Chapter 21: No Surprises
The knocking on her door seeped into her dreams. She had her back to the wall in a completely dark room, eyes straining for a sign of moment. Terror hammered itself into her pulse. When the door burst open, she lifted her head with a gasp.
"Yukimura, are you all right? Did you have a nightmare?"
Hanako sat up and shivered. Her skin was damp with sweat. "Was I screaming again?"
"I don't believe so." Sonia's brow creased in sympathy as she approached. "I am sorry to wake you at such an early hour."
She grabbed the threadbare blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "What time is it?"
"A quarter to seven."
"In the fucking morning?" That was closer to her bedtime some days.
"Monokuma has asked everyone to gather in Grape Tower by seven." She hesitated. "Are you sure you're feeling well?"
"I'm great." She kept her blanket as she stood up. White sparks filled her vision, but by some miracle she managed to not keel over. "Let's not keep him waiting."
Sonia stayed by her side as they left the room, though she didn't seem entirely steady on her own feet. She looked even paler than usual, and there were shadows under her eyes.
The others were in similar shape when they arrived at Grape Tower. Akane had her arms crossed over her stomach, her wild hair drooping against her forehead. Gundham was half-buried in his scarf, his scowl even darker than usual.
"Come on, we're more tired than you guys," Kazuichi was saying, arms crossed. "We had to walk all the way to the elevator to get to Grape House so we could come here. Do you know how many calories that burned?"
"You're burning more running your damn mouth," Fuyuhiko said, shooting him the venomous glare she hadn't seen since he'd lost his eye.
"I'm just saying."
"Unbelievable." Monokuma appeared, his black and white body stark against the green background. "You're all already comparing just how unhealthy you are."
"Why the hell did you ask us to come here?" Akane asked. "I'm so tired I can barely keep my head up."
"And that's what I've decided to remedy today. I've come up with a new program to energize you, bring you back to the good health all teenagers should have." Monokuma hopped from one foot to the other. "From now on, we'll be doing Monokuma Tai Chi every morning."
Hanako blinked slowly. "We're doing fucking what?"
From somewhere in the room, gentle instrumental music began to play. Monokuma positioned himself at the head of their little group and raised his arms.
"Now, everyone follow along."
There was no discussion of whether or not they should comply. They all began to copy his movements, to varying degrees of success. Akane and Nekomaru both seemed to be doing alright with the exercises, like this was just a normal class.
Hanako let her blanket fall to the floor and kept her focus on putting in minimal effort. Even if there was no killing game, no Grape House, no Monokuma, a mandatory morning exercise class still would have left her burning with resentment. She wondered if she could somehow obliterate Monokuma with the force of her glare alone.
What felt like an hour passed, and he still didn't give them the okay to stop. The music was on a loop that lasted a little over a minute, and that wasn't helping her sanity either.
The next time she bent her knees, her legs gave out and she fell on all fours. Her stomach hurt. Her head throbbed like it was being squeezed in a vice. She thought about lying down right there on the neon green floor and waiting for the pain to stop.
"Yukimura, Monokuma Tai Chi isn't over yet," Monokuma said. "If you're going to take breaks when you're not allowed, I'll have to punish someone."
"Hey, Yukimura, you're still good to go, right?" Kazuichi asked, and she could hear the thread of actual terror in his voice.
He's torturing us. He's not even trying to hide it anymore.
"I'm getting up," Hanako muttered, and tried to figure out how to get her muscles to cooperate.
A metallic hand appeared in the corner of her vision.
"On your feet, Yukimura! We're in the home stretch here. Let's show some spirit!"
Hanako considered slapping Nekomaru's hand away, then reached out and let him haul her to her feet.
Her body was covered in sweat again, and it was making her shiver. Clumsily, she moved her limbs through the last few forms, and nearly collapsed again when Monokuma told them to stop.
"Looks like you all worked up a good sweat. Don't you feel a little healthier already?"
"You just made us do this so we would feel hungrier." Hajime glared at him, the sweat on his forehead making his unruly hair stick to his skin.
Akane lowered herself to a facedown position on the floor and groaned.
"Well, maybe you'll feel differently next time. I'll see you all tomorrow morning, and the morning after that." Monokuma cackled and slipped out of the room.
"He's going to make us keep doing this," Sonia whispered.
"We're gonna starve even faster at this rate," Kazuichi said, an unfamiliar, hollow look in his eyes. "There's no exit, no food. So, I mean…"
"You'd better not say what I think you're about to say," Hajime said lowly.
Kazuichi rounded on him. "Hey, it's either that or we all starve like Yukimura said. Is that what you want?"
Hajime held his gaze. "It would be better than resorting to killing each other."
Maybe she should have felt some vindication that someone was finally agreeing with her. But the despondency in his voice, the thought that he'd also sunk to her level in thinking they were all better off dead, hit her with a sensation even colder than her shivers.
"Are you just saying that so we'll get even weaker?" Kazuichi swallowed with some difficulty. "So it's easier for you to betray us?"
Hajime paled. "You still think I'm the traitor?"
"I'll bet you've been getting food from your Future Foundation buddies."
"Souda," Hanako said, wishing she had enough energy to put a semblance of a threat in her voice, "back the fuck off."
She didn't like the look on his face. He was trying to seem threatening too, sharp teeth bared, but he came off more like a cornered animal.
"You're seriously gonna defend him?" He spread his palms. "What if it's his fault that Mioda—"
She started towards him. "You finish that sentence and I will rip your fucking—"
"Stop." Chiaki threw out an arm, stopping her in her tracks. "Fighting each other is just going to expend more energy. We're better off just getting some rest."
There was a steel in her voice Hanako had never heard before, but it was enough to make Kazuichi stick his hands in his pockets and look away. Hanako sighed and dropped her hands to her sides. She was so, so tired.
"Nanami's right," Nekomaru said. "We gotta preserve our energy so we can meet tomorrow with our full strength." He pounded his fist into his palm with a clang.
If he was expecting a round of cheers, he didn't get one. They all filed towards the exit in silence.
Hanako shuffled after them. She didn't look at Hajime. She wasn't sure what she would say if she did.
As soon as she stepped inside the Monokuma Archive, Hanako slid to the floor and tried to calm the shaking in her legs.
She'd done the trip in little sprints. After they'd left Grape Tower, she'd gone to the bathroom and scooped water from the sink faucet into her mouth until her stomach began to churn. After waiting for the nausea to pass, she'd climbed the stairs to the second floor and sat at the top to catch her breath. Another flight, rest. Twenty steps to the wooden door at the other end of the room, rest.
Maybe I'll be too weak to move after this, she thought, stretching her legs out across the carpeted floor. If a search party ever finds out where the fuck we went, they'll find my skeleton right here.
She tilted her head back to look at the room. It was just as tacky and masturbatory as she'd imagined, filled with statues and framed photographs and a glass case of trial room paraphernalia. It was a monument to a person (if Monokuma even counted as one) that was despised at best. She doubted anyone actually gave a fuck about any of the information in this room.
No one is going to mourn me, either. She guessed the other staff at the tattoo parlor would wonder about her, and some of the regulars might ask about her, but everyone who would actually care if she died was on the island with her. And they were doomed, too.
At least the room wasn't green.
At some point she dozed off, though she couldn't be sure if it was a few minutes or a few hours before movement startled her awake. The door swung open, and Hanako put a foot out so it wouldn't bump into her.
The person on the other side let out a small gasp and peered around it at her.
"Ah, Yukimura. You startled me." Nagito gave her a sheepish smile. "I was half-expecting to find a dead body on the other side of this door."
"Just don't really have the energy to move right now," Hanako replied, though she managed to bend her knees so they were closer to her chest.
"Understandably." He closed the door behind him, swaying slightly on his feet. He was already so thin, she half-expected starvation to make him disappear entirely. "It was quite a trek to this room, but I wanted to see if there was anything useful inside."
"There's not," she said, folding her arms over her stomach. "You already know there's not."
"Fair enough. I was actually hoping this place was unscented. Whatever chemical Monokuma is using was giving me a headache."
She hadn't noticed before, but the room actually did smell more like a library, something like leather and wood without a hint of fruit. It was a bit of a relief, and that only made her hate it more.
Nagito walked over to one of the bookshelves and slipped a volume from the top. "No Country for Old Bears. I suppose this is another tasteless parody like that awful film he was showing."
Her lip curled. "What, did you actually expect to find some award-winning literature in here?"
"No, but I already told you I came for a breath of relatively-fresh air." He put the book back and faced her. "What are you doing here, Yukimura?"
"Would you believe I came here for some peace and quiet?"
"Hiding from your friends?" He folded his hands behind his back. "I'm sure they've been very concerned about you since your recent attempt."
"That's none of your business."
"I would have thought that Hinata and Nanami would have put you on some sort of suicide watch, but you were alone just now." He moved to the wall and gazed at a framed picture of Monokuma. "You could always break this glass and use it to slit your wrists."
Her skin tingled at the thought. She gripped her wrist with one hand. "You know, you're shit at making conversation."
"Or you could tie your bedsheets into a noose. It's not a complicated knot."
Her jaw clenched. "Shut up."
Nagito turned around to face her, eyebrows raised. "But that's what you want, isn't it? To die?"
"Yeah, and you were trying to talk me out of it a few days ago." She struggled to her feet. "Look, I don't know if this is some weird attempt at reverse psychology or what, but this is definitely the dumbest way any one of you have tried to convince me to stay alive."
He tilted his head, looking genuinely confused. "Then why haven't you killed yourself yet?"
The question slipped between her ribs like a knife. She had no answer, no defense against it.
The door swung open, smacking into her and nearly sending her back to the floor.
She rubbed her arm and glared at Hajime as he stepped inside. "Ow."
"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were standing there." He turned his attention to Nagito. "What are you doing here?"
"Hello, Hinata." Nagito smiled. "Yukimura and I were just having a conversation."
Hajime's expression darkened. "Leave her alone. I'm not letting you manipulate her into murdering someone."
"I'm flattered you think so highly of my skills in manipulation. But I'm beginning to think Yukimura here doesn't have it in her to kill."
"Maybe you'll rethink that once I put your head through the wall," Hanako said.
"If you're reconsidering killing me, I'm open to discussing that."
"That's enough." Hajime placed himself in between the two of them.
"What about you, Hinata? You said earlier that you would prefer for us all to die rather than another murder take place. Did you really mean that?"
From her position behind him, Hanako could see the way his shoulders tensed.
"I think you should go, Komaeda. And I don't want to see you messing with Yukimura again."
"We don't have much time left, you know," Nagito said, then made his way towards the door. He paused with his hand on the knob. "Yukimura, you're really lucky to have someone like Hinata looking out for you."
Hanako wished she had the strength to punch him again, and settled for flipping him off.
As soon as the door closed, Hajime turned to her. "Are you okay?"
She crossed her arms. "What, do you think Komaeda hurt my feelings or something?"
"I think he's really good at getting inside people's heads."
She rolled her eyes. "What's he gonna do? Convince me not to kill myself?"
Hajime's brow pinched. "You know he can do worse than that. And you don't need that right now."
Hanako pushed off the wall so she could face him down. "You don't get to tell me what I need, Hinata. Did you seriously come up here just to babysit me?"
"What, do you think you need a babysitter?"
"I obviously don't. You're the one who keeps fucking following me around." She threw her arms out. "I can't get a goddamn minute of peace in here without someone trying to check on me. Why can't you all just leave me the fuck alone?"
"Do you really not know?"
The sorrow in her voice made something inside her pinch painfully tight. "It doesn't matter. None of this matters." She made for the door.
Hajime beat her to it and slammed a hand against the wood. "Don't. Don't go."
"Fucking…" She already knew she didn't have the physical strength to even try to fight him. "What are you doing, Hinata? Why does this matter so much to you?"
"I don't know." His voice cracked, and he let his hand slide off the door with a sigh. "You were right. There's no way for me to talk through this logically. All I know is that you're my friend, and I care about you. Don't you care about me?"
Tears pricked her eyes. She looked away. "Of course I do. That's the worst part about all of this."
That was what was going to get them all in the end. At no point had she ever tried to stop caring about Ibuki, even after her death, because deep down she knew it was impossible. And that was what made it all hurt so much.
She dried her eyes with a couple rough movements. "That's the hardest fucking part. I care about you, and we're still going to die here."
"Then…that's it." Hajime stepped closer. "If this is the end, then at least none of us have to die alone."
She froze, her gaze locked on the saltwater smeared on her wrist. She thought of the stage where she'd thought she'd spend her last moments, the aching loneliness she'd felt in the heat of the spotlight. She didn't have to die alone. Not by her own hand, not at the hand of a killer. She could die side by side with a friend. The idea had never even occurred to her.
The rest of her energy drained from her body. She sank down against the bookshelf and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"Alright, then. We can just sit here together and turn into skeletons."
"That's pretty morbid," Hajime said, but sat next to her anyway.
"What, you don't think this would be a good resting place?" She cast a lazy gesture around the room. "Monokuma's fucking jerk-off room?"
"Ugh, don't phrase it like that." He put his head in his hand, but not before she caught a hint of a smile.
Hanako rested her chin on her arms. "Did you ever think about your death before coming here?"
"Not really. I mean, I guess there were a few times I thought about what it would be like to die a heroic death. Like running into a burning building or pushing someone out of the way of a truck. But I don't think I would actually be capable of doing those things if I had the chance."
She tilted her head so she could look at him. "You saved my life."
"I didn't, though." He frowned. "Nanami was the one who made you throw the pills up. When I realized what you'd done I just froze. I couldn't do anything. You were right about what you said at the hospital. I didn't do anything to protect Mioda and Saionji, either."
She straightened. "I didn't mean that. I was just fucked up and hungover, okay?"
"Still, I should have stopped you before you left the trial grounds."
"You didn't know. There's no way you could've known. I'd been thinking about…taking myself out of the game for a long time. Even before Ibuki died."
Hajime finally looked at her. "Really?"
She shrugged, finding it hard to meet his eyes. "I brought a lot of bad coping mechanisms to the island. That night with the pills wasn't even my first time."
She could feel the intensity of his stare on the side of her face.
"It wasn't?"
"When I was… When I was younger, I tried to hang myself in the closet in my apartment. I thought the pipe near the ceiling would hold my weight, but I was only up there for a few seconds before it broke. Water started gushing everywhere. I got totally soaked." She touched the fabric of her shirt, the phantom sensation of wet clothing tingling on her skin. "My neighbors came over and called the plumbers, and all these people were running around trying to soak up the water and fix the busted pipe. I just sat there and tried to imagine they were worried about me. "
You don't have to die alone.
No one had even asked why she was wet.
"The landlord came up and waited with me until my mom got home from work. He gave me my first cigarette."
Hajime let out a short, disapproving huff, and the corner of her lip curled upwards.
"Yeah, that's the worst part of the story, right?"
"No, that's not what I meant."
"It's a little funny, though."
"It's really not. I'm sorry that happened to you."
She looked away. He made it sound as if the jumprope she'd stolen had just happened around her neck. As if she hadn't ripped a page out of a library book and practiced the knot on her own. As if she hadn't left the closet door open so her mother would actually notice her when she came home.
"I hope none of us give in," she whispered. "I hope none of us give Monokuma what he wants."
"So do I," Hajime said, and something in his voice made her look up.
"Hinata?"
"Yeah."
"You know you don't have to jump in front of a school bus or whatever."
"What?"
"You said earlier you were thinking about dying a heroic death. I just want you to know that you're good just doing things the way you have been."
"Okay." He nodded slowly, and she suppressed a frustrated sigh. She didn't know how to put what she was feeling into words.
The only thing she could do was lean into him just a little bit as they sat together.
This chapter is titled after No Surprises by Radiohead. Thank you all for reading!