Title: On Their Own Terms
Author: MJade
Rating: Mature
Genre: Angst and Feels
Warnings: Psychological trauma, PTSD, panic attacks
Time Era: Post-Hogwarts, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-War
Draco/Hermione
Summary:
"Narcissa can be quite kind, even funny, once you get to know her and if you're worried about Malfoy…it took some time but he eventually showed up to one of our tea meetings with Narcissa and actually spoke to Ron and I and -"
"Gave you both full apologies of what he's done to you two throughout the years and wanted to attempt to make amends," Hermione finished curtly. "Yes, Ron told me about your blokes' heart-to-hearts."
"Well, if it means anything," Harry said, catching the tone of her voice. "His atonement or what have you seemed sincere. Ron has done his best to forgive him too."
Hermione sighed in apology. "I'm sorry, Harry. I wasn't trying to be facetious. That is considerate of Malfoy - Draco, I guess, to do that."
"So if you need more time -"
"Harry, I love you, but please stop," Hermione said, cutting him off again. "I am going. Bellatrix Lestrange is not going to stop me from living my life on my own terms." She turned back to Harry with a determined look on her face. "It's about time I went back to Malfoy Manor and face this head on whether you want me there or not."
Notes:
My first ever Post-Hogwarts and Post-War fic. I've also been on a decade-long hiatus from the world of fanfic but recently found inspiration to write again. However, I am a bit rusty so please be kind.
Also this started as a one-shot idea but ended up being seven chapters long.
My apologies, I did not grow up in the UK so there may be some idioms and/or lingo that may not be familiar to all but most are minor.
Lastly, there is a reference in the story to this scene that I believed should have been in the film:
( /shorts/9Sg3J2J_C3M?feature=share)
Please read, review, and enjoy!
Chapter One
It's Been Over a Year, It's Time
"You don't have to do this."
Hermione Granger turned away to hide her exasperated expression and inwardly groaned. Not this again.
Harry Potter glanced at her sympathetically and the pity was quite apparent in his eyes. She knew he meant well and granted, he has been the most compassionate and understanding person she's ever known having gone through similar horrors together.
However, if he kept treating her like she was fragile, delicate, and within an inch of breaking, she was going to scream.
"It's been over a year...it's time."
"The war...there's no timeline for healing, Hermione," Harry said gently. "I'm sure everyone will understand."
Hermione frowned. "I doubt the Malfoys will...I'm sure they think I've been avoiding them."
"They haven't said anything -"
"They don't have to," Hermione interrupted swiftly. "And to be honest, I don't blame them."
Which was the truth. She did not. The fault this time, she decided, was hers.
The last time she saw the Malfoys was during their hearings at the Ministry in front of the Wizengamot. With testimonies from a few members of the Order of the Phoenix including Harry and Hermione, Narcissa and Draco Malfoy got off with probation (which included but not limited to Wizengamot-ordered therapy, Wizengamot-ordered Muggle Studies courses, and Department of Magical Law Enforcement Aurors doing random checks on their homes and their wands). Neither had to see the inside of a cell in Azkaban due in no small part to Harry.
His testimony during the hearings included Draco not giving away their identities when Snatchers captured them and had brought him, Hermione, and Ron Weasley to Malfoy Manor. Draco knew who they were instantly but still chose not to reveal them.
When their memories were examined via pensieve, Narcissa recalled seeing Hermione and Ron from their meeting at Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions shop a year earlier, but said nothing when confronted by her sister.
Harry also affirmed that he wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for the Malfoys as Narcissa deliberately lied to Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest covering for Harry by saying he was dead and Draco for tossing Harry his wand during the last battle with that psychopathic madman.
Lucius Malfoy was not as fortunate and was sentenced to lifetime imprisonment for his involvement in the Second Wizarding War barely dodging the Dementor's Kiss.
A few months after the hearings, Draco took over his father's estate donating a massive amount of Galleons to war efforts including repairs at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and expanding the Janus Thickey Ward at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries and opening a new one not only for wounded war survivors but also for a recently developed department for mind healers specialized to help those severely affected by the war.
Narcissa's healing began with her making renovations to the manor to cleanse her home from any remnants of the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters. It took several months of repairing and rebuilding until she decided it was enough.
Once satisfied, Narcissa had invited Harry for tea one afternoon. It began as a monthly occurrence but Narcissa's temperament towards Harry was warm and cordial and they started a friendship where Harry became a more frequent visitor at the manor. Ron and Hermione had standing invitations as well and although Ron had visited a few times, Hermione declined every single one even going so far as having Ginny Weasley attend in her stead.
For Hermione, it was not so much the Malfoys as it was their home. She had refused to see a mind healer despite insistences from Harry, Ron, and Ginny preferring to process her trauma on her own. She believed she just needed time for what she went through but her experience at Malfoy Manor…
There were difficult times during the last year but none where she had felt so terrified, so powerless, so unbearably helpless as she had been on the manor's drawing room floor being tortured by Draco's psychotic aunt. The carved monstrosity on her forearm, a constant reminder.
How do you move on from something like that?
Even so, she knew she couldn't just hide forever and a year was far too long in her opinion. Which is why she was standing in the living room at Grimmauld Place in a pine green one-shoulder crepe gown she borrowed from Ginny and hair done up in a simple but elegant loose chignon. She also made sure to apply a glamor charm to cover the scars on her forearm.
Since Ginny was unable to attend due to the Holyhead Harpies training season, Hermione resolutely told Harry that she will be his plus one. It was to Harry's surprise that she accepted Narcissa's invitation to the gala held at Malfoy Manor as a fundraising opportunity to gather valuable donations for non-profit and most likely a few for profit organizations in regards to the lingering effects of the Second Wizarding War…and also an opportunity for Narcissa to continue to show that the Malfoys were in some sense redeemed and no longer held the pureblood supremacist's belief that "blood purity is a measure of a wizard's magical ability" and avoided being treated as social pariahs.
However, her resolve for attending was going to weaken if Harry kept at this. At this point, she did not need this kind and gentle approach from her best friend. It took her weeks to mentally prepare herself for this, so she would prefer it more if he pushed her.
"Narcissa can be quite kind, even funny, once you get to know her and if you're worried about Malfoy… it took some time but he eventually showed up to one of our tea meetings with Narcissa and actually spoke to Ron and I and -"
"Gave you both full apologies of what he's done to you two throughout the years and wanted to attempt to make amends," Hermione finished curtly. "Yes, Ron told me about your blokes' heart-to-hearts."
"Well, if it means anything," Harry said, catching the tone of her voice. "His atonement or what have you seemed sincere. Ron has done his best to forgive him too."
Hermione sighed in apology. "I'm sorry, Harry. I wasn't trying to be facetious. That is considerate of Malfoy - Draco, I guess, to do that."
"So if you need more time -"
"Harry, I love you, but please stop," Hermione said, cutting him off again. "I am going. Bellatrix Lestrange is not going to stop me from living my life on my own terms." She turned back to Harry with a determined look on her face. "It's about time I went back to Malfoy Manor and face this head on whether you want me there or not."
Harry smiled, "I'd be happy to have you there and I'm proud of you, Hermione. You know that. And you look absolutely lovely by the way."
Hermione returned his smile and smoothed out her gown as she slipped on a pair of
light tan ankle strap evening stilettos that she had to practice walking in without tripping for a week prior.
"And you, Harry. Very James Bond-esque," Hermione told him knowing full well that Narcissa insisted Harry wear a Tom Ford tuxedo to further emphasize that the Malfoys were no longer intolerant of all things Muggle.
"Oh, Ron and Luna owled that they'll meet us there," Harry mentioned.
Ron. The war had ended but Hermione's struggles just intensified and the experience had left her emotionally unavailable to start a romantic relationship with Ron.
The separation was acrimonious at first but Ron had found solace in Luna Lovegood and then had fallen in love with her. Recently, Hermione and Ron had reconciled and rebuilt their friendship and Hermione was genuinely happy for him and Luna.
"That's wonderful, I haven't seen them in a while…I feel bad, been incredibly busy with the research and…" Hermione said, her voice trailed off.
Harry's expression turned back into concern again. "Hermione, I know you don't want to talk about it but I have to ask if there have been any updates."
Harry regretted asking the moment Hermione's face fell and he felt a sudden pain in his chest.
"No, Harry," she managed. "I haven't heard anything." She closed her eyes and took a breath. "They are still missing. I don't know where they are."
"Hermione, it is possible that they just moved out of Sydney," Harry said, trying to sound comforting. "It does not mean something terrible happened."
"I know but not knowing is driving me mad," she said, burying her face in her hands. "And I haven't made any progress in my research whatsoever to restore their memories."
Hermione was desperately fighting back the tears and trying to keep her breath even as she felt she was on the verge of hyperventilating. She didn't want to think about this now. Not her parents nor her research regarding obliviation reversal and memory retrieval spells that were ultimately going nowhere. She spent several hours per day poring through every book, article, and magical medical journal only to come upon dead ends.
She had already cried buckets the past few weeks ever since she had secured an international portkey to visit them in Australia. However, the last time she visited she found their home in Sydney completely empty. They had been living there since she modified their memories and nothing, not one clue was left to give her any leads as to what happened to them or where they had gone.
"I want my parents back, Harry. I can't lose them! This has been killing me. I don't know what I'd do if they–if I can't–if they'll never remember–"
"Hermione, come here," Harry said, pulling her into his arms. The tears came and in the back of her mind, Hermione knew her makeup would have to be redone.
It was a few minutes and once her breathing slowed Harry spoke, "I'm here, Hermione. We're all here and you don't have to go through this alone."
Hermione exhaled and finally, albeit slowly, pulled away, "Thanks, Harry." She wiped her eyes. "Just give me a moment." She took her wand out and headed to the nearest bathroom.
After a few minutes, Hermione reemerged looking just as lovely as when she had first walked down the stairs, no trace that she had been crying just moments ago.
Harry said "Ready to go to Malfoy Manor?"
Hermione spared a quick glance to her forearm making sure the glamor charm was still in effect. She then took a deep breath and replied "As I'll ever be."
Chapter 2 will be posted this weekend. Please let me now what you think about the first one.
Many thanks to my wonderful beta, Free L!