J
I was picking at my breakfast, trying to eat, but I couldn't focus on the food. I was hungry. But that wasn't anything new. Taehyung didn't starve me or punish me by denying me food, but it also wasn't like I was consistently allowed three meals and snacks a day. There was too much mind to focus on eating. At least the kids were eating well.
When the front door opened, my eyes snapped up, seeing Marie and Megan walk in. My heart softened immediately. They'd been my best friends. They raced to the booth. Lisa moved quickly, letting me out without me having to ask. She always knew what I wanted and needed before I asked for it. Arms were thrown around me, and excited greetings. We were all talking over each other, hugging, and I was crying.
Marie pointed out her kids, but there was no way I was going to remember their names on the first pass. Five kids? Wow.
I could feel Lisa's eyes on me, and when I turned to look at her, she was staring at me, head tilted to the side. She had a look in her eyes. I couldn't figure out what it meant.
"I gotta go to church," she said, grabbing me and dragging our bodies close together.
"We'll take care of her," Marie promised her. "Get her some clothes and make sure the kids settle in okay."
"Thank you." She said the words with so much sincerity my heart clenched.
"Thank you," I murmured, eyes cast down.
"I'll come find you as soon as church is done."
"Okay." She looked like she wanted to kiss me, but she was unsure where we stood, if that was what I wanted with all eyes on us, with my kids sitting right there. I couldn't let her go without one though, so I kissed her. I felt a small smile against my lips and then she was gone, leaving me with friends I haven't seen in years.
"Come sit with us," Megan said, pulling my hand. I looked back at my kids, but I saw they were already being welcomed by Marie's kids. My heart clenched and the worry seeped out of my skin, making me relax.
I let them pull me to a booth. And then, instantly, we weren't alone. There were women everywhere, all shapes and sizes, welcoming smiles on their faces.
"Hi," a pretty brunette said. She looked intimidating. "I'm Rachel. Seokmin's old lady."
I remembered Lisa saying most of the men had old ladies now, and I didn't know what I was expecting from the woman who landed Seokmin, but Rachel seemed to fit the bill: welcoming, confident, but…lethal. Yeah, I'm a little terrified of her.
"I'm Charlie," a blonde said. "Jaehyun's old lady." Last I knew Jaehyun was fucking Brenda. She was sitting there too, huge ring on her finger. Who did she belong to? "Carrie," another blonde said. She was gorgeous, the biggest of the group, and had the most warm smile of anyone I'd ever seen. "Ten's old lady."
"Been a long time," Brenda said. She was obviously pregnant, and was eyeing me cautiously. We were never overly close, friendly, but not like I was with Megan and Marie. "I'm Lucas's old lady now."
"Was he here before I left?" I ask. The name doesn't ring any bells. Come to think of it, I didn't know who Carrie was talking about either. Or maybe I did? Everything was messed up in my head, and trying to remember names of all the guys from years ago. Some of them had the same road names as the ones from Taehyung's club, making it harder.
"Hi," a pretty, very tall, pregnant, raven haired woman said walking up to the table. "I'm Tiffany," she introduced herself. She had traces of an accent, and slid into the booth. "Nickhun's old lady," she continued.
"I'm Jennie," I said. "Lisa's..."
"Old lady," Marie finished for me when I hesitated. Lisa hadn't said the words, but she'd laid her claim on me, and I came back to her after all these years.
"Kids?" Rachel asked, nodding her head towards where Holden and Olive were already making friends, playing on the floor.
"Not hers," I whispered.
"Couldn't have been," Tiffany said. "I showed up a few months ago with Nickhun's kid he'd never met."
My eyes widened and she smiled at me, like she was trying to communicate that whatever I was going through, I would never be alone. I felt a sense of comradery I never had anywhere else but here.
"There's a story there," I replied.
"Oh yeah." And then she started. I listened to her tell the story about how she and Nickhun met, how she was the daughter of a Mexican president. How she hired the club to help her escape, the one night stand with Nickhun, and running back to him when she had nowhere else to go. That was the most relatable part of the story, the inner knowledge, soul deep that told me to come back to Lisa.
"Wow," I whispered when she finished. She nodded her head. "So, whatever you've got going on, we've got you." Tears filled my eyes and I smiled at her, unable to get any words out.
"What's the deal?" Rachel asked directly.
I looked at Marie and she nodded her head. If she trusted Rachel, that was good enough for me.
"Lisa is the love of my life," I admitted easily. "When she enlisted, I waited for her. But." My throat thickens with emotion, reliving one of the most painful memories of my life. "My dad sold me to the Raiders to pay off his debt. I tried to run away, almost made it back here the night before the wedding, but they caught me. I've spent six years living in hell."
I didn't need to tell them all the dirty details, the years of built up trauma.
"He used the kids to keep me in line." All of them kept neutral faces, and I was sure they all had their own traumas. You didn't walk into a club like this because you were unscarred. "I stayed because he never hurt them. Last night, that changed. So I ran."
"And Doc welcomed you back with open arms?" Carrie asked. "Sorry!" she squeaked out immediately. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I mean, I'm not surprised." She was rambling, but no one was stopping her, so I just let her go. "I've been around a few years now, and she hasn't ever had sex with any of the soul suckers." My eyes widened. Yeah, she told me as much, that she hadn't been with anyone, and of course I believed her. Lisa would never lie to me, but still, hearing it from someone who wasn't her felt…purer.
"We always knew she had somebody special," Charlie said. "Guess we figured it out."
"You all are really welcoming," I said.
"Told you it'd be fine," Marie said, bumping me shoulder to shoulder.
"So, tell me about the kids," I said. And that was all it took for me to feel like this really was home, like I'd never left, like I'd never have to leave again. They all talked over each other, telling me about their kids. There were so many of them, and I shouldn't be surprised considering how the guys like to fuck.
I learned Carrie was a nurse, and she went on and on about birth control and the importance of it while everyone else made fun of her. I really liked all of them. There was an ease and familiarity between them, like just like just the brothers, they were best friends. No one made me feel like an outsider, as if I didn't belong.
I wasn't surprised to learn Megan didn't have kids, or even that she didn't want them. When it was just me, Marie, and her, she said as much. She seemed content in a way she never was before, like being with Greaser for so long finally gave her the peace she truly needed. It looked good on her.
Eventually, the conversation drifted back to how they met their men, and I learned about each of them. These women were my type of women. They went after what they wanted and didn't hold back. I loved the stories about how they put the guys in their place when it was necessary, how they didn't let themselves get walked all over like the old ladies of the Raiders'.
That was the difference between bad boys who were bad men and bad boys who were good men. This club was full of bad boys, no one could argue that. They broke the law without giving it a second thought. They all had blood on their hands, lots of it. But they loved their women fiercely, loved their kids, and their brothers, put themselves last to serve others around them.
That makes them good men, regardless of how they live outside the law. Nothing is black and white, everything in life exists in shades of gray. These men thrived in it, finding the balance between right and wrong for their souls. And their women loved them for it.
I loved Lisa for it, always had.
And when the doors to the conference room opened, and the men started pouring out again, I found Lisa immediately. I felt the sparks between us, even with her standing on the other side of the room.
My heart raced in my chest as she strode purposefully towards me.
Mine.
The table falls quiet as she approaches, and I can feel them all watching–assessing–our interaction. I'm not new to the club, not really. Or the life. I know how it works, but I also know this club works differently. There's no way a single woman at this table doesn't know the ins and outs of the club's workings, everything the brothers aren't supposed to tell their old ladies. Except, maybe Megan. She never wanted to know.
"You finished?" Lisa asks.
"Yeah," I breathe. Being around her again is still so surreal, and I'm terrified if I blink this is all going to be a horrible dream. That I'll wake up tied up with Taehyung staring at me menacingly, a knife in his hand, threatening to cut me to pieces for trying to leave him. But when all the women to my left let me slide out of the booth, and I walked right into Lisa's arms, I knew my nightmare was over.
"Come on," she whispered.
"The kids," I hesitated.
"They're fine. Look."
I tracked his finger to where she pointed at them. Sure enough, they were standing with a bunch of other kids, bein corralled by two older women who I assumed were the club's nannies. Never did I think I'd see the day where a motorcycle club had in home daycare, but there I was.
They were too distracted, happy to make their own friends, and didn't even notice I was slipping past them, back down the hall and into the clinic.
"You okay?" Lisa asked when we were alone.
"Overwhelmed," I admitted.
"I know." She pulled me until we were sitting on one of the couches, facing each other while we relaxed. How was it possible to slip so easily back into things? It felt like only a few days ago since I saw her last. My body knew. My body knew every time she was close that it'd been way too long since she touched me, but my heart didn't. My heart knew her, recognized her as the love of my life, reached out for her, anchoring us together.
"What happened at church?" I asked. It felt weird to ask so casually. I always would before, and she would share everything with me.
I know Lisa, to her core, to the soul of who she is. I know her demons, know her urges to cut and kill. She never hid any of that from me, and it never made me afraid of her. Lisa would never hurt me, not without me asking her to, begging her for the blade.
"We're on lockdown." I winced. Lockdowns were never easy. Too many people in one spot, all living on top of each other. Add in a dozen rowdy kids who needed to run and play. It was hard.
"How long?"
"As long as it takes."
"Take for what?" I asked quietly.
"To make sure you're safe," she replied easily. I swallowed around the emotion in my throat.
"Do they hate me?" I ask, looking down.
Lisa always had the most intense eyes of any person I'd ever known, and that hadn't changed. I loved looking at them, but sometimes it was too much, especially now, with the guilt and shame.
Lisa, always in tune to what I was feeling, cupped my face warmly. It was such a contrast to how she touched me roughly when she fucked me, but it was what I needed, and she knew that.
"No one could ever hate you, babe." I nodded at her, still unsure. "I told you last night, but I know everything was stressful, but Jack took care of the GPS on the van. We can't ditch it unfortunately, risk it being spotted, but we're gonna pull it into the garage. Just in case."
Guilt threatened to swarm me again. I brought so much danger with me when I came running back to her, but I couldn't regret it, not when she looked at me like she did, not when she took care of me like she always did.
"And then?"
"He'll figure out you're here eventually." Lisa was choosing her words carefully, and it made me uneasy. She was never been like that with me before, never had to be. I didn't know if it was the newness or if it was because my kids were involved this time. "I won't let anything happen to you," she vowed. And I believed her. Of course I believed her. "I claimed you."
"Good." It was the only answer. There was no point in waiting, trying to figure out how we fit together. We just did. It didn't matter how much time had passed, how different our lives looked than when I was stolen from her. We belonged to each other. Even when I couldn't have her, I still belonged to her.
We stared at each other for a moment, letting the current between us flow and spark.
"Is there a plan other than wait and see?" I asked when I couldn't take the tension anymore. There was nothing I wanted to do more than climb on top of her, and remind her over and over how glad I was to have her back. Now was not the time. I couldn't let the silence go on too long otherwise we'd combust. Wait and see seemed an awful lot like fuck around and find out–not the world's best strategy.
"Not really," she shrugged.
"It won't take him long to show up."
"I'm counting on it," Lisa said, voice low and threatening. "Because I'm going to fucking kill him." The words didn't scare me. Not even a little. They had the opposite effect. They made me tingly all over for her, from head to toe, and especially in the middle.The only person worthy of you is the one prepared to kill for you. "And after I finish with him, I'm gonna kill your father."
Locking eyes with her, I shook my head no. "No, you're not." Her mouth fell open, shocked I was defending him, and I guaranteed she didn't expect the next words out of my mouth. "You're not going to kill him, because I am."
Lisa's mouth fell open, snapping closed. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. I watched as she scrubbed a hand down her face, staring at me, unblinking like she was trying to figure out if she heard me correctly or not. she did.
"You're going to kill him?"
"Yes. He took me from you. Sold me to Taehyung. Sent me off to be beaten and raped every day of my life for the last six years." Anger filled her eyes at my words, and she reached for me. From anyone else, I would have flinched, but not from her. I knew I was safe with her touch, and it would never scare me. "I want to be the one to kill him."
"Is it wrong that makes me hard?" she asks. I know her question is serious, and this conversation is nothing to laugh at, but I do. It's always been like that with us. Easy. Even in the darkest of times, and these are definitely some of the darkest.
"No."
"Good," she said. "You can kill him, but you'll need help."
"I know."
"Fuck, I want you so bad." She wrapped her hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a hard and fast kiss.
"Later," I promised.
"Later," she agreed. "Because we always party the first night of lockdown. And I'm going to claim you the only way I know how…" She trailed off, letting the words hang in the air between us. And I knew exactly what was coming next. "In front of every single person in the club, so no one ever forgets, you belong to me."