May 20th, 1989

I have not kept a diary for myself since I was in grade school… It feels strange writing to myself like this, but it will help me to document my big move. I've finally settled into my new apartment in Los Angeles.

It's been about 2 months since I left home to pursue a career as an actress. I've had some trouble getting my bearings in this big city, but as time goes by, I'm getting used to it. I have a job working at a local jazz club called Lenny's Late Night. The pay isn't terrible and sometimes I sing along with the house pianist.

I like the pianist a lot. He's a rounder black man with a wonderful belly laugh. They call him Uncle Al because he treats all the bar and restaurant staff like family. He's definitely grown on me and I've appreciated his company the most. I feel like he genuinely cares about my well being. Like me, he came from poverty and made his way to the big city to start from scratch. He listens to my troubles with a smile on his face, always reassuring me that it takes time, patience and a lot of hope to get anywhere in this world.

Besides uncle Al, a few of the waitresses have taken a liking to me. They call me Minnie Mouse, because of how small I am. Because of that, no one calls me by my real name. Except for Uncle Al… and this one guest who comes by every once and awhile... I don't know his name. The girls call him Mickey and they joke around about how he always looks my way. He's tall and built, like an army man. Goldish brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He always orders one drink and barely finishes it. Maybe he's stationed nearby?

I'm hoping this journal will keep me company, as I've had no other contact with friends or family since leaving Ma and Pa. Calling home is expensive and I haven't had much time to write letters. They're worried about me… and I understand their concerns. Going from a small town to living alone in a big city is a major life change, but I want to try my hand at making it big in the movies. I always knew that I was meant for something big. I wasn't meant to be just a small town house-wife… No, I've always had big dreams.

Once I can get some cash together, I'll be able to pay for some decent headshots and start auditioning. For now, my life revolves around Lenny's Late Night. Again, I can't say how grateful I am to have Uncle Al.

May 27th, 1989

No luck with the headshots yet, but I finally introduced myself to that regular in the bar! I didn't think I had it in me! His name is Antonio - Tony for short. Not Mickey, thanks ladies… He asked me out a few days ago and last night we went out for dinner and dancing. Low and behold he is not an army man! He actually laughed out loud when I asked where he was stationed (his smile makes my heart flutter every time). I figured he'd be a shy guy from how he stared at me in the club, but he's actually quite a charmer!

Over dinner he told me that he loved listening to me sing. He'd always gone to Lenny's for a drink after work, but once he saw me singing, he came in a lot more frequently. I'm seeing him again this Friday night to catch a movie. Well that's all for now… I'm exhausted!

June 7th, 1989

Things have been moving real fast with Tony and I. All the ladies at work seem jealous, but I'm actually a little thrown off about him. He is very sweet, a good listener and very well kept. However, there are some things about him that don't add up. He works at a local law firm and makes a decent living for himself. However, after going to his apartment a few times, I've noticed how empty it is. Not much in the fridge except for beers and maybe some fast food remnants. No pictures of his family or friends. It looks as sparse as a hotel! Maybe he's always at work? Are all men like this?

June 8th, 1989

Tony brought me a beautiful necklace and a bouquet of flowers today. I don't even remember telling him that today was my birthday! I finally talked to Ma and Pa but I didn't mention Tony yet. The last guy I was with was a total mess. I want to make sure I can take Tony home with me. Otherwise, no need getting them worried all over again.

June 13th, 1989

I'm on the fence about Tony. Its been a few weeks, and I've started to see another side of him. He is VERY protective of me. Very jealous and overbearing. At first I thought he was just old fashioned… but this is something else. However… as much as I hate it, there's a part of me that admires how much he cares for me. With his smile and charming ways, he has his ways of reeling me back in when I start to feel uncomfortable. His eyes are otherworldly and I just get lost in them... I wonder, is this love? Or something else?

Besides all that, I finally was able to send out some headshots to some talent scouts. Crossing my fingers and hoping they'll end up in good hands. They weren't cheap.

June 20th, 1989

It's only been a couple weeks since we started going steady, but Tony and I have gotten into some really intense arguments, mostly stemming from his jealousy about my acting career. He thinks that I'm giving guys a smutty impression of me and I shouldn't be "whoring myself around". He also thinks I shouldn't be working at Lenny's. Well, excuse me! I didn't move here for this! I need to talk to him about how controlling he is.

June 25th, 1989

I've been working less at the bar and spending more time with Tony. He says wants to take care of me. He still wants me to consider leaving my job. He says he has enough money to support the both of us. I can't argue with the fact that it would help me to save money… but that also means that I'd have to pursue an acting career in secret.

Last night we made dinner together and finished two bottles of wine… I don't think I'd ever been that drunk since first exploring alcohol in highschool. I don't really remember last night…I woke up with all my clothes off and a terrible headache. He had already gone to work. Today I'm so hungover and feeling sick.

July 3rd, 1989

So, it happened. Tony's moved in and we've been getting settled. I've never lived with a man before and since I haven't called home about him yet, I'm still feeling a bit uneasy.

I've gotten a few call back letters from different casting companies, but I have to keep it secret. He doesn't know I'm still looking for work.

I shouldn't have to lie about wanting to act… I know at some point if I get a job, I'm going to have to tell him about it. Why does he have to be like this? Would I leave him for a job opportunity? He really has been so good to me… for the most part.

July 4th, 1989

After Tony and I went out to watch the fireworks and have a few drinks with some friends, I finally confronted him about my desire to act. Never in my life did I think I'd let a man hit me… but it happened.

He smacked me right across the face. It left a nice big red mark too. I was in shock as soon as it happened and he was apologizing up and down. He said he got carried away and it would never happen again. We were both pretty drunk and he's sleeping on the couch tonight. I don't know what to do. I feel nauseous and shaky. I'm thinking maybe I should ask him to leave.

July 10th, 1989

This is not the man I had met in May.

He doesn't think I notice, but in the late hours of the night he leaves our bed and returns in the early hours of the morning. Why would he do this to me? If he's seeing someone else, why be so protective of me? I need to confront him.

A part of me wants to fight for this. I fell in love with the Tony I met at the bar, but this other side of him scares me. What is he hiding?

July 20th, 1989

I got a callback for a job interview this afternoon. Tony had taken the call.

He slammed me against the living room wall and told me I wasn't going to work at Lenny's anymore and that I wouldn't be acting. He told me that he would work and I would stay at home.

That night, when apologies were made, my tears had dried and he came into bed, I thought I smelled another woman's perfume.

I'm a prisoner here. I constantly feel sick and I want to go home. I just want to go home…

July, 22nd 1989

Even though I'm very secretive about this diary to begin with, I started hiding it behind a loose piece of floorboard behind the bed. I won't let him take my one reprieve I have from this hell. I need to get out, but I don't have the money for a bus ticket. He controls everything. I'm so scared.

August 1st, 1989

He came home last night with scratches on his arms and blood on his shirt. He told me it was from falling into a bush. I didn't say anything to anger him, I just helped him clean himself up. Is he getting into fights?

August 3rd, 1989

I'm not sure what else to write tonight besides this. I missed my period and I'm showing all the signs and symptoms… I'm fairly certain I'm pregnant. I feel like I should have known a few weeks back when I started to feel sick but maybe I was just in denial. I think I still am. I'm going to call home today. He has a phone in his office that he keeps for company calls.

August 4th, 1989

The phone lines were dead. He hadn't paid the phone bills since last month and I've had no money to do so myself. He's not letting me go to work or leave the house anymore. I haven't told him about the baby.

He put locks on the outside of the apartment so I can't get out. We're on the 4th floor so there's no way I could escape through the windows. Most nights he comes home looking like hell. Crying just makes his anger worse.

The Tony I thought I knew was just a mask. He's a monster in sheep's clothing. He's up to something. I know I've said it before, but I'm really scared.

August 11th, 1989

While Tony was out, Uncle Al stopped by to check on me. Thank god for that wonderful man. The amount of relief I felt when I saw his face was indescribable. Even though I could only talk to him through the mail opening in the door, he told me that he was going to help me get out of this. He had some friends who could smuggle me out and help me get back on my feet.

I didn't tell him I was pregnant. Not yet, one thing at a time. Now that I'm coming to terms with my pregnancy, I'm going to make sure we both find ourselves a better home.

August 15th, 1989

Al said some of his friends would be coming by today and that I should pack only the essentials. But here's the catch - They're from Gotham (on the east coast). They're also mobsters… They promised me a job at an Italian club as a performer/singer and said I'd make good money there. I'm hesitant to move so far away, but I don't see a better option right now. Anything is better than this. Maybe I'll make a good impression in Gotham. I think LA will forever remain an unfulfilled dream…

I want to tell Ma and Pa about everything that has happened. Once I get settled in Gotham I'll ring them. I haven't spoken to them since Tony and I moved in. I've written them… but they must be worried…

August 16th, 1989

I'm out. Thank god I'm out. They had to break down my door, but I'm free.

August 30th, 1989

This will be my last entry before I leave for Gotham. I'm leaving this diary here, along with everything else that I identify as a part of my old life. Maybe someday I'll tell someone where to find this.

So much has happened since I was freed. Lenny told me that Tony came into the bar and caused a scene. He was drunk, threatening to fight anyone in the bar who knew something about my whereabouts. They eventually threw him out after threatening to call the cops.

A few days later, I was Tony on the news. Looking gaunt and lifeless, he was wearing handcuffs and being led into a police car. He was arrested on suspicion of murder… Multiple murders. They were calling him a a serial killer.

For the following days I've been watching the news obsessively. There was evidence was linking him to at least 10 murders throughout the city. All women who looked exactly like me. News stations were calling him the "Smiley-Faced Killer"... as there were always smiley faces left in blood by all the victims he slaughtered. The murders always happened in the early hours of the morning.

To be perfectly honest, I was at first in denial of all of it. Then I started having strange dreams. At first, I attributed them to morning sickness and the pregnancy. But now I can't deny that they were something… paranormal.

Since learning about his conviction, I've awoken every morning knowing things . I'd get images of the women he'd killed. Sometimes I saw things from the victim's point of view right before they died. What he did to them I won't describe in this diary in fear that it would make the dreams a true reality.

Thankfully, I've been having some good dreams as well. Dreams of my daughter… I know I will have a daughter. She's all grown up. I'm going to call her Lucille, after my grandmother. Lucy for short. I attribute all these new insights to the miracle growing inside me. Somehow, her light is reassuring me and helping me to move forward with unnatural clarity.

I'm leaving this diary somewhere safe. I'm afraid to bring it with me but I can't destroy it. It could be useful someday, to someone. Maybe even to my own daughter.

So with that, I'll end this diary with gratitude for my life and the life within me. I hope I will find freedom in Gotham. That's all I want now. Freedom. And a better life for my daughter and I.