But I wanted a Pony
Chapter i^13 (or 17, for the tiny-minded.)
In which, the Destroyer persists in her wickedness.
She means well.
Harry Potter was walking back to the Slytherin common room when a blonde girl suddenly appeared in front of him, as if she had slipped out of a gigantic invisibility cloak, in a shower of small blue glowing motes.
"Who are you?" asked Harry, drawing his wand.
"Cassiopeia Black" said the girl, her glasses glinting "Are you Harry Potter?"
"How did you just arrive?" Harry asked.
"A jumper. It's like portkey but experimental. I came from Beauxbatons, I'm thinking about transferring next year" said Cassiopeia.
Harry tilted his head "Don't bother" Harry said "This place is a dump and the Headmaster's an evil, scheming old man."
"Evil and Scheming?" asked Cassiopeia.
"I swear he was trying to get me sorted into Gryffindor, and I'm sure he spent some of my vault" said Harry.
"Gryffindor house?" said Cassiopeia "one of the dormitories?
"I'm in Slytherin house, for the ambitious." said Harry, and rolled his eyes.
Cassiopeia nodded "Have you met my cousin, Daphne Greengrass?" she asked.
"Greengrass? That stuck-up cow" said Harry. "Won't talk to half-bloods."
"Even half-bloods who can talk to snakes?" asked Cassiopeia Black.
Harry Potter's eyes narrowed, and he levelled his wand at her "Snakes?" he asked.
"Everyone in my line of the family can" said Cassiopeia.
"Half-bloods that are Blacks?" asked Harry, waving his wand.
"Father" said Cassiopeia, after the privacy spell took effect.
"Hmm" said Harry.
"Can you take me to see her?" asked Cassiopeia. "I want to know what she's like."
Harry flicked his wand about, and shrugged "Come on then." he said. "Want to see anything of Hogwarts?" He started walking.
"There are photographs" said Cassiopeia "Lots came back after the tri-wizard."
Harry stopped, and turned "Are you going to give me shit about that?" Harry asked angrily.
"No" said Cassiopeia.
"Good" said Harry darkly "Don't believe the papers."
They walked down to the dungeons, Harry said "pureblood" and the door opened.
The Slytherin common room was lit with greenish glass lights, and Harry looked around "There we go" said Harry, and walked over to a couch where a group of girls was sitting.
"Greengrass" said Harry "A cousin of yours over from Beauxbatons, Cassiopeia Black."
"Hello" said Cassiopeia and Daphne Greengrass looked up from the assignment the group of girls was working on.
"I don't know you" said Daphne "How are we related?"
"We're Bathorys," said Cassiopeia.
Daphne stood up and looked at Cassiopeia closely "Oh… the eyes." Cassiopeia smiled. "Yes" she said.
"Green eyes in a Black?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Father. Who's a half-blood" said Cassiopeia. "I get my eye colour and shortsightedness from him, and being a parseltouge from his muggleborn mother." she added.
"Parseltounge?" asked Daphne Greengrass, stepping backwards.
"It's just an inherited magical power" said Cassiopeia. "Like being a metamorphmagus, but less useful."
Daphne Greengrass's eyes narrowed "You can't inherit magical talents from muggleborns." she said. "Their parents are muggles."
"Squibs" said Cassiopeia and smiled.
"Squibs?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Not every child of squibs is born fully magical" admitted Cassiopeia. "Grandmother was."
"But" said Daphne Greengrass inhaling "That would give muggleborns actual family trees."
Cassiopeia nodded and shrugged "It's not like I'm the heir apparent of Slytherin or anything."
Daphne Greengrass looked past Cassiopeia at Harry "And Potter?"
"Well he's a relative on the Black side" said Cassiopeia.
"I'm your relative?" asked Harry.
"Twice over. Distantly because your great-aunt Dorea was a Black before she married Charlus Potter, and because Uncle… or Great uncle Sirius is adopting you" said Cassiopeia.
Harry Potter scowled "You can't talk about that. He's on the run" he said.
"If anyone talks, hex them" said Cassiopeia.
"Black?" asked a brown haired witch on the couch "You don't need to tell Potter to hex people."
Cassiopeia tipped her head.
"Tracey Davis" said Tracey.
"Thanks Miss Davis" said Cassiopeia.
"Black" asked the black haired girl on the other side of Daphne. "If your grandmother was muggleborn, and was really the child of squibs, who's Potter's mother's family?"
"Green eyes and parselmouths." said Cassiopeia. "And you are?"
"Lily Moon" said Lily.
"Was my mum a parselmouth?" asked Harry.
"Well your father wasn't" said Cassiopeia "Uncle Sirius would have mentioned, and your father would have apparently used it to mess with Slytherins."
Harry nodded.
"So you two are related on his mothers side?" asked Lily perceptively.
Cassiopeia nodded.
"And what family is that?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Slytherin" said Cassiopeia with a shrug.
"You're a Slytherin on your grandmothers side?" asked Daphne Greengrass, eyebrows raised. "Really?" asked Daphne intently.
"There aren't many in England, but being a parslemouth is only rare in Asia." said Cassiopeia "And there's loads of us at home. Not counting mum, who's obviously not a parselmouth, as she's a Bathory."
"Potter" said Daphne Greengrass "Are you a Slytherin?"
Harry Potter shook his head "Professor Dumbledore said my being parselmouth is… a little bit of you-know-who's power stuck in my scar."
Cassiopeia Black shook her head "Honestly. He's such a muggle. 'a little bit of you-know-who's power stuck in my scar'. Conveniently convincing the heir apparent that he won't own a quarter of Hogwarts."
"Heir Apparent?" asked Daphne Greengrass. "Who's head of the family?"
"You-know-who" said Cassiopeia "Harry Potter's distant uncle Tom."
"You know about Tom?" said Harry urgently, getting very tense.
"He's a relative, just a despicable one" said Cassiopeia. "A Gaunt, and therefore a Peverell descendent like the Potters, and of course the Gaunt's are descendants of Slytherin."
"Was my mum a Gaunt?" asked Harry, with a grimace.
"They strangled their squibs" said Cassiopeia. "So I don't think so." she shook her head.
"Tom doesn't have any living family" said Harry.
Cassiopeia shook her head "Only very distant family like you."
"Potter" asked Lily Moon "If you're heir apparent of Slytherin, and your mother was… heiress apparent, you're not a half-blood."
"Going from what Black says" said Harry "Granger's no more a muggleborn than you are."
"Could she be a Dagwood-Granger?" asked Lily.
"How would we ever know?" asked Harry phatically.
"Blood tests?" asked Tracey "Used at St Mungos to check for potions ingredients incompatibilities. Blacks don't tolerate iron compounds well, Shafiq's are allergic to moonstones." she explained.
"How do you know that?" asked Harry.
"Mum's a healer" said Tracey. "She explains things. At length."
"I'm not like the English Blacks. No problems with iron" said Cassiopeia. "They're too inbred."
Davis snorted "Half the school's related to them. Rumour says it's fae blood."
"That's scurrilous" said Daphne "But would explain the insanity."
"Only by adoption" said Harry defensively. "What's a fae?"
"Oh merlin he's such a muggle" said Daphne Greengrass "Fae as in … high elves. Class five X dangerous beings. Live in fairy mounds, but in a different dimension. Not around these days since iron got so common."
"So… tall, pointy ears?" asked Harry "Muggles think that's what elves look like."
"What!" exclaimed Daphne Greengrass "That's a statute breach."
"It's really old, pre-statute," said Harry "They kind-of know what dragons are, and most magical creatures. Well the big messy ones. Not everything was lost with the statute, they already had some stories written down."
"Oh" said Daphne Greengrass. "Potter, are you actually Heir apparent Slytherin?"
"$Guard Me" Harry hissed and the carved stone snakes of the common room all animated and the heads drew near to Harry, facing outwards.
"Back to sleep$" hissed Cassiopeia Black and the snakes heads lifted, and then the snakes shrank back onto the walls and stilled.
"It's just rude" said Cassiopeia to Harry. "You're not under threat."
"But" said Daphne Greengrass "They listen to you too."
"It's a family thing. We're related." said Cassiopeia.
"That means" said Harry , thinking "That the basilisk..."
"What basilisk?" asked Tracey loudly.
"The one that was petrifying people in second year. It Was NOT me using it, and I had to kill it. Tom Riddle… Uncle Tom was possessing a first-year and using them to command the snake, then tried to consume their soul and life to come back to life." said Harry.
"And?" asked Tracey, as blandly as she could. A Slytherin girl has to maintain certain standards, after all.
"Oh I killed it. You know, apart from Black here, I don't think I've met a relation I like." said Harry.
Cassiopeia Black smiled sincerely "Well I'm not going to try and kill you." she said. "Mother would… well… she'd use family magic if I tried anything like that."
"Don't worry" said Harry "I'd kill you first" he said, and Cassiopeia's face froze, then Harry chuckled. "Not really, look, one full-body bind, and you're no threat."
"Father uses blasting curses and gouging charms" said Cassiopeia. "Mother said he blew up the fifteen people that attacked them before we were born."
"Blew them up?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Blasting curses." said Cassiopeia "Father's really powerful."
"Everyone says that" said Lily dismissively.
"If your father can blow up a tree with one curse, yes" said Cassiopeia. "Mrs Foster, the housekeeper says Mummy got quite angry with Father for destroying some nice old trees."
"Human staff?" asked Lily Moon.
"They're cheaper than House-elves, and we have a proper chef instead of an elf" said Cassiopeia dismissively.
"A chef?" asked Daphne Greengrass. "That can't be cheap."
"Four hundred galleons a year, though he does insist on doing events in the ballroom. Daddy… Father hates it." said Cassiopeia.
"A chef?" asked Daphne Greengrass "How are you not a whale?"
"Good genetics, like you" said Cassiopeia, with a slight smile. "And parents who insist on exercise. Swimming and running. Though, they won't let me have a horse. Which is totally unfair. Mummy had a horse. Grandmama has horses, but no horses for me."
"So Black is quite spoiled" said Harry conversationally.
"Having a horse doesn't make you spoiled" retorted Daphne Greengrass.
"Well" said Cassiopeia Black "I've got to get back before I'm missed."
"Before you're missed?" asked Tracey Davis.
"Well, I didn't exactly ask permission to come visit. Last trip I took, Father quite unreasonably grounded me." said Cassiopeia.
"For a week?" asked Lily.
"Till I'm thirty." said Cassiopeia, and Harry and Daphne snorted simultaneously, then glared at one another.
"Merlin's ghost" said Tracey suddenly "Cassiopeia Black looks like a cross between dear Daphne and Harry Potter, asshole.
"Davis" said Harry gently, "I will pin you to a wall with stone snakes and leave you there for a day."
"He's been like this since he got sorted" said Tracey to Cassiopeia conversationally.
A dark haired girl with a pug-nose came over in tailored school robes "Who are you?" she asked bluntly.
"Cassiopeia Black, Miss?" asked Cassiopeia, suddenly using an icily formal tone.
"Heiress Pansy Parkinson" said Pansy. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm at Beauxbatons with my siblings, and I'm thinking about transferring to Hogwarts" said Cassiopeia. "I met my relative Harry Potter, on the Black side, and wanted to see my relative on the Bathory side, Daphne Greengrass." said Cassiopeia.
"Oh for the love of magic" said Pansy "She's two generations from the Bathory's and they're no longer in control of any part of Hungary. And the Greengrasses are much poorer than the Parkinsons."
"Well, I'm a Black, and a Bathory, and a Slytherin, so really, you can stop being rude to my relative, Parkinson. Your bloodline does not feature any royal families – " said Cassiopeia.
"Oh Merlin, you're worse than Daphne was as a baby. All you Bathory's. Get over yourselves. And you're not a Slytherin yet, bint." interrupted Pansy.
"$Guard ME$" hissed Cassiopeia Black and the stone snakes carved on the walls all animated and formed a fan of animated stone snake heads around Cassiopeia Black.
"When I do it, it's rude" said Harry sarcastically. "Pansy demonstrates the Parkinson charm offensive, and what do you do, call up the family snakes. Honestly. I'm disappointed in you."
At that, Cassiopeia flinched and deflated a bit "Sorry" she said "$Back to sleep$" she hissed, and the snakes went back to the walls.
"You're evil like Potter" said Pansy.
"Being a Slytherin is not being Evil" said Cassiopeia. "I just have a magical heritage stretching back to the founding of Hogwarts. Father says Grandfather Salazar was a very proud, very… clever man."
"Who was cast out from Hogwarts for being evil" said Pansy dismissively.
"His Son, Salazar the second. Grandfather Salazar was very… proud." said Cassiopeia.
"Salazar the second?" said Lily Moon "He called his son… Salazar. More than a bit proud of himself."
"Sorry… Black, you're the offspring of Salazar the Second, who was cast out for being evil" said Pansy sarcastically.
"No" said Cassiopeia firmly. "I'm the offspring of Salazar's squib daughter actually. Salazar the second was probably killed by Godric Gryffindor. Grandfather Salazar's records were lost."
"Lost?" asked Harry "Or just put somewhere safe? Where only family could get them."
"I couldn't possibly guess" said Cassiopeia "$Perhaps the Chamber$" she hissed.
"$Chamber? I must check$" hissed Harry.
"That" said Daphne firmly "is creepy."
"Sorry" said Cassiopeia "Mummy does say not to do it."
"Black looks like a cross between Potter and Greengrass" said Pansy "And that's a revolting image I'll need memory charmed out of my brain."
"Pansy" said Harry "you'd need to have a brain first. By the way, according to my cousin here, I'm heir to the Blacks fortune, and Heir apparent Slytherin. Don't feel you have to bow, but really, you should."
"Black" said Pansy "you transfer and I'll make your life a living hell."
"Oh Pansy," said Harry sarcastically "You already do that to everyone in Slytherin. We have to watch you sucking Draco's face."
"Not just his face" muttered Tracey.
"You can't be Heir black, Draco is" said Pansy.
"Sirius Blacks' adopting me." said Harry with a grin "Drakey-pooh will inherit the Malfoy estate once Lucy-pooh's dead. That's a suggestion for Drakey-Pooh by the way."
"So who's the head of Slytherin?" asked Pansy.
"Voldemort" said Harry bluntly "My other Uncle, Tom Marvolo Riddle. And If you thought I was an arsehole, He's much worse."
"Potter's mother was Heiress apparent, offspring of squibs" said Lily "Isn't magical inheritance fascinating. That makes he-who-shall-not-be-named a parricide. And makes a number of people blood traitors. Himself included."
"Millie" said Pansy "Moon needs a trip to the loo."
A tall, broad shoulder girl with only one eyebrow frowned "Pansy, your dad worked for him, so, sorry, but you're a blood traitor. No can do."
"I AM NOT A BLOOD TRAITOR!" shouted Pansy.
"Shouting doesn't make it true" said Harry "Try an unbreakable oath?" he suggested, and cackled.
Pansy backed off "Everyone goes to sleep sometime" she said.
"Well not everyone" said Harry "$Bind that witch to the wall$" he hissed and pointed at Pansy.
Stone snakes pulled off the wall carvings and bit Pansy, pulling her screaming to the wall.
"Potter!" said a seventh year "You've been warned about doing that."
"Bole" said Harry loudly across the common room "Voldemort is trying to kill me, having Professor Snape hate me a tiny bit more is nothing. Besides, if my cousin Cassiopeia comes to Hogwarts, we can both make the snakes do things."
"Potter" said Bole again.
"$Bind that wizard to the couch$" hissed a pointing Harry and the embroidered snakes shot out of then embroidery and pulled Bole tight against the couch he was sitting on.
"Bole, you're in the Slytherin common room, and apparently, I'm actually Heir apparent, So you are quite literally in my common room. Of course, if Uncle Tom was here, he'd kill me, but given that he kills bystanders for no reason, you'd die too. This is the way it is because of blood." said Harry angrily.
"He's gonna get detention" said Tracey in a sing-song voice.
Harry rolled his eyes "$Release the captives$" he said, and Bole and Pansy were freed by the snakes, who retracted into carvings and embroidery.
"Potter, without family magic to protect you, you're just an uppity fifth year" said Bole.
"Oh my" said Daphne Greengrass "That's family magic, isn't it?"
Cassiopeia Black snorted "Oh, it is" she said and grinned "Hey Mr Bole… nice work, it's family magic, so… don't go telling Snape. You're of age, so that makes the penalty for a violation of the family magics act… well… I think it's Azkaban?" she said theatrically.
"Azkaban" agreed Daphne Greengrass "Pansy… as an underage witch, I think you only get expelled and your wand snapped."
"You can't do this" said Pansy, stamping her foot "You can't make things so that you have an unfair advantage just because of who your family is."
Harry snorted "You just described pureblood privilege. Just turns out mine's a bit more privileged than yours, because my family tree's better… Black's is better than mine though."
"I've never killed a basilisk, or out-flown a dragon, or fought a dark lord" said Cassiopeia "And if I did any of those things… Mummy would ground me."
"Well you're probably a magical weakling anyway" said Pansy.
Cassiopeia Black flicked her wrist, a wand falling into her hand and she cast a spell "Expecto Patronum!" and a silvery mist jetted out of her wand, forming a silvery doe. Cassiopeia held her wand level "A corporal Patronus, Parkinson. Guaranteed O in NEWT level charms, and more usefully, repels Dementors."
"Pretty good" said Harry, drew his wand and cast a patronus… which was a silvery stag.
"Father's is bigger" said Casssiopia. "I heard you cast that in third year."
Harry nodded "Harder than it looks" he said tightly, wand held stiffly.
Prongs sniffed the air and trotted over to the doe, which was standing mostly still. Prongs sniffed the doe, and the does' ear twitched. Prongs turned and circled the doe, facing outwards.
"Oh merlin they're going to mate." sniggered Tracey.
"The stag's defending the doe" said Lily. "Why the hell would it do that?"
"Prongs is good that way." said Harry, proud of Prongs. Proud, also that Prongs wasn't trying to hump the doe patronus. That would be so excruciatingly embarrassing.
"Prongs?" asked Daphne Greengrass, running her hand through the silvery stag as it circled the common room.
"Named after my father's animagus form. A stag." said Harry.
"He's nauseatingly good at this" said Lily conversationally. "And Black's just… keeping casting this."
"Father says you need to keep your Patronus going for as long as you need it." said Cassiopeia, sounding a little strained. "It's all in the happy thought."
"Hey Bole, can you cast a Patronus?" asked Harry loudly.
"Potter" said Professor Snape, who'd come in quietly "Cease this childish display. Who is that with you?"
"Cassiopeia Black" said Cassiopeia "I'm visiting to see if I want to transfer from Beauxbatons."
"A Black, and your father must be Sirius" said Professor Snape.
"He's a relative, but not my father" said Cassiopeia, flicking her wand and stopping the Patronus, and slipping her wand back up into her wrist holster.
Harry flicked his wand and Prongs faded, and he slid his wand up his sleeve much less stylishly.
"And where are your Parents, Miss Black?" asked Professor Snape.
"Not here" said Cassiopeia "Is it true you're the youngest potions master Hogwarts has ever seen?"
Snape performed an eye-roll. "Yes." he said, and advanced across the Common room to stand over Cassiopeia.
"My mother's a Bathory and my father's a Black and a Slytherin… the family not the house" said Cassiopeia "You needn't bow… I'm not heiress … Potter's Heir apparent… Uncle Tom is head of house… and a parricide apparently."
"Oh won't you be fun," muttered Snape, "Get out of my common room, Miss Black!"
"My Common room, apparently" said Harry "But… Cassiopeia did say she needed to go back before she was missed."
"You came from France, without permission." said Professor Snape, his eyes nearly shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're actually more annoying than Potter."
"We're related" said Cassiopeia brightly.
Professor Snape looked at Harry, then Cassiopeia, then Daphne Greengrass. "Miss Black" he said quickly "I think you need to leave. Before anything catastrophic happens."
"Oh. That reminds me" said Cassiopeia, and took a letter out of her robe pocket and handed it to Harry "Some tips on dealing with annoying relations. I had to look stuff up, but Father did say I was grounded till I'm thirty, so I couldn't ask him. I think it's right."
"Black!" said Professor Snape tightly "If you are not out of this common room in thirty seconds, I will banish you there myself."
Cassiopeia waved to the girls on the couch, whispered "Ask Daphne out" to Harry and walked very quickly out of the common room, followed by Professor Snape, who closed the door, and cast a privacy charm.
"Get back to your time, young lady" said Professor Snape. "Before you kill us all."
"Oh I'm not from your future" said Cassiopeia, fishing a silvery gimbal from her pocket and pressing a brass button on one end of the crystal rod in the centre, that reset all the brass thumb-wheels to zero "I'm dimension and time travelling. It's not even illegal!" with that, she pressed a second, red button on the other end of the rod, and vanished as if into an invisibility cloak. An invisible seam in reality dropped a small puff of glowing blue motes.
Professor Snape took a deep breath, reached into his robes and took out a blue vial, and drank it. He exhaled slowly, hands shaking.
Inside the common room Harry Potter said "Hey Greengrass, come to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"
"Just because you've got an unusual family tree, I'm not going to date you" said Daphne firmly.
"Well, I'm not a half-blood, and Black's a proper sacred-twenty-eight family" said Harry.
"And your kid's magically powerful and really spoilt" said Tracey.
"My what?" asked Daphne, recoiling in her chair.
"That stag protected the doe like it was his offspring. Pansy pointed it out too. Casssiopia Black's a cross between Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass. And her family tree's the union of yours. She even kept calling you relatives. Match-making time-travelling rule-breaking daughter." said Tracey, waving her index fingers to the beat of her words.
"She's never getting a pony" quipped Harry. "She's grounded from the day she's born, till she's forty!"
"She's not getting born, Potter" said Daphne firmly.
"Yes she is, because we met her" said Harry.
"Dammit, you hang around with that… mug… that know-it-all Granger. That's her kind of logic." said Daphne.
"Granger's smarter than me, and smarter than you, even if she's a Gryffindor" said Harry. "Cassiopeia's at least as smart as you. And at least you don't have to worry where your children would be sorted." noted Harry.
"I am NOT so shallow that I would worry about that!" said Daphne loudly. "And any minute now, reality will rearrange, and we'll forget she ever visited, because she's NEVER BEING BORN."
"Daphne" said Harry "She still exists. So you're going to Hogsmeade."
"That is not logic" said Daphne. "And you're short."
"I'll grow. My father was tall, and my mother was only a little shorter." said Harry "I have a picture of them in seventh year. Hagrid got it for me."
"Why did the gamekeeper get you a picture of your parents?" asked Tracey.
"Because I didn't even know their names growing up." said Harry "My relatives all hate me. There… I've said it. My aunt hates me, my uncle hates me, and my other uncle, Tom, killed my parents, and tried to kill me, and has been trying nearly every year since I came to Hogwarts."
"So getting adopted by Sirius Black's an upgrade?" asked Lily sarcastically.
"My godfather, and framed. He just … lost his mind with grief, and another friend of theirs betrayed them." said Harry. "One of Sirius's best friends was a secret death eater. It's a mess."
A week later Daphne Greengrass threw butterbeer at Harry Potter inside the Three Broomsticks.
Two years later they got married. Harry insisted their daughter was firstly, called Cassiopeia, secondly, never getting a pony. Daphne had lost all self respect by then and just rolled her eyes.
Caph was a spirited child.
As a young adult, she found the letter her father had received from… Cassiopeia Black. Who wasn't her. Maybe. But Uncle Theo had that dimension jumper thing… and it wasn't technically illegal.