J
As soon as I was locked in the van with Joshua, my anxiety spiked. So much could go wrong. He slipped into the front seat, and I knew what his orders were. If anything went wrong, he had to get me out and back to my kids.
Every single one of these men knew the risks they took with their line of work. They had partners and kids and people who loved them. Still, they risked their lives for me.
I didn't like how quiet Joshua was being. I didn't like that I couldn't see anything.
I held my breath.
"What's happening?" I asked.
"They're talking," he answered. "Keep your head down." This version of Joshua was very different from the one we usually got. At the clubhouse he was almost shy, subtly flirtatious and obviously attracted to all the old ladies. Here though, he was more dominant, clearly used to taking charge in these types of situations.
I knew he took a bullet for Carrie once, and that he'd do the same for any of us. I felt safe with him here, even if I was terrified and wishing Lisa was back already.
His cell phone rang, and he didn't look at it before ignoring the call.
It rang again almost immediately.
Something was wrong. I was sure of it. Woman's intuition. I felt violently ill, ready to throw up my breakfast. I started sweating, hands shaking.
"Yeah?" he answered. I held my breath. "What? Fuck. Jack!" The shout sounded panicked at the end.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"The clubhouse. Taehyung's attacking."
"What? How?"
"I don't know," he said. I could tell by the sound of his voice he was terrified.
"Go get them. We need to go back. My kids…"
The sounds of guns firing had me feeling even more sick to my stomach. "Oh god, are they okay?"
I heard Joshua count under his breath, and then he nodded, telling me, "They're whole."
I had no idea what to feel as the door opened and they slid back into the car. Relief that the love of my life and her brothers were uninjured. That feeling was outweighed by the all encompassing fear that something was going to happen to the kids before we got back to the clubhouse.
"We gotta go, right fucking now," Joshua said. "The clubhouse is under attack."
Lisa's head snapped towards mine and as soon as I looked at her, I lost it. It was like I waited for her to be there to let myself fall apart.
She wrapped me in her arms and the van lurched forward. I could hear shouting. But the panic and ringing in my ears wouldn't let me understand the words. Every man in the van had someone back at the clubhouse they cared for, someone who was in danger because my ex-husband decided to show up, refusing to let me go when he never wanted me anyway.
Lisa said nothing, just held me. There was nothing to say.
"Baby girl," Ten said. "It's me. Yeah, we're on our way back."
We were still hours away.
Fuck.
"Okay, yeah. Stay safe. I love you." Her words were broken up by pauses, listening to whatever Carrie had to say on the other side of the line.
"Your kids are in the panic room," Ten said. "So are all the women."
I felt a moment of relief, knowing they were safe. That room was a vault. But guilt filled me again, not just because it was my hopefully soon to be fucking ex attacking the clubhouse, but their doctor was with me. If anything happened to one of the guys while we were gone, Lisa was here.
Carrie was a capable nurse, and she'd learned a lot under Doc, but I knew they'd keep her in the panic room as long as possible too, not wanting to risk her safety.
"Fucking drive," Ten growled.
The van lurched forward again as Joshua seriously tested the capabilities of the soccer mom vehicle.
My thoughts raced.
What if Taehyung was able to break through all the security?
What if someone died because of me?
What if he got the kids?
The last question had vomit rising in my mouth. Panicked, I tugged on Lisa's shirt, pointing to my mouth.
"Fuck," she cursed, understanding me immediately. "I need a bag or something. Anything."
I didn't know where it came from, but suddenly there was a baggy in front of me. The weed smell was overwhelming, and unfortunately smelling it didn't help my nausea like smoking it would have.
I gagged twice and puked up my breakfast.
Lisa rubbed my back the entire time. She even took the bag from me and sealed it, leaning forward into Joshua's personal space to roll down the window and throw it out the side of the window.
That was the last thing I remembered about our journey, because I fainted.
--
"Jennie, babe," Doc's voice said. "Wake up for me."
Her voice was warm and welcoming, like a mug of hot chocolate covered in whipped cream on a cold winter morning. Peaceful. Perfect. It gave me a false sense of security and for a few blissful moments, I forgot where I was, what was happening.
I blinked my eyes open slowly. It was the look on her face that pulled me back to the harsh reality of what we were dealing with.
Her hand cupped my face, soothing me before I even knew I needed soothing.
"We're almost at the clubhouse," she told me. "We're going to leave you here with Joshua a few blocks away while we handle business."
"No," I whispered, pleading her. Tears filled my eyes.
"Joshua will keep you safe," she growled, the words a promise to me and a threat to Joshua if she didn't do just that.
"I know," I told her. I had no doubts about Joshua's ability to keep me safe. "I'm worried about you and the kids."
"I know, babe." I couldn't assess her tone. There was still no promise in it. If she was afraid of something, she was keeping it well hidden, even from me, and I knew her better than anyone else. "As soon as the coast is clear, Joshua will bring you to the clubhouse."
There were a million what ifs on my tongue.
What if they were attacked as soon as they got there?
What if everyone else was already injured or dead?
What if the kids were hurt?
I didn't ask any of the questions, knowing she wouldn't have answers to my worst case scenario hypotheticals. The only thing I could do was hope she came back whole, that our kids were okay. And that Taehyung was dead, even if I wasn't the one who got to kill him.
"Two minutes," Ten announced.
I clenched my eyes closed. I was in my happy place, in Lisa's arms, but I'd never been more terrified. Not even her touch could calm the fear racing through my body.
"I will do everything in my power to protect our kids," she vowed.
"I know," I breathed.
Her hand cupped my cheek tigherer, deepening the contact as the van rolled to a stop. I felt her lips brush my own. A promise.
The van stopped and Lisa shifted me, sitting me up. None of them said anything as they climbed out of the van, once again leaving me alone with Joshua.
"Have you been able to talk to anyone?" I asked. They should have been in communication with the guys at the clubhouse.
"No," he replied, eyes staying forward. "We think they're using a signal jammer."
"So they're still there?"My voice cracked with the question.
"Maybe, or they left it behind and the guys haven't been able to find it when they left it behind."
I bit the inside of my cheek trying to control myself. I didn't want to cry in front of him.
Joshua didn't say anything, and I didn't either.
Lisa lied to me.
She said as soon as it was clear Joshua would bring me to the clubhouse, but we wouldn't know it was clear until someone came to get us.
"How will we know it's clear if they can't call?" I asked Joshua.
I watched as he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, looking surprised I figured it out. It wasn't that I believed they thought I was dumb and wouldn't figure out, just that I was probably distracted.
"Someone will get us."
"Yeah, fuck that."
I was done being the damsel in distress. I was done letting Lisa fight my battles for me. I climbed out of the van hurriedly, my feet hitting the ground. It took me a minute to get my bearings, but when I did, I took the first step, ready to run to my love and our kids, when Joshua's arm wrapped around my waist.
"She's gonna kill me for touching you," he complained. "But I can't let you go to the clubhouse, not when we don't know if it's safe."
"My kids and my love are there," I hissed without struggling in his arms.
"Doc is gonna do whatever she can for your kids. If you put yourself in danger it will distract her from protecting them."
Those were the words that had me sinking against him, clutching my chest as the worry turned to a physical ache, one I could feel deep in my bones.
"We can stand out here if that makes you feel better," he told me. "But behind the car so I can see if there's danger coming."
I conceded and shifted, lurking behind the van, watching down the street, listening for the sound of bikes. When I was younger, those sounds brought me so much comfort. It was associated with Lisa. With security and safety.
Eventually the sound of bikes terrified me because it was associated with Taehyung and danger, telling me he was coming home and I'd be on the receiving end of his punches and kicks, his small dick that raped me over and over again.
Joshua didn't try to talk to me, offered me no small talk or words of reassurance. He stood staunchly in front of me, shielding me from anyone who could possibly see me.
I had no idea how much time passed. It felt like hours, but realistically could have only been minutes, maybe it was. I didn't ask Joshua even though I was sure just like the others, he had some sort of internal clock that wouldn't fail him.
I jumped when his phone rang.
"Yeah?" he said. "Right. We'll be right there." He hung up the phone and I was already climbing into the van, not needing to be told.
The three minutes it took us to get to the clubhouse were excruciating. I watched as each minute ticked by on the clock achingly slowly.
The gate was open when we got there, and I looked around, trying to assess the damage.
The bullet proof glass was cracked, but not broken. Lucas was going to be pissed, it wasn't long ago they finished the installation. There were guns spread out everywhere. No bodies, but there were bloodstains on the pavement.
Please don't let that belong to our guys.
I was out of the car before Joshua even had it in park and I was rushing into the clubhouse. My breath left me in a whoosh when I walked in. It was total chaos inside. The tables were flipped, drinks were spilled. There wasn't any blood unlike outside, which left me hopeful everyone inside was okay.
I scanned the group in the bar area, finding Lisa quickly.
My heart clenched when I looked at her. She sat in a chair, and she had Olive on one knee and Holden on the other, rubbing both of their backs.
Olive leaned against her chest, her little eyes fluttering closed. It was obvious she felt safe with her.
"Mama!" he shouted when he saw me.
He flew off Lisa's knee and raced to me. I squatted down and let him throw himself into my arms. I stood, cradling his body against me while I walked towards Lisa and Olive.
Olive didn't even try to climb off Lisa's knee, so I sat on the other with Holden in my lap and leaned into her. I wanted to ask what happened. If everyone was okay. Did they take any prisoners?
I didn't ask though. All I did was sit on my love's lap, in our first family hug.
Whatever anyone had to tell me could wait.