"What did I say?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"He never talks about them" said Ron. "We had to break him out of there once. Bars on his windows."
"Decorative ironwork" said Daphne Greengrass. "Should I go after him?"
"Oh god no" said Hermione "Harry gets in moods. We just wait till he calms down."
"He'll be fine in a few days." agreed Ron.
"A few days?" asked Daphne Greengrass, and her face froze in a tight expression. "Future me didn't mention this" she croaked, then frantically dug into her robe pocket, to get out a bundle of parchment that she unfolded and started looking through, quickly, muttering to herself.
"No, that's the spell, that's his godfather, that's the other page I already gave him about dark lords" she muttered to herself.
"You gave him a page about dark lords?" asked Hermione.
"To skip having a multiyear war, yes" said Daphne distractedly, reading page after page, finally she stopped. "Oh shit" she said.
"What is it Daph?" asked Tracey.
"Take him to St Mungo's over the holidays" said Daphne.
"St Mungo's?" asked Hermione.
"Yeah, you know, the hospital." said Ron.
"St Mungo's hospital for magical maladies and injuries" said Tracey "Where you go as a child for your vaccinations?"
"Vaccinations?" asked Hermione.
"You know" said Tracey "Dragon pox, vanishing sickness, and the new splattergroit vaccine is thirty percent effective."
"My parents, after McGonagall, a medi-witch came, and she gave me two injections" said Hermione.
"Me too" said Sally-Anne.
"Huh" said Tracey "The muggleborns get two, It'd be dragonpox and vanishing sickness. Potter's had them too right?"
"He um," said Ron, "never mentioned it."
"How messed up are his guardians?" asked Daphne "Dragonpox is lethal, and vanishing sickness – well, you vanish."
"He has spent a lot of time with Madam Pomfrey" said Ron thoughtfully "She'd have given them to him. Wouldn't she?"
"Well" said Tracey slowly "you could ask her – that'd be a way to get Potter to St Mungo's over the Christmas hol's. He'd need his vaccinations."
"How likely is getting either of those infections?" asked Hermione.
"There's not a Dragonpox epidemic at the moment" said Tracey "Mum would tell me in a letter."
"But, vanishing sickness?" asked Hermione.
"Nobody's got it at Hogwarts" said Tracey "The staff would tell us – it's infectious."
Ron sighed "To be blunt, Hogwarts doesn't have the best student safety record."
"Madam Pomfrey" said Daphne decisively.
The mass of witches and Ron headed to the infirmary, and barged in the swinging double doors.
The beds were all vacant, and all the trolleys and screens on wheels were lined up neatly.
Madam Pomfrey came out of her office and frowned "Weasley and Granger and… Greengrass and Davis and Moon and sorry dear – you I don't know."
"Perks" said Sally-Anne. "I'm in Slytherin with Greengrass and Davis and Moon."
"Why are … you here?" asked Madam Pomfrey.
"We um think Harry might not have had his vaccinations" said Hermione "He should go to St Mungo's, maybe at Christmas for that."
"Miss Granger, I can get vaccines easily. Surely his guardians took him to be vaccinated?"
"They um. Don't do anything to do with magic" said Ron awkwardly. "Hagrid brung him his Hogwarts letter cos they destroyed all the ones sent the normal way."
"But… his mother was a witch, his Aunt would know all about it" said Madam Pomfrey.
"I dunno about his aunt, but he really needs to go to St Mungo's" said Ron. "What if he got Dragonpox?"
For some reason, Madam Pomfrey grimaced "ah, well, yes" she said "Given his grandparents both died of it, he might have an inherited weakness for it."
She picked up a clipboard from a trolley and started writing on it.
"Hold up" said Ron "Harry's grandparents died of Dragonpox?"
"The vaccine was invented the year after they died, Mr Weasley." said Madam Pomfrey "and they were a little older than average as parents when James came to Hogwarts."
"How old were they?" asked Daphne Greengrass.
"Well, er, in their sixties" said Madam Pomfrey.
Ron coughed, and for some reason Daphne Greengrass blushed.
"Miss Greengrass?"
"I… I've been told that Potter has a erm. Problem – he doesn't sleep." said Daphne Greengrass.
"S'true" said Ron thoughtfully "He doesn't sleep much and um, well since last year he has nightmares."
"And how do you know that, Mr Weasley?"
"Well, his screaming was waking us up, but he's got good at silencing charms" said Ron.
"Screaming?" said Daphne Greengrass "Screaming?" she asked more stridently.
"And he complains about My snoring" said Ron.
Madam Pomfrey had dropped the clipboard. "Oh dear" she said.
A moment later she asked "Where IS Mr Potter, given that you two are here?"
"Um" said Ron.
"We don't exactly know" said Hermione.
"But?" asked Madam Pomfrey.
"Well, he got upset and ran off" said Ron. "You know Harry – he gets upset."
"Actually, Mr Weasley I'm more accustomed to seeing him with near fatal injuries. Or carrying a sodding great big sword. Or sometimes both." said Madam Pomfrey.
"We had an adventure and nobody got hurt" said Ron. "But then someone mentioned his relations, and Harry just left. He'll get over it."
Madam Pomfrey went to her office, and came back out.
"I will have Mr Potter located shortly" she said.
"Oh you asked your house elf. Mummy does that" said Daphne. "Glinkit can find you anywhere at home."
A bedpan bonged.
"Bother" said Madam Pomfrey unexpectedly.
"What's that for?" asked Hermione, but Madam Pomfrey was already dashing for her office.
"You don't think?" asked Ron.
"Surely not" said Hermione.
From inside the office there was a flare of green light like floo powder being used.
"Madam Pomfrey?" Daphne Greengrass called out. There was no response.
Hermione was power-walking over to the office before you could say 'out of bounds.'
"She's gone?" Hermione called out.
Ron peered into Madam Pomfrey's office through the doorway "What's going on?" asked Ron.
Hermione put her hands on her hips "Ron, how should I know."
"It's just you usually know stuff" said Ron, awkwardly.
About a minute later, Madam Pomfrey reappeared in her office in the green flames of the floo network, Hermione bolting for the door. As soon as Madam Pomfrey had stepped out she said "Granger, you're a prefect so you can be responsible. Greengrass, you're familiar with the infirmary. The two of you, keep anyone from raiding the stores, and if you can give first aid" she was walking very quickly, and she snatched a black bag from under her desk, and started dumping potions into it.
"Is Harry all right?" asked Hermione.
"I have no idea. I've got a very badly injured patient, and no time. Don't be idiots!" she said loudly and disappeared back into the firepalce.
"Did Madam Pomfrey just leave you and Greengrass in charge of the infirmary?" asked Ron.
"I'm a prefect" said Hermione, going back into the office an snooping on the papers on Madam Pomfrey's desk.
"I'm a prefect" said Ron. "This is serious. And she doesn't know where Harry is!"
"Well, he's not here" said Hermione idly, turning pages.
Daphne Greengrass halted in the doorway "Granger, you're not on task. We're supposed to be guarding the infirmary supplies."
"You do that, I'm reading" said Hermione distractedly.
"GRANGER!" said Daphne loudly "While I understand that you're incredibly nosey, I'm not single-handedly looking after the infirmary!"
"Get your friends to help" said Hermione.
"We're not prefects" said Daphne. "And I hardly think Pansy would be any use here."
"Or ever" said Ron blandly.
Hermione finally looked up from the parchments "Madam Pomfrey's house elf will find Harry some time soon." she said.
"And she's god alone knows where," said Daphne, "That's the only person who can defeat Voldemort gone missing."
Ron leaned against the wall "He'll turn up sometime tonight." said Ron "He'll come to bed late yeah, but it's not liked he'd camp in a classroom."
"Or the chamber of secrets that only he can open?" asked Daphne.
"Nah. He hates it." said Ron "Even after today's adventure, last time really was a troll of an adventure. Neither of us were happy going down there."
"Ron Spider not troll" said Hermione loudly from the office.
"I said Troll because they're all Slytherins – they probably like spiders and are scared of trolls."
"We could have been eaten by the troll in the Dungeons in first year" said Sally-Anne.
"It was in the second floor, not the Dungeon" said Ron casually.
Hermione came out "That idiot" she pointed at Ron "knocked it out with its own club."
"Because I had a good tutor" said Ron.
"Don't be ridiculous, first year's don't go knocking out Trolls" said Daphne.
"Pfft" went Ron. "We're Gryffindors. And we had Harry doing the really insane bits."
"I was too scared to cast a single spell." admitted Hermione.
The Slytherin girls looked at her aghast.
"What?" said Lily Moon. "You … didn't cast any spells?"
"You had… to rely on boys?" asked Tracey.
"That's really letting witchdom down, Granger." said Daphne, "A young witch can do anything a stupid eleven-year old boy can do."
"I was scared!" said Hermione loudly.
"Well, that it was a mountain troll is a mitigating factor" admitted Daphne. "I trust that these days, you wouldn't cower?"
"They've said loads of times the next troll's my job" said Hermoine.
"Surely Madam Pomfrey must have found Harry by Now" said Ron.
"Weasley, she got her house elf to to go. They'll have told her. Not us." said Daphne.
"Best we can do is wait till she comes back. We're sort-of stuck here cos Daphne and Granger have to hold the fort." said Tracey Davis.
"House efl?" said Ron trhoughtfully "Harry's friends with that house elf – the loony one that tried to kill him. "
"I don't want to know how that works." said Daphne.
"His name's Dobby and he used to work for the Malfoys. He was treated abominably, and Harry got Mr Malfoy to free him. Well, tricked him into it." said Hermione.
"Do either of you know this elf personally?" asked Daphne, "you could get him to find Potter."
"Dobby?" Ron called out, an little later, a skinny little house-elf appeared with a pop, wearing a brightly coloured tea-cosy on his head, a green jumper suspiciously labelled with a golden 'H', and several pairs of mismatched, brightly coloured woolly socks.
"Harry Potter's Wheezy" said Dobby, looking around "And the Grangey, and Ice-cream girl."
Ron looked around the room, and couldn't work out who that was.
"Hi Dobby" said Ron "Harry's run off and we're worried. I was wondering if you could find him for us?"
"Dobby is a free elf" said Dobby, and he paused "But… for some consideration, Dobby could find Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter."
Ron looked thoughtful "Anyone got some money?" he asked.
Hermione ducked into Madam Pomfrey's office and came back with a sickle.
"A sickle, Dobby" said Hermione "To find Harry, come back here and tell us where he is."
"Dobby looked at the silvery coin, and shook his head. "Dobby will not find Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter for a Sickle. … Dobby wants ten knuts."
Hermione closed her eyes then opened them "Dobby, a sickle is worth more than ten knuts."
"Dobby wants ten knuts to find Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter, or Dobby isn't doing it. Dobby is a free elf, but Dobby's work has value. Ten knuts, and no more of your badly knitted hats, Dobby can't sell a single one."
"Dobby?" asked Daphne Greengrass, "What price to, for example, Harry, and then bring him back back here ? That would be a lot more work than just finding him."
Dobby put his hands on his hips- well that general area under his tea-towel and stared at Daphne Greengrass. "That is very clever, ice-cream girl. But Dobby is not an idiot. It is against the rules for Students to pop at Hogwarts, and that is just Dobby doing the popping for Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter."
"But it's an emergency" said Hermione "He hasn't had his vaccinations. He could catch Vanishing sickness, or even Dragonpox."
Dobby's head turned in the blink of an eye to look at Hermione. "Dragonpoxes?" asked Dobby.
"Dragonpox. Madam Pomfrey even said the Potters might be oddly susceptible to Dragon Pox." said Hermione quickly.
Dobby shook his head "Dobby can break some of the rules some of the time but Dobby cannot break all of the rules all of the time. Dobby could be put on administrative suspension, and not allowed to do the dusting. No. Dobby waits till a Staff member, except for Angry cleaning man, tell Dobby it's an emergency before Dobby breaks the no popping students rule."
"Except for Angry cleaning man?" asked Ron.
"Angry cleaning man and some other people are on the list," said Dobby, "we is not required to listen to them, because they have been tricksy and made house-elfs do things house-elfs are not needing to be doing. Dobby… for a modest payment might take someone's name off the list."
Daphne Greengrass lunged over to Hermione, took the sickle, and thrust it to Dobby. "Keep THE CHANGE" she said.
"Dobby is not thinking Dobby even makes a profit on that" said Dobby.
"Why you little!" said Daphne, trying to grab Dobby, who vanished with a pop.
"What, exactly just happened?" asked Hermione.
"None of your business." said Daphne.
"See, she's not that boring" said Tracey to Lily Moon.
Ten minutes later, Dobby reappeared, dripping wet.
"It is being raining" said Dobby. "Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter is hiding in the tallest tower."
How'd you get wet going there?" asked Ron.
"Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter was in the last place Dobby looked. Some of the places Dobby looked were wet," said Dobby.
"Right. Tallest tower" said Ron. "I'll go, and um, you lot stay here."
"Hardly" said Tracey Davis "we've been to the bloody chamber of secrets, we can go to the tallest tower."
"Some of us have to stay here" said Daphne.
"Yes that's true," said Tracey "enjoy bonding with Granger."
"Hermione?" asked Ron "In Hogwarts, a History, which tower's the tallest?"
"Dobby, could you lead Ron to Harry?" asked Hermione.
"Dobby will want… to learn things" said Dobby.
"As long as it doesn't involve giving him a wand or breaking the house-elf control act, go with it" said Daphne.
"That's hardly a complete legal opinion" said Ron "Dobby, there are some really complicated laws I don't want to break."
"Dobby will… thinks of something, Wheezy." said Dobby.
"Well, we did go exploring the Chamber of Secrets" said Ron. "So we could tell you all about that. I'm pretty sure that cant' be breaking any laws or rules."
"Dobby accepts" said Dobby, and he padded towards the doors.
Ron, Lily, Sally-Anne and Tracey followed after him.
As they left the infirmary, Ron started by saying "So the entrance is in the girls loo off the second floor landing. The one with Moaning – with Myrtle Warren's ghost..."
"...so then, you see Harry needed a trunk, and that's where it all went wrong. His relatives would hardly go shopping for him" said Ron as they got to the seventh floor landing. He was red-cheeked, but the girls were puffing.
Dobby stopped, and turned to look Ron in the face. "Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter's relatives won't buy him a trunk?"
"They don't like him. They… they put bars on his windows." said Ron.
Dobby tilted his head and nodded. "Dobby owes Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter his freedom. And Dobby has learned that his relations are not nice to Great and powerful, noble and wise Harry Potter."
"Well, they treat him like people treat a house-elf" said Ron. "He won't talk about it."
"Dobby understands. Dobby doesn't want to remember having to shut his hands in the oven door, or iron his ears either." said Dobby.
"I'm not sure they did that," said Ron, "But they never give him a birthday present, and their Christmas presents were horrible. And… I think they lock him in his room."
Dobby smiled a … unnervingly fanged smile and vanished with a pop.
"Oh" said Ron.
"Weasley?" asked Tracey "Hypothetically speaking, do you think Dobby just went to Potter's relatives' house to … do things?"
"Hypothetically speaking?" asked Ron "I wouldn't speculate. I don't know much, but I know informed speculation can be taken as conspiracy to conceal, and well, hypothetically, an unhinged free house elf that thinks Harry's the greatest thing since the Nimbus two thousand and one, has just gone off to… to commune with nature. You know, the way elves could if they were like, forest creatures."
"Conspiracy to conceal?" asked Tracey frowning "When did you eat a law textbook?"
"Funny story" started Ron.
Much later, Dobby reappeared, with a little white dust on his tea-cosy. "Dobby regrets delaying his guiding, but Dobby had a little job to do."
"– And anyway, in the end Harry and Hermione took the Hippogriff and rescued Sirius Black with it, and he rode it off into the sunset" finished Harry "Which was annoying as I'd written eight feet of parchment for the appeal. Still… the best precedents I could find weren't that good. It would have needed a pretty sympathetic hearing – though these days I wonder if just going after Malfoy for failing to obey safety instructions in class would have been better."
Tracey Davis blinked "You're… you're like mini-version of Dad telling me all about his latest incredibly boring case. Are you going to be a lawyer then, after Hogwarts?"
"Nah. Auror" said Ron. "At this rate, with the way we keep having dangerous adventures, I'll have me hand in for their selection trials no problem."
"I always thought Gryffindors were reckless" said Lily Moon "Not... prepared to spend months cramming obscure laws to try and get a homicidal Hippogriff off."
"It's not Buckbeak's fault" said Ron "It's a well established legal fact that Hippogriffs attack when mistreated."
"You should have led with that, and gone after Malfoy." said Tracey. "Hi Dobby, let's see that tallest tower shall we?"
As they headed for yet another staircase, Sally-Anne Perks said "Well, I think it was terrifically brave to try. Though I'm a bit concerned that every time we hear a Harry Potter story, there's always nearly lethal adventures."
"So far so good," said Ron. "I'm not going back into the forest again though. Last time we only got out on sheer dumb luck."
A very confused, somewhat surly Harry Potter, sitting on a large dusty old crate, was confronted by three Slytherin girls, and Ron.
"Mate?" asked Ron, "You have to come with us. It's fairly urgent."
"Is Hermione all right?" asked Harry, getting up quickly and knocking the box over. Underneath was a school trunk labelled 'D. Ashe.'
"Trunk," said Ron.
"Somebody's trunk" said Tracey.
Harry turned around and jabbed his wand at the trunk, which opened when he pulled on the lid.
A pile of sheets of parchment covered anything else in the trunk.
"This is someone's trunk" said Harry.
"D. Ashe's trunk," said Sally-Anne. "I think their name is on the remembrance scroll in the common room."
"The what?" asked Ron.
"It's a list of everyone who went to Hogwarts and was in Slytherin." said Sally-Anne. "There are Perk's… but mum said in her letter they didn't seem to be relations."
"Dobby should put the unclaimed lost property in the room of lost things. Dashe can come and get his trunk."
"Um, considering his name's got a snake by it, he won't be coming" said Sally-Anne "A Snake by your name means you're known to be dead."
"Dobby must move a trunk" said Dobby. "Dobby could take it to the room of lost things, and Harry Potter could go there and find it."
"Can't we skip that?" asked Harry.
"The trunk is labelled with the students name, and the house-elfs will take the trunk to their bed at the beginning of term, if the trunk is at Hogsmeade, and take the trunk to Hogsmeade, if the student leaves for holidays or at the end of term, whichever comes first" said Dobby.
Harry poked his wand at the trunk and muttered 'Colorvaria!" and the white paint of the name went black to match the trunk.
"Oh, a trunk with no name on it" said Dobby "What will Dobby do?"
"Um, Dobby, could you put that trunk by my bed?" asked Harry.
"Harry Potter should put his name on his trunk. Harry Potter should not have more than three trunks, or Harry Potter will go on the list, like angry loud voice girl."
"Pansy's got three trunks, a travel-case and a portable dresser," said Tracey, "which considering we all wear school uniform is totally pointless."
"Not that you're implying that's what the house-elves call her," said Harry sarcastically.
"Course not." said Tracey. "She'd get Milly to stick my head in the loo."
"She really does," said Sally-Anne, "Oftener for me."