A/N Just a reminder as you read none of the PDA from Season has occurred in our story so read this chapter with that in mind. This will be a pretty angsty chapter but I think hopefully it will help readers feel like a lot of stuff has been dealt with although there is still more but we feel that the biggest parts between the two of them will have been addressed. The Allie stuff will be coming later.

"All right, today I want to address Lucas and the impact that he may have had on your relationship especially given what we know already," Joseph said. "Who would like to start?"

"I would," Nathan said before turning to Elizabeth. "Do you think if Lucas had stayed in town after the prisoner transfer or returned a bit later than he did, things might have been different for us?"

"I've been asking myself that same question. I still haven't come up with an answer to that."

"Well, then it seems we have our starting point," Joseph said. "What was Lucas' reaction to the hug? Elizabeth, can you explain what happened with Lucas after the two of you embraced in the street?"

"Well, a few days after it happened, I saw Lucas just as he was about to board the stage. We hadn't been in a relationship or anything, and while his leaving didn't concern me, the look he gave me as he boarded the stage did. No one had any idea of where he was or when he would return, and Gustav wouldn't say, though I'm sure he had been in contact with him."

"He never reached out to you during the months he was gone?" Nathan asked, surprised.

"No, he didn't. He just popped up at my door that day and said he wanted to apologize for leaving without any explanation." The memory began to play in her mind as she paused to recall his words.

I want to apologize for leaving with no explanation and not having the decency to say goodbye.

Why did you leave?

When that Mountie was shot during the prisoner transport, and you thought Nathan had been killed, I saw your reaction, and um, I saw how you, uh, ran to him and embraced him...

I didn't know that.

I'm ashamed to say that I let my jealousy get the best of me. Uh, the worst of me. And I thought it would be best if I left until I was able to sort things out.

And have you?

I'd like to tell you more about it when I have time.

I'd like that. Welcome home.

Thank you.(1)

'What about him showing up rattled her? They weren't together, and when he was away, she hadn't really put much thought or concern into his absence, unlike Nathan's, so what was going on?'

Elizabeth had been so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't realize she had been silent for an extended period until Joseph called her name and brought her back to the present.

"Elizabeth, are you all right?"

"Sorry, I was caught up in the memory of that day, trying to figure out why his showing up unexpectedly had rattled me when he returned, especially since I hadn't worried much about it while he was gone. It had been the first time he had run off upset with me, so I should have been worried."

"Not a good feeling, is it?" Nathan scoffed. "You know it wasn't his only attempt to run from his issues, right?"

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth said.

"I can't believe I am going to admit this or even that I did it, but I guess when you…." Nathan stopped, clearly struggling with his emotions. Anger and hurt were the most prominent and stayed as he talked.

"After you left the jail, that night I went to visit Lucas, though I'm sure he didn't tell you that. He was closing early, but we sat down and had a beer. Looking back, I'm unsure what my intent was.

You closing early? You serve any Pinkertons lately?

Business has been slow.

Well, you'll know when you see them. Not just by the uniform, they tend to um... stir things up.

I appreciate the warning.

Elizabeth came by to see me this afternoon. She told me she loves me. She's just not... she's not in love with me. I don't know if that surprises you. I can't really say it surprises me. What Elizabeth and I share... it's not the same as what it seems you two share. I think that her heart has always been with you, Lucas.

At the moment... I'm not sure what she and I might actually share. I received an offer on the saloon. A good one. I'm inclined to take it.

I can't tell you what to do, but if I were you, I'd consider sticking around. Oh, and if you have any trouble with Pinkertons... I have your back.

Thank you.(2)

He began explaining what he had said, and he could see that Elizabeth was upset and angry, but he did not care at that moment.

When he finished, he looked at Joseph and said, "Do you know that is the only time I have lied since becoming a Mountie and even before that, not since I was a boy? With my father being who he was, it served as an example of whom I didn't want to be, and a liar was at the top of the list right next to becoming a gambler. Yet I had just given my blessing for the woman I loved to be in a relationship with the man because I wanted to make her happy."

"So, when you talked with him, you convinced him to stay in town?" Elizabeth asked, feeling sick, recalling what happened the next day.

Nathan knew exactly what she was thinking of. "Yep, that was why the saloon had been locked up tight. He was going to leave town not with a broken heart but because he thought he had lost the competition. So, your little kiss at the bridge, followed by that private reading, was all a setup, Elizabeth."

She looked up at him in alarm" How did…."

"How did I know about them? I hate to break it to you, Elizabeth, but the whole town knew. Look for people next time you make out on the bridge during broad daylight. You were seen by some of your students, including Allie. As for your dinner, Lucas spoke of it afterward, bragged, actually, and you weren't discreet since you posted a sign that the library was closed for a private party."

Shame flooded Elizabeth as the memory of that night came back to her. Though they only exchanged a couple of kisses, she suddenly felt dirty, as if they had done more. More proof that she had changed in all that time. Examining those two events in light of the truth that had been revealed while she was in Hamilton made it even more shameful. Tears began to silently fall down her cheeks as remorse filled her.

Nathan had to fight the urge to comfort her, but he knew he would hate himself later if he did. These sessions were supposed to help them navigate all the issues they had between them.

Bill and I saw him driving out of town with his backseat full of belongings. We didn't know what was happening until we got back to town and saw you crying for him and running down the road. If you don't believe me, ask Bill."

Though they had no formal understanding back then, he had felt cheated on, nonetheless. It had tarnished his opinion of her if he was honest with himself. He had always thought she was above reproach in that area.

"It didn't go beyond that, Nathan," Elizabeth said softly, correctly reading his thoughts. "After that night, I didn't kiss him again, though he wanted more. But then he was always pushing for more, even when I said we needed to take things slow. He was always pushing for more than I was ready for. However, I can understand why you wouldn't believe me." Elizabeth said, standing up.

They looked at her questioningly, watching her rub her arms, trying to comfort herself. "I'm sorry, Joseph, but I …."

"It is okay, Elizabeth. Nathan and I understand, and I think it's a good stopping point anyway. Why don't we reconvene tomorrow?" Joseph replied. Nathan and Elizabeth nodded, and then she went out the door, practically running for her rowhouse.

Nathan just sat feeling numb inside, trying to process what had happened and how the conversation had turned so quickly. He couldn't blame her for needing time to process what she had learned.

He was still angry and hurt but also felt bad because he knew he wanted to ensure she felt pain too. The only thing was that it hadn't made him feel better because, at that moment with her, it was all about retaliation and not about working through things. It had been his decision to go to Lucas, not hers. Even now, he still didn't know why he had. It had been so stupid, as if a stranger had directed his actions.

"Nathan? Is there anything you feel you need to talk about?" Joseph asked.

"Thanks for the offer, Joseph, but I think I need some time alone, too," Nathan replied sadly, too shaken by all that had been said to continue with the discussion.

ELIZABETH'S ROWHOUSE

Elizabeth entered her home and went straight to her room. Rosemary and Julie were sitting outside on Rosemary's steps. Lee had taken Jack with him for a tour of the mill. After she entered the house, it concerned them that she hadn't even seen or responded to their greetings.

"What do you think happened?" Julie asked.

"I'm not sure. But we should at least try and see if she needs to talk. Whatever it is, it must be very serious. Given that she's coming from a counseling appointment with Nathan, it's probably something very painful. If she doesn't want to discuss it, we must respect that, Julie. Can you do that if she doesn't want to?" Rosemary asked, concern in her eyes.

Julie nodded. "I'll follow your lead, Rosemary."

As they entered the house, they heard a sudden crash followed by the sounds of Elizabeth's sobs coming from upstairs. They ran up the stairs, and as they entered the room, they saw shards of glass from the broken mirror and objects from her dresser top scattered on the floor. Elizabeth was huddled in the corner as if trying to hide herself. She was rocking herself, her face hidden in her folded knees as if to comfort herself.

"Elizabeth! What happened?" Rosemary asked.

"Please go away. You don't want to be seen with someone like me!"

"Someone like you? What is that supposed to mean, Sister?" Julie asked, placing an arm around her sister's shoulders as she moved just sitting beside her.

Elizabeth shrugged off her arm, feeling undeserving of comfort from them as Nathan's words returned to her again.

'He was going to leave town but not with a broken heart but because he thought he had lost the competition. So, your little kiss at the bridge, followed by that private reading, was all a setup, Elizabeth."

She looked up at him in alarm, "How did…."

"How did I know about them? I hate to break it to you, Elizabeth, but the whole town knew. Look for people next time you decide to make out on the bridge during broad daylight. You were seen by some of your students, including Allie. As for your dinner, Lucas spoke of it afterward, bragged, actually, and you weren't discreet even then since you posted a sign that the library was closed for a private party.'

'She had been seen….by some of her students, Nathan and Bill…. the whole town knew about what happened between her and Lucas…they thought she was a woman of loose morals….'

"Elizabeth, please tell us what happened," Rosemary said, worried about her friend.

Looking at Rosemary, who she thought was her friend, 'Why hadn't she said something?' Feeling anger, she lashed out, "Did you know?"

"Know what?" Rosemary asked, confused.

"That I have the reputation of being a who…." She couldn't finish because Rosemary put her hand over her mouth, effectively silencing her comment though Elizabeth didn't think she could have said it anyway.

"Stop right there, Elizabeth Thornton. No one I know would ever apply that word to you, including Nathan Grant." Romary said with fire blazing in her eyes. "Now, what is this about? Are you saying that he did? Because you should know, I don't believe it for one second, Elizabeth."

"Not in those words, but I got the impression that he thinks a lot less of me, and in everyone's eyes, I might as well be especially given what we now know about my being just a game to Lucas. It's like in that infernal book. Looking back at my behavior, I can't blame them for thinking that either. I went to that book reading with him to Union City though only as friends. I never felt right about it, though, and after talking with Aunt Agatha, I paid him back for the trip through Bill since he wouldn't accept it from me. That book deal celebration, though, to be honest, I wasn't expecting it to be so intimate. Then after the hug, well, you know from there what happened; apparently, the whole town knows what happened. I was even seen kissing Lucas on the bridge by my students. Why didn't you tell me, Rosemary?"

She broke into fresh sobs, recalling the look of disdain and hurt in Nathan's eyes. Who knew what Joseph was thinking about her? How could she even face either of the Canfields again, let alone do counseling? For that matter, how could she even show her face in town? Maybe she should leave town? Go somewhere they didn't know about her past mistakes. Somewhere she could still teach or maybe-'

Julie and Rosemary could see the myriad of emotions dance across her face as her thoughts ran wild. She got a particularly wild look in her eyes that reminded Julie and Rosemary of a cornered rabbit. They began to suspect where her thoughts had now gone.

"Sister! Stop it!" Julie said, surprising Rosemary as she slapped Elizabeth's cheek lightly to get her attention finally.

Elizabeth's eyes cleared, and she looked at her sister in shock as she held her cheek. "What did you do that for?"

"I figured it would bring you to your senses, and I was right. Now let's go down and get some tea and have a proper conversation," Julie replied, popping up and holding out her hand to Elizabeth. The look on her face made it clear that it wasn't a suggestion.

Elizabeth looked at Rosemary, who only shrugged as Julie pulled her up, and the three women walked down to the kitchen. Elizabeth and Julie sat down at the table while Rosemary put the kettle on the stove. As she did, Rosemary thought about what Elizabeth had said, and a thought came to her.

She turned to her friend. "You know, Elizabeth, it was strange that Lucas' response to being jealous was to leave town, especially for so long, don't you think?"

They sat silently, hoping Elizabeth would have time to calm down. A short time later, Rosemary joined them at the table with the tea tray and some cookies.

"Cookie?" Rosemary asked, holding up the plate to Elizabeth. Elizabeth took one and smiled, finding the familiar cookie ritual comforting. "Now, Elizabeth, why don't you tell us what happened."

With a heavy heart, Elizabeth shared with Julie and Rosemary what had been said during the counseling, including his conversation with Lucas the night she broke his heart and that she had been seen.

"Well, after what you told me about his conversation in the street with you yesterday and then hearing what Nathan told you about the conversation that he had with Lucas, it certainly doesn't speak well for Lucas or his motives," Rosemary observed. "I think you are better off without him, though I know it doesn't help you feel better."

"I guess what they say about hindsight being 20/20 is true, and unfortunately, I can't go back and change it. I can only move forward though I don't know how that will play out since I'm never leaving my house again." Elizabeth admitted with a heavy sigh.

"Why ever not?" Julie said.

"Because I can never show my face to anyone knowing what they think of me, Julie," Elizabeth said as if it should be obvious.

"I think you are overreacting, Elizabeth. It was already known before you arrived back in town, and has anyone treated you differently?" Rosemary said firmly.

"I understand what you are trying to say, Rosemary, and on some level, I agree, but now knowing they are aware of it. It is just too embarrassing." Tears began falling down Elizabeth's cheeks.

"You know what I think, Elizabeth? I think you are projecting how you feel about yourself onto others, and that's not fair." Julie said flatly. "Now you can wallow in your misery and have the pity party, or you can be the Elizabeth Thatcher I grew up with and keep going."

Rosemary and Elizabeth looked at Julie in shock as her words sunk in.

"Don't be so shocked. I told you I had changed, and I meant it. Lucas wins if you hide yourself in shame; we can't have that! Is facing others going to be hard for you? I'm sure it will be difficult at first; however, I know you can do it. We are Thatchers, and we don't run from challenges, remember? It's time you rediscover that fiery spirit and stop running from everything."

MEANWHILE IN TOWN

"Bill, I think I'm going to go ahead and head to Rock Creek and deal with Dylan's parents. I went ahead and called Gabe, and he will be here in the morning. I would appreciate it if you could cover until then as I want to leave immediately.

"Something wrong?"

"Let's just say I need a bit of a break from things. Would you let Joseph and Elizabeth know for me?"

"Sure, Nathan. I have your back. Tell Allie hello, and I miss her face around here."

"I will. Also, you might want to check on Elizabeth later." Nathan said, and then he was gone.

(1) S8 Ep1

(2) S8 Ep12