Chapter 7: Buggy the Clown

On top of Drinker Pub, the only watering hole in Orange Town (which meant not a single pirate had so much as scratched it, because booze is sacred), Buggy stood next to his smoking cannon, grinning at the destruction he had wrought. "Gyahahahahaha! Nothing like a little destruction to cheer a man up!"

"Magnificent, your Magnanimousness!" Bowl-cut threw in, clapping with the morons he hung around.

"Y-yeah! What a strike!" Carrot Top added with his applause.

"Man, what a guy!" Baldy batted his eyelashes as he pretended to swoon. "The cap'n really knows how blow a dull day up!"

The minute the words left his mouth, Buggy's whole demeanor changed. His sudden stiffness made the whole crew break out in a cold sweat, save for Baldy, blissfully unaware of Buggy's anger. Slowly, he turned to stare daggers at the slightly rotund fool. "What. Did. You. Just. Say?" The words dripped from Buggy's mouth like venom from a cobra.

"Nyuk nyuk nyuk!" Baldy laughed, still not noticing Buggy's murderous air. "I said you knows how to make a day not so dull, cap'n!"

Baldy was in mid-chuckle when something closed around his airway and lifted him a foot off the ground. "I 'nose!?'" Buggy snarled at the suffocating man. "Was that a crack about my nose, you overlarge piece of Sea King shit!?"

"N-now, take it easy, boss!" Bowl-cut jumped in as he hid behind a frozen Carrot Top. "He didn't mean any harm! He just meant your Buggy Balls are in excellent form! That's all, really!"

Buggy didn't look entirely convinced by the excuse, as Baldy hung in the air with his face turning various shades of the rainbow. The festively dressed pirate looked down his totally normal nose at the hovering man, clearly thinking how he was going to kill him-

"BUGGY THE CLOWN! COME DOWN AND FACE ME!"

Mercifully for Baldy, Buggy's final decision was postponed by a surprise guest yelling from street level. Marching over to the edge of the roof to see who was calling him, he saw Boodle standing outside the bar, spear raised in defiance. "What the flashy hell is this? Who the hell are you?"

"I AM BOODLE, MAYOR OF ORANGE TOWN!" the elder politician answered, face red from fury and the brisk sprint to get to the pirate-occupied bar. "I'VE COME TO KICK YOU OUT OF THIS TOWN, WHIPPERSNAPPER!"

Buggy took one look at the mayor… and threw back his head and laughed. The crew swiftly followed, even Baldy who was unceremoniously dropped as soon as Buggy began cackling. "This old timer thinks he can challenge the captain!?" one no-name mook howled. "Go back to your rocking chair, you fossil!"

"Gyahahahahaha!" Buggy looked down at Boodle, mirth and menace mixed into one expression. "And why's a shitty geezer like you challenging me?"

"This town is my treasure!" Boodle responded, grip tightening on his spear. "And, no matter what, I WILL PROTECT IT!"

This only made the whole rooftop double with laughter; Buggy was bent slightly, clutching his stomach as he full-bellied laughed at the enraged man's words. "Have you gone senile, ya old fool!? Gold is treasure! Jewels are treasure! The only creatures who would appreciate this town would be the termites!"

This only served to make Boodle's blood boil, the older man gritting his teeth at the pirates' mockery. "SHUT UP, YOU BIG-NOSED BRAT! I DON'T EXPECT A MONSTER LIKE YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS TOWN MEANS TO ME! NOW LEAVE, OR I'LL MAKE YOU GO!"

Boodle, so caught up in his speech, failed to notice Buggy's cheery expression darken quickly after he had said 'the N- word.' His crew certainly noticed (even Baldy) and they all took a collective step back as Buggy's anger rose. "'Big-nosed brat,' am I?" he hissed. "Think me a monster, do ya, landlubber? Then let me show you what a 'monster' can do…"

Buggy lifted his hand so everyone could see… it was no longer on his wrist. Boodle gasped at the sight. "My God… your hand! Wait…" Boodle's shocked face gave way to confusion. "I'm sure I saw you had two hands a moment ago – grrk!" Boodle's words were swiftly cut off… as he was lifted by the throat by Buggy's hand. To be more accurate, his disembodied floating hand.

"This'll teach you to watch your mouth, you shit geezer!" Buggy barked. "Never throw your life on the line… unless you're ready to lose it!"

"I-I," Boodle rasped through his squeezed-shut trachea. "I… already have…" Raising his fist, he struck at Buggy's hand, even as he hurt himself in the process.

"Ow! What the hell, you fart!" Buggy's grip tightened, causing Boodle to spasm in pain. "Your stubbornness is really pissing me off!" Buggy applied enough pressure that Boodle was only just conscious enough to hear him, but no longer act. "Listen well, you shitty old fool! You are dealing with Buggy the Clown! I've sailed in oceans you've never heard of! Explored islands you've only dreamed of! And with the power of the Chop-Chop Fruit, I will be the one to conquer them! All the glitters… WILL BELONG TO ME! AND NO ONE ELSE!"

"Cap'n Buggy! Cap'n Buggy!" The clown's followers chanted his name as his passionate speech of greed fueled them. All the while, Boodle was grasping at the surprisingly strong hand, desperately trying to pry the damn fingers off.

"And once I get my map back," Buggy went on. "I'll blow this rotting shit town to pieces! But, since you insist on being an eyesore, I'll take you out now! That way, you don't have to see what I do! Gyahahahahaha!" The cruel captain threw back his head and laughed yet again, even as he willed his hand to finish strangling the mayor… except that didn't happen. Buggy's laughter gave out abruptly, as he felt something grab his hand. "Hm? What the…?"

While most of the crew looked at their captain at his admission of shock, those three goofballs looked down at the scene of a familiar pain in their ass showed up. "Oh, no…" Bowl-cut facepalmed. "It can't be them!"

"I thought Richie had him for lunch!" Carrot Top groaned.

"Or at least a light snack!" Baldy griped with his cohorts.

Below the rooftop occupants, James Hook stood there in defiance, holding up Buggy's hand as the mayor coughed and wheezed for dear life and oxygen. "Alright, assholes! Which one of you's Buggy!?"

"Hook," Silk whined as she ran up. "That should be my line! I called dibs on fighting him!"

"Huh?" Hook raised Buggy's hand, using it to point at her. "Whadda ya mean 'dibs!?' I don't remember that!"

"When I gave that speech about how personal this got!"

"Ha! No way!" Hook wagged Buggy's finger in her face, before using it to count out his points. "You had those three when we landed, and the lion! I just got the lame-ass Pajamas! Plus, I can't make a name for myself if you fight everyone!"

"For the love of God," Nami groaned, fighting back yet another migraine. "Look, can you two knock off these stupid antics for five minutes-!"

Back on the rooftop, the minute the three bozos saw Hook, they were inching away from the edge. "Hey!" Carrot Top whispered to Bowl-cut. "This guy's bad news! If the cap'n faces him-!"

"What are you implying, ya ignoramus!" Bowl-cut slapped the frizzy-haired man on the side of his head. "Cap'n Buggy's the strongest pirate in these waters! Nobody can touch 'em! Especially, with his powers!"

"That's just it!" Carrot Top argued. "You all got knocked out, but I saw that kid's powers! He's got 'em too!"

Baldy leaned on the cannon, scratching his head as he thought about the new predicament. "Boy, this is a pickle! If only we had some sorta weapon to shoot at him! Something that'll blow him to smithereenies…"

His two peers looked at him in shock. "My word!" Bowl-cut gaped. "You realize that's the smartest thing you've said all day!"

"Ah well, shucks, guys!" Baldy preened. "You say the nicest things!" His proud expression gave way to confusion. "That leaves one question. What did I say?"

Bowl-cut and Carrot Top tried exasperated looks. "Just grab the cannon and aim it down!" Bowl-cut led the exercise (read: pointed and told the other two how to angle it), trying to get things set up as quickly as humanly possible. After checking that the sights were right, Bowl-cut snickered victoriously. "Now we got 'em! Light it!"

Stuck at the back, Baldy pulled out his matches and tried to light one… but a sudden wind blew it out. Frowning, Baldy tossed the used match and lit another one. Unfortunately, the smoke tickled his nose, and he sneezed that one over the roof. "Huh. Really windy today…"

"What's taking so long!?" Bowl-cut came over, ready to chastise his crewmate.

"I can't help it!" Baldy complained. "The matches won't stay lit!"

"Oh, yeah?" Bowl-cut took a match, grabbed Baldy so he was bent over slightly, and struck the match against his scalp. It was alight nearly instantly. "Next time, use your head, dummy!" Bowl-cut used the lit match to light the cannon, Buggy Ball already prepped for use by Carrot Top.

Back on the ground, Silk and Hook were still going at it. "All I'm saying," Silk frowned, matching her friend's competitive glare, "is let me have first crack – huh?" Silk cut off as she noticed something fall to the ground. "A match?"

"Leave…" Boodle's wheeze got the trio's attention, he was kneeling on the ground, but clearly trying to rise to his feet.

"Wow," Hook nodded in approval. "You're a tough old guy! But, you'd better stay on the sidelines. Wouldn't want to hit ya by accident-"

"I… will not!" Boodle wiped the blood off from the corner of his mouth. "This is… my battle! I won't stand… for outsiders interfering!" Despite him spitting up blood and coughing, the mayor stood proudly with his spear.

"Mayor, see reason and get outta here!" Nami pleaded. "These guys are too dangerous-" Nami's point was both interrupted and proven when Buggy's cannon went off, launching a bright red cannonball right at the group.

In the next second after the Buggy Ball's firing, several things happened; Buggy yelled about firing when he hadn't given the order, Hook dropped the gloved hand to push Nami and Boodle as far from the blast radius as possible, and Silk ran forward with her weapon raised. Hook could only turn to look, mouth open to tell her to move-

"Mighty Push!" …only to drop like everyone else's when Dorado's collision with the explosive package didn't detonate it, but smacked it right back to its point of origin!

Buggy's crew collectively only had time to scream, "WHAT THE FU-!" before the Buggy Ball hit the bar and blew the building to tinder.

Silk grinned, tossing a thumbs up over her shoulder. "Old man, I get you want to fight for this town. But don't worry! We've got this!"

"Incredible…" Boodle said in awe, eyes never leaving the destruction that was almost them. "I've never even heard of a weapon like that."

"Yeah…" Nami mumbled, a little out of sorts from near death. "That's some golden ax."

As Silk beamed under the praise (Nami and Boodle felt like covering their eyes from how bright her expression looked), Hook patted her shoulder. "Damn, you're really serious about taking him, huh? To fight for this town and stuff."

Silk nodded, before adorning a thoughtful expression. "And you really want to take him down to spread your name. I suppose it's splitting hairs, isn't it?"

"Clakakaka! Pretty much!" Hook threw his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner. "Same wager as before, then?"

Silk looked confused for a moment before she caught on to his thoughts. "Oh! I start on one side, and you start on the other?"

"And meet in the middle!" Hook smiled, Silk matching his energy.

"Enough of this!" A familiar shrill voice cut through the moment of quiet. As if choreographed, Hook and Silk both got into a fighting stance, facing the fresh wreckage of the bar. "You pests have got some nerve…" As the dust settled, it became apparent why Buggy could still stand - he had used his own men as human shields. To be specific, the larger of the three morons that had fired the Buggy Ball, held up with the clown's floating hand Hook had tossed away earlier.

"Geez, those bastards really were just cannon fodder," Hook thought out loud.

Baldy coughed up dust and groaned. "Cap'n… why…?"

Buggy fixed the wounded man with an acidic glare before throwing him aside. "As the Captain of this crew, you should be so lucky to put my life ahead of yours, shidiot." As the clown pirate casually strolled forward, he fixed the opposing group with that same glare. "Today's been a busy day. I was looking forward to a quiet, slow day of pillaging and razzing. But instead…" His glare intensified as he focused solely on Hook and Silk. "I'm stuck dealing with some no-name nobodies, trying to take me out to bolster their names." Raising his hands up for everyone to see, Buggy revealed eight knives, held between his fingers. "I'll say this: you flashy brats have guts! It's almost a shame that I have to kill you two for everything you've done to my name… well, not really. I'm really gonna enjoy it!"

"'Two?'" Hook snorted. "Check your math again, clown! Counting Figures, that's three!"

"Uh, Hook?" Silk looked back behind them to see only Boodle, rubbing his battered throat. The redheaded thief was nowhere around. "Where is Nami?"

Hook looked around their surroundings before shrugging. "No clue. Guess we'll see her later."

"Don't ignore me, damn it!" Buggy barked, raising his arms to aim at the two. "Chop-Chop Cannon!" At his cry, his hands came off, flying forward at an alarming speed. Hook was caught off-guard, and dodged to the side reflexively. On her side of the battle, Silk charged forward, batting the incoming attack away.

"This is for the people who have suffered under you!" Silk swung the ax blade into Buggy… cutting the pirate in half! Shocked, Silk skidded to a halt and looked at Dorado. "The will of the people… was even more powerful than I thought!"

Silk was so distracted by the sudden fatality, that she failed to notice the arm Hook had dodged was making a return… aimed right at her! Just as the four blades were about to hit, Hook grabbed the hand and halted its path. "Hm, doesn't this feel familiar…"

"Grk! Strong grip…" Buggy mused as his torso floated up, hovering over his still-standing lower half.

"M-my word!" Boodle gaped. "He's… he's clean cut in two! How is he still alive!?"

Silk blinked at the sight, before glancing at Hook. "Devil Fruit?"

"Devil Fruit," Hook agreed. "Not sure what it is… Hey, ass clown!"

Buggy flinched violently at the barb. "A-ass clown!?"

"What's your power?" Hook asked, undeterred by the response. "Split-Split? Apart-Apart?"

"Chop-Chop," Buggy answered flatly, before grinning like a slasher villain. "You can slice and dice me, but you can't kill me! Let me show you…" Hook didn't have to wait long for the 'example,' as Buggy's other hand – the one Silk knocked away – collided with his side… and crashed off with a twang. "W-what the flashy hell! That should have perforated you!"

Now it was Hook's turn to grin bloodthirstily. "Sorry~ But I've got one, too! I used the Clank-Clank to make me as tough as iron! My Iron Shell can't be cut by some butter knives!"

Hook, caught up in his short explanation, missed the minute he had said 'Clank-Clank,' Buggy's face had paled significantly. "W-wha? The powers... of the Clank-Clank!? You have that power!?"

Hook tilted his head at Buggy's clear recognition of the Clank-Clank Fruit. "You… know about it already?"

Buggy looked away, sweating bullets as his knees knocked together. "I-I-I have n-no idea what that f-fruit is…"

"No, you do," Hook looked at Buggy closely. "That means… You must have already heard of me!" That day everyone was treated to the rare sight of the top half of a man and his bottom half doing two separate face vaults in two different directions. Everyone except Hook, too caught up crowing about Buggy's (presumed) acknowledgment of his fame. "Clakakaka! So, you already know my name? To think, my first fight with a pirate since I started my voyage, and he already knows my name! I wonder if it's because-"

"I don't know who the flashy hell you are!" Buggy snapped, both halves of him reconnected again. "I just happen to know what the power you clearly stumbled shit backward into can really do!" Buggy blinked, before groaning. "...And it's clear you're too shitty and inexperienced to worry about using it to its full ability…"

"Wait, I'm confused," Hook interrupted. "Do you or do you not know who I am?"

"How vain is this brat!" Buggy barked. "Don't you idiots know the first thing about Devil Fruits!"

"They come with great power!" Hook answered with a grin.

"And with that great power," Silk added with a sad sigh, "also comes great inability to swim. I wasn't a great one before, but I still miss it a little…"

Boodle stared at the battle that had suddenly turned very casual. "There's no question of these youngsters' strength… but should they really be this relaxed against such a dangerous foe?"

Back to the conversation at hand, Hook said to Buggy, "What about you? You have a power too, so you must know something?"

"Ha! As if I'd tell you!" Buggy sneered back at the teen. "First of all, enemies should never go giving what they know to each other!" Buggy paused to stomp his feet, causing blades to pop out of the toes of his shoes. "Secondly, I'll be damned if I let your power get off of this island! If you especially sailed on your way…" Ready to get back in the fight, Buggy reeled back his leg like he was gonna kick from his distant position. "I'd never sleep a damn wink, knowing that power is loose on the seas! Chop-Chop Rice Cracker!" With a battle cry, Buggy launched his lower half, cartwheeling toe over heel, at his target – Silk!

Surprised, Silk raised Dorado to block, but that didn't stop it from knocking her back from its speed. "Silk!" Hook called out, about to rush in and help-

"Chop-Chop Cannon!" Only to turn and catch Buggy's arm inches from his face. Hook turned to glare at the clown, a witty retort locked and loaded, but paused when he saw the clown's small smirk. On instinct, Hook threw his head back… just as Buggy's hand shot off his arm, knives scratching against his forehead with a terrible screech, with sparks erupting from the contact. Hook fell back, his enemy's arm thrown aside as he landed; Buggy laughed where he floated, arm returning to him. "Oops… I meant Chop-Chop Harpoon. Looks like the eyes are still your greatest weakness!"

By this time, Silk had smacked away the armed legs, sending them careening back over to near Buggy. Pointing her gold ax at him, she said, "You gotta try harder than that! Don't go easy on me, you pillaging bastard!"

"If you insist," Buggy smiled as one of his floating hands flipped the girl off. "Guess where I am, shitty brat!"

Silk blinked in confusion at the weird goading, only to hear Hook call out, "Old guy!" Turning on the spot, she saw Buggy's other hand aimed to skewer Boodle faster than he could react.

"Crap!" Moving on instinct, Silk chucked Dorado threw the air, smacking the hand out of the air with the flat side. Unfortunately, to do so meant her back had turned to Buggy; and now, without her weapon-

"Chop-Chop Cannon!" Silk didn't even have time to think about running for Dorado, or turning to at least try to defend or dodge. The knife in Buggy's hand found its target in Silk's side; all the girl could do was swat the hand away, falling to her knees as she held her open wound.

Boodle gasped and said something, but Hook wasn't listening; he was too busy running at Buggy, roaring in anger. "Iron Paw!"

"Quick Escape!" Buggy's head leaped from his body, letting Hook's fist miss him. Hook's overbalancing made him stumble, which Buggy was quick to abuse for another attack. "Don't worry about that bitch, shitty brat! You're gonna be full of holes, too! Chop-Chop Rice Cracker!" Once more, Buggy fired his legs at Hook…

Who turned his stumble into a handstand, blocking the blades from his face with his own legs. The momentum still sent him tumbling back, but Buggy's legs returned back to their source. Hook got up, face devoid of his earlier amusement. "What the hell, you ass clown!"

"Gyahahahahaha! Allow me to educate you, moron!" Buggy taunted with a wide smile. "In a fight with pirates, there's no such thing as 'playing dirty!' Everything's fair game!"

Buggy continued to laugh in Hook's face, but after a minute of no response or retort, the chuckles subsided. Wondering why his enemy had suddenly gone silent, Buggy took note of Hook just standing there…

Hook looked back at him with an unreadable expression…

Buggy raised an eyebrow in question…

Hook smiled back like he told a great joke…

Buggy grinned back as if he got it…

And the moment Hook's face snapped to a determined expression, he charged right at Buggy, keeping low to the ground like he was ready for a tackle. "Iron Paw!"

"Y-you're doing the same thing over again!" Buggy gaped indignantly. "Are you a special kind of dumbass!?" Just as Hook got close, Buggy lifted his entire upper torso to avoid the strike. "Quick Esc – grrk!" Buggy flinched, hanging in the air for a minute before he dropped and crashed to the ground with a whine. This response was perfectly reasonable… since Hook had taken an iron-hard foot to the clown's family jewels.

"Ah, my bad," Hook said, with a smile that looked the clear opposite of apologetic. "I meant 'Iron Popper.'"

"Buggy the Clown?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"I see," was the only response the red-eyed Marine Captain gave, her expression unreadable. At last, she turned to the messenger. "Have all troops prep arms. Even if this the East Blue, I won't take any pirate lightly!"

The sailor saluted before running off to give the order, passing the other red-eyed woman on the way. "So, this fact-finding tour's turned into a capture mission?"

The elder woman shook her head, not surprised in the slightest she'd been eavesdropping. "This is just us approaching but prepared."

"Sis," the younger Marine began. "Do you think the pirate we're hunting came this way on purpose? Maybe they're subordinates of this Buggy?"

"It's not impossible," the Captain admitted. "But going toward an area where a notorious pirate happens to be are two mutually exclusive events. We can't assume they know each other. For now, we prepare to assess the situation of the townspeople."

"And if the pirates are raiding Orange Town?"

The silver-haired woman's eyes almost sparked with clear intent. "Then we bring them down. Not a single one escapes Justice."

A/N: To answer your questions, yes, we have no Cabaji. To be frank, I never liked him anyway. If OPLA can remove and shuffle characters, I don't see why I can't. Thoughts on the chapter? Let me know in the comments! Next time, the conclusion of Hook and Silk vs. Buggy!