It's not where you come from, it's where you belong- Kari Kimmel (Where You Belong- theme song of The Fosters)
Lily Tucker-Pritchett had never really thought much about where she'd come from. She was glad she wasn't in a crowded orphanage and that she was loved and wanted. But as she got older and learned more, she wondered. Had she been loved by her birth parents? She'd always assumed they'd died, but her dads really didn't know.
At sixteen, she asked if it was possible to try to find out. Mitch thought about it, trying not to show that the idea sent a wave of anxiety through his body.
"I suppose." He said, concentrating on dinner. Cam was picking Rex up from a play date. "Do you feel like you're ready?"
"Yes. I know you'd want me to be eighteen first, but I feel ready."
"Hmm." He thought about it. "Well, we want you to be prepared for whatever we might discover. They told us at the time that they couldn't provide information. I interpreted that as one or both of them may have been alive and chosen not to remain in contact for whatever reason."
"I know, Dad. I'm ready." She sounded confident.
"I don't know if I am." Mitch admitted.
"It won't make me love you guys less. You're my family and making contact with whoever brought me into the world doesn't take away from the fact that you two raised me."
"I know, it's just…ever since that day." Mitch took a shaky breath. "The day on the field next to the gas station…I was so done…after all the drama…I've always been afraid of losing you. Of having you taken away for whatever reason."
"The rug's not consistently being pulled out from under you anymore." Lily said. Cam had entered at that moment. The five year old ran through the house.
"Wash hands for dinner!" He called after Rex.
"Okay!" Rex shouted.
"Fun conversations?" Cam asked the other two.
"Kinda." Lily said. "How would you feel about me trying to contact any biological parent who may possibly exist?"
Cam blinked rapidly. "Uh-well-I-I don't know, sweetie. Can this wait another couple years?"
"I just have this feeling that I should start contacting now." Lily said. "They didn't say anything about not contacting them, right?"
"Technically, no." Mitch said. "We really weren't told anything about them."
"What if I have a sibling there? I'd want to know why they didn't get adopted with me. Did I have any siblings?"
"The person who handled your adoption said you were an only child." Mitch said. "I'm the one who did the paperwork while Daddy was doing the baby prep."
"Oh. Well, I'd still like to know birth parents. All I know is my birth name is Nhung."
Mitch and Cam exchanged looks.
"Can we talk about it and get back to you?" Mitch asked.
"Well..." Lily squeaked.
"Oh Lily, what happened?" Cam asked.
"I may have pretended to be you and asked for information on behalf of myself." She grimaced.
"That's not okay-"
"I know, I'm sorry, but I was curious!"
"We don't blame you for being curious, but that was extremely dangerous. You don't know them. For all you know, they can be dangerous criminals."
Lily's brow rose. "You think I was brought into the world by criminals?"
"It's possible!"
"Cam." Mitch sighed. "What's done is done. But, we have to be the first to see any responses you get."
"Okay."
"Rex, dinner!"
The five year old was curious about why Lily was on the computer and checking the mail so much. And why she looked so nervous. She told him not to worry about it, so he tried not to.
After a couple weeks, a letter arrived for her from Vietnam. Mitch said that the agency had been looking into it. They were surprised that the men were denied information about Lily's birth family. They'd gotten into contact with someone who had sent a letter. The sender's name was Huy Pham.
Lily had never really been in an orphanage since Cam and Mitch had applied for adoption before she was born, so she'd been placed with a nurse until she was ready to go.
"Nhung Pham…doesn't sound like me." Lily said, sitting on the couch with her dads on either side of her. Rex was playing on Lily's iPad in his room. "They said birth family, not just parents…so like aunts and uncles or something?"
"You won't know until you open the letter." Cam said softly.
Lily shakily opened the envelope and took out the letter.
"I-I can't." She whimpered, handing the letter to Mitch. "Please?"
Mitch unfolded it. He and Cam held their daughter's hands.
"Dear Lily, please forgive my handwriting, I haven't written a letter in English before and I'm extremely nervous to be writing to you. I've always known you were going to be adopted and going to America, so I wanted to be able to talk to you one day because I never knew if you would come back to Vietnam to look for us and how much you might or might not be able to communicate. I can't believe it's been sixteen years, I hope you've been well. I also can't believe I wrote a paragraph and didn't even introduce myself. My name is Huy and I'm-"
Mitch's eyes widened, his voice had caught and vanished. He looked at Cam and handed the letter over, trying to steady his breaths.
"I'm your brother and I'm eight years older than you." Cam read. "Mitch, we didn't know."
"Keep reading." Mitch said hoarsely.
"Mitchell-"
"Cameron, read before I lose my nerve. Please."
Cam nodded and read. "I know this will be surprising to hear and you may have so many questions right now. I want you to know I hold no ill feelings towards your fathers, I'm not even sure they knew about me or if I was intended to be put up for adoption. I'm certain they know your birth name is 'Nhung'. I was raised by our birth father until the age of seventeen. I never asked why he didn't place me with you because he seemed to be able to make ends meet and he was a good father. Extremely busy, but good. I also was extremely busy, having started working when I was thirteen. We didn't have anyone else in the family to take me in, but we did have neighbors and a community to help the two of us. My father made sure I had plenty of good influences, he wanted to make sure I was raised right and that should I ever meet you again, you could see that your birth father was a good man."
Cam needed a short break, he went to get water. When he came back, Lily's head was on Mitch's shoulder and she was holding his hand with both of hers. Mitch was crying.
"Sweetheart." Cam said. "Mitchell, sweetie, he said he doesn't have ill feelings. It's okay-"
"It's not okay! A kid had to work through childhood to make ends meet. A kid we could have taken in with Lily." Mitch trembled.
"You were more prepared for a baby, not a terrified, traumatized kid you couldn't talk to." Lily said. "He'd just lost his mother."
Cam took a deep breath and kept reading the letter. "My father had a determined expression and barely spoke on the day you were officially leaving. The lady from the agency offered to bring you to say goodbye, but he said no. I only found out when he was on his deathbed why. He didn't think he would have been able to let you go. And when the lady brought a picture of the three of you, he knew he made the right decision. He would have felt immense guilt at taking you away…" Cam was getting emotional now.
"I think I can read it." Lily said in a small voice. She took the letter with one hand, the other in Mitchell's. "I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you. Unfortunately, neither of your birth parents are with us. Mom struggled giving birth to me. She thought after so long, maybe everything would be okay. She had health complications that led to her dying in childbirth. This is-"
Lily let out a shaky breath. "This is not your fault. I want you to understand that. They wanted another child, to give me a sibling. They knew you were going to be adopted before you were born because our birth father had lost his job just before Mom found out she was pregnant. She knew we wouldn't be able to afford to feed all of us. She knew you'd be safe and taken care of. I'm doing well for myself, I have a girlfriend of four years I met when delivering packages to her college campus and I live with her. I've put my email on the bottom of this letter in case you would like to talk, if that's okay with your dads. I hope to hear from you and talk more. Love, Huy."
Lily held the letter, tears falling down her face now. If not for her dads' sniffles, it would've been silent. After a while, Cam gathered himself and said he should get started on dinner. He looked back to see Lily comforting Mitch.
"If you want, you can chat with Huy." Cam said. "We'd love to know more about him. We're just…it's a lot to process."
Lily nodded.
"Dad, do you need some alone time?" She asked once Cam had gone into the kitchen. Mitch nodded. He stood up to go to his room. Then he paused.
"I-I'm okay with it too. You chatting." He said in the same hoarse voice, turning his head slightly towards her.
"You're not a bad person." Lily said. "I know you get caught up in self deprecating, but you know it isn't your fault. For some reason, no one told you about him. Whether it was the agency or our birth father, I'm not sure, but who else was supposed to tell you? The six month old baby? You're not in control of information that's hidden from you. It wasn't your fault."
Mitch's only response was a choked noise. Lily was concerned for a moment until he let out a sob. He excused himself to his room.
Lily sighed and went to help Cam. He asked her to set the table.
"Hey, Dad knows it's not his fault, right?" Lily asked.
"He does. It just takes a bit more repetition for it to sink in." Cam replied. "I know Huy doesn't blame us so I don't blame myself. I still feel bad and wish we could have taken him too, but all the information we had was that you were an only child."
"Is that weird for Vietnam? To pretend a kid doesn't exist?"
"I don't know. I know from friends and students that foster kids in the US have a harder time being adopted when they're older. It may be a similar case worldwide. Maybe they thought we wouldn't want him."
"That sucks. Everyone should have a family…hey, Daddy, is Dad taking it hard because of that whole family drama thing that happened with that baby boy when I was little?"
She was concerned when she was met with silence. Cam was draining the vegetables. He looked thoughtful, so maybe he did hear her.
"It could be a reason." Cam finally said. "It took us a while to move on from that, but he does tend to bottle back his emotions quickly. I told him he doesn't have to do that. Alright, can you call them for dinner?"
The five year old was quiet as he picked at his food that evening. His family was concerned and kept trying to ask, but he said he was just sad the iPad battery died and he couldn't find a charger.
He did have trouble adjusting to the move back to California and a new house, but it had been about three years and he'd had a much better attitude about it. He had known he was adopted because his grandma back in the farm told him. Mitch had been annoyed, he was waiting for Rex to approach him about it himself so he could learn that he could ask his dads these questions.
"Can I be done?" Rex asked.
"Two more bites of broccoli and a little more potato." Mitch said. He seemed to be doing a little bit better.
Rex shoved potatoes in his mouth, Cam told him to take smaller bites next time. He wanted to leave the table, but Cam shook his head. Since both men had their mouths full, Lily tried to encourage her brother.
"Hey, bud, I know broccoli isn't your favorite, but can we take two bites?" She asked.
"You're not my mom." The five year old snapped.
Cam swallowed. "Rex, that was rude." He said. "Your sister is only trying to help you so you can grow big and strong."
Rex glared at Lily who was taken aback. He ate the vegetables and asked to be excused.
"Can we talk about the attitude?" Mitch asked his son.
"No thank you." Rex said, running off.
"You forgot to bring your plate to the sink!" Lily called.
The only reply was him slamming his bedroom door.
The remaining three exchanged confused looks.
"I don't remember saying or doing anything that would cause whatever this attitude is." Lily said.
"Maybe it's just a phase, honey." Cam assured her. "You had your snarky phase when you were his age."
"I don't think that ever really went away."
"No, that's called being a teenager."
Lily playfully shoved him. Cam lightly shoved back. Mitch told them not to shove each other off the chairs. They finished dinner, it was Cam's turn to do the dishes.
Lily decided to check on her brother. She knocked on the door. No reply came.
"Rex, bud, what's wrong?" Lily called.
"Go away!" Rex shouted.
Cam and Mitch took turns trying to talk to him about it, but the boy kept his mouth shut.
This went on for another week, the men hoping it was just a phase. They called Mark's parents to ask if anything happened during the last play date and they said the boys were as happy as ever.
Mitch asked his family and Claire told them sometimes emotions just flip immediately and they shouldn't worry so much. Jay offered to get Joe to try to figure it out, to which the redhead said he genuinely might take his father up on that offer.
But as two more weeks passed, they were all getting worried about him. All of his friends and his teacher noticed a shift, but it hadn't gotten as bad as when he was at home. Cam asked the teacher if they were doing anything wrong and she had no idea. Even his pediatrician said it's nothing to worry about and he'll grow out of it.
Lily had definitely been thinking about what he'd said and wondered if she acted too motherly sometimes. She asked her cousins for advice and they gave her tips, Alex also reminded her of the large age gap.
Mark did have an older stepbrother who was three years older, so maybe Rex was feeling upset that there were eleven years between him and his sister.
"Maybe he saw an ad about a mom on the iPad." Lily said. "He told me he was playing games, but the charge was zero when I plugged it in and I have proof that he was hatching and raising creatures. And previously playing animal crossing, so he didn't use my web browser unless he suddenly knows how to clear history."
Cam and Mitch thought about it. Maybe, but why wouldn't he come to them about it? Why take it out on Lily?
Lily shrugged when Cam asked that out loud and she resumed her email to Huy. They'd been communicating back and forth, both excited to learn more about each other. She'd always let her dads see the emails and pretty soon, they said she didn't have to do that since he had proven to be genuine.
They'd sent each other a picture of themselves. Lily sent an extra one of the Tucker-Pritchett family. Huy said they looked like a happy family. She admitted that Rex was going through something he wouldn't talk about and it was concerning. Huy wished he could help, but he didn't really know much about child development and if this was a normal phase as Lily said her dads guessed.
They were trying to make small talk and get Rex to say something, but he wouldn't budge. Then he went too far. Lily politely asked him to pass the salt and he threw it at her. She missed and it hit her in the nose, popping the lid off and sprinkling across her face.
"Hey!"
"Rex!" Mitch and Cam scolded.
"I think it's in my eye-ow-ok yeah it is-I can't see-" Lily stood up and blearily made her way to a bathroom, aided by Cam.
Rex tried to leave the table, but Mitch stopped him.
"Daddy and I have to stop pretending you're going to get out of a phase." He said. "What's going on? You know very well that you're adopted and Daddies love you very much, so I don't think that's why you're mad." Rex shook his head. "Why are you mad at Lily?"
"The iPad died." Rex grumbled.
"That was a long time ago, you really should let that go." Mitch felt like a little bit of a hypocrite, considering his rocky past. Then again, he had held onto things a lot bigger than a dead battery and his son was too young to know.
"I don't care about the iPad!" The boy snapped.
"Watch your tone, please. Why didn't you find a charger, then? I'm sure your sister wasn't trying to hide them from you."
"I tried..." Rex's bottom lip trembled.
"Okay...did you find something she hid from you?" Mitch thought that was reasonable. Maybe Rex had annoyed Lily with a toy and she took it while he was sleeping. She'd done so a few times before.
Rex thought about it. "No?"
"Why the question?"
"I don't know, but you and Daddy know."
"Whenever we take something, we always tell you what and why. And we don't take things just because, only if you got in trouble." Mitch was thrown off and just wondered about everything now.
"You didn't take it." Rex said, his tone implying that Mitch and Cam knew something was taken, but not by them.
"What was taken from you?" And why is it apparently Lily's fault?
Rex was silent, but looked uncomfortable. Mitch sighed.
"You know how we said there's lots of things that we have to tell you when you're older because you're not ready to process everything?"
"Yes. Then you said process is going through stuff and I thought you meant walls and floors like a ghost, then-"
"Okay." Mitch said, cutting off the rambling. "I'm only going to tell you a teeny tiny bit of something and I don't want you asking questions. I promise you'll know when you're ready."
"What is it?" Rex asked. His eyes widened in anticipation.
Mitch thought carefully about his words. "When I was younger, I had a hard time talking to people about stuff. Grandpa and I were not really friends and I didn't know Daddy yet, so it was hard to talk to people. I had Aunt Claire, my sister, but she was busy with kids." He noted the shift in the child's mood once he started talking about Claire, but he continued. "When I met Daddy, I started talking about stuff and after a while I felt better. He showed me that it's okay to talk about stuff with people you trust. I can still talk to Aunt Claire about pretty much everything. It took a long time for me to talk to Grandpa, but after I did, I felt better. You can talk to your family."
"N-not if t-they have family who-" Rex started crying, unable to finish.
"Rex, talk to me, what's going on?" Mitch was feeling confused. He really thought he was getting somewhere until the last sentence. He nervously scratched the back of his neck. "I-I just meant-um-well, what if-" What was he even saying anymore?
"Mitchell, stop scratching." Cam said, coming around the corner. "Rex, can you take calming breaths for me, sweetie?"
Rex sniffled and nodded, still crying.
"That's a start. Mitch-nope." Cam took Mitch's hands as the redhead was trying to chew his fingernails. "Mitchell, breathe."
"I'm fine." Mitch said, avoiding eye contact.
"No, you're not. Lily's fine, she's resting on her bed with a washcloth on her eyes."
"I know she's fine." Mitch said. "Just trying to talk-I don't know-something about something being taken-we know-what do we know, Cam?" Mitch ran out of breath and coughed.
"That you aren't fine because you forgot to breathe while talking." Cam said. "Hug or bed rest?"
"Rest."
"Okay, then go find a fidget toy or a stuffed animal and go rest."
Mitch nodded shakily. He apologized to his son who was confused. Cam told him he had nothing to be sorry for and gently kissed his forehead, telling him to rest.
"Daddy?" Rex's small voice said. Cam sat down at the table and waited for Rex to talk. "Dad said talking is good for family."
"Did you understand most of what he was saying?" Cam asked.
"Yes."
"I only heard a little bit about something being taken. Did he mean that you're afraid of being taken away by your birth family?" Cam said softly. "Because that's not going to happen."
"Not me. Her." Rex said. "Her real brother."
"Did you hear us reading the letter?" Cam asked, feeling he knew where this was going. A timid nod. It clicked immediately, the five year old must have been looking for a charger and overheard at least some of the conversation.
Cam gestured for his son to come closer. The five year old climbed on his dad's lap and sniffled. "She's not going away and she's your sister. She has a brother here and a brother in Vietnam."
"What if she likes him better?" Rex cried, holding onto Cam.
"Oh, honey, she doesn't like him better-"
"But she talks lots with him and we don't play lots no more..."
"She talks about you in her emails to him."
"Really?" He looked up, trying to see if his dad was lying.
"I talk about you a lot." A soft voice said.
They looked to see Lily and Mitch entering the dining room.
"I couldn't rest." Mitch said. "So, we talked and came to probably the same conclusion you did. Rex feels like he's being replaced, which you're not." He quickly added.
"Can I talk to him alone?" Lily asked. Mitch and Cam nodded. Rex sighed and stood up so Cam could get up. The two men went to the kitchen to pretend they weren't trying to listen in, Lily knew they would be. "I'm sixteen." She reminded her brother.
"Uh-huh." Rex confirmed, a little afraid of the conversation.
"I'm sure you're bored of all the talking, so let's get to the point." Lily said. Rex nodded gratefully. "You are my baby brother. I was there when they were panicking before they got you. I was more mature than when I was your age, so I wanted a baby brother. I still want one."
"Even if you have a big one who can talk a lot?"
"You talk plenty." Lily said. "And you're learning. So what if you can't have more grown up conversations yet? You're a kid. I'm going into the harder years of high school and to have time to chill and play whatever with my brother who has a big imagination and literally no stress sounds amazing. I don't know Huy that much, but I know being his sister isn't the same as being yours."
"Even if I'm annoying?" His voice was thick with emotions
"Even when you have your moments."
"Would you go back to be-ve-in-tam?"
"Vietnam? To visit, sure." Lily said. "I do want to meet him in person one day."
"Will you come home?"
"Of course I'll come home. Even when I'm a grown up and I eventually move out, I'll come back. Vietnam is where I came from, but this home right here, is where I belong. Where you and our dads belong. Every time Huy talked about my birth father, he said 'our birth father', not 'dad', he felt it respected our dads more. He respects them, me, and you. You remember what respect means, right?"
"I think so. It means you don't be mean."
"Yeah, that's one way to put it. So, are we good?"
Rex nodded. "Can I come? When you go?"
"That's a question for Dads whenever I decide to travel, it might be a few years. I'd love for you to meet him, baby bro."
A high pitched squeak came from the kitchen, followed by a shushing noise. The kids entered to see Mitch turn around and begin scrubbing a plate while Cam held a recipe book, his eyes watery and face slightly pink.
"Sorry, sometimes reading about onions makes me cry."
Lily didn't point out that it was a cookie book and it was upside down. Rex shrugged and went to see if there was any juice. She'd noticed Mitch's slightly red eyes and put an arm around him.
"Thanks." Mitch said. "I lost control of the conversation and-"
"It's okay, Dad." Lily said. "I really will come back." She added.
Cam squeaked again. "Sorry, it's the dusty book." He said, putting it down.
"Hug time!" Rex declared, wrapping his arms around Lily and Mitch. Cam picked up the five year old and joined the hug.