It had been two months since they lost the baby. Sometimes Xander wasn't sure if Cordelia would ever recover. She'd been deeply depressed at first and he hadn't been able to pull her out of it. Buffy and Willow's visit hadn't helped. Willow still didn't like Cordelia and had been hostile, blaming her for the loss. Buffy was still pissed he kept secrets from her. She was well aware by now, that his work was Classified, he'd said it often enough, but Buffy still refused to understand what that word had to do with her. Buffy and Willow's attitudes were why they'd remained distant friends. Finally, they had gone back to Sunnydale and Xander wondered why they'd bothered to come at all. Or why they'd insisted on coming first.
Faith had arrived the day after they left and her visit had gone much better. Faith had succeeded in pulling Cordelia out of her depression for awhile, even getting her out of the house for a time. She'd come in like a whirlwind, determined to find a way to help her best friend deal with her painful loss. By the time she went back to Sunnydale, Cordelia was less depressed, but still depressed. Xander took a leave of absence from work and took care of her. It hadn't helped her depression any that she'd been recovering from the accident itself. Her cracked ribs made it painful for her to even dress herself. Xander helped her into loose clothing, that definitely offended her fashion sense. He endured her whiplash tongue, knowing she was just focusing on the clothes, because they represented her loss.
Then Joyce came. Her visit had helped as well. Joyce was a mother, herself and right now Cordelia wasn't sure she'd ever be a mother, herself. Joyce's gentle reassurances helped Cordelia in a way that he couldn't, because even though they'd both lost emotionally, Cordelia had had two weeks to bond to her baby. A bond that had been shattered. Occasionally, Xander struggled with resentment over that bond, she hadn't kept it from him to hurt him, she'd been making plans for how to tell him, when they weren't distracted by anything else. She'd wanted it to be a good moment, but because of that, he missed out on two weeks of knowing his child.
Joyce understood that too, she assured him he had a right to his pain and his anger, just as Cordelia did. By the time she went back to Sunnydale, Cordelia was doing better as well. Joyce had encouraged them to talk to each other, to not shut each other out, to remember that they loved each other and though they had both experienced the loss in different ways, it was still their loss. Advice that helped enormously.
Jack came by often, he understood their loss as well, he had lost his son, after all. He succeeded in getting Xander out of the house for a time, taking him to the woods with Teal'C and Daniel, they'd camped out for a weekend while Faith was dragging Cordelia around town.
Sam had come offering awkward attempts at comforting, confessing she was bad at it, but Cordelia smiled and thank her for trying.
Janet's visits were medical on the surface, but always underneath was the care she gave to all of her patients, but most especially, to those she considered family, which included Xander and Cordelia, she'd known them both for nearly a decade at this point, since they were teenagers, and loved them as much as she did her own daughter Cassie, who was just finishing High School.
While two months isn't nearly enough time to grieve any loss, but especially the loss of a child, it was enough time for both of them to begin to heal. By the time Xander returned to work, Cordelia could occasionally smile, no where near her thousand watt smile that he loved so much, but at least a genuine smile. She hadn't laughed yet, but that would come in time. They'd held each other and cried a number of times, they'd raged against a cruel universe together, they argued and made up. They'd hadn't yet accepted their loss, but that too, would come in time.
Xander's return to work started out with a formal meeting with Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Apparently, during Xander's leave from work, the location of Atlantis had been found and she had been named head of an expedition that was being put together. The discovery of the Ancient gene and the ease in which those with the gene could use Ancient technology meant as many as could possibly be found were recruited for the expedition. The knowledge that he had the gene and quite strongly was surprising. The knowledge that Cordelia also had it and equally as strongly was just as surprising. That Dr. Weir wanted them both for the expedition was astonishing. But what would Cordelia do for the expedition, she was a newly minted lawyer. The expedition was scientific in nature, with the military providing protection, what could a lawyer do?
Dr. Weir pointed out that one of her degrees included a law degree. Cordelia could be her assistant and help with negotiations with any aliens. Xander was a translator and a soldier, one who spoke ten languages, including Ancient, they'd both have a place.
Xander knew, he'd never go without Cordelia, especially since there was a good chance it would be a one way trip, if they could find no ZPM'S on the other side. But if Cordelia agreed to go, it would be the opportunity of a lifetime.
But first, he had to tell her. She'd been good about never pressing him over his Classified work, but he knew she was curious. He wondered how she would react to finally find out just what was locked up in his head.