J
It had only been a week since I showed up on Lisa's doorstep, kids tucked into the back of a stolen SUV, running for my life and theirs. But it felt like so much longer. It felt like no time had passed between us, like I stepped right back in time, falling into perfect sync with the only one I ever should have been with.
The only reason I'd never regret the time we lost together is my children. I hated Taehyung with every fiber of my being, so damn much I hated him, but I loved my children, and because of that, no matter what I went through, I couldn't regret the time I was forced to spend away from Lisa.
"What are you thinking?" Lisa asked while I laid in her arms. We'd moved into one of the bigger rooms upstairs that had a second room attached to it. Lucas had been busy converting a lot of the rooms into smaller like apartments–specifically for lockdown purpose when the old ladies and kids were forced to stay in the clubhouse too.
"That it's too quiet," I whispered, anxiety filing my stomach.
"Everyone is probably just still asleep?" she phrased it like a question, missing my point completely, very unlike her.
"I mean with Taehyung and the club."
"Oh." I nodded my head against her and her arms tightened around me, offering me physical protection, but I needed protection from my brain. There was no imminent danger, not currently. The only threat was in my mind. The physical one would be there soon enough, but imagining it was starting to take its toll on me. I felt rundown.
"Yeah," I murmured.
"Come here," she said, rolling so I was laying on top of her, not that we had to change positions much to get like that, I was already half on top of her. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." His words were a growl, a deadly promise. I knew everything was moving too slowly for her too, but Seokmin had his own ideas about what to do, and since he was well–Seokmin–there was no arguing with him. Things would happen when and how he wanted.
"I know." If there was one thing I was absolutely sure of, something I could never doubt in a million years, it was how far Lisa would go to protect me.
"I'll talk to Seokmin later and figure out where we're at."
I nodded against her naked chest, not verbalizing my response because I knew exactly where we were at. Seokmin was still going to say he wanted to wait for Taehyung to make the first move, to be the one to reach out. The question remaining was if Taehyung was going to wait until he had proof I was here–which he couldn't get–or if he was just going to assume my location and take matters into his own hands without evidence.
Lisa didn't want to wait. She wanted to take her revenge and she wanted it now. I did too.
"Mom?" I heard Olive's voice call from the doorway. She and Holden were warming up to Lisa. It helped that she'd given them no reason to fear them.
I hated the way they sometimes flinched around her though, how Holden's eyes were extra cautious whenever he watched Lisa and me interact. I guess I didn't do as good of a job as I thought shielding them from the things Taehyung did to me.
"Come on, sweetie," I called, sitting up.
Lisa's t-shirt hung off my shoulder as I opened my arms to welcome my daughter. She scrambled onto the bed and settled on my lap.
"Is everything okay?" I asked her. It was a stupid question. Her entire life had been uprooted; of course she wasn't okay. Holden wasn't either, although he seemed to be adjusting better than Olive. Maybe because he was younger? He loved playing with the other kids.
"Yeah," she answered softly, nuzzling against me. "I'm hungry."
"I can make you some breakfast," Lisa offered. She was trying hard to connect with her. Holden took to her like a fish to water, trusted her implicitly and completely the first moment he saw her. Olive was more skeptical–but she was like that with everything in her life. Always had been. Since she was a baby. She didn't get it from me. "What do you like?" she asked.
"Can you cook?" she asked, voice conveying all the doubt she had about her abilities.
"As a matter of fact, I can," she said, voice holding a teasing note as she tilted her head down at her.
"She can," I told her, wrapping my arms tighter around her. "She's actually a very good cook." That might be a slight exaggeration, but she could work her way around the kitchen when it came to breakfast foods.
"French toast," she whispered.
"Made to order," Lisa said, sliding out of bed.
"With bacon."
"You got it, squirt," she said, smiling at her. I looked down at Olive to find her smiling back at Lisa, the first true, genuine smile I'd seen from her since we got here. My heart relaxed a little, knowing she was going to be okay. This was going to be one of the hardest things I ever put her through, but in the long run, it would be better for her.
"I'll go get breakfast started," Lisa said once she was dressed in her cut.
"I'll wake up Holden and we'll meet you downstairs," I replied. She nodded and then was gone, leaving us in our room. We'd only been here a short time, but still, it felt so much more like home than the clubhouse and Taehyung. He was never my home. "Let's go." Olive hopped off the bed and strode into the room she shared with her brother. Holden was still asleep, half hanging off the bed like most toddlers do–wid and chaotic when they sleep.
"You hungry?" I asked, shaking him gently.
He mumbled something in his sleep, rolling towards my voice. I rubbed his chest soothingly. I always hated waking him up, but I wasn't comfortable letting him wander around the clubhouse just yet…not alone anyway. It wasn't that I didn't trust any of the brothers here, but he didn't know his way around and he didn't know who he could trust other than Lisa and the friends he made. I wanted him to know everyone else a little better before I let him have free reign.
He had it at Taehyung's clubhouse even though I didn't trust anyone there. But that wasn't something I had control over then. I did now.
"Lisa is making French toast," I told him.
"With bacon," Olive added enthusiastically. That got Holden's attention, causing him to sit up instantly.
"I'm up," he said sleepily, rubbing the backs of his eyes.
I helped him dress and waited until Olive pulled her own clothes on before leaving the room.
The bar area of the clubhouse was already in full swing as we made our way into it. Holden took off immediately, heading straight for Storm and Reed who were just a little younger than he was. Olive clung to me, and I wouldn't force her to play with anyone. She was in between the ages of most of the kids anyway, younger than Ten and Carrie's adopted daughter, younger than Marie's oldest, but older herself than the kids who seemed to have magically appeared after I left. Seriously–these guys were busy.
I walked with her to the booth we'd been sitting in since we arrived. Sometimes I sat with the other old ladies, and other times I sat with Lisa. I really liked the old ladies. They did not mess around, were fiercely protective, but incredibly warm and welcoming.
It was only a few minutes later Lisa appeared with four plates balanced perfectly on her arms. She called Holden one time, and I was impressed with how quickly my son listened, wondering if it would have been that easy if she wasn't carrying a plate of sweet French toast.
She set the plates down, kissed my head and then disappeared again, only to return with coffee for the two of us and glasses of milk for the kids.
"Everyone have everything they need?" she asked.
The kids nodded their heads while I spoke, "Yes."
"Good."
Lisa's hand went to my thigh while we ate. She kept her attention on the kids, talking to them about random things, genuinely trying to get to know them: their favorite food, color, cartoon, sport. Literally anything she could think to ask she did. The entire time she did that, she listened with her full attention, but like the practiced killer she was, she kept her eyes on the room at all times too, assessing, making sure there was no threat.
In the last week I learned there had been two drive by shootings since I left, but that all the glass had since been replaced with bullet proof glass, and the gate at the front had been reinforced. And we were still on lockdown. We should be safe, but Lisa was Lisa, never letting her guard down, ready to protect the three of us if anything happened.
And I knew she was worried about Taehyung. She knew she could protect us, kill Taehyung single handedly, but she didn't want to take the risk of anything happening to us either. She loved me, and by default, loved my kids like they were hers, and I loved her even more for that.
I found myself staring at her, wondering what type of person it took to so easily slip into that roll–parent. That's what she was being. A protector. Nurturer. Provider.
And fuck me was it sexy.
Like she knew what I was thinking, her hand tightened around my thigh under the table, some type of urgency to get me to calm down. I felt the threat in her touch, the overwhelming possession, the warning to get it together before she dragged me to the bathroom to fuck me quick and dirty.
Honestly, I might just beg her for it.
"Mommy?" Holden said. By the tone of his voice, it sounded like he'd been trying ot get my attention for a few minutes.
Focus, Jennie.
"Sorry, what is it, sweetie?"
"Is this home now?" he asked, popping another bite of French toast into his mouth.
"For now," I answered cautiously. "We'll need to find a house at some point." He didn't look phased at all by my response. Whew.
I looked at Olive, but she was still focused on her breakfast, seemingly unaffected by the question.
"I have a place, you know," Lisa whispered so only I could hear.
"Really?" I asked.
She nodded, glancing back at the kids, finding them engrossed in the syrup and melting butter on their plates. "Last couple years, all the guys have invested in real estate. I had money laying around, so I bought a house."
"Where?" I asked.
"Close by. About fifteen minutes away. Closest brother to it is Lucas. He's got an old farm a few miles from my place."
That was nice. I really liked Brenda.
"What are you saying, Lisa?" I needed her to be very specific.
"What do you think I'm saying, babe? I want you. I want us to be a family. I want you to move in with me." My throat felt thick, eyelids heavy with emotion.
"I need to see the house first," I said, voice teasing. It's the only way for me to say anything through the emotions racing through me.
"Oh?" she asked voice low and growly, hand sliding higher up my thigh. "You need to see the house first?" Her voice is low and dangerous, the same one she uses on me when she's got a knife against my skin. And just like then, there's no fear.
"No," I finally whispered. "I just need you."
"Good girl."
Whatever response I had dies when Rachel stops in front of our table.
"Hey," she greeted casually. I liked Rachel, but she also terrified me. I wasn't afraid of anyone really. Not even Lisa, who I knew was deadly, nor the other brothers who killed without second thought–Lucas and Nickhun specifically, but hell even Seokmin didn't have clean hands, no matter how much he liked to get others to do his dirty work for him. But Rachel was as cunning as she was lethal; it was obvious. I had no doubt that if one of the old ladies ever needed to be taken care of because they crossed the club, it would be her pulling the trigger. I made a mental note to ask Lisa for more details about her.
"Hey," I replied.
"I just wanted to see if you were settling in okay."
"Yeah." I smiled reassuringly at her. "We're doing okay." I looked at the kids who were looking at their nearly empty plates. "Kids, you guys are doing okay, right?" I asked, trying to get them to answer. I wanted them to be comfortable here, and since Rachel was the leader of The Pride–as I learned the old lady club was called–that meant they needed to be comfortable around her.
"Yes," Olive answered, looking up at Rachel.
The easy smile on Rachel's face broadened, becoming less biker old lady and more mother as she squatted down to Olive's level. "I bet you don't have a lot of clothes around here that first you, huh?" Rachel asked. Olive shook her head no. "Why don't we see if we can fix that. There's so many clothes in the nursery. A lot of it is from when Marie's daughter was younger, and Petra is small for her age."
"Okay," Olive agreed. She wasn't hugely into clothes, but without anything else to do during the lockdown, it might be the thing to finally make her feel at home here. That was all I wanted for her–and for Holden.
"You coming with us?" Rachel asked me, holding her hand out for Olive.
"Go," Lisa encouraged before I could answer, doing for me what I was doing for my daughter. "I need to go see Seokmin anyway."
"Okay." she stood, letting me out of the booth. I turned to watch Olive and Holden climb out, but Olive was apparently taking too long for Holden because he dove under the table, full of energy and hyped up on maple syrup, racing straight for Storm and Reed. I shake my head at him, but am thankful one of my kids is having such an easy time adjusting.
Lisa took my wrist and tugs me gently until our lips collide for a brief kiss. She never let me walk away without kissing me. I loved it.
"Let's go," Rachel said enthusiastically, walking down the hall towards the nursery. The nannies were in the bar area, which meant there weren't any kids in the nursery right now, and I wondered if Rachel designed it that way on purpose, knowing Olive would be more comfortable on her own.
"I got all the clothes that I thought might fit you out. Go ahead and grab whatever you like."
Olive looked at me, double checking she had my permission too. "Go on," I told her, pointing in the direction of the clothes.
Rachel waited until she was just out of ear shot before speaking, "How are you really adjusting?"
"Fine," I told her. It was mostly the truth. I could feel her stare, so I tore my eyes away from watching Olive to look at her. "It's different," I admitted. "I have nightmares, but Lisa helps me through them. The kids understand it, but at the same time they're not actually old enough to truly understand it. So it's a lot, but Lisa is helping us through."
"We always wondered what she was waiting for," she murmurs.
"We?"
"Me and the other old ladies. We always knew there was someone in her past. She wore your hair tie on her wrist for years."
I choked on the emotion. Fuck. I knew she missed me, knew she never stopped thinking about me, but to have a woman I never knew before tell me she knew she was still in love with me before even meeting me–that was. Fuck, she loved me so much.
"I didn't leave her willingly," I told her. "I never would."
"I know," she said, believing me instantly. I had no idea how much Seokmin shared with her, but I was assuming as much as all the men shared with their old ladies–more than they were supposed to. Or nothing at all like Megan and Greaser.
"I'm not going anywhere ever again. If Taehyung wants me back, he'll have to take me dead."
I kept the words low. Because it was the fucking truth. No way would I ever go back to Taehyung while my heart was still beating.
"I knew you'd fit right in," Rachel says, a mischievous grin on her face. Gone was the mom, and in front of me was the queen of the biker club: ruthless, calculating, deadly. Fuck. I think I had a small crush on her.
"Thank you," I whispered. I never fit in with Taehyung's club, not that I really tried. I didn't care to. All I wanted to do was care for my babies. I also didn't know who I could trust. At least here I knew I could trust everyone.
"I gave Seokmin a little nudge," she says, voice low, keeping one eye on Olive who was still going through clothes.
"As in?" I asked for clarification.
"To stop waiting for Taehyung to make a move and make one first."
The grin on her face was sinister. Malice. Calculating.
Fuck. I definitely had a little girl crush on her.
"Thank you," I said, returning her grin, hoping it looked even half as cold as hers.