Ahhhh guys this is a big one. Not a big chapter, it actually came out kind of short but it's an important one I know we've all been waiting for. I've had this planned since the very beginning and it's been written for about 2 and a half years so it's weird for people to finally read it!

I hope you enjoy, I hope it lives up to expectations, I hope no-one's disappointed! Love you all! x

Bold italics = Edward's letter

May 1st, 1919. Bella.

Bella,

I am terrified. I have never been so afraid in my stupidly long life. I've almost lost you before, but never like this. It's like when you were bitten all over again, I'm useless, I can't do anything. All I can do is write this stupid letter and hope that it somehow helps you while you're alone in the past. I hate thinking of you being alone, I hope you find Carlisle quickly.

The fields leading up to the Masen farm were soaked in dew and Bella was soaked running through them. It was unseasonably hot for the time of year, every farmhouse she had passed had their windows flung open, their soft sleeping breaths drifting down the lanes towards her.

This world was one they had chosen for Edward. They had conspired to give his family a home in the country, somewhere away from the Spanish Flu, away from all the danger of Chicago. It had worked for the most part, they had received word that Edward Masen Sr died of another illness a few years before. That had shaken Bella, the fact that her meddling had caused Edward to lose his father earlier than he otherwise would have. But he still had his mother, and they were safe.

And she was finally going to go find him.

I need you to listen to Jasper, Bella. I need you to find Carlisle and rethink your plan to break Jasper out of the war camp. He is telling you not to, he's so worried and scared of you getting hurt, almost as scared as me. Listen to him. He knows what dangers there are there. He thinks he will be the most likely one to kill you. Don't put that on him, Bella. Don't go to the warcamp.

Despite the last 30 years of her life and the incredible man she had spent them with, a part of her (a very conflicted part of her) wanted this. This was the neatest way, the best way. She loved Edward, something the passage of time couldn't change. He was distantly in the background of her every thought, every decision. Her journey was always supposed to lead her back to him. She loved her husband and she couldn't wait to see him again.

Whatever her feelings for Jasper, he wasn't hers and trying to force history to make him hers could have disastrous consequences. If she wanted them to have any future together, she had to do this. She pictured them all in two years time, Edward and Alice freshly turned. Jasper and Alice would fall in love the second they saw each other as they did before, and Jasper would finally understand why she had fought so hard to keep him distant. She would have Edward, Jasper would have Alice, and they would all be able to spend the rest of their lives together. Her family, back together again.

The image helped. It didn't stop it hurting, but maybe nothing could.

Who am I kidding? Of course you'll go. I can't love you for your stubbornness and then expect you to just put it aside. Fine, but if you must go you must be careful. Follow Jasper's instructions, he knows better than you in this case. Be careful, please please be careful. You have to survive, do you understand? You are my heart and soul. My world begins and ends with you. Live, my love. Just stay alive for me. I'm begging you.

She fiddled with the bracelet on her left wrist, Alice's. She let the fine silver chain run through her fingers and touched the teardrop rose stones one by one. Alice, she was one step closer to Alice. She wished she was there now, however complicated that might make everything. She wished she was facing this with her sister at her side. Alice would know what to do and how to handle it, she always did. Bella was awkward, something time, age and vampirism never truly managed to smooth away. Alice was always the talker. Alice would charm the pants off Mrs Masen and explain everything to Edward no problem.

How the hell was Bella going to explain everything to Edward?

She shook her head, that was something she would deal with later, once she'd spoken to him and gotten to know him again. She had learned from her experience with Esme, this Edward was going to be different from the one she knew. If she went in with too clear expectations and too specific a plan, she would only be frustrated and disappointed.

No, she was going to meet him, shake his hand, and let herself fall in love with him the way she did the first time.

It's such a long time to wait, but in 30 years we will be together again. You will be in my arms again, I'll be able to protect you again.

The sun had risen past dawn and people began to stir in their beds. Bella was only a few hours walk away from Edward's house. She stuck to the lane and ambled at human pace, grateful that despite the heat clouds still covered the sun.

She had a lunch meeting with Edward's mother, Mrs Elizabeth Masen. Technically, Carlisle was still the family's lawyer, although according to their correspondence he was his own son. She was coming here on his behalf, as a surveyor. It gave her an excuse to stay in the town for as long as she needed, and a reason to come to the farm and see Edward as much as she wanted.

The perfect plan.

She skirted around the edges of the town, her plan was to check in at the inn after meeting Edward. She came up to the farmhouse at twenty past eleven, just ten minutes before her arranged meeting with Mrs Masen. It was a proud, brick building; tall, large and comfortable. It sat on 150 acres of farmland, including cows, chickens, crops, the lot. The front door was painted a light blue and Bella could hear two people inside the house. Two women, based on their voices.

So Edward wasn't home.

Her watch ticked over to eleven thirty. She took her wedding ring, which hung on a chain around her neck, and tucked it into her dress. Wouldn't do for Mrs Masen to see it and wonder where she got it. She drew up her courage and knocked on the front door, and pasted a smile on her face when the housekeeper opened it.

"Can I help you miss?"

"Yes, I'm Isabella Cullen? I have an appointment with Mrs Masen?"

"Ah of course!"

The lady let her in and instructed her to leave her bags by the door. She was lead into a comfortable looking parlour just off the front hall, where a smiling, kind faced woman sat.

"Isabella! It's so lovely to meet you at last! Please, sit down!"

Bella took a quick glance around the room. The walls and furnishings were a soft blue, the colour she had always somewhat associated with him. The mantle above the fireplace was full of photographs, showing Edward and other family members crowded together through the years. On the side of the room was a well loved piano, the base scuffed like it had been accidentally kicked too many times, the keys faded and lightly scratched, and sheet music piled on the top.

It smelled like Edward too, in a way Bella couldn't describe. It smelled clean, and like flowers, with a certain sense of something that she could only describe as smelling like home. She could almost feel her husband's arms around her again, feel the security of his love for her in her soul.

"Coffee?"

Bella shot back to the present, where she hadn't sat down yet and Mrs Masen was smiling up at her from the sofa. "Yes, please. No milk or sugar."

"Ah, that's how Edward has his!" Mrs Masen grinned as she poured the coffee into the cup, Bella sat down in an armchair to receive it. "I never understand it, how can anyone prefer to drink something bitter?"

Bella laughed along with her, accepting the cup and taking a fake sip. "I'm not sure, it's the only way I can drink it."

So followed a pleasant conversation consisting of small talk and then transitioning into a discussion of the farm. Bella was no lawyer, but was able to memorise enough terms to sound like one and seemed to have Mrs Masen fooled. She stayed alert to anyone moving outside the house, the dog outside had her convinced someone was coming at one point. At another point she thought the housekeeper was talking to someone, but actually she had just started humming. She was on the edge of her seat, practically vibrating with tension. She just wanted to see him.

Finally, her ears pricked at footsteps dashing up the front gravel path. Worn heels clipclopped up the wooden steps and a boy ducked in through the front door.

He was tanned, that's what struck her first. His nose was tinged red from countless sunburns, freckles scattered over his cheekbones, all the way down his neck and into his soft green shirt. The shirt was dark but didn't quite hide the grass stains all up the back. His hair was pure copper, just as vivid as it had been when he was a child, but it was wild and windswept, as bright as his eyes as he came in from the summer air.

Even as a human, Edward loved to run fast.

"Edward!" his mother hissed. "Where have you been? I told you we have a guest!"

Edward laughed. "I'm sorry Mother, the chickens got out and we lost track of the time."

Mrs Masen peered around him at the door. "Where's Dorothy?"

"She's just catching up," he said and finally turned his grin towards Bella. "Hello," he held his hand out, "My name's Edward. Edward Masen."

Bella stood, hesitated, then slowly reached out a quivering hand to shake his. "Isabella Cullen."

She wasn't sure what she was expecting. Fireworks? An electric current zipping from his palm to hers? His eyes widening in realisation that he had met the woman he was supposed to be with? None of that happened. She shook his hand, he smiled and let go after a respectful amount of time and he looked away. His heart didn't skip a beat, the world did not stop turning, he was an ordinary man who just had an ordinary handshake.

Bella's dead heart began to ache.

"I can't believe you ran on ahead of her," Mrs Masen tutted.

"She said she would rather have a cup of coffee as soon as possible than have me escort her to the door, would you rather I disregard her wishes?" Edward grinned and swanned into the kitchen. Bella's eyes followed him through the door until he disappeared.

"My daughter in law should be here soon," Mrs Masen sighed. "She's moving a little slower than she used to, if you understand my meaning."

Bella's head whipped round. "Daughter in law?"

Mrs Masen nodded and sipped her coffee. "Yes, Edward and Dorothy got married… about two months ago now. I was planning on giving them my ring, since my husband passed I haven't exactly had much use for it. But I lost the thing and it's a crying shame. The ring she has now is lovely but still, it's just not the same."

Bella fell back into her seat, her ears were ringing. She heard Mrs Masen ramble as if through water. She zoned in on the sound of Edward's footsteps, the clinking of cups and boiling of water as he made his wife a cup of coffee. She tried to remember times when he had made her coffee. He must have done at some point, but trying to find her human memories was like wading through mud and all she could find were the clear ones from when she was a young vampire. Their reunion when he came back after she turned, running through the forest, playing games with their siblings, their wedding. Their life together that she had assumed she could simply get back.

She has been so concerned about herself falling in love with someone else that it never occurred to her that he might do it too.

Footsteps dashed up the front steps again and a very out of breath girl tumbled in. She had dark blonde hair tied up in a messy bun with the occasional piece of hay stuck in it; her light blue dress had grass stains up and down it, not as easily hidden as they were on Edward's shirt. She was far more than two months pregnant. Bella could hear the baby's heartbeat, could hear it moving around and sucking on its fist. Her dress disguised the bump but she could estimate that the girl was about 7 months gone.

Edward 'wait until marriage even though it's 2007' Cullen got a girl pregnant before marrying her.

Masen. Edward Masen. Bella reminded herself as her world spun dangerously out of control.

Mrs Masen sighed furiously. "Dorothy dear, what have I told you about running around? It's dangerous in your condition!"

Dorothy laughed. "Don't worry so much, Elizabeth! I only ran on the grass where it's a soft landing!"

"And where there's mole hills to trip you!" Mrs Masen called out as Dorothy made her way out to the kitchen.

Mrs Masen turned back to Bella and tutted again, shaking her head. "They say they're adults, but I could swear they're still children. Although saying that to you! You're about their age, are you not?"

Bella was in a daze and had to take a moment to answer.

"I think I might be a fair bit older," she murmured.

"Really?" Mrs Masen smiled. "You must tell me how you look so young then! Perhaps over lunch, I'll check with the housekeeper to see when it will be finished!"

"Actually!" Bella got up so quickly her armchair skidded backwards. "My apologies, Mrs Masen but I think I must be going. I just remembered I have a prior commitment."

"Oh!" Mrs Masen put her cup down and stood up too. "Well alright, it was lovely to meet you dear. Oh, I'll call Edward and Dorothy to say goodbye!"

"Oh no, there's no need!" Bella quickly made her way to the door and grabbed her bag and hat. "It was lovely meeting you too, Mrs Masen. Thank you for your hospitality!"

"No problem dear, have a good day! I'll see you soon!"

Bella had already left, closed the door securely behind her. She could hear Edward and his wife laughing in the kitchen.

A glimmer of something she couldn't place welled up inside her and she just had to look at him again. She walked around the house to the back, where she could breathe in the air coming through the open kitchen window. Their housekeeper was making lunch, a pie of some sort, the smell almost blocked out Edward's. Bella inhaled, she had expected him to be her singer at the very least. She had expected him to be something, for there to be some evidence of the cosmic forces that pulled them together. Some part of her had expected him to be pale, strong, and golden eyed. She didn't know what to do with the man who looked, smelled and felt like an ordinary human.

She inched to the side so she could see in. He was washing up a cup, humming to himself. He still looked like her Edward on the outside, if she could look past the darker skin and the lighter hair and the vivid green eyes. Arms wrapped around him from behind as she contemplated. His wife giggled and suddenly pinched his sides, he jumped and nearly dropped the mug. He laughed, full bodied straight from the belly laughed. Louder and more unrestrained than Bella had ever heard him before.

I know the others are making requests, but I don't have any - except one. All I want is to be with you. All I have ever wanted and all I ever will want is you.

Bella had to leave.

She ducked away and scurried down the yard to the road. The midday sun was high in the cloudy sky so she had to keep to human pace straight down until she found a side path that would take her in the opposite direction of the Masen farm.

She walked for hours with no specific direction, just away. She thought of nothing, forced her mind to be blank until the sun finally started to dip below the horizon and Edward invaded her thoughts again. She felt the coffee his mother had kindly poured for her sit alien in her stomach and wretched it up in a nearby bush. It tasted like acid and venom.

We are meant to be together, Bella. It's only 30 years, and then we can be together again.

She knelt, head still in the damn bush along with her sense of pride. She had lost the will to move. One thought she had been suppressing rose to the surface; one thought that was painfully obvious but crashed down decades and lifetimes of debate and worry. She could not turn this boy.

He was just a boy. A married one, soon to be a father, but a boy nonetheless. How would it even work? Would she seduce him away from his wife and tell him to forget his child? Would she just kidnap him and hope he forgot what he was losing?

She had always thought that Edward would have been a good father. He was a good man, after all.

This Edward was good too. His eyes were alight with happiness and youth and life. To turn him would be to take that away, to take the soul that burned within him. She scoffed at the irony. Wasn't this something he had trouble with? Once upon a time when her heart beat and human blood burned in her cheeks? When all she knew of death came from pets and grandparents and it was never even a consideration that she might dish it out herself. The Bella who met Edward was a different girl. The Bella who left Edward was a different girl too.

Yes, she was different. But she still needed her husband. She needed her husband and her mother and her brother and sisters. She needed the family she had been yearning for that seemed to be rapidly slipping through her fingers. She needed Alice to tell her what to do, Emmett to make her laugh, she needed Rose to slap her on the back of the head and call her an idiot. She needed her mother's unconditional love, her Esme's love.

She needed Edward to love her. She needed to see him every day and hear his voice and his jokes and his piano. She needed him to hold her and make her feel like the most special girl in the world. She needed her husband, but he didn't need her.

This Edward was already happy.

He was never going to grow up into his future self and be mad at her for not following his last wishes. Her Edward was dead. Just like her Esme was dead. They were gone. Worse, they had never existed. Bella going back had killed them. Bella had killed them.

Her Alice, Rose and Emmett were most likely all dead too. She swallowed that thought to scream over another day.

Were Jasper and Carlisle dead? Were they just so similar to their future selves that she didn't notice the differences?

Be strong, you are the strongest person I know. If anyone can get through this, you can.

She sucked down the grief blooming inside her and stumbled to her feet. She turned and ran back the way she came, towards Edward's house. It was the middle of the night at this point, although she couldn't pinpoint the exact time. She woodenly dug her watch out of her pocket. It was 2am, there was no way she would see Edward. Maybe she could look in his room, like he used to do with her.

She reached the house and heard the deep breathing of sleeping humans through the walls. She pinpointed two humans in the same room at the top of the house and hesitated. No, she wouldn't look in his room - because he wasn't the only one in there.

She clamped down on the dark feelings and made her way to the kitchen window, ajar in the sickly humidity. She silently pushed it open and reached for the necklace disappearing into her shirt. She snapped it, having no patience for the fiddly clasp and pulled its pendant out. Her engagement ring. Edward's mother's ring.

She would give her blessing in the only way she could.

She carefully placed the ring on the windowsill, peeking out from behind a plantpot so it might be possible that it had been there all this time. Whoever next did the dishes would notice it, they would celebrate for finding it and Edward's wife would have the ring she was always supposed to have.

She slid the window shut and turned away without another thought. She didn't think, as she ran miles away from the house and threw herself towards a large cluster of trees. She found a spot within them where hopefully no one would find her and lowered herself to the ground there.

I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. I'm so proud of you.

At least he would be happy, she told herself. Edward would have a happy life. She wrapped her arms around herself, closed her eyes, and let herself feel again.

A distantly familiar void inside of her ripped open once more.

Forever and always.

Edward.

Notes: This chapter has been a lesson in not changing your twist even if people guess it because a lot of people have guessed it recently! I hope no-one's disappointed that there won't be a big stand off between Jasper and Edward, it just wouldn't fit the tone I guess.

Also, you know how I said 'no weird hole in the heart situation' in the tags? I guess I lied?

(oh and btw; over in Golden, Bella just said something very stupid about where she comes from)