What if I'd never run into you?
What if you'd never smiled at me?
What if I hadn't noticed you too?
And you'd never showed up where I happened to be
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
On a quiet night, what are the odds?
What's a guy like me doing in a place like this?
I could have just walked by, who would've thought?
Freddie jolted awake. He was disoriented and his heart was pounding in his ears so it took him a moment to realize where he was. His eyes eventually adjusted to the dim moonlight shinning in through the window on the opposite side of the room and he tried to steady his breathing. It was just a dream. He was home and in his own bed… Well, their own bed. It was just a dream.
He rose slightly to make sure he hadn't disturbed his wife by his brief moment of panic. No, she was still sleeping peacefully. Good, after the past few weeks, she deserved it.
He settled back into his pillow and replayed the nightmare in his mind. It wasn't the first one he'd had, but it was the first time he'd had this one in particular. For years he'd had regrets over their past, but he'd eventually come to realize that every misstep in their journey had helped to lead them here, where they were meant to be and he loved where they were. But occasionally his overactive brain would show him the other side of things… The multitude of what-ifs he'd considered over the years. If he'd done something differently, how much their paths could have deviated… How different his life could be.
This time Carly hadn't come to him to borrow his A/V equipment all those years ago when she'd been forced to record the talent show for Ms. Briggs. After discovering how Spencer had destroyed his video camera, she simply told Ms. Briggs who leant her one of the school's cameras to use.
Without him there to film Carly and Sam goofing off, and later, accidentally posting it online, there was no inspiration for iCarly and thus no web show to bring them all closer together. In his dream, he'd simply remained the boy across the hall that she gave sympathetic glances to when he was excited to see her. Sam would throw her insults when he greeted them in the hallway, but he wasn't invited over to Spencer's except for the rare party that most of their grade was invited to as well. They never became the close trio that they were.
Then, without him to there as another voice of reason to help tone down and balance out Sam's destructive streak, Carly got into much more trouble – initially just covering for Sam, hoping to keep her from getting suspended. But it eventually got to a point that Spencer wouldn't let Carly hang out with Sam anymore. It created a big wedge between the siblings and lead to Carly sneaking out to see her best friend and inevitably getting into real trouble.
She became someone he didn't recognize. After getting caught spray-painting graffiti with Sam, Col. Shay finally sent Carly away to some private school in an attempt to keep her out of trouble and Freddie never saw her again. Spencer moved out not long after, Col. Shay refusing to pay for such a large apartment for just his son who was supposed to be too busy with law school to really need all that space.
Without his closest friends by his side, Freddie was left defenseless against the insanity of his overbearing mother and never really grew into his own, remaining a lonely dork living with his mother. He didn't get accepted into his dream college without the iCarly notoriety helping to tip the scale in his favor. In a nutshell, his life was garbage.
Even knowing it was just a dream, he was still shaken. The thought of not having the bubbly brunette who was currently sound asleep beside him made him uneasy. His heart ached to even imagine it.
What are the chances that we'd end up dancing?
Like two in a million, like once in a life
That I could have found you, put my arms around you
Like two in a million, like once in a life
What are the chances?
In the darkness he heard a soft grunt. In the past weeks he'd begun to recognize that sound. It meant that he had just a few minutes before all hell would break loose and wake up everyone in the apartment.
He climbed out of bed as gently as he could and padded over to the bassinet next to the other side of the bed. He picked up his three-week-old daughter before her grunts and gurgling turned into all out wailing. Before he turned to leave, he cast one last glance at Carly, her face the picture of serenity in the soft moonlight. What would he do without this woman in his life?
Once he entered the hallway, he finally addressed his daughter, whispering gently. "Hey sleepyhead… Thank you for not screaming and waking up Mommy. She really needs her sleep." The baby simply blinked up at him in confusion. "Oh, yes, she does. Now let's go get you that bottle. Yeah, I know that's what you really want…"
They silently made their way down the hallway and to the kitchen. He held the warm bundle against him with one arm while he retrieved the bottle of breastmilk from the refrigerator and put it in the bottle warmer on the counter. "Just a few minutes, Sweetpea…"
As they waited, he softly paced across the room, gently bouncing as they went, hoping to keep her calm for as long as possible. This was a dance he knew well. The first week home Carly had insisted on being up for all of the late-night feedings, but finally exhaustion had won out and she had relented to letting him take over if he really wanted to.
She'd had a long and difficult delivery; their daughter been breech and the doctor had to manually turn her. Carly had been a champ through it all, but he knew her body was still wore out from the ordeal. He was still amazed at everything her body had been able to do and was more than happy to shoulder the load as much as possible.
In all honestly, he enjoyed the one-on-one time with his daughter, without her mother fussing over her or her sister or grandparents fighting for time with her. Besides, the first two weeks home had been filled with nightmares about the birth, if things had truly taken a turn for the worse, so he hadn't really been sleeping well anyways. He needed the reassurance that Carly and Risa were really with him.
They'd named their daughter after his mother, but instead used the nickname. While she'd been wonderful and a great help all through Carly's pregnancy, his mom really came through for them during the delivery. She'd been the best advocate they could've asked for. Being a nurse, she was able to articulate their concerns and make sure they were taken seriously. When things went sideways, she was able to keep Carly, and honestly him too, calm by gently, but clearly, explaining everything the doctor was doing and why in a way they could understand in their frightened and distressed state. From the moment the word breech had been mentioned she'd been their rock and he'd forever be grateful that she'd been there. He knew that her presence had helped Carly focus and in-turn keep her blood pressure down.
Once the bottle was ready, he headed to her nursery and the comfort of her rocking chair.
What if I hadn't asked for your name?
And time hadn't stopped when you said it to me?
Of all of the plans that I could've made
Of all of the nights that I couldn't sleep
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
In a crowded room, what are the odds?
What's a guy like me doing in a place like this?
Getting close to you, but here we are
As they walked back down the hall, his mind replayed the other dreams he'd had. While most were ones where he never ended up with Carly, he'd had one that was the complete opposite.
As he passed Millicent's room, he paused, placing his palm against her door, needing the minor connection. He was tempted to peek in to check on her, but he didn't want to risk waking her and continued on to the nursery.
Once settled into the rocking chair with the pillow on his lap, he let his mind wander again as he fed his youngest her bottle.
He'd had one dream where things in Italy had turned out very differently. Instead of leaving early brokenhearted, he'd kissed Carly before the old man had the chance to ruin their moment. In this universe, he'd gotten his chance to ask her to be his and she'd more than happily accepted, instantly jumping into his arms. They'd made the long-distance relationship work and she'd come home to graduate with him and the rest of their class, Sam cheering them on from the audience next to Spencer and his mom.
They'd somehow made it work through his time in college as well, visiting each other as often as possible. She'd tried her hand at college in Italy, but realizing it wasn't for her, she'd surprisingly become a host on QVC Italia, all the while planning for it to be temporary - to help pass the time and save up for her eventual return home. He'd proposed right after his graduation ceremony, with the wedding the next spring.
When he'd awoken, he'd been smiling, until the full implications hit him. If they had worked things out all those years ago then he never would've had his two failed marriages… He wouldn't have Millicent. While their relationship had been rocky in the beginning, he couldn't imagine his life without her. She'd entered his life almost a decade ago and did her best to turn it completely upside down. She definitely was a spitfire.
When he and Gwen fell apart, he'd been worried that Gwen would take Millicent with her. He'd been surprised to say the least when she opted to stay with him instead, not wanting to live on a boat in the middle of nowhere and having grown attached to her stepfather as well, not that she would readily admit as much. When she'd finally called him Dad, he'd tried to play it cool to avoid scaring her away from saying it again, but it'd been one of the happiest moments of his life.
Yes, regardless of genetics, she was his daughter in all the ways that mattered and he loved her dearly.
What are the chances that we'd end up dancing?
Like two in a million, like once in a life
I could have found you, put my arms around you
Like two in a million, like once in a life
What are the chances?
Risa was finished with her bottle, so he set it aside and lifted her to burp her on his shoulder. When he heard the telltale sound, he lowered her back into his arms.
He was the luckiest man alive… Married to the woman he loved with two beautiful daughters. How did he ever get so lucky?
As he watched his youngest drift back to sleep, he thought back to another bad dream he'd had. Things had worked out with his first start-up and he never moved back in with his mother. Actually, without the stress over money, he and Gwen never divorced. Deep down he didn't love her as much as he knew he should, but they were happy. While she did still leave for trips out to sea, they were for shorter durations and less frequently.
He'd occasionally visit Seattle and see his mother and Spencer, one of his largest investors, but it wasn't the same. He'd see Carly at Spencer's and while they were friendly, they had grown apart over the years. He'd still feel that tightness in his chest when he saw her, but he always forced himself to ignore it. It wasn't as strong as it once had been, but it was still there… always lingering in the background.
She never married, instead going through a seemingly endless stream of men who were all wrong for her. She'd become an influencer while overseas and somehow kept winding up with men of the similar profession who ended up rather vain and empty. Apparently, normal guys couldn't handle the stress and lack of privacy due to her job and thus didn't stick around for very long. Without him in her life, she'd ended up alone.
His daughter's yawn pulled Freddie from his thoughts. He smiled as he rubbed his finger along her cheek. In his dream, he and Gwen had discussed having more children, but never did. How could he have gone his whole life without knowing this feeling?
He loved Millicent more than words could say, but that love had grown over time. With Risa it was different, he'd loved her before he ever laid eyes on her. The first time he'd felt her kick was when it truly became real to him and his heart swelled - he hadn't known he was capable of such love. The utter fear he'd felt when her heart-rate momentarily dropped while the doctor was turning her had more than confirmed that love. He hadn't been able to hold back the tears when she finally came into the world and when she cried, he nearly collapsed in relief.
Risa was now sleeping deeply again. He took the opportunity to change her diaper while she was out cold. After carrying her to the changing table, he gently unknotted the sleep sack, careful to not wake her, cleaned her and replaced her soiled diaper. He smiled to himself - back in the day this would've grossed him out to the point of gagging, but now it somehow didn't faze him in the slightest. He really had grown over the years.
Is it love? Is it fate?
Who am I? Who's to say?
Don't know exactly what it means
Is it love? Is it fate?
Where it leads, who can say?
Maybe you and I were meant to be
Now that she was fed and changed, Risa would likely be out until time for her morning feeding. He carefully opened their bedroom door to return their daughter to the bassinet next to her mother. He'd offered to move it to his side of the bed to help ensure Carly didn't get woken up for the late-night feedings, but she was adamant that she wanted her close in case something happened.
Freddie gently placed her in the bassinet and gazed lovingly over his two girls. He watched them for a moment before he finally climbed back into bed, careful not to wake his wife. His wife… He still couldn't believe it. They'd been married for about two years now and they'd been the best two years of his life. After a lifetime of pinning for this woman, he had actually gotten his wish, she was his.
As he adjusted himself back under the sheet, he looked to Carly's sleeping form. They'd been through so much over the years. He'd been crazy about this woman for nearly twenty years. It was almost hard to believe.
As he thought back through some of their crazy adventures, he was reminded of another of bad dream… Very likely the worst of them all. He had this one quite some time ago, but he'd been shaken for a very long time after. Carly had always told him how afraid she'd been when he'd saved her from that truck all those years ago… How she'd almost lost him. That that was the moment that truly opened her eyes to the depth of her feelings for him. But his worst nightmare had been him not being there to save her.
In his dream, he'd stopped to check something on his camera as she and Sam walked on ahead of him and he then looked up too late. He heard the horn of the truck blow and just as he raised his head, he watched the impact. He watched as she turned at the last second and then as the force of the truck threw her a few feet. He dropped his camera and ran to her, but it was too late. He cradled her limp body and cried. He'd later be told that between the internal damage and head trauma that she'd never had a chance, but at least it was quick – she'd died on impact.
He should've protected her… It should've been him. She was way too young. How could he live the rest of his life without her?
He remembered how it had completely broken Spencer – how he became a shell of himself. As for Sam, she retreated into herself, unable to face the loss. She stopped talking to everyone and eventually stopped showing up to school at all. She pretty much disappeared off of the face of the Earth.
And for him? Well, he became a zombie. He couldn't sleep and he couldn't eat… He was completely consumed by grief. He never got the chance to tell her, to really tell her. She'd always assumed it was just a silly crush and he let her. She never knew how much he truly loved her. How serious he'd actually been about her, afraid of scaring her. She was gone and she'd never know… She'd never know the feeling of falling deeply in love. She'd never learn to drive a car, get married or have kids. She was robbed of it all.
Freddie shook his head, refusing to get lost down that rabbit hole again. He'd spent way too much analyzing that nightmare for weeks after he dreamt it. It wasn't real… He'd been there and he'd saved her. The soft sounds of her breathing next to him comforted him, reassuring him this wasn't a dream. She really was with him. But if this was a dream, he hoped he never woke up from it.
One good thing did come from that particular nightmare… It reaffirmed his dedication to not only Carly, but to his daughter… now daughters… as well. He would do anything for the women in his life. He would do anything to protect them, even giving his life to save them if he had to.
Carly had once asked him if he would do it again, would he jump in front of that truck knowing how he would get hurt in the end. After that dream, he knew without a doubt that he would… Knowing all too well what the alternative could be. Maybe he could've shouted to warn her or maybe he could've run faster and got them both out of the path of the truck. There were too many maybes… He just knew he would do whatever it took to save her.
What are the chances that we'd end up dancing?
Two in a million, once in a life
That I could have found you
Put my arms around you (my arms around you)
Two in a million, like once in a life, yeah
What are the chances?
Two in a million, once in a life
What are the chances?
Two in a million, once in a life
While those dreams had scared him, they had confirmed that everything he and Carly had been through, every stupid miscommunication, every heartbreak, every bad relationship and every crazy adventure had led them here. Even the slightest, seemingly insignificant change would inevitably have much bigger ramifications.
Over the years, he'd dissected and over thought practically every decision he'd ever made. He'd wished for the chance for do-overs… Like Quantum Leap, to make right what once went wrong. But now that thought scared him more. What if he changed the wrong thing and lost something wonderful from his life? It wasn't worth the risk.
Carly began to stir next to him, a muffled groan coming from her. He rolled next to her, wrapping his arm around her waist, spooning her. He felt her relax against him in her sleep and he smiled into her hair. No, he could never risk losing this.
He couldn't help it, he had to say it… "I love you, Carly. Thank you for this wonderful life you've given me." He'd whispered it softly against her neck, hoping to not disturb her. She made some vague grunt of acknowledgment but didn't wake up, so maybe deep down she'd actually heard him.
He relaxed into her and finally felt sleep about to overtake him. His last thought before he drifted off was what were the chances he'd finally get it right.
What if I'd never run into you?
And what if you'd never smiled at me?