Her sleep was deep and dreamless, though she did remember voices over her and someone pushing hard on her belly. She had begged them to stop and they had. Warmth had tricked through her veins as hands had covered her, and she had drifted back off into sleep.
Now, pain woke her again - sharp cramps, like the contractions, but not as urgent. Something else hurt, a shooting and terrible pain between her legs, but that dulled as she stilled her body.
Daine cracked open a eye. Evening sun filled the bedchamber, making the room warm in red and golden light. She had always loved how the setting sun made their rooms seem so cozy. It reminder her of watching the sun set over the ocean at the tower.
Pains stabbed her middle again, and she sucked in a breath. Turning her head, she saw someone had brought Numair's favorite chair from the keeping room and had set it next to the bed. He was slumped down in it, asleep. He looked as tired as she felt.
Memories started to flood back. She took a breath and felt odd, then realized why - she could breath easily! Her hand went down her belly, and the huge bump was gone.
Someone moved into her field of vision - Hester, who stood over her and gave her a kind smile. "Look who's awake," she whispered. "How to you feel?"
"I hurt," Daine whispered back, and found most of her voice was gone. Hester nodded sympathetically.
"I can give you something for the pain in a little while." She whispered again, trying not to disturb Numair. "I need to push on your belly, to make sure there are no blood clots. It's going to hurt, I'm sorry."
"The baby?" Daine asked, heart in her throat. The last thing she remembered was the ring of fire she had passed through as the baby had come out of her. Everything after that was dark and hazy.
"Is well. Currently in the stables, getting milk from a dam." Hester's eyes twinkled as she pulled back the sheet. "It wanted to try out foal shape for a while, it seems."
Daine took that in with relief. Her child was alive, and well, and that was all that mattered to her at the moment.
The midwife hadn't lied - the firm pushes on her already abused belly hurt terribly. Once the midwife had finished, she handed Daine a potion for the pain. After Daine downed it, Numair stirred and rubbed his face. He looked down at her and froze, taking her in.
"I will go see about having the child brought up," Hester said, and left them.
Numair came down beside her on his knees, cupping her cheek and kissing her forehead. Then he buried his face into her curls and sobbed his relief. Daine didn't cry - she was too exhausted. She just fingered his hair and relished the warm feeling of the pain potion flowing through her limbs.
He lifted his head, eyes red rimmed with dark circles underneath. "How do you feel?" he asked, pushing back her hair.
"Awful," she croaked. "What happened?"
"You were exhausted, and your magic was drained. You couldn't keep up with the shape shifts and the baby started to rupture your womb." He shook his head, looking sick. "You were bleeding out. By some miracle, the baby chose human shape and stayed that way as you pushed it out."
Daine closed her eyes, remembering. "It…it was Ma, I think. I didn't see her but…I felt her."
Numair nodded. "I did, too, magelet."
She looked up at him again. "The baby?"
He smiled. "Came out a healthy and very big baby girl, then happily proceeded to show of its shape changing skills."
"A girl?" she asked, smiling. She had always thought she would have a daughter, though she didn't know why. Maybe because it had always been her and her Ma growing up.
"Well, at first. It seems out little shape shifter can shift that, as well."
Daine laughed, and then gasped in pain. "I feel like I've been split open," she breathed. Numair looked pained.
"You were, to an extent. I'm sorry. I think the baby has my head. They healed you up, but said you will be in pain for a while."
"Lovely," Daine whispered. A yawn overtook her and her eyes suddenly felt too heavy to keep open. Numair kissed her forehead again.
"Go back to sleep, my sweet. I will wake you when then bring the baby."
She didn't even have time to agree before she drifted back off.
Numair was good to his word, waking her with a gentle stroke on the forehead some time later. She opened her eyes to see a wiggling wolf pup, blind and yipping loudly. She reached out her arms and pulled the pup close, and it stuck its wet nose in her ear and sniffed her. Her tears came now, first lightly and then in sobs. Numair pushed her hair back and murmured quietly to her.
She didn't know how, but she knew this was her child. Every fiber of her being sung it as she stroked the small pup. It yipped again, and then quickly shifted to a duckling, with dark, soft down and gentle peeps. Daine giggled as the tears slowed.
"Help me sit," she told Numair, and he obliged. She hurt everywhere, and bit her cheek to not yell out with the pain. He piled pillows around her sides and back to support her as she cradled the duckling.
Someone had put a nightgown on her, though she felt sticky with dried sweat and longed for a bath already. She still lay on blood-soaked sheets, and there was herbs, pestles, and potions all along their dresser across the room. Numair and her were the only ones in the bedchamber, though she could hear voices coming from the keeping room.
"How long was I asleep?" she asked, stroking her child. It was now dark outside their windows.
"The baby was born two hours after midnight last night. You lost consciousness after that, though you did wake briefly when the healers did the blood spell."
"Blood spell?" she asked, looking to him. He looked so very tired.
"You lost too much blood for your body to recover on it's own. Duke Baird preformed a spell to bring your blood levels back up. It's a tricky spell, but it worked."
She whistled. "Duke Baird. I didn't know I was that important."
"Of course you're that important, Daine. The whole palace has been worried sick about you. Jon and Thayet ordered sacrifices to the Goddess for your health, and Onua spent most of the day in the keeping room waiting to see if you would wake up."
"She did?" Daine asked, tears suddenly coming to her eyes.
"She did. She only left when this little one stayed in foal shape for several hours and we decided to try to get it to nurse on a mother horse. She helped with that, of course."
The baby shifted again, this time to a tiny lion cub. Daine snuggled the little cub closer and her child fell asleep. "Did it nurse, then? I've been fair worried about that."
Numair nodded. "Yes. And emptied it's bowels too, so we are lucky there."
Daine smiled and stroked the sleeping cub. "At least it knows to pick cute shapes."
"You missed the snake earlier. Mistress Elnid ran screaming from the room when that happened."
That shared a laugh at the moment the midwife in question came through the door. "It is good to see you awake, Daine. You gave all of us quite a scare."
"I'm very happy to be awake, Mistress Elnid," Daine told her with a gentle smile.
"Pass the cub off to your husband. I need to examine you."
Daine nuzzled the tiny cat and then passed it off to Numair, who cradled it close to his chest. He took a seat in the chair beside the bed before Elnid could order him to leave.
Elnid pressed on her belly again, which was one of the worst things Daine thought she had ever felt, then made her spread her legs to check on the healing there. Elnid then felt her head and her pulse, then nodded in satisfaction. "If you would like a bath, this would be a good time. You need to eat and get some fluids in you, after that. I have a numbing salve for the tearing, and you can use another pain potion."
Daine didn't feel much like eating, but a bath sounded wonderful. Elnid sent an attendant to start it, and helped Daine move to the edge of the bed and then stand on shaking legs. Her entire body felt bruised and tender.
"Need help?" Numair asked, giving her an anxious glance. She shook her head.
"You have the baby."
Elnid helped her into the privy, where she stripped off her nightgown. Daine was bare underneath. The midwife went to get some oils for the bath water and left Daine alone, in front of the mirror.
She looked at herself and felt like crying. She had never been one to fuss over her appearance or her body before, so it wasn't vanity that made her feel so shocked at her reflection. It was simply the fact that she was so very different. Where her stomach had been flat, there was now a low round belly, like she was six months pregnant. Her middle already had scars, but now there were new, angry red marks as well. Her hips looked rounder, her breasts were tender and large, the nipples huge and dark. Her face was tired, her eyes bloodshot, and her hair…she didn't think she would ever get all the tangles out.
Thankfully, Elnid had sent Hester to help with the bath. She saw Daine's tears and gently lead her over to the tub. "Just like any war, a baby leaves scars," the younger midwife told her, and she helped her sink into the water. She added the oils and helped Daine wash. She even scrubbed her hair and combed most of the tangle out.
She helped her from the tub and sat her on the chamberpot, applying the salve and showing Daine how to clean herself while she healed. She wrapped Daine's loincloth in monthly linens and then helped her dress in it and a clean nightgown, one that unlaced down the front so she could nurse. Then Hester helped Daine back into the bedchamber, lowering her back into the bed. Daine thought she had never been more thankful for midwives.
She was brought dinner, water, teas, and her pain potion. After all those things she felt much better. She took the baby back, who was still a sleeping lion cub. Elnid came in again.
"We will need to feed the baby. It has only eaten once since birth, when it was a foal for several hours." Elnid rubbed her temple. "To be honest with you, I have no idea how to go about this. You could always give it a bottle with a goat's milk mixture, but then you will lose your own milk supply."
Daine shook her head. "I want to nurse my baby."
Elnid sighed. "I was afraid you would say that."
Numair, not liking the midwife's tone, sat up a little straighter in his chair. "I can assure you, if Daine puts her mind to it, she will find a way to make it work."
The midwife eyed him but didn't reply to that. Instead, she turned back to Daine. "Nursing is a balance of supply and demand. If there is no demand, your supply will be low. If there is a great demand, your supply will be less. I am already a but worried - most babies will have nursed the entire first day of life, on and off. I hope your body will catch up soon. We will need to try to get the baby to latch in some form so your body knows to make milk."
Daine looked at the sleeping cub in her arms. Thankfully, lions were born without milk teeth. "Perhaps I could shift into the animal the baby is and nurse that way?"
Elnid shrugged. "It's a thought. We could also try to express the milk and give it to the baby."
Daine made a face. "Milk me like a cow, you mean."
Elnid nodded. "Not many things about motherhood are glorious."
They decided to try then to get the baby to eat. Elnid sent Numair from the room, and he went with minimal protest after Daine shot him a look. She woke the cub gently and presented the baby with her breast. The baby sniffed, rooted, and latched on—then shifted into a baby alligator. It's sharp teeth bit into Daine's tender flesh and she screeched. Numair came running back into the room as the midwife tried to get the baby to unlatch itself without getting her own fingers bitten the process. Finally, Daine got the baby's jaw open. The alligator slid down into her lap and shifted to a duckling again, peeping loudly. Daine stared down at her bleeding breast, trying not to cry. The midwife cupped it quickly and healed it with her magic, removing her hand to show a perfect healing job. Numair watched it all with wide eyes.
"Well," Mistress Elnid said, after a moment. "Perhaps we should try that again later."
That night, they were left with an assistant and instructions to try to sleep and get the baby to nurse at least every three hours. By the time Elnid returned in the morning, well rested after her own full night of sleep, the new parents were so exhausted they looked dead on their feet.
"I take it the baby didn't sleep?" Elnid asked.
"For half an hour at the most." Daine fought a yawn. "And would only nurse when it chose a mammal form, which wasn't often." Daine didn't mention the messes they had to clean up all night. Droppings of several different types of animals, onto the bed and the floor. They had tried to tie a small sheet around its rear, but of course with the next shape change that had come off. It had been exhausting.
Elnid nodded. "Master Salmalin, why don't you take your child in the next room so its mother can have a break, hmm? I believe there is some breakfast arriving for the both of you shortly."
Numair, half asleep in the chair beside the bed, took the baby (possum, at the moment) and went without a word to the next room.
Elnid started her examination. "Do you know what all occurred during the birth? I assumed your husband told you."
"He told me some," Daine said, trying not to fall asleep as the midwife rubbed salve between her legs. Then she started pressing on her belly again, and the pain woke her up considerably.
"The babe almost ruptured your womb. Thankfully, at the last moment, it decided to choose human shape and you were able to deliver. If not, I'm not sure if you would have survived."
"My ma helped," Daine said simply. Elnid finished her exam and sat beside her on the bed.
"I'm sure she did, dear."
Daine looked at her, wide-eyed. "You didn't feel her presence?"
"The only presence I felt was the urgency to save your life," the midwife answered back sternly. Daine bit her tongue. If Elnid didn't want to believe her ma had saved Daine's life, she wasn't going to waste the breath arguing. She was too tired.
"I had to heal your womb extensively," Elnid continued, "but I believe all will be well for your next child."
Daine almost laughed at that. "I don't know if there will be a next child, after all this."
Elnid just smiled at her in a knowing way, which annoyed Daine. "Your tearing was severe, but not the worst I have seen. You will need to abstain for a few weeks, until I tell you all is healed."
"You don't have to worry about that, either," Daine muttered. She was fairly certain she would living a life of celibacy from then on, since even walking across the room pained her so much she wanted to cry. The thought of sex…she shook her head.
"Duke Baird is coming to check your blood levels later. It was a very complicated spell he preformed. I know you do not eat much meat, so we will have to make sure you have a lot red and green vegetables in the coming weeks to get your blood back to where it needs to be." Elnid sighed. "All in all, the fact that you survived this is a miracle. Now we just have to sort out what to do with the child."
"My ma said she will set the baby to straights." Though Daine had no idea how. "I hope I can get in contact with her today about it all."
Elnid nodded, and they both heard the cry of a human baby in the next room. The door opened, and Numair came back in, holding a baby girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs.
"I believe she is hungry," he said, and was smiling despite his exhaustion. Daine smiled, too, and held her arms out for the baby. Unlacing her nightgown, she put the child to her breast to nurse. The baby latched on and took deep gulps. Daine sighed in relief and felt tears spilling down her cheeks. The exhaustion and the birth had made her so very emotional, and she was getting tired of it.
"It seems your milk has come in," Elnid commented, watching the baby. Daine had realized the same thing that morning, too - her breasts were the size and feel of hard, ripe melons, and tender to the touch. "If the child will stay human once it has finished eating, we need to try to weigh it. I need to prepare you a tea in the meantime."
Numair sat in his chair as Elnid left the room. He watched for a few moments before saying quietly, "Your breasts look wonderful."
She gave him a sharp look. "Don't you start."
"I'm just trying to complement you, dearest." He gave her a mischievous grin.
"They also hurt, and are so heavy they feel like watermelons."
"I was thinking more in the cantaloupe family."
She glared at him, and he laughed and leaned forwards to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'll stop." He stroked the baby's head, which was covered with a dusting of dark hair. "This is how the baby looked, when it was born. I though she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen."
"I didn't get to see her," Daine said quietly, trying to remember through the haze of those awful moments.
"I know. I'm sorry. She didn't stay this way long, if its any consolation."
"If the baby doesn't choose a shape, what will we do?" Daine asked, looking into his dark eyes.
"Love it. Care for it." He smiled. "Figure it out together, like we always have." He kissed her forehead, and Elnid appeared again with her tea. The baby finished nursing, burped, and shifted to tiny owlet.
The next few days went by in a slow, exhausting haze. The baby would sleep all day and cry most of the night. Nursing was still a struggle, and the baby rarely ate for long before choosing a shape that would hurt its mother. After three days of this, the midwife declared Daine recovered enough to function without extra help. Elnid and her assistants packed up their things and left the new parents with their shape shifting child.
Daine had tried to summon the badger for several days, to no avail. Finally, the day after the midwives deserted them, he appeared. Daine was still on childbed, only strong enough to stand for a few moments at a time. She was, at the moment, asleep with the child, in the shape of a baby raccoon, with Numair asleep beside them. The badger waddled up in between them and stuck his wet nose inside her ear. She woke with a start, sitting up and awakening the baby, who let out a cry and shifted to a foal. The badger disappeared and reappeared on the floor beside the bed. Daine was half crushed beneath the foal and Numair was struck in the back by kicking hooves. For a few minutes, there was chaos on the bed until the baby shifted to a small, blind kitten, crying for milk. Both its parents were left sitting up with large eyes and confused looks.
—Well, that will wake you up,—the badger said with a laughing sneeze. Daine glared at him.
"Have you and Ma enjoyed watching us lose our minds over here? I've been calling you for days!"
The baby reacted to Daine's tone and shifted several times, some of them large animals. Daine pushed herself to the side of the bed to give the baby room to shift. Numair also moved, coming to sit in the chair beside the bed as he rubbed sleep from his face.
—Your mother has been watching you, kit, and trying to decide what to do. She isn't ignoring you.—
"Feels like she is," Daine muttered, and then was overtaken by tears. Numair gave her a sympathetic look and reached out to pull her into his lap. He held her as she cried, their child still shifting between animals on the bed.
"Was she able to think of anything?" he asked the badger tiredly, rubbing his wife's back.
—Weiryn and Sarra are petitioning the Great Gods to be able to come to the mortal realms to assist. Sarra is convinced that she can force the child to choose a shape and a sex.—
"She can?" Daine asked, lifting her head to look at the badger. "She's sure?"
—She is.—
Daine wiped her eyes. "Will the Great Gods let them come? Surely they will; it's only to help us."
—That is the issue. The Great Gods claim they banned your parents from the mortal realms so they would stop interfering in your life. The Great Gods said you made your choice to live out your normal mortal life.—
"But…my child is obviously not a normal mortal!"
The badger shifted on his front paws. —I agree, kit. They are doing all they can. You mother has a plan that may work if they say no.—
The baby shifted to a piglet, grunting loudly and rooting in the sheets. Daine moved back to the bed and tried to nurse it.
"And until then?" Numair asked quietly.
—Sarra says to be firm with the child. Try not to let it sleep all day and be awake all night. Continue your best to nurse it.—
Daine watched as the piglet shifted to a baby snapping turtle. She pulled its jaws away before it could bite her. "I'll keep trying, but the midwife thinks the babe isn't eating enough."
—Sarra says the baby will be fine. Just be patient.—
With that, the badger disappeared, and Daine felt like crying once more.
Onua came to visit her the next day, along with Thayet. It was evening, and Daine was in the bed again, the baby, currently a tiger cub, sleeping on her chest. Onua reached forwards to stroke it with one finger.
"At least it's cute," she said optimistically.
"Except when it's little milk teeth try to bite my nipple off," Daine muttered, and Thayet laughed.
"I'm sorry, Daine. I don't mean to laugh. It's hard enough after having a human child."
Daine stroked the baby. "It's so much harder than I thought it would be. I mean, I know a baby isn't easy but…I've cared for so many animals in the past. I thought it would be like that."
"I think the difference is you also have to care for yourself. That can be the hardest part."
Daine nodded, fighting tears again. The queen laid a hand on her arm.
"I was weepy after all of mine. It's very normal to feel overwhelmed. I promise you will feel yourself again. It just takes some time."
"Not to mention what you're having to deal with," Onua pointed out.
"I don't know how I will ever feel like myself again," Daine said. "It's not that I don't love the baby. I love it so very much. But I don't see how I can go back to how things were, or even feel like Daine again after so much has changed."
The queen sat back in the chair she was in, thinking. Finally, she said, "You will never feel like your old self, but you will feel like a new version of yourself. A version of Daine that will do things you could have never imagined doing. You will love deeper, understand more, and do more in a day that you ever have before." She gave Daine a smile. "I promise, you will like the new you. You just have to give her some time to figure it out."
Daine smiled back at Thayet, her hopes buoyed a bit. "Thanks."
"Of course." The bells rang, and the queen sighed. "I need to be off. I will come check on you again in a few days."
She took her leave, and Onua scooted her chair closer. "Perhaps, if you feel up to it, you can come to the stables this week. It would do you some good to get out of these rooms."
Daine nodded. "I would like that very much. I can finally walk more than to the privy and back without being in pain, so perhaps in a few more days I will be up to it." Daine watched her friend stroking the baby tiger for a few moments before asking, "You're sure you still want to be a godsparent? Even if it doesn't pick a shape?"
Onua smiled. "Of course I am sure! I gave you my word, didn't I? We all knew any baby the two of you made would be odd."
Daine laughed at that.