IF IM GONE PLEASE REMEMBER I ALWAYS LOVED YOU
YOUR BROTHER WANTED ALL OF WHAT I DID TO HIM
I WILL MISS YOU AFTER TONIGHT
Glancing at the horribly drawn words on the crumpled up note he would find mailed to him in an envelope sent with no return address, he set the car to park, shutting it off and exiting the vehicle.
He stares deep into the forest, the light from the full moon seeping through the many branches and leaves all around, shining down upon him and the sedan. Settled in a clearing, the size of a mile-long looped track, he reached through the window of the back seat, some tubes and rolls of aluminum foil hastily being pulled out. The silence was nearly deafening in these moments, but his body moved almost autonomously. His eyes not blinking once, completely focused at the task at hand.
Far off in the distance on the top of a hill, two anthropomorphic ice cream men sat in their folding chairs, in front of them a small tablet, playing a ten hour long video of a campsite fireplace burning. One of the men turned to the other.
"Uh, is this gonna last all night?"
"I have a dozen battery power banks, we'll be good."
"The portable speaker, too?"
"It'll last all night."
The ice cream man leaned back in his seat, now assured their night wouldn't go astray. He blinked as he saw smoke rising up in the distance.
'I hope they're not too loud...' He reached into the cooler between the two chairs, pulling out a glass bottle of soda.
"…"
He quickly rose from his seat, his co-camper glancing at him confused.
"...What?"
"Did you hear that?"
"...Well, yeah. They probably have a real fire over there." He stood up, stepping forward slightly to get a better view of the smoke.
"...OH GOD MAKE IT STOP-"
A flash was seen before the sound of the explosion reached the two. The trees nearby shook slightly as all the birds, crows, and owls flew up and away from all over the forest. The sounds of many other animals retreating lingered as a billow of black smoke rose from the area.
With no time wasted, the duo made for their pickup truck, driving down the hill with almost no regard for their own safety. As they approached the clearing, they could see only the car was partially on fire, nothing having spread to the rest of the forest. Chunks of metal and glass strewn around what was left of the vehicle. The two parked and jumped out of their truck, looking around frantically to see if anyone was hiding from the explosion.
"...Creed… I don't see anyone."
"HEY! ANYONE OUT THERE?!" He shouted, repeatedly with some variation. The other ice cream man circled to the other side of the car with much distance, being careful to not get too close to the heat and start to melt. He stopped halfway to the side, his eyes nearly falling out of his head with how wide he had them opened.
"Hey, man, no one's around. We need to call the Sheriffs, their stations is close and-..." Creed saw what had frozen his friend in place. They could only see the driver's side of the car, but in front of the rear end of the burning sedan, was a charred unidentifiable mass that had seemingly been blown out of the trunk from the explosion. Small pieces of aluminum foil covered the ground further ahead, leading their eyes to another lump on the ground that could be seen.
It's eyes gone, removed completely from what was left of it's face.
"Well?"
"..."
"You haven't said much these last few visits, Mr. Watterson."
"..."
As he adjusted his glasses, the half-man, half-cactus leaned slightly forward from his seat, his eyes carefully observing every slight movement of his patient. Trying to put together what little he could from his movements.
He laid still. His eyes focused on the asbestos-covered ceiling. As if he was trying to discern shapes and patterns from the many bumps and grooves plastered all over. His body language spoke of a calm, yet focused young man. As if he were laid upon the side of a grassy hill watching the afternoon clouds roll across the sky.
A complete farce, compared to where his mind was…
"...Has anything externally been bothering you?"
His ear slightly twitched. "...Externally?"
"...Do you know what that word means, in this context?"
"...No."
"It means, is there anything else wrong, besides why you're actually here?" A click of his pen, and he began writing down a brief note. "Either loosely related, or not at all?"
"...I had my braces replaced last week."
"How did that go?"
"...My cheeks hurt more now… I can't sleep much because of it."
"I assume this is why your dream journal is empty this week?"
"Yeah..."
The therapist raised an eyebrow at his patient. "You still seem to be… recalling something, as if you had dreams of it again."
"..."
"Am I correct in assuming you're thinking about it during the day?"
"...Not exactly."
The young man sat up, hunched over and with his fingers intertwined with each other. "All I think about is… why?"
"Why me…? I don't mean like, I'm asking for a pity party… But, why did she… pick me? What did I do before that made her… go ballistic? What happened before? ...Could I, or anyone have like… done something?"
While swinging one leg over the other, the therapist leaned backward into his seat. "This is new, Gumball."
"...I think I stopped thinking about what happened awhile ago." Scratching the back of his head, Gumball tilted his head towards the window. Slightly. "But… why? Why?"
"...There could have been a multitude of reasons, Gumball." The therapist paused, taking his time with his next note. "Problems at school, at home, with friends, there's so many reasons that would push one to do such things. Those reasons were out of your control, as well. And while there were signs of this being per-meditated, it's unlikely no one would have known until it had happened."
"Because you did not do anything beforehand that could have prevented it, that does not mean you are to blame for it."
"Just..." Gumball's head fell below his shoulders once more.
"...Go on."
"...My brother… I knew before he and… y'know… then, it happened, and..."
"Their relationship, I assume?"
"Yeah… I..."
"Are you feeling responsible for what your brother went through?"
"..." His silence spoke volumes to the doctor. He wrote down another note before sliding his pen away in his chest pocket.
"Just so you know, our time is up for the day. Unless you wish to speak more. You are my last patient for the day."
"...I feel torn up, since he..."
"...Has he been on your mind as well?"
"...Did my mom call you two weeks ago?"
He blinked thrice, turning his head to the side. "No?"
"They found his body in Sacramento. A month ago, he drove a car off-road deep into a forest. A small sedan that got stolen at the mall here in Elmore right before… He drove almost two miles into the forest, so deep that no one would know the car was even in there. He parked it, siphoned all the gas out of the tank, wrapped the trunk in tin foil, punched out a hole on top… jumped in… doused himself in the gasoline..."
While one half was trying to keep a blank slate over his face from the words being strewn together, the other completely baffled Gumball showed a seemingly-too-relaxed face, as if he were describing the horrific event like it was his hypothetical uneventful part-time job.
"The fire department said at some point, he opened the trunk and tried to get out, but the fire had gotten to the gas tank at that point. He didn't siphon it completely, so it exploded…"
Gumball lifted his head, his eyes slowly shifted to the window. Half of the orange-tinted sky from the sunset was eaten up by a layer of clouds with hues of pink and purple. A slight whistle could be heard from throughout the room, the bustling winds soon to bring rain to the evening.
"...I still think I should have killed myself after it had happened… But I wouldn't know if he would have done the same after… Seeing Mom, Dad, and Anais… the way I found them when the news came out it was him… It shook something in me, man… I haven't been suicidal recently… Because, like… I could have done that to them long ago..."
...But I still feel like it's my fault he's gone… I don't care about what Jamie did, anymore… I care about what she did to him, and how I could have done something.
"..."
"This is all new to me." The therapist stood up from his seat. Placing his notebook on his desk, he picked up a bottle of water, breaking the protective seal before setting it down on the small end table next to the large futon couch. Gumball's eyes still locked to the pink lining of the clouds across the horizon.
"...I haven't felt anything about it. I haven't cried, or shouted, or dreamed about it… I still miss him, but… If I'm gone, I feel that's like… her getting her way, somehow..."
"You believe her affecting your brother in that way, was premeditated?"
"Yeah… Like, I don't think she planned to make him do… that… But… She messed with him to do that in some way… He never talked about her after, not even the day before he left, but… I knew he still thought about her… Like he still l-"
Do-do-do-do~ doooo…
The sound of a piano's loving notes being rammed through a straw emitted from Gumball. Twice the notes rang, again, and again. He took out his phone, answering it as if he knew who was calling.
"...Hello? ...Oh, hey, Dad. ...Uh, no, I'll be home in a few minutes, lost track of time. ...She found what? ...Uh, hahaha. ...Y-Yeah no, I get it if she's mad. ...N-No no no, no I'm not slinging, no. Never. ...Yeah no, I'll tell her when I get back, first thing. ...Dad, who slings thyme? ...How much did you use? ...Hello?"
Eyes widened, mouth slightly open, the therapist couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"...Oh, h-hey, Mom. ...Wait, before you do, is he paranoid or tired? ...Just have him sleep. ...Yes, he'll be fine in the morning, as long as he stays asleep. ...I'm coming home right now, I'll tell the doc. ...Oh, no it's cool. ...Really, don't worry, Mom, I'll be right over, we were about to finish up anyway. ...Okay, I gotta go now, love you. ...Okay, bye."
Moments after tapping on the screen to end the call, the phone falls onto the futon. "Whoops," whispers Gumball.
"...That is also new to me." The therapist hastily writes another note down, before approaching the door and raising the blinds over it's glass window.
"I only smoke it just to, it has nothing to do with… stuff here… but I'm not like a crazy pothead."
With his cargo pants and sweatshirt both in black, the latter having strokes of colorful paint plastered all over it, and the long, underbrush hair that reeked of the substance in question, the therapist knew that statement wasn't entirely true.
"Well, I suppose we can talk about that next week, Mr. Watterson." He opened the door, a slight smile emerging on his face.
"Sure thing, doc." Gumball pulled himself from the view of the sky, slightly making haste to leave the office. "I'll tell you about after, 'cause Mom is probably gonna tell you after tonight."
"That means you'll be here Friday?"
"...Guess so. Later, doc." Gumball waved as he ran down the hall, nearly bumping into the receptionist holding too big of a stack of paper anyone should be holding. The prickly doctor clapped his hands, the lights in the room turning off as he closed the door.
The town tinted in a soft blue hue, the tiny droplets of rain seemingly invisible, the aggressive winds now turned gentle. Seemingly bad weather for most, but it was comforting for Gumball. He wasn't apprehensive about sunny days, given at one point, it felt like he would never see one ever again, but this weather would be a constant reminder of the beginning of his teenage years.
Kicked off with such an event that lingers around him to this day, he knew he would grow up differently from what he imagined. As he ran down the slightly-damp streets of Elmore to his home, he realizes it had been a long time since he ran for anything. Either being late for school, a date with his dream girl, or away from his mother when some idea of his went astray, it seemed he was constantly on the move. Recently, he would simply leave early, never leave her side to begin with, and to the surprise of some of his family, stay out of trouble.
He didn't talk to many new people now. Any old 'friends' had moved away from Elmore. The town once notorious for the bizarre, now famous for one singular crime that had gotten some national attention. Gumball wasn't known outside of his town, his family was kept anonymous throughout the end of the whole ordeal, but he still felt as if people looked at him with pity. As if it wasn't hard to figure out what had happened to him. Even though his recent scent from his new pastime said otherwise.
"...Gumball?"
And then, there was her.
"...O-Oh, Penny!" He shouted from across the street. Ignoring any priors he recently received, he bolted across the road to the bus stop the girl stood under. Kept dry by her blue rain poncho that hid her in the hue of the streets, she extended her arm out with an umbrella open as he got close to her.
"I almost missed you, hey." He planted a brief kiss on her lips. "What's up?"
"I'm off work, Lay-Zur Video closed early today because it was slow." She stretched her cheeks as she pronounced the location. Gumball raised an eyebrow.
"Lay-Zur?"
"Larry added a 'Z' in the 'Laser,' he said re-branding was 'big with the kids now,' so, he changed the sign… And had me write over all the replacement cases for the DVD's and video games we have."
"Ouch."
"How was your session today, sweetie?"
"Uh… We talked a bit more than usual." Gumball's eyes slipped down to his feet. "...I don't know how to feel about it, but… I feel different, at least."
"That's good to hear, Gumball. Did you stay late because of that?"
"...Uh, I planned to… But uh..." He twirled his fingers around each other. "...Dad found my stash."
"...Ohhhh, nooo..." Her face went from delight to deep concern as the words left her mouth.
"...Yeah, he did what you thought would happen if he found it… Mom isn't like… really mad, but… I can tell she's reeeeally upset, that's why I'm heading home."
"Ohhh, hope it's not too bad for you." Penny glanced to both her left and right, before stepping closer to Gumball. "You could come by my hideout on Saturday, no one would bother us."
"I might take you up on that, since Mom probably threw away what I had… Or, Dad ate it all."
The two giggled, inching closer to each other. "At least your sister didn't find it."
"I'd never hear the end of it..." Gumball's eyes moved slightly upward to Penny, but couldn't see her face. "I think she knows you do, too… We'd both hear about it for awhile… hopefully not make your dad too angry this time."
"Dad knows at this point, probably. But he's fine with you now."
"...Really?"
"For the most part, yeah. He knows you're good to me."
"That's cool, actually..." His eyes moved ever so slightly down again to Penny's waist. He was almost certain she knew that as well. His smile left his face, remembering the last few nights they spent together. Unable to perform any real copulation with Penny, given he would be sent into a spiral of troubled emotions either before, or during. Penny picked up on his thoughts as if their minds were connected at that moment, placing her hand upon his chin and raising his head upward, his eyes meeting hers.
"Hey, don't worry. We'll have a good time Saturday, no matter what we're doing. As long as I can hang out with you, that's more than enough for me, okay?"
As the rain seemingly disappeared, for what little there was, the umbrella over the two lowered, the only thing visible being their bodies barely inches apart. The two separated as Penny closed the umbrella, tucking it away in her poncho.
"See you later, Gumball." She winked before stepping away, walking down the street with her wings gently waving through the air, something she usually only does when she would fly very briefly. Gumball looked on, inhaling deeply before turning around and continuing his way home. He knew he might not make Penny happy in every way, and thought about letting her go because of it.
Unbeknownst to Penny, her father had already told Gumball how he felt about their relationship. His consistent criticism of his substance-use, questionable work ethic, and their many attempts at 'fooling around at your age,' was in no way sugarcoated, but allowing him to date his daughter was, in his own words, "Not out of pity for what happened, but out of… respect."
Gumball never knew what he meant by, 'respect.'
He never knew why Jamie did what she did, why his brother seemingly out of the blue took his life in what felt like an instant. He was certain he would never have any real closure to any of it. The answers were lost with those that had perished not too long, and very long ago.
He thinks to himself that constantly wondering why keeps him moving even now, that accepting any definitive answer, even if it were the truth, would send him into another bout of depression, or a fate much worse. That for the second time, his family would have to endure another endless pain that would truly never heal.
He sees his house in the distance. His younger sister in a bright yellow raincoat by the mailbox, waving at him. His mother, standing at the entrance. Her face read not one of anger of disgust, but of relief that her son was home, seemingly worried he might not return again one day. As he drew closer, he could see the inside of his house as the door was left agape. His farther, while not planned but in character, fast asleep on the couch.
Onward he walks, through the cold, wet path beneath him in the darkening night. He'll won't find an answer, but he might find peace in the unknown…
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…
'Beep~'
Rubbing his prickly eyes, the therapist turned to his bedside table, his phone giving the room a gentle but noticeable glow. It's not uncommon for his patients to message him this late, but the sender shown was an exception.
G. WATTERSON – CASE 12-24 – 9:13 PM.
He wasn't too concerned with going to bed rather late, given his job wasn't too physically demanding, and replies to his patients off the clock, in his mind, was sometimes necessary. After reaching for his glasses and adjusting them, he slightly sat up on his bed, opening the message.
- hey doc, its late, but im texting you now as a reminder so idont forget, but I had another dream about the whole thing but it was so weird and I wrote it down in bits but ites enough so I dont forget later, its the only drem iv had of it ever just soyou know whenever you see this -
His eyes squinted, he almost couldn't make out what the text said, from being tired, the overly bright screen, or the somewhat problematic grammar. The doctor beings typing a reply, somewhat concerned this could go on all night.
- That's good to hear you being more open during these possibly important events, Gumball. Can you summarize the dream in a small message if that's possible?
A few minutes go by, he checks his calendar to see if he should schedule Gumball for a visit sooner. His phone shakes before showing the reply.
- …
…
…
…
…
I remember… it felt like I was in the exact same room, the darkness, the damp feeling in the air, the sharp pain… But…
...I wasn't chained up by my wrists… it was like it was attached to me… Like the chain itself was fused into my back.
And I could hear the storm from outside, like how it was when I escaped.
...But this storm… it had this… presence… like it was a person… A spirit in it, even…
...And I saw Darwin… hanging from a chain… he was dead… his body just swayed slowly side to side…
...I had this thought… that him killing himself wasn't from his love for Jamie… or that it wasn't from the guilt of what she did to me… or even what she did to him…
Before I woke up, it felt like… this was all supposed to happen…
...It made no sense why Jamie did what she did… but what if… that didn't even matter?
What if it was supposed to happen?
…
Was it fated to happen?
…
…
…
…
The doctor's eyes nearly blew out his glasses off his head. He'd never heard of something so absurd before in his entire career. The answer would be an obvious 'no,' from him. Not exactly as blunt, to not invalidate anything Gumball might be feeling, but to get him back on track, and to not focus on what might have been just his subconscious conjuring up something irrelevant with his real concerns while he was dreaming, something the doctor was familiar with happening before with previous patients.
- ...That's a lot to take in, I don't think I've heard anything like that before. I can't comment on much at the moment, as it's a lot to process and analyze, but we should discuss it during our next session. Is there anything else you remember about it? How do you feel about the whole thing?-
...A minute passes, before another message pops up.
- ...that was really the whole thing, nothin els I could remembere. I dind't feel sad or angry or scare by it, bcause it didnt feel like it was like,, about what happened back then, but it felt like
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It was about something that was going to happen.