want to accept it but I'm trying. You still loved me in spite of everything and I'll forever be grateful for that. I realize now that I can't fully love someone else without loving myself first. I was trying to be the perfect person for you, but how could I be a good partner without loving myself first?

Emily, I know I've hurt you, but I want to try to fix things. I want to be better and I'm trying. I want to be a better person for myself, but I also want to be a better person for you. I miss you with every part of my being. I know that you are angry at me and I understand why. I'm so sorry for causing you pain. I understand if you never want to talk to me or see me again, but I can't stand to live in a world without you in it.

I hope we can repair things, if you'll let me? I know I'm not in the position to ask anything of you, but I hope you'll forgive me. I'll do anything to get your forgiveness. I want to work for your forgiveness. I know you need space right now, but I promise you that I am going to fight for you. I'm still in love with you. I think I always will be. Let me make things right.

I hope you are enjoying Texas. How is your dad?

All my love, Alison xoxo "

Emily stared down at the words, rereading them over and over until her eyes were red and puffy from crying. After an hour had passed, she put the piece of paper back inside the envelope. Her eyes focused on the front of the envelope. Wait...The mailing address...that's not Alison's handwriting. Who would've...who could've...Spencer.

Emily reached for her phone and hit dial. "Hey Em!" Spencer greeted cheerily. "Hey..." Emily said back. She wasn't sure how she felt. She didn't know if she was angry that Spencer gave Alison her new address or if she was grateful. "This summer has been so dull without you. The only interesting thing I have going on is remodeling the barn."

Emily's eyes were glazed over, staring at the envelope in her hand. "Emily? You there?" "Sorry...Spencer, why did you give my address to Ali?" Spencer now was the one who paused over the phone. "You got it then?" "Yes, today." "Are you mad?" "No...kind of...I don't know. Why did you?"

"She came over to my place a few days ago. She was insistent that I mailed it to you...I wasn't going to at first, but she said it was important. I assumed it was an apology and I didn't want to be the person who stood in the way of that." "You should've told me." "I know, I'm sorry Em. I just didn't know what to say."

Emily sighed, "It's okay. Thank you...for sending it." "What did she write?" Spencer asked. Emily paused. "You don't have to tell me," Spencer said after Emily stayed silent. "She said a lot...I-I'm still processing it all." "Well how are you feeling?" Emily flopped onto her bed and groaned dramatically, "Confused."

"Do you think you'll write her back?" Spencer asked. Emily sighed again, "I don't know. I shouldn't right? I mean that was the whole point of coming out here...to give myself space...to give her space...ugh. What should I do?" "I can't tell you what to do." "I know."

"How are things with Maya?" "They're good...it's great actually. Things with her are easy." "You say that like it's not a good thing." "It is a good thing. I just...I-" "-Miss Alison?" "Yeah," Emily breathed out, "I shouldn't, but I do. And now she sent me this letter..." "You need something easy Em. I think you were used to the chaos." "What do you mean?"

"Alison was exciting and fun, but there were also a lot of ups and downs. I think I read somewhere that people get addicted to the rollercoaster. So when you get into a healthy relationship that is easy, you crave the craziness you had with your ex." "Oh..." "She was your first love. It's only natural to miss her. Your first love will always have a place in your heart no matter what."

"You're right. I think I'm just overthinking it. How was she though? When she came to your house...how did she look?" "She seemed okay. I don't really know her well enough to tell." "Right-" Emily's voice was cut off from her dad knocking on her door and peeking his head inside. "Spence I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." "Okay sounds good. Love you." "Love you too."

Emily set her phone down, "Dad, what's up?" Wayne smiled and motioned with his hand towards her bed, "Can I?" Emily scooted over, "Of course." "So," her dad said as he sat beside her, "We've caught up on all things school and swimming, but what about your friends?"

Emily sighed, "Dad, I already told mom that I have friends. She always brings it up and I promise-" "-That's not what I meant," Wayne interrupted her. "Oh," Emily replied as she took a deep breath. "What I should've said...what I meant to ask..." her father stumbled over his words. Emily scrunched her eyebrows together, fully confused.

"Listen, your Ma told me about Alison. She said you two were more than friends," he hinted. Emily parted her mouth in shock. She waited for her dad to continue, but instead he sat silently beside her. "We were, but we aren't anymore," Emily spoke up, still confused as to what her dad was getting at.

"She also told me you took the breakup really hard. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not being there. I've missed a lot of things in your life," Wayne said somberly. Emily put her hand out onto her dad's, "Dad, it's okay. I'm used to it."

Her dad smiled at her, "Well that's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. Your Ma and I have decided that it's time for me to come home." Emily widened her eyes, "Wait, you mean that you're retiring?" She asked with excitement. He chuckled, "That's the goal, but not quite yet. I still have another tour after you and your Ma go back home."

"But after that? Then you're retiring?" Emily was practically jumping off of the bed with joy. "I will be, yes," Wayne replied, "I'm sorry I'll be missing most of your senior year." Emily wrapped her arms around her dad, "I'm just glad you'll be home after Iraq," she mumbled into his shirt.

"So, that letter..." Wayne said as she looked down at the stationary on her bed, "...Does that have anything to do with the fact that you were crying?" Emily tensed up and leaned out of the hug, "I wasn't crying." Wayne smirked lightly, "You've never been a good liar Emmy." Emily smiled at that, "I'm okay dad."

Wayne raised an eyebrow, "Care to share what happened between the two of you?" Emily broke eye contact and gazed down at the envelope, "She was my best friend, but she wasn't ready to come out yet. It was too hard to keep it a secret. I felt like I was suffocating towards the end." Wayne nodded in understanding and contemplation.

"And how do you feel now?" He asked. Emily pursed her lips, "I miss her...a lot, but I think it's for the best." "You think? Or you know?" He asked back. "I know that it was becoming unhealthy, but there's a part of me that'll always wonder..." her voice trailed off, "I just keep waiting for the pain to go away, but it hasn't."

"Did she love you right?" Her dad asked in a stern tone. Emily smiled softly, "She did." Wayne nodded in approval, "Well kiddo, it's your heart and you're the only one who can decide what to do with it. All I want for you is to be happy," he said as he patted her on the knee. Emily gave him a small smile. "Alright, your old man will leave you be. Goodnight sweetheart."

Emily watched him get up from the bed, "Goodnight dad." Before Wayne left the room, Emily stopped him: "Dad? Can you keep this between us?" She asked. It had always been easy for her to talk with her dad, but she knew if her mother heard about it, Pam would be relentless with questions and overbearing with her worry.

Wayne gave her a knowing smile, "You got it," he replied, but before her closed the door behind him he turned back around, "Emmy," he said, making Emily look up, "Your partner should always be your best friend, and finding that isn't easy. One piece of advice...don't let your best friend go unless you're 100% sure."

Emily gently tucked the letter in a side pocket of her backpack. She was bitter. She knew she shouldn't be, but she was. Alison said all of the things she wanted to hear, but it was too late. When she received it in the mail, she was with Maya.

She was bitter for two reasons: why couldn't she had told me those things sooner? Things could've been so different if she had. And the second reason: why did she have to send that right when I started something with somebody new? I finally felt like I was starting to move on (well, sort of), and she comes back into my life. Is she psychic?

Emily finished zipping up her backpack before turning her car on, but just as she did, the radio started playing a song: In My Veins. She inhaled instinctively as she heard the music playing. It was the song that Alison had playing when they shared their first time together.

Emily reached up and changed the radio station quickly. Her bad mood had now turned into an awful one. She wasn't just bitter, she felt lost. Emily wrestled with writing Alison back for a long time. She even wrote out multiple letters, but it never felt right. It never sounded right. She couldn't find the right words.

Part of that was because she felt guilty while doing so. She had a girlfriend, but even that didn't last long. No matter how hard Emily tried to move past her feelings for Alison, they somehow still resurfaced:

"Is this because I'm going back to Rosewood?" Emily was begging for answers. Maya crossed her arms over her body, "No Emily. You know why." Emily threw her hands up in the air, "Enlighten me," she said with frustration. "Do you really want me to say it?" Maya shouted at her.

"Yes! You can't just say it's not working out anymore without giving me a reason!" Emily argued back. There was a long, silent pause before Maya spoke: "Alison," she said firmly. The breath in Emily's lungs left her, "W-what? Why? She's not in the picture," she said, her voice wavering. Maya scoffed lightly, "She always has been and you know it," she spat out with bitterness in her voice.

"That's not true!" Emily yelled back, her voice cracking. "You can't even say her name Emily! I've tried to get you to talk about her and you never give me any details," Maya breathed out. "Well it's not like I want to tell my girlfriend about my ex, Maya. Why does it matter?" Emily was growing more frustrated.

"You're still in love with her," Maya replied simply. Emily could barely breath now, "T-That's not…I'm not," she answered, but anyone with a pair of ears could hear the unsteadiness in her answer. "Look me in and eye and tell me that then," Maya challenged her. Emily stared her girlfriend in the eyes with every intention of telling her what she wanted to hear, but nothing came out of her mouth.

Maya scoffed and picked up her bag. Emily jumped up from her bed and grabbed the shorter brunette's arm, "Maya wait. Please don't do this." Maya could barely look her in the eyes, "Emily I love you, but I'm not going to be second best." Emily's eyes widened, "You're not second best."

"I am, and that's okay, but you need to figure out who you want. Whether it's her or me or nobody. You need to do that on your own," Maya said as she pulled her arm away. Emily moved to the space between her and the door, "I want you, not her." Maya gave her a sad smile, "Even the way you say 'her' tells me the opposite."

Maya moved around Emily and opened the door. Emily's mind was screaming at herself to stop her from leaving, but for some reason all she could do...all she could say was: "Maya-" "-Take care of yourself, okay?" Maya said sadly while giving Emily one more look before leaving the room.

Emily's thoughts drifted as she pulled into a parking lot close to The Brew. She was excited to see her best friend after being apart for so long. Emily hopped out of her car with a pep in her step and walked inside her place of work.

She greeted her coworkers and ordered an americano. While she waited for Spencer, her thoughts lingered on her dad. He left to go overseas this morning and Emily was able to Skype him before his flight. She missed him already. The sinking feeling hit her stomach as it had many times before. She figured she wouldn't ever get used to him leaving, but this time was going to be the last, and that comforted her.

She regularly thought of what her father said to her when they talked about Alison earlier that summer. Emily battled with the idea that she may have made a mistake by leaving Alison, but she had other worries that plagued her mind now. Spending the majority of her summer with Maya was nice. In a way, it was a distraction. Not that Maya was solely a distraction. Emily did have love for her, but it helped keep her worries at bay.

Emily had been well aware of her parent's finances for a while now. She knew they would help her financially any way that they could, but Emily had set her sights high. She didn't want to go to some ordinary school and have a decent college swimming career. She wanted to get into an extraordinary school and have a record setting college swimming career; however, she needed scholarships.

Emily's racing mind was tuned out by the bell on the front door of The Brew ringing. She smiled and stood up as Spencer pulled Emily into a big hug, "I missed you so much," Spencer greeted. Emily smiled as she hugged her back, "I missed you too Spence." Spencer looked her up and down, "Damn Em, Texas did you good. You look great!" she grinned.

Emily let out a chuckle and tucked a piece of her curled hair behind her ear, "Yeah well, living on a boring Army base with nothing to do turns into multiple workouts a day," she joked, "How is the battle of the barn with Melissa going?" She watched Spencer's face fall, "I lost. Her and the stupid new fiancé are moving into it."

"I'm sorry Spence," Emily sympathized with her. Spencer shook it off, "So, you ready for your first day at the lovely Rosewood High?" She asked sarcastically. Emily smiled, "I am actually. I'm going to kick ass with swimming, get a fat scholarship, and kiss this town goodbye." Spencer grinned proudly, "Hell yeah you are. Let me order a coffee and then we can sit."

Spencer returned with a large cup. Emily grimaced as she looked at her friend's coffee, "What do you have in there? Jet fuel?" She teased. Spencer smirked, "Try a red eye with 6 shots." Emily widened her eyes, "Jesus Spence, you're going to have a heart attack."

"The three AP classes and two college courses are more than likely to give me a heart attack than this," Spencer replied as she took a generous sip. "Ugh don't remind me of AP classes. This year is going to kick my ass," Emily grumbled. Spencer laughed, "I thought you just said you're going to be kicking ass this year, not receive an ass kicking?"

"Swimming, yes. School, not so much. Unfortunately I can't get into division one colleges on swimming alone," Emily replied as she drank her coffee. "Speaking of, where are you planning to apply to?" Spencer asked. "Berkley, Stanford, UCLA, and Cal, but I have back up options," Emily answered.

"All of those are in California," Spencer noted, "I could totally see you being a Cali girl." Emily smiled, "Honestly, anywhere far from here would be great." Spencer frowned, "You sure you don't want to go to UPenn with me?" she asked while pouting her lips like a child.

"No offense, but brick and ivy is all you, not me," Emily teased back. "Does Alison have anything to do with you running off to California?" Spencer asked with a raised eyebrow. Emily shot her a look, "Really?" She asked with annoyance. Spencer put her hands up in defense, "Just wondering." Emily sighed, "Spence, I'm over it, okay? If I wasn't, do you think I'd be going to a school where I'll see her everyday?"

"It's okay if you're not over it, you know?" Spencer added quietly as she sipped her coffee. Emily rolled her eyes, "I am. Now come on, we're going to be late," she said before she downed the rest of her americano. "I'm still very curious as to what she wrote you though," Spencer continued pushing as she stood up from the couch. "Not today, Velma," Emily joked. "I do make a good a Velma. You're totally Daphne," Spencer joked back as they walked out of the coffee shop.

Emily's first day of school had been going well so far. She saw Hanna and Alison at the beginning of the day, but thankfully she didn't have any morning classes with them. She was walking to the cafeteria for lunch when a voice startled her: "Emily, hey!" Paige pushed through a group of boys to reach her.

"Hey!" Emily greeted back and gave her a side hug. "Sydney told me you were going to school here now, but I didn't believe it!" Paige joked as she opened the cafeteria doors for the two of them. "Here in the flesh," Emily replied with a grin. "How do you like it?" Paige asked as they walked over to grab food trays.

"It's fine. Same as homeschooling but more people and stricter phone rules," Emily teased while grabbing an apple, "How was your summer?" She asked while glancing over at Paige. "Not too bad. My parents I took a trip to Europe in July," she replied. Emily felt a wave of nostalgia and sadness wash over her. Alison and I wanted to go to Europe.

"No way! Where at?" Emily asked as cheerily as she could while grabbing a mediocre looking sandwich. "Spain," Paige replied, "It was gorgeous." Emily smiled and waited for Paige to finish getting her food in the line, "That explains the killer tan you have going on," Emily complemented. Paige laughed, "Says you!" Emily laughed with her, "Texas," she replied with a shrug, "Just as hot but no pretty beaches."

They laughed together as they turned around towards the cafeteria. Emily was looking for Spencer, but her eyes landed on the one person she was trying to avoid all day. Her smile faded. Alison was sitting at her regular table with Hanna, Caleb, and Tyler? I thought she ditched him at prom. What the hell? She saw Hanna animatedly telling a story. Hearing Alison's laugh made her blood run cold.

"Em?" Paige asked after she received no response from something Emily clearly didn't hear. "Sorry," she mumbled while looking back at Paige and following her out into the courtyard. She joined back in the conversation about Paige's trip, but failed to notice a pair of blue eyes watching her walk away.

Later that afternoon, Emily was rushing to her last class of the day: AP US Government. The teacher in her previous class held her up with questions, and she was still trying to figure out where everything was in the school. Emily was practically jogging to try to make it on time when she entered the classroom. "Ah, miss..." her teacher greeted her as he looked at a sheet to find her name, "...Fields. Thank you for joining us."

Emily heard the giggles from her peers, but she kept her eyes trained on her teacher, "Sorry," she offered up an apology. "I won't give you detention today. I'm assuming coach Fulton wouldn't appreciate her star swimmer absent from the team," he said. Emily was about to reply, but someone else spoke up first: "That's not the only girls team she plays for."

A round of laughter and snickers sounded through the classroom. Emily felt the heat on her cheeks. "Shut up Noel," a voice called out, and Emily knew exactly who the owner of that said voice was. Emily's eyes flew to the direction of the voice and there she was, sitting in the back of the class looking as gorgeous as ever. Alison smiled softly at her as they made eye contact. "Quite down Noel. Emily..." Emily directed her attention off of Alison and back to the teacher quickly, "...Take a seat please."

Emily nodded and turned to find a chair. She was not only embarrassed, but now she was beyond nervous. Alison was in the class. She was sure her cheeks had fully turned to a crimson color. This class couldn't be any worse, she thought, but she was wrong. As she did her quick search for a seat, her eyes widened when she saw that the only chair that was empty was the one right next to Alison. Great. Just great.

She made eye contact with Alison who was looking up at her expectantly. Emily broke their intense stare down and turned her eyes to the floor as she hurriedly made her way to the chair in the back of the classroom. Her heart was pounding out of her chest. She felt like the air had been taken from her lungs entirely. Being this close to her again made Emily feel like she could pass out. Just focus on the teacher. Don't look at her.

Emily felt as if she missed every single thing the teacher said in the thirty minute span of the class. She didn't dare look at Alison sitting beside her, but she occasionally could feel the blonde's eyes on her. It made her lightheaded. She even picked up on the scent of Alison's perfume occasionally throughout the class. When their teacher was giving his never-ending monologue at the end of the lesson, Emily already had her bag in her hand, ready to make her escape.

Finally, the bell rang, and Emily jumped up from her seat. "Em," Alison's voice rang out from behind her. Her blood ran cold again from hearing Alison say her name. Emily paused for only a millisecond before rushing out of the classroom, not taking one single look behind her.

Emily's long day was finally over as she left the locker room after swimming practice. Spencer groaned as they walked out of the double doors and into the dark parking lot. Emily laughed, "Feel good to be back?" She teased. "Why does Fulton have to condition us on the first practice? It's torture," Spencer complained.

Emily adjusted her gym bag on her shoulder, "Did you not work out this summer?" Spencer glared at her, "I did. Toby and I would go on runs every once in a while, but we worked out in other ways," she said while wiggling her eyebrows. Emily jokingly gave her a look of disgust, "Thanks for putting that image in my head."

They were laughing together as they walked to their cars, but Spencer's laugh died off and she stopped walking as she looked out into the parking lot. Emily furrowed her eyebrows and went to look at what Spencer was staring at. She stopped dead in her tracks. Spencer cleared her throat, "I'll um, see you tomorrow?" She asked awkwardly. Emily gave her a thoughtless nod as Spencer walked off.

She stood, her heart pounding out of her chest, as she held eye contact with a nervous looking Alison standing by her car.

---

Phew, what a chapter!

Let's recap shall we? Both girls have changed a lot over the summer. I wanted to highlight Alison shedding some of her bitchy layers, and instead, Emily is putting up walls now.

Yay for Alison's sobriety! All it took was for her to wake up in her ex's bed with zero memory of how she got there. Also another yay for Alison coming out! It was a very messy coming out, but nonetheless she did it. Can we talk about her mother assaulting her? I promise that'll get addressed more in the future because woah. Poor Ali was waiting all summer for a letter back, but no dice. Also, Tyler is in the picture...sort of?

Emily took care of drunk Ali in spite of everything that transpired between the two of them. Super sweet and loving, but Emily already had one foot out the door. Maya made a very quick appearance, but we'll address more of their relationship later. Also, oof, Maya called Emily out. We got a sweet moment between Wayne and Emily (because duh they are the best father/daughter duo). Finally, Emily is at Rosewood High now! We ended with Alison waiting for her after swimming practice. How do you think that conversation is going to go?

As always my loves, leave some reviews and let me know what you think!

See you next time,

~3mison