It's never easy being alone, especially on special occasions. But what would even count as a special occasion anymore? Ichigo didn't know. He slowly made his way around the empty apartment. All the rooms were dark, messy and had the faint smell of expired food. Not for the first time Ichigo wondered how his life became this black hole of depression. It's been one year since the breakup, one year since the person he thought was his other half walked out on him and on his birthday no less.
Starrk was everything Ichigo ever wanted. Where Ichigo was outgoing and bright and downright colorful, Starrk was quiet and reserved, simple almost. He was straight forward and didn't mince his words, but he was never outwardly aggressive toward anyone which made him the level headed one in the relationship.
Starrk had broken up with Ichigo. On his birthday. Now every birthday moving forward he knows he'll think about that man. About how he made him feel, how he grounded him, how he fucked him. Now everything was ruined because of Starrk and for the past year Ichigo felt like he had no reason to even continue living.
How could he when most of his formative years were spent with the man. They met when Ichigo was sixteen, and started dating when he was nineteen. It didn't help that Starrk was fourteen years older than him but Ichigo didn't care. He was caught up in the feeling and now at the age of twenty six he felt old. He didn't think he could even put himself out there in the dating world again. Who would touch him like Starrk? Slow and gentle. Who would whisper in his ear and make him cum with just a few words? Who was going to say they loved him every night before he closed his eyes? No one. He had no one and he didn't want anyone.
Six years down the drain in a relationship that ended on his birthday last year and one year in the shitter because he didn't know how to process his shit and move on. Ichigo felt pathetic and it showed. He moved toward the bathroom, pissed, took a shit, went back to bed. His bed was his refuge. In bed he didn't have to think about responsibilities or his non existent love life or the friends he no longer had. He was lucky to have a dad that took pity on him and continued to pay his utilities. All he had to buy was food and who needed that anyway.
Ichigo hadn't eaten a proper meal in a long time. Too long. It showed too. His body was usually all lean muscle but now he was mostly skin and bones. He looked bad, he felt bad and somehow he relished in his self destructive behavior because it seemed like the only goal he worked toward anymore. Expiring. He didn't have the courage to outright do it himself however if it happened as a result of some sort of negligence then he thinks he could succeed.
A notification sounded on his phone. "Happy Birthday from Google Assistant." Flashed across his screen.
He felt even worse.
Unlocking the screen he saw that one of Starrk's buddies sent him an invite to a party that night. It was weird for so many reasons because this friend of Starrk's really never liked him and he's sure that the friend knows that he and Starrk have been broken up for a year now. However, it seemed that the invite wasn't personal and that It was sent to a bunch of other people as well, like spam.
Ichigo chuckled. The one invite he gets to go anywhere and it came in the form of a broadcasted message from an obscure acquaintance. He laughed hysterically this time. His life was a fucking joke and the only way to make it funnier was to actually attend this party, whether he was meant to be invited or not.
It was 1:00AM and the party was in full swing. Music was loud as fuck, people were sloshed and it seemed that no one cared about gender as they were all pressed together in a messy pile on the dancefloor. Ichigo felt so tired already. He'd barely entered the club and he wanted to turn around and leave. Going back home to his depression and cold pizza sounded so amazing but he was already here, and his money was already low. He needed to have fun to justify this latest travel expense.
Ichigo made his way across to the bar and tried to act as casually as possible. He leaned against the counter and dredged up his old self confidence and swagger. The bartender eyed him appreciatively and winked which made Ichigo feel uncomfortable but somewhat desired. Seems like his bitter, broken body can still attract the male gaze. He grew bolder.
By the time the red headed bartender made his way over to him Ichigo had the entire scenario planned out. He would bat his eyelashes and sweet talk the bartender into a free round. He would pay for his first drink of course but then he'd ride on his reawakened charm and charisma. It was a solid plan.
"Yo lemme get a blowjob and sex on the beach."
His plan fizzled out. His brain could barely form a thought.
Ichigo hadn't even looked over yet but he wanted to scream at the stranger. How could this person not see that he was about to be served?
But then the order sunk in and Ichigo couldn't help but blush at the double entendres held in the names of the two drinks.
He quickly glanced to the side and got an eye full of blue hair. Ichigo was stunned. It was Grimmjow. Like Starrk's co-worker Grimmjow.
Like Grimmjow who he had an on again off again crush on since he started dating Starrk.
Grimmjow whose face he saw every time he jerked off in the last year of his relationship.
Fucking Grimmjow who was fucking Starrk while Ichigo was in the picture.
Ichigo was warring with his conflicted feelings. On the one hand, he wanted to hate Grimmjow. Starrk cheated on him with the man but Ichigo kind of cheated on Starrk too, albeit only in his mind.
On the other hand, he felt that familiar ache in his chest whenever they interacted. Grimmjow simply exudes sex, objectifying be damned. His body was made for sex, and it's been something Ichigo dreamed about before. He was bigger and meaner looking than Starrk. Much more chiseled and rougher.
It's been two years since he'd seen the man in person. He left for a business trip and stayed; said he had some things to do. He said that when he came back, he'd make Starrk an honest man. At least that's what Starrk said when he broke Ichigo's heart into a million pieces.
Now in the depths of his loneliness and nonchalance, Ichigo decided that tonight, he'd take the prize he'd yearned for. Who cared anyway, not like he'd be around to face the backlash, if there was even any to be had.
He swiveled to face the man and said hello.
Blue eyes opened comically wide and the teal markings under his eyes wrinkled as he smiled. Fuck he had a beautiful smile. Ichigo's stomach lurched. The butterflies became unbearable.
"ICHIGO!!!" Grimmjow grasped him in a tight hug that seemed to go on forever.
He used the time to inhale deeply and really sink into it. He smelled the alcohol Grimmjow's been having tonight, smelled his cologne and a scent he only ever attributed to him. Ichigo could faint, instead he grasped the man's shirt and whispered in his ear.
"Hey Grimm."
It was said much sexier that he intended it to but he couldn't help it. The hug and scents were having an effect on him and he liked it too much to care.
"Wow Ichi, it's been so long. How have you been?"
"Oh, ya know, holding on and all that. How's the happy couple?" It broke him to ask but self sabotage has always been his thing.
"Well, to be honest that ended some time ago. I don't think I was ever serious about Starrk. He was my coworker so we got close but he was always a bit lame I'd say."
Ichigo didn't know what to say. He asked because he was expecting to hear that they were doing amazing and moving in together and getting married and having a baby and blah blah blah, but hearing that they weren't together anymore just made him feel lost and now a little part of him had to admit that he wanted to fuck Grimmjow tonight as a way of using him to hurt Starrk the way Starrk hurt him. Using the same man. However with this news, any guilt he could have felt later dissipates before it can even form. Grimmjow was a single man and so was he. Rules about fucking exes be damned.
"Hmm, I'm sorry to hear that."
"Ummm, I wanna apologize ya know, I kinda knew Starrk was ending it with you to be with me. It fucking sucked cuz I never promised Starrk a future together. I can't believe he left the only stable thing he had behind."
"Whatever. I don't care. I mean it's not like I'd die without him."
At that Grimmjow's eyes clouded over. He seemed upset now, angry. Ichigo didn't know what triggered it but soon he was being gripped by his collar and dragged closer to Grimmjow's face.
"Is that what that look in your eyes is? Death? I knew the break up would affect you but to think that you'd go that far. How many times have you tried?"
"Twice. I'm too much of a pussy to really follow through though."
"Yeah thank God for that, wouldn't have gotten to see ya here if you did that shit."
"How did you know?"
"It's in the eyes Ichi-boy. You look lost and desperate. Like you're looking for a way out but the only exit terrifies you."
"Hmmm." That's all Ichigo could say.
He turned away from Grimmjow, paid for two shots of tequila, swallowed quickly and made his way to the dancefloor. Fuck exes and crushes and everybody because it should never be that obvious. He just wanted one night to let loose again before things got worse but Grimmjow just had to come and spoil it. Ichigo decided to get a random fuck from a stranger and go home. It was the best he could hope for now.
Grinding, gyrating bodies surrounded Ichigo in a heartbeat. The crowd swallowed him whole until they were all one body moving together. He felt hands on his hips, on his ass, sometimes on his chest. Someone even grabbed his cock a few times and since he was touch starved, everything felt all the better. With his eyes closed, he let himself get lost in the music. Soon enough he was sandwiched between two people. The short petite one was grinding behind him. He could feel small breasts against his back. He found it weird that a woman would want his back until he felt the unmistakable press of a hard cock against his own. The man's muscles felt huge and he smelled like sweet, fruity alcohol.
When Ichigo opened his eyes, he was met with the russet hued orbs of the bartender.
"Wanna take him home?"
"Oh definitely. He looks like so much fun. Almost like he'd let us do whatever we want to him."
Ichigo began nodding frantically. He hasn't seen the woman yet but her voice was sultry and domineering. Completely taking over his senses and making him feel as though he really would do anything.
"I've been checking you out since you walked in ginger. You're so small. So petite. I bet you'd look lovely between my legs, head bowed, sucking my cock."
A shudder ran through Ichigo at his words and with the man (his name tag read 'Renji') pressing their dicks together, he was almost incoherent.
Ichigo could not believe his luck. Somehow after getting away from Grimmjow he managed to stumble upon these two whom he was sure would give him a good time. It never occurred to him that maybe this could be a mistake. He just went with the flow. Suddenly, he heard shouting, and when he opened his eyes Renji was nowhere to be seen. He did hear Grimmjow's rough baritone and rolled his eyes. Of course Bluey didn't want him to have a good time.
Grimmjow had made his way over and had pulled Renji off of Ichigo. He leaned forward and whispered in Renji's ear. Ichigo could not hear what he said but he did see renji scamper off with the tiny girl that was behind him. Ichigo got in Grimmjow's face and shouted at him.
"Why would you do that? I was just about to get laid you fucker."
Grimmjow threw his head back and laughed.
"Oh you were going to get laid? I thought you wanted to die."
Ichigo could not believe Grimm said that. He was offended but somehow oddly turned on. He guessed now was as good a time as any. He got closer to Grimmjow, got up on his tippy toes and whispered in his ear.
"Let's get outta here. Your place. Buy me three more shots."
Grimmjow took the orders in stride.
"Such a bossy bitch Ichi-boy."
He didn't take orders from anyone but he also wasn't mad. If Ichigo wanted to embrace death then he'd be happy to introduce them in his own way.