Leia stirred to press a kiss to Han's shoulder, feeling utterly replete with satisfaction and with love. After a moment more of watching him watch her, she shifted onto her side facing him. "Han…" She set her palm to his chest and nudged him over to lie flat on his back. "...how do you look when you come?"
Han's heartbeat leapt and sped at that question, his groin answering with a throbbing ache, but he shrugged nonchalantly, not assuming or awaiting anything. He'd already experienced more with her than he thought he would prior to returning from Jabba. It had been perfect, and more than enough for him. "Don't know, Sweetheart. Never thought about it. Nothin' gorgeous like you, though."
"Hmm," Leia considered, lifting herself higher over him. "Well, I'd like to see for myself. Feel for myself," she told him, her voice a tempting purr as she ran her fingers feather-lightly over his chest. "I think it will look awfully good to me." With deliberate purpose, she dipped her hand further down his sternum. "Your turn…"
Han knew he should be jumping at the chance, if only she hadn't said that last part. Because of all the fantasies he'd harbored about Leia over the years — and they were too numerous to count — there wasn't a single scenario where something sexual took place between them as a result of her feeling beholden to him. He never wanted her to feel that way, would never want her that way, and he needed her to know it. "Sweetheart, I don't want—"
He stopped midsentence, hurriedly regrouping. He needed to explain this right; he didn't want her thinking he wasn't interested. He was, desperately, just not this way. "Doesn't need to be my turn."
"All right, we'll call it my turn," she revised, guessing it was her phrasing he objected to.
Leia made to slide her touch lower but he stopped her with his hand over hers. "Don't matter who it belongs to, it's not about takin' turns. That's not why I—"
"You really won't let me reciprocate?" she interjected with a baffled look.
"That's just it: I don't want reciprocation."
"You don't want me to touch you?" A bit of wariness along with a small dash of hurt crept in to join the confusion on her face.
Leia knew he wanted her, that much was obvious; he looked painfully erect. It wasn't insecurity that troubled her so much as a feeling of emotional inequity. Afterall, she was mostly naked in bed with him, having just come apart in his arms after giving herself over to his tender, resolute attentions. And now, he was refusing that same level of openness to her?
"'Course, I want you to touch me," Han fiercely corrected that misapprehension. "Leia, are you kidding? I always want you touching me."
That was more like it, she thought. Leia had found herself the subject of Han's blatantly sexual innuendo for years, so the idea that he wouldn't want this from her was almost laughable, making his refusal all the more disconcerting. "Then why don't you want this?"
"I don't think you owe me, if that's what — If that's why you—" Han shook his head, dismayed by the sudden impression that he was messing this up, ruining what had been up until now a lovely moment between them, but he didn't want it tainted with any sense of false duty either. "I didn't touch you 'cause I hoped you'd touch me back, just need you to know that. I wasn't — I'm not — expecting anything in return."
Leia exhaled a reassured sigh, finally understanding. This wasn't an objection, then; it was a mere hiccup out of concern that she felt obligated. "I know that. I know you're not. I didn't think you were lying here, impatiently waiting until I got to you."
Calling it his turn had simply been her apparently poor attempt at being alluring. She was ready to laugh it off and continue, but seeing the look on Han's face, it was evident he remained truly bothered at the idea of her feeling required to do this. She hadn't meant it that way, not at all, but she recognized how her phrasing could have sounded like she viewed this as a necessary exchange, giving in return for what she'd received.
"Han." Leia sat up entirely now to face him squarely, resting against the backs of her legs. "It was only a bad choice of words; I promise you, that's all. When I said it was your turn, I was trying to be flirtatious and sexy. Clearly, I need more practice," she added with chagrin. "But I do not feel like I owe you. I don't think that because you did, now I must. And I don't believe for one second that's what you had in mind. Does that set you more at ease?"
Han was fairly certain he was coming off like a needy idiot, looking a gift bantha in the mouth, but he couldn't feel right about Leia engaging with him in a physical way out of even the smallest sense of compulsion, like some kind of mandatory medicine she had to take in exchange for him making her feel good. To his mind, that was tantamount to a violation of her.
Restraint had been an easier line to tow when Leia was strictly off-limits, but since she'd been open to more between them, it had become murky. Their entire trip, he'd made a point to be physically cautious with her. He knew the places his mind went, the things his body wanted from hers, the myriad of filthy thoughts he had about her, often at highly inappropriate times. In the middle of a Command briefing right in front Mon Mothma, running for their lives through a hail of blasterfire while pursued by a throng of stormtroopers, covered in mud and desperately seeking higher ground caught-up in a deadly monsoon, more than once when she was hurt and he was tending to her wounds — nothing stopped his unremitting lust for her. Right now, he wanted to take her mouth again, fill his hand with her breast, rip off those panties and bury himself hard and fast inside her. He was like a godsdamned animal with a rampant, barely restrained appetite for her. Sometimes it shamed even him, so it was sure to shock her — she was a kriffing princess for kest's sake. He didn't ever want Leia to feel that if they were going to be together it was on condition that she must feed his insatiable hunger for her.
Han sat up alongside her. He felt awkward talking about this, all the more so when he was lying there with a prominent erection, but he was consoled by the fact that Leia was still topless and had made no moves to cover herself.
"Look, I just don't want you to think that because I'm like this—" He gestured vaguely below his waist, to the pronounced proof on display. "—you've gotta do something about it, like that falls to you. I know what I am, Leia, and what you are. All my life I've been a criminal, ran spice, did business with gangsters. You were a child prodigy, a senator, a princess — you ran planets, rebellions, entire galaxies. I know the levels between us, know you deserve better than the horny, oversexed, mercenary scoundrel who somehow lucked into your life, while you're so—"
The look on her face cut him off.
Leia envisioned the words 'inexperienced', 'innocent', or 'virginal' coming out of his mouth next and couldn't say how well she'd respond to them. "What am I, Han?"
His answer surprised her.
"Good," he said emphatically. "You're so purely good."
Leia shook her head, but there was a softness back in her eyes. "No one is purely good, least of all me. Not even Luke." A gentle smile twitched over her lips. "Remember the Twi'lek. Luke was derelict in duty while on a mission so he could have sex with a stranger. Something, as I recall, you championed him for."
"Well, yeah, but—"
"So then what you're saying is that lust is only bad if it's directed towards me, because of course, I'm much too pure and good to handle such filthy carnality," she said with a look of tolerant amusement at his thoroughly in-over-his-head expression.
"No. Leia, that's not what I meant. I don't think you're — I'm only trying to—"
She set her hand to his thigh reassuringly, a smile completely overtaking her features now. "Let me help you out, Hotshot. I know what you're trying to say, but there are no levels between us. You're a criminal, and so am I. I have one of the galaxy's highest bounties on my head while leading a rebellion to overthrow the government; you can't get much more criminal than that. You're a man who enjoys sex — though he's refrained from any for well over a year, I'll point out — and I'm the woman who just rather enthusiastically came on your fingers while holding your mouth to her breast and begging you not to stop. You want me, and I want you. We're on the same level, Han."
Her struggle had always been letting him in, trusting him with her heart, opening herself up to love. Leia knew that about herself. But for Han, loving came easy. The hard part was allowing himself to be loved, feeling himself worthy of receiving her love, affection, and attentions.
She brought her hands up to his face, one resting gently against his neck and the other cupping his cheek. "What happened to your insistence that you are a nice man? Somehow now you're not simply because you want to do sexual things to me and want me to do them to you? You're the one who said there's nothing wrong in wanting. And I have news for you, Captain." Leia plunged her voice down to a level that was both sensual and tempting. "I want you to want me that badly. I should hope you are horny when you're lying in bed with me and I'm half naked. In fact, I hope you're sitting in the middle of a strategy meeting hard as a Kessell rock," she repeated his phrasing with a smirk, "just because I winked at you across the room."
Han turned his face into her hand to lay a soft kiss to her open palm. "I'm an idiot."
Leia grinned. "Sometimes you are."
He looked down pointedly at her bare chest. "But you're still letting me look at your tits."
Her mouth dropped open into a surprised laugh, just as he hoped it would, and she bounced quickly into her own vivacious repartee. "Yes, well, you're my idiot. It comes with privileges."
Beaming, Han took her hand from his cheek and brought it down to hold against his heart. "Just don't ever want you to feel pressured about anything with me. You got enough of that in the rest of your life. I want everything we do together to be good for you. Remember what I said about feeling more nervous and careful in bed with you? Not because of anything you are or have done, just 'cause I care about you. Because…because I…" Searching for a way to explain it to her, it naturally bubbled up and spilled out of him again. "Char valle bey min larel." {Because you're my love.}
Leia nodded with a tender, adoring smile. "And I want to touch you because you're mine."
Min larel. She would never get tired of hearing him calling her that. It melted her; all at once, filled her with a warm, loving comfort at the same time as it lit a liquid fire in her blood.
"I want to give to you like you've given me. Not just this, tonight," she made clear before he could get any further ideas that it was sexually compensatory. "Like all the things you've given me, all the ways you've been there for me. Do you think I haven't seen it over the years, all your care towards me, your absolute devotion? It hasn't gone unnoticed. It hasn't gone unappreciated. I know I've often not done the best job of showing you that, of showing my care and devotion. Sometimes I've been truly awful at demonstrating it. I know there were times — days, weeks, maybe months even — when I made it seem like just the opposite, but it has always been there. I feel it; I want you to feel it, too."
Leia carded her hand up through his hair, playing with his scruffy tresses before bringing her fingers down to trace over his lips. "I want you to feel pleasure, Han. Pure, visceral — yes, sexual — pleasure. You deserve that as much as I do." She ensured his eyes were held steady on hers. "And this part is very important: I want to be the one giving you pleasure. Don't you know turning you on turns me on?"
Han smiled at her, setting his hands to her waist, letting them drift down to her hips. "So what you're sayin' is you want to touch me. 'Cause you want me, 'cause you like it."
"Yes, you nerfherder, of course it's because I want you. Do you really not know that?" she asked fondly suspicious. "Or do you just want to hear me say it again? How very manly and desirable I find you."
He scoffed a smirk at her obvious flattery, but she noticed how he'd relaxed back against the pillows, appeased.
"Whatever made you think this was all for you, Captain?" Leia pronounced with a cheeky grin. "It's just as much for me. I've told you, you're not the only one who's imagined things. No, I'm not oversexed, but I'd like to be," she exuberantly revealed. "I'd like to be by you, Han. You have no idea all the varied lascivious things I'd like us to do together." Her eyes left his to slide down his frame, reveling in the sight of his bare body. "Yes, I want to touch you. Yes, I like it. Will you let me love you now?"
How could Han argue with that? He never wanted to in the first place. He was only looking out for her well-being, but he should have known better, should have trusted that Leia was more than capable of holding her own and looking after her own interests. She was the most incredibly poised, self-contained, self-controlled being he'd ever met. She'd told him 'no' often enough in the past. She would never be persuaded to do anything she was dead set against.
And this? Everything about Leia's body language screamed she was most certainly not against. On the contrary, the way she was looking at him right now told him exactly where her interests lied.
"Let you? Amant, you can love me any way you want, any time you want," Han readily encouraged.
"Then I think I will," she announced, sassy and teasing. "Lie back down," she instructed, setting a finger to his chest and pressing him backwards until he was flat on his back before her.
Leia made a show of hovering both her hands over his body, deciding where to start. When she felt the anticipation was amped high enough, she settled on an unhurried path: caressing his forearms, lingering at his biceps, then up and across his shoulders. From the base of his throat, she brought her hands down over his chest in appreciative survey, weaving her fingers into the air there and tugging playfully before pressing her fingers flat, her palms running down to his abdomen to map the taut muscles there.
Between the sheer physical reality of her touch and the obvious passion she displayed to be touching him, it wasn't long before it was too good, too much for Han to remain a passive participant. He moved his hand up to her breast, massaging and fondling her there as she leaned over him exploring the length of his torso to her heart's content and their mutual satisfactions.
Then it became too much for Leia, too, and she bent to crush her mouth to his, indulging that inclination for several long minutes in a rush of ravenous kisses. Her bare chest was pressed to his; he could feel her rigid nipples rubbing along his skin with her movements, and it was quickly driving him to distraction. He brought his hand around from her hip to slip back inside her underwear, curving over her bare ass a moment before extending a long finger to slide through her softness, still — or perhaps again — wet for him.
Humming her approval, Leia broke the kiss and eased back to tell him in an alluring whisper, "I didn't lie there submissively in my fantasies. There's a whole compendium of things I want to do to you, Hotshot."
Han let go of her long enough to open his arms wide, offering himself up. "Have your way with me, Princess," he drawled with that roguish half-smirk of his, somehow both tender and fierce, easy and aching.
She gave him a scorching look of her own as her only reply, then set her mouth to his neck. Kissing, sucking, and biting her way down its length while her hands still agilely touched all the bare skin she could reach, her attention to him was so exhaustive it left Han's body vibrating with restless need beneath her amorous onslaught.
And Leia was only just getting started. She nipped over his throat, traced his collarbone with her tongue before moving her lips down to his pectorals — and, goddess, could she spend an eternity there!
Her mouth was doing such intoxicating and spectacular things, it was all that Han could do to keep still. When she touched her lips to his nipple, he lost that battle, jolting at her soft kiss.
Leia glanced up at him, smiling with a vixen light in her eyes. "I wasn't aware men were so sensitive here."
"This man is," he groaned as she experimentally tweaked him with her fingers.
"I know, pleasure point," she mimicked his earlier word. "I'm going to find all of yours," she promised, swirling her tongue over him.
His hand curved around her bottom, kneading with a soft growl as his other went up into her hair. "Sounds like we'll both be busy. Maybe we should set up camp here."
"Oh, I'm planning to do a thorough reconnaissance," Leia assured him a second before she opened her mouth over his nipple, treating it to a hot, tugging suction combined with continued sweeps of her tongue.
By the time she released him, edging back a bit to take stock, Han's breath was coming heavy. The intensified rise and fall of his chest only served to further entice her, highlighting his broad shoulders and the hard, tanned perfection of his torso, the sheer masculinity on display.
"I will never, ever admit that I said this, but goddess, you're like a work of art," she appreciatively raved, and her hands found purchase at his waist as she bent her mouth to him again, plotting his body with her lips now — kisses down his ribcage and around to his belly, open lips trailing low over his abdomen, sucking hard enough to leave her mark there.
Between what she was doing with her mouth and the fact that her bare breasts kept brushing over his hard-on with the light sleep pants as the only barrier between them, she was swiftly driving him out of his mind. "Leia." Her name came out desperately, warningly, as if he didn't trust himself much longer to keep his excitement tamped down and under control.
She ran a hand along his side soothingly but didn't move her mouth from where it nibbled and kissed far too close to his groin to leave Han with any sanity.
"You don't have to censor yourself with me, Han. I'm not scandalized because you like it." Leia lent a sultry edge to her voice, imbuing it with all the desire she was feeling. "Because it arouses you. That is, after all, the goal here."
She dipped her tongue into his navel; his belly went concave at the sensation, and when she met his eyes again, Leia saw the delicious suffering there. "On second thought, the goal isn't just to arouse you, it's to satisfy you. So let's get to work on that, Flyboy…"
She rose up onto her knees beside him. Glancing down his body, her eyes caught and held on his straining erection. The way Leia hungrily bit her lip as if he were the succulent tauntaun and she the famished wampa nearly killed him. He believed her now when she said her appetite for him was just as ravenous as his for her.
"I've done enough teasing," she murmured, coasting her hands down to his hipbones. She acted upon a long-held desire and let her thumbs follow over both sides of the tantalizing v of muscle, his deliciously prominent inguinal crease that disappeared invitingly below his pants.
Seeing his stimulated skin jump beneath her touch was gratifying but she shifted her gaze up to his face, wanting to watch his expression as she trailed her fingers down further still, into territory she had yet to chart. With her eyes locked on his, Leia finally felt over his rigid length through the thin pants.
"Kest," he hissed a breath of pure pleasure.
She made one more, slow sweep over him through the fabric — up and back down, then a slight cupping motion — before bringing both hands up to the ties of his pants and tugging.
Han was thrilled, though slightly stunned, at her action. When she'd first risen up on her knees, he'd thought she might be planning to ride him through his pants to completion the way they almost had the night before on the dejarik table. Now it was clear she wanted him to come undone bare in her hands, just as she had with him, a notion he definitely wasn't opposed to.
Leia started to reach inside his loosened waistband and Han's breath caught with wild anticipation, but he understood the realities of this act more than she did. If she meant them both to keep their bottoms on, he'd respect that and follow her lead, but differences in anatomy would make it more difficult to stay covered in his case, and he didn't share her qualms of modesty, so if she wasn't bothered by it…
"I can — I mean, if you don't mind — I can take these right o—"
She did it herself before he could even finish, pulling the waist of his pants down and over until he sprang free.
Leia had seen Han naked before, had even seen him naked and aroused before on Ord Mantell, but that had been over the distance of shore and water. This was her first up-close look, and initially, she simply regarded him studyingly, with a mixture of captivation and concentration that reminded Han of the way she analyzed a new battle plan — working out the logistics, the most effect plan of attack. But then she darted her tongue out to lick her lips and he could see her rapt interest was anything but clinical. Fascination, attraction, and want flared and sparked through her, mingling on Leia's features, along with a growing yearning to satisfy them both by reaching for him.
And yet, she was acutely aware this was an area unfamiliar to her. She was used to being so accomplished at such a multitude of things, some due to natural talents and others because she made it a point to learn and master anything in which she didn't initially excel so that she soon would. Here, though, she knew her lack of experience and expertise would noticeably hold her back, and that left her feeling clumsy and inadequate. Surely, she would come off as fumbling and inept to a man like Han, who had been with many skilled women — no, beings; who knew how many species.
She always hated being the novice at a thing, feeling that unease and insecurity in her abilities, especially in front of someone who was so capable themselves. She didn't want to have to admit as much to Han, wanted it to naturally be every bit as good for him as he had been for her, as any fantasy he'd ever had of her. But it would soon be obvious if she was bad at this, so she opted to get ahead of it by addressing her amateur standing head-on.
"I've never…I've seen holovids, but I have never…" Based on the things she'd told him about her past romantic experience, Leia figured he already knew, but just in case, she hoped he would grasp what she was hinting at.
"It's okay," Han was quick to reassure her. Thinking his boldness may have put her off and she might wish to stop, he reached for the waist of his pants. "Want me to put them back on?"
"No. Don't do that." In fact, Leia nudged his hands aside and pushed the pants further down his thighs. "I want to touch you, but I…I want you to enjoy it."
For the first time since getting him naked, she looked up into his eyes, and the vulnerability he saw there pricked at his heart, all the more so when she quietly admitted, "I don't want to do it wrong."
Her hesitance, Han could now tell, wasn't because she'd changed her mind but because she felt 'out of her depth' as she once described to him, which basically meant any of the rare times when she wasn't the most adept in the room at something.
For a moment, he wished she had the Force like Kenobi and could read minds the way Luke claimed the Jedi could do. Witnessing Leia feeling uncertain of herself and afraid of failing him was the last thing Han wanted. If she could see into his mind, she would know how absurd and unnecessary those concerns were when, in reality, if she just kept looking at him the way she had been, even without touching him, he could probably get there — that's how much she turned him on.
"Sweetheart, I don't think it's possible for you to do it wrong," he told her gently and entirely honestly. "There's no one way, anyway. However you want to—" He cut off into a rough intake of air as she suddenly reached out and slid two fingers up the underside of his shaft, never one to be intimidated away from a thing.
Leia was surprised to find him so warm to the touch and his skin incredibly soft there. She began to explore further with the heel of her hand when his penis suddenly twitched eagerly at her touch, and she immediately pulled her hand back.
It had been a startled impulse that now made her feel foolish and juvenile. "I — It moved," she hastened to explain. "I didn't know it could do that on its own. Though, I suppose it must as it grows. I just wasn't aware that it—" She hastily halted the nervous tangle of thoughts she really wished she'd kept in her own head. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling, I know."
Her tense reaction combined with the deep blush coloring her cheeks touched Han's heart again, inducing him to straightaway set her at ease. "It's alright, honey. It's only me. Just relax, Leia." He caught her wrist and kissed it, adding mischievously, "You don't have to do this to impress me."
Leia smiled at the echo of her words from way back in the asteroid field he had somehow miraculously managed to navigate, and Han smiled to see that his comment hit its intended goal by cutting the tension.
"Very funny," she said, approving of his banter, an area in which she did feel at ease. "But it's hardly the same, since you were already a skilled pilot and I am untried in this particular field."
"'Untried' or not, Leia, you don't have to worry about doing somethin' wrong. And you sure as hell don't have to worry about what I'm gonna think," he scoffed at the very idea. "When I was touching you, if it'd been less than what you needed, would you have thought 'oh, he's bad at this', or would you have just guided me to—"
"It was already what I needed because it was you touching me." That was just it; Leia honestly didn't think there was anything Han could do to her sexually that she wouldn't enjoy to at least some degree, and it didn't seem fair not to be true in reverse.
But what he said next turned her uncertainty on its head, bringing things sharply into perspective for her.
"Exactly. That's exactly right; it's the exact same way for me. Honey, this is you. Anything you do, literally any way you wanna touch me, will feel good because it's you. Believe me." Han nodded his chin down toward his overly keen erection that couldn't help straining toward her touch. "Fact is, that was a compliment. Means I liked it — kestfire, I loved how it felt when you touched me just now."
Her eyes sparkled, her confidence growing at his praise. "You did?"
"Absolutely I did," he confirmed. "Wouldn't even mind if you wanted to do it again…"
"Wouldn't 'mind', hmm?" she softly laughed, bending down to kiss him.
Leia straightened back up, flicking her hair behind her shoulders, and his eyes went to her bare breasts, attention honing in on her nipples. He reached up to brush his thumb over a pebbled nub with a look of dazed and delighted, lustful veneration. "Alright, you got me, Sweetheart: I ain't above begging to get you to do it again."
She smirked and reached for him, this time clasping her fingers around to fully grasp him. Han made a kind of chocking sound, his eyelashes fluttering.
She looked from his manhood in her hand up into his eyes. Though she knew some might consider this a moment of masculine dominance and command, him lying there while his woman got him off, not only had this been entirely her idea and equal desire but the way Leia saw it Han was the one in the position of extreme vulnerability. His expression, the way he looked at her, so in her thrall — she knew there was nothing he wouldn't do to keep her touching him this way. Holding him by the cock, literally and figuratively, she had all the power here.
He'd laid himself entirely bare to her, freely exposing how much he wanted her, how badly he needed her, the inimitable sexual sway she held over him. Certainly, Han was receiving physical gratification from this, but above and beyond that, the look of unshielded rapture on his face just to somehow find himself the object of her attentions was tantamount to offering up his unguarded heart. It was a tremendous gift he was bestowing, and one she had just given him too, so much more meaningful than simply bringing someone to orgasm.
Curling her fingers more snugly around him, Leia smiled sensuously down at Han. "I like you this way."
"Yeah?" he slyly smirked, figuring that meant she liked having full reign over his body, and he was more than happy to cede it. "I'm yours, Sweetheart."
"I like you unguarded and open to me," she shared, "letting me appreciate you for a while." She ran her hand up and down his full length, exhilarated to see the effect she had on him. He groaned, a low attractive sound, so she did it again.
"You own me, Worship. Got me completely under your spell." Though he meant it as sexy banter, nothing had ever been truer.
Leia sent him another searing smile. There was an undeniably invigorating, erotic rush that came from watching as her touch overwhelmed him. That was an aspect she found herself tremendously keen on exploring further. It could be thoroughly satisfying fun to tease and play at both ways — staggering Han, rendering him senseless and speechless with her attentions, and being brought to the same sensual abandon by his.
But that was for another time. Right now, rather than inspiring a sense of sexy and daring prowess, his surrender left her feeling reverential. If she was the only one who could make him feel this good, then she wanted to freely bestow every last bit of fulfillment she could give him.
Leia tightened her grip, experimentally squeezing his cock. Han grunted his extreme pleasure at that, and taking note, she began to seriously work him over. But only half a minute later, she abruptly stopped. She had heard enough anecdotally to know she wasn't supposed to do this dry. Once upon a time, in whispered retellings of her clandestine activities, Winter had informed her of using saliva, but that thought was and remained unappealing to Leia.
She cast her eyes around and spotted the nearby bottle of the hotel's complimentary lotion that she'd applied after her bath. She must haveleft it on the bedside table when she was turning back the covers and forgot about it entirely once Han returned, an inadvertent oversight that would work to their advantage now.
"Is this okay to use?" she asked, reaching for the bottle.
Han nodded, looking somewhat dazed to find this was actually happening.
"If I had planned better, I would have brought the personal lubricant you keep hidden under the false bottom of the shelf in the bunk's alcove," she told him cleverly.
He looked to her in surprise. "I didn't know you knew about that. How long have you known about that?"
Leia gave a husky laugh at his expression and squirted some lotion into her right hand. "I found it on the mission to Chandaar, the one right before we moved to Hoth. It drove me crazy wondering who you'd been using it with."
"Only myself, Leia," he candidly disclosed. "While imaginin' you."
"I thought about that, too," she admitted provocatively, taking him in hand again and deftly moving her fingers over his length to spread a layer of lotion.
Even at that, his head rolled back on the pillow and he gave a low half-groan, half-sigh of supreme enjoyment. Growing in confidence, Leia caressed his shaft down and back up, over and again, sweeping the head now too, glancing up to his face to gauge her progress. "Is this good?"
"Good?" he gaped. "Sweetheart, we were way past good the second you wrapped your hand around me. This here is—"
He cut off into a curse as she began pumping him in earnest. "Kriff, Leia," Han gasped for air like a man drowning — and that was exactly what she was doing, pulling him under into the sweetest abyss. He fought to keep his eyes open, wanting to watch as she fondled him, but it was so phenomenal his vision kept going unfocused, eyes rolling back with pleasure just as his neck had.
"Gods," he groaned, breaking out into a sweat as Leia brought her other hand into play to engulf him more fully. When he could keep his eyes open, he was torn, transfixed at the sight of her hands — Leia's hands — as she stroked him but also wanting to watch her watch, going back and forth between the two. She gradually sped her motions, further increasing her grip while adding rotation to her stroke, and Han started an involuntarily answering thrust up into her hands, his body's need beginning to take over.
While he'd been pleasuring her, Han's mind naturally went to Leia's body snugly sheathing his cock the way it was his fingers. The thought had made him groan with an arousal so strong it was pleasure-pain; she was just so tight and wet around him. He thought it was impossible to feel any more electrified then he had then. Until now, when she was working his body so exquisitely that he was half out of his mind with it.
Leia unexpectedly removed one of her hands, halting her up-and-down motions altogether. Han didn't know if she meant to tease him or if she was suddenly changing her mind, but it turned out she was simply changing her technique. It was only a slight pause before she resumed, snugly holding just his head now, squeezing and massaging as she worked it in and out of her open fist.
Han's eyes slammed shut as his soul tried to jump out of his body. "Oh fuck, yes," he hissed, breath becoming ragged. She didn't let up, using her left hand to cup his testicles, gently kneading them in time, and it felt so good — so deep down, mind-blowingly good — to have her touching him this way it left Han staggered. "Leia, ah Leia…Leia, fuuck," he gasped, his whole existence coming down to her hands on his body.
A thrill shot through her that she'd provoked him to such baseness. Tenderness was still there, always present in anything Han did with her, but there was a wild, unbridled need unleashed now, too. The fact that she had driven him so far into passion that he was steadily losing control was thrilling. It was equal parts captivating and gratifying to witness — to cause; that she was the one making him feel this, giving him this raw ecstasy, leaving him so out of control — and watching his passion intensely reignited her own.
She eased off her grip a bit to run her thumb in circles over his hot, swollen head, rubbing in the liquid she found there. Looking at him in her hand, Leia had the sudden urge to bend down and nuzzle her face along his length, then follow the nuzzle with a long, slow lick. That impulse — no, actual craving — surprised her. She was open to exploring it, but some other time. She felt even less confident in that act and had no plans to engage in it without more detailed preparations toward mastery. She did, however, want him to know that his avid desire for her wasn't something she found off-putting or would simply tolerate, as he seemed to think. It was an aspect of him that she appreciated, cherished even. She loved being desired by him, loved that he had a sexual need for her. Moreover, it further reiterated how perfectly compatible they were — since her passion for him easily rose to and matched his avidity for her. To show him as much, though she wouldn't take it further, she couldn't resist bending down and pressing a single, sweet kiss to his tip.
Han's body shuddered, hips jerking violently, and a guttural cry of "Leia" wrenched from him. He almost lost it right there, reached a new height of sensual gratification just to feel even that short touch of her soft lips to his cock. She'd already backed away, which he figured was a good thing. He was so wholly unprepared, he honestly thought he might die from sheer pleasure if she had taken him into her mouth right now.
While his body was still reeling from that, Leia joined her index finger and thumb into a ring to tightly encircle his cock, pumping up and down in the sort of firm and rapid way she imagined men pleasured themselves.
That was more than good to him, she knew, as she watched his eyes roll back in ecstasy and, "Leia, kriff, baby, please," fell from his lips.
She wanted to elicit more of that, wanted to drive him over the brink the way he had her. The need consumed her, overcoming her pride to ask for help accomplishing it. "Show me. Show me how you like it," was her hotly whispered request. "Show me what feels best. I want to please you. I want to make you come. I want to make it so good, you'll only ever think of me when you come."
Hearing her say that was nearly all it took, but Han did as she requested. He wrapped his hands over hers, showing her the angle, grip and pressure that pleased him most. Leia quickly mastered it and his hands fell away, letting her take over, clutching at her — her skin, her breasts, her hair, the sheets — as she drove him further and further until his entire body shuddered, and with a strangled grunt of her name he began spilling into her hands.
To Leia, it was a thing of wonder, watching Han come undone to passion and pleasure and then sweet release that she had brought him. She had already discovered the empowering, heady aphrodisiac of knowing she had the feminine power to leave him entirely in her thrall; but now, this, it didn't feel like power, it felt like love. It filled her with warmth and contentment to see and know that she could give him this — this level of joy, this peak of satisfaction, this beautiful repletion.
Once he'd fallen still, Leia released her hold on him to quickly wipe her hands on a far-off corner of the bed sheets, and then stretched out to lie beside him. Leaning down over him, fulfilled at his fulfillment, she feathered her fingers through his hair, brushing her lips in soft caresses over his jaw and neck. When he seemed recovered enough to take in his surrounding, she smiled and said, "So you liked that, then? It was good?"
Han opened his eyes and looked up at her in dazed gratification. He could still hardly breathe and she asked if it was good. "Sweetheart…you kriffin' blew my mind." Her small smile grew into a broad and radiant grin, so he fought his breathlessness to tell her more. "Don't think…I've ever…come so hard," he panted. "Sure you haven't done that before?"
She laughed lightly. "I think I'd remember something like that."
"If anyone could manage it in their sleep, it's you," he affectionately teased. Starting to come back to himself now, he realized his pants were still around his knees and he reached down to tug them back up in deference to her; he'd just as soon take them off and lie naked.
Leia vaguely looked on as he resituated himself, less actually watching and more musing over what he'd said about her skill at making him come so thoroughly undone when she was a novice who seemingly should have had at least some degree of fumbling. "I don't know, it was…" She searched for the words to describe it. Sexual empathy? A heightened connection so soon off her own climax? "It was as if I could sense what you liked, feel when it felt good to you."
"Sweetheart, it felt more than good," he told her in awe. "It felt like—"
"Magic?" she supplied, alluding to a conversation they'd had back on Hoth about their time on Ord Mantell. She wasn't certain if he'd remember or understand the reference, but judging by the smirk lighting his face, he absolutely did.
"Yeah. Was exactly like magic. C'mere," Han beckoned, drawing her into his arms. He rearranged them comfortably on the bed, covering them with the sheets but even more so in a pleasing blanket of sated serenity as he held her against his chest, skin to skin, still bare from the waist up.
Leia played her fingers absently over him, winding through the dusting of dark hair on his chest, wholly contented and relaxed within his embrace. But as the quiet moments ticked by, serenity began to gradually give way to bittersweetness as her thoughts wandered to the future. She was so happy with him here in this moment, emotionally and physically fulfilled, but she could only forget for so long that this was a temporary state. Knowing such a harsh threat to their happiness, to any kind of a future together, still imminently loomed filled her with a sense of gloom and brought about the realization that she'd made a massive error in judgement.
She'd been trying to protect her heart when she told him they couldn't have a sexual relationship until he was with her to stay. The reasoning behind that decision still made sense to Leia…but then she'd gone and made this concession that left them lying here in each other's arms, caught up in the afterglow with her heart more lost to his than ever before.
Even that choice had made sense to her earlier, at least she'd told herself it did. It would be okay because there would be a separation still, it would be an individual experience, like a private event inside her own head, focused on the physical sensations almost as if she were doing it herself; a different means to the same end.
She promised herself it was safe; her heart would be safe.
But from the moment he touched her bare beneath the chemise, it was nothing like that. She knew it, felt it, immediately. Because it was Han touching her, Han making her feel that way, and that in itself transformed it. It was the magic and the power of the two of them together, having a conversation in a whole new and beautiful language. It was an exchange of feeling, of tenderness and affection.
It was a shared event, of course it was, and as emotionally intimate as it was physically — even more so because anyone could touch her but this was Han, and it was them, and she loved him so incredibly deeply that she couldn't possibly separate the emotion from it all.
And now she felt all the more inextricably bonded to him — exactly what she'd feared would happen if she ever went to bed with him. Understanding dawned swiftly: they might as well have had sex; the effect was the same as if they'd made love. Really, wasn't that what they had done, even if it wasn't literal intercourse?
Anxiety and worry for the future churned in her, making her restless and almost panicky.
They had both been quiet for so long now, Han's breath deep and even, that Leia assumed he'd fallen asleep. But not only was he still awake, he seemed to be the one sensing what she was feeling now, and he gathered her closer, drawing both his arms tight around her.
"You're thinking too much." Han pressed a tender kiss to her forehead and then her temple, tucking her head securely under his chin as he cradled her against his chest. "It's alright, Leia," he gently assured. His fingers began to weave through her hair lullingly, plaiting it into the simplest of sleep braids so she wouldn't get caught in tangles in the night. "We have right now, Sweetheart. Nothin' and no one can ever take that away," he whispered soothingly as he braided. "I'll never forget how it feels to lie here with you like this…best moment of my life."
Leia nodded; she knew he was right. She should be basking in what they had right now. It was a foolish thing to squander the enjoyment of 'now' by worrying about and dreading what 'later' would bring. In the best-case scenario, that worry came to nothing. In the worst-case, you'd still be devastated when 'later' came and you had all the same pain but you never got to live any of the joy.
She didn't want that kind of lonely, regretful emptiness for herself. She wanted the happiness, she wanted the memories, she wanted the full experience of them and all that they could be together.
Putting away the dreary thoughts with a new determination, Leia brushed her lips over Han's chest, placing a tender kiss over his heart. Burying her nose in his skin, she breathed him in with a sigh, snuggling closer to the warmth, security, and sense of home that came in lying cuddled up with the man she loved.
AN: The reference "alluding to a conversation they'd had back on Hoth about their time on Ord Mantell" is a callback to my connected story "Magic".