Harry was even more confused when Ron led him to the infirmary "Ron you should have said!" he said, and started jogging.
Everyone struggled to keep up with Harry, who burst into the Infirmary. Hermione took one look at him, raised her wand and cast "Stupefy!"
Harry landed on his face, and from the sound, his glasses broke. Again.
Ron arrive panting, a bit later "Hermione?" he asked.
"It seemed prudent to skip explaining" she said.
"Oh, he got a trunk," said Ron, "Coincidentally."
"And a broken nose, I suspect." said Daphne Greengrass. "How do you treat people you don't like?"
"Well, Lockhart's in St Mungo's permanent spell damage, Quirrell's dead," said Ron, "But it's mostly accidents. Oh, and Fudge had Fake Moody given the Dementor's kiss."
"Well I'm not bad-mouthing him where he can find out, ever" said Daphne Greengrass.
Ron rolled Harry onto his back, then levitated him onto a bed. Daphne Greengrass even fixed the bleeding from his nose with an 'episky.'
Madam Pomfrey eventually arrived with a stretcher floating along, and on the stretcher, looking half mummified, lay Professor Dumbledore. Snape was holding position alongside the stretcher, casting spell after spell, mostly silently.
"Why's Potter in a bed?" asked Madam Pomfrey, sounding like she was very busy. She cast another spell on Professor Dumbledore, said 'Gripe-water' and a bottle of potion appeared in her hand moment later, which she poured into Professor Dumbledore.
"I was worried he might run off" said Hermione "It's just a stunning charm."
"Do try not to get into the habit of stunning men so they can't run off, Granger." said Professor Snape snidely.
-==0==-
Harry had to spend nearly the entire rest of the week at St Mungo's, in the end.
Madam Pomfrey said that not only had he not been vaccinated, but the nearly lethal accidents for five years had meant some of his organs had dangerously high levels of curse residue.
On Saturday Madam Pomfrey came over to the Gryffindor able to say that Harry was in the Infirmary for Ron and Hermione to visit immediately after breakfast.
He was still in a charmed sleep.
"I thought you'd want to be here for this" said Madam Pomfrey, and she poured a drop of potion into Harry's mouth. He woke up, blinking.
"Did anyone get the number of that lorry?" he asked. "Ohhh. I feel terrible."
"You're all right!" said Hermione loudly.
"You've looked Better" said Ron.
"Good news, Mr Potter" said Madam Pomfrey "The healers have managed to almost completely reverse the effects of several episodes of exposure to dark magic. And made remarkable progress in healing the injury your heart suffered from the Basilisk venom."
"But… Fawkes cried…" said Harry, yawning.
"That stopped you from dying." said Madam Pomfrey "You took some damage to the heart-valves and major arteries. That's all fixed right up, you've got the heart of a fifteen year-old again."
"But. I am fifteen!" said Harry.
"We could have taken your heart and shown it to people as an example of a heart from a very active sixty-year old," said Madam Pomfrey, "Obviously we wouldn't as you're using it."
"Yeah" said Harry, grimacing. "Anything else?"
"You got your vaccinations for Vanishing sickness and Dragonpox. You should have got those before you came to Hogwarts. We'll be asking your family to explain that."
"Oh. They don't do anything to do with magic" said Harry casually.
"You could say that again," muttered Ron.
All was well.
Well, except at Number four Privet drive, where things had gone horribly wrong. All the plasterboard had mysteriously come off the walls, and every gutter had twisted up like spiral pasta.
-==0==-
On Sunday afternoon, Harry was accosted by Slytherins. Well, Davis and Greengrass. He was trying to get any assignment (charms as that was easier) done by Monday.
"Potter" said Daphne Greengrass "You got vaccinated?"
"Yeah. And some other stuff" said Harry distractedly, looking in a textbook.
"Anything interesting?"
"Nothing that makes sense." said Harry. "I mean, what does dreaming you're a jellyfish even mean? I dropped divination, so I don't have the textbook. Tryna get the Charms assignment done."
"What about me?" asked Daphne.
"Well, as fas as I can work out, this is basically a prophecy,right?" said Harry "So regardless of what I do, it'll happen."
Daphne Greengrass huffed.
"What my colleague means," said Tracey, "is you need to ask her to Hogsmeade – it's in two weeks."
"Eh. Sure" said Harry awkwardly.
"Clearly you lack motivation" said Daphne. "Stand up?"
Harry cast a shield and stood up.
"A shield?" she said "You cast a shield?"
"Bokes mention you might have hexed the odd bloke" said Harry.
Daphne Greengrass walked over and kissed Harry Potter on the cheek. "You will have asked my by Saturday week, or you will suffer my wrath."
Harry lifted a finger to interrupt, sighed, and said "Daphne, would you go to Hogsmeade with me?"
"Yes I would. Ten o-clock." she said. "See, that was easy."
Harry sat down and stuck his head in the textbook.
"Charms assignment" said Tracey. "He needs to work in his charm."
"Ugh," groaned Harry, "Somebody stop her."
"Come on Tracey," said Daphne lightly, "Professor Snape's assignment isn't going to write itself."
Harry collapsed into his textbook. "Somebody kill me" me muttered dramatically.