Rachel was taking notes on countercurses in Defense class on a Tuesday afternoon in mid-March when it started. First she noticed a bit of an odd feeling in her body, like she wasn't exactly present. She usually associated that with dissociation, but as far as she could tell there was nothing threatening happening at the moment and she'd been doing mostly okay these past few weeks. She'd been busy, but that was usual for her, and the war still raged in Britain. She'd yet to close her connection to the Dark Lord, but she was trying. Thus far she had not made much - if any - progress with her manifestation.
Her next thought was something was wrong in her mental architecture. She discreetly checked her nose, but there was no sign of a nosebleed. She checked her scar as well, but there was no blood there either.
It was when she heard distant screams that she understood what was happening - she was about to have a vision. She quickly slipped her notes, textbook, and quill into her bag, shouldered her bag and raised her hand as she stood.
"Rachel?" Gemma asked.
"I need to go to the hospital wing, it's urgent," Rachel said, already moving. The screaming was getting louder.
Gemma's eyes widened for a moment. "Of course."
"I'll walk her," Theo said.
Rachel stumbled slightly. "I think I better go through the floo. I don't have much time."
Gemma hurried to the fireplace and took a pouch of floo powder from her robe pocket. "Hogwarts Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey, I'm sending Rachel to you."
Rachel felt a dim regret that she was doing this in front of her classmates, but it was even more important that she didn't have a vision in front of them.
"Send her through," Madam Pomfrey called.
Rachel stepped into the fireplace in the Defense classroom and then a few moments later she stepped out into the hospital wing and found Madam Pomfrey waiting with her wand out. The screaming was almost completely present now.
"I'm about to have a vision. I'll probably scream a lot, but I'm not in pain. Don't bother summoning Severus, he's teaching. My forehead will probably bleed, but that's okay," she said as she made her way to one of the beds, focusing on keeping on her feet. She was starting to feel dizzy.
"I've seen you have a vision before," Madam Pomfrey reminded her. "Is there anything I can do to make this less painful for you?"
"Just a Pain Relieving Potion when I wake up and my scar will probably need Healing Salve and a bandage so I don't get blood everywhere," Rachel set her bag down and settled onto one of the beds. She hesitated for a moment, but decided to say it. "If I'm screaming for longer than twenty minutes, that's probably a bad sign. Get Severus or Professor Dumbledore if that happens." She wasn't sure what they could do to help, but if anyone could, it would be them.
"I will, I'll be right here," Madam Pomfrey said.
Rachel began to see images superimposed over the hospital wing and that was making the dizziness worse so she closed her eyes and felt herself falling fully into the vision.
It only took a moment for her to realize where she was. Gringotts loomed in the background and it looked like half the alley was on fire. People were screaming in the streets and the Death Eaters were advancing, killing everyone in sight.
There was a resistance. People were fighting back. Flashes of lurid green light flew through the street. Occasionally a Death Eater would fall, but far more often it was a fleeing civilian. Rachel wondered if it was the Order fighting back or the MLE. She wondered if she would recognize any of them dying.
Something caught out of the corner of her eye - or the corner of the Dark Lord's eye she supposed - and she realized that his snake was coiled around his shoulders and hanging down on either side. The snake seemed much bigger now that it was close up, though she supposed she had seen that before as well.
The killing continued and Rachel wondered what the point of this all was. It seemed so senseless. She knew that taking Diagon Alley was a prelude to taking the Ministry and other important places and she knew that it was symbolic, but there was a part of her that was angry that people were here at all. Didn't people know it wasn't safe?
The Dark Lord and the Death Eaters advanced down the alley, leaving their own dead and dead civilians behind. The resistance retreated, still firing back. The Dark Lord laughed. "Run," he called. "Run and hide, for that is all you can do. Those who do not join me will fall before us."
The resistance finally got far enough away that they could apparate out and the Death Eaters cheered and jeered.
The Dark Lord turned away from his Death Eaters and let his snake down. "Feast Nagini. Eat your fill. Rachel, you know what you need to do if you want this to end. Expect me soon."
Rachel could hear herself screaming as she sat up. She was abruptly back in the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey had her wand pointed at her. She managed to stop screaming and closed her eyes again.
"Rachel?" Madam Pomfrey asked, sounding uncertain.
"It's me," she said, wondering if Madam Pomfrey was worried about possession. "I'm back. Can I have a Pain Relieving Potion and some water?" Her eyes felt like they were being squished and her throat was raw.
"Yes, of course. I'm going to place the vial in your hand. Let me know when you're ready for the water. I've already bandaged your forehead, you were bleeding quite profusely."
Rachel clamped her hand around the vial and managed to drink the contents. It tasted horrible and she felt her stomach turn even as her head started to hurt less. "Water, please." She opened her eyes to accept the water glass and sipped at it.
"Are you alright? Are you in pain anywhere?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"Just my head, but it's better than it was already."
"Should I summon Albus?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's over and either the Order or the MLE were already there fighting back anyway. I couldn't tell which. I didn't recognize any of them, but I know I don't know all of the Order."
"If Severus and Albus have been doing their job properly you shouldn't know almost any of the Order," Madam Pomfrey said. "May I ask what you saw?"
"Attack on Diagon Alley. There was fire, but I'm not sure if it was Fiendfyre. I saw maybe thirty people dead. Some of them were already dead by the time I was fully immersed in the vision. I don't know why they were out in Diagon Alley anyway. Don't they know?" Rachel asked.
"They know, but they also have to keep living. People need food and supplies. They still need to work and make money to take care of their families. These things don't change simply because there is a war. They were doing what they were told, which was to conduct their business in the daytime, to make trips as quickly as possible, and to avoid strangers. This is not their fault," Madam Pomfrey said steadily. "Things are dire indeed if there are Death Eater attacks midday. I do wish you weren't seeing this. It cannot be good for you."
Madam Pomfrey was right. It wasn't their fault that they'd been killed. Somehow that made it worse. She wanted to ask Madam Pomfrey what they should do, but she already knew the answer to that. The answer she didn't have was why hadn't the Dark Lord talked to her since Valentine's day. She'd been privately relieved to not have to speak with him, but things had been in place for ten days for her to be able to lure him to their final battle.
"Do you want me to call for Severus?" she offered.
Rachel shook her head. "No need. I can go back to class now."
"I have instructions from Severus to keep you here after a vision until he can see to you. I think it would be good for you to lie down for a little bit and recover as well."
She wondered if Madam Pomfrey really could keep her here if she protested. She thought not, but it also wasn't worth the drama and fallout of doing that. And the idea of going back to class wasn't particularly appealing anyway. "How long was I in the vision?"
"Twelve minutes. You were screaming the entire time. Your scar started to bleed about two minutes in and it took me several minutes to get you still enough so that I could bandage it. Are you experiencing pain during these visions?"
"No. I don't feel anything while I'm in the visions. I don't know why I scream during them." She still wished that she didn't. It was embarrassing.
"I'm glad you are not in pain at least. Is there anything that you would like?" Madam Pomfrey pressed.
"No, thank you. I'm just going to lay down, I guess."
"I think that's a good idea. Just let me know if you need something. I'll come check on your forehead in a little bit and we'll see if it's stopped bleeding."
Rachel laid back down and tried to sort herself out. The Dark Lord had known she was watching. Maybe he had even done it specifically to show her that. He couldn't reach anyone she was close to, so now he had to go for random people, but in places that she'd been. Part of her wondered why he hadn't taken the Ministry by now. It was clear that he could if he wanted to. Or maybe he couldn't and he just wanted people to believe that he could. Fighting in the Ministry was far more costly than fighting six resistance fighters in Diagon Alley, and even then she'd seen three Death Eaters fall.
At least one thing seemed certain. The Dark Lord was willing to take his snake into battle. That was good because it meant it was likely he'd bring the snake when she lured him.
The Dark Lord said that she knew what she needed to do if she wanted this to end and to expect him soon. Did that mean he was coming to Hogwarts? She hoped not. She needed to tell Severus or Professor Dumbledore about that. As for what the Dark Lord wanted her to do, she thought that meant either joining him or showing up to let him kill her.
If she was stronger - if she was a different person entirely - she would maybe pretend to join him and then kill him in secret when he wasn't expecting it. She wasn't that person though. She couldn't kill or torture to maintain a subterfuge. She'd felt guilty enough just manipulating Professor Slughorn for that memory about the horcruxes. That felt like ages ago now.
The time had come to lure the Dark Lord and she would do so at the first opportunity that presented itself. That meant her life was now maybe numbered in weeks, or even days. There were things that she hadn't finished. Things that she meant to do but hadn't found the time for yet. She needed to reprioritize.
Time with Severus and her friends was paramount. If things held out until the twenty eighth she should be able to see Sirius and Remus again. She'd need to find a way to say goodbye to them without them realizing that was what she was doing. She needed to write letters to everyone so that they would understand what had happened.
She had some regrets, but that was alright. She suspected everyone had regrets when it came time for them to die.
"Hey, how are you feeling?"
Rachel sat up, a little surprised to see Gemma in the hospital wing. "Fine, thank you. I'm just stuck here until Severus comes for me. I would have come back to class if Madam Pomfrey had let me."
"That's alright. Can I sit? Can we talk?" Gemma asked.
"Sure," Rachel said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed so she could face Gemma.
Gemma conjured a chair and then sat across from Rachel. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, fine. Madam Pomfrey took care of me."
The corners of Gemma's mouth crinkled as she looked worried. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about this with me. At the end of August they told all the teachers in a staff meeting that if you told them that you needed to go to the hospital wing that we needed to floo you there immediately. I didn't ask why at the time, I wanted to respect your privacy, but I just worry about you. Are you…are you badly ill?"
Rachel considered her options for a moment and found that she wanted to talk to Gemma. She still remembered talking to Gemma as a second and third year, feeling that Gemma was so old and wise, but now she was older than Gemma had been at the time. But still, she trusted Gemma. And she wanted to talk. Rachel pulled out a wand and cast a small privacy ward around them. "It's a lot and you can't really tell anyone else. Are you sure you want to know?"
Gemma nodded. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. And I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me."
"I know, but it's okay. I trust you." Rachel sat for a moment and tried to figure out where to begin. "Once upon a time there was a prophecy about a young girl and a Dark Lord. The Dark Lord heard the prophecy that the girl had the potential to defeat him, so he hunted down her and her family and killed them. Only the girl survived and was left with a connection to the Dark Lord. That connection lay dormant until the Dark Lord returned fourteen years later. Then the girl began to have visions and dreams of what the Dark Lord was doing. The prophecy remained and the girl and the Dark Lord were destined to face each other until one had killed the other."
There was a long silence that stretched out between them. "I almost don't know where to start," Gemma finally said. "When you came to the hospital wing just now, you had a vision of what You-Know-Who is doing?"
"Attack on Diagon Alley. Maybe around thirty people dead. They drove off the people who were resisting them. Probably the MLE." Gemma didn't know about the Order and that wasn't information that Rachel could give out freely.
"I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"
Rachel shrugged. "I'm not really sure what to say. I've seen a lot of people die, most of them I don't even know who they were. I saw Professor Karkaroff die shortly after the Dark Lord returned. He was a former Death Eater who'd run away from the Dark Lord rather than rejoining him. I watched Professor Podmore be tortured and killed, and Professor Burbage. The Dark Lord made me watch as he tortured and killed my aunt and uncle. I saw Percy Weasley killed in the attack on the Ministry last June, I'm not sure if you remember him?"
"I remember Percy. We were Head Boy and Head Girl together," Gemma said. She blinked a few times. "Rachel."
Rachel shrugged again. "It's worse when there's someone else there. Sometimes the Dark Lord goes to families and he'll torture and kill them in front of each other. I've watched so many people die and the war is just waiting on me. And I know what the prophecy says, but anyone who thinks I can kill the Dark Lord is delusional. They all expect me to do it, and I can't. The best I can do is let the Dark Lord kill me, because then someone else can kill the Dark Lord. I'm hoping that will be Professor Dumbledore. I think he stands the best chance of doing it. But no one can kill the Dark Lord until he's killed me and the longer I'm alive the more people die."
Gemma was quiet again, her expression pained as she watched Rachel. "It sounds like you want You-Know-Who to kill you. Is that true?" she asked, her voice carefully gentle.
"Not want. I just accept that it has to happen. The worst thing I can do is let this war keep going. We're going to lose the Ministry if it goes on any longer and then lose Britain in short order. I can't let that happen. I can't let more people die because of me."
"It's not because of you. People aren't dying because of you, they're dying because of what the Death Eaters and You-Know-Who chose to do. I don't know about all this prophecy stuff, I never took Divination, but I do know there's lots of possible interpretations of prophecies and it's not always the obvious ones."
"Professor Dumbledore and Severus seem pretty convinced and if anyone would know it would be Professor Dumbledore. It's okay, Gemma. I already went through all of the denial and fear and all of that. I'm okay with this. I just need it to happen soon," Rachel explained.
Gemma still looked worried. "Are you planning to go to him? So he can kill you?"
"No, I don't have a way to do that." It wasn't exactly a lie, but she also couldn't tell Gemma their plans about the final battle.
"Can you tell me, or maybe Severus, before you plan to do something like that?"
"It's okay, Gemma. It really is. I know this is dumping a lot on you. But things will be okay. The war will end and the killing will stop. I know this."
She didn't look particularly convinced but Severus approached.
Rachel dismissed the privacy ward and turned to him. "I'm fine. This was a relatively quick one. My head doesn't even hurt anymore, but I'd like this bandage off before we walk through the halls."
"I'll take care of it," he said, drawing his wand. "Thank you for sitting with her," he told Gemma.
Gemma stood and vanished her chair. "I'm afraid I wasn't here very long. Rachel, you can talk to me if you want to, okay? I'd really like it if you did. Anytime, okay?"
"Okay, thank you," Rachel told Gemma, but she wasn't sure what there was left to say.
Gemma left and Severus drew closer.
Rachel felt the pressure from the bandage around her forehead disappear and Severus leaned closer to examine her forehead.
"It seems to have stopped bleeding. Is there anything I should know before we go to our quarters?" he asked.
Rachel drew her wand and cast another privacy ward. "Attack on Diagon Alley, maybe thirty dead. There were people resisting the Death Eaters, but I couldn't tell if they were Order or MLE. They were forced to retreat and apparated away. The Dark Lord knew I was watching. He said 'you know what you need to do if you want this to end. Expect me soon'."
Severus' frown deepened. "Let's go write that out in the two-way books so Albus knows as soon as possible. He's not currently in the school, he was dealing with the Wizengamot today. I'll make certain he hears about that as soon as possible."
"Do you think it means he's coming here? To Hogwarts?" she asked, because that was definitely one of the worst case scenarios she'd been worried about.
"I don't know. I wish I did. Shall we go to our quarters?" he asked.
"I'm actually okay and I have some homework to do," she said, not wanting to go sit in Severus' quarters and obsess about this until dinner.
Severus looked at her for a long moment. "Alright. Come join me for dinner and we'll see if we can talk to Albus after that."
"Okay," she agreed. That was a good compromise. She needed to get back to the things she needed to do.
"There you are."
Rachel turned and looked at the Dark Lord and mentally rehearsed what she was going to say. It was time to end this war. She hadn't finished everything she needed to, but when she woke up, she could spend a few hours writing letters to people.
"You heard me at Diagon Alley?" the Dark Lord asked as he came to a stop a few feet away.
"Yes, I heard you. I was there," Rachel said, reminding herself that she couldn't be too obvious. "You said that I knew what I needed to do if I wanted the killing to end. And I do. I want the killing to end. I'll meet with you."
"You'll meet with me," he repeated.
Rachel nodded. "In person. That is what you want, isn't it? That's what you meant?"
"You intend to join me?" he asked.
She knew that was a trick question. The Dark Lord would never believe that she would join him. "I intend to let you kill me." The weird thing was, that was entirely true. "I'm done, I want out," she added when the Dark Lord didn't respond.
"You wish to die?"
"Yes. If that is what it takes to end this war, I'm willing to die. I know a place where we can go, I can sneak out of the school and apparate there. Just let me know when you're ready."
He watched her for a long time. "You think I can be fooled this easily?"
"I will be there. I know you can check if I'm there before you arrive," she said. Professor Dumbledore had told her about the spell that he'd invented that should shelter the Order and the MLE from the Dark Lord until they revealed themselves. If Professor Dumbledore said it would work, she believed him.
"I know exactly where you are but I do not believe you have any intention of dying. You are lying to me and I have told you that I will not tolerate it." The Dark Lord began moving toward Rachel's manifestation.
"Wait! I'm not lying!" Rachel followed him, both worried about what he was about to do and worried that she was rapidly losing control over the situation. "I'm not lying. Do you have any idea what it is like to be me? Don't you ever just want things to stop?"
"I have overcome my weaknesses but you are still ruled by yours," the Dark Lord said as he drew his wand. "You do not wish to die, if you did, you would be dead already." He pointed his wand at her manifestation and murmured something.
The next thing Rachel knew she was on the ground, shrieking as she felt her memories of being under the Cruciatus Curse rush through her body.
"I will not be deceived!"
Rachel woke screaming. Her body was trembling and while she could tell that she hadn't actually been under the Cruciatus Curse everything hurt. If she closed her eyes she could see Death Eaters pointing their wands at her, their eyes boring into her as she screamed and writhed.
"Rachel?" Millie pulled back the bed curtains, her lit wand illuminating them both. "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she said, managing to sit up even though she was still shaking. She was freezing and the memory of pain was echoing in her body.
"Was it another vision?" Pansy asked, coming around the same side of the bed to look in.
"Not exactly. I spoke with the Dark Lord and he wasn't happy with me, that's all," Rachel said. She'd told Pansy and Daphne about her visions and conversations with the Dark Lord - but not about the prophecy - before winter break. Both of them had been worried, though Daphne had said that she was glad Rachel wasn't sick.
"Merlin. I thought he couldn't hurt you in these dreams," Daphne said.
"He can make me relive memories of being hurt. It's like they're really happening, but they fade away pretty quickly," she explained. She still ached a little, probably from muscle spasms while her body was reenacting being under the Cruciatus, but it was nothing like the actual aftermath of the Cruciatus.
"You'd think after all this time Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape would have come up with something to stop this. I always thought Professor Dumbledore could do anything," Daphne said.
"We're trying. It's just very complicated." Over the past month Rachel had made almost no progress with her manifestation and it was incredibly frustrating. She'd tried talking with her, reasoning with her, telling her she doesn't actually hate her, apologizing for trying to shut her in the cupboard, giving her things that she thought she might have wanted as a child, and even just sitting with her and trying to look non-threatening. Severus simply said that it would take time and healing doesn't happen overnight.
"Do you want one of us to summon Professor Snape?" Millie asked.
"No, I'm fine now. Sorry that I woke all of you. Do you want me to move in with Professor Snape so I don't keep waking you like this?" she checked, even though she didn't want to leave her dorm.
"No, we want you here," Pansy said.
"Don't go. Besides, it doesn't happen that often and it's not something you can control. Stay. Please," Daphne said.
"If you're sure," Rachel said.
"We are," Millie said. "Do you need anything? Do you want one of us to sit with you for a while?"
"No, thank you. I'm just going to write this out to show Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore so they know what happened and then I'm going back to bed."
"Alright. Why does this always happen around two in the morning? It seems like it's always later than midnight, but never later than three," Pansy said as she moved away.
"That mostly seems to be the Dark Lord's preferred time of day to do things. I'm not even sure if he sleeps." Rachel had never felt something from the Dark Lord that she could identify as sleeping.
"Everyone has to sleep, don't they?" Millie asked.
"He didn't really come back quite human. I don't think he needs to do all the things that humans do," Rachel said. She'd gotten used to the way the Dark Lord looked and it was no longer strange to her, but he definitely wasn't fully human anymore.
"That's disturbing in so many ways," Daphne said. "I don't even want to think about it."
"Me neither. Goodnight," Pansy said.
"Goodnight," the others echoed.
Rachel picked up her wand and cast a warming charm over her blankets and then lit her wand and gathered her glasses, her two-way book, and her quill. She hesitated for a moment before she began writing.
'Luring the Dark Lord didn't work. I confirmed that I saw what happened in Diagon Alley and that I was ready to end the war. He confirmed that he could sense where I was, so that definitely works both ways. I told him I would meet with him. He asked if I was joining him. I thought that was a trap and he knew that I'd never join him, so I told him I was going there so he could kill me and end the war. He thought I was lying. He used that memory spell on my manifestation and it hurt. The conversation ended and he was angry and said that he would not be deceived. I'm not sure where I messed up. The Dark Lord and I have talked before about him killing me. I'm not sure why he felt differently about it this time. Where do we go from here?'
She looked over what she'd written and decided that it covered the important pieces. Hopefully Severus and Professor Dumbledore would have some ideas what to do next. They'd both been so convinced that the Dark Lord would come even if he thought it was a trap, but apparently they'd been wrong.
It seemed to her that the Dark Lord wanted to end - and win - the war. She wasn't sure why he wasn't ready to take the next step after calling out to her like that in Diagon Alley.
Rachel set aside her things and took off her glasses before laying down again. She wasn't sure she'd get back to sleep because she was wide awake thinking about this and she was a little afraid that she'd have dreams about being tortured after what she'd just experienced. One night of not sleeping wouldn't bother her too much. And maybe she could figure something out while she was awake.
"Enter," Severus called at the knock at his office door on Wednesday afternoon, anticipating some difficulty within his House. Usually students did not come to him when they had a problem with Potions homework. They typically sought the advice of students who were doing well in the class.
Gemma opened the door and peered in. "Am I interrupting anything, Severus?"
"Not in the slightest. In fact, you are saving me from grading a set of rather substandard essays on the properties of flobberworm mucus," Severus said. He had somewhat taken to mentoring Gemma when she had questions about how things were typically done within the school or if she was having difficulty with a student. "Please come in." He stood and made his way around his desk and to the table so that they were on a more familiar basis.
Gemma pulled the door shut behind her and sat down next to Severus. She hesitated for a long moment and then sighed and shook her head. "I feel like I'm a prefect again, coming to you about a problem I can't solve."
Severus immediately felt more concerned than he had just a minute ago. "It's not uncommon for other professors to come to the Heads of Houses when there is a problem with one of their students. We don't see everything, so sometimes if there is an ongoing issue outside of our classroom or common room, we don't know about it."
"It's a little more complicated than that," she said, still looking worried. "It's about Rachel. I think she's suicidal."
He felt his eyes grow wide. "Suicidal," he repeated, not quite making it a question. He racked his brain for his past few meetings with Rachel. She had seemed in relatively good spirits to him. She had seemed calm yesterday when she'd told him about the attack on Diagon Alley. Everything he'd seen these past month or two suggested she was committed to the cause.
"I know. I kept thinking about this all yesterday evening and I finally decided that you're probably in the best position to deal with this. I mean, of course I want to support Rachel, but I don't think I can fix this," she continued.
"I'm glad you came to me. You did the right thing," he assured her, because she seemed to need that reassurance. "Why do you believe Rachel is suicidal?"
Gemma met his gaze. "She told me about everything. About the visions she's been having. About the prophecy. She believes she can't kill You-Know-Who, not that I blame her for believing that, but she also seems to believe that You-Know-Who has to kill her in order for the war to end. She said she wasn't going to go to You-Know-Who to let him kill her, but I'm not sure I believe that. When I asked her to tell me or you if she was going to do that, she deflected the question."
Ah. That was another matter entirely.
"I'm worried about her. I'm worried about the effect of watching all these people die. No one can go through that and come out the other side alright. And that's just added on top of all of the terrible things that have happened to her. I really believe that if Rachel gets the opportunity she's going to let You-Know-Who kill her. I think she believes that it's her responsibility to stop all of this."
Severus nodded. "I am aware of the effect it has been having on her, and you're right that she feels too much responsibility for the war. We've placed a great deal on her due to her connection and the prophecy. I will speak with her and ensure that she does not intend to sacrifice herself." While he'd been somewhat dismayed to read Rachel's note this morning that the Dark Lord had not accepted the lure, perhaps it was for the best. He needed to fix this before their plan could proceed, if it could proceed at all now.
Her brow furrowed. "Is this something that talking to her about is really going to help?"
"What do you suggest?"
"I don't know. I'm just scared she's going to say that everything is fine and promise that she won't seek out You-Know-Who and then do it anyway. I know Rachel's not typically someone who lies or breaks the rules, but I think she will do it if she believes it's important enough."
Unfortunately Severus could see Rachel doing just that. "I will be certain to watch for that. And to let her know that I am watching. I will do anything to protect her."
Gemma seemed to consider him and then nodded slightly. "I think the part that worries me most is that she seemed relieved when she talked about dying. And she seemed to feel that it was urgent. Like any day urgent."
"I will talk with her tonight." Once again he was relieved that the Dark Lord had declined the lure. If he hadn't, they might be out on the battlefield already.
She sighed again. "I hadn't expected teaching to be quite like this. I hadn't expected to worry so much."
"It gets easier over time, for the most part. And we are living under extraordinary circumstances at the moment."
"You know about this Defense club they have?" she asked.
"I do, though I've never been to a meeting." He wondered if he should rectify that. "Do you have concerns about it?"
"Not overall. The activities they do are mostly good, and the one time I said that I didn't think something was a good idea, they agreed with me. But they know, Severus. Even the younger kids know that they're in there preparing for war. The students leading the group are always careful to say things like 'your opponent' or 'the attackers', but they all know they're talking about Death Eaters. They're in there teaching kids how to survive and how to escape and how to hide."
"Things they need to learn, under the circumstances," he said, wondering if Gemma would disagree.
"The idea of them facing the Death Eaters at all just terrifies me. They're children. And I know I'm not that much older than them, but I've at least had real training. And I'm preparing them the best I can in class, but I don't believe that Defense class should be training to fight Death Eaters. Am I wrong?" she asked, her eyebrows arched up over her dark eyes.
"You're not wrong. Fighting Death Eaters is certainly not covered by Hogwarts curriculum, nor should it be. Students should be prepared to defend themselves in a variety of threatening situations, but as I said, these are extraordinary circumstances. I'm certain that Albus does not want you to be giving your students the type of training that is done in the MLE."
Gemma nodded. "Just the skills that lead up to that. The seventh years in my class are all competent. The sixth years are a little more half and half, but we have another year to work with them before they're cut loose. It feels strange to me that I'll be leaving in a little over three months. I wish I could stay."
"I know, but you must have a clear intent not to stay. It might even be wise for you to leave before the last week of school, just to make it clear to the curse that you have abandoned the position and will not return," Severus cautioned.
"Perhaps. We'll see as it draws closer," Gemma said. "I have no desire to suffer under the curse, particularly since it seems to favor killing and life imprisonment these past few years, but I hate the idea of abandoning students who need me."
"As I'm sure you recall, the last week of school is mostly just corralling the students so they don't do anything too ridiculous before they go home for the summer. You will have fulfilled your duties once you see your OWL and NEWT students through their exams. Please consider what you do carefully. I would not like to lose you needlessly."
"Thank you. And you're right, of course. It's best not to tempt the curse. I'll make arrangements to leave that Sunday evening after the exams are over."
"Good." He waited, willing to see what else was on Gemma's mind.
"What do you think is going to happen?" she asked after a long moment of silence.
"About the war?" he asked. That question was always about the war.
Gemma nodded. "Is Rachel right about this prophecy? Does she really have to kill him?"
"Yes. The meaning of the prophecy is unfortunately clear. The part that was unclear was eighteen years ago, when we did not know who the prophecy was referring to. The scar on Rachel's forehead was the Dark Lord marking her as the one spoken of in the prophecy," he explained, somewhat wishing that Rachel had not chosen to disclose this, but if it meant saving her life, he was willing to discuss the prophecy with Gemma.
"I have a hard time imagining that. I have a hard time picturing Rachel purposefully hurting someone, let alone killing them."
"I know. The situation is far from ideal."
"Just how soon is the Ministry expecting her to do this? Or is it Professor Dumbledore expecting her to do this?" Gemma asked.
They had purposefully excluded Gemma from the Order up until this point, not wishing to place her in further danger while she was the Defense professor. "It is not that they are expecting her to do this, it is simply that it will happen. Prophecies come true because they must. If I did not believe that were the case, I simply would have taken Rachel from Britain years ago. If I were to do that, the Dark Lord would come to us, because the prophecy must come true."
Gemma shook her head. "I never took Divination. At your recommendation, actually. Why must prophecies come true?"
"Because what the Seer foretells is the shape of things. The specifics generally do not matter. There was, in fact, another child who fit the circumstances of the prophecy. If the Dark Lord had chosen to go after him instead of Rachel, we'd likely still be in this same situation, simply with a different child who had survived the Dark Lord's attack. Whether Rachel fights the Dark Lord tomorrow or next year, here in Britain or on the continent, those things do not matter in terms of the prophecy. The shape of the world simply says that it will happen and that they must die at the hand of the other. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent that, we can only try to shape things so that Rachel is the survivor."
"Poor Rachel. Her destiny laid out when she was only an infant. How long has she known?"
"Two years now. I told her because I feared that if I didn't, the Dark Lord would, and his accounting would undoubtedly not be factual."
"No wonder she thinks she's going to die. I think I'd feel the same way if I was told that at fifteen. Honestly, at fifteen, I was still trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I was still trying to figure that out at seventeen." Gemma shook her head again. "Is there any training I can give Rachel that might help?"
"She is receiving training from me, two aurors, and Albus, but thank you for the offer," he said, a little disturbed that Gemma felt that way. Perhaps Rachel had not been as ready to hear the prophecy as he'd thought she had been. It had not been his first choice to tell her at fifteen, but maybe they had pushed her too hard at that point.
"Well, that's probably the best training she can possibly get then. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I feel like I have a connection to Rachel after my time as a prefect. I don't think she would have told me those things yesterday if she didn't trust me."
"I think it's clear that she does trust you, and you were a good influence on her when she was younger. I think she needed a young woman role model and you did an excellent job with that. I will let you know if there's anything I believe you can help with, but I expect you'll hear that from Rachel before you hear it from me."
"Thank you. I've taken up enough of your office hours. I'll see you later," she said as she stood.
Severus stood as well. "My door is always open to you, Gemma. I know your position is not an easy one and I'd like to help if I can."
"Thank you. You and the other Heads of Houses have been a great resource for me. I've felt very welcomed here and that's been nice because I know Defense teachers aren't always well received."
"Everyone here has been impressed at how you've handled the position. I know we all wish you could stay," he told her. It had been a relief to all of them to have a qualified and competent teacher in the Defense position, even if she was young.
"I'm really glad of that. Really, I am." Gemma let herself out, looking more at ease than when she'd come in.
Severus slunk back to his desk with a heavy heart and checked the time. Rachel was still at Quidditch practice so he'd hold off on sending her a Patronus message telling her to come to their quarters for dinner. That gave him nearly an hour to come up with what he was going to say to her.
Rachel was in the locker room changing after Quidditch practice when she got Severus' message.
"Please come to our quarters for dinner so we may speak," came his voice from his doe Patronus.
"What'd you do?" Scarlett teased.
"Same old, same old," Rachel said, though she suspected she already knew what he wanted to talk to her about. She'd spent most of the day obsessing over her conversation with the Dark Lord last night and she still hadn't figured it out. Hopefully Severus had some ideas. And if not, he could at least tell her what Professor Dumbledore wanted her to do next.
"Do you ever get in trouble? For real?" Viola asked.
"Sometimes. Never on purpose," Rachel said as she pulled her robes on over her uniform and then sat down on the bench to put on her school shoes.
"I get in trouble quite a bit. Not at school, but at home," Penelope said.
"Me too," Viola said.
"And me. Parents. It's like they expect you to learn things without ever making mistakes," Scarlett said.
Rachel was glad that Severus understood that she would make mistakes sometimes. "Can you tell Millie and Theo where I am? I've got to go if I don't want to be late."
"Sure," Scarlett said. "Good luck. Hope you're not in too much trouble."
"Thanks," she said, putting her broom away and slinging her bag over her shoulder before she left the locker room. It wasn't quite spring yet, so it was still chilly, but it was far enough into March that the sun was still out when they came back into the castle after practice. Rachel made the walk by herself while she thought about what she was going to say to Severus. She wanted to know why the Dark Lord had reacted like that, but she wasn't sure if anyone would know.
Fifteen minutes later she let herself into Severus' office, found it empty, and then went through the wall into his quarters. "Sorry I'm late, it just takes a bit to walk back from the Quidditch pitch," she said as she sat her bag down next to the sofa.
"That's fine, I expected that it would take time for you to get here. We need to talk, but we should eat dinner first." Severus stood from his armchair, but there were no essays nearby that he'd been grading, nor books that he'd been reading.
Rachel shrugged. "I mean, is there that much to say?"
"I believe we have things to talk about, yes. Was there something specific you wanted to eat?" he asked, his gaze focused on her.
"No, whatever they're having in the Great Hall is fine," she said, though now she felt a little funny. Something was wrong. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you. I merely wish to talk and to have you consume a meal first," he said, watching her for a moment longer and then moving to the fireplace.
Rachel took her seat at the table but she was certain something was wrong. Severus might say that he wasn't mad at her, but she was almost positive that he wasn't pleased with her either. Did she make a mistake last night? Was she supposed to have known that would happen? Was she supposed to have known not to say that?
A plate of meatloaf and potatoes with green beans appeared in front of her along with a glass of pumpkin juice. Rachel picked up her silverware but was warring with the tight feeling in her stomach as Severus took his seat. "Was I supposed to know not to say that?" she asked.
"Pardon?" Severus asked, looking intently at her again.
"Last night, was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to say that I'd let him kill me? I've talked to him about that before and it was fine. I don't understand what happened."
Severus sighed. "In retrospect, it was perhaps a mistake, but I'm not certain how we could have known he would have that response. Was what happened when he cast the spell at your manifestation similar to the last time it happened?"
"Yes, not exactly the same, but close. I was fine like five minutes later. Why did he think I was lying? Should I have told him I was coming to join him?" she asked.
"No, he wouldn't have believed that either. I think he believes you were lying because he cannot understand that someone might do such a thing. Since he cannot conceive of why you would let him kill you, then obviously you must be lying. Let's discuss it further after dinner," he said, returning his attention to his plate.
Rachel did feel a little bit better, at least he wasn't upset over that, but something still felt wrong to her. She began to eat, focusing more on the potatoes and green beans than on the meatloaf. "Do people really do that?"
"Do what?"
"Decide that just because they can't understand something, that it can't be true."
"Yes, often, unfortunately. Some people will get into a mindset where their beliefs are truth to them. They can see all the evidence in the world that they're wrong, but they can't comprehend it. Fudge comes to mind. Umbridge as well. People tend to term the opposite as keeping an open mind, which generally means listening and accepting new information and deciding if it makes sense to you based on other things you know. For example, I might tell you that the world is flat. I could argue that you've never seen the earth curve, therefore, how do you know it's not flat."
"But other people have seen the earth curve," she pointed out.
"Why should you believe them over me?" he mock argued.
She thought about it for a moment. She didn't know anyone personally who had seen the earth curve. "Because it's published in a lot of books and they're not fiction books, they're books on science. All of those people who have seen it agreed that the earth is round, even people who have been to space and the moon. Oh, the moon. They took pictures of the earth. And there are satellites that take pictures."
"You believe that photo evidence can't be falsified?"
Rachel paused again, considering her meal. "I've heard that they can make fake photos, but I don't know how or anything about it. But why would all those people lie?"
"And that is something you must weigh carefully, because as we learn more about the world, and more about magic, we learn that some things that are considered true or facts are wrong. Things that everyone believed. At one point in history, people believed the sun went around the earth, because that is what it looks like to us," he explained.
She nodded; she remembered hearing about Galileo in her muggle primary school and how everyone had thought it was funny that people had believed that. It seemed like such a strange thing to believe, but then they'd all grown up hearing the truth. Sort of like they'd all grown up hearing that magic wasn't real, that it was pretend and in stories. And now look where she was.
"Another way to refute someone's claim that the earth is flat is to use instruments to measure the curvature of the earth yourself, people have been doing that for more than a millennia now," Severus continued. "There are some things you simply accept as true, because there is a consensus and everything provable suggests that it's true. There are some things you have to test for yourself. For example, you and your friends and your Defense club have challenged common knowledge about how the Patronus charm is taught. For at least as far back as Albus has been at Hogwarts, we've all worked under the assumption that you needed to be powerful and have a certain level of maturity to cast a corporeal Patronus. Now I'm told that there has been nearly a dozen third and fourth years with corporeal Patronus' these past three years, and with students of a variety of skill levels and magical strength. It turned out that while someone strong in magic and who was mature might be able to learn to cast a corporeal Patronus in a short amount of time, perhaps the majority of people can learn over a long period of dedicated work."
"There are probably other things like that, where we believe something is true just because it's always been done that way," she said, a little pleased that her club had taught the professors something. "Do you think they'll change how the Patronus charm is taught at Hogwarts now that they know this?"
"We plan to once we can get a permanent Defense teacher. The curse on the Defense position should end once the Dark Lord is killed. And yes, there are undoubtedly other things that we believe that are simply not true. Part of keeping an open mind is to accept that. The Dark Lord, and many people besides, are unable to accept information outside of their understanding. They can't accept that something they believe isn't true. Eat your dinner."
Rachel returned to eating, but her mind was busy. "Does that put them at a disadvantage?"
"Certainly. If Fudge had accepted the Dark Lord's return earlier, perhaps he would still be alive. If Umbridge had accepted that you were telling the truth, she would not be in Azkaban. If the Dark Lord had done a number of things, he would not be in the position he is in. He could have won this war quite easily instead of aggrandizing himself. But we are all human. You, and I, and Albus, all have foibles as well as the Dark Lord. The difference is that we accept that and try to learn from our mistakes."
"It took the Dark Lord nearly two years to think to try and talk to me," she said as she speared the last of her green beans.
"Yes, it took him that long to take you seriously as an opponent. In that, we are fortunate, but I think you can see how it was to his detriment."
She nodded and started drinking her pumpkin juice. If the Dark Lord hadn't messed around, he could have killed her in the graveyard at the end of her fourth year. And again in Malfoy Manor at the end of her fifth. She wasn't sure what had gone wrong at the attack on Hogsmeade last Easter, but clearly something had. They hadn't even managed to get close to her that time. And then the attack on the first floor corridor. Only Professor Dumbledore had prevented her from being abducted that time, but they should have realized by then that she had a very direct way of receiving assistance. This potentially could have been a very short war. As it was, two and a half years was already a short war and they were still losing badly.
"Did you want dessert or anything else to eat?" Severus asked when she had set aside her glass and her silverware.
"No, I'm done."
"Let's move into the sitting area to speak then," he said as he stood.
Rachel stood as well and went to sit on the sofa. She was surprised when he sat on the sofa as well and it renewed her feeling that something wasn't right. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?"
"I'm not mad at you. I'm concerned. There's a difference. We need to talk and this is something I need you to be truthful about."
She felt her brow furrow. "I haven't lied to you. I don't know why you think I have."
"Not lie, perhaps, but have left information out," he said, his gaze fixed on her. "When you told the Dark Lord that you were going to him so that he could kill you, were you telling the truth?"
Rachel pressed her lips together. That was not a conversation she'd been prepared to have tonight.
"It is important that you are honest with me about this," he said when she didn't speak.
Fine, if he wanted the truth, he could have it. "The Dark Lord is going to kill me the next time he sees me. It doesn't matter what we do. When we face the Dark Lord, I'm going to die."
His expression was unmoved. "Why do you believe that?"
"Because it's true! I can't kill the Dark Lord! It's impossible!" she heard her voice rising and tried to catch herself. "Severus, I have known this since I heard the prophecy for the first time. I can't kill the Dark Lord."
"Do you want to die?" he pressed, concern bringing lines around his mouth and eyes.
She shook her head in denial. "It's not about want. It's just about accepting what is going to happen."
"So if you had the opportunity to live, you would want to?"
The question wasn't as easy to answer as she expected to be. "I'm not leaving Britain. I'm not abandoning the war. I literally couldn't live with myself if I walked away and let this keep happening. Besides, he will follow us. He can sense where I am, just like I can sense him."
Severus was quiet for a long moment, his eyes still resting on her. "Can you talk me through it? Say the Dark Lord accepted your offer to meet with him and we carry out our plan as we had intended. What happens next?"
"We go there, and the Order and the MLE hide. The Dark Lord shows up with his Death Eaters, and hopefully his snake. And the Dark Lord kills me using the Killing Curse. Someone manages to kill the snake, and then Professor Dumbledore kills the Dark Lord, now that he's mortal and no longer under the prophecy."
"We will have cover. We can't block the Killing Curse with a shield, but we have physical cover in each of the locations where we might fight the Dark Lord," he reminded her.
She shook her head. "He'll blow it up."
"And Albus will create new cover for us. He is skilled at elemental magic. He can build as quickly as the Dark Lord can destroy. And the Dark Lord will be forced to contend with Albus. Albus can keep him distracted long enough for you to cast a lethal curse at the Dark Lord. I and the other Order members will prevent Death Eaters from approaching our position. We have people who will focus on killing the snake."
Rachel shrugged. "You're not listening to me. I can't kill him."
"Why not? Is this something where you feel a moral imperative not to kill?"
"No. Nothing like that. I mean, I don't want to kill or hurt anyone, but I understand that killing the Dark Lord will save lives. It's just…it's like that feeling that is knowledge. It's just like I know things about my connection. I just know."
"Remember how we discussed keeping an open mind and accepting different evidence?" he asked.
"I know."
"It's alright to be afraid. I don't think there is a sensible person alive who isn't terrified of facing the Dark Lord."
"I'm not afraid. The worst thing he could do is capture me and I know you're not going to let that happen," she said.
"I will not let that happen. Nor will I let him kill you."
"Now who isn't keeping an open mind?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Belief plays a role in this too. If you go into this believing that he will kill you, then that is what is likely to happen. You must go into this wanting to live and being willing to do anything to ensure that you do."
"I don't think this is something we can agree on." He was clearly deep in denial. "I know you don't want to think about me dying because I'm your daughter. I don't want you to die either."
"I do not wish to think about you dying at all, but I am rightly concerned that your actions may lead to your death. May we talk about this together with Torey?" he asked.
She shrugged again. "Might as well." She wasn't sure that Torey was going to take her side in this, but maybe she could get Severus to think about it rationally.
"We'll talk with her together on Saturday then. Perhaps she can help."
"What do I do if the Dark Lord talks to me again? Has Professor Dumbledore told you?"
"I haven't had a chance to speak with Albus yet today. If the Dark Lord shows up in these next few days, try to delay or distract him. We will figure out a new plan to lure him. We'll think carefully about what he might find believable," he said.
"I could say that I want to duel him. If he won't accept that I'm willing to die for the war, maybe he'll think I'm stupid enough to agree to duel him one on one."
"Doubtful, but he might agree to a larger conflict. He believes in the strength of his Death Eaters and that the Order and the MLE are weak. Let me speak with Albus and we will come up with a new strategy. For now, until you hear from me, delay him. If he asks you to apologize for lying to him, do so. Do not try to convince him that you were telling the truth, that will only cause him to attempt to punish you. There is also the possibility that he may show you him killing someone tonight, as a punishment for your supposed lie," Severus said, looking grim.
Rachel hoped that wasn't the case. "I really didn't know he would react like that. I've talked about him killing me before and he didn't react like that. I don't know what changed."
"The Dark Lord is at times mercurial and unpredictable. It was not your fault, you could not have known it would happen. If he does kill someone in your name tonight, it is not your fault."
She knew she'd feel guilty anyway, but she didn't know what she could do about it now. "Unless you need me for something, I'm going to go. I've got a lot of homework to do."
"I want you to promise me something before you leave."
"What's that?" she asked, pausing from where she'd been moving to stand up.
"If you find yourself thinking that you want to die, I want you to promise to tell me, Poppy, or Torey. I want more than anything to keep you safe, even if it is keeping you safe from yourself," he said, the corners of his mouth pulling down.
"I promise. I'm not going to kill myself, Severus. I promise that much."
"Even so, even if you're not planning on acting on it, I still want you to tell someone if you feel that you want to die. There is help for that, you do not have to suffer with it alone."
"Okay, I promise. As I said, it's not about wanting to die, it's just about accepting what's happening. I'll see you in class tomorrow," she said, feeling a little uncomfortable as she stood and picked up her bag.
"You will. Please let me know if you need anything in the meantime," he said, also standing.
Impulsively, Rachel gave him a little side hug before she left. "I will. Goodnight," she called on her way out through the wall.
That was not a conversation that she'd wanted to have, especially because Severus was being so damn stubborn about it. She somewhat doubted that Torey could help with this, but at least she had told Severus the truth. Hopefully that would help him later on.
On Saturday morning Rachel found herself sitting with Severus in Torey's waiting room. She was resigned to having this whole conversation over again. The more she'd thought about it these past few days, the more likely she thought it was likely that Torey would take Severus' side. She had also found a new worry - what if when she died, Severus thought that it was because she hadn't tried hard enough? She didn't know how to convince him that she was trying. Maybe he'd eventually be able to forgive her.
She watched as Torey's door opened and a young girl left and went to her waiting parent and the parent confirmed with Torey that they'd be meeting at the same time next week before leaving.
"I think we're both with you today, for at least part of her session," Severus said as he stood.
"Is that alright with you, Rachel?" Torey asked.
Was it alright with her? She supposed it was. This wasn't something she wanted to do, but it couldn't be left the way it was either. "Sure." Rachel stood and went into Torey's office, taking her usual spot on the sofa. Severus sat next to her.
Torey settled in her chair. "I take it there is something specific you want to discuss."
"I have some concerns about Rachel's intentions with regards to her life," Severus said.
Torey waited for a moment, but spoke when Rachel didn't. "Could you be more specific?"
"You are aware that a confrontation with the Dark Lord is imminent?"
"I'm aware that is the intention. Is that something you expect to happen soon?"
"The exact time frame is indeterminate and somewhat depends on the Dark Lord. We are attempting to arrange things so that we are in control of the confrontation. However, we cannot proceed while Rachel harbors the belief that it is inevitable that she will be killed fighting the Dark Lord."
Rachel stopped herself from sighing.
"Rachel, do you want to weigh in on that?" Torey asked.
"I'm not sure there's much to say. Severus believes I can kill the Dark Lord. I believe that the Dark Lord is going to kill me. I just can't envision approaching the Dark Lord and not being killed," she said.
"When you picture it, what happens?" Torey asked.
Rachel did sigh that time. "He uses the Killing Curse."
"And as we've discussed, we will have cover. The Dark Lord will be preoccupied with me and Albus. We are not asking you to engage in combat with him. All you have to do is wait for the right moment and then cast a lethal curse," Severus said, sounding a little impatient.
"I think it's important that we don't forget the weight of what you and Professor Dumbledore are asking of Rachel. She's essentially being told that she has to kill someone if she wants to live, and even then, you can't guarantee her safety," Torey said.
"I have no desire to place Rachel in this position. While I acknowledge my role in how events unfolded, much of this is beyond my control," Severus began.
"I'm not trying to place blame," Torey said immediately. "I certainly know that neither you, nor Rachel, nor even Professor Dumbledore want things to be this way. I think that we all know that the Dark Lord isn't going to stop until he reaches Rachel and that's by his choice. Rachel, it sounds like you have some concerns about how this is going to play out."
"I get that neither of you are going to agree with me on this. You don't want to watch me die."
"You're right that neither of us want to watch you die. But right now we're not trying to agree on anything, we just want more information. You seem pretty set into the belief that the Dark Lord is going to kill you. Do you have ideas about why?"
"It's the Dark Lord. He's…" Rachel waved her hands back and forth. "No one can stand up to him. No one survives encountering him."
"Albus and I have, and a number of other people in the Order as well," Severus said.
Rachel turned to look at him, a little confused. "In the last war?" She wouldn't have thought that Severus would have faced the Dark Lord in the last war, unless he meant as a spy.
"Yes, but also in this one."
"You faced the Dark Lord? When? Were you not allowed to tell me?" she asked, more than a little alarmed at the idea.
Severus shook his head. "Perhaps we never discussed it. The Order, including myself and Albus, was outside Malfoy Manor the night you were rescued. We engaged with the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters after the wards went down. Albus forced the Dark Lord back, and the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters retreated rather than stay and fight. Albus has forced the Dark Lord away from battles on several occasions, though as you know neither Albus nor the Dark Lord frequently engage in combat as that is not the best use of their skills."
Rachel had known that along with Draco, the Order and the MLE were responsible for rescuing her, but she hadn't really put together that they'd fought the Dark Lord that night. "You were there and the Dark Lord didn't target you?"
"It was dark and the Dark Lord was engaged in a battle of elemental magic with Albus. I don't think the Dark Lord even knew I was there," he said. "Albus and I are capable of managing the Dark Lord together. We will have additional people keeping the Death Eaters from surrounding us. In any case, the Death Eaters won't aim to do anything but disable us, as the Dark Lord will have made it clear to them that he wants to kill the three of us personally."
"Does it help to know that Severus and Professor Dumbledore have some experience with this?" Torey asked when it was quiet for a moment.
Rachel wasn't certain. She still thought the Dark Lord was likely to target her directly, but maybe he wouldn't be able to target her while he was defending himself from Professor Dumbledore and Severus. "Can people cast two spells at once? Can they use two wands?"
"Technically you can wield two wands, yes, but it's not done in practice. The only place where it would be useful is non-lethal duel, but professional duels and championships have banned the use of two wands. The limiting factor in how quickly you can cast magic is your mind, not your wand. Even if you had two wands, you still have to prepare yourself to cast spells. For people like Albus and the Dark Lord, they are using wandless magic for the majority of their work, unless they need to cast very delicately. Elemental magic is best done without a wand regardless," he explained.
"Rachel, is there something you feel that you need to know or learn before you face the Dark Lord?" Torey asked.
How about at least ten more years of magical experience? She didn't say that though. "I'm alright with the lethal curses Severus has taught me, but I still can't cast the Killing Curse. I'm worried that the spells I know won't have any effect on him."
"You'll likely be blocked a number of times, but that's alright. A lethal curse is a lethal curse; if it makes contact, he will die. Any of the ones that I've taught you will work, but we can practice them more if you feel it will help you be more prepared. Do you believe your lessons with the aurors have taught you enough about avoiding spells and aiming accurately, or would you like more work there as well?" Severus asked.
"My aim is pretty good, I don't think I have problems there. And I've gotten a lot better at avoiding spells. But none of the people I'm practicing with are the Dark Lord."
"I think you are buying into the Dark Lord's propaganda. Yes, he is powerful and skilled. But he is not a god. He is using the same rules of magic as you and I do."
"He can fly without anything supporting him," Rachel pointed out.
"Can he really?" Torey asked.
"Yes, I've seen it myself. It is disconcerting," Severus said. "But even that does not change things. He simply invented a new spell, people do it all the time. What spell casting looks like today is not what it looked like four hundred years ago."
"I think that it is important to keep that in mind. The Dark Lord is not immortal. He's not a god or otherworldly being. He is human like the rest of us," Torey began.
Rachel wasn't so certain of that. She knew he wasn't a god or anything, but he definitely wasn't fully human any longer.
"He can be defeated and killed. But this is also extraordinarily dangerous for both of you. Any battle is dangerous, but he specifically wants to kill you. It is possible that either of you, or both of you, may die."
"That is a possibility," Severus agreed. "What I want is for Rachel to believe that killing the Dark Lord is possible, that this is not a suicide mission, and for her to agree that she's not going to purposefully get herself killed in order to end the war."
"Is there a reason you believe she would do that?" Torey asked.
"She has said as much to the Dark Lord, and when I questioned her about it, she seemed to believe it was a viable pathway."
"I'm not purposefully going to get myself killed. I just think that you're being too optimistic about this," Rachel said.
Severus chucked. "I don't believe that anyone has called me an optimist before."
"Besides, I just want to know that if I do die, that you or Professor Dumbledore will kill him for me."
"We will do everything within our power to do so, but you must also do everything in your power to survive. We can face the Dark Lord again if need be. If he retreats, we try again another time. But we cannot replace you," he said firmly.
"Severus is right about that. And I think he's right that if you are going to do this, which is not a given, that going into it intending to live is important," Torey said.
"I can try," Rachel said reluctantly.
"Think about it some more. Think of all the places you are concerned that the plan will fail and we will attempt to address them," Severus said.
Rachel nodded. She needed to think about that anyway, but now they needed another way to draw the Dark Lord in. He hadn't returned to kill someone in her name, or to talk to her again, but she figured it was only a matter of time.