Sky hated to admit it, but Cody had been right. Eating, showering, and leaving the house had made her feel somewhat better.

It felt like a betrayal towards Luke, though. Here she was, broken and sad and desperate, but alive nevertheless, eating and showering, breathing, her heart beating, and Luke was in a coffin six feet under, maggots eating through his translucent skin, turning him into dirt and dust while the world kept going on as if he had never existed at all.

Sky swallowed hard to keep the tears down as Cody steered the car into the parking lot of the Miyagi-Do, and turned off the engine. There was a lump in her throat, but it wouldn't move. Luke was dead but she wasn't. It was unfair and it was sad and it was gut-wrenchingly horrible, but Dad had been right and Cody had been right, she couldn't stay in the bed forever. Shutting away the world hadn't brought Kat back, and it wouldn't bring Luke back either.

"You ready?" Cody asked with a silent, gentle tone, glancing towards her.

"No," she replied truthfully. "But whatever— let's get this done."

She opened the door and stepped out of the car, but her feet wouldn't move towards the entrance. She stayed frozen next to the car, leaning her back against its side which was warm under the sunlight. The weather was beautiful, very Californian, with bright sunlight and barely a couple of clouds - it already held the promise of spring, even if it was still months away.

Cody had walked around the car and leaned on it next to Sky, letting out a long sigh.

"It's gonna be okay," he said. "It'll do you good to get something else to think about."

Sky shrugged and turned her eyes to her toes, kicking the yellow dirt absentmindedly. Her pink sneakers were too bright, they were an insult to her mourning, grieving heart. She wished she owned a pair of black ones, made a decision to buy some. She was never wearing pink again, just black, black, black, the color of her broken heart, of her shattered soul.

"Yeah, I know," she muttered. "I just— I wish Sensei Lawrence was here."

She had texted Miguel on her way here, to let everyone know she was coming, but Miguel's reply had left her feeling hollow and scared. He had told her that the senseis had agreed to work with the Eagle-Fangs and the Miyagi-Do's separately this week. Apparently, Mr. LaRusso wanted the Eagle Fangs to learn more defense, and Johnny—

Well, Sky wasn't quite sure what he was going to teach the Miyagi-Do's, but whatever it was, she was jealous. She would have needed Johnny today - his humor, his energy, his strength, his contagious confidence. He would've gotten her out of this miserable slump, he would have believed there was still a badass fighter inside of this broken and crippled girl. Johnny had always believed in her, always pushed her to her limits and over them, making Sky do one impossible thing after another. When she was with him, Sky knew there was nothing she couldn't do. She could fucking fly if he believed he would.

But —

Sky let out a long, nervous sigh. Mr. LaRusso was nice and all, but he would never understand her like Johnny did. Besides, he was Sam's dad. And Sam still hadn't replied to Sky's texts - the latest one she had sent her from the car, saying I'm so sorry, Sam. I know I fucked up. Can we please talk? was read but no answer had come, which felt like a punch in the gut.

Cody had assured her that Sam wanted her to come back to the dojo, but whatever he had said, she wasn't feeling it. The thought that her stupid actions had not only gotten Luke killed and broken Cody's heart, but had also ruined her friendship with Sam, was too heavy to take. Sam had been there for her through everything, and Sky had almost given her life for Sam - and now what? Were her stupid lies and her stupid addiction ruining the best friendship she'd had since Kat? It was too much, she was too tired of losing people, she had lost too much already. Tears welled in her eyes, and she was unable to stop them - since Luke's death she had cried an Ocean, but it seemed there was no limit to the amount of tears she could shed.

"Hey, hey, what is it?" Cody asked, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. His palm was hot, she felt the warmth of his hand through her black, oversized T-shirt, one of Kat's old shirts. She turned her eyes to Cody and wiped her cheeks, but her voice still came out weak and a bit shaky when she spoke.

"Can you come with me? Please? I– I don't think I can do this alone."

"With you? You mean— for the class?"

"Please. I— I need you."

Cody let out a tense breath, weighing the car keys in his hands as he glanced around, his gaze briefly stopping in Hawk's bike that was parked next to the Japanese-style building - but then his posture straightened and he stuffed the keys into the pocket of his jeans.

"Of course," he said and took her hand. "Whatever you need."

Sky swallowed hard, and let her fingers entwine with his. Too kind, he was too kind and too gentle and too loving, and she was a piece of shit for taking his kindness, she was a leech sucking away his love, taking away his strength and using it to get back on her feet as if he didn't need that strength himself, as if he didn't deserve better, as if she had any right to ask anything of him after the way she had ruined his birthday.

With his hand in hers, Sky walked in through the Japanese-style building where the sight of the medal of honor in its case on the wall briefly wrenched her gut like a knife, making her squeeze Cody's hand a bit harder. She wasn't going to think about that medal now, or about the way she had found it in Hawk's drawer, about his lies that had made her want to die, about the calling of the dark river, the silence in her room after she had swallowed the last pill—

She didn't want to think about that, but did nevertheless, just like every time she was here, just like every time she saw that damn medal and remembered how it had felt in her fingers, the sharp edges digging into her palm when she picked it up from the carpet where it had fallen when she had picked up the T-shirt with the picture of the Millenium Falcon. It still felt like her insides were carved out. It would always be a reminder for her, of the first time Hawk had broken her heart, of all the lies he had told, of the fact that no matter what he said, she could never trust him.

Cody's hand was warm in hers, steady and gentle, it was her lifeline, her beacon of light in the night, and Sky gripped it hard in her trembling hand when she slid open the doors and stepped into the yard where all the Eagle Fangs were already waiting for the class to start.

Sky's glance stopped in Hawk - his blood-red mohawk was such an eye-catcher, always impossible to ignore - and even against her will, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him.

"I'm sorry for everything.

I miss you like Hell.

I love you. I never stopped loving you."

The things he had said in the letter rushed through Sky's bloodstream like a tsunami, suddenly taking her breath away. Her cheeks heating, she turned her eyes down, gripping Cody's hand harder.

Cody. She had asked him to come with her, for this, for this, for this - because if she didn't have his hand in hers, she would crumble, she would fall. She would go to Hawk and tell him she forgave it all, and oh God, that she missed him too, missed him like he was her heart that was cut out of her body, that even if stupid and irrational and self-destructive, she had never stopped loving him either—

Insanity. I'm a bloody fool. He broke my heart, he made me want to die. He almost murdered Cody. I need to stay away from him, nothing good will come out of that love—

"Sky— You're here. That's— that's great." Sky dropped back into the moment, her heart still racing in her chest. Her hand fell from Cody's as she noticed Mr. LaRusso walking towards them, a concerned look on his kind face. "I was so scared you wouldn't come back after— after what happened. How are you? Are you feeling alright?"

"I— I'm fine, ," Sky managed, trying to find her voice. "Thank you."

"Good. Good, it's wonderful to have you back," He nodded and then turned his glance to Cody, who stood silent and still next to Sky. "And you— your name is Cody, right?"

"Cody Bishop," Cody's voice was perfectly calm and cool, polite and emotionless. "Sky asked me to come with her today - if that's okay?"

"Oh, certainly. Miyagi-Do is open for everyone—"

"Mr. LaRusso—" Sky interrupted her Sensei mid-sentence. The words inside of her had been building and taking shape all the way here, and now, in front of Sam's Dad, it was impossible to keep them down anymore. "I— I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. For relapsing. And— and for what happened at my party. Luke— Luke's death was my fault. I'm so sorry that Sam— and everyone else got in the middle of that mess."

"Sky—" Mr. LaRusso started, a look of concern and sadness falling over his face, making Sky feel miserable. She didn't want his pity, his concern. This is why she would have preferred to have this talk with Johnny, not . Johnny wouldn't have pitied her - he would have told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and to start kicking ass instead. In front of Mr. LaRusso Sky didn't feel stronger, she felt weaker, she was a junkie, and a loser and a disappointment, she shouldn't have come.

"So if you want me to leave, I get it," she forced out those words. "It might be better for— for everyone if I just left."

"Sky, no—" Mr. LaRusso spoke softly, shaking his head. "I said that it's wonderful to have you back, and I meant it. This week must have been incredibly hard for you, but what matters is that you're here. There's always a new start, a new beginning. You can always come back to Miyagi-Do, Sky. I hope you know it."

Sky's heart swelled painfully in her chest, her eyes filled with tears, and she had to fight not to let them run free. His pity and his compassion only made her feel worse. Pathetic. She was a pathetic loser. She hadn't come here to cry, but the stupid tears wouldn't stop. Besides, whatever Mr. Larusso said, Sam still wasn't talking to her, and that - Sky knew - would be a huge problem if the dojos started training together again.

She forced herself to let out a slow, trembling breath and gave a shaky nod. The sooner this conversation was over, the better.

"Okay, thank you. What— what are we going to do today?"

Mr. LaRusso laid an encouraging hand on her shoulder and smiled. "You'll see soon enough. It's all about going in circles."

He then turned his eyes to Cody, and with the same smile, asked: "And you, Cody? Are you thinking of joining Miyagi-Do or Eagle Fang?"

Cody shook his head, forcing out a laugh as he pushed a hand through his dark hair, pulling the strands off his eyes. "No, I don't think so. Just here for today, if that's okay?"

"If you're here, you might as well join the class and not just watch, right? Do you have any experience in Karate?"

"No. But I do Muay Thai and kickboxing a couple of times a week," Cody replied, showing no emotion, even if his glance flickered to the kids standing some distance away. His glance stopped in Hawk, and his throat bobbed before he drew his eyes away, back to Mr. LaRusso.

"Muay Thai and kickboxing?" Mr. LaRusso laughed. "Those are pretty aggressive choices."

"Well, from what I've seen, karate can be pretty aggressive too," Cody rasped, turning his eyes down.

"Not the way we do it here. Miyagi-Do is all about defense, and balance within. It might do you good. So, what do you say? Should we get started?"

"Okay, we're ready," Sky replied in Cody's place, taking his hand again as she noticed the look on his face - the blank, emotionless mask he used to hide the things he was really feeling. His eyes were dark and cold like a winter night.

"You don't have to stay," Sky said softly when turned and walked away, to talk to Miguel, Hawk, and the rest of the Eagle Fangs, leading them toward the Koi pond. Sky fell a bit behind, leaning closer to Cody and keeping her voice low so that they wouldn't be overheard. "If you'd rather just go home, I understand. I'm going to be okay."

"No, it's fine. I promised I'd be there for you." He sighed, squeezing her hand in his, and his eyes were deep and dark, his hand was warm on hers, his palm so hot it almost burned her skin.

"Okay. If you're sure," she said, and then, with a slow smile, added: "I just realized— you've never seen me do karate before."

"True," he let out a hesitant laugh. "I guess there's a first time for everything."

Thanks to everyone who is still reading this fic. I'm sorry about the slow updates - life has been so busy lately.