Skulduggery Potter
Chapter one: My new Guardian is a Skeleton.
When Harry was told they were going to a lawyer's office one day after returning from Hogwarts; he was very confused, to say the least. Of course, he got into the car when ordered to by his uncle and tried to breathe in against the door as his cousin Dudley entered at the other side, taking up almost a seat and a half.
Vernon was glaring at him the entire time as if he were some vermin that he was being forced to take with him. Which was really odd to Harry seeing how if Vernon didn't want to leave him then he didn't have to. He could have just left him with Mrs Figg across the road.
Before going to Hogwarts he would have thought that it was Vernon being generous but no, he knew better now. Vernon was being forced to bring him along. It involved him. The entire family was silent as the rumble of the car's engine was heard before the entire vehicle started to shake. Other than some cold words between Vernon and Petunia every half hour or so; nobody spoke.
They must have been driving for about 2 and a half hours when the car finally came to a sudden halt and Vernon barked "That's it. We're here. Whatever this stupid Lawyer wants better have been worth it. Your bloody sister better have left us with some money."
Wait, were they here because of his mum?!
All 4 four of them shimmied out of the car that Vernon had precariously parked in between a 1990's Rolls Royce with its driver inside and a large pickup truck. He recognized the Rolls Royce from a magazine that his cousin owned a few years ago where the car was voted to be extremely popular.
Before he realised what was happening he was yanked towards the office building by his aunt who started pulling him by the scruff of the neck. The driver of the Rolls Royce turned to face her. He swore that as his aunt pulled him away, the driver of the Rolls-Royce turned to look at him with a look of sadness and a flash of white before returning to their book.
When they got up to the right floor they found a joyful older man waiting for them "Ah, Mr and Mrs Dursley i'm assuming. And you must be their son Dudley." Before turning to Harry "And you are clearly Lily and James' son. Look at those eyes and your hair."
The man quickly let them into his room and offered them all seats. All of them took them and the man sat down in his chair but didn't start the meeting, instead started to shuffle papers about. After a few minutes, Vernon started to get angry and yelled "Why haven't we started"
The man blinked a couple of times before replying surprisingly calmly, "Because we are waiting for one more person to arrive."
Suddenly the room got colder as a young woman's voice broke through the office that was both smooth and grating "Sorry for keeping you all waiting."
The Older man Across from them said with a smile "Nothing to fret, I'm just glad you could join us, Miss Cain."
The woman seemed to smile underneath the thick scarf she was wearing "Please, call me Skulduggery. Everyone does."
5 Minutes earlier.
"Well if this doesn't feel super familiar." the voice of the original Skulduggery Pleasant spoke, his skull floating next to her in the passenger seat."
Skulduggery Cain or as she was formerly known Vakerie Cain before her death was nose first into a book but asked "In what way?"
Pleasant rolled his "Eyes" and replied, "Oh I don't know, being summoned to the will reading of one of your oldest friends, wearing a scarf covering your lower face, a Hat with fake hair and black sunglasses."
Valkyrie looked up from her book for a second to look at her former mentor and now constant torment "What are you getting at? I need to be in soon."
Before looking outside and seeing a boy with Black Scruffy hair and emerald green eyes getting dragged into the lawyer's building. She felt sorry for the kid. Nobody should get dragged about like that.
Her mentor rested himself against the base of the chair "Valkyrie, after 3000 years I would hope you know coincidences don't just happen in our world. Especially in our line of work. This is exactly how we met for the first time, don't you remember?!"
She gave him a confused look "We met when you crashed through my door and saved my life."
She could feel the death glare he was giving her "Yes that's when we properly met but we also met before that at a lawyer's office when you were given the house in the first place and your uncle gave me some of the most confusing advice possible."
Gears turned within her head and went "Oh" Her original Irish accent came through sharply. Her bony fingers wrapped around the door release handle and she said "Now I need you to be quiet in this meeting. I don't need anyone thinking I'm crazy."
She didn't even need to look at his skull to know he was "rolling" his eyes but the head floated up by her and said "You won't get a zip out of me"
Closing the door to the Rolls Royce that she kept on mainland Britain for situations like this, she walked into the building up and up the flights of stairs. What Pleasant had mentioned was going on in her head. He was right after all. Nothing ever happened in coincidences in their world.
She was worried.
However, she reached the doorway quickly and wrapped her bony hands around the doorknob. If she could still feel she's certain that the door would feel fairly smooth under her hand. The small scratches imprinting on her glove. She missed feeling everything she touched.
From inside she could hear yelling and Pleasant said calmly "Wow, someone wants to be heard." She rolled her eyes before opening the door and saying "Sorry, for keeping you all waiting."
An older man with a white moustache and beard said joyfully "Nothing to fret, I'm just glad you could join us, Miss Cain."
She smiled under her scarf "Please, call me Skulduggery. Everyone does."
Miss Skulduggery decided to stand in the far corner, leaning against the wall and the old lawyer said "Now that we are all here, let me introduce myself. I am Mr. Boyle. Mr and Mrs Potter shortly before their deaths came to me with a will. However, shortly after their deaths, my copy of the will was destroyed meaning I could not carry out their final wishes in the result of their untimely deaths. However, I had sent a second copy to a dear friend who recently came across it. So I can officially reveal their final will."
Everyone leaned forward when he said that and although Miss Skulduggery would probably argue that she didn't, Harry could see the slight tilt in her neck. The Man sighed "We shall start with James Potter's section of the will first of all. To the Dursleys we have never got on however as your son was born the year before my Harry, I feel like we should give your son a gift. I leave the Potter Cottage in Surrey to Dudley Dursley that he shall be given the key to on his 18th Birthday."
Dudley broke out in a grin while both Vernon and Petunia seemed annoyed that they didn't get anything. "To my friend Skulduggery Cain. Heed the advice I gave you and live your long life to its fullest. Find Happiness. We also leave you the Síoraí Manor in Northern Ireland"
Skulduggery just seemed to nod. "And finally to my dear son Harry. I hope everything I write in this letter you will never have to hear and I will be able to do this in person. However, as the Current Lord Potter, you are my Heir. The Heir to House Potter if you will…. Yes, yes I'm getting there Lily!"
Harry cracked a smile as the lawyer read out this extra part which clearly didn't need to be there but had been added anyway. "As I was saying, you are the Heir to House Potter which means that upon my death, and your 16th Birthday you will be Lord Potter. This means Potter Manor and Peverell Manor. Your ancestral homes in the Republic of Ireland and in Scotland are yours."
Harry's eyes widened but the Lawyer didn't stop. They also asked me to give your guardians this when you were younger. However, seeing how you're eleven. I believe I can trust you with this." He passed a small Jewellery Box over to him.
Opening it up slowly, he found a ring with an emblem on it that he hadn't ever seen before but immediately recognized "The House Potter crest." Slowly putting it on his ring finger on his right hand, he felt the ring shrink to fit his hand. A glow of warmth washed over him.
Mr Boyle was satisfied and said "Alright next onto Mrs Lily Potter nee Evan's part of it. To my Sister Petunia, I leave you our Parent's jewellery and full ownership of their house. If you want you can leave that house, Tulip. To Vernon. Rot in Hell. To my Nephew Dudley. I leave you £5000 on your 18th birthday."
"To Skulduggery, I leave you the entire Potter Library for you to read. I know you don't value earthly possessions much so I hope this does you old friend."
"And finally to my beautiful baby boy Harry…oh my dear Harry i hope you never have to hear this. In the result of my death I leave you all my Journals for Hogwarts and even more. You will find it at Potter Manor"
Harry could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he was about to wipe them away when Miss Skulduggery handed him a handkerchief.
The lawyer then said in the most serious tone possible "Now onto the matter of Mr Potter's Guardianship. Unfortunately, there appears to have been a grave error made without the will being activated."
Everyone looked between themselves but the man started "This is from Lily Potter. In the result of both mine and James's death. We have a list of people we wish for Harry to be taken in by. First of all, we want Harry to be taken in by either his Godfather Sirius Black or his Godmother Alica Longbottom and her husband. If none of them are available for some reason, we want Harry to be taken in by Andromeda and Ted Tonks, Remus Lupin or Amelia Bones. In the case that none of them are available straight away. We ask that Harry be taken in By Skullduggery. To our friend Skulduggery, we know you're not the biggest fan of kids, however, we wouldn't have anyone else look after Harry if the others are still indisposed with the war or in the long term should they all be killed."
Skullduggery leaned forwards placing a hand on Harry's shoulder who was deep in thought. They never mentioned the Dursleys there. He was never meant to stay with them? "We also ask that should we pass; that you train him in your style of magic no matter the circumstance. He needs to be able to protect himself."
Harry didn't have to look up to tell Skulduggery was looking down at him studying him. He doubted Skulduggery would go against their wishes. Mr Boydle wasn't finished though "Under no circumstances however should Harry be left with his family in the Dursleys. Should none of the suggested options be available; We ask that Harry be taken into care instead of going to them."
Harry stared at the Dursleys….He was never meant to stay with them…he had been abused by them for 10 years and he never had to stay with them in the first place?!
Skullduggery said, "Is that All Mr Boyle?"
The Man nodded "It is Miss Skullduggery. As of today, you are Mr Potter's Guardian. I shall send you a message with all the paperwork in the next few days. Should I send it to your current home or your new manor?"
"Current home please. Mr Boyle."
The Dursleys stormed out of the room but before they could reach the lift, Skulduggery said "Mr and Mrs Dursley. I need a word with you before you go. Please wait for me downstairs.""
Before leaning down to talk to Harry. Harry swore he heard Skulduggery's knees grate together like two pieces of concrete grating against each other "Mr Potter…Harry, can I call you Harry?" He nodded "I need you to go with your uncle and Aunt tonight. I will pick you up tomorrow night. I need to gather ALL of your things."
Harry nodded, a bit disappointed he wasn't escaping immediately but then remembered he left Hedwig at the house and thought it was probably for the best to head back home and get her."
Harry stood up, rubbing his family ring and left the room. As he got out the door. The door closed and all voices inside went into deadly silence.
"What really Happened?" Skulduggery's voice broke through the silence in the room.
The man sighed and rubbed his ears, When he removed his hands, he revealed two pointy ears and said "Someone erased my memory of the will. Thankfully my friend really did have the will and the ring. Otherwise, that Last Will would have never been executed."
Removing her fake hair and hat, Valkyrie sat down "Do we know how many of the other potential Guardians are still alive?"
The man nodded "Sirius Black is but is wrongfully imprisoned, Remus Lupin is but he stays even more off the grid than you do old friend. Amelia Bones is alive and running the DMLE…however she signed this will and if she remembered she would have taken it in…which can only mean one thing."
Valkyrie groaned and pulled out a fag/cigarette and lit it on fire with her finger. When she was flesh and guts, she hated smoking and smoking. However these days it was one of the things that made her feel more alive than anything, after a puff she said "Memory spell."
Darrius Boyle nodded "Unfortunately. I wouldn't be surprised if the same spell was used on the Tonks. They would have taken in Harry too. Regardless of if they knew the will or not. Cynthia Greengrass would have been an option but her husband is still alive which bars him from the list, same as Narcissa Black."
Taking another puff, Valkyrie responded "So for the moment I will take the kid in. Start teaching him my magic and try to get Amelia Bones or the Tonks to remember the will. Can I count on you to help me track them down?"
The Lawyer nodded "Of course old friend. Now go before they wonder where you have vanished too."
Valkyrie fitted her sunglasses and hair/hat combo back on her skull and walked out of the room. She decided to save time so that she would jump down the gap in the stairs and she fell straight to the bottom. Her entire skeleton splitting as she hit the ground at rapid speeds before her body reformed and she sighted "Not even a scratch."
Making her way out of the building she found Harry studying his ring with fascination and coughed loudly "I shall pick up Harry tomorrow night at 9 PM, I want him to have all of his clothes and equipment ready to go. That includes the Hogwarts gear."
Dudley started to go purple, "I don't know what you're talking about. What is this Pig Warts you're mentioning?"
Not having any patience for the abusive obese man she lit her glove on fire by snapping two of her fingers together "You know exactly what I mean." The man started to tremble and she cracked a smile under the scarf. She Still has it.
The Man just got into the car silently along with his wife while their son Dudley went "Cool!" Well, she was glad someone was impressed. Pressing her not-on-fire hand on Harry's shoulder she said "Stay safe kid."
The Boy was spluttering "Are you a witch, like me"
She winked at him but he didn't see it through her sunglasses so she said "Something like that. We will talk more tomorrow night."
As she removed her hand from her shoulder she felt her jacket arm be pulled up a fair amount revealing her bony wrist and lower arm. Harry's eyes winded but she pulled the jacket down and moved over to her car.
As soon as she closed the door and the enchantments for silence activated, Skulduggery said "Well what do you know? You have an apprentice."
She couldn't even be bothered rolling her eyes. "Yeah yeah."
She could tell her mentor was chuckling and said "Yeah. Also smooth move just there with the arm. Way to go getting him on your side."
She sighed and if she still had eyes she believed they would be welling up with tears about now, "While you're right a chara, I feel like he will still be better off with me than he is at the moment."
Before turning on the engine and driving off for central London.
Was that bone that Harry had seen?! Was Miss Skulduggery missing large chunks of Skin and Muscle…no he must have been seeing things. That would have been impossible. She shouldn't exist even in the magical world if she was.
Shaking his head he got into the car, a small smile resting on his face and waited for Dudley to get in. He was glad Dudley got something. He may have tormented him for years but he was also a product of Vernon and Petunia. Hopefully, he will change as he gets older.
The Car drive back to No.4 Privet Drive was even more silent than the one to the lawyer's office. Harry was daydreaming about what his life would be like with his new guardians while Vernon was seething and when Harry did look at him it looked like he was about to blow a vein…at least more than usual.
The second they got back to no.4 and in the house Vernon yelled "BOY! GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE TILL TOMORROW AFTERNOON."
Harry shrugged his shoulders not giving a damn and strolled up the stairs and entered the bedroom, closing the door and collapsing onto his bed. One more day then he would be gone from here forever. Then he returns to Hogwarts after the summer. And his new Guardian was a witch too! He never had to be stuck in his boring mundane life ever again!
The next day
Harry slept in that morning. He felt more relaxed than he had in ages, knowing that he was finally leaving no.4 Privet drive for the last time just made him feel great. Grabbing his final pieces of clothes, he placed them into his chest along with everything else and smiled as he looked at the now empty room.
Headwig's cage rested on the old desk and he put his finger out to her and let him stroke her head. The owl leant forward and brushed his hand against where she wanted him to rub on her head. Hedwig was still the best gift he had ever received…well apart from maybe his new family ring from his parents.
He sat on the bed and started to pen a letter to both Hermione and Ron, explaining what was happening and how he would give them his new address as soon as possible. He then handed it to Headwig who took both letters before shooting out of the house. It had taken him so long to write both letters that the sun was starting to set giving the sky a nice warm glow.
Outside he heard a car pull up at the side of the road and he ran over to the window and saw Rolls Royce in all its glory come to a full stop, the rumble of the engine carrying on down the quiet street even after the engine had stopped.
Miss Skulduggery stepped out of the car and walked over to the front door with purpose in her step. Grabbing his case, he started dragging it out of the spare bedroom and down the stairs.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs just as she knocked on the door. He had a massive grin on his face and he saw both Vernon and Petunia slowly creeping towards the door. The door was almost knocked off with every pound and Petunia slowly opened the door. "I assume you're here to pick up the boy."
Skulduggery nodded "Ready to go Harry?"
He could feel his neck bobbing up and down at a rapid pace as he nodded and made his way over to her. Skulduggery placed a hand on his shoulder "Put your things in the boot, it's open."
Making his way over to the car he placed a hand on the trunk when Skulduggery suddenly said "Harry, you haven't been anywhere since yesterday have you?"
"No…Why?"
Skulduggery pulled off her glove revealing a bony hand which quickly shot on fire "Now Vernon Dursley, what are you."
His "Uncle" for 10 years started to shift, his face distorting into something out of a nightmare, his hands morphed into a sword and shield, his legs morphed together to form a large snake tail connected to his bottom half.
Skulduggery stepped back a bit "Oh crap, A Tomhaltóir draíochta, you have got to be kidding me, you haven't been seen for over 1000 years."
A Gravelly voice spoke "That's right Skulduggery Cain. Everything was going fine, I was absorbing the boy's magic over the years and by the time he was 18 he would have barely had any magic left and I would have had a meal to last me another 100 or so years"
"You would have killed him"
"I would have left him enough to live, I'm not a monster"
"With so little source magic left he would have survived another year if he was lucky."
The Monster seemed to roll its eyes. Before launching one of its arms at Skullduggery who jumped back a good foot before launching a fireball at the monster. Ducking behind the car, Harry avoided a spear made of monster goop that came flying towards him and put a hand into his hair. His uncle was a monster and had been draining his magic?!"
Peaking around he saw Skulduggery dodge and weave out of the way of the monster's attack before sending multiple fireballs its way.
Then she dodged out of the way and shot into the air, a powerful gust of air under her feet. Before firing another fireball at her opponent and then swirling her hands around in a circular fashion. The air solidified around the flames that had caught fire around the monster trapping it there but giving it constant oxygen to keep the flames alight.
In a desperate attempt to escape its inevitable fate, the monster shot an arm at Skulduggery who moved her head to the left avoiding taking damage from the attack. However, the blade-like goop caught her scarf, Sunglasses and hat and tore them off revealing that she had no face, hair or eyes, only a skull.
Harry's eyes widened in shock as he looked at her. The Monster finally collapsed to the ground dead "Haven't had to expel this much energy in a few years. Mrs Dursley, I suggest you and your son leave this house for good before more of his kind comes."
Harry stepped forward from behind the car "You're…you're a skeleton."
"Very well observed young man. What gave it away? Was it the bones?" Harry was starting to feel faint when a burst of light shot out of the monster's body and some of the energy shot into Harry.
He started to stutter "What…What was that."
"That would be all the magic he's taken over the years. The stuff that went into you is yours. The rest will have been from his previous victims. If they aren't alive anymore it will return to the source."
Harry felt himself falling before he truly realised what was happening. Before he passed out he heard Skulduggery say "Oh cac" before another voice said "You really did it this time Valkyrie."