The Sharuby Saga 2nd anniversary special

by Albertson

To celebrate the 2nd anniversary of both YSGH's story 'This Will Be Our Year' and the launch of the Sharuby ship, we bring you the Loud House Love and Marriage show. The couples Luanny, Ronniecoln, Saluna and Sharuby answer questions about their lovelives, with hilarious results. Will be uploaded in two parts.

1. Sharuby 2nd anniversary part 1

Love and Marriage: Loud House style: part 1

It was late into the evening hours, and the audience had filed in. The Love and Marriage game was a staple on this cruise liner, and it was always a smash hit. Four married couples come up on stage and answer questions about their love-lives, and the answers nearly always resulted in humiliating stories being shared in front of hundreds of guests. This game was a guaranteed laugh, and the couples featured would become well-known for the rest of their vacations. Once everyone had been seated, the game would begin.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to our Love and Marriage game show, where if you're not red in the face by the end, we will refer you to our ship's doctor," the announcer introduced. Then the opening theme from 'Married with Children' starts playing over the speaker system. Once the music had stopped, the announcer spoke again. "Without further ado, please welcome your hosts for tonight; Albertson and Grace!" the announcer finished the opening introductions, and two well-dressed hosts came on stage.

"Thank you everyone, for coming out tonight. It is always a privilege to host this game. It is one I hold so dear to my heart, and never fails to get a laugh out of me," Albertson kicked things off.

"Hold on, Albert, this is my first time doing this. How embarrassing does this get?" Grace asked.

"For us? Not at all. For our participants, that's up for debate. Speaking of our couples, are they ready yet?" Albertson replied.

"Yes. I just finished getting them ready. Waiting on your word," Grace answered.

"Let's not keep them or the audience waiting. All our couplings hail from Royal Woods, Michigan. Any other Michiganders in the audience?" Albertson queried. A good chunk of the audience cheered and clapped. "Good, good, you might know these people, then. Our first couple tonight is a blending of two cultures. Always a good thing to see diversity here. Please welcome Lincoln and Ronalda Loud!" Albertson beckoned for Lincoln and Ronnie Anne to come on stage and take their seats. They smiled and waved awkwardly at the audience before sitting down on some armchairs. Grace then approached the pair.

"Tell us about yourselves?" Grace requested.

"Well, as Albert said, I'm Lincoln Loud and this is my wife Ronalda, although she prefers to be called Ronnie Anne, or mi chula," Lincoln replied.

"Only by you," Ronnie Anne interjected.

"Anyway, I'm a jack of all trades. I do art commissions, I run a video game commentary channel with Clyde, and I am available to do magic performances," Lincoln summarised his occupation.

"Impressive. That'll make your resume nice and chunky. What about you, Ronnie Anne, what do you do?" Albertson inquired.

"I am a waitress at Lincoln's dad's restaurant, though he tells me I could end up running the place when or if he retires, which, given the fact he recently became a grandfather, may be soon," Ronnie Anne responded.

"Don't count me out just yet," Lynn Sr. remarked from the audience.

"Hmmmm, have you two ever considered working on a ship like this one?" Albertson cheekily probed.

"And be away from our friends and family? Thanks, but no thanks," Lincoln dismissed.

"Well, I had to try. Anyway, couple number two is a first for this show. They are one of two same-gender couples we have on this show. Everyone, give a big hand for Luna and Samantha Sharp!" Albertson beckoned the two wives Luna and Sam Sharp to take their places on stage.

"This is a first for this show?" Grace queried.

"Yeah, in my time watching and hosting this show, I have never seen an LGBTQ+ couple on stage. The captain and the event staff consider this an experiment," Albertson notified.

"Well, look at that, we're making history," Sam remarked.

"Beats being Lisa's lab rat, again," Luna joked.

"OK, ladies, tell us about yourselves," Albertson continued.

"Sam and I are both educators. I teach a music tech course at the local community college. Palling around with Chunk and recording my own music taught me a lot about computers, speakers, and all that other stuff, so once my rock-star dreams faded, I thought I should share what I knew to other aspiring stars," Luna replied.

"I teach a slightly lower age bracket how to play instruments as a music instructor. During off-term hours, I also help out at an animal shelter. I am also contemplating whether or not to get a full teaching qualification so I could join Royal Woods High as a music teacher," Sam outlined.

"We also used to have a band with our friends Mazzy and Sully called the Moon Goats, but as we grew up, life took us in different directions, so we parted amicably. We still get together to hang out and play recreationally, but we don't do gigs anymore, except on special occasions, like Linc and RA's wedding," Luna concluded.

"The song you chose to play was perfect. I'll never forget it," Lincoln complimented.

"Only the best for my bro," Luna responded.

"I'm sure it was, or will be once you get around to writing it, Albert," Grace commented.

"Enough with the meta humour, Grace. You have two couples to introduce," Albertson replied.

"Alright, alright. Next up, we have a couple of comedians, a pair of pranksters, please welcome Luan and Benjamin Stein!" Grace introduced Luan and Benny Stein onto the stage, the former looking about six months into her pregnancy, as they took their seats. "Oh, I see we're welcoming three people on stage with this one," Grace added.

"Thanks. The family insisted we go on this cruise together before Benny and I sign eighteen years of our lives away to this little munchkin. The sooner she's out, the better. I look huge," Luan stated.

"You still look amazing to me, Luan," Benny complimented.

"You are still psyched to become parents, aren't you?" Grace probed.

"Oh, totally. We can't wait to meet our little girl," Benny answered.

"She'll be the bell of the ball. Aside from being expectant parents, what is it you do?" Grace asked.

"I host a current affairs show called Mad Takes, where panellists give witty remarks and comedic takes on the news. It mostly comes down to which of our guests makes the GOP madder. It's a lot of fun," Luan described.

"Is that a private party or can anyone join? I have a fair few things to say about those self-serving a-holes," Grace queried.

"Put your name down, I'll see if I can find you a spot," Luan invited.

"Excellent. What about you, Mr. Stein?" Grace quizzed.

"I've always had a knack for spotting and encouraging talent, so I became an agent. Not for any big stars, but I've gotten budding actors hired for stage productions, independent movies, small productions, but I am aiming bigger," Benny explained.

"Always nice to have dreams, or help people achieve theirs," Grace commented.

"You can say show-business runs in our blood. Luan and I met in school drama club, and some of my best friends were in that same club. All the world's a stage, you know," Benny added.

"Just don't go in the supply closet when the door's shut," Luan advised.

"Why not?" Grace asked nervously.

"You'd rather not know," Benny cautioned.

"High school kids and enclosed, dark spaces? Yeah, I'd rather not, but thanks to Albert's writing, I do anyway. I know what Amy and Rex did in there, but the audience doesn't," Grace rebuffed.

"It wasn't just them. Benny and I have taken stock at least once, but only as a make-out spot. We never did anything too M-rated in there," Luan clarified.

"Grace, I am this close to starting a 'meta humour' jar," Albertson warned.

"It's what I'm known for. Anyway, we saved the best for last. Couple number four is the piece de resistance, the crème de la crème, the stars of the crop. Please welcome Ruby and Shannon Tannenbaum!" Grace ushered in the final couple of the night. Ruby and Shannon Tannenbaum then came on stage and took their seats to roaring applause. Ruby waved eagerly to the adoring crowd, while Shannon merely raised her hand awkwardly.

"Good evening, everybody. It is so great to see all your adoring faces," Ruby greeted.

"Hi, everybody," Shannon added awkwardly.

"Still as shy as ever, I see. Brace yourself, it only gets worse from here. Tell us about yourselves, ladies," Grace calmed ineffectively.

"I'm a family lawyer by practice. I specialise in custody battles, will readings, and adoption support for same-gender couples. I am well-versed in all legal matters, so I can also handle criminal cases, though this is not my area of expertise," Ruby outlined.

"So, you could help Luna and Sam adopt a child if you wanted to?" Grace probed.

"Could I? Yes. Would I? That's up for debate, considering our history," Ruby answered.

"Sheesh, you spy on people stripping down when you're a teenager and suddenly everyone holds a grudge," Luna remarked.

"How would you feel if people peeped on you and Sam getting it on?!" Ruby argued.

"Enough. This is a reminder to all guests that housekeeping does daily checks on all rooms for bugs," Albertson defused the growing tensions.

"As for me, I'm a family counsellor. I have a doctorate in Child Psychology and Behaviour, and I am readily on hand to help with youth mental health issues. Because of…. personal experience, I specialise in helping young LGBT people gain acceptance amongst their peers and family, as well as providing a judgment-free zone for all my patients to communicate their troubles," Shannon exposited.

"Although she herself may not be prepared for what she hears in her office," Luan quipped.

"Legally, I cannot disclose what is said in my office without the consent of the patient or a legally binding warrant," Shannon disclaimed.

"Save the stories for the questions. It'll be more fun that way," Grace put pause on this topic of conversation.

"Yes, of course. Alright, couplings, let me tell you how this works. Grace and I will ask you a series of questions regarding your marriage, and you reply with your answers. You can be as PG-13 or R-rated as you like, no holds barred. There are no winners or losers, just good old-fashioned fun," Albertson briefed.

"Yeah, at our expense. It seems like you pulled us out here to reveal saucy details about our love-lives to a bunch of strangers for them to get a laugh out of, or other things," Shannon responded. She glared at Lynn during the last part.

"OK, one, I agree with Shannon. No winners or losers? That sounds lame. At least throw in a prize for whomever dishes the spiciest answers. Two, that was one time," Lynn rebutted.

"You were pleasuring yourself watching us make out!" Shannon exclaimed. The other Louds looked at Lynn with expressions that said 'really?'

"What can I say? I liked what I saw," Lynn deflected.

"Well, we won't have any of that in here. Because we are hosting two same-gender couples, two inter-faith couples, and two inter-racial couples, I have had to increase security in case any Bible-bashing conservative types try to barge in here and start trouble. To that extent, I have invited my good friend Annie, her twin sister Delilah, and their respective lovers to oversee this event and make sure all goes smoothly," Albertson explained. He then gestured towards a young, blue-dressed, brunette-haired woman with the name tag 'Annie', her twin sister, who dressed in black and red and had blonde hair. Beside Annie was a young man with ink-black skin and eight green eyes to match his hair, although this was magically concealed to make it look like he had only two, so as not to freak everyone out. Beside Delilah was a woman dressed in icy blue.

"Thanks for getting us front-row seats, Albert. Hopefully this will be as good as the one we hosted together," Annie responded.

"Least I could do after you were such a gracious host. I hope Delilah, Shawn, and Crystal enjoy the show," Albertson replied.

"If it's anything like the playback Annie showed us, this will be good," Delilah said eagerly.

"Why, were you looking for ideas to spice things up between us?" Crystal teased.

"I might be. The way Annie tells it, Ruby and Shannon are quite the thespians," Delilah answered.

"Oh, if you like them, I have a video I can show you," Lynn offered.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Luan, Benny, Ruby, and Shannon yelled out loud.

"Alright, alright, sheesh, never let me have any fun," Lynn scoffed.

"Let's just start," Grace interjected.

"Good idea. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, as the most prominent ship on the show, you'll answer the questions first, followed by Luna and Sam, then Luan and Benny, and finally Ruby and Shannon. Remember, don't hold back. We'd be saddened if you did," Albertson instructed.

"Wait, I thought Lori and Bobby were the most prominent ship in our show," Lincoln questioned.

"They couldn't be here, owing to them having their son Arthur to take care of. Trust me when I say babies and cruise ships do not mix well," Albertson notified.

"Besides, most fans think Lori and Bobby are too over-the-top, especially in the early seasons" Grace added.

"Yeah, I can see that," Ronnie Anne conceded.

"Anyway, first question is; name one of your spouse's possessions that you would throw out, given the chance," Albertson asked.

"Wow, you are seriously asking us to give answers that will banish us to the couch for all eternity, aren't you?" Lincoln countered.

"A little context. Normally, we ask husband/wife-specific questions on this show. However, since we are hosting two same-gender couples, to keep things fair, we ask both spouses every question," Albertson clarified.

"That makes sense. Alright. If I had to pick one item, it would have to be, and I'm being practical when I say this, the mini fridge she keeps in our room," Lincoln answered.

"Seriously? The mini fridge bothers you?" Ronnie Anne wondered.

"It doesn't bother me too much, but when we're...you know, intimate, it does bring down the temperature, if you know what I mean," Lincoln replied. Ronnie Anne nodded in affirmation.

"Yeah, I get it. I mostly kept that thing because it was a gift from Abuelo when I moved in, but I've noticed the chilling effect it has as well. OK, when we get home, we're moving it to the kitchen," Ronnie Anne agreed.

"Thanks, mi amor," Lincoln said gratefully.

"Sheesh, you two are really wanting to take 'shakin'-n-bakin'' to a whole new level, aren't you?" Grace commented.

"Not all of us are covered in blubber for warmth," Ronnie Anne shot back.

"Well played, Ronalda," Grace conceded.

"It was great when Luna and I had a mini fridge in our room as kids," Luan recalled.

"For real, a chill spot for my stash of brewskis of the root beer variety," Luna added.

"And where I could store my cream pies... and I'm not talking about the ones Benny and I make!" Luan implied. The audience laughed at Luan's innuendo, while Grace just facepalmed.

"Thank you so much for killing my sweet tooth, Luan," Grace said sarcastically.

"Really, Luan?" Albertson asked in an exasperated tone.

"This is kinda your own fault, Albert. You did say 'no holds barred'," Grace observed.

"Yeah, give us Louds a little freedom and we take a lot more. You should know this by now," Luan added.

"Let's just move on. OK, same to you, Ronnie Anne, what possession of your husband's would you throw out, given the opportunity?" Albertson directed.

"That's a tough one. I can't say his video games, art stuff, recording equipment or any of his magic gear because he needs all of those things for work. I can't say his Ace Savvy costume either, because that's great if we want to roleplay... you know... in bed," Ronnie Anne listed all the items Lincoln had in his possession she could consider for her answer.

"I can sympathise with that," Shannon interjected, recollecting her and Ruby's roleplaying bed sessions rather fondly.

"However, one item I wouldn't mind throwing in the trash is the lava lamp on his bedside table," Ronnie Anne concluded.

"That was a moving in gift from Lynn. I can't throw that out," Lincoln defended.

"Considering what she was busted for, I wanna throw that thing out even more," Ronnie Anne argued. Lynn looked hurt by the insinuation.

"Hey, I didn't put a hidden camera in there. Mine and Luna's voyeurism days are done. Finito. Over," Lynn assured.

"If it makes you feel any better, I could inspect the item in question and see if there is any hidden recording equipment on it," Lisa offered.

"Why, so you can plant your own? No thanks," Ronnie Anne declined.

"What are the police for these days?" Albert remarked.

"Besides, I'm sure the only lava Ronnie Anne wants in her bedroom is the white-hot kind that erupts within her from the peak of Mt. St. Lincoln," Grace joked tactlessly. This garnered him a bunch of awkward, uncomfortable, and disgusted stares.

"Wow... even I wouldn't have went there!" Luan scolded.

"Mmmmmm you sure about that, Luan?" Grace replied back in kind.

"I feel violated," Ronnie Anne disclosed.

"You feel violated? I feel violated!" Lincoln confirmed.

"Alright, fine. If that was too uncouth or inappropriate, all Albert has to do is tap the backspace key a bunch of times, and this all magically disappears," Grace recanted.

"Oh no, I'm keeping this in. I'm sure Anonymous in particular would love to see this stuff come out of your mouth," Albertson rebuffed.

"Yeah, he would," Grace remarked.

"In all seriousness, anyone caught committing voyeurism on this ship will be made to walk the plank…..literally," Albertson warned.

"Wait, you actually make people walk the plank on this ship?" Luna quizzed.

"It hasn't happened so far, but we do keep a wooden plank on board for just such an occasion," Albertson replied.

"Or, failing that, I throw people off myself," Grace added.

"Anyway, it is time for couple number two to answer this question. Sam, Luna, name one of your spouse's possessions that you would throw out, given the opportunity," Albertson queried.

"I would have to say Sam's music box. I swear those creepy doll faces designed on that thing are eyeballing me," Luna answered.

"Hey, that was a coming-out gift from my grandma," Sam argued.

"Actually, I'm on Luna's side on this one. Those three can tell you, music boxes are bad news," Albertson gestured towards three women in the audience, one Thai, one American, and one Taiwanese.

"Yeah, last music box I found sent me and my friends to the land of frogs for five months. Toss that thing out," Anne Boonchuy urged.

"And I personally hate those overly sappy tones they play. Seriously, are they meant to make me cry or yawn?" Sasha Waybright commented.

"Although, the adventure the music box sent us on helped us grow as people. Maybe it can do the same for you," Marcy Wu reasoned.

"I doubt this music box is a device capable of inter-dimensional transport, but I share Sasha's aversion to their tones," Albertson calmed.

"Back on topic. For me, given the chance, I'd throw out anything Luna uses to record videos. Ever since she dragged me to Dr. Tannenbaum's office, she's been trying to convince me to let us make a sex tape," Sam said.

"We could watch it back and review each other's technique. It worked so well for Lincoln and Ronnie Anne," Luna suggested.

"Yeah, up until Lynn keeps badgering me to let her watch it," Ronnie Anne spilled the beans on Lynn's request.

"Come on, I just wanted to know what my brother was getting on a regular basis," Lynn countered.

"Gross," Lincoln reacted.

"I'm surprised anyone in this family would even be down for any kind of sex tape after that strip poker in the basement incident," Grace commented. Luna rolled her eyes at that statement.

"No one's ever gonna let that fly, are they?" Luna groaned.

"Can you blame us?" Luan interjected.

"This is what you get when you play Peeping Tina," Albertson stated.

"Yeah, and who wrote that scenario?" Luna pointed out.

"Luna makes a good point, Albert. They are all but powerless against our story-writing powers," Grace backed Luna up, in a surprising turn of events.

"Is that why Luan hasn't forgiven you for 'The Missing Loud'?" Albertson retorted.

"Speaking of Luan, would you and Benny please enlighten us as to which of your spouse's possessions you would throw out, given the chance?" Grace redirected.

"Her whoopie cushions. I mean, she hasn't done children's birthday parties in years. I really don't see why she keeps those," Benny answered.

"Because they're a classic! And who knows, our little one may want to follow in their mother's footsteps one day, they'll make a one-of-a-kind family heirloom!" Luan defended.

"They'll be SOME kind of family heirloom," Benny rebuffed.

"Considering what you used to be like on April Fool's Day, I'm a little concerned about your daughter following in your footsteps, Luan. I do hope you plan to teach her when to rein it in," Albertson said out of extreme concern.

"Yeah, me too. We do not want a mini-Saw villain running around," Luna referenced.

"Ditto," the rest of the Louds echoed.

"Be fair. After that incident with the Order, I packed in my April Fool's rampages," Luan pleaded.

"Come now, dear, it's only fair that they have concerns. Rest assured; we will not teach her any extreme pranks. Only the basic stuff, which they will probably learn from Aunt Ronnie anyway. I hear she's already taught Arthur some of her tricks," Benny said calmly. The Louds then glared at Ronnie Anne, who chuckled awkwardly.

"Yep, guilty," Ronnie Anne confessed.

"So, Luan, same question; what possession of Benny's would you throw out if you could?" Albertson brought the conversation back on topic. Luan gave her signature evil laugh upon being asked this, which made Benny very nervous.

"Oh-ho-ho, I know EXACTLY what I would throw out. All of those mechas of his!" Luan eagerly answered. Benny flew into a panic.

"NOOOO! My babies!" Benny exclaimed in a tone that reminded the Louds of Lynn Sr.

"Not anymore, daddy; you've got the real thing now! Besides, you gave those things their own freakin' room! We could use that for a guest room for when we have company over," Luan proposed.

"Since when does anyone ever stay overnight at OUR house? Not to mention all the clams I have invested in my mecha collection!" Benny argued.

"Yeah? Well, MY clam ended up investing in something a little more valuable. Besides, that's not a bad idea, you could get a hefty amount for that collection; babies get awfully expensive, you know?" Luan countered.

"Sheesh, all this talk of clams suddenly has me in the mood for a clambake..." Grace pined.

"No, don't!" the Louds tried to warn Grace, but it was too late. Lynn Sr. already got into his chef's outfit and oven mitts.

"Shall I head down to the galley and whip up a batch of my famous Lynn-guine and clams for everyone?" Lynn Sr. offered.

"No, our galleys are for catering staff only, and no, we are not hiring. On the topic of throwing stuff out, I believe you both make excellent points. Luan, I would think that, given your experience with Lily, that your pranking supplies can be very dangerous in the hands of a small child," Albertson recalled.

"Really? Whoopee cushions aren't going to kill anyone," Luan argued.

"I'm talking about the retractable boxing gloves, the hand buzzers, and don't get me started on the things that small children can and will put into their mouths," Albertson clarified.

"Oh alright, you've made your point," Luan relented.

"Same to you, Benny. I don't have experience with mechas, but they are comprised of many tiny pieces, are they not? Tiny pieces children can easily swallow or choke on. Something to think about in the last three months of Luan's pregnancy," Albertson cautioned. Benny sighed heavily.

"Fine, I'll pop by the collector's store when we're finished with this cruise. Anything he gives me will go to the baby's college fund," Benny conceded.

"Excellent. Last, but not least, Ruby and Shannon, name one of your spouse's possessions that you would throw out, given the chance," Grace asked of the last couple.

"Shannon's still got like umpteen million packages of seeds she's had since she still lived at home that she never does anything with," Ruby answered.

"I may still plant them one day. I miss having my own garden," Shannon replied.

"Hun, you work full time, when are you ever gonna have the time to grow and tend a garden?" Ruby refuted.

"Well, I may retire one day, and I'll need a hobby," Shannon countered.

"That's still way into the future. You're not even thirty yet," Ruby argued.

"I like to be prepared for the future rather than just fly by the seat of my pant suit," Shannon responded.

"Was that a dig at me?" Ruby shot back.

"Not all, love. And if there's one thing of Ruby's I'd throw out, at the risk of sounding like I'm parroting Luna, she's got this massive bobblehead collection she keeps in a case in our bedroom, it can be quite unnerving," Shannon calmed.

"Not ALL of them are super creepy," Ruby defended.

"But it feels like they're watching us while we're doing our business," Shannon disclosed.

"It's not like they come to life like Andy's toys," Ruby compared her bobblehead collection to the characters from Toy Story.

"Ah yes, I remember that meme... insert obligatory, 'My childhood has been raped' comment here," Grace joked.

"Would it help if I turned them all around before we go to bed?" Ruby offered.

"Maybe... not really... no, it wouldn't," Shannon politely declined.

"Come to think of it, will any of us be able to sleep peacefully ever again?" Grace asked grimly.

"Oh, don't tell me you were one of those kids that would burst into their room suddenly, hoping you would catch your toys coming to life," Albertson guessed.

"Don't tell me you didn't," Grace rebuffed.

"If my childhood toys came to life, they would try to kill me because I kept chewing on them," Albertson confessed.

"What a nice segue into the next question. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, name your spouse's worst habit," Grace masterfully cued Lincoln and Ronnie Anne into the next question to be asked of the couples.

"We weren't even in 'Force of Habits' and you want to put us in that limelight?" Ronnie Anne asked.

"Neither were Luan and Benny, yet we are going to ask them this same question," Albertson retorted.

"OK, then I guess it would have to be over-planning every date we have. At times, I'm convinced Lincoln has OCD," Ronnie Anne theorised.

"What can I say? I'm the Man with a Plan," Lincoln bragged.

"True, but you spend half the time on our dates making sure everything goes to plan that I think you don't have enough time for me," Ronnie Anne vented. This made Lincoln think for a few seconds. It is true what Ronnie Anne said. He spends a lot of his energy making sure each date with Ronnie Anne goes well, that he is nearly spent when it comes to his partner.

"I...see. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I didn't realise I was affecting you that way. Maybe I could learn a thing or two about going with the flow from that one guy in the sweater-vest," Lincoln said remorsefully.

"You mean the walking disaster area?" Ronnie Anne recalled.

"Yeah, him. Milo, was it?" Lincoln replied.

"Milo Murphy? If you like, I can give you his contact details, though his mobile is likely to be underwater," Albertson offered.

"Or on fire," Annie interjected.

"Or both," Delilah added.

"Yeah, on second thought, Linc, you might want to learn a thing or two from somebody else. You know, you have a number of sisters who are gifted in improv," Grace commented.

"Yeah, I could certainly help you hone your IMPROVE-isational skills," Luan joked.

"If all else fails, you could go back to shaking things up when you were convinced you were Mr. Predictable," Grace suggested.

"How unlucky is this Milo Murphy guy?" Sam inquired.

"Very. Back on topic, when it comes to Ronnie Anne's worst habit, I would have to say that she sometimes thinks about sex more often than I do," Lincoln revealed. This garnered some puzzled looks from Albertson, Grace, and Benny.

"Isn't that a good thing for you?" Albertson queried nervously.

"I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't in public places. For example, we would get popsicles at the Great Lakes Amusement Park, and she would go out of her way to lick them slowly while I was watching. Or when we went to the water park. We were floating down one of those slow canals you ride on inflatable dinghies. We would be making out, when suddenly, her hand is on my crotch, sometimes even down my swim trunks," Lincoln clarified.

"Again, I don't see what the problem is," Albertson replied, still confused as to Lincoln's predicament.

"Me neither. It's not like anyone in your family is averse to getting kicked out of somewhere or doing it in a public place. I'm looking at you, Lynn!" Ronnie Anne deflected.

"Nothing like the rush of almost getting caught with your shorts down to get the blood pumping," Lynn responded.

"This is your legally obligated reminder that public fornication will result in both parties walking the plank and being permanently banned from our cruise line," Albertson disclosed.

"While what you say is true, Ronnie, sometimes I'd like to enjoy the date and let what happens come after," Lincoln stated.

"Sap!" Lynn called out from the audience. Ronnie Anne sighed heavily, reflecting on her lust-filled actions.

"I guess I have been a little too broody. To be honest, I've been doing all that because... well... I'd like to have a child with you, Lincoln," Ronnie Anne revealed. Now it all made sense to Lincoln, although if Ronnie Anne wanted a family, she could've said something instead of risking an indecent exposure charge. The audience collectively 'awwwww'd upon hearing Ronnie Anne's wishes.

"Oh... I get it. That thought has been rattling in my brain as well. I too would like nothing more than to start a family with you, Ronnie," Lincoln confessed. Ronnie Anne breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.

"Maybe when we're done here, we can..." Ronnie Anne said flirtatiously. Lincoln held up a hand to stop her train of thought.

"Say no more, I'm all yours for the night," Lincoln assured. The audience then collectively 'oooooooo'd.

"If you like, I can help time your fertility cycles," Lisa proposed.

"No," Lincoln and Ronnie Anne flatly declined together.

"Oh, come on. At least let me monitor the pregnancy, should your efforts be successful. I did help Lori keep an eye on Arthur in utero, after all," Lisa bargained.

"Since you're not going to stop pestering me, I suppose we could," Lincoln allowed. Lynn Sr. could not hold in the floods of tears any longer and had one of his famous emotional outbursts.

"D'oh, it's happening! It's finally happening! My only son's going to be a...a...a FATHER! OHHHH, MY ONLY SON'S GOING TO BE A FATHER! I couldn't be a prouder papa!" Lynn Sr. vented. He was crying so much, Mr. Grouse, who was sitting next to him, had to put up an umbrella.

"Meh, aren't we already surrounded by enough salt water?" Grouse groaned.

"Errrrr, could the waiting staff get that guy some more water? He's losing precious body fluids," Albertson instructed.

"It's fine, he does this all the time," Rita assured while seeing to her husband.

"I should probably make an appointment to talk about that guy's emotional issues, but the last time I had him in my office, I ended up in the foetal position in my own waiting room," Shannon remarked.

"That wasn't the Pop-star's fault," Luna defended.

"Oh, I know whose fault it was," Shannon recollected.

"I wouldn't want you to break doctor-patient confidentiality on our stage, Dr. Tannenbaum, so I'll ask the next couple. Luna, Sam, tell us your spouse's worst habit," Albertson inquired. This got confused looks from Luna and Sam.

"Dude, we already did 'Force of Habits'. Please refer to that for the answer to this question," Luna referred.

"Enlighten us anyway, for those that haven't seen the episode yet," Albertson urged.

"You're seriously asking us to give spoilers? Fine. In short, I would say Luna turning anything she can get her hands on into improvised drumsticks. She doesn't even play that instrument in our band," Sam disclosed. Luna nodded in affirmation.

"It's kinda instinctive. I don't know why I do it half the time," Luna divulged. Cogs started turning in Shannon's head.

"That may be indicative of stimulatory behaviour associated with ADHD or an autistic spectrum disorder. If you like, I can evaluate you in my office," Shannon theorised.

"That reminds me. Didn't you once tell me your family thought Lisa was autistic?" Sam recalled.

"The jury's still out on that one," Luna replied.

"I thought we concluded that I was gifted, not autistic, when the family had me tested," Lisa called out from the audience.

"I regret not following up with that specialist from Detroit," Rita mumbled under her breath.

"Anyway, Luna would say my worst habit was my indecisiveness, which I'm still struggling with. It took me fifteen minutes to agree to be on here," Sam confessed.

"I can help with that, too," Shannon offered. Luna gave a 'seriously' look in Shannon's direction.

"You are seriously all in on plugging your practice, aren't you?" Luna asked.

"Hey, I need the business," Shannon rebuffed.

"At least you're both honest about your flaws and accepting of each other regardless," Albertson summarised.

"That's what married life is like," Sam said matter-of-factly.

"True," Albertson agreed.

"Anyway, Luan, Benny, it's your turn. Name your spouse's worst habit," Grace guided.

"Y'know, I've heard from a very reliable source that Kevin Sullivan is a big shipper of ours... you'd think he would've included us in 'Force of Habits'," Luan mused.

"And ruin Benny's Mr. Perfect status?" Grace remarked.

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or insulted," Benny responded.

"Grace, I read the Mr. Men books as a child and Benny looks nothing like Mr. Perfect," Albertson compared.

"Although, if you squinted at Little Miss Princess, she looks a lot like Lola," Benny joked.

"Have you been reading those books we've been buying for our child in secret, Ben-ben?" Luan teased.

"Like you haven't?" Benny retorted.

"OK, you got me. But seriously, Benny could've really used a fidget spinner when those were a thing, because he's always fiddling with his fingers" Luan replied.

"Occupational hazard from building mechas for so many years. All those teeny-tiny, microscopic details require a LOT of attention," Benny confessed.

"Luan, the last thing the world needs is for the fidget spinner fad to come back from the dead. It came, it went, the world carried on, let's leave it at that. Please tell me you did not get one for your child, or intend to in the future," Albertson insisted.

"Of course not. What am I, a monster?" Luan confirmed.

"You really don't want us to answer that," Luna rebutted.

"Woah, as you would say, dear sister, way harsh. But Benny's habit gives me another valid reason to get rid of that collection of his," Luan rebuked.

"Oof! You are so vicious!" Benny pretended to be hurt by Luan's words in jest.

"A mama grizzly, is she?" Grace joked badly, to which Luan chuckled in order to play along.

"Yep! And Benny just has to grin and BEAR it!" Luan punned. Benny and Albertson sighed heavily, clearly not amused by Luan's joke.

"Okay, that brings me to Luan's worst habit," Benny segued. Luan raised an eyebrow in response to this. "Don't get me wrong, I love her sense of humour, she cracks me up like no one else... but, she doesn't HAVE to make a joke about EVERYTHING," Benny added.

"You're right, Ben-Ben, I don't have to make a joke about everything... just about most things," Luan countered.

"See? She's going at it again. You do remember this is what nearly got you fired from the Burpin' B. that summer," Benny recalled.

"Oh, Benny, you still have a bee in your boxers about that?" Luan joked.

"Can we move along please, or else, we're going to be here all day," Benny returned the remark. Luan chuckled at Benny's comeback.

"Not a bad idea, Benny... besides, we don't have a B-roll we can cut to, anyway," Grace agreed.

"Should I ask what happened at the Burpin' B?" Albertson inquired.

"She handed out fake dog poop to everyone who ordered a number 2, gave customers cans filled with spring-loaded snakes, and told knock-knock jokes at the drive-through," Benny recollected.

"Ouch. That is not something I'd put on a CV, Luan," Albertson advised.

"May I remind you, Ben-ben, just who it was that had orders to fire me, but instead sent me on wild goose chases all across not only Royal Woods, but the next town over. But you did come up with the idea to make me a sign flipper out front, so you made up for it," Luan finished the story.

"I guess that's when I realised that finding people their ideal jobs was my calling," Benny surmised.

"We all have that epiphany sometime in our lives. Last couple. Ruby, Shannon, tell us your spouse's worst habit," Grace guided.

"Pretty sure you already covered this one, Grace," Ruby observed.

"Point taken, but again, so the sake of clarity for those who may not be in the know, please enlighten us," Grace requested.

"Shannon's a mouth-breather, and her wheezing is not that pleasant listen to. Neither is her snoring," Ruby disclosed.

"In my defence, I was born with sinus problems. I do what I can to treat it so my mouth-breathing doesn't bother Ruby, or anyone else who can't stand to hear it. I use nose spray if I have to, and I'll apply a nasal strip to my nose before bed to reduce as much of my snoring as I can, but that's about the best I can do," Shannon explained.

"I know she can't help it, but I also know she tries, so I also try my best to not let it bother me too much," Ruby acknowledged.

"I've been there, Shannon. I once had a nasal infection for two months in the winter. Could barely breathe out of my nose without nasal spray. I feared I could end up addicted. But the condition improved over time, and the strips really do help at night. You'll be pleased to know the ship's pharmacy keeps a ready supply of both at a reasonable price," Albertson sympathised.

"Failing that, I can always invent a special mask for you to wear to help ease your breathing," Lisa offered.

"No thanks, Lisa. Rubes married Shannon Tannenbaum, not Darth Vader," Shannon declined.

"Yeah, you really don't want to be Vader's wife, Ruby. It doesn't end well," Albertson agreed.

"As for Ruby, when we were teens, she very much talked like a stereotypical valley girl who said 'like' all the time, but just the same, she really worked on it," Shannon brought the conversation back to topic.

"Speech therapy really helped, even though it nearly took Judge Stein to get me out after I made enough progress," Ruby recalled.

"How so?" Grace asked.

"Funds. The more people they have in speech therapy, the more funds they get from the government, so they wouldn't discharge me, even though I obviously didn't need it anymore," Ruby answered.

"That's bureaucracy for you," Grace commented.

"Why didn't you tell us about this program when we were teens? We could've put Leni in there," Luna probed.

"Because we were still mad about your peeping on our strip games, Luna. Did you know it took us nearly two weeks to talk to Luan again and hear her out?!" Shannon shot back.

"Hey, she had no part in that!" Luna argued.

"We didn't know that! And we were too mad to give her a chance to talk! Amy also wanted to bust down your door and break your legs!" Ruby countered.

"Besides, the fees are ridiculous. I doubt your family could afford it," Shannon eased tensions.

"OK, fair points," Luna conceded.

"While we're on the subject of people we don't always get on with, it is time for the next question. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, tell us which member of your spouse's family you would not want to be stranded on a desert island with," Albertson segued.

"That's a toughie, because I get along with all the Casagrandes, but I would pick Carl for this one. He'd probably spend all the time complaining that I would resort to cannibalism pretty quickly," Lincoln answered.

"Hey! I'm sitting right here!" Carl interjected. Ronnie Anne, however, had a different reaction.

"I don't blame you. I hear that's why Adelaide dumped him," Ronnie Anne agreed.

"IT WAS MUTUAL!" Carl protested.

"Sure it was," Lincoln and Ronnie Anne responded simultaneously and sarcastically. "Speaking of Adelaide, are she and Lana in this audience?" Lincoln asked. Lana and Adelaide raised their respective hands.

"Present," Lana and Adelaide acknowledged.

"Be sure not to have too much fun on this cruise, and also, thanks for supporting Lana when she and Skippy broke apart," Lincoln advised.

"No problem. I'll always be there for my girl," Adelaide replied. Lana shot a loving smile at her girlfriend. She remembered how hard it had been when she went to Great Lakes University to study Veterinary Science while Skippy, her then-boyfriend, stayed in Royal Woods to qualify as an auto mechanic. Unlike Lori, Bobby, Lincoln, and Ronnie Anne, Lana and Skippy's relationship could not survive the distance. The break-up was mutual and the two still remain good friends. Adelaide herself had been in a relationship with Carl, but his get-rich-quick schemes and scams were too much for her to handle. Unlike Lana, Adelaide wouldn't get a clean break from Carl, who would also keep tabs on her 24/7 and had quite a jealous streak. Their break-up was loud, messy, and confrontational, but it was the wake-up call Carl needed to change his ways. Lana and Adelaide were working at Great Lakes Zoo when they struck up some conversations, and after finding themselves greatly enjoying each other's company and confessing mutual attraction, the two embarked on a romantic relationship that has been going strong since.

"If there was a member of Ronnie Anne's family you would want to be stranded on an island with, I bet it'd be C.J., I'm sure he could figure a way off of the island," Grace theorised.

"He did get his imagination and problem-solving skills from Abuelo's side of the family," Ronnie Anne stated.

"Here's hoping he didn't inherit your Abuelo's gossiping habit," Albertson replied.

"Oh, no way. C.J. doesn't go around telling stories like Abuelo used to," Ronnie Anne assured.

"OK, Ronnie Anne, your turn. Which member of your husband's large family would you not want to be stuck on a desert island with?" Albertson asked.

"That's another hard one. Lincoln told me about the time he and his family got stranded on a desert island after renting a boat from Flip, and all of them displayed remarkable survival skills. However, going by practicality, and my patience levels, I would have to say Luan," Ronnie Anne answered. Luan was shocked by this answer.

"What? Why me?" Luan interrogated.

"I could only take your puns and Mr. Coconuts 2 for so long before I threw you into the ocean with large rocks tied to your feet," Ronnie Anne bluntly replied. Luna clapped along with this answer.

"Good call. She was supposed to help with the distress signal, but instead made that coconut doll. It took all my willpower not to beat her over the head with it," Luna recollected.

"If it's any consolation, Luan, I would not eat you," Ronnie Anne eased.

"Some comfort," Luan rebutted.

"One can only hope there is no more talk of cannibalism from the other couples when they answer this question," Albertson stated.

"Dude, you wrote half these answers," Luna pointed out.

"Yeah, in my defence, while Grace and I were planning this, I was writing 'Dark mind' at the time, and that story featured a marauding ape army that ate their kills," Albertson justified.

"Shall I book you in for an appointment to discuss just what goes on in that head of yours?" Shannon offered.

"Thanks, but no thanks. If you peeked in there, you'd swear never to practice therapy again. Let's just move on. Sam, Luna, your turn, which member of your spouse's family would you not want to be stuck on a desert island with?" Albertson declined.

"It's a toss-up between Lynn and Lola. While Lynn's physical prowess could help with fighting off hostile wildlife and/or cannibalistic natives, her attitude leaves a lot to be desired, and Lola, her spoiled brat-like nature would make me want to eat her first," Sam responded.

"So much for 'no more cannibalism'," Albertson lamented.

"Just be aware Lola kicks back a ton of candy every day, so eating her would make you susceptible to diabetes," Luna informed.

"Yeah, and just you try and eat me!" Lynn goaded.

"Enough with eating people. This isn't Venom," Albertson referred.

"For me, it would have to be Sam's brother Simon. We'd need survival skills, and high scores in video games do not translate well to needs such as food foraging, finding drinkable water, and building shelter for the nights," Luna gave her answer to the question at hand.

"Yeah, fair enough. My folks tried to get him into Scouts, but he couldn't earn a single patch," Sam conceded. While she did love her brother, Sam felt that Luna had a point here.

"I could introduce him to the world of Rip Hardcore, if it'll help," Lincoln offered.

"That hack? No thanks," Sam recoiled in disgust.

"Just so you know, he is giving a talk on wilderness survival on this very ship," Albertson informed. Sam's face went into panic mode.

"Dang it, he isn't in the audience, is he?" Sam asked nervously. Albertson turned to face the audience and saw Rip Hardcore looking none too pleased at being called a hack by a random girl on stage.

"Yeah, I think he is," Albertson replied.

"Let's just move on," Sam suggested.

"Good idea. Luan, Benny, tell us which member of your spouse's family would you not want to be stranded on a desert island with," Albertson redirected.

"Luna and Lynn," Benny responded without hesitation. Luna rolled her eyes at Beny's answer.

"I saw that coming a mile away," Luna retorted.

"Context request," Albertson interjected.

"I really don't have to go into all of the sordid details, do I?" Benny inquired.

"But of course, the juicier the better," Grace encouraged. Benny sighed heavily in defeat. He had clearly hoped to give an answer and be done with the question, but as this show thrived off juicy details, Benny did his best to be as gentle as possible.

"Let's... just say... Luna and Lynn have no respect for people's privacy, and we'll leave it at that...," Benny replied. Luan, losing her patience, decided to step in.

"Luna took crotch shots of Benny, Lynn tried to get him to strip on stage while we were performing in community theatre, and they BOTH spied on us while we played strip games when we were teens," Luan disclosed. The audience's reactions could be summed up with half of them gasping in shock and the other half laughing their socks off. Benny then proceeded to bury his face in his hands.

"You had to tell," Benny groaned.

"No holds barred, Ben-Ben. Besides, even your mum found out about it, and she's a federal judge!" Luan argued.

"I know... and I didn't hear the end of it for quite a while," Benny added.

"NONE of us did, dude," Luna remarked.

"You can't hold the basement incident on us forever. You know as well as I, dear sister, that privacy is a luxury in the Loud House, so if anything, us spying on the first game was on you," Lynn countered.

"Yeah, and Lisa would've seen what you were doing down there, anyway. That is her home security system," Luna defended.

"Hmmm, now that you mention it, that would've been a fascinating opportunity to study teenage sexual rituals, purely for research purposes, of course," Lisa mused.

"Okay, before things start getting any more uncomfortable, and to stave off a potential FBI raid, same question, Luan, which member of Benny's family would you not want to be stranded on a desert island with?" Grace interjected.

"Picking up where I left off, with Benny's mum being a federal judge, it hasn't been unusual for us to be under her watchful eye after any time Benny's gotten caught up in the chaos of my family, and being stranded on a desert island with her would probably be no different," Luan responded.

"Unfortunately, she's not wrong. In some of these scenarios, my mum even began to have second thoughts about Luan being the type of lady her son should be involved with. I really had to convince her that Luan was not some delinquent who needed to be locked up in juvie," Benny clarified.

"That Loud-n-proud rep follows us Louds everywhere we go," Luan remarked.

"Yeah, because you Louds are EVERYWHERE we go!" Grouse called out from the audience.

"To this day, I count my lucky stars we didn't end up on that show, what was it called? Scared Straight? You know, that show where they put trouble-making young people in adult prison and have the inmates scream at them all day to get them to behave once they get out," Luna stated.

"That has been proven not to work, though my mum was considering signing the older Louds up for 60 Days In, even Leni," Benny explained.

"WHAT?! Leni is the purest soul you'd ever meet. No way does she belong in that scum den, not even for a millisecond! If she did that, I'd have no trouble stranding her there myself!" Luna menaced.

"One; threatening a federal judge, even in jest, can land you some serious time, so please bleep this part out. Two; I explained to my mum that Leni can hold down a steady job at Reininger's, and that Lori is in college. If need be, she would limit it to only Luna, Luan, and Lynn," Benny outlined. Luna looked insulted at having been singled out like this.

"Maybe we should tell Her Honour about everything Lincoln did. He snuck into a theatre showing of The Harvester, bought scalp tickets to a SMOOCH concert, and broke into Grouse's house to get his sled back one Christmas," Luna ranted. Grace could sense the growing tension, and he intervened to defuse the volatile situation.

"Before this devolves into a shouting match, let's ask our next couple. Ruby, Shannon, please tell us which member of your spouse's family you would not want to be stranded on a desert island with," Grace eased.

"I love Ruby's family, the Patels are such pleasant people, I can't think of any of them who would be unpleasant to be stuck on a desert island with... if anything, they'd probably have the know-how to turn the entire island into a thriving beach resort," Shannon answered.

"She's not wrong... but I know exactly who I wouldn't want to be stuck with from Shannon's family... her grandparents... especially her grandparents from her dad's side of the family... if anything, I'd hope they'd get stung by a bunch of jellyfish, drown, then get devoured by a swarm of hungry sharks!" Ruby seethed.

"Wow! A bit harsh, don't you think?" Grace asked.

"No! It's too good for the likes of them!" Ruby raged. Shannon placed a hand on Ruby's shoulder to help calm her wife down.

"Please, dear, please...," Shannon pleaded for her wife to calm down.

"Oookaaay... um, let's just move on then," Grace suggested.

"Agreed. This sounds like a sore subject. Moving on. The next question is a cheery one. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, tell us how your spouse proposed," Albertson queried. Noting that Ruby had calmed her rage, Ronnie Anne spoke.

"I'll never forget it. Lincoln took me to the same place we had my Quinceanera. He danced the same dance we had that day, the first dance of my womanhood. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, got down on one knee, and asked for my hand," Ronnie Anne recalled.

"One date I didn't over-plan, in retrospect. Lori cried so much, Bobby told us Arthur came home looking like it had just rained," Lincoln added.

"Yeah, what is it with your relatives having the ability to literally cry me a river?" Grace questioned.

"I don't know, but I think Todd was the one who summed it up best when he said our family keeps getting weirder," Lincoln answered.

"As if it wasn't already weird enough," Grace remarked.

"And you got that from an expert on the subject," Ruby observed.

"You wanna see someone who can cry enough tears to power a hydro-electric dam, try watching Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man," Albertson suggested.

"Maybe later, if it's showing in the ship's cinema. Luna, Sam, how did your spouse's proposal go?" Grace directed.

"Like I could ever forget. Luna took us to the lake where we first sailed together as part of the Astonishing Quest we did on our first date. We were sitting by the coast, watching the sun go down, when she pulled out her guitar and started singing me this awesome love ballad. At the end, it contained the lyrics "Sam Sharp, will you marry me?" and she pulled out the ring, and at that moment, the answer was obvious to me," Sam recollected.

"Some of my finest work," Luna bragged.

"We camped out under the stars that night. Pitched up a tent, spent the night, truly romantic," Sam concluded the story.

"Most couples spend their engagement night in a hotel, but I guess it pays to bring your own love nest," Albertson commented.

"It was an impromptu thing, plus it also helped that we forgot to bring night-clothes," Luna added.

"Not that we needed them," Sam hinted.

"I'm sure you didn't. Luan, Benny, how was your proposal?" Grace asked.

"You mean you don't know?" Luan replied in a state of shock.

"Well sure, I know, but for the benefit of our audience and those who are out of the loop, and for the sake of continuing our little game play, please do enlighten us," Grace responded.

"Okay... because it went viral and everything," Luan said.

"Proceed," Grace urged.

"I was reporting for Mad Takes, and Benny came up to me, live on the air, got down on one knee, held up a ring box, and had the control room display, 'LUAN LOUD, WILL YOU MARRY ME' on the screen," Luan told her proposal story.

"And she burst into tears on live TV," Benny added.

"Because I thought it was all some sick joke!" Luan rebutted. Benny sighed heavily.

"Yeah, in hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea to plan my proposal on April Fool's Day," Benny admitted.

"You seriously proposed to her on April Fool's Day?!" Grace quizzed in disbelief.

"In my defence, it is her favourite holiday, and I thought proposing to her on her favourite holiday would make the occasion something extra special for her that year," Benny justified.

"Once you explained it to me like that, I couldn't stay mad at you," Luan finished the tale.

"What can I say? I'm a fool for you!" Benny punned.

"If I were grading proposals, I would give you an A for creativity, but a D for timing. The only reason it isn't an F is because, as you say, April Fool's Day is Luan's favourite holiday," Albertson assessed.

"Whereas I would give the engagement night an A+. Overall, Benny aced this test with flying colours," Luan complimented.

"A+, huh? I'm aiming for A*!" Ronnie Anne challenged.

"I know this game is no holds barred, but I have been told by event staff that we can no longer ask our couples how they would rate in bed, no matter how tempting it may be, for the sole reason that we kept getting noise complaints from the cabin neighbours of the participating couples that implied they were trying to up their scores," Albertson disclosed.

"Buzzkill!" Lynn called out from the audience.

"Coincidentally, all our ships have undergone a refit so that the walls can better block out sound," Albertson notified.

"For which our guests are grateful. Last couple. Ruby, Shannon, tell us how your spouse proposed," Grace segued.

"PLEASE don't make us answer this one," Shannon begged.

"No need to be shy, Shannon, this is all about sharing embarrassing stories, all we're doing is just humiliating you in front of an entire viewing audience, nothing to be ashamed of," Grace pressed.

"It's not that these are embarrassing stories, more that they're... kind of... sordid...," Shannon clarified.

"Good! The juicier the better! Wait... stories?" Grace replied.

"Depending on who you ask, I apparently proposed to Ruby twice," Shannon revealed.

"So, should I ask Ruby about that, then?" Grace probed.

"Please do! Okay, so the first time was when we were eighteen, and Shans was hosting a big slumber party at her house... one thing led to another, and Shans told me she wanted to save her purity for her wife... well, after we took each other's flowers, I knew she wanted me to be her wife, so I accepted her proposal," Ruby disclosed. Shannon groaned in response.

"It was a matter of principle! But... I caved... I mean, there was Ruby... in my bed... lying next to me in all her naked glory... and seeing that gorgeous, gorgeous body of hers for the first time... I couldn't control my primal urges any longer. I got caught up in the heat of the moment... and... whatever other heat I was in...," Shannon vented.

"Lucky for you, I can totally handle the heat, you hotsy-totsy, you," Ruby complimented.

"Is this a cruise ship or a kennel for depraved horn dogs?" Grace wondered. At that point, Luna and Luan started barking, yapping, and panting like actual dogs to get Grace's goat.

"Down girl! Down girl!" Benny playfully commanded.

"Roll over, Beethoven!" Sam also commanded of Luna in a similar tone.

"That wasn't a REAL proposal, though... I knew I had to marry Ruby since she deflowered me... but, I didn't propose for real until much, much later, and it was hardly a romantic or happy occasion," Shannon recalled, sounding sad rather than elated to relive a proposal story.

"Yeah, she came home from therapy, fell to my feet, and was crying her eyes out asking me to marry her," Ruby remembered.

"Sheesh, do things really get that intense in your office, Dr. Tannenbaum?" Grace queried.

"I wasn't in practice yet... I was IN therapy... for MONTHS... after my grandparents deceived and betrayed me... they never approved, not of my sexuality, and especially not of my relationship with a non-Jewish woman... I hoped they would come around like my aunts and uncles eventually did, and I thought they finally were... they said we'd be going on a reconciliation retreat... but after I got on the bus and they said they'd be behind on a seniors bus, I had a sickening feeling in my gut that something wasn't right... next thing I knew, I had been transported to a conversion camp," Shannon painfully recollected, the memories sending shivers down her spine.

"They messed her up so much at that conversion camp, even after she was rescued, she couldn't even sleep in the same bed, let alone be intimate with me for MONTHS. It was super frustrating at first, and I didn't think Shannon would ever be normal again... but I realized that even if she wasn't, I couldn't lose her... not again... I was willing to live without intimacy in my life if it meant I didn't have to live without Shannon in my life altogether," Ruby recalled.

"Ruby was my biggest support during my personal Dark Ages... when I FINALLY started to make progress in therapy, I realized then more than ever how much I needed Ruby in my life... forever... and, she's right... I was in such an emotionally fragile state when I came home that day, I just fell apart, but I just had to ask her to marry me," Shannon concluded the sad tale.

"I would've said yes no matter when, where, or how she asked me... my heart said yes even when she first teased about us getting married when we were still dating as teens... she was my wife in my heart long before we exchanged our vows and rings," Ruby asserted. The usual laughter and occasional wolf-whistling associated with this game vanished. The audience was dead silent when they heard this. No-one expected such a tale to come out of a fun, albeit embarrassing game such as this. Even the other couplings were shocked. Luan and Benny more so, because they never expected Shannon to tell of this time again.

"I'm... speechless... I... I don't even know what to say," Grace broke the silence.

"Now you understand why we have such contempt for her grandparents! They can burn in hell for all I care!" Ruby responded with hatred not carried in her usual voice.

"Ruby, please...," Shannon pleaded.

"What? You even said in your closing statement during the trial they are dead to you!" Ruby rebuffed. Shannon could only sigh sadly at Ruby's words, for she knew they were true. Shannon did say as such in court. She couldn't even look them in the eye when the guilty verdict was passed down and the sentence issued.

"Wow... Shannon, I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear what you went through...," Grace consoled.

"It's all buried in the past... I don't wish to unload any more of that baggage, may we please just move on?" Shannon interrupted abruptly, not wishing to continue with this topic of conversation.

"Absolutely," Grace agreed.

"Yes, I think that would be best as well. Next question, and this should hopefully get the laughs back. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, tell us the weirdest/wackiest place you have ever been caught making out," Albertson requested.

"Dairyland, definitely," Lincoln replied without skipping a beat.

"Wow, no hesitation," Albertson observed.

"Can you blame him? We went on the Tunnel of Butter and, well, you know how those rides go," Ronnie Anne backed Lincoln up.

"I said 'weird/wacky', not completely normal which so happens to be a public place," Albertson reiterated.

"Normal, yes, but you didn't let her finish the story, dude," Luna stated.

"Well, I thought we had more of the ride to go, and our eyes were shut so I... kinda... took the opportunity to get a little frisky, so I stuck my hand down his pants. Unfortunately, what Lincoln noticed before I did was that I was grasping his junk in full view of his sisters that were waiting to get on, and their dates," Ronnie Anne filled in the blanks.

"As well as several angry park officials. But still not the worst thing our family's been kicked out of that place for," Lincoln concluded.

"Wow, way to throw them a BONE. It was HARD not to notice. They had a real GRIP on the situation. Luckily, we were there to lend a HAND with the get-away. Hahahahaha, get it?" Luan joked.

"I see some things never change," Albertson noticed.

"The Tunnel of Butter had to be the LEAST romantic ride I've ever been on," Ruby scoffed.

"You've been to Dairyland? I thought you weren't allowed" Grace assumed, citing Ruby's Indian heritage and her culture regarding cows as sacred.

"That's why I snuck in," Ruby responded.

"Even I was surprised when she popped up in the audience when I was Luan's Heidi Heifer "udderstudy" in A Cream Come True," Shannon added.

"Yeah, but I mean have you ever actually been in the Tunnel of Butter? It smells like popcorn in there! It drove me crazy!" Ruby recalled.

"So much we made a beeline for Benny's popcorn stand when we got out," Shannon remembered fondly to which Ruby and Luna snickered a little, and Benny sighed out of shame.

"That Dairyland uniform may have done more damage to my rep than anything," Benny lamented.

"Hey, it could've been worse. You could've been dressed in little shorty shorts and roller skates like 2D in Gorillaz's Humility video," Grace assured. This made Ruby and Luna laugh even harder, Benny's face to go all shades of red, and Luan to look enticed at the mental image of Benny in such attire.

"Thank you for that delightful mental image, Grace. Speaking of music, let's hear from Luna and Sam. Where was the weirdest/wackiest place you two ever got caught making out?" Albertson asked.

"During our high school days, we would help the music department put instruments away after school, so the teachers left us with the keys," Sam informed.

"I remember this story. Sam and I thought we were alone in the instrument storeroom, so we did our thing in there. It got so heated we started taking off our clothes, and when we were down to our skivvies, Mazzy walked in on us. You should've seen her face," Luna recalled.

"We had to clean her drums for a month to buy her silence," Sam added.

"It's cool, though. We got our own back when we caught her and Sully in one of the practice rooms," Luna rebutted, sneaking in a chuckle.

"What is it with high school students and doing that on school premises? Don't they have CCTV?" Albertson wondered.

"CC-what now?" Luna queried.

"Security cameras," Albertson clarified. Every couple now sported a look of panic on their faces. They suddenly remembered all the times they had snuck in a quick make-out session in an isolated room of the school. If security cameras had caught them, Mother Jones likely had a record of their promiscuous activities somewhere on the premises.

"Oh balls!" every couple said at once. Lynn was going to say something, but Grace stopped her.

"Lynn, I swear, if you make an arbitrary and contrived comment about how you wish you were playing with balls of any kind right now, I will personally toss you overboard, and believe me, I will thoroughly enjoy it" Grace threatened.

"You really think you can handle the Lynn-sanity, Tubby?" Lynn goaded.

"I grew up with a rough-n-tough older sister, yes, I'm sure I can stand my ground and hold my own," Grace rebuffed.

"Oh-ho-ho, it is on like Donkey Kong!" Lynn challenged.

"Violence towards our staff will result in immediate forced disembarkation, even if they did start it," Albertson warned.

"Oh, sure, side with the Anti-Innuendo Police. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of this game?" Lynn wondered.

"The innuendos are for the participants to make, not the audience. If you want to add your commentary, get a life partner and come on stage yourselves," Albertson corrected.

"Couple problems with that. One; Lynn has two regular sex partners; one man, one woman. Two; she has no plans on getting married to either of them," Luna summarised.

"Ah, an aromantic who still enjoys sexual pleasure? I guess it is a spectrum," Albertson mused.

"Can we not go down this route, again? Let's just move on. Luan, Benny, where was the weirdest/wackiest place you two got caught making out?" Grace deflected.

"Mime convention," Benny immediately answered.

"That actually sounds completely normal for you two," Grace observed.

"Not when you can only blow kisses from afar," Luan rebutted.

"Not to mention all of the invisible walls that come between you," Benny added.

"It was so frustrating, talk about a real wall banger! Hahahahaha! But seriously, a whole weekend of not being able to get down to business, we just wanted a quick smooch," Luan pined.

"Except that with Luan, even a quick smooch is a real hands-on experience," Benny punned. This elicited a giggle from Luan.

"They had a corner in the event hall sealed off with a black curtain... seemed like a private little spot we could slip into for a minute," Luan remembered.

"Except a minute became two, and two became four, and the pattern repeated itself," Benny said.

"Next thing we knew, we were surrounded by a whole camera crew!" Luan continued the story.

"Turns out that corner had been set up for the photo-ops," Benny realised.

"Something tells me that's not the first time you've been caught on camera getting carried away with your little activities," Grace surmised.

"Luckily, nobody actually took any pictures, but in response to your comment, unfortunately, no," Benny responded.

"I always did say, you ought to be in pictures!" Luan praised. Luna couldn't help but giggle at something.

"Now I can't help but picture you two getting it on in mime. That must be so awkward, doing the deed without making so much as a peep," Luna hinted.

"We use mime for foreplay all the time, but the act drops once the clothes come off," Luan disclosed. Benny's face went bright red again, while Luna laughed harder.

"Now that's the kind of physical comedy I can get behind!" Luna remarked.

"How do you think we conceived our baby?" Luan asked rhetorically.

"Alright, alright! Let's just move on. Ruby, Shannon, tell us the weirdest/wackiest place you got caught making out," Grace shut down the mime talk.

"Does Luan's basement count?" Ruby inquired.

"I don't know, nothing seems particularly weird or wacky about getting caught making out in a basement, even if it wasn't yours," Grace dismissed.

"Okay, then this happened when Shannon and I made a pilgrimage to India, where my fam came from generations ago. We were on a jungle safari and got separated from the rest of the tour group. There we were, lost and all alone, the only sign of life was a herd of elephants down at the watering hole, so we figured with nothing else to do, we might as well make the best of our situation. We sat at the water's edge, hot and thirsty, so we began to quench each other, and before we knew it, we were discovered by a film crew that was shooting a documentary about Indian elephants. They certainly enjoyed the show we had going on, they even signed us to five-year contract with a studio to make steamy Bollywood movies," Ruby spun a tall tale that Shannon was not impressed by. Grace must've noticed something was off as well, because he took a look at Shannon's face, then went back to Ruby.

"You just sat there and literally made all that up, didn't you?" Grace guessed.

"Yeah, I totally did. Hey, you wanted an answer, and it was a lot more interesting than the truth, which is... we've never been caught," Ruby admitted and bragged at the same time.

"Come on... NEVER?" Grace asked, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Nope," Ruby affirmed.

"We kept our relationship on the D.L. for YEARS, we knew not to get carried away in the event we could've gotten caught," Shannon confirmed.

"Closest we ever came was when we were necking outside Shannon's apartment door one day, then that weird neighbour of hers from across the way who had, like, a million birds in her apartment came up the stairwell with bags of birdseed," Ruby recollected.

"Oh, I almost forgot about that... but yeah, we played it cool, she didn't suspect anything. Ms. Birdwell knew I was an aspiring actress, I told her we were just rehearsing for a school play," Shannon added.

"Yeah, a catfight scene," Ruby finished.

"And she bought it. Just hearing the word 'cat' sent her back into her apartment to tend to her birds," Shannon rounded off the tale.

"Good thing your neighbour wasn't a man, because just hearing the word 'catfight' would've had him sticking around to watch for unsavoury reasons," Grace surmised.

"We've dealt with that before from others," Ruby seethed whilst glaring at Lynn, who had now lost her patience.

"You know what, I am getting pretty dang sick of having mine and Luna's voyeurism phase rubbed in our faces! We made mistakes, we paid for them, I learned something about myself in the process. That should be the end of it! Why do you have to keep holding it against us?!" Lynn ranted.

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe I should ask how you would feel at being peeped on, see if you like being best pals with the one who ogled you like a piece of meat!" Ruby shot back.

"Hasn't your wife ever told you holding grudges is unhealthy?!" Lynn retorted.

"Haven't your partners told you they're people, not sex objects?!" Ruby retaliated. At this point, Albertson had to play peacemaker.

"That is enough! You are grown adults! You shouldn't be bickering this way! Now, Ruby, I can sympathise with you not liking Lynn, or Luna, very much because of their actions. If it were me, I'd feel the same way. However, it is clear from Luna's participation in this event and Lynn's demeanour that they deeply regret their mistakes and want to put it behind them, and your constant reminders are not helping. You're not the only ones that need to heal," Albertson interjected.

"He's right, you know. Sometimes I look back on the time I had the idea to watch the strip poker game in our basement and regret that I betrayed Luan's trust in me by spying on her. I also regret bringing Lynn in on the action, but no matter what I felt then and feel now, I cannot change the past, as much as I would like to. All I can do now is work hard to make my future a bright one. I cannot do that if my past is brought up all the time. We've changed a lot since then. You don't have to like us, but we do wish that our past be buried so we can start anew," Luna begged.

"I….. guess that's fine. We did kinda get our own back with that prank we pulled, getting you and Lynn thrown in jail, hauled before a court, made to wash squad cars by hand in prison jumpsuits. That was funny," Ruby recalled.

"For you, maybe. Not so fun for us, though I guess that was the idea," Lynn reasoned.

"Besides, Rubes, Lynn is right about one thing. You can't hold this over her forever. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It's not healthy. What she and Luna did was reprehensible, no-one's disputing that, but they've moved on. So should you," Shannon advised. Ruby took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Well, they have proven themselves since, and the fact that Sam is still with Luna after the fact is a testament to her character. I think I can move on, but I have to say one thing first. After everything went down, I was so paranoid about being watched again, I couldn't initiate intimacy with Shannon for weeks. Just when I was ready, the conversion camp incident happened. That's not your fault, but you should know that first time was our only time for a while," Ruby revealed.

"I have to say something as well. Between the basement and the slumber party, it took a lot of convincing to get Benny back into bed as well, and even then, never at the Loud House. He didn't feel comfortable going over for a long time. That is the impact of your actions," Luan added. Luna and Lynn were deeply affected by these words. They had never known how their actions affected everyone else involved. It was never shared.

"Woah, sis, how come you never said?" Luna asked.

"Could never find the right words, I guess," Luan answered.

"OK, can we all agree never to mention voyeurism ever again? If it is ever brought up, we will stop this game right now. Agreed?" Albertson bargained.

"Agreed," all the couples said at once.

"Now that the impromptu counselling session is done, we can move on to the next question. Continuing our theme of weird and wacky, Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, tell us the weirdest/wackiest date you have ever been on," Albertson redirected. Ronnie Anne had a particularly juicy story in mind, though she wasn't sure it qualified.

"I wouldn't call this story weird or wacky, but it was super uncomfortable. Does that count?" Ronnie Anne inquired.

"Yes. Yes it does. We can change the parameters of the question to include 'uncomfortable' if you like," Albertson suggested. Lincoln then realised what story Ronnie Anne had in mind.

"Oh, please not this story. I still have nightmares," Lincoln groaned.

"That just makes me wanna hear it more," Lynn chimed in.

"Lincoln and I were double-dating with Lori and Bobby in the city. It was your normal affair at first; we went out bowling, grabbed some grub, then Lincoln gets it into his head that he could hustle Bobby at pool, so he tries his best, not knowing Bobby plays for the local team," Ronnie Anne divulged.

"You could've given me a heads-up," Lincoln said.

"It was funny watching you struggle, but that wasn't even the best part. We were in high school, and Bobby being Bobby, ever the curious type, comes out with the most cringe-worthy question I doubt you could get away with asking on here," Ronnie Anne continued.

"I don't know about that. You can get away with quite a bit on here," Albertson informed.

"He asked me, and these were his exact words, 'So, are you shagging my sister or what?'" Lincoln finished the story. Albertson was taken aback by this revelation.

"I will be honest, I would be surprised if someone asked that on this stage. Usually, the people we get on here have already passed that stage in their love-lives," Albertson commented. Lynn just burst out laughing.

"Boo-boo-bear actually asked you that? Oh man, that must've been super awkward!" Lynn said in between chuckles.

"We had already been bed-sharing for many years, always adhering to the guidelines Mum and Dad set when we were 12. Of course, as we got older, they allowed us to shed more and more layers, but never disrobe completely. But when Lincoln told me Bobby had asked him that, I ripped him a new one, then we did eventually end up being intimate with each other for the first time," Ronnie Anne concluded.

"And not our last, not by a long margin," Lincoln added.

"Pool hustling, eh? Something tells me that's going to be added to the list of future strip games, if it hasn't already," Grace commented.

"Strip pool, huh? Sounds intriguing, but there's only two billiard tables in all of Royal Woods. One's at the Biker Brawlhouse, the other's in the back room at the Food 'n Fuel; you wanna play pool, you're either gonna break your back, or your bank," Luan notified.

"Sounds painful either way," Grace responded.

"Ehh, what are ya talking about, breakin' your bank? Ol' Flip only charges ten bucks a shot! Five if ya miss," Flip called out from the audience.

"Why is he here? Grace wondered. Ruby was picking up on Grace's comment and had a thought.

"Strip pool, huh? That's a neat idea. We could save up for a pool table of our own. How about this; each ball sunk, the opposing player strips off one article. Any fouls, and the fouling player strips off two. Winner is whoever has sunk all their colour balls or gets their opponent nude," Ruby suggested.

"Wanna play doubles with me and Benny?" Luan requested. Luna chuckled uncontrollably.

"A double date and not only is Benny the only dude there, but he either has to strip off for a bunch of women or see them bare himself. You scored big time, Ben-ben," Luna complimented.

"Why me?!" Benny asked rhetorically.

"You do that in your own home, not on this ship, thanks," Albertson interjected.

"You can play strip card games in your cabins all you like. As for right now, we'll just move on to the next couple. Sam, Luna, tell us the weirdest, wackiest or most uncomfortable date you have ever been on," Grace advised.

"To get serious for a moment, it was when Luna and I went to our first Pride parade together as an out couple. The people there were very nice, friendly, playful... for the most part," Sam recollected.

"About half-way through, there was the usual bunch of old-timer Bible pushers holding up offensive signs saying we were 'groomers' brainwashing kids, and that we were celebrating mental illness and whatnot, usual conservative BS," Luna groaned.

"The Lord must've disagreed, because one of them was struck by lightning, another had his car stolen, and the creme de la creme was one Karen getting fired from her high-paying job because she was caught on video uttering homophobic slurs. True karma at work," Sam gloated.

"That wasn't even the best part. A gust of wind blew all their signs into a bonfire. Epic win!" Luna added.

"Mayor Davis then passed a law banning hate speech at future Pride events, punishable by up to five years in the slammer," Sam informed.

"The weirdest part was that the forecast called for clear skies that day," Luna recalled.

"You sure Lisa didn't play a role in this? She can change the weather, you know," Albertson hinted.

"There's always that possibility, but I like to think that the Almighty hates these guys as much as we do," Luna answered.

"I'm surprised your family didn't go around hunting them down," Albertson remarked.

"Who's to say we didn't?" Lincoln hinted.

"And this is why I pulled out all the stops to get the additional security this time around. Small-time thugs like those described are usually very intimidated by the sight of magical weaponry," Albertson mused.

"It's true. I pulled out my flame sword at some guy giving me and Crystal that crap. I swear he wet himself before running home crying. It was hilarious," Delilah responded.

"PLEASE tell me any of you happened to have shot video of the parade that year. I have to see this for myself" Grace begged to see footage of conservatives getting owned online.

"Gotta see to believe, brah?" Luna asked.

"It's not even that. I just want to see if it all was as epic as you describe it," Grace replied.

"Why don't you come to the next one and see if lightning strikes twice?" Sam offered.

"Yeah, and bring Albert with you," Luna added.

"Let's just move on," Albert pressed.

"Yes, good idea. Luan, Benny, tell us the weirdest, wackiest, or most uncomfortable date you have ever been on. Wait a second, is there any point in asking you two this question?" Grace agreed.

"You're making it sound like wackiness is routine for us," Benny observed.

"To be fair, in my family, chaos comes with the territory," Luan countered.

"In spades," Lincoln confirmed.

"Not to mention diamonds, clubs, AND hearts," Luna added.

"But I'd say the weirdest date we've ever been on was our first one after the Louds had battled the Malefic Order," Benny finally answered the question.

"Cliff-note version, we fought off demons who were plaguing and mongering Lincoln with nightmares to avenge the battle they had with our ancestors," Luan summarised.

"That... sounds like a wild fever dream," Grace responded in sheer disbelief.

"Fever? Yes. Dream? More like a waking nightmare," Lincoln corrected.

"We nearly lost Lincoln in that battle, it made me realize how I nearly did my own family in with my April Fool's pranks at a motel in the middle of nowhere, so I turned myself into the authorities to redeem myself," Luan lamented.

"Luckily, my mom was willing to be lenient with Luan... BUT, she, understandably, still had some reservations after all that had come to light, and on our first date after that, she actually hired a private eye to keep tabs on us while we were out," Benny reasoned. There was an uncomfortable pause in the room, until Grace broke the ice.

"Is there even any point in asking either of you the 'meddling in-laws' question?" Grace probed.

"I don't think I could top that," Luan responded.

"I could write an entire book about the Louds' meddling," Benny remarked, whilst glaring at Luna.

"Think I'm not pickin' up on the vibe, ROMEO?" Luna seethed.

"Okay, let's not start spewing venom here," Grace eased.

"Remember our agreement, Benjamin," Albertson reminded.

"I have one more thing to add about the weirdness of that particular date," Luan interjected. Breathing a sigh of relief that the voyeurism would not be mentioned again, the game continued without fear of sudden stoppage.

"Proceed," Grace pressed.

"After we finished our dinner, the server brought over our checks," Luan told her story.

"Checks, as in plural?" Grace inquired.

"Yeah, in addition to our check, another one was sent to our table... it looked like they ordered everything from the menu!" Benny remembered.

"Nearly cost my entire stash of loot from my kiddy party gigs!" Luan complained.

"Sheesh! Who were the two-bit freeloaders mooching off your date?" Grace asked.

"Mr. Coconuts and Mrs. Appleblossom," Luan and Benny answered at the same time. Now Grace was really confused, as well as everyone else in the room that wasn't accustomed to the antics of Luan and Benny's puppets.

"Wait... aren't YOU Mr. Coconuts and Mrs. Appleblossom?" Grace queried.

"Don't even ask," Lincoln advised.

"What I want to know is how Mr. Coconuts and Mrs. Appleblossom reacted to your pregnancy, and what their relationship with your baby will be like," Albertson wondered.

"Mrs. Appleblossom was over the moon when she learned I was going to be a father. She wanted to conduct nanny interviews herself," Benny answered.

"Whereas Mr. Coconuts couldn't stop cracking wise about buns and ovens. He nearly exhausted his supply of bakery puns," Luan added. Luna then proceeded to cover her face with her hands.

"Oh dear lord, not the bakery puns!" Luna recoiled in horror.

"What was the one he used to announce the pregnancy?" Benny quizzed.

"Oh, I remember, it was 'Luan and Benny got baked, and something sweeter than a cinnamon roll is in the oven'. He also said that we were 'a batch made in heaven'," Luan answered. Luna then grabbed a cushion and screamed in it.

"We were, and still are, 'love at first bite'," Benny punned.

"OK, let's put a lid on it there before Luna has a nervous breakdown. Shannon, Ruby, tell us the weirdest, wackiest, or most uncomfortable date you have ever been on," Albertson directed.

"The contender for weirdest/wackiest would have to be our first anniversary, when I tried to take Ruby to a new fancy Italian restaurant downtown. It was also Valentine's Day, so I knew my parents would never know, because A. We were still on the D.L. at the time, and B. They always went to Giovanni-Chang's for their Valentine's date nights, because it was where they had their first date. GUESS where my parents went THAT night," Shannon explained.

"That fancy Italian place you went to?" Grace easily guessed.

"Bingo! Shans spent the whole night ducking for cover anytime her parents passed by our table to avoid being seen with me, while I covered for her by telling them I was on a blind Valentine date," Ruby told the tale.

"In the end, the waiting staff served us in the back alley... after I ended up hiding in the kitchen, and had marinara sauce and meatballs ladled on my head," Shannon concluded.

"With that fabulous hair of hers, took almost twenty minutes to wash all that junk out of her curly locks!" Ruby complimented.

"But the most uncomfortable was after we both graduated university and we went to a little pub to celebrate," Shannon recalled.

"Just somewhere casual and fun so we could let our hair down and relax... we BOTH needed it, we were under so much stress and tension," Ruby added.

"We probably would've been better off at a regular booth or table, but Ruby likes sitting on those high stools, so we sat at the bar... and at the other end of the bar, I noticed there was this drunk guy sitting there... I could just tell he was undressing me with his eyes the whole time," Shannon said.

"I never noticed him, and Shans never said anything," Ruby interjected.

"I just didn't want to do anything that would draw more unwanted attention to myself... but once Ruby left for the powder room, he finally slid over and tried hitting on me. I rejected his advances, but like I said, he was drunk, so he tried to turn a no into a yes," Shannon continued.

"By the time I got back, there he was, cramming his tongue down my girl's throat and groping her breasts. I not only pulled him off Shannon and decked him to the floor, I dragged him out back and roughed him up even more!" Ruby ranted.

"The whole thing was super scary... I felt so gross, being molested and harassed made me feel like such a filthy piece of trash. And seeing Ruby beat the daylights out of a guy twice her size was truly a sight to behold," Shannon swooned.

"I even got a job offer out of it! The bar staff offered to hire me as a bouncer!" Ruby stated.

"I guess what they say is true, size really doesn't matter," Grace remarked.

"I don't care if the dude's the size of a Sherman tank, any sorry sack of crap messes with MY girl, they're gonna wish they were never born!" Ruby replied.

"Either way, we never went back," Shannon continued the story.

"Naw. We avoid pubs and bars and just stick with family restaurants... fancy, swanky restaurants for special occasions," Ruby affirmed.

"Without problems with parents, I hope," Grace said.

"No. By then, we already came out to our parents, and they were very supportive of us being together romantically. As a matter of fact, after Ruby and I announced our engagement, both our parents got together and threw a big party for us, a combination of a L'Chaim and a Vivaha," Shannon recollected.

"Those are Jewish and Indian engagement rites of passage. My parents even agreed to sign a Jewish document with Shannon's parents that signified they approved of our union and intentions to get married," Ruby explained.

"The Tena'im. Not only did the other guests smash their dinner plates afterward to commemorate our engagement, but my mum also cried the whole time like Mr. Loud," Shannon concluded.

"Didn't you ever press charges against the drunk guy?" Albertson probed.

"We didn't have to. The bartender showed the security footage of the incident to the police. They picked him up six hours later and he copped to the whole thing. No trial required. He got ten years and was ordered by the court to attend an alcohol rehab program," Ruby answered.

"Sweet," Albertson replied.

"I thought the embarrassment of being clobbered by a woman was enough to set him straight, but I do hope he thought about what he'd done while he was, or still is, in the slammer. I never bothered to check up on him. Didn't want to," Ruby lamented.

"You thrashed a guy twice your size? There is hope for you yet, Ruby," Lynn praised.

"I would've cut off his junk for good measure," Delilah advised.

"And this is why you're not allowed in the Human Realm without supervision, dear sister," Annie rebutted.

"I think now is a good time to take a brief intermission, to allow the audience a chance to catch their breath, order some drinks, or just stretch their legs. Don't go anywhere, folks, because we will be back in, say, 15 minutes," Albertson indicated. The curtain then closed, allowing the audience a chance to talk amongst themselves.

Author's note: Yeah, let me explain. Grace and I came up with so many questions and answers, that the original first draft came out to over 20k words long. No reader should be made to sit through that, so we decided to split this formerly one-shot into two. Sorry about that. The usual disclaimers, I own nothing. All properties belong to their respective owners. Enjoy.