Chapter 10

"What are you doing this weekend Grace," Jungkook said, appearing at her side, leaning back on both arms as they flexed inside his shirt. Saving her document, she spun in her chair to face him. Chemo had been a few days ago so she was in the better part of the weekly cycle, feeling free of nausea and enjoying the fact she had a better nights sleep. So she was actually feeling OK as Jungkook looked at her, raising his eyebrows.

"Depends Kook, what did you have in mind?"

"I don't know exactly. Dinner? A movie? What would you like to do?"

"Are you asking me out on a date Jungkook," Grace asked, mouth dropping open at the thought. This was something she had honestly thought about lots since they started working together, he was very good looking but it caught her by surprise now because it hadn't been on her mind for the last few weeks at least.

"What? No! Well, yes but not for me. You're gorgeous and sexy and anyone would be lucky to be with you but I was sure you knew I had a boyfriend? Sorry, I was meaning I have this friend who I think you'd be perfect for."

He was looking at her expectantly and Grace had a moment of clarity as her emotions sailed through them one after another. Surprise that he wasn't single as she had no idea, disbelief that he was trying to set her up with someone else, embarrassment that she'd thought he had been flirting with her all this time but honestly, she realised with a shock she was actually fine that he wasn't asking her out. After thinking about maybe dating him, enjoying the flirting which clearly she'd misread, when it came down to this moment, it didn't bother her at all that he wasn't interested. And of course, it made sense. He was way too good looking to be straight.

"No thanks," she said, turning back to her desk.

"What do you mean? You'd said depends. Are you not wanting to date at the moment? He's really great. For you not me of course," he laughed, trying to read the situation.

"No, it's not that at all Kook, I'm perfectly capable of finding my own date. I thought you were wanting to hang out though but thank you for trying to play cupid for me."

"Of course I want to hang out. Do you want to come have drinks with us this weekend? He'd love to meet you. I talk about you all the time, he knows chatting with you is one of the ways I get through my work days and that you help to keep me sane here." Jungkook was leaning forward, almost pleading with her a little now, feeling a bit awkward that there may have been a miscommunication between them.

"That's very sweet of you Kook but I have plans most of the weekend." I didn't but I figured I could make some, counting on Namjoon at least to be free.

"OK, well, OK," he said, floundering for a moment. "We're good though?"

"Yes Jungkook, we're good. But I do want to meet your boyfriend at some stage, rain-check?"

"Oh you'll love him," he gushed, face lighting up as he spoke. "His voice does things to me."

"Well, ah, good then," she said, feeling a little weirded out by how soft Kook was being in that moment when he was often different, more intense when they talked.

"TMI," he asked with a laugh and she smiled back.

"Not at all, you're allowed to be in love."

"It feels amazing, I hope you find it too Grace."

"I plan on it," she said as he pushed away from the desk, squeezing her shoulders a little as he walked past.

Staring at her screen for a few moments, the words hung in the air. Love. Would she ever really find it? And it didn't surprise her at all when one face appeared in her mind, struggling more and more each day to tell herself that their friendship was enough.

A few days later and Grace was reaching the conclusion she was definitely thinking about Namjoon way too often to be healthy. Especially since all they were was friends. But when she took the time to think about it, their friendship had definitely changed recently. Sara came over a few times a week amongst work and other commitments, Elsbeth and Jin she saw usually once a week. Grace talked to her parents a couple of times a week online but Joon was different. He was with her almost every day and if they weren't together at her house, he was driving her home from an appointment or popping out for a small walk together to pick up medication or to just get some fresh air when the nausea was kicking in. If he couldn't come over, they always talked on the phone, sometimes for hours and more than once, falling asleep mid conversation as they were curled up in their beds. How it had gone from seeing him once or twice a week before the big C to the way they were now seemed to happen really quickly. But Grace found herself checking her phone for messages when she woke up and there was always one from Namjoon with a motivational quote, a wish for a good day or simply a sweet good morning message. And she missed him when he wasn't around. All of it was feeling a little intense for just friendship. Or in all honesty, a lot more intense.

Tonight Sara and Namjoon had come over for another movie marathon. She knew they probably wanted to do something more exciting, it had been weeks of being stuck inside with her while she recovered although they never complained. But there was an errand to run before they clicked play on the movie they'd chosen.

"Of course it's fine," Namjoon was saying, standing up and patting his pockets to find his keys. "I'll be back in half an hour, don't start the movie without me," he said and the door closed behind him.

Sara waited for a moment until she was sure he was gone, staring at the back of the closed door before she turned to Grace with wide eyes. "Oh, he's soooooo smitten!"

"What are you talking about Sara," Grace answered, wriggling on the couch to get more comfortable.

"The moment you said you felt like that specific ice cream, he was ready to go find it for you."

"He's such a good friend, he knows it will make me feel better," Grace hummed, closing her eyes with a smile then opening them again at the silence that flooded the room.

"Do you actually really think that," Sara said, eyebrow raised, confusion on her face.

Grace frowned. "Don't you?"

Sara smacked her hand against her head and rolled her eyes. "You are in denial. Yes he's a good friend but he definitely wants more than that. Smitten for sure, maybe even more. In fact, I think definitely more."

"What do you mean? You couldn't possibly think he's in love with me," Grace asked, eyes huge at her hint.

"Duh," Sara replied, rolling her eyes. "What have I been telling you for the past few months and it's been obvious he has feelings well before that. When you came out of surgery, he was trying to bribe me to be the one to be here when you woke up. He was very insistent."

"And you didn't let him?"

"He might have feelings for you but I'm still your best friend," Sara replied. "But I did help. All those times I couldn't take you to an appointment or pick you up from chemo? I could've but I needed to give Joon a push."

"You set me up? Do you realise I showed him my breasts because you weren't there one day?"

Sara's mouth dropped open. "OK, back up the truck, what? How is me not being there leading to you flashing him?"

"I didn't flash him," Grace said lifting an eyebrow at her friend. "I was too weak after chemo and he helped me get dressed."

"Why does your voice sound like that," Sara said, looking at her closely and Grace blushed under the scrutiny.

"Like what," she asked quietly.

"Like you have something to hide. There's more you're not telling me."

"He may have kissed my scar," Grace said, quieter still.

"He may have kissed your what now," she exclaimed, voice going up at the end. "And I'm hearing about it now? Details please and very, very quickly you important information hider!"

"This is why I didn't tell you. You're making a bigger deal of this than it is."

"Your scar? As in the one that's under your breast? Yeah Grace, that's a big deal. How many guys go around doing that for no reason?"

"He had a reason. He was ah, comforting me I guess." It sounded weird to Grace to say it because, deep down she knew that didn't make any sense.

Sara let out a laugh that sounded a little manic, rolling it into saying her name. "Gracie, you can't really believe that? He is sooooo totally in love with you!"

"But he can't be. It's Namjoon, what part of that makes any sense?"

Sara eyed her up and then slid sideways to snuggle into her side, wrapping her arms around her. "All parts Grace. He's amazing and he's been into you for as long as I can remember. The last months have been way more obvious but I think it's been there for a while. The question is, are you prepared to give him a chance?"

"It could ruin our friendship," Grace sighed, leaning into Sara's hug.

"Or it could be the best thing you've ever done."

"But our friendship might not survive," Grace justified again.

"Or it will and even better, you might just find yourself in love with your best friend."

"I don't know if I can risk it Sara, I mean, he's one of my favourite people and I can't think of not having him around if things implode."

"One of your favourite people huh," Sara teased and Grace rolled her eyes.

"You're one of my favourite people too."

"It's not a competition, I was just wondering if you realised just how you really think of him."

"Of course I do," Grace said, feeling annoyed. "He's very important to me."

"Grace, I love you but you really need to think about what exactly he means to you. Friendship aside, this stupid cancer journey aside, when you look at him, what do you feel?"

There was no getting out of this and Grace didn't really want to hold it in anymore. She'd known back when he'd kissed her scar that it was a significant moment and it had definitely changed the way she felt about him. Or maybe it had changed her ability to finally open her eyes and see what she had been keeping tucked away for a while. She'd always thought he was amazing but now she knew that she thought of him as more than just her amazing friend Namjoon. It was as her amazing more than friend Joonie.

Sara could see the war going on in her expressions and she hugged her closer. "I think Gracie, if you let yourself, this year could turn out to be much better than it started."

Grace closed her eyes and let the hug wrap around her, knowing Sara was right. If this year had taught her anything so far, it was things could hit you out of the blue and you didn't want to sit around and wait for things to come to you. Sometimes you needed to take the bull by the horns or the Namjoon by the lips. She giggled at the thought, sound bubbling out into the room and Sara pulled away to stare at her.

"Has it finally happened? You've lost your mind," she asked, sounding concerned.

"No silly, I'm ready."

"Ready to do what?"

"Ready to tell him how I feel or to let him tell me how he feels or, I don't know what it will look like but when the moment is there, the next time I feel it in the air, I'm not going to pull back from it."

"Way to go Gracie," Sara yelled, squeezing her tightly and earning an ouch in return.

"OK, not so loud," Grace answered, flinching a little at the over excited reaction.

"Sorry but this is big Grace."

"Please don't hype it up more than it needs to be Sara. I'm feeling anxious about it as it is."

"You know one of you has to say something and I'm super confident Namjoon is in love with you but too worried with, well you know, everything, to bring it up. Be brave Gracie girl."

"I intend to be," she said as they snuggled down together, waiting for Namjoon to return, Sara giving her grins and teasing looks.

"I found it," Namjoon announced loudly from the front door as he kicked his shoes off and walked into the lounge. Grace instantly sat a little straighter and Sara hid a smirk as she saw her friend smooth her hair down.

"Did you have to go to many places," Grace asked as he put the ice-cream on the table in front of them.

"Not too many," he replied, blushing that it had actually been five and he would never mention that to her. The look on her face was thanks enough, he would've gone to ten or more if he'd needed to until he'd found the one she wanted.

"Thank you Joonie," Grace replied as he handed her the whole punnet and a spoon, eyelashes blinking up at him so that his breathing faltered a little under her gaze.

Sara felt like she was three wheeling big time at this stage, looking between the two of them, trying to invent a reason to leave but not seeing any without it being awkwardly obvious. Finally she couldn't take the weird tension in the air and sighed. "Shall we start the movie?"

"Yes please," Grace answered quickly, giving her friend a grateful look as Namjoon settled on the sofa next to her, closer than was probably necessary when it wasn't a tiny couch at all. But his warmth next to her was something she had grown to expect, rely on and enjoy and she didn't move away from him, even as he sprawled a little more during the movie, stretching his long legs out to get comfortable and leaning more her way. He seemed distracted, laughing a little later than normal at the funny scenes, not talking as much as they usually did when they'd seen the movie more than once already.

Sara combated this by joking a lot. Grace could tell it was forced, glancing at Namjoon several times to see if he could tell too. At least that's why she was telling herself she was looking at him. Not simply because he was hell-a attractive and the thought of him liking her, like really liking her was making it hard to keep her eyes away from him.

As soon as the movie finished, Sara jumped to her feet, faking some kind of yawn. "Oh, I'm so tired. I'm heading. Bed is calling," and she reached for her bed.

Namjoon looked confused, looking at his phone. 845pm, hours earlier than they would normally leave. Looking at Grace, wondering if he'd missed some kind of signal that she was tired, he stood up too. "I should probably leave too then."

"No, no, you stay Joon," Sara said, pushing him by the shoulders to sit back down. "It's just me, I'm tired. You're fine, right Grace?"

Now Namjoon looked completely bewildered to be forced back to sitting again, looking between the two women, Grace's face turning a slight shade of pink.

"Are you feeling OK? Should I go," he asked, standing up again as he looked at her.

"Please stay Namjoon, I'm feeling fine, honestly," Grace said, fighting against the embarrassment that this was turning into.

"OK, well, if you want me to stay I will," he said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck a little, unsure about the weird vibe in the room.

"Yes please, I'd like that, so we can talk," Grace managed to get out before Sara slipped from the room and from the house, neither noticing as she smiled, closing the door behind her and leaving them so they could talk.

"Talk? Ah, OK, should I be worried?"

"No, no, nothing like that," she replied, feeling like she was botching this whole thing but knee deep now with no real way out.

"Should I, ah, sit," Namjoon asked, waiting to see what she wanted.

"Just get comfortable Namjoon," she said with a sigh, worried that this was already going badly.

He sat down next to her but giving her a little more distance then during the movie, maybe because he was wondering what all this was about as Grace wriggled around, finally turning to face him and taking a deep breath, Then she chickened out, said nothing and let the air leave her lungs.

"Is it bad Gracie, please tell me it's not more bad news," Namjoon finally said, breaking the silence but unable to think the worst and Grace stared. It hadn't occurred to her that he would jump to that conclusion but of course he would and she hurried to set his mind at ease, his face looking a little panicked.

"Sorry, no, no, it's nothing to do with my health."

"Oh my gosh Grace, you can't do that! I was thinking the worst."

"Sorry, it's honestly nothing bad. At least I don't think it is."

She was chewing her lip a little, anxiety levels high and Joon was watching it all, taking in all her tiny, little movements. Something was definitely up. "Gracie, you had something you wanted to talk about," and she nodded, taking a deep breath again, preparing what exactly she wanted to say. Sara was great and she loved her but this had definitely thrown her into a conversation that she hadn't taken time to plan and she didn't even know how to begin without ruining it.

"Yeah, OK, well, it's about us."

"About you and me," Namjoon asked, breathing escalating. Was this the 'I know you like me and I just want to be friends' talk and if it was, he wasn't ready to hear that from her.

"Yeah," the word easing out of her lips, echoing in the room. "You've been so good to me through all of this."

"Oh," he answered, realising she just wanted to thank him, relieved more than he could say. "Of course, you're one of my best friends Grace."

"Best friends Joonie, is that what we are," she asked, looking at him, holding his eyes and he froze. She was asking him everything with that question, he could hear it in her voice. It had been obvious to her after all, he hadn't managed to hide his growing feelings and now she was asking him to clear it all up.

Abruptly he stood, dodging the table as he stumbled a little, pacing as he heard her words playing out in his head, over and over. Finally he glanced at her, seeing how she was waiting patiently for him to answer but her expression was soft, open and he thought maybe, maybe she really was wanting him to be honest. He had two options. He could fudge what he wanted to say, explaining how good their friendship was and keep things safe or he could be honest and take the risk that everything would change.

"It's OK Namjoon, we'll get through whatever we both need to say," she said, trying to reassure him.

"You have things you want to say too," he asked, buying some time.

"Of course. I think, well, I think you're not just one of my best friends Joonie."

"I'm not," he acknowledged, playing it safe for a little longer when what he wanted to say is how he didn't want to just be friends with her. He was standing still and she was looking up at him from where she sat on the couch, eyes huge, soft, beautiful and then he couldn't stop his body moving forwards towards her. Reaching down for her hand, he pulled her so she was standing in front of him as she spoke.

"Is there more Namjoon? Could there be more?"

The words hung in the air and she looked at him, eyelashes long, contrasting with her pale skin. It was inevitable now, had been building for ages and he took her cue from the way she didn't look away as their eyes held each other.

"Gracie," he said, taking a breath and stepping even closer, tentatively putting his hands on her waist. "You have to know by now that you mean everything to me."

She nodded at him, accepting that this was as close a declaration she would get without being brave herself so stood up on her tiptoes, closing the gap so they were mere inches apart, taking in the way he exhaled as she did. "I hope you know I feel the same," and she tipped her head just a little, willing him to do what she knew she'd been wanting for more time than she'd realised.

Namjoon's eyes dropped from Grace's to her mouth, darting back to her eyes before he slowly traced down to her lips again, the moment extending as he tightened his hold on her body. Drifting closed at the last minute, she was able to see the way he took control, angling his body to match hers, piecing them together like a puzzle so that when they finally did touch their mouths together, it was what she knew she'd been missing. There was a split second where she thought he was just going to test the waters with a quick peck and pull away but as soon as the initial gentle brush of lips was over, leaving her wanting more, he pulled her against him, arms coming to hold her back so they were grounded together as his lips took over hers, firm, gentle, fiery, causing her to gasp as they finally pulled away from each other. She had to look down for a moment to gain her composure but when she looked up, Namjoon was looking into her eyes, concern evident.

"Grace, please tell me that you wanted that as much as I did and that I haven't just ruined everything between us," he asked, voice a little wobbly as he dropped one hand from her body to run through his hair.

"Finally," she answered with a smile and his eyes lit up. "I didn't think either of us was ever going to be brave enough to do anything about all of this," she said, indicating the air between them that was currently almost non existent as they stood linked together.

"Come, sit, we need to talk," Namjoon said, reaching for her hand and tugging her lightly to the sofa, not letting go as she fell into a pile next to him. They just stared at each other for a moment before ending up grinning, soft, goofy, shy looks that relieved so much of the tension that had been going on.

"I don't even know where to start," Grace said as Namjoon shook his head.

"Me either, apart from to say that I want to do that again," he replied, reaching for her nape and pulling her slightly closer as their lips locked for a moment, sliding luxuriously over each other. All she could think about was how deeply it felt like he kissed, more than just the moving of lips with some feelings behind it. It felt like he was getting to know all of her while they moved together and it was intoxicating. "Yeah, that's never going to get old," he said as they pulled apart and came up for breath.

Grace blushed at his words, feeling so much in that moment. "Did we just kiss," she blurted out and he started laughing.

"I don't know whether to be offended by that Gracie. Clearly I wasn't doing a good job if you couldn't tell."

"Oh I could definitely tell," Grace replied, touching her fingers to her lips.

"Me too," he said softly, lightly tracing her cheekbone and she closed her eyes at his touch.

"What is happening," she asked herself, words sounding into the room.

"Everything that I've been wanting for a long time Grace. Do you actually like me too? I mean, you're not just kissing me because we're friends and you don't want to tell me no and hurt my feelings?"

"Does that sound like me at all Joon," she asked, rolling her eyes but she could tell he meant it, that he was worried. "Honestly, I've found myself thinking of you a lot, all the time in fact. And wanting this to happen," she said, feeling a bit shy to say it but knowing it was the truth and she could finally admit it to herself.

"You have? I didn't know, I mean, you didn't give me any hints so I was taking a big risk today. Did you know I had feelings for you?"

"I wondered," she answered, leaning closer in as he slung his arm behind her back. "When you helped me so much all those times, it didn't feel like just friendship. And then there was the kiss."

"Ah yes the kiss," Namjoon said, blushing.

"Do you regret that," she asked, linking fingers with him as she gazed up at him.

"Not at all but maybe I should. I mean, it wasn't a normal thing for a friend to do. It kind of made things weird between us."

"Did it? In that moment, you silenced some of my insecurities and I loved you for it." Grace inhaled quickly the moment the words slipped out, watching as his eyes grew big.

"You loved me for it? For kissing your scar?"

"No, I loved you for going with your instincts, for trying to show me I was still attractive. The location just kind of happened."

"Yeah, I really couldn't stop myself, it was something I needed to do but I worried for weeks afterwards."

"Was that when you started going quiet when we were together? I mean most of the time we were fine but some times you seemed to be elsewhere."

"I was in my head the whole time, wondering what you were thinking about all of that, about me doing that. But I was mostly worried I'd changed things in our friendship."

"Do you think that now," Grace asked, tracing lines across the back of his hand, causing small flutters to twist in his gut.

"I'm hoping that we can build our friendship into something much, much more," he said, leaning in to kiss her gently again and she sighed into the embrace, comfortable in how they naturally fit together.

"Joonie," she said as they pulled away from each other again, "can we please not tell the others just yet. At least until we give ourselves a chance to explore this a little?"

"Of course," he replied instantly, "although I get the impression Sara might know something already?"

"Ah yes, she very clearly was the ringleader in making this all happen tonight."

"I'd like to think I was a part of it too," he joked. "It took a lot to kiss you."

"Because you didn't want it to change our friendship," Grace asked and he nodded. "I felt the same, I've kept it under wraps for the same reason."

"Well, I'm not at all disappointed that she threw us into it and forced it to come out. I needed a push," he said, laughing as he kissed her again.

"I did too," and she surrendered into the kiss, enjoying how easy it was, how right it felt, how her body responded to his as he drew her even closer.

"So, I really can stay a little longer tonight," he asked, pulling away and raising his eyebrow.

"Yes, maybe not the whole night, not just yet anyway but I want you to stay with me so we can talk a whole lot more. You need to tell me when you fell for me," she teased.

"Always Gracie, it's been for as long as I can remember," he replied, leaning in to take her lips again and she felt tears rise in her eyes, happy ones that remained unshed as she sank into his embrace.

Gah, finally! It's not finished though, not sure how many chapters to go, 1-3? Still writing it