But I wanted a Pony.
Chapter 25: But… think of the unreality.
Cassiopeia Potter-Black stepped out of a slight fissure in the universe, dripping glowing blue motes. She let the button go, and the gap closed, leaving her on the rarely used sixth floor east corridor of Hogwarts… hopefully if she understood the dials, on a weekend in mummy and daddy's fifth year at Hogwarts.
She took out the marauders map, and swore that she was solemnly up to no good. It took her a little while to find daddy – so she proceeded down the corridor, and ducked into a disused classroom.
After folding and unfolding the map for ages, she finally found him, out on the quidditch pitch. By the way his feet were zooming about, he must be flying. As was Ginny Weasley – from the Harpies. And that would probably mean he was on his Firebolt… Caph set off to see if daddy really was that good at Quidditch when at Hogwarts. Adults did tell a lot of lies, in her opinion.
As she walked, she deactivated the map and stowed it in her robe pockets – space expanded by mummy. Her shoes tap-tap tapped down the stairs, and she wondered if she'd need a cloak. Hopefully it wasn't raining.
She went out the front doors, and into a surly grey sky. It wasn't raining.
When she got down to the Quidditch pitch, there was an entire team wearing Gryffindor red flying – Ginny Weasley, looking oddly childish, but with her distinctive red hair was flying chaser. Uncle George and Uncle Fred were both flying as beaters.
But flying in lazy figure eights above all of it was a ludicrously boyish midget daddy. He looked like a weedier Al, really.
Caph sat down on the nearest bench seat to wait, and instead of the practice continuing, daddy arrowed down on his broom in a blur, stopping in a rush with the nose of his broom nearly vertical. He frowned at her through wonky looking glasses.
"Oh." he said "It's you." He spun the broom one hundred and eighty degrees and shot upwards, stopping closer to the team.
"We're stopping. Stuff I have to deal with" said daddy loudly, but he sounded so… young. Then he did a … back-flip! He'd told all of them that they were under no circumstances to ever do a back-flip on a broom, but he did, corkscrewed and returned to land next to her in little more than two breaths.
"Cassiopeia" said daddy, rather unexpectedly "Fancy seeing you here." He slung his Firebolt over his shoulder and headed off towards the castle "Come on. I haven't got all day" he added.
Caph followed someone who… could be her father in this alternate reality up to the castle. He led her round the stairs, down the back stairs, and into the easiest to get-to dungeon room. He closed the door firmly, and cast a charm on it with a muttered incantation. Then he turned to her.
"Why are you here again?" he asked.
"Again?" asked Caph "I haven't come here before."
"Your name is Cassiopia Black, you purport to being visiting from Beaubatons" said mini-Daddy. He was her own age, and Altair really did look like daddy, only less weedy. And he sounded oddly peeved.
Caph smiled "That's me" she said.
"You're actually my daughter, time travelling to make sure I marry your mother sooner" said daddy, narrowing his eyes.
Caph's smiled became a little forced. She sighed "Well, practically." she said.
"I took Daphne Greengrass to Hogsmeade." said Harry Potter.
"Oh. Good. You're dating" said Caph.
Daddy stared at her a little more intently than was really comfortable "You have her nose" he said "And my eyes."
"I am quite aware who I look like" said Caph. "So… a Cassiopia Black has already come to see you?"
"Took me to see Greengrass in the library." said Harry. "And yet… you're here."
Caph waited. Daddy said nothing, then asked "So, evidently, there's some problem with my dating Daphne Greengrass, and it all takes a lot longer to get married than anticipated?"
"Um" said Caph awkwardly. She hadn't expected daddy to know who she really was, for one thing. And why would another Caph have come here?
"At this point, if you were telling the truth" said Harry Potter "I'd be able to reassure you that I'm getting on rather well with Daphne Greengrass. Not that you'd be conceived at Hogwarts – but I don't see any reason to give up on a girl that's that good a kisser."
Caph let out an involuntary 'ugh.'
For some reason, that made Harry smile faintly. "You aren't quite the same as her."
"Well, obviously, I've got green eyes" said Caph.
"No, the Caph I met earlier this year" said Harry "What's the deal?"
"Um" said Caph.
"Try being honest?" asked Harry Potter, in a tone that was pure Daddy being 'so disappointed in you.'
"I'm not your daughter" said Caph "Not… this Daphne's daughter either. I'm from a um, different universe."
"A different Universe?"
"Well, it's a lot like this one" said Caph. "Only my parents – Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass, they started dating because um…"
"Go on" said Harry.
"Because Cassiopeia Black took Harry Potter to see Daphne Greengrass, and… said she was cousin from France."
"And you're not her, and not from France."
"We have houses in France." said Caph. "We live in Oxfordshire, of course."
"Oxfordshire?"
"Of all the family houses, it's the one with central heating" said Caph. "Grimmauld place is very cold, and mummy rented the Potter cottage to muggles."
"Hang on?" said Harry "You're from a universe where your parents got together because… another Cassiopiea Black arranged for them to meet like you did."
"Well, um, yes" admitted Caph, feeling her face flush.
"Your ears are faintly pink. How many Harry and Daphne's have you visited?"
"Um" said Caph "One."
"This one."
"Well, two counting this one" admitted Caph.
"And… your father isn't going to come and find you sometime soon?"
"No, I made sure my rat-fink brother was distracted. He 'accidentally' got bobotuber pus on himself and is in the hospital wing."
"You… put bobotuber pus on your brother?" asked Harry, frowning in a very 'daddy's not impressed way.'
"It's not like he won't get better" said Caph hurriedly.
"You're a menace." said Harry Potter, "If you were my daughter, I'd ground you like the old Harry I met did."
Caph shook her head "Daddy wouldn't… he's a big softie."
"God. You're so bloody sure of yourself." said Harry angrily. "How about you go home to whatever universe you live in. I've got a lot on this year, and on top of all of that, I now have a posh girlfriend who expects chocolates and snogging."
"That's mummy all right" said Caph. She stopped and thought "Snogging? You said kissing?"
"Kissing leads to snogging." said Harry Potter. "Surely you've seen your parents kissing."
"When have I not," muttered Caph. "They've got a wedding photo taken at Grimmauld place where daddy grabs mummy very … indecently and they snog. Why nobody's taken it down for being obscene, I don't know."
Harry Potter snorted. "Good to know some things never change" he said. "You – go home you little… menace."
He frowned "How many other universes are there?"
"Like I know" said Caph sulkily "I just pinched Uncle Theo's universe jumper and went to make sure mummy and daddy get together – "
"Uncle Theo?"
"He's like, this technical whiz. He was just so boring till Aunt Astoria funded his hobby project."
"Boring?… and that's Theo Nott, married to Aunt Astoria?"
"Oh god no!" exclaimed Caph "He's married to Aunt Hermione. Aunty Astoria was like single forever till she married Uncle Michael."
"Hermione…. Granger married Theo Nott?" asked Harry Potter, scratching the hair on the back of his head "He's in Slytherin, and is one of Malfoy's Hanger-ons."
Caph shrugged "The only Malfoy I know is Aunt Astoria's old mother-in-law, but she's in Azkaban – something about the war."
"Astoria Greengrass married Draco Malfoy?" asked Harry.
"Well only on paper." said Caph. "He died in Azkaban."
Harry Potter's face went quite slack. "Died in Azkaban?" he asked, and swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing.
Caph sighed and recited "Aunt Astoria funded the Draco Malfoy memorial medical centre at Azkaban," she paused, "I think mummy or daddy chipped in to help build it."
Harry swallowed. "Right" he said, and sighed "Wasn't 'Uncle Theo' on the Death Eater side?"
"Um… his Father died" said Caph. "And there are hardly any paintings of Nott's in Nott hall these days. Aunt Hermione has started collecting old muggle paintings. They don't move, but some of the one's she's got are quite good. Well, for ten minutes. Then she's all 'This is a very influential artwork you know – then there's a lecture."
Harry snorted. "That's Hermione" he agreed. "When did she start collecting paintings?"
"Um… this year" said Caph, "We had a day there after daddy's birthday, before the start of term."
"And you swiped the jumper" said Harry.
"Don't be silly. I flooed over while they were both at work on August thirtieth." said Caph.
"Surely it was locked up" said Harry dismissively.
"Oh but a lot of locking spells unlock if you just ask nicely." said Caph. She hissed out "$open up$"
"You… used that to unlock a?"
"Magically locked safe" said Caph "If it had been a muggle one, that would just open to an alohomora."
"I take it Aunt Hermione and Uncle Theo don't know you can open their safe?" asked Harry.
"I'm not telling them. If one of my younger siblings ruins it for all of us, well that's on them. Hopefully they'll get grounded, not me." said Caph.
"Younger siblings?"
"Um" said Caph.
"How many siblings?"
"Ten" said Caph very quietly. "It's just it was twins then quintuplets twice. Aunt Hermione suspects daddy's spell for making mummy's pregnancy not… involve swelling up like a balloon makes quintiuplets."
"Pregnancy spell?" asked Harry Potter, looking a bit paler all of a sudden.
"Pregnancy easing spell. Mummy goes on and on about how us two were done the boring, painful way, and the quints – both sets were done with a family magic spell. It's one of our um… Slytherin spells." she added quietly.
"Like the one for period pain?" asked Harry.
"Gods, I have earned so many favours casting that in dorms" said Caph. "Mummy had words with daddy when I started bleeding – 'no daughter of mine is going to suffer' she said."
"So… he taught you that one?" asked Harry.
"Won't let any of us read the letters and stuff. But we get that spell, and the boys are apparently getting taught it if they get a serious girlfriend who has a tough time of it."
"The boys?"
"Well, not my brother, obviously. There's no way he's ever getting a girlfriend. He's an idiot."
"How... many brothers do you have?"
"Counting Al, five."
Harry gaped for a bit "Seven Daughters?"
"We have to share rooms. It's abuse."
"Share rooms?"
"We don't get our own rooms anymore. I have to share with Hesper, which is a blatant attempt to put a spy in my room."
"Right" said Harry Potter, "This is definitely a Daphne problem."
"You can't just… make this her problem!"
"No, you see so far I've learnt a lot about your future, in addition to the handy little cheat-sheet you… well another of you gave me. It's working out really well… so far. She knows all the people you've been talking about, and I definitely am not letting you go without seeing her … she's currently convinced you're … other you's her daughter, and the whole predestination thing's weirding her out."
"But not you"
"I'm used to weird things."
Harry paused "Micheal who?" he asked.
"Corner"
"Oh… figures" said Harry.
"What why?"
"He's in Ravenclaw like your um… grandfather. Astoria could go for … what does he look like grown up?"
"He's taller then you, and um."
"Not as thin" said Harry Potter deadpan.
"I seriously don't see why my father's supposedly the handsomest wizard alive. Uncle Michael's much better looking" said Caph.
"Well, from what you've said Daphne finds him ignorable in the future." said Harry.
"Oh merlin. As if MY mother would look at another man than my father" said Caph, rolling her eyes "My grandmother's just as bad."
"Fancies me does she" said Harry sarcastically.
"Ugh. God. Your sense of humour hasn't changed a bit" said Caph "No, she says Cryus Darlink" and strokes Grandpapa's shoulders."
Harry snorted, and fought a grin, eventually schooling his features. "Does she. How Very interesting." he said.
"It's not like grandmama never yells at him. She has a whole other bedroom for sulking in. " Cassiopia looked thoughtful "Mum does have a room of her own at Grimmauld place too, but that's because it's the 'done thing' according to Grandpa Sirius."
Harry's face lifted into a smile "What's he like to you lot?"
"Busy. He married this witch from Boston and she insists he spends months at a time over there… with her family."
"He got married" said Harry "Brilliant."
"Great-Aunt Violetta says we're awful" said Cassiopia. "How I'm expected to control ten younger siblings… so she redecorated Grimmauld place and Alexander … I'm pretty sure it was Alexander drew on the wallpaper."
"And?"
"Well, mummy won't have a bad word said about Alexander… so it must have been my fault. Have you ever tried to control five five-year olds? They're little monsters. And I'm not supposed to do magic out of school, so how am I supposed to stop them? You've got to remember the quints – the older ones were all thirteen and running around like nutters exploring the house… just because it had been redone. Lots of light coloured chalk paint and potpourri."
"So Sirius doesn't have children?"
"Well, he adopted you, isn't that enough? And Aunt Violetta is pretty old – she's got to be like… his age, so older than daddy but younger than grandpapa Cyrus. And come to think of it, we had a fiftieth birthday for Grandpa Sirius. Uncle George put two hundred and thirty candles on the cake, and without careful use of the flame-freezing charm, it would have burnt the house down."
"two hundred and thirty?"
"Dog years" said Caph.
"My um, grandparents had my dad when they were in their sixties." said Harry.
Cassiopeia rolled her eyes "I know that, of course. The whole memorising the family tree thing… daddy says it's not important, then mummy lifts one eyebrow at him, and he caves. Every time he caves. One measly lifted eyebrow?"
Harry dispelled the charm he'd put on the door and headed off down the corridor.
"Did mummy teach you where the common room door was?" asked Caph.
"No, I've known since second year" said Harry casually. "Sneaked in using polyjuice to question someone."
"Where does a second year get polyjuice?"
"Hermione made it" said Harry blandly.
"Ugh." said Caph "Your friends are really annoying."
"Successful" said Harry.
"Not compared to mummy" said Caph.
Harry stopped at a stone wall and just hissed briefly; the wall opened into the Slytherin Common room, all black leather couches, dark green lampshades and cosy little nooks for board games. He walked in, letting Caph follow.
"Just… $open$?" she said. "That's stupid."
"Oh come on, the Chamber of secrets uses it. What did you expect" said Harry.
"Says the boy who doesn't know about using $open up$"
"Yeah whatever" said Harry.
He looked around, finding someone , and heading over to the girl with wavy hair reading 'What Broomstick' magazine.
"Tracey" he said.
"Pot- Cassiopia Black?" exclaimed Tracey, dropping the magazine "You came back? Aren't you Grounded?"
"Where's Daphne?" asked Harry.
"You could use the map" said Caph.
"This way is more fun." said Harry.
"One of the Seventh years is going to lose it, the way you just come in like you own the place" observed Tracey.
"$We bow to no-one$" hissed Harry, "It's practically the family motto."
"$It is the family motto$" hissed Caph indignantly.
"Hush" said Harry. "That's not the point. The point is winding up certain people."
"POTTAH!" shouted Draco Malfoy, fluttering into the room from the hallway leading to the boys dorms "Get out of our common room!"
"Look Malfoy" said Harry, barely concealing a smirk "It's not my fault the password's easy to guess."
"That's Draco Malfoy?" asked Caph, looking at the approaching Draco, in full flustered ferret mode. "What on earth did she see in him?"
"Who can say." said Harry.
"Hellooo" said Draco Malfoy in a pathetic attempt at a purr.
"Fuck off, or I'll hex you in the bits" said Cassiopeia. "And if you're lucky it'll be something Madam Froud can undo."
"It's Madam Pomfrey" said Harry casually. "Malfoy, my … cousin. Also Greengrass's cousin. And you would not believe how protective Daphne is of Cassiopeia."
Draco stopped in mid-step, turned around and walked away.
"Patronus moment" said Harry.
"Potter" said a girl's voice form behind Harry.
"She's right here isn't she?" asked Harry. Cassiopeia nodded.
Harry turned "Daphne" he said "Look who turned up unexpectedly."
"Did I just see Malfoy attempting to talk to Cassiopia?" asked Daphne
"I did say you were very protective of your …. cousin." said Harry.
"Right." said Daphne, taking two deep breaths "Why are you here again?"
"That's complicated." said Cassiopeia.
"It really is" said Harry. "Come on, we need to talk this through."
Harry and Daphne and Cassiopeia went to a disused dungeon classroom with oddly well dusted desk-tops, and Daphne locked the door and charmed it.
"Explain, please…. Daughter?"
Cassiopeia explained about multiple universes… and just wanting her parents to be together.
"But if you're not the original one… was the one that came to see us the original one?" asked Daphne.
"We're this one's second visit" said Harry.
Daphne frowned "If each one visits, on average, two universes.. there are more universes with us at least dating, than not."
"Doesn't there being an infinite number of universes complicate the maths?" asked Harry.
"If the jumper can access an infinite number of universes" said Daphne. "How does it work?"
"I have no idea. You set the dials with when, and there's a lot more dials for which universe, but those dials don't have click-stops." said Caph.
"Well, there's your infinite dials" said Daphne. "I have a nasty feeling that infinity times anything is more than infinity."
[AN: Mathematicians will talk for hours on the subject of infinities, and how many there are. Let's just say that not only is Aleph-null the smallest countable infinity, it's the basis of a drinking song for computer scientists based on ten green bottles, but rather more… devastating to the brain and liver.]
"Hang on… if each Caph makes two Caphs…." said Harry "Don't we end up with infinite Caph's and not a single universe without Harry married to Daphne?"
"I'm sure there would be some complications…. You might have died from reckless adventures, for example," said Daphne.
"Or be a complete git." said Caph.