When Victor arrived at the circus the following morning, he walked with a spring in his step and a lightness he hadn't felt in years. He moved so easily, so effortlessly that he could have been weightless and as the chaos of the circus's usual morning practise echoed around him, he barely took any notice. His eyes were open but they weren't seeing what was directly in front of him. His mind was so elsewhere that he could have been walking through a thunderstorm and not felt the rain on his skin. He was so happy he felt like he could float up to the ceiling.

The night before had gone well, unbelievably well, better than he could have ever planned it. It had been wonderful from start to finish but when he thought of the concert, it wasn't Lilia's voice or any of the songs that came to his mind. It was the feeling of a warm solid weight leaning against his side and back onto his arm, the feeling of green velvet on his fingertips and a quiet gentle voice humming in his ear. The show had lasted a couple of hours but Victor could have sat there for eternity, just enjoying Yuuri's closeness. He had been so close that he could see the rise and fall of Yuuri's chest and smell the scent he had put on specially for that night. After he had put his arm around Yuuri, the two of them had sat like that for the entire concert, not even moving during the interval where Phichit had spent the whole time gushing about how amazing it was. He had felt Phichit's eyes staring at his arm and the way it was casually draped around Yuuri's shoulder's but Yuuri had looked so at ease that his fellow acrobat hadn't said a word about it. He had given Victor a knowing glance right before the curtain went back up for the second half but Victor had only taken it as encouragement. He knew Phichit only wanted to see his friend happy and that was all Victor wanted too.

After the show had ended, they had been forced to get up but Yuuri had taken him by surprise by linking their arms together as they had walked out. He had felt the eyes of the whole circus on them as they led the way out of the theatre but he hadn't cared a bit. He knew Yuuri and him would be the talk of the troop but as long as Yuuri was happy, he didn't mind. They had talked the whole way home, mainly Yuuri enthusiastically talking about how amazing the show was and Victor contently listening. He had basked in the glow of Yuuri's smile all the way back, the anger he had seen in his father's eyes long forgotten. He was initially surprised that his father hadn't tried to confront them during the interval but he guessed that he didn't want to have a fight in front of the rest of the theatre. That would have drawn attention to them both that the old man definitely didn't want associated with the Nikiforov name.

The whole circus had been buzzing when they reached home. The young stagehands had been chittering like birds, some of the performers (including Phichit) had been close to bouncing off the walls like overexcited toddlers and Chris had loudly suggested going to the bar to finish the night off properly. No one had wanted to go to bed yet but Ciao Ciao had insisted, putting on his booming ringmaster voice to cut through the chatter.

"Everyone! You are all to go to your rooms and rest! I know you've all had a good night but we still have a show tomorrow and you all have morning practise! And yes, that includes you Chris!"

The group, some more sulkily than others, had then all headed to bed and Victor insisted on having the pleasure of walking Yuuri to the door of his dressing room. The other man had initially been quite shy about it but all the shyness had left him when they finally had a moment to themselves. They had reached Yuuri's door and he had thrown his arms around Victor's shoulders, hugging him like he was clinging to the trapeze and Victor was his only hope of not falling.

"Thank you… for everything." He had said, his breath warming Victor's ear and making one side of his face feel hot. "I didn't think I could ever have a night this… wonderful."

Victor had hugged him back. He had wanted to say that he had had the best night as well, that this had been better than the first night of any of his plays. He had wanted to promise to make all of Yuuri's days and nights this wonderful but he stopped himself before he could. He didn't want to scare him away by saying anything he might regret later and so, he had restricted himself to respond by pressing his lips to Yuuri's temple, stopping the bubbling of words in his throat before they could surface.

"I'm glad. I had a great night as well."

That was all he could say before he lowered his lips to Yuuri's cheek and Yuuri angled his head to take them with his own. That kiss had been delicate and sweet, a tender goodnight kiss that promised no more than it gave. They had stayed there far longer than they both planned but it had had to come to an end and Victor had reluctantly been the one to step away.

"You have practise in the morning, I shouldn't keep you, not after…"

"The last time?" Yuuri had sweetly teased him with a glint in his eye. Victor loved how mischievous he could be, how his personality could change on the spin of a dime. The combinations of sweet and shy mixed with determined and devilish was intoxicating and Victor still wasn't sure how he had had the strength to walk away last night. "Don't worry Victor, I'll make sure to get straight to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

"I'll be here." Victor had gone to turn away but he couldn't leave without doing one last thing, giving the other man one last surprise. Before Yuuri could turn away to open the door, Victor had taken his hand and bowed, pressing a kiss to the centre of Yuuri's palm. He had looked up through his hair just in time to see how Yuuri blushed and how his eyes seemed to melt. It was like he could see a wall falling behind those eyes and he was breathless at the sight of it.

He must have looked starstruck as Yuuri had softly chuckled, slowly removing his hand whilst sweeping his fingers across Victor's jawline. "Goodnight… darling."

He had then swiftly disappeared into his dressing room, leaving Victor standing there feeling like he could have been bowled over by a puff of wind. That small word, said with so much affection, had been burning in his soul all night, keeping him awake and making him restless. He went straight to Ciao Ciao's office feeling like he was floating on a cloud. He felt like he truly understood what it was to be lovesick and he didn't want there to be a cure.

He sailed into the office and Ciao Ciao glanced up from his paper, a smile across his face.

"Someone's in a good mood."

"Indeed." Victor smiled in what he thought was a very mysterious and enigmatic way. As he sailed over to Ciao Ciao's desk and fell into the seat opposite him, the other man gave him a brief knowing look. The Russian man may have thought he was being subtle but his joy was so clearly written out on his face, it might as well have been tattooed there in bold black ink. "Did you enjoy last night as well?"

"I did, it was a marvellous night. That woman can really sing."

"Yes, she can…" Victor sighed dreamily and Ciao Ciao almost laughed out loud. It was clear there was something on Victor's mind and it clearly wasn't the talents of the opera singer.

"I really must thank you for getting those tickets for all of us at such short notice. I honestly didn't think something like that was possible."

"Neither did I for a moment or two." Victor admitted. "But they do say that the circus is the place for the impossible."

"Now that they do." Ciao Ciao grinned as he held out the morning paper to him. "Talking of what other people say, have you seen this?"

Victor took the paper and shook it out, exposing a large black and white photograph that took up most of the front page. It was from the previous night's show with the dark curtains shrouding either side of the stage and Lilia shining bright in the centre in a beacon of white light. It was a very flattering picture catching her mid-note, with her mouth open wide and her arm thrust out, her fingers elegantly arched as she belted out her song. She looked almost like a ballet dancer in the middle of her solo, Victor thought with a smile as his eyes went down to read what was clearly going to be a review laden with praise. However, his eyes snagged on the very bottom of the picture and he could have gasped out loud.

"Ciao Ciao, that's not-"

"All of us?" Ciao Ciao answered with a grin so big, it reminded Victor of a shark. "Indeed it is. We are mentioned very briefly in the review in fact, although nowhere near as flatteringly as Ms Lilia herself… you were right about the publicity Victor. I couldn't have paid enough to get that kind of attention. Front page of the paper and I barely needed to do anything!"

He gave a great bellowing laugh and Victor nodded along but he was only half-listening. Instead, he was staring at two figures silhouetted at the bottom of the picture, in the middle almost directly below Lilia's feet. They were barely visible in the darkness of the photo but their positions were very clear. One of them was heavily leaning into the other, their head so close they were almost touching and the other figure had their face turned towards them like they were whispering into the other's ear. The pose was so intimate that he could feel himself blushing a little just looking at it. It wasn't obvious who it was just from looking at it, both faces were in darkness but Victor could feel Ciao Ciao's smug eyes on him and he coughed loudly into his hand.

"Erm… do you might if I borrow this?"

"Not a problem." Ciao Ciao grinned. "I thought you might like it."

"You're too kind." Victor hastily rolled it back up and put it under his armpit. "I shall read it properly later."

"Of course you will." Ciao Ciao said, still grinning. "Now I was going to talk to you about capitalising on this new press, I think we can definitely work it to our advantage-"

Just then, there was a hesitant knock at the door. Both men's heads turned as it opened a tiny crack and a pair of nervous brown eyes peeped round at them.

"Ciao Ciao, sir?"

"Guang Hong, my boy, come in." Ciao Ciao waved his arm and the small man slowly entered the room, carefully closing the door behind him. Victor couldn't see much of his face as he was looking down at the floor but by the way he was twisting his hands together and the reluctant shuffling of his feet, he clearly didn't want to be there.

"There's a man here… he wants to see Victor."

"Oh?" Ciao Ciao looked down at the still seated Victor, who looked just as confused.

"Really? I haven't got any appointments scheduled."

"I… I don't think he has one." Guang Hong continued. "He seems rather angry though. I was trying to clear up the ring and he just marched in and demanded to see you…"

"Wait a minute." Victor's eyes narrowed. "What does he look like?"

Guang Hong looked down at his fidgeting hands. "He's tall, he's got an expensive suit on and he has a beard and silver hair like yours…"

"Oh Christ." Victor sighed and Ciao Ciao looked at him sympathetically. It didn't take a genius to work out who this mysterious man was. Ciao Ciao had heard all about what had happened at the ball in London and what had caused Yuuri to drink so much. He hadn't been happy to hear it then and he was definitely not pleased to hear the same man was on his grounds, ordering his staff about and making them anxious. That was the last thing they all needed.

"You know, I could have him escorted from the premises on the grounds of trespassing, I've done it before. I know most of the officers by name at this point…"

"No, no, that will just make it worse." Victor kept a calm look on his face even though inside, it felt like all his organs were sinking down into the chair. His mind had gone through a lot of bad outcomes since he had started at the circus but this one had somehow escaped him. He had never imagined his snob of a father, a man who looked down at most of the population like they were pests, would ever set foot in a place like this. He had thought he would be safe here, that the big top would act like some kind of armour. Clearly, he had been wrong.

"I'll handle this myself. Ciao Ciao, could I possibly borrow this room for our meeting? Hopefully it won't take long."

Ciao Ciao nodded. To anyone who hadn't spend any time with Victor, his voice would have sounded completely normal, but he could easily detect the icy edge his words now had. His eyes had narrowed into daggers and there was a tension in his shoulders that hadn't been there when he had walked in. Ciao Ciao motioned for Guang Hong to leave and the stagehand gladly did so, rushing out of the room like the floor was on fire.

"I'll send him in." Ciao Ciao said as he walked towards the door. He paused in the doorway, looking back at him with a worried frown. "Are you sure about this?"

Victor gave a short uncertain laugh. "Not at all." He said, his voice trying to sound amused but it fell very flat. "But if I don't do this now, it will never go away."

"Very well." Ciao Ciao closed the door and walked towards the ring, shaking his head. "I hope you know what you are doing young man…"

Victor sat there silently in the office, keeping his hands folded in his lap and his legs crossed. His frame was as still as a statue but his heart felt ready to pound out of his chest. He knew he didn't have long before his father entered the room and, as he heard the sharp sounds of angry footsteps approaching, he whipped out the newspaper he had folded up and stared down once again at the front page. For a second, his fingertip fell on the small figure he had noticed before and a surge of warmth poured into his cold body. This place, and one person in particular, had given him so much strength since he had come here and he was going to need all of it now.

He didn't look up as the door was thrown open. The first he saw of his father was his polished black dress shoes as he strode over and stood in front of Victor's chair. He could see the crisp sharp press of his black trousers and the wooden tip of his cane as he rapped it urgently against the floor. There was a long pause where Victor kept his eyes down on the paper. The air felt thick and cold, charged with so much tension that Victor could feel it in the pit of his stomach. However, he didn't say a word and it was down to his father to break the tension with a frustrated growl.

"Well?"

Victor finally glanced up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Well, what?"

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"

Victor scoffed. "You were the one who came here. I have nothing I want to say to you."

"Really?" Lord Nikiforov snarled. "You have nothing to say after that display you put on at the theatre last night? After your continued flouting of your reckless behaviour? Your mother always tried to excuse you, say you were a creative, but even she is appalled by this-"

"I don't care what she or you have to say about this." Victor cut over him coldly. "My decisions have been made by nobody else but me and I won't make excuses for them."

"Your mother-"

"Is not here so you shouldn't put words in her mouth."

"She is in despair over your actions. Did you know we had to leave the theatre early the other night after you spoke to her in that way? She was so upset that she didn't want to go to the concert last night, even though she was the one who wanted the tickets. I'm glad that she insisted on staying home. If she had seen what you were doing last night, consorting with that… that…"

"Choose your next words very carefully Father." Victor's voice suddenly went even colder, so cold that even Lord Nikiforov felt a shiver go down his spine. Victor stood up so his blue eyes could stare into his father's matching pair. "I won't have you insult my friend."

"Or what? What exactly are you going to do?" Lord Nikiforov glared. "Shame the family even more? Get back on the front page? Pour more scandal on the Nikiforov name with this friend of yours? I should think the whole of this city knows about him now after what you were doing in the front row. Coddling and fussing over him like…"

Lord Nikiforov looked physically sick and he couldn't even bear to finish the sentence. "For the sake of your mother, you need to stop this madness! We've made excuses for you before but I will not stand by and let you do this. You are to leave your position here at this… this place at once and you are to stop seeing that man immediately."

"I'm not a child anymore. You can't order me around or send me away." Victor snapped. "This place has made me happy, happier than I've been in a long while. I will not leave it just because you think it doesn't look good. I don't care what your friends and Mother's relatives will say. If you don't like it, just leave me alone. Usually, you are good at that!"

"Victor…" Lord Nikiforov gave a deep sigh before his voice came back with even more venom than before. "Please don't make me say this."

"What? You've never held back your insults before."

"This isn't an insult, it is an ultimatum." Lord Nikiforov's fingers clutched tighter around the ivory handle of his cane. "Let me give you a warning. If you do not quit this hideous place today and swear that you will never see that man again, I will be forced to disown you."

He stared at Victor, expecting to see shock and despair in his features. What he didn't expect was laughter, cold cruel laughter that felt like being chucked in an ice bath. "Is that it? Is that your big threat?" Victor laughed again and his father took a step back from him, clearly unnerved. "Oh of course someone like you would think that's the worst thing you could ever do to me. You really don't understand me at all, do you?"

"Victor, have you lost your mind!? This place has clearly made you insane!"

"Ha! Insane!" Victor suddenly stopped laughing and the dark look on his face made his father almost drop his cane. "I don't think I've ever thought so clearly in my life. That life I was living before, where I was going to parties all the time and forcing myself to smile and having you and Mother be oh so proud of me… I wasn't living at all! I was just following the motions, doing what I was supposed to do just so I could get by and I was so tired of it! I came to this place and it showed me how to be alive! It's full of people and stories you couldn't ever have the imagination to dream about and it's made me feel like I've come alive, like I'm a person again instead of just your puppet. I know now what I'm supposed to do and my life and love are here. I couldn't care less about you disowning me because I have something far better and more precious than your approval!"

Lord Nikiforov stared at his son like he had never seen him before. His eyes were wide like a stranger had just started shouting at him and for a moment, Victor forgot to breathe. His father's mouth opened and he flinched, expecting to hear more yelling but the voice that reached his ears was quiet and ragged.

"Victor please, think about this. You don't have to be here earning our living like these pathetic people. We are more than this." Lord Nikiforov urged him. His voice was close to desperation which shocked Victor more than anything he had actually said. His father had never pleaded, never begged anyone for anything and yet here he was, sounding on the verge of tearing his own hair out. "If you are disowned, you can never find your way back into our society. You will be shunned, doors will close in your face, our class will never appear at your plays again! Do you realise what that could do? You will be forced into the gutters, forced to be like these people! This isn't a game! You can't play in the dirt and expect to come back squeaky clean like nothing happened!"

"I don't want to go back! Not for you, not for anyone!" A silence fell that rang in Victor's ears. He stared into his father's eyes for a long moment, watching as the shock in them gave away to cold blazing fury. However, he couldn't find it in himself to care anymore. He had no power over him and he turned away. "Give my regards to Mother. I don't expect to see her anytime soon."

An indignant splutter escaped his father's lips. "Victor you can't serious." When his son didn't answer, he got angrier, his volume increasing until his voice was a roar.

"You're making the biggest mistake of your life! You think you'll be of any use to this place without your name? Without your contacts? That's all they're using you for! That businessman Celestini… he will cut you out the moment you aren't useful to him! Then where will you and your precious acrobat be?"

"I wouldn't worry about that." Victor responded cuttingly. "I'm none of your concern anymore."

He could see his father's arms fall to his sides out of the corner of his eye. All the wind seemed to leave the man and it left him standing there slumped over and limp, like a balloon losing air. Eventually, he straightened up and turned to leave. Victor waited until he was at the door before he spoke again.

"No matter what happens, Yuuri and I will be fine. I will make sure of that, with or without your precious family name. That always meant more to you anyway."

"I hope you remember this conversation when your precious Yuuri has dragged you down to the dirt." Lord Nikiforov growled back at him. "You will come to regret this Victor and when you do, don't come rushing to me or your mother. You may have the name but you have nothing else with it. It's as empty as this hellhole. Goodbye."

And with that, the door slammed shut and Victor was alone. He leaned back against the desk and took a great breath in. His father had left and taken all the tension with him but now the room felt empty. He felt like he should be relieved but instead he felt hollow, like all his insides had walked out the door with his father. As much as he would have hated to admit it, his father's words had got to him. It was like they had stuck to him like slime and he was too tired to try and shrug them off. He was officially disowned. He was officially alone.

He wondered if this had been inevitable. If the circus hadn't happened, he would have likely found something else that his parents would have equally hated. The one thing he was unsure of is if he would have stuck with it. If he had met this much resistance with anything else, would he have fought for it this much? An image of Yuuri from last night, happy and smiling and at ease, came to his mind and he knew he would have done this a thousand times over. His heart had fallen so hard, he couldn't imagine walking away from this place, from Yuuri. It was like Ciao Ciao had told him at the very beginning; the lost could be found in the circus and he definitely felt like he had found something here he hadn't had in a very long time.

He picked up the newspaper and headed out of the office, towards the bar. In a few hours, he would find Yuuri and let him know what had happened. For now, he needed some peace, quiet and a very stiff drink.

OOO

Yuuri's morning had gotten off to a wonderful start. He had woken up early, despite going to sleep late last night, and when Phichit had gotten to the ring, he had already been up in the air, going through his usual routine of tricks without really thinking about it. His limbs had been feather-light as he swung through the air almost lazily, his body automatically going through the motions of his tricks without him really thinking about it. There was no music playing in the ring but he felt like he was dancing to a tune only he could hear and when Phichit finally got started, it was all he could do to keep up with him.

"Slow down Yuuri! You're not supposed to be this awake at this time in the morning! It's illegal or something!"

Yuuri had just laughed as he continued to tumble but he had to admit, morning practise had never felt this good. He had barely slept last night after he had finally gone to bed as the concert had played over and over again in his head but he felt more awake than ever. That concert had been everything he ever dreamed of and when he thought about who had been there beside him the whole night, his heart felt like it was singing. It was everything a younger Yuuri had thought he couldn't have and he relished in the feeling like it was a warm bath.

When both acrobats had had enough and they sat panting on the benches by the ring, Phichit had seized his chance to interrogate his friend about the night before. "I still can't believe you sat like that all night long. You, the man who tried to run away the first time you saw Victor, you were practically on his lap last night! In front of the whole theatre!"

"I was not on his lap Phichit!"

"You almost were." Phichit gave a sly smile. "And you liked it."

"Stop it." Yuuri playfully shoved his friend's shoulder but he couldn't stop a wide smile from spreading across his face. "I still can't believe he got so many tickets at short notice… just so I would feel comfortable to go with him. It all just feels too good to be true."

"But it is true." Phichit insisted. "Anyone who does something like that is completely smitten and Victor was smitten with you from the first second he saw you on the trapeze. I wish there had been a photographer there to capture that moment, I would frame it and hang it over the ring-"

"Phichit!"

Phichit had then dissolved into fits of giggles whilst Yuuri sighed and shook his head at him. "You are impossible."

"True but what would you do without me?"

"Have an easy quiet life probably." Yuuri stood up and stretched his arms as his friend tried to look distraught but couldn't quite manage it. "How much longer have we got until the next show?"

"Not long, couple of hours maybe?" Phichit guessed. "Do you want to go over anything else whilst we're here?"

"No thank you. I'm going back to my room for a break."

"Is Victor going to have a break with you as well?" Phichit suggestively wriggled his eyebrows as Yuuri pretended to kick him.

"Phichit!"

Yuuri tried to sound cross but as he walked away from his still giggling friend, he couldn't help but laugh as well. His feet were lighter than air as he skipped away from the ring and he found he was tempted to twirl. He knew it was silly but he didn't want to be serious now. All he could think about, all he had thought about for the last few hours, was how brilliantly last night had gone. He had never imagined going to the theatre and feeling so comfortable, feeling so happy his heart could burst with it. And this time, there were no negative voices in his head, telling him that it was all a ruse. This time, everything was going to be easy.

As he walked towards his dressing room, he found himself in the labyrinth that ordinary audience members never got to see of the circus. The corridors were a dimly-lit tangle of set pieces, ropes and scattered props that had the unprepared and the unexperienced going around in circles. Yuuri however, knew this building like the back of his hand and he easily sauntered through in the direction of his dressing room. Then, he heard a strange noise ahead and his step halted. He was used to hearing odd noises in the circus, they did have a collection of big cats after all, but this was different. It sounded like angry stomping and it was getting menacingly closer.

Suddenly, a figure loomed out of the dim shadows in front of him and Yuuri froze. He was staring into a pair of blue eyes he remembered all too well and they rooted him to the spot in fear. He had seen their glacier colour before, at the ball in London, and he could already feel the insults like they were cigarette burns on his skin. He watched as those eyes went wide at the sight of him and the suited figure stopped in place.

"You."

The word was full of so much poison that Yuuri could feel its sting in his gut. He wanted to turn and run away, especially now he knew this man was Victor's father, but something made him stand his ground. The two men just stood there for a long moment, staring at each other as Lord Nikiforov's lip curled in disgust. Eventually, he was the first to turn away but not without an icy comment.

"So, you're Victor's friend."

Something in that snarl suddenly made Yuuri want to smile. It was obvious how much this other person hated him, how much he got under his skin and Yuuri found he was relishing it. Victor's father hated him because of the influence he had, because he knew he was the one making Victor happy against his wishes and that realisation was like wine on his tongue. He understood he had power here and it was divine. "Indeed. And you're his father. Are you leaving so soon?"

The question sounded innocent but it was clearly anything but a polite enquiry. Lord Nikiforov's eyes were burning with outrage but Yuuri just stood there in his path, quiet and mocking with his composure. There was a part of him internally screaming, begging him to get out of there, but he refused. He had known so many people who had hated him for his race but he had never been confident, never bold enough to toy with them in this way. That fact that he was doing this with Victor's father, the man who had made him feel so awful at the ball in London, made it even more delicious. Lord Nikiforov's discomfort was as clear as daylight and as his lip curled more with disgust, Yuuri just felt his smile get wider.

"That's a shame. You're not staying for the show? I thought for certain you'd enjoy it."

"How dare you!" Lord Nikiforov's pale skin almost went puce and Yuuri fancied he could almost see steam rising from his top hat. "You may be laughing now but you will live to regret the day you ever met my son."

"Maybe but I don't think your son regrets meeting me." Yuuri retorted and he saw the other man's mouth fall open in shock. "Have a good day sir."

He turned around and took a few steps, fully intending to swiftly walk away and never look upon his face again. However, Lord Nikiforov started talking and he found himself stopping.

"In all my years, I've never seen such a disgraceful display. This is what happens when the lower classes get hold of power, they just don't know how to handle it and make fools of themselves. To think Victor could have stooped so low… Well, you can keep him, if you can. I'm surprised he has been enamoured this long. He must really have been bored. Still, I wonder how long it will take him to cool off this time…"

"Excuse me?" Every part of Yuuri's body was trying to get him to move, to continue walking away but he felt frozen to the spot. Lord Nikiforov seemed to realise he had an audience as a dark smile spread slowly across his face like molasses and as Yuuri turned back to face him, he could see every one of his teeth. It was like looking into the mouth of a shark, one that had already picked him as their next prey and it sent a chill down his spine.

"Oh? I thought you must know." Lord Nikiforov sneered as he rolled his cane in his gloved hand like a magician about to perform a trick. "My son has always been a bit of a loose cannon. His mother always excused him, she always praised him for his creativity. Frankly, I think she spoiled him. He always thought he could get away with whatever he wanted. He's still like a child, wanting to pick up and play with every toy in the nursery but he always gets bored and breaks it. He gets restless, he throws himself into things recklessly but he will come to his senses and come back eventually. He always does."

"What do you mean?"

"He always gets these little infatuations. I guess it's the artist in him that just can't resist. Did he ever tell you about Paris? The acting school in Milan? Or that silly thing back in St Petersburg, I can't even remember her name now… Funny, there was a boy back at his boarding school that followed him around like a sick puppy but he got bored of him too. Endless admiration is just so tiring for him… But you never thought he would stay, did you? You're a trinket my dear, a plaything. How anyone could think you're of any worth-"

"Don't say that." Yuuri snapped over him. "Don't say those things about him."

"Why not?" Lord Nikiforov shrugged. "It's only the truth. I'm his father, do you think I don't know him? I think you knew it too. Didn't you ever wonder why he was so happy to be seen with you in public when no one else would? He's putting on a show of his own and you're playing right into it. His whole life is putting on a play and he just loves the part of Romeo, doesn't he?"

Yuuri blinked. It was like those blue eyes had seen his very soul and was forcing its fingers into all the little cracks of insecurity he had there. It was that little voice of doubt again, saying things that made his skin feel like ice. If it wasn't true, why did it hurt so much?

Lord Nikiforov stared at him, like a sculptor admiring his handiwork.

"It was a good thing I was able to see him this morning and remind him where he really belongs. But of course, I'll get going now. You do have a show to put on after all."

He turned away and disappeared into the shadows. Yuuri heard the sound of his cane as it thudded away from him, each sound like a hammer driving a wedge through his heart.

Was that all he ever was? Another notch on a belt? Something to pass the time? He couldn't believe it, he didn't want to, but those words had settled into him like pellets under his skin and he didn't know how to remove them. He stood there for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few minutes. His body felt cold all over and when he moved, his limbs were as heavy as stone. He didn't quite know how but he forced himself to move forwards, completely unaware of his surroundings as he limped on like a wounded animal. His head was reeling like he had taken a blow and when he blinked, he realised he was crying. His cheeks were wet with tears and even when he wiped them away, he was powerless to stop them coming. He kept moving until his body was leaning against a wall and he suddenly found himself biting back a howl of anguish.

How could he had been so stupid?

He berated himself more as he slumped down into a ball, his weeping eyes pressed against his knees as he sobbed and sobbed. This was everything he had feared. From the moment he had met Victor, he had been terrified that Victor would be like everyone else, that he would look down on him, see him as other from himself. He had convinced himself that would be the case but Victor had smashed through all his expectations. He had made him feel so special, like he was the only one who mattered. But didn't he make everyone feel that way? Was he so good at it because he had done it so many times before? The air around Yuuri felt like it was full of ghosts, all laughing at him for falling for the same trick. It had been the best trick he had ever seen, an illusion like no other. And now it was all gone, leaving Yuuri in pieces. It had come crashing down in the worst way possible. The little niggling doubts he had had before were now colossal and he didn't have the strength to deny them. He didn't want it to be true but the way Victor's father had spoken had awakened all his deepest insecurities and made them all come true. And the man, as horrible as he was, was Victor's father, surely he would know his son better than anyone…

He knew he couldn't stay there on the floor forever. If somebody found him and asked him what was wrong, Yuuri didn't think he could take the pain of explaining. It would be so much worse if it was Phichit, who had supported him the whole time and had just wanted him to be happy, or if it was Victor… Slowly, he made himself stand back up and keep walking. His legs felt wobbly and he kept swaying like he was drunk but he soon made it to the back rooms of the circus, the ones rarely used where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed. He just wanted to be alone.

He entered the nearest door and he recognised the room immediately. It was the same empty dressing room he and Victor had stayed on his first night at the circus, the one where they had properly spoken for the first time. Fresh pain surged through him again and he nearly cried out. He still remembered that night so vividly, the warmth of Victor's body as he had taken his weight and the desperate plea he had seen in those blue eyes to stay. Those eyes had kept him by his side all night long but now Yuuri felt like he should have walked away. Maybe then, he wouldn't have gotten hurt…

He stumbled over to the bed and collapsed on it, hearing the door swing closed behind him and leaving him in darkness. He curled up into a ball on top of the blanket and buried his face in it, letting the soft material soak up his tears.

He didn't know how long he spend laying there in the darkness but the next thing he knew, there was a loud banging sound and he could hear Phichit's worried voice calling for him.

"Yuuri? Are you in there?"

"I'm in here." His voice sounded groggy as he responded and when a flushed Phichit entered the room, he sat up slowly and winced. His body felt stiff as a board from his curled-up position and as his limbs untangled, he could feel his muscles protesting.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Phichit's chest was heaving as he spoke and Yuuri realised he must have been running all over the building to try and find him. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest; he hadn't meant to worry his friend so much. "Nobody's seen you all afternoon, Victor is looking for you too…"

Yuuri hadn't anticipated the slam of pain he would feel on hearing his name and he could have fallen back onto the bed with the strength of it.

"Nothing happened, I'm perfectly fine." Yuuri said as he stood and straightened himself up, ignoring how sore most of his body felt. This was the price he paid for not resting his body properly and he felt himself grimacing as he tried to smile reassuringly at Phichit. By the concerned look on his friend's face, it hadn't worked. "When does the next show start?"

"It's already started…" Phichit admitted. "We're on in a few minutes but Yuuri, if you're not feeling well, I can just perform on my own, I'll let Ciao Ciao know, he'll understand-"

"Phichit, I'm fine. I can do it." Yuuri strode urgently from the room and started making his way towards the ring. His legs felt rigid and clunky as he walked but he forced them forwards, gritting his teeth as his body loudly complained. "We'll just go over what we practised this morning, that will be easy."

"OK…" Phichit still sounded worried as he hurried after him. "Maybe I should ask the stagehands to put the nets up…"

"No nets." Yuuri's words suddenly flashed with anger and Phichit almost stopped in his tracks. He had never heard his friend sound like this before. On the outside, to anyone else, he would have looked normal but to Phichit, it felt like there was a wounded tiger crouching inside his friend, dangerous and unpredictable and ready to pounce. He wanted to shout at him to stop, to grab him and demand to know what was going on inside his head but they were now close enough to the ring to hear the roar of the audience and Yuuri was already heading up the steps to the platform.

"Yuuri, please be careful." He beseeched him but Yuuri didn't even turn around. As he chalked up his hands and looked over the ropes to make sure they were all in place, he felt like his chest was burning and tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. He felt like such an idiot. How had he let himself come to this? How had he let someone so easily slip in and steal away with his heart? He should have known it was all too good to be true. Why hadn't he just listened…

He felt like crumpling to his knees but the noise of the crowd outside managed to keep him upright. He could still see Victor's face in his mind, still hear his beautiful words but everything felt tainted now, like someone had taken a paintbrush and smeared the lines of a priceless piece of art. Part of him was still desperate to believe it had been true, but the rest of the voices Yuuri could hear were mocking, sarcastic, gleeful to see him in ruins. He felt like he was back at those theatre steps with Victor's parents looking down at him but this time, they were laughing at him for being such a fool. Did you really think he loved you? They said cackling as they glared down with eyes full of malice. You poor thing, you really thought it was all real. Did you really think anyone as great and wonderful as him could ever be satisfied with someone like you…

Yuuri forced back a sob as he clutched the ropes tighter. It was like he had said before, everyone had an act and he had fallen for the greatest trick of all.

"And now…" Ciao Ciao's bellowing voice came soaring up from the ring. "Ladies and gentleman, prepare yourselves for our most spectacular act yet…"

Yuuri automatically found himself going towards the edge of the platform. He stood in his regular position, toes wriggling over the edge and his arms stretched out in front. As Ciao Ciao's words washed over him, he took a deep breath. He just needed to get through this one performance and then he would be fine. He knew all eyes would be on him for the next few minutes and usually that excited him, but now he was filled with dread. He wondered if Victor was down there, watching him as well, and he felt a tear roll slowly down his cheek. He hastily wiped it away as music started playing from below and he leapt into action. He just had to survive this one show and then… then he wasn't sure. Until then, he just needed to not look down.

OOO

Meanwhile, down in the audience in the front row, Victor was staring up at the ceiling in anticipation, his eyes scanning the air for his first sight of Yuuri. He appeared calm on the outside but his left leg was bouncing up and down in a fast anxious rhythm and his hands were clenched tightly into fists. He had spent the last couple of hours looking for the acrobat but Yuuri had proved elusive. None of the other acts or the stagehands had caught a glimpse of him all afternoon and when he had spoken to Phichit, he had started a search of his own. He must have been successful if Ciao Ciao was just announcing them but Victor couldn't shake off a funny feeling that something was wrong. He had tried to tell himself that Yuuri was just busy with something else, that his whole life didn't revolve around him or the circus but it just didn't feel right. Yuuri was good at disappearing and usually if he had disappeared, it meant he was avoiding something. But what could he have been so desperate to avoid?

Could it be me? Victor thought suddenly as the spotlights turned to the sky. But why would that be? Last time I saw him, we were fine, it had been perfect. Unless… A horrible thought snaked into his mind and he felt his chest go numb at the thought. Surely not… surely that couldn't have happened… he wouldn't have seen…

His trail of thought didn't go any further as at that moment, a brightly coloured figure went flying above his head and the audience around him began cheering. Victor gasped as Yuuri went spinning through the air, a vision of sparkling colour, before he was effortlessly caught by a swooping Phichit, hanging upside down from the trapeze. The audience roared approval as Yuuri was casually tossed to another trapeze and he caught it easily, hanging from one arm as he flew through the air like the most magnificent bird of paradise. The pair then started their routine, one Victor knew practically off by heart now. However, as his eyes followed the acrobats around the ring, that feeling crept up on him again and it felt now like it was seeping through his veins as he watched.

Something felt off.

Yuuri usually flowed through the air like water but, even from the ground, Victor could see that his body was as stiff as a plank. His movements were jerky, his limbs were moving sluggishly and Phichit was being extra careful, keeping as close as he could to Yuuri as they performed their tricks simultaneously. Victor felt himself lean forwards until he was on the edge of his seat. Yuuri was usually so in control up in the air but he looked almost frantic now, like he was pushing himself to finish the performance as soon as humanly possible.

Something was definitely off.

Victor's head turned to his right, in the direction of the shadowy curtain that he knew Ciao Ciao would be position in front of, ready to announce the next act. Even from this distance, he could see alarm masking the ringmaster's stoic face and he felt his stomach sink. He had hoped he was imagining all this but seeing the ringmaster look scared for his charge made him realise how serious this was. Oh no… An icy chill went though him as his earlier thought resurfaced. Please don't tell me he ran into…

The audience swelled with more applause as Yuuri and Phichit continued, growing more and more daring with their tricks. They were once more on separate trapezes, Phichit almost lazily swinging back and forth as Yuuri was swinging higher and higher. Victor's heart was in his mouth; he knew the trick that was going to come next and his body was filling with fear. He knew that at the highest point of the trapeze's arc, Yuuri was going to let go, flipping though the air and falling until, just at the right moment, Phichit would dive in to catch him. It was the last trick in their act, a final spectacular flourish that got the audience on their feet every single time. Victor stood up as he watched Yuuri go through his regular motions but they were still stiff and wrong. The trapeze was getting higher and higher and Victor could feel his heart pounding in time with it. The danger had never felt more real to him and as he watched Ciao Ciao edge closer to the ring, he went with him, leaving his seat to get closer. It felt like they were all on a knife edge and the feeling of dread only increased the longer he stared at Yuuri's figure, high up in the air.

Then, it happened. Victor watched helplessly as Yuuri let go of the trapeze. He started spinning but it was too fast, too frantic and the whole audience caught their breath. Phichit swooped in but Yuuri was falling too fast and instead of grabbing his hand and hauling him to safety, their fingers brushed each other in the air.

The next moment seemed to happen in slow motion for Victor. Afterwards, he would remember it in perfect, painful clarity. He saw the shock on Yuuri's face as his hand reached out into thin air. He remembered how Phichit had desperately tried to fight the force of gravity, his arms clawing as he tried to keep his trapeze where it was and grab his friend. He remembered hearing Ciao Ciao shouting from the wings, his voice aching and straining for someone to grab the nets but they all knew it would be too late. He saw that, for just a moment, Yuuri seemed to hold himself there, tethered to nothing, defying the forces that would have him fall. In that one perfect moment, he almost seemed free. But then it was over and he started to plummet.

Victor wasn't sure quite what happened after that. When going over it later, it was too much of a blur, like he had been watching it through misty glass. All he did know was, that one moment he was running towards the centre of the ring, towards a falling Yuuri, and the next moment, everything had gone dark.