Chapter 1

Mixed Emotions

By Dajsha Wessel

She remembers that day like it was yesterday. Maybe because it was only a few months ago? Or maybe because it was such a pivotal moment in her life that would forever leave a scar on her heart. She never thought she would find love like that. To have someone be your best friend, and who could also make your toes curl….And God was he good at that. The way he knew every inch of her body. Every crease, Every curve, Every Mole.

Realizing where these thoughts were taking her she shook her head violently. She wouldn't allow herself to think about him like that. She was over him. She didn't love him anymore, she simply couldn't. Allowing herself to fall into his trap again is something she simply wouldn't do.

As she turned over in her sleep, the only thing she could think about was that horrible day. She was so stressed with work, maintaining her relationship, and trying to keep herself sane. Having Ross ask her yet AGAIN if her actions towards him were because of Mark, she simply snapped. She couldn't handle it anymore.

As a tear slowly ran down her cheek and she began to slip into unconsciousness. The memory of that dreadful day repeated itself in her mind's eye.

"Oh my god. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross. No, you-you-you're making this too hard."

"Oh, I'm, I'm making this too hard? Okay, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, I don't know, look…Ugh! Maybe we should just take a break!"

"Okay. Okay, fine. You're right. Let's, uh, let's take a break. Let's cool off. Okay. Let's get some frozen yogurt or something."

"No…a break from us."

Beginning to wake, she could hear Monica moving around in the kitchen. Probably making breakfast no doubt. Having decided to take the day off from work she took a few minutes to decide whether or not she wanted to begin her day. Before should could begin her debate, there was a knock on her door.

"Rach, honey, it's Mon. I made you some french toast and a nice cup of coffee."

Sitting up, Rachel replied. "Thanks, sweetie. I'll be out in just a minute!"

"Alright" Said Monica.

With that she flopped back onto her bed, letting out a deep sigh. After a few minutes of careful deliberation, she got out of bed. As she began to walk to her door, she spotted herself in her vanity mirror. God, I look so pathetic. Why was she still crying over a man who broke her heart? She was over him, she no longer loved him. Right?

She shook her feelings off, got dressed, and did her makeup. After looking at herself in the mirror and being satisfied with the person looking back at her, she headed to her bedroom door. Before turning the knob she took a deep breath and putting on a smile, she turned the knob. She wasn't that good of a waitress but faking a facade is something she was raised to do. As a daughter who was raised to keep up appearances, this is something she was good at. As she walked into the kitchen with an exaggerated skip in her step, she greeted Monica.

"Hey Mon! Mmmhh, this smells delicious. What's with all the pampering, is today a special occasion?"

"No" Mon replied. "I just noticed you've been a little down lately and I wanted to do something special for you."

"Awww, thanks sweetie. But really, I'm fine. I'm actually feeling spectacular today." She said overdramatically. "I think I might go on a walk around the park and get some much-needed fresh air."

"Oh, okay" Monica said a little bleakly. "Would you like me to join you, keep you some company?"

"No that's fine honey. I think I just want to be by myself and my thoughts."

Before Monica could reply, Rachel eagerly made her way into the hall. She was good at keeping up a facade, but she never said it was easy. Taking a deep breath she began making her way to Central Park.

Rolling out of the bed, he silenced his alarm. Waking up nowadays was becoming harder and harder. Seeing her every day, but not being with her. It was tearing him into pieces. They had finally reached a place where they could be in the same room without bickering and wanting to tear each other's heads off. He hated arguing with her, seeing her so hurt and broken. But moreover, he hated that he did that to her. That he didn't stay and fight for her. That he just walked out the door when she called for the break. But it wasn't completely his fault, right? He offered to go get frozen yogurt to talk about things, she was the one that pushed him away.

Feeling the rage begin to build up again he quickly shook off these feelings. He couldn't dwell on the past, they were over. He would no longer get to hold her, smell her beautiful aroma, play with her hair, nibble that little spot behind her neck that made her squirm….And my god, that laugh! He could be having the worst day of his life and simply hearing her laugh would brighten up his whole world.

Stop! He thought to himself. Thinking about all the things he missed about her would only torture him. Taking a deep breath he got up and headed for the bathroom. Maybe taking a nice hot shower would help him clear his thoughts. Before he could start the shower, he heard his phone ringing. He pondered for a minute, deciding whether or not he should let the machine pick it up. Before he could make a decision he heard his voicemail begin.

"Hey, this is Ross Geller's apartment, sorry for not picking up. I'm probably not home right now. Leave a message and I'll make sure to get back to you. If this is an emergency, my pager number is 55-Dino. Thanks."

He smiled at the mention of his new pager number. He had to change it after the whole 55-Jimbo incident. Those were the weirdest calls he's ever had to relay. His new number was actually Rachel's idea. At first, she said it as a joke to toy with him but he decided to go with it anyway. It fit him, plus it was her idea so he already loved it.

He heard the faint beeping noise indicating it was someone's turn to leave a message. As he was turning back to begin his task, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Hi, Dino Guy! It's me, Chloe. We haven't seen you at the Xerox place in a while. I was just wondering if everything was okay. I was actually wondering if you maybe wanted to get a coffee. Or take me out to dinner? OHH, also I have that order ready for you. Bye!"

The minute he heard her name all emotions drained from his body. I gave her my number? I DO NOT remember doing that! Then again I don't remember much about that night either. And what order is she talking about, I don't remember needing to get anything copied, right?

Whatever, I'll deal with that later, she is the LAST person I want to see right now. Taking a last look at himself in the mirror, he turned the shower on and hopped in.

Walking through Central Park was very relaxing. This was something she definitely needed. She heard the birds chirping, sun shining, and the wind blowing through her long honey-blond hair. She's not going to lie, she has been feeling a little down lately but now she's got this feeling like she could conquer the whole world.

Skipping into Central Perk, this time meaning each lift of her heal. Feeling as light as a feather. She swung open the door to the coffee house and headed straight for the counter.

"Hey, Gunther!"

"Oh! Hey Rachel." He replied, a little flustered. "How are you today, you look really good."

"I feel really good. I don't know why, I just feel…..I just… I don't know" She said shrugging with a faint smile on her lips.

"Well I'm glad, I was really worried for you after that whole Ross thing."

And just like that, her mood hit a complete 180. As her smile left her face, she said abruptly. "For the future, could we not speak about him? He is the last thing I want to talk about. Got it?"

Before Gunther could reply, Rachel snatched some change out of her purse. Throwing it on the counter she then snatched her coffee and began to leave. Turning towards the door, before she could step any further she caught his eye. He was sitting on the orange couch that the gang usually hung out on. He was there alone Assuming from the way he was twisted on the couch and looking at her, she guessed he heard her outburst.

He looked worse for wear. His hair was a complete mess. His stubble looked unmanaged and judging by his dark circles she guessed he hadn't been getting much sleep. Staring at his eyes, and getting stuck in one of those infamous Ross and Rachel stares she couldn't help but feel sad for him. Why was she feeling like this, he was the one that hurt her. He was the one that broke her heart and left her in so much pain. But somehow, looking at his beautiful hazel eyes made her forget all the pain he caused her. Reminding her of all the love they shared for each other. How those eyes used to stare at her so intensely, reflecting all the love he felt for her. Looking at them now, she could swear there was still a hint of love there. Before she realized what she was doing, she was walking over to sit next to him on the couch.

"Hey you." He said.

"Hey, you." She replied meekly. Saying their greeting to each other felt like a knife stabbing her in the heart. God, she missed him so much. But she wouldn't let herself go down that road.

Sensing her discomfort he began to speak. "So…How have you been? Are you going to Monica's tonight for movie night?"

"Umm…I'm doing great actually." She replied with a forced smile.

It was killing him to see her so happy without him. Sitting this close to her is stirring so many emotions in him. The faint smell of Chanel on her and the slight aroma of her coconut shampoo…before he could get lost. She interrupted his thoughts.

"As for tonight, I guess I'll be there…seeing as I live there." She said with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess I didn't think about that." He said nervously scratching his neck.

After a few moments there began to be an awkward silence between them. The air was so thick Ross could've sworn he was having trouble breathing. Stopping this torture he got up without making eye contact with Rachel.

"Well, I guess I'll catch you later."

"Yeah, I guess I'll see you." She replied softly.

She couldn't help but watch him leave. Sitting that close to him was pure torture. Smelling his cologne, she could've sworn it was the Gucci men's cologne she bought him on one of her shopping sprees. Closing her eyes and taking another deep sigh she decided this was enough. She was going to get over him. With much determination, she got up and headed to her apartment.

After walking into her apartment Rachel ran into Monica who amazingly was still there. Stopping dead in her tracks she looked at her.

"Hey, what are you still doing here."

"Oh, Hey. I am actually about to get ready for work. I have the night shift tonight." Replied Monica.

"Oh" Rachel said, making sure to not make eye contact with her. The last thing she wanted to do was tell Monica what she was doing. Monica was her best friend but Ross was her brother. Blood is always thicker than water. Right?

Unfortunately. Monica could see right through her.

"Hey, are you okay? What happened, you were doing okay this morning." Monica said worryingly.

Meeting Monica's concerned gaze, she let it all out. With pools of water threatening to leave her eyes she poured her heart out to her.

Looking back the ground Rachel replied. "I…Uhh…I ran into Ross at the coffee shop."

"Oh, honey…" Monica said with sympathy as she walked over to give Rachel a hug.

However, Rachel quickly took a step back and yelled at Monica in a tone louder than she initially intended it to be, "I AM OKAY MON. I am so tired of people looking at me with pity. I ended it with him. I do not need him anymore. I do not love him anymore." This last sentence was said more to convince herself. She was done crying over him. Quickly she remembered what she was here to do. Running off to her room like a woman on a mission she searched her room for anything that had to do with Ross. She was erasing him from her life. He did not deserve to occupy a space in her heart. Not after what he did to her.

Seeing Rachel run off to her room, Monica assumed she didn't want to be bothered. "Alright, Well I'm about to head off to work. I'll see you later?" She yelled. After a few minutes with no reply, she exhaled, grabbed her chef's hat, and headed off to work.

After finding an empty box she grabbed anything she could find that reminded her of him. There were some CDs that he left, some Discovery magazines she was happy to get rid of, and some hats. She remembered there were some shirts that she left in a drawer for him, so she quickly threw those into the box. Even though this was a simple task, it was emotionally taxing. She didn't realize how hard this would be. Seeing another piece of garment on the floor she picked it up intending to throw it into the box. That was until she saw the faded "Frankie Says Relax" text on the front. Clutching the shirt to her chest she slumped on the bed, sniffing the shirt she began to cry. Giving up some random books and shirts was easy but this…this she could not give up. After wearing it for months it still smelled like him. His sweet yet masculine aroma. With a slight hint of his manly deodorant and cologne.

No, this I simply won't give up. Tossing the shirt onto her bed she grabbed the box, closed the lid, and headed back to the living room. Dreading the next part of her task, this was difficult but now here comes the hardest part. Actually giving the box to Ross.

After the awkward encounter at the coffee shop, he headed home to try and clear his head. After walking through the door, and tossing his keys on the coffee table he saw that he had a new message. After clicking the button he began to listen.

"You have two new messages"

"Hi, Dino Guy! It's me Chloe. We haven't seen you at the Xerox place in a while…"

After realizing who that message was from he quickly ignored it. I have way too much on my plate to deal with her. Taking a deep sigh he closed his eyes and began to listen to the next message.

"Hey…Ross…It's me."

After hearing those words his eyes shot open. Was he hearing things or was that her? She never calls me, what could she possibly want? Sitting straight up he stared at the answering machine intensely, urging it to keep playing the message."

"...I was wondering if you could come over for a little. I think we need to talk."

What was that about? Nothing good ever comes from someone saying "We need to talk". Maybe she missed him because he definitely missed her. God…how much he missed her. With his heart pounding in his chest and a lump in his throat he made his way to her apartment.

Pacing back and forth in her apartment she was full of nerves. Why was she so nervous? It's just Ross, she was just giving him his stuff back, this would be good for them. Right? This could help them move on, which is exactly what she wanted, right?

Hearing a knock on the door her heart began to pound against her chest. Taking a deep breath and putting on a brave face she opened the door.

"Hey you." He said with a faint smile on his face.

"Hey." She said faintly. This was already going to be hard. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of using their greeting.

Seeing she avoided meeting his eyes and purposefully rephrased their greeting his smile was replaced by a slight frown.

"Come in." She said, realizing he was still in the hall. As he passed her she could get a faint whiff of his aroma. That was definitely the Gucci cologne she bought him. God, why was he making this harder than it needed to be? Closing the door she put her brave face back on and led him to the coffee table.

"So, what was it that you wanted to talk about."

"Oh, yes…that." Avoiding his eyes she grabbed the box and headed towards him. "I thought you would like your stuff back"

"What?" He said sadly.

Taking another breath she continued. "You know, your stuff? It's just some CDs, hats, and some shirts that you left here."

"Why are you doing this, are you trying to hurt me."

At that she snapped her head up looking deep into his eyes. "No, of course not. I just thought it was about time we moved on. Don't you think?"

His eyes showed nothing but sorrow. She really didn't want to do this to him but this was good for them. It would help them heal, right?

Trying to mask the pain Ross looked away from her gaze. "Yes, I guess it's about time we do that then." He tried to remain calm but he couldn't, didn't she see how much that was hurting him? The last thing he wanted to do was give up any memory of her. I guess it was easier for her. Maybe there is someone else? Had she already moved on? His temper began to rise. This was his last straw.

"Fine!" He snapped. "Since you want to move on so bad…" He said while looking into the box. "Where is the rest of my stuff? Matter of fact, that shirt that you like to sleep in, I would like that back too!"

Now Rachel was seeing red. How petty and immature could he be? Trying to keep him from seeing how hurt she was from this she instead masked it with anger. "You know how much I love that shirt!"

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you move on!" Ross yelled.

Stomping off to her room she came back with the shirt. Shoving it into his chest she argued. "You're such a petty man. You can't even fit that shirt anymore."

"Yeah well…" Being at a loss for words and wanting to make a point, he took his sweater off and put on the "Frankie Says Relax" shirt. After a few minutes of staring at each other, eyes full of hurt and anger, he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.