After a couple of classes with Theo being recognised as a Slytherin rather than a ghost or student of another house, Harry remembered that Bob and Charybdis had yet to be sorted!
"Bob… We have to break into the Headmaster's Office later today… Gonna get you and Charybdis sorted!"
"Yesssssss, very good."
"You've got to go camp out by the statue so you can hear what the password is."
"Most excellent… proper stealth mission. It will be done."
An hour or so later, Bob returned to the Common Room, having discerned the password as 'Caramel Cobwebs'.
"That sounds good… Do you think we could make caramel spiders?"
"Hmmmm, yesss, I think so... Make caramel and dip the spiders in."
"Should probably get big spiders, otherwise it'd be a bit tricky."
Getting Charybdis out of the Common Room that night was easier than Harry had expected. She hadn't left since first arriving, in part because she enjoyed the company of all the Slytherin students and the windows looking out into the Great Lake. The main reason she had remained in the Common Room, though, was that she didn't want to be shrunk to a more inconspicuous size and thought that exploring would be difficult considering how large she was. Thankfully, with a bit of focus and constant contact via holding her tail, Harry was able to render her invisible – along with himself and Bob. Harry had since learned that his stealthy invisibility skill was called Disillusionment. He thought that sounded dumb, so he continued to call it invisibility.
Unfortunately, as she couldn't move properly if Harry grabbed too much of her tail, it meant he had to awkwardly crouch behind her just holding the very end of it as she slithered toward the Headmaster's Office. Crouching while climbing the steps was a real leg workout, made more tiring by the fact that this was Charybdis' first wander around the castle, so she kept stopping to look at things. They were stopped mid-staircase to allow Charybdis to admire some of the tapestries lining the walls when they heard footsteps. In his surprise, Harry momentarily dropped Charybdis' tail, leaving her to flicker into visibility before he grabbed it again. He looked up to see that Professor Snape had been the one approaching, but he luckily hadn't seemed to notice. Once the danger had passed, the trio continued on toward the Headmaster's Office.
Once outside, they were met with the gargoyle statue, which sleepily lumbered aside once provided with the password. Harry made sure to focus on maintaining invisibility while slowly climbing the twisting staircase to the office.
The room looked strange at night. The many portraits adorning the walls no longer seemed like interesting conversational opportunities, but a shrewd anti-intruder network. The moonlight glittering through the stained-glass windows gave a very different feel than sunlight, casting the office in cool blues and greens. Similarly, the glistening silver instruments perched on all the surfaces felt sharp and dangerous rather than beautiful and enchanting.
"I feel like Frodo sneaking into Mordor…", Harry whispered to Bob.
"Hmmm, yessss… Luckily no orcs."
Charybdis had never been as interested in Lord of the Rings as Harry and Bob, though she appreciated the description of the beautiful elves and the mithril armour. Harry had promised to make her some mithril armour as soon as he learned how… He should really get on with that. She wanted armour that glittered like moonlight.
Harry looked around the office, thankfully finding Fawkes absent. He wondered if Professor Dumbledore let Fawkes sleep at the end of the bed. Birds like nests though, so perhaps he had a nest. Or maybe Professor Dumbledore slept in a nest so that Fawkes felt more comfortable. He would have to ask him sometime.
On a high shelf toward the back of the office sat the Sorting Hat, seemingly asleep. The trio crept closer, Harry dropping the invisibility once out of sight of the portraits.
"Charybdis, can you reach up there and bring it down?"
"Of course… I am very tall."
Charybdis stretched up, positioned herself right in front of the Hat, then struck. The Sorting Hat cried out in shock as he was rudely awakened but was muffled by Charybdis' coils as she gently constricted around it. She softly slumped down to the floor and uncoiled slightly. Holding his hand over the Hat's mouth, Harry extricated it from her grasp.
"Hello! You said you'd sort Bob and Charybdis later, and it's later. Don't scream, okay?"
The Hat seemed to blink a few times, which was odd, considering it had no eyes, then nodded. Harry released his hand from its mouth.
With a frown on its face, the Hat quietly berated Harry.
"My boy, you could have simply asked the Headmaster!"
"…Well, probably – but this was more fun."
"Fun! I say… It wasn't very fun for me."
"Erm, sorry. D'you want some sort of apology gift?"
Over the years, Harry had become well-versed in giving apology gifts.
"…Well, I don't see what you could get me; I am a hat!"
Harry thought for a minute.
"Fabric softener?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what that is."
"Wha – how do magical people do their laundry?"
"There are spells for that!"
"Right. Well, I'll get you some fabric softener and you can see if you like it."
"Very well… Now, it's very late. Who shall I sort first?"
"Meeeeeee!", Bob hissed excitedly.
"Bob first… How do we do this?"
"Hrmmm… If you lift me up, he can press his head up as far as he can, and we can see if that works."
Harry dutifully lifted the Hat, holding it a few inches off the ground. Bob slithered over, stretching up until his head was pressed as far as he could. It looked pretty funny from Harry's perspective, as all he could see was the Hat and half of Bob's body.
It also looked odd from Bob's perspective and smelled a little funky too. He was surprised to hear the Hat's voice resounding in his head.
"My, this is interesting. I've never been atop a creature head before. You've had a very interesting life!"
"Yessss, lots of adventures."
"Oh, how joyous! I can understand you."
Bob had become used to people somewhat understanding him through Parseltongue lessons, but it was novel to have someone understand without first learning.
"Your head is very interesting to sift through… Such a unique way of thinking. Now, you must know already where I'll put you?"
"Slytherin! I am the perfect Slytherin… Very stealthy, very cunning. Smart, handsome."
"I – well, handsome isn't one of the –"
"SLYTHERIN PLEASSSSEEEEEE!"
"Yes, yes…", the Hat sighed. "There's no place for you but –", he switched to whispering aloud, "– Slytherin!"
"Great, Bob! Knew you'd be Slytherin… Charybdis next!"
Bob very happily made room for Charybdis and curled back around Harry's neck.
While Charybdis also had to press her head right up into the Hat, it didn't look quite as odd due to her large size. Though, Harry supposed, snakes wearing hats was a bit of a funny sight regardless.
The Hat was quiet in Charybdis' mind for a moment.
"My dear, you had a difficult start to your life… I am very glad that you found young Harry."
"I am glad I found him too. Harry is much nicer than my old boy. All of Harry's family is my family now."
"Very good! I am happy to hear that… You're a bit more difficult to place than Bob – escaping your cage took a lot of bravery and determination… You could do well in Gryffindor…"
"I would be happy in Gryffindor only if Harry and Bob were also there."
"Ah, such loyalty – I dare not separate such a close family… Alas, your escape also entailed a lot of self-preservation and cunning… I daresay you're an excellent fit for –", he switched to speaking aloud again, "– Slytherin."
"Yessss, I would be sad to leave my admirers behind."
After a bit of chitchat, Harry, Bob, and Charybdis thanked the Hat before placing it back on its shelf and sneaking back to the Common Room.
It was nice to finally have the snakes sorted Slytherin – things felt safer and more secure, in a way.
Lord Voldemort had been listening to Potter chat to his snake in every Defence class. He had come to several conclusions; the boy had exceptional magical talent but was not utilising it for anything but his own niche interests, he was morally flexible in the way that his younger self had been, and most importantly, he had bizarre luck in all manner of dealings, able to do things he shouldn't be able to simply because he didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be able to. For these reasons, Lord Voldemort took a calculated risk and had instructed Quirinius to hold Potter behind after class.
He had given Quirinius a general idea of what to say to Potter but was frustratingly still too weak to fully possess the man, as something had spooked the unicorns and hunting them was much more difficult as of late.
"P-P-Potter, please stay behind after – a-a-after c-class."
"Aw, egg-sucking stump-tails! I told you we should have hidden it better."
It took significant effort for Lord Voldemort not to react to the very serpentine swear. He wondered what it was that the boy and his snake thought they hadn't hidden well.
The boy made his way toward Quirinius' desk, setting his bag down on a nearby table.
"Erm, what did you want to see me about, sir?"
"Well… You have a l-lot of luck and magical t-talent. There is something hidden in this c-castle that I require. I would like to strike – s-s-strike a deal with you –"
"Oh, a hunting mission! I've been asked for that kind of thing before. What do you want me to find?"
"There is a stone –"
"Oh, yikes… I dunno about that. Professor Dumbledore's stone, right?"
Lord Voldemort was stunned. Had Albus told the boy?
"Yes… I r-require the stone. It is hidden in the third-floor corridor, protected b-by –"
"– Nah, I dunno if we can do that. My friend Brownie had a bad experience with a special stone once and we kinda swore off magic rocks altogether."
"I – well, what w-would you like in return?"
"What could he give you in return?"
"I dunno, Bob… Snape's already going to give us the Restricted Section pass next year... I don't think we could ask for weapons given that he teaches Defence."
"Hmmm, yessss, that is true. Perhaps he could give you the pass sooner, though? You wish to get your snake form as soon as possible, yessss?"
"Well, that's an idea, I guess… Do you think it's worth it?"
Listening to them converse, Lord Voldemort made the executive decision to speak up.
"Potter… I can teach you all manner of serpentine secrets, if only you provide me with the stone."
"Whoa, you speak Parseltongue?"
"Quirinius… Reveal me…", he rasped.
As he was uncovered, Lord Voldemort squinted in discomfort, the dull light of the classroom still too bright for him after spending so much time under the turban.
"Fucking pheasants!", exclaimed Bob, bizarrely able to form the word 'fucking' in English.
The boy looked starstruck.
"You look so COOL! Teach me how to look like that!"
Lord Voldemort was somewhat surprised. He knew the boy was strange, but he was somewhat expecting horror in response to his monstrous countenance.
"I will provide you with boundless knowledge… If you wish to look like me, you shall. In return, you will provide with the stone. Do we have a deal?"
"Sure, I – wait – who are you, anyway?"
Lord Voldemort contemplated lying. If he didn't tell the boy, Albus would surely tell him at some point, and Lord Voldemort would lose the boy's trust. If he did tell him, he ran the risk of the boy hating him – though, given his flexible morals, it seemed not to be a definite thing. Worst case scenario, he could kill the boy here and now if things went badly.
"I am Lord Voldemort…"
"Ah, fuck", the snake exclaimed.
"You – right… Why haven't you killed me?"
"I see that you and I are similar… I have no need to kill you unless you act against me."
"Erm… Okay. Hold on a sec."
The boy looked uncomfortable and wandered over to the corner of the classroom, whispering to his snake.
After a few moments of tense conversation, he returned.
"Right, sure. We can help you get the stone if you promise not to kill me or my snakes and promise to help me become a snake."
"…I will promise not to kill you unless you first act against me."
"Okay, sure. Deal. Where's this stone, then?"
When the boy agreed, Lord Voldemort felt a loose magical oath snap into existence. He was surprised it was that easy. If the boy did become troublesome, he could easily goad the boy into a fight, the boy thus acting against him and releasing him from the oath
He explained the different traps and tasks involved, describing what the boy would have to overcome to reach the stone.
"Cool. Okay, Bob, do you remember how Brownie –"
"– Yessss..."
"So, you can –"
"– Yessss!"
"Okay, Bob is gonna get you the stone."
To think that a snake could do it… Perhaps he could have instructed a snake to do it himself… Though, the snakes he conversed with didn't seem to have the same level of intelligence. Potter's snakes were steeped in magic and had very obviously been well-educated.
"Very good… And Potter, do not tell your friends of this mission."
"Of course. Friends of Bob prides itself on its secrecy."
Lord Voldemort didn't recall agreeing to be friends with the snake.
"…Go now, to your next class. Do not act suspiciously."
He quietly wondered if it was possible for Potter to act any more oddly than how he did normally. As the boy exited the classroom, Quirinius finally spoke up.
"My Lord, did he agree then?"
"Yes… We will speak of it later... Leave me to rest."
It was exhausting conversing in English for any amount of time… Nice to talk to a Parselmouth.
On their way to the next class, Harry and Bob chatted about what they had just agreed to. Bob was excited for the mission, but somewhat apprehensive.
"Do you think it'll be like Brownie's rock? She said she felt scared for a while after…"
"I hope not. If you do feel scared, I can just hold you close until you feel better."
"Very good. Ahh… How do you feel?"
"Erm, a bit weird, to be honest."
"Explain it."
"Well, he agreed to help me, and he looked like a snake. That was really cool… But he also killed my parents."
"Hmmm, yesss… But you have Petunia and Vernon and Dudley…"
"Yeah, that's the part that makes it a bit weird. If he hadn't killed them, I don't think I'd have them like I do now. I also wouldn't have met you or Charybdis or Brownie either."
"Yesssss, we are most excellent. A good family."
Harry scrunched his shoulders up to his neck, effectively hugging Bob.
"He also agreed not to kill me or you guys, which is good. I don't think he would have agreed if I didn't help him."
"Yes, yesss, we are safe now."
"Yeah! This is protecting you... Plus, I don't even remember my parents. It's more the idea and the principle of the thing that bothers me. I don't even know why he did it!"
"Hmm, you should ask him."
"Oh, you're right. It's not like he can kill me if I ask."
That settled, Harry and Bob started planning. They had told Voldemort that it might take a little while to get it, given that things are a bit difficult to do as a snake, owing to the lack of hands. He had seemed alright with that, as long as he got it before the school year was up.
From his desk, Severus watched Potter and his adder work on their potion. The boy hadn't been eating the ingredients as much lately, and Severus had to wonder if the two had been hunting in the Forbidden Forest regularly... After having bumped into a blood-soaked Potter coming out of the forest the other week, Severus had vowed not to bother himself with the boy's comings and goings unless it seemed very important.
That was why when he had seen Potter, his adder, and an enormous python flicker into existence before his eyes when making his rounds the other night, Severus' only reaction was a slight misstep, before he carried on as if he hadn't seen them. He did not get paid enough to deal with that sort of nonsense…
The unicorns had been skittish since a wizard housing great darkness had begun hunting them. When a young mare spotted a small wizard with a snake trying to eat fairies, the herd became even more wary. There were more hunters than one in the forest…
They were not the only creatures in the forest that had been spooked as of late. The acromantula colony had heard whispers of beings who had begun hunting their smaller cousins, and had crept deeper into the forest as a result.
The centaur colony had been on high alert ever since something had begun killing unicorns. A few of them had spotted Harry Potter and his snake exploring the forest while eating all sorts of highly poisonous plants and mushrooms. While that was worrying, the stars did not point to the pair as the culprit behind the unicorn attacks, so they saw no need to intervene and had steered well clear of the duo.
One of the only groups in the forest who did not find the young wizard and his snake uncomfortable were the thestrals. Cold-blooded and with dark black skin and hair, the thestrals blended into the forest almost seamlessly. On one occasion, the young boy had passed right by the herd as he chased a squirrel. He did not notice as all eyes snapped to his retreating form. He did not hear the quiet snorts of the thestrals as scented death upon him. He did not know that they knew there was something off about him… Perhaps he was unaware himself…