A/N:
Surprise, surprise! Your bonus chapter had now become 2 bonus chapters!
I hope it was worth the wait :3
This chapter starts off several months (now February) after the events of the previous chapter as we visit how Izuku's and Katsuki's relationship is developing
Izuku was torn between wanting to squirm away and not wanting to move a muscle. It was like some kind of wonderful torture what Katsuki was doing with his tongue. The heat wrapped around his length was so tantalizing that the greenette found he couldn't even form words properly as the blonde sucked each breath out of him.
They had just come back from Shoji's birthday party, both of them lucky enough to attend since it had fallen on their day off, their rosters having changed around again the month earlier and both were lucky to share the Saturday off, something that Izuku very much believed had been arranged by their colleagues. The pair had never made any sort of official announcement outside of Izuku telling Ochaco once he had begun to grow more comfortable again with the more touchy-feely people in his life. And Katsuki grumbling an affirmation to Eijiro one night when the red head had poked the explosive man with questions. But they hadn't exactly been hiding their relationship either. Inside the office they kept it professional of course, to the best of their abilities...They may have been caught flirting on more than one occasion, but they were never physical with one another while on the clock. They weren't on the same shift, but still had some cross over so at least their time together wasn't so out of whack from opposite shifts that they never got to see one another like poor Eijiro and Mina had to endure for three months. Those two were making up for lost time now though.
With Katsuki having a later shift than Izuku each working day, that meant the blonde had needed to adjust his sleep schedule, which in turn led to Katsuki having more energy to burn on his evenings off and is what had led them to this moment.
At the party they had stayed till around eleven before making a move to leave, Izuku having decided prior that he was going to be spending the night at Katsuki's, as he often did. The blonde had been in some mood and had been touchy all evening. Their social circles crossed over here and there but usually the old Bakusquad and the cluster that Izuku had been closest to throughout high school stood apart. Everyone got along of course, but if no one broke into smaller groups, conversations twenty-one strong would be a nightmare to handle all evening long. Not that everyone could make it for the night as there was always a team on their shift, though some had swapped for the event. Being primarily in different social groups hadn't stopped Katsuki though, coming over from time to time and wrapping his arms around Izuku while he was in mid conversation with friends. Ochaco had pressed a hand to her mouth to prevent herself from laughing aloud when Izuku was trying to explain something, but Katsuki was suddenly behind him, arms wrapping around his middle and lips marking a trail down his neck. Izuku had tried to press on before Katsuki pressed in closer, feeling the blonde's body come flush to his from behind and Izuku turned pink.
Yep, Katsuki had been in a mood for sure.
Izuku would find those red eyes on him frequently from across the room, half lidded with a smirk as the blonde openly checked Izuku out. Izuku would frown in return and wave a hand to signal for the blonde to cool it, but then Katsuki's smirk would only widen enough to show teeth. Teeth that the blonde then slowly ran his tongue across and Izuku's gut would twist in a pleasant way. Izuku simple clenched his jaw, trying to will the heat creeping up his neck away as he turned his attention elsewhere.
Needless to say, the blonde was on him before they had even made it back to the apartment. Izuku even had to resort to holding Katsuki's hands – yep, both of them – on the cab ride home otherwise the blonde would have been trying to feel him up in the back seat and that was just too much. It's not that Izuku didn't like the attention, he did, any attention from the blonde made him feel special, but Izuku was a firm believer in there being a right time and place for such behaviour.
The blonde hadn't even had anything alcoholic to drink that night.
Katsuki behaved himself the rest of the way to his apartment, trailing a step behind Izuku and leaving the greenette to open the front door, the blonde having insisted that Izuku keep the spares when he had moved out months before. More surprisingly, Katsuki behaved even when they had stepped inside, shucked off their shoes and closed the door behind them. So much so that Izuku was starting to think that whatever had riled the blonde up was finally dissipating and allowing the other man to calm down. Izuku felt that was almost a shame really. He did like the attention after all.
"Want something to drink?" Izuku had asked as he shrugged off his coat, draping it over a seat and flicking on the kettle.
He could feel an ominous presence behind him.
"I'd like to drink you" Katsuki replied with a rumbling voice and buried his nose in Izuku's neck, nipping at the skin with a light growl. Izuku stifled a whimper and supressed a shiver. Instead, he turned to face the blonde, but Katsuki was so close behind him that when he did, he unwittingly trapped himself between the counter and a hard place.
"You can't drink me Kacchan," Izuku told him with a small smile, "I wouldn't taste any good" he flashed the blonde teeth as he smiled before attempting to turn back to the kettle that had announced it had boiled with an audible click. But Katsuki didn't let him, placing a hand on the counter top on either side of Izuku's body and pressing in closer, really letting Izuku feel his hard place, even through the denim.
"Won't know unless I try" the blonde smirked back, bringing his face in close enough that if Izuku just leaned forward half an inch, their lips would connect. It was very tempting, but Izuku also liked to show some restraint. He could also tell by Katsuki's behaviour alone that if he dared to lean in the blonde would just pull back teasingly.
Izuku's eyes met Katsuki's rubies, holding them there for a long moment.
"As I said," Izuku replied, letting the words drag across his tongue and smiling flirtatiously, "want something to drink?"
They held eye contact a moment more, waiting for one of them to make some kind of move. Katsuki was the one who moved first.
"Bastard" Katsuki hissed lightly, but there was no actual anger or annoyance to it, the blonde leaning in and pressing his lips to Izuku's.
Izuku pulled away, pressing a hand to Katsuki's chest till he was far enough that he could see Katsuki's face clearly.
"Me?" he asked in a higher pitch to make it obvious how audacious he thought the other man was being, "I'm the bastard? Says the one who kept making moves on me in front of everyone" Izuku retorted, but the smile playing on his lips let Katsuki know that he wasn't actually upset by it. Privacy would have been nice, but their friends had found it more entertaining than annoying. Thankfully.
"Yeah and is it working?" the blonde smirked in return.
Izuku wanted to let the words spill from his lips with an automatic "I always want you", but things were more complicated than that and even though Katsuki was well aware of it all and Izuku's circumstances, he didn't want to say the wrong thing and get the blonde's hopes up. They had been dating for months now and had done little more than kissing, caressing and hand jobs. There was the one-time Katsuki pressed their erections together in the shower and jacked them both off at once which had been arousing as all hell, just feeling so much more intimate, but that was as far as things had gone.
The blonde had been nothing but respectful and patient and Izuku loved him all the more for it, Katsuki always taking his time leading into things, watching Izuku's body language like a hawk for any signs that he wasn't on board and asking for verbal consent before reaching his hand downwards. Izuku wished he could do more though, he wanted to, just the thought of being even more intimate with Katsuki made his heart race and heat pool in his gut with anticipation. But he always held back his true thoughts on the matter because he was scared. Not scared of Katsuki, but scared that something might trigger him, that he would suddenly panic or lash out without thinking. He didn't want to hurt Katsuki physically or emotionally, so he held back, never feeling quite ready to make the first move himself.
Katsuki didn't wait long for Izuku to offer a response, instead lifting a hand to lower Izuku's pressed to his chest slowly and leaned back in for a kiss. But Izuku had done it now, only a couple of seconds had passed at most, but he had gotten too deep inside his own head and his smile faded from his lips. He raised his still free hand to cover Katsuki's lips. Katsuki paused, holding his position.
Izuku wondered what he should say next. If a "not tonight" would sound too sad or not, but before he could really ponder what to say Katsuki parted his lips and clamped his teeth around Izuku's index finger, lightly pinching its plush underside. He applied only mild pressure there, not even enough to leave a mark, yet he held the skin firmly between his teeth while his red eyes never left Izuku's. The greenette's breath came out with a small shudder.
"Kacchan" Izuku had hoped to sound more on the irritated side, but it half came out as a whine.
Katsuki hummed back in question without releasing his finger. Somehow that only got the heat creeping up Izuku's neck more.
But Izuku had no words to follow up with, so again, Katsuki made the move.
The blonde removed his hands for the counter top and released Izuku's finger, looking as though he were about to take a step back, when instead he crouched slightly, hands reaching around to grab the underside of Izuku's thighs so suddenly that the greenette's eyes widened before he was lifted from the floor. Katsuki hiked him up and Izuku's legs instinctually wrapped around the blonde's hips to support himself, arms coming forward to hold around Katsuki's neck. If he hadn't been so surprised, Izuku would have been annoyed that his body had reacted automatically in such a way.
Katsuki's hands held his thighs firmly and he lifted his chin to shoot a cocky smirk up at Izuku who managed a pout in return before the blonde turned them for the bedroom and walked them in.
The blonde didn't dump Izuku on the bed though, rather he perched on the edge on his knees, slowly leaned forward, hands releasing thighs to be on all fours atop the neatly made mattress and Izuku was left hanging like a koala. Katsuki made a small rumbling noise that Izuku took as an indication to let go and gently landed on his back beneath the blonde, who looked unfairly hot above him.
The other man leaned down, lips connecting with Izuku's as his body slowly followed, gently coming down till his body pressed against Izuku's. Arms lifted up to wrap around the blonde's body as their kiss deepened and tongues tangled together. Izuku didn't mind the weight on him at all, it was comforting in its own way. One of Katsuki's legs pushed in between Izuku's, the top of his thigh pressing down right against Izuku's boner. Not even Izuku's complicated thoughts could stop his body doing what it wanted and responding to Katsuki's behaviour in such a way, and the blonde noticed it, moving his leg gently and slowly rubbing against it. Another shuddering breath escaped Izuku in between their kisses.
Things only escalated from there as hands slid beneath shirts to caress skin, lips and teeth trailed along jaw lines and down necks and as their bodies repositioned to press crotches to the others to grind against. Izuku couldn't help but to let his hands explore Katsuki's hot skin and the let out breathy exhales as the blonde tangled their bodies together. Despite having dated for months now, moments like these were still few and far between and Izuku knew that was his fault. He knew that the blonde wanted more but held back for Izuku's sake. He liked that about Katsuki and appreciated it, but he also felt terrible for it, as though he was the one truly holding Katsuki back in this aspect of the blonde's life.
One of Katsuki's hands ventured south till it gently caressed the top of Izuku's erection on top of his jeans and then rested there, the blonde lifting his upper body enough to look down to Izuku clearly, silently asking the question if it was okay to go there or not. At this point in their relationship, Izuku didn't need to verbally give his consent or even offer a nod to the blonde, just the look in his eyes was enough for the blonde to know he had received the go ahead and promptly began his caressing again, letting his body sink back down to reconnect their lips, Izuku embracing it.
The caressing started gently, just enough pressure being applied for Izuku to feel it through the material of his pants, but it wasn't long before Katsuki applied some more, giving Izuku's length a squeeze through the denim before abandoning that completely and undoing the button and zip with one hand, sliding it back down to lay between the thick denim and the much thinner material of Izuku's underwear. If Katsuki's hand hadn't felt so nice there, Izuku would have been embarrassed at how the tip of his cock had leaked and created a wet spot through his underwear.
A single whimpering moan escaping Izuku's lips as Katsuki teased the head of Izuku's cock through the material, and the blonde dove right in, slipping his hand under the waist band of Izuku's underwear to repeat the same motion on bare skin. Izuku didn't have the time nor the control to swallow down the next moan that escaped him and Katsuki clamped his teeth on the side of Izuku's neck in response. Katsuki held Izuku there between his teeth, the greenette feeling the heated breaths that escaped him there and only found them even more arousing, telling Izuku of the blonde's own growing excitement and enjoyment at touching him.
Slowly, Katsuki opened his jaw, lifting his head to nip at Izuku's bottom lip.
"I want to eat you" the blonde repeated with an exhale. Izuku knew though it wasn't phrased as a question, that it was and just so he knew exactly what Katsuki was referring to, the blonde squeezed Izuku's length, applying a firm, pleasant pressure.
Izuku dared to give a nod.
Katsuki planted his lips against Izuku's in a lingering kiss before slowly withdrawing himself and retreating further down the bed, hand slipping out of Izuku's pants as he did.
Izuku couldn't bare to lift his head to look, feeling the blonde gently pull at the waist band of his jeans. As it was, the greenette's checks felt hot from knowing what Katsuki intended to do. It was not something Izuku's abuser had done, so that wasn't exactly one of Izuku's worries, but he was suddenly struck with other concerns such as whether he should push the blonde away and insist on showering first – something that would probably ruin the mood as a whole – or if the blonde would find it – and in turn Izuku himself – disgusting.
A warm hand touched Izuku's side where his shirt had crept up and slid down it to Izuku's hip, a gentle way of Katsuki asking for Izuku's attention. He had felt it before on several occasions including standing in the office. Katsuki would come up behind and place a gloved hand to his side, slowly sliding down his body to his hip to ground Izuku, drag him back from his own thoughts and make him turn to face the blonde. Izuku couldn't exactly recall when Katsuki had first done it or how it had become a thing, but it was a small action that had become so important and special to him.
Izuku opened his eyes, not even realising he had closed them in the first place, and lifted his head to look to Katsuki, a shape mostly cast in shadow from the living room light coming in through the open door behind him. Katsuki's hands went back to the top of Izuku's pants and gave a light tug and Izuku understood, lifting his hips to allow the blonde to pull the denim down. Izuku was sure that if things had been different, the impatient blonde he had both known and loved all his life would have just burnt the material from him, not caring if that pants would never be useable again, but instead Katsuki was gentle, slowly pulling the pants down Izuku's legs and off completely. It was a small thing that pained Izuku inside, feeling that the blonde was hiding his true hungry and dominating character for Izuku's sake.
He couldn't think on that for long though when Katsuki pulled down the elastic of his underwear and Izuku's erection popped free. It was cold for a moment before one of Katsuki's hands wrapped back around it, slowly stroking.
"Are you sure?" Katsuki asked in a hushed voice, hand slowing but never stopping. Izuku didn't want to use his words again, but he knew he needed to, for Katsuki to know for certain that he was okay with it.
"Yes" Izuku breathed out and that was all Katsuki needed to continue.
The blonde, with knees down at Izuku's feet, bent down and Izuku had to drop his head back down to the mattress, unable to meet the blonde's steamy eyes as he closed in on him. Izuku felt wet, hot muscle slowly glide up his length from base to tip before it was engulfed by it. Izuku's breath came in as a gasp from the sudden overwhelming sensation. He had never experienced anything like it before. The warmth, the wetness, the feeling of Katsuki's hot tongue teasing his cock. It was both blissful and torturous what Katsuki was doing and Izuku was so overwhelmed that he couldn't decide if he wanted it to end or go on for an eternity. He resisted the urge to buck his hips, not wanting to disrupt the rhythm Katsuki was building but was getting driven wild by the need to reach out to Katsuki, to let him know in some way of how much he enjoyed it – though realistically the blonde was probably already well aware of that from the embarrassing noises escaping Izuku already.
Izuku's hands stretched out to reach Katsuki, fingers entangling in his short blonde hair and gripping there like an anchor point. Katsuki pulled back some, flicking his tongue across Izuku's little hole at his tip, killing whatever progress his second hand had in reaching the blonde, instead falling back to the bed and clutching a handful of it with a deep moan. Katsuki swallowed Izuku's cock down deeper again.
They remained that way for a minute more – perhaps less – with Katsuki's head bobbing up and down on Izuku's cock and the greenette gripping at the blonde's hair almost desperately before Izuku felt it.
"Ka-kacha-nn" Izuku tried to call out, but he was breathless and couldn't help the word breaking up between the blonde's torturous motions, "I'm g-gonna-" he attempted to warn the blonde so he could stop or pull away or something, but Katsuki had no such plans. Instead, the blonde seemed to adjust his shoulders, bettering his position and taking Izuku in deeper till he could feel his tip bumping against the back of the blonde's throat. Izuku didn't have any words left in him as he climaxed right into the blonde's throat.
Izuku dared to lift his head as he felt Katsuki's mouth slide up and off his cock, panting and feeling utterly ashamed of what had just happened, but before his mouth could form to words to apologize, Katsuki lifted his gaze to meet Izuku's over his pelvis. There was a thin line of fluid running from Katsuki's lips still connected to Izuku before the blonde lifted a hand, wiping the line away with his thumb slowly. More movement caught the greenette's eye, the adam's apple of Katsuki's throat, bobbing as he swallowed Izuku's load then had the tenacity to smirk back Izuku's way with his steamy red eyes.
Izuku threw his head back down, hand rising to cover his own mouth to prevent the utterly pathetic whine that was trying to creep up his throat at how impossibly hot the blonde was being.
He could feel the mattress shift as Katsuki moved, remaining on all fours, with limbs on either side of Izuku's body as the blonde crept up the mattress to hover above him. Izuku closed his eyes, not daring to meet the blonde's when he felt something hot and wet make a path up his cheek.
"Kacchan!" Izuku squealed as he tore his hand from his own mouth and opened his green eyes wide, only to be met with a shit-eating grin of Katsuki above him.
"How was that?" the blonde asked and Izuku clamped his mouth shut, lips pressing together tightly as heat crept up his neck and bloomed in his cheeks.
"Good?" Katsuki pressed, leaning in closer. Izuku managed a nod.
"More than just good?" the blonde smirked.
Izuku nodded with more enthusiasm.
"Good" Katsuki replied quietly, coming in the rest of the way and planted a kiss against Izuku's forehead before pulling back with a more natural and affectionate smile that made Izuku's heart swoon. The blonde shifted to remove himself from above Izuku when the greenette's hand shot up to grab at Katsuki's wrist, bringing the blonde's full attention back to him with a curious red gaze.
Words simply wouldn't come yet, so with green eyes holding red, Izuku's other hand shifted to cup Katsuki's own hard problem. To the blonde's credit the only sign he had felt the contact was the slightest twitch of an eye. Izuku moved his fingers, caressing the mass behind the denim and applying light pressure.
Katsuki slowly leaned back, perching high on his knees and Izuku followed him upwards, legs between Katsuki's. Izuku's eyes dropped to where his hand was. He removed his other hand from Katsuki's wrist to pry at the button above it.
Katsuki's hand grabbed Izuku's wrist, halting his progress on the button.
Izuku didn't lift his gaze.
"No," Katsuki said gently, "you don't need to do that" he slowly released Izuku's wrist, leaned forward just enough for Izuku to feel the gentle press of a kiss atop his head and then pulled away, somehow gracefully slipping off the mattress to stand at its end.
Katsuki always did this. Always pleased Izuku and then left himself hanging. The blonde had just sucked Izuku off and yet he wouldn't let the greenette to return the favour. Even now, in all the months they had been a couple, Izuku had only jerked the blonde off three times, tops. While the blonde…. Izuku hadn't been counting. At first Izuku had thought it was just Katsuki being Katsuki in his own stubborn and dominant way. But the blonde always seemed gentler after the act, with more tender kisses, softer spoken words and smoother movements, none of it screamed Katsuki's need to dominate. After that Izuku began to believe that Katsuki was holding him back for his own sake, enforcing that Izuku didn't need to return the favours or be in charge of pleasuring Katsuki, purely to save Izuku from…. What he didn't quiet know. Perhaps the other man thought Izuku would get triggered by something. It had even crossed Izuku's mind at a point that maybe Katsuki didn't want Izuku touching him, didn't want Izuku to disappoint him OR that perhaps he wasn't attracted to Izuku that way. Something that didn't even make much sense but had still settled in Izuku's mind like a leaf falling upon calm water and sending our ripples of anxiety in its wake. But Katsuki did like Izuku's touch. The way Katsuki's body shuddered, the way his breath caught in his chest and how his hot red gaze was laced with lust afterwards, like it was never enough and he wanted more, yet the blonde never made a move to take more.
"Why do you do that?" Izuku spoke up quietly, unsure if he even wanted the words to be heard as they left his lips.
"What?" Katsuki asked, voice free of any annoyance. Katsuki turned his face Izuku's way from where he had started to take a few steps towards the bathroom. A cold shower to himself to calm down no doubt. No Greenette's allowed.
"You never let me do it back" Izuku explained, his voice coming a little stronger. Green eyes looked to Katsuki with a frown. Katsuki's eyes flicked up and down Izuku's body, sitting atop the mattress still. And still lacking pants.
"You do it back" Katsuki answered.
"Hardly" Izuku replied with a huff and wriggled to the end of the mattress so he could stand, taking a quick moment to pull his underwear back up properly. Starting a conversation like this didn't feel quite as right with your dick hanging out.
"What, you want to suck dick?" Katsuki threw back, some hardness returning to his voice. A warning that Katsuki didn't like where the conversation as leading.
"And what if I did" Izuku threw in return, green brows creasing at Katsuki's tone. The blonde scoffed at him, looking away to roll his eyes before turning his body fully to face Izuku's. They were only feet apart.
"You don't want that" the blonde attempted to diffuse with a smirk, but there was no warmth to it.
"How'd you know?" Izuku's voice raised a fraction and that was enough for Katsuki's smirk to drop, "Was it that bad?" Izuku tacked on with a firm tone.
Katsuki's lips pressed into a frown, the blonde not having as swift a come back as usual. A fact that would irritate Katsuki more than Izuku's tone.
"Well?" Izuku pressed and he could see that ticked the blonde off more. But Izuku wasn't about to turn tail now and drop the conversation.
"No," Katsuki replied, surprisingly calmer sounding that Izuku had expected, "it wasn't"
"Then what's the problem?" Izuku pressed on, allowing his tone to soften. Katsuki's eyes flicked away, a tell-tale sign that he didn't want to answer it.
"Why do you want to do it?" Katsuki diverted, eyes coming back to Izuku, "You don't have to do it just because I did"
"That's not it," Izuku pushed back, "It's just not fair"
"It doesn't have to be fair" Katsuki pushed in return.
"No, it's not fair that you won't even let me try" Izuku's voice rose slightly again. Katsuki's eyes narrowed his way, but the blonde didn't open his mouth.
"I just want to know why?" Izuku asked more calmly after a moment.
Katsuki tensed his jaw and turned his face away.
"Kacch-" Izuku went to press gently.
"Just give me a moment," the blonde threw back, "you know I'm shit with this kinda stuff" he growled out the last few words and Izuku patiently closed his lips and waited, lowering himself to sit on the edge of the mattress again.
After several seconds, Katsuki let out a huff, opening his mouth to speak without looking back Izuku's way.
"Look, it's not that I don't want you to do it," Izuku's lips parted, but Katsuki had seen it coming, looking back Izuku's way with a hand raised to silence him, "it's just….." he couldn't find the word or it was trapped in his throat, "complicated" the blonde settled for and Izuku pressed his lips together. If anyone knew how complicated it could get, it was Izuku himself.
The blonde took in a deep breath.
"It's just, I don't want to make you do anything that could make you…." he searched for a word again, "uncomfortable. And I don't want you doing it just because you feel you have to pay me back or some shit for doing it to you"
"That's not it," Izuku repeated. Katsuki let out a sigh before stepping forward, closing the few feet between them.
"I want to do it. I want to try, but-" Katsuki gently planted his hands atop Izuku's shoulders, the greenette lifting his chin to look up.
"I don't want to hurt you," Katsuki confessed, his expression solemn.
"You won't" Izuku pressed, "is this because you're worried I'll freak out or something, because-"
"I don't want to dredge up memories of that asshole for you every time we do anything," Katsuki took over, "I don't want to keep reminding you of that shit, but I also can't just dive in. I always ask to make sure you're okay with what I'm doing, but that doesn't mean I don't worry that you're just letting me do it for me and –" he broke off with a growl of annoyance at himself, never the one for this kind of deeper conversation, "I feel like I'm pushing things if you do all that to me too. Do you get what I'm saying?"
The sad answer was yes. Izuku knew. He understood and hearing Katsuki grate those words out through his teeth as he tried to not let his anger at even mentioning that snake eyed man and what he had done – and Katsuki's own frustrations with himself – slip through must have taken the blonde a monumental amount of control. But Izuku could understand where the blonde was coming from, not wanting to dredge up painful memories of Izuku's.
"So, you do want head?" Izuku asked after a moment, raising an eyebrow up at the blonde in an attempt the lighten the mood. Katsuki's eyebrows creased down at Izuku.
"Screw you" the blonde huffed, gently swatting Izuku across the back of his head.
"So, you want to do that too?" Izuku pressed as a tease and it worked to catch the blonde off guard, the corner of his eye twitching at trapping himself in such a way.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Katsuki scoffed with an eye roll to recover, stepping away and turned himself back towards the ensuite.
"I would actually" Izuku dared to smirk and had accomplished catching Katsuki off guard once again as the blonde halted. Katsuki's face turned back Izuku's way, lips pressed into a straight line and eyes somewhat searching as though trying to figure out if Izuku was being serious or not.
Izuku was, kind of. He did want to do those sorts of thing and much more with Katsuki. That sort of content had crossed Izuku's mind many times before they had ever begun dating and Izuku would be lying if they didn't cross his mind more now. Especially when Katsuki teased and touched Izuku so. But it was also complicated and Izuku's own teasing words was more of a brave face than anything else because in reality, if Katsuki were to come back to him, push him down and have his way with him, Izuku would panic. It was torturous, the want to do more with Katsuki but having to take each step so slowly and carefully when Izuku knew he wanted more, and he knew Katsuki did too. The only thing keeping them from each other was themselves. Izuku afraid to take the plunge and to give in to his desires and urge the blonde on further, fearful that he would panic and hurt Katsuki in some way. And Katsuki, concerned that one wrong move, one misplaced hold or misspoken word could spark a terrible memory for Izuku and upset him. Neither of them wanted to risk pushing things and ruining something that was supposed to be special between them.
Katsuki's calculating gaze seemed to take all of that in and more within a second before his eyelids dropped with a sigh, he shook his head gently to himself and continued on to the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him. Soon the only sound filling the silence was the distant sound of running water.
Izuku's shoulders dropped with a defeated sigh of his own, kicking himself mentally for teasing Katsuki like that. He was well aware by now that Katsuki very much desired him the same way he desired Katsuki. It felt like an awful game of pulling at each other's hair and Izuku hated it. He had let himself go in the moment and spoken the first things to come to his mind rather than watching his words more carefully, because although sex with the blonde interested him very much, it obviously wasn't that easy, and he didn't want to get Katsuki's hopes up that things could heat up between them so soon. Izuku just wanted to enjoy being with Katsuki in every way he could. From sitting on the couch doing their own things in comfortable silence, chatting over a meal, snuggling together to sleep and to all the physical things that came with the relationship territory.
When Katsuki finally emerged from the shower, unfairly clad in nothing but a towel around his hips, and flicked on the bedroom light, Izuku sat up on the bed, unmoved from where he been prior, only having laid down. He could tell from how tensely Katsuki held himself that the blonde had something on his mind.
Katsuki closed his eyes where he stood, flexing his neck by turning his head this way and that as though trying to relieve himself of physical tension before taking in and releasing a big breath and visibly trying to resist the urge to cross his arms over his bare chest.
"You really want to do this?" Katsuki asked with all seriousness as he opened his eyes again and trained them onto Izuku.
Izuku gave a nod, not trusting his voice in the moment as that one question carried to much weight with it.
Katsuki took a moment, closing his eyes again for a second as though thinking Izuku's response over.
"Fine," Katsuki responded, "but we're gonna talk about it first," Katsuki stepped closer to the bed before halting again with a raised finger, "and not tonight" he added firmly. Izuku nodded his agreement again and the blonde finally came to sit down beside him on the edge of the bed.
They discussed many things.
Katsuki letting go a little and letting Izuku have the freedom to initiate things such as hand – and now blow – jobs and so on with him, rather than turning Izuku down because of his own worries – Izuku insisted that he wanted to do such things to Katsuki and that he wasn't pushing himself out of his comfort zone. Katsuki even made him promise to stop what he was doing if ever he did start to feel uncomfortable.
Izuku insisting that Katsuki not feel bad for wanting to naturally take their fun to the next step and that he even encouraged it, promising again that if the blonde ever did anything that made Izuku feel uncomfortable that he would say so and that they would stop. Izuku just didn't want there to be such formal discussion around every time their physical relationship escalated. Sure, this time things had felt far more natural and Izuku liked it that way, not like in the past where their kissing had led to grinding and grinding had led hands trailing southwards, but many times Katsuki would stop, pull away and check in for verbal consent, even when he had done it before. Katsuki didn't do it all the time, pausing the natural progression and upsetting the mood a little to ask and Izuku understood that Katsuki was just trying to care for Izuku, but Izuku still far preferred it when things went on uninterrupted. The blonde meant nothing by it, but every time he stopped to ask, it was a reminder of why the blonde felt the need to stop and ask in the first place. Izuku was all for consent – don't get him wrong – but when the mood was building so smoothly it always set Izuku back a pace like he needed warming up again.
And finally, they discussed the elephant in the room.
Sex.
They both agreed that they wanted it, that they wanted to go all the way eventually and thought it best to clear the water now, but they both had their concerns around it.
For Izuku, yes, he was raped so the idea of sex was an unpleasant one. It had been rough and painful, leaving blood and bruises in its wake, but Izuku also knew that it wasn't always like that. Izuku had full trust that Katsuki wouldn't treat him that way. But that didn't make the memory of that night magically go away. Izuku had never put much thought in learning and understanding the dynamics of two men having sex and after his assault he certainly hadn't wanted to, but since dating Katsuki and the physical aspects of their relationship progressing, only leaving Izuku growing more sexually frustrated – something that surprised him – he had taken a few peeks into it. Since then, he learnt that when done correctly, sex didn't have to be painful – he did read that the first time may not be so pleasant – and with preparation it could be very pleasurable. He had gone as far as researching how one goes about preparing themselves for anal sex and peeking at some porn and well, he had stopped there. He wasn't even sure if he could go ahead with sex yet – though he did want Katsuki – so he wasn't about to start sticking fingers and objects in dark places to prepare himself for something that he didn't even know if Katsuki would have wanted to do yet either. Their conversation cleared that aspect up pretty quickly though.
"Of course, I do" Katsuki rolled his eyes and tipped back his head with exaggeration after Izuku had asked him, yet again, if he was certain he wanted to have sex with Izuku at some point. The greenette couldn't help the niggling thought of how filthy it had made him feel when he had his virginity snatched away from him and he fretted that after the act that Katsuki may be left feeling dirty and – worse yet – regretful.
"You idiot," Katsuki threw an arm around Izuku's shoulders and pulled him in closer like some kind of half hug, "do you have any idea how long I've wanted to be with you?"
Izuku cheeks flushed.
"I'm not just talking about sex nerd" Katsuki released his hold and shouldered Izuku away playfully.
"I know," Izuku replied, but he couldn't bring himself to turn his gaze to Katsuki just yet, "I've wanted it too"
"Oh, you know do you?" Izuku's gaze flicked up to be met with Katsuki raising an eyebrow his way teasingly.
Izuku gave him a shove with his shoulder in return.
"I want to do it too," Izuku lowered his gaze to his hands in his lap, "but I'm worried that I won't be able to separate my thoughts" Izuku was grateful that he didn't have to explain himself further and that Katsuki just simply understood the meaning of his words.
The blonde let out a sigh.
"I know," Katsuki spoke more calmly, leaning in to gently press his shoulder to Izuku's comfortingly, "I thought of that shit too. But," his voice rose a fraction, "I've also thought of a few things that may help"
Izuku turned his face to blink back at Katsuki.
"I don't know if they'll help, but it's just a thought" the blonde added.
"What?" Izuku pressed with an ember of hope.
"Well, you could be on top" Katsuki's red eyes flicked to the side, looking to Izuku without turning his head fully the greenette's way. Watching for Izuku's reaction to the idea without making Izuku feel pressured by his direct gaze.
When Izuku pictured sex with Katsuki, he always imagined the blonde on top. That position had always just seemed to match the blonde's energy and personality. In no version of that fantasy had Izuku ever picture the explosive man being the bottom. A flame flickered deep inside Izuku's gut as he tried to picture it, Katsuki beneath him, mouth open and panting from the pleasure of Izuku fucking him. The mental image was arousing, sure, but Izuku couldn't shake the dissatisfaction that it went against everything he had ever imagined of Katsuki. It felt silly to compare this current imaginary image to all of Izuku's other imaginings – seeing as none of them were real – but part of it just felt wrong. But then again, Izuku wondered if he could bring himself to be the one beneath someone else again. After all there was a big difference between one's imagination and the real deal. Even if it was Katsuki.
But then another thought; what if Katsuki wanted to be the one below Izuku?
"I don't know" Izuku conceded, "what do you want?" he asked.
"I want whatever works," the blonde replied without having to think about it, "I just figured that if we're going to do this at some point, that maybe you'd feel better about it if you're the one in control of it" Katsuki explained.
Izuku hadn't thought of it that way. But then again, being the one in control sounded overwhelming. From the very limited information Izuku had read and watched – thank you porn, but also no thank you – being the top seemed like a lot of responsibility. Izuku would be the one controlling the pace, depth, angle and probably so much more that he couldn't even think of at that moment. Surely there was a different way and just as Izuku thought it, Katsuki spoke up.
"I can hear the damn gears in your head turning," Katsuki scoffed after Izuku hadn't spoken up, "when I say you be the one in control, I don't mean you have to be the damn top or whatever. Just be on top" Katsuki had said the words as Izuku had thought them.
Izuku could picture that more easily, though heat crept up his neck at the thought of him on top of Katsuki, legs spread, the blonde's hot hands on his hips as Izuku took control of it all while still receiving. It didn't take something away like imagining it the other way around had. The warmth creeping up his neck bloomed in Izuku's cheeks as his mind still dwelled on it. Being on top like that would feel embarrassing no doubt. Katsuki would be able to see, well, everything from below, that and Izuku would still have to think – and most likely overthink – what he was doing.
"Or we don't have to do anything at all," Katsuki spoke up more seriously after Izuku still hadn't said a thing, "I don't care, alright. Whatever makes you comfortable" the blonde's words sounded harsh as they usually did, but Izuku knew that behind it, Katsuki was sincere.
"No," Izuku spoke up softly, "I want to do it. There's just a lot to think about still is all" Izuku explained, and Katsuki looked to him.
"That's fine," the blonde moved to stand, "no rush" he moved to step towards the door when Izuku reached forward, grasping one of Katsuki's hands in his own. The blonde paused and looked back to him in question.
Izuku merely raised his other hand to point at Katsuki's crotch.
"Seriously?" the blonde scoffed.
Izuku didn't trust his voice and merely nodded with a hum. Katsuki tipped back his head with an exaggerated groan.
"I never should have agreed to let you do what you want" the blonde grumbled out, but behind it Izuku could hear the smirk touching his lips and dared to lift his head, shooting a smile the blonde's way before gently pulling on Katsuki's hand to bring him in closer.
With Katsuki standing before Izuku's seated position, it was almost the perfect height.
A/N:
Thank you to all of the returning readers who had been hanging out for this (now "these") bonus chapters!
There's only one problem and that is which perspective to write the next chapter in as things get hot and heavy.
Izuku's or Katsuki's?
Please let me know what you readers think.
I also just wanted to discuss a little around Izuku's desire for sex even after being raped. Rape is a horrible thing, we all know that, but not everyone handles their trauma the same. After experiencing something as horrific as rape, yes some people may no longer have the desire for sex for some time, while for others (myself included) after having some time to settle my thoughts and build myself back up again I went out and had sex, purely because I wanted to have that sense of control back in my life and didn't want to be afraid of something that comes so natural to many. I cried afterwards but it was an important step in my own personal healing process and proved to myself that I was more than my trauma and that I didn't have to fear it and spend my life tip toeing around it. That is just my own personal experience and I know I'm not along in this after talking to other assault survivors throughout the years. It may not work for all, but it worked for me and as mentioned in a note somewhere else in this story (the beginning? I don't remember) I am basing a good portion (not all) of Izuku's recovery on my own because that's what I have experience with and can write about more easily.