"How am I supposed to fall in love with someone else? Who on earth would fall in love with on such short notice?"
"Oh don't you worry I have someone in mind". Morticia smiled secretly while she handed her a volatile smelling cup of tea.
"Arsenic, cream of yak or mountain sugar?"
"You put arsenic in this tea?"
"Oh it's not for everyone but Gomez likes to put extra in his. Oh I do hope you aren't allergic".
Morticia showed a small amount of motherly concern.
"I had a cousin, Cousin Grisly he couldn't even stand a drop of the stuff. The poor dear was miserable, he couldn't take part in his sword swallowing routine anymore. The reflux made it near to impossible. Thankfully he found a cure. Just a drop of dragon's blood right before meals seemed to do the trick.
Of course dragons are so scarce these days it's often hard to get ahold in this day and age. Dragons don't give their blood for free. He moved to Romania where there's a nice clan of dragons. They can be most accommodating once you get to know them.
Why it was just last year that he flew in by dragon. Beautiful creatures dragons. It's so lovely to see them in the full wing in the skies. Oh Gomez took me to Romania where we saw a whole horde of them take wing. Oh it was such a sight to behold. I'm so sorry I'm rambling on and on.
Anyway a bit of arsenic might do you good".
"I've never heard of Arsenic doing anyone any good but I'll take your word for it. Now who do you have in mind for me to fall in love with?"
"Well since we get along so splendidly, I thought perhaps you might take a liking to my son".
Lucretia looked at her with a painfully worried expression.
"Well... I don't know your son...well enough to take...a liking to him".
"Oh you will don't you worry. I think it would be wonderful to have you as a daughter".
Lucretia wanted to spit out her tea but instead she gargled it and then the mouthful of tea dribbled down her chin.
"Sorry the tea was too hot. Very delicious but hot. Did you say you want me to be your daughter?"
"By marriage yes. You'd be a lovely addition to our family and we have plenty of room. We have a wonderful entertainment room in the basement. We've have a seance nearly evey night. We bathe in the full moon, we occasionally go grave digging, oh yes we also play darts. I love to use my cross bow. The boys. Pubert and Pugsley love to have duels in the living room. Gomez is a expert swordsman so of course they both take after him. You would love it here".
" Yeah that sounds lovely. but the thing is well. I'm an orphan you see I was in the foster system for ever. You know Foster kids. they have that bad reputation. I mean they could burn down the house or stab somebody And I doubt if you would want that kind of person with that kind of history in your home."
" Oh, Gomez and I simply adore orphans. If you ask me there should be more of them. Since we're on the topic of reputation, burning down houses and stabbing people are really the least of our problems. I mean take my daughter Wednesday. She was stabbing and burning down the house before she was even 10 years old.
There's really no shame in it and our middle child Pugsley for instance, he used to love to play with explosives on a regular basis, but as you know there is a place for everything. Explosives stabbings, burning are quite appropriate within the house, but out in the real world it must be restrained until of course they leave the nest and go out on their own which most of them have. We are very proud of pugsley and Wednesday. Pugsley went to Africa to become a shaman or a witch doctor as they call it. Wednesday she nearly has her doctorate in witchcraft. She went to the best school for it, of course in Belgium I believe. It was a very exclusive school but she was quite clever, above average IQ you know So of course they accepted her. She worked very hard for it. She has her magic certificate you know so she is able to practice magic outside of school. She excelled in the dark arts. when I was Wednesday's age I had a major in spells and hexes. Wednesday is such an overachiever she always has been. Hopefully one day you'll get to meet her. Yes, you shouldn't worry about your reputation my dear, we don't judge.Why we have quite the reputations ourselves. those that don't understand it of course, they'd drive us away with fire and pitched forks, you know the usual. So very difficult to find your place in the world when people don't accept you for all your darkness and inner weirdness. Gomez sees no problem in my family except protection, the way he talks about our families as if we were all saints, but our family consists of cutthroats murders and monsters. Honey, we may seem rather oblivious but we do a know that we are not like the rest. We are weird and we are very proud of it."
" So all of you are just okay with that, with your family's reputation,the fact that your whole family line and your whole family history is full of murder, blood and evil deeds?"
" Why would it bother us? Evil in my eyes is a lack of understanding ignorance the inability to learn and to accept the strange and unusual. That is the real evil in this world, however fires,explosions, blood, murder all those are small tokens, mere trifles. everyone sees death as being an enemy. something to be feared but one way or another we have all walked with death. we all loved him and in the end he becomes our friend. We can't escape death and life does not end after death. there's so much more beyond the threshold of deaths domain. The soul lives on, Nothing can kill our spirits our minds and our souls. We are strong, We will survive, long after the last fire dies down. We will continue our family legacy. So you shouldn't be ashamed of your reputation. orphans are people too after all".
" That's all well and good but still you don't know me. You've known me for a couple of hours. I could be a real psycho you never know."
" Oh, you should never use that word psycho. psychotic yes but psycho well that's such an outdated word, We prefer the word mad or eccentric."
" Okay, I will not use that word in the future, but how do you know that I'm a trustworthy person? How do you know that I'm not going to break your son's heart?"
"Oh come now you don't look like a heartbreaker and you have a trustworthy face I would say. If you however intend to break his heart, I would wait until after the marriage. heartbreaking is best done during the honeymoon or perhaps sometime after it."
" So you're saying that you trust me?"
" Yes, of course. why would I not? You took on a vampire attack and you survived. You captivated the heart of that endearing vampire but now you've captivated the heart of my son. You are a very powerful woman Lucretia. You are brave, sensible, You have a very tragic aura if I might add, You certainly don't fear death, You clearly have incredible survival skills. Oh yes I forgot to tell you that when I do steep the tea I steep it in arsenic So there really was no need to add more to it, so you are wise not to accept my offer of having more. So you don't seem to be allergic to it. another thing is most find arsenic to be a poison rather than a food condiment So the fact that you survived clearly states you are quite extraordinary. Why just the other day I had a woman over here, she was a member of a book club that I had recently joined, I offered her some arsenic. she looked at me as if I was Daffy. The woman acted quite queer, afterwards and then she left in a great hurry.Poor dear she must have thought I was trying to kill her, Little does she know that I rarely kill guests. it's simply is not polite, I was brought up better. You can kill neighbors. you can kill family members but never guest's."
" Well perhaps I could think it over. you know you could let me think about it. maybe talk to him about it. I just need some time to think it over you know. decide whether or not I want to get married just yet."
" Oh yes of course you should be given time. It is a big decision after all and if it is your wish, you may speak with Bertie after dinner."
Lucretia was still not quite sure about this but for the time being she would have to wait until after dinner to speak with him.