HEY GUYS SORRY I'VE BEEN ABSENT LATELY I'VE BEEN BUSY BUT I'M HERE AND I'VE GOT ANOTHER CHAPTER FOR YOU THIS WEEK. TRIGGER WARNING FOR ALL OF YOU THIS CHAPTER WILL EXPLORE AMBER'S PTSD AFTER HER CONFRONTATION WITH MANCE AND AS A RESULT LOTS OF ANGST AHEAD SO BE PREPARED.
Chapter 34: She Said
SCENE: ANDREWS BEDROOM
(Andrew groggily wakes up and moans as he feels gentle hands on his groin under the blanket and looks to his right to find Amber giving him a morning greeting)
Amber: (Kisses his cheek) Good morning.
Andrew: Mmm it is now, morning.
Amber: (Kisses him and continues stroking) What do you say we call in today? We've got plenty of days saved up plus it's not like death is going anywhere.
Andrew: (Grins) What do you have in mind?
Amber: (Husky) Well hopefully after this you'll be ready for round two and this time, we can both greet each other more intimately.
Andrew: (Moans as she kisses him) Are you sure? I mean are you really sure?
Amber: (Pulls back) Babe I have your genitals in my hand, those are the actions of a sure person.
Andrew: (Restrains himself) No, I mean I just want to be sure you're not rushing I mean you haven't wanted to since…you know.
Amber: (Pulls back and looks at Andrew in annoyance) Wow I almost went a full minute without thinking about it thanks.
(Amber stops and gets out of bed)
Andrew: Wait Amber, where are you going?
Amber: (Walks to the bathroom) To take a shower unless you think it's too soon for me.
(Amber closes the door and Andrew groans at his stupidity)
MEANWHILE AT ALEX AND JO'S
(Alex and Jo are kissing feverishly in bed and Jo runs her hands under his shirt when they hear a knock causing them to groan)
Jo: No, please let that be a robber with manners.
Alex: When have we been that lucky?
Eli: (Outside the door) Dad, Jo can I have cereal and orange juice?
Jo: (Sighs) I'll get it, you go to the hospital and check on Meredith and I'll take Luna at the NICU.
Alex: Are you sure?
Jo: (Stands up and puts her robe on) Yeah I need to learn to make breakfast and you having twin six year olds is good practice. Go, I'll be fine.
Alex: (Sighs) I promise one of these days we will have a night to ourselves without kids around.
Jo: Well even with a night to ourselves we'll still have a kid around because one is in my belly, but I appreciate the sentiment. Okay Eli, go to the kitchen and I'll meet you guys there in a bit. (Kisses Alex) I'll see you at the hospital.
Alex: Bye, I'll just be here relieving my tension in the shower.
Jo: Wash the tiles.
(Jo walks out of the room and Alex whimpers at another missed morning with Jo)
LATER
SCENE: SEATTLE COFFEE WORKS
(Amber, Jo and Levi are drinking coffee and eating discussing current events)
Amber: (Groans) I hate ER days, it's like a cesspool of pain and despair. It's like my life but with other people needing care instead of me.
Levi: I know everything is so urgent.
Amber: Schmitt you pick, what are we watching tonight?
Levi: Whatever you want, I'll be with Nick.
Amber: (Mouth gapes) Movie nights are sacred Levi.
Levi: They were until I got someone else to keep me company and you got back together with your ex. Let's replace movie nights with sex nights and we can both do it separately.
Jo: (Leans back and eats her cheese danish in frustration)
Amber: (Chuckles) I would hope so and please don't say sex in referencing my new brother it is very weird and the fact I found him hot before his DNA came to light adds to that.
Levi: (Eats muffin) Well I am sorry if I am talking about our sex lives like we always do but it's not my fault it happens to be with your new half-brother.
Amber: Okay what the hell did I just say? Are you deaf or do you just want to torture me by having orgasms with my half bro?
Levi: See I'm talking about sex with my boyfriend but you just said bro and orgasms in the same sentence so that's on you.
Amber: (Scoffs) Oh you know what-
Jo: (Frustrated) God shut up you whiny bitches. (Amber and Levi stop) I need to get laid, I need to get laid really bad, so bad I am eating this danish hoping it gives me an orgasm by mouth but it's not because it's stale.
(Jo throws her danish on her plate as Amber and Levi look at her concerned)
Amber: You're preaching to the choir sister. I'm pretty sure the only one who had some recently is Levi and that alone is making me sad.
Levi: I'm right here you know.
Jo: It's just with the kids and covid we haven't had a night to ourselves in so long.
Amber: Oh, come on I'm sure it's not that bad.
Jo: (Frustrated) It's been two months.
Amber: Oh, that's bad.
Jo: Two months, do you have any idea what that is like? (Amber opens mouth) No of course you don't because you go home to your Italian boyfriend's apartment that the two of you are alone in. You're not interrupted by kids or dogs your sister-in-law brings into the house, no you get to have orgasms all night long and even the morning after. (Scoffs) Lucky bitch.
Levi: It's the hormones it's nothing against you.
Amber: Yeah, why don't you leave Schmitt? This is a sister's only kind of talk. Save yourself.
Levi: Okay, see you in the pit.
(Levi leaves them and Amber gets back to Jo)
Amber: Look you just had two kids fall on your lap and you're expecting another one. You guys are in a dry spell and you need time to yourselves.
Jo: Yeah? And how do I do that? We're both tired as hell when we come home and the morning after one or both of them are knocking on our door.
Amber: Okay how about this, you guys can let them spend the day with me and Andrew, I'm sure you'll get all the orgasms by then.
Jo: (Exhales) Are you sure DeLuca won't mind?
Amber: Yeah, I'm sure, they like him and he likes them, I'll let you know when our off dates coordinate. The sooner the better and you won't be so cranky anymore.
Jo: I am not cranky I need sex.
Amber: Yeah, I know believe me you're not the only one who wants her head banged against the board. This morning I tried to give a handy to Andrew but he had to open his mouth and words had to come out.
Jo: Well, what did he say?
Amber: He thinks I'm rushing into things after the whole thing with Mance even when I tell him I'm fine.
Jo: You guys haven't done it since then?
Amber: Nope and you think he would jump on it because he's a guy but I guess not.
Jo: He just wants to be sure you're ready for that it can't be easy after everything believe me, I know.
Amber: (Sighs) Whatever.
Jo: (Looks at her concerned) Did you get a chance to call that doctor?
Amber: Which one?
Jo: From the treatment center I went to, Carly. I told her you might give her a call and schedule a house visit.
Amber: I'm good I don't need a shrink.
Jo: Well yeah, your good now but that article came up this morning and…there are bound to be people not to make you feel good. I'm just saying it's probably the best time to call when you're feeling good and have a plan of action.
Amber: Jo I didn't sleep for three days but that was a one-time thing I don't have depression or anxiety or whatever.
Jo: Okay well I'm here if you want that number again, just in case you change your mind.
Amber: Yeah thanks, I just want to get through this day and pray not a lot of people at Grey Sloan read that article.
Jo: Okay.
(They overhear a resident and two nurses conversing by a table behind them)
Resident: I just can't stop thinking about it. I mean that article is total bullshit, why would Karev do something like that? She could ruin his life and stop his research.
Amber: (Frowns as she realizes their talking about her)
Jo: (Looks at Amber concerned and looks at the group in fury)
Nurse: I don't know why he would rape her; I mean you know she gives it like candy but less sweet and more diseased.
Nurse 2: (Chuckles)
Amber: (Groans and puts her mask on) Let's get out of here.
(Amber and Jo stand up but Jo stops in front of the group with Amber behind her)
Jo: Oh hey guys, I'm just having breakfast with my sister, don't worry we're not sharing cups I wouldn't want to catch anything right nurse Jenson?
Nurse Jenson: (Looks away awkwardly)
Jo: You guys are sure talking a lot of shit. You're worried it's gonna ruin Mance's life? What about Amber's life? What if this happened to your best friend or your sister or to you? Would you side with a rapist over the person you're supposed to care about? (They look away) I didn't think so, I am angry and hormonal so the next time I listen to you guys bashing on my sister I will throw your asses in the covid ward without PPE.
(They look away afraid of Jo)
Amber: Come on Jo.
Jo: Yeah, I don't want to expose myself to this trash another second.
(Amber and Jo walk out of the café together)
LATER
SCENE: MEREDITH GREY'S ROOM
(Webber and Alex are in the room getting an update from Teddy about Meredith's condition)
Alex: Her test came back negative recently?
Teddy: Yes. Meredith's vitals have been stable for days. Her X-rays have shown a remarkable improvement, and her oxygen requirements have gone down.
Webber: (Watches over her) Which is why she should be awake for more than two minutes at a time. Why isn't she? What is it?
Winston: Her labs this morning showed elevated liver enzymes.
Teddy: It might just be a side effect from the medications, but we do want to order some new tests.
Winston: And we'd also like to get CTs, both chest and abdomen.
Teddy: It might seem extensive, but-
Webber: Well, let's do it. We're seeing more and more patients in the same position. It seems like they're finally out of the woods, and then some new problem arises and they just…they just crash. We can't let this happen to Meredith.
(Alex looks on in agony as Webber leaves the room)
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE ROOM
(Webber comes out and finds Izzie outside the room looking worried)
Izzie: How is she?
Webber: (Sighs) She's still asleep.
Izzie: But she woke up before, right? I mean waking up is a good sign.
Webber: It would be if she woke up for more than two minutes. We know how these cases go sometimes…sometimes they just give up.
Izzie: Not Meredith, even when she lets herself in the abyss she comes back, she always does.
Webber: I hope that's the case this time…you know you can go in there and talk to her. She can hear you and I'm sure hearing you would help.
Izzie: (Chuckles darkly) Or it would just make things worse, it's my specialty, right? Izzie Stevens the screw up who blames everyone but herself. I mean the woman gave me a chance to start over in this hospital and I turned it down. (Sniffles) I turned it down and I turned her down when she wanted to help me when everyone else turned their back on me including Alex. She did that for me, she begged me to stay and I…I told her it didn't matter to me. I told her this was just a place that I worked, that was the last thing I said to her and it was the last she heard from me. She has to be okay Richard she has to be.
Webber: (Looks at her sharing her pain)
Izzie: (Sniffles and voice breaks) And I'm such a fucking piece of shit I forgot that today's the day the article comes out telling people Mance raped my ex-sister-in-law.
(Izzie takes a shallow breath trying to stay calm as Webber looks at her in sympathy)
Webber: I'm giving you a hug right now and letting you cry on my shoulder.
Izzie: (Chuckles) And I'm hugging you back and I'm ruining your scrubs with my tears and snot.
(They stand there in each other's company)
LATER
SCENE: SURGICAL FLOOR
(Alex walks down the hall and sees Andrew walking toward Meredith's room)
Andrew: Hey sorry I'm late I had an errand.
Alex: It wouldn't have made much difference if you were there.
Andrew: No change?
Alex: No, she should be waking up why isn't she waking up?
Andrew: Every case is different and Meredith's numbers have improved okay so don't lose hope.
Alex: Thanks, I just need one of the most important women in my life to be okay. Speaking of which how's Amber?
Andrew: She's good, she's her usual snarky and defensive self so that's a good sign.
Alex: Are you sure about that? It could be she's still upset about what happened.
Andrew: Well, if she is she is determined to not let it show.
Alex: (Groans) Yeah she's my sister all right.
Andrew: Hey can I ask you something really personal?
Alex: Shoot.
Andrew: (Clears throat) Um…okay…how long um after Jo saw her ex did you guys…?
Alex: (Catches on) Do the deed?
Andrew: I was gonna be more delicate but I didn't know how. Look you don't have to answer if you don't want.
Alex: It's fine um pretty soon after I think. I mean she had nightmares and she pinched herself to convince herself she wasn't dreaming her abusive ex died.
Andrew: (Sighs) Okay so how did you help? I'm trying to be there for Amber and make sure she's not rushing into anything she'll regret but when I do that, she gets angry at me for bringing it up.
Alex: Well then don't bring it up, look my sister is…adventurous by nature and she gets that from me. If she says she's ready after what happened then that means she's ready, don't second guess her unless she does something that alarms you.
Andrew: Yeah, I know that and we didn't have a problem in bed before, believe me.
Alex: (Disgusted) Okay save the sex stories that's my sister.
Andrew: Sorry I'm just tired and it doesn't help that Meredith Grey is still under on my watch.
Alex: Sounds like a lot to unpack in therapy.
Andrew: Oh you have no idea.
(Jo approaches them with a sad look)
Jo: I heard about Meredith, is there anything I can do to help?
Andrew: (Cranky) That depends, did you find an instant cure to covid overnight?
Jo: (Glares at Andrew)
Andrew: (Sighs) I'm sorry I just came back from the ward after losing two patients in an hour, I'm extra cranky.
Jo: And I'm sure sexually frustrating my sister this morning is adding to that.
Andrew: She told you?
Jo: She tells me everything and I am here to tell you to never mention a woman's worst experience when she is giving you a handy.
Alex: (Groans in disgust) Brother in the room Jo, I'm leaving.
Jo: Wait this isn't what I was gonna talk to him about I need you for this.
Andrew: (Sighs) I take it this is a check in on my girlfriend and how she is.
Jo: Did you talk to Amber about going to that doctor I told you about?
Andrew: She's sleeping and she hasn't had a nightmare since.
Alex: But she will.
Andrew: Okay you're a surgeon not a psychiatrist so I don't think you have a basis on if it happens again.
Jo: I didn't let people in until I hit rock bottom and we don't want that for Amber.
Andrew: Look I'm have her over a few days out of the week if something was wrong I would know. What's this shrink of yours gonna do to her anyway?
Jo: Mental health assessment.
Alex: Prescribe a type of therapy that can help her. She has signs of PTSD.
Andrew: (Chuckles darkly)
Alex: What you think this is funny?
Andrew: No I'm just imagining Amber telling you guys to screw off because she's not back from war with her limbs blown off. If she says that to you, she's gonna say that to me.
Alex: I'm not making this lightly I talked to Owen and Teddy about the signs and their all there if we look at her actions over the years closely.
Andrew: She didn't sleep for a few days, and she's been fine after that.
Jo: It's not just the insomnia though there have been warning signs avoidance of certain situations that remind her of that trauma in her life. Do you remember when she treated Abby with me? She was quiet and she was withdrawn from everyone especially you. I mean she called in sick the week after so she could get her thoughts together.
Alex: And she has been prone to violence which is another sign. When Kim insulted her she punched him in the middle of the surgical floor. She was easily agitated and she lashed out at him and Jo that same day.
Andrew: She's a very angry woman and it's probably because of the way she grew up.
Alex: Okay fine what about reckless actions then? That's a sign too, she risked her career by having a patient hack into my bank account and that same week she did a paternity test behind my back and lashed out when she was caught.
Andrew: Well…I mean does Amber do anything reckless without insinuating circumstances to make her do it?
Alex: (Sighs) Look man you know the signs of a mental crisis so what the hell is stopping you from having a conversation with my sister like an adult?
Andrew: …She confronted me about my mental health crisis and I lashed out at her. I told her she would end up like her dad and to this day it is the worst thing I will ever regret saying. I try to make it up to her by being kind and attentive and the man she fell in love with but that guilt is still there and I will carry it for as long as I live.
Jo: What's your point?
Andrew: My point is she is going to lash back at me, rip open old wounds and pour hydrogen peroxide on them. I can take it just like she took it but I'm not gonna let the woman I love carry that guilt along with everything else she has going on. I want to help her I want to help her so bad but I'm afraid that me trying to help her-
Jo: (Understands) Will cause her more pain.
Andrew: Yeah exactly.
Jo: (Looks at him in pity) You poor sweet hobbit. (Andrew looks at her confused) I've recently got into Lord of the Rings; don't tell my sister she'll debate when I tell her I prefer Glorfindel over Arwen.
Andrew: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Jo: Your dating Amber you'll know soon enough.
Alex: We're getting off track. (Sighs) Well she's lashed out at me before and she didn't regret it so I will take the human dart board position and let you know how it goes.
Andrew: Good luck, you'll need it.
(Alex nods to them and leaves them to find Amber)
Jo: It's gonna be okay.
Andrew: (Bitter) Yeah for who?
LATER
SCENE: LOBBY
(Amber is working the temperature check when Alex spots her)
Alex: Hey how's it going?
Amber: Um good, things are good. I got a negative test this morning and my yoga session is really paying off, I feel my core more toned.
Alex: Sounds good, do you have a minute to talk?
Amber: I have a lunch break for about ten minutes so unless you can talk with your mouth full I'm free by then.
Alex: Okay great let me know by then.
Dina: (Angry and in the distance) Where is she?!
(Amber and Alex look up to find an angry woman in her 40's coming in ignoring the line and looking around the lobby)
Dina: Dr. Amber Karev?!
Amber: Yeah?
Dina: (Stomps toward her) What gives you the right to sleep with my husband and make up lies about him?!
(Bailey enters the lobby and sees the scene)
Alex: (Stands next to Amber) Your Charles Mance's wife?
Dina: Yes I am and who are you?
Alex: (Stern) I'm her brother and you need to step back before I call security on your ass.
Amber: It-It's okay Alex.
Bailey: Okay ma'am I am the chief of surgery and I am going to have to ask you to calm down and take a deep breath.
Dina: (Angry) Oh I'm sorry do you not like me coming in your job and making a scene? That didn't stop your resident from costing my husband his job just because she was a little slut who was asking for it!
Alex: Hey! Your lucky as hell your bastard husband isn't in jail taking the abuse he dished out for years.
Dina: Let me guess you told your little whore of a sister to publish and harass my family, was this your sick idea of a payday?
Amber: (Angry) Why are you protecting him instead of protecting those other girls? If I read those women's stories and I knew someone that was preying others I would-wow…are you into it?
Dina: (Angry) My husband told me you were crazy, like mother like daughter he told me.
Alex: Security get this woman out of here!
Amber: What is it huh? He gets free range on students as long as you get a ring on your finger. Is that it Dina?!
Dina: You bitch!
Security: Okay ma'am let's go.
(A security guard pulls Dina away from the lobby)
Dina: This isn't over Amber! You'll be left with nothing like the piece of trash you are!
(The guard takes Dina away from the scene. Amber inhales and walks away from Alex and Bailey)
Alex: Amber!
Bailey: Karev!
CUT TO BLACK
SCENE: RESIDENTS LOUNGE
(Amber is sitting on a bench looking at the lockers blankly. Levi comes in and finds her)
Levi: I heard what happened, are you okay?
Amber: (Scoffs) Yeah it's just a typical day of getting heckled by residents, nurses and your rapists bitch wife. Maybe I'll get lucky and a fan of Mance's will show up and stab me.
Levi: (Sits next to her) How about we do movie night tonight? I'll let you pick something, even one of those slasher films you love. I'm sure you'd resonate well with Jason Voorhees today.
Amber: I thought you had plans with Nick.
Levi: I do but I'm sure he'll understand. Hell, he can join us if you want, I'd rather watch something you pick instead of that elevated stuff he's trying to get me hooked on.
Amber: (Groans) Elevated horror is so overrated, I mean it's not horror unless there's guts and blood spewing on the screen.
Levi: And I'm already inclined to let him pick. Amber…when you first told me what happened to you, I was shook. I told you that you didn't have to tell me if you didn't want to but the truth is I didn't know what to say to make you feel better. I didn't push and maybe if I did…I would've talked Chief Bailey out of hiring Mance somehow.
Amber: There's nothing you could've done and you would've betrayed my trust if you told her and I wouldn't have my best friend to help me. You helped me more than you could know and don't think otherwise.
Levi: (Looks at her touched) Well if you ever need help with picking out a new place or going all Dexter on a certain criminal you let me know.
Amber: Thanks Levi but I would call someone else, you dropped your glasses in a body cavity and fainted at the sight of blood. You'd get us life in prison without even trying.
(Levi grins slightly and laughs along with Amber)
Levi: Yeah I would.
Amber: (Gets a page) I have to go Chief Bailey is paging me.
Levi: Well, whatever you need I'm right here.
Amber: Thanks.
(Amber gets up and leaves the room running into Andrew on the way)
Andrew: Hey Alex told me what happened, are you okay?
Amber: I'm fine, I'm just imagining that bitch getting run over by an ambulance that doesn't stop to pick her up. It helps me to not break down in anger.
Andrew: Look I know your pissed about what I said this morning and it's not that I don't want to have sex with you-
Amber: I know, I know what you meant and you don't have to apologize.
Andrew: (Sighs) Your mad at me.
Amber: No I'm not, I just told you that I understand, what about that says I'm mad?
Andrew: Your left eyebrow crinkles when you're holding your anger in.
Amber: I'm not mad.
Andrew: (Exhales) Amber please just be honest with me. I know you want me to leave you alone but it's hard to do that for someone you care about who was just verbally assaulted. Please stop.
(Amber groans and stops turning to Andrew with an annoyed look)
Andrew: Just talk to me please, I need to know if you're okay.
Amber: (Sighs) Fine I am mad, I'm mad that the first time I felt like pushing my sexual boundaries you turned me away and reminded me of why I've been holding out. I am enraged that the residents and nurses think I was some whore who traded sex for success with her professor because I choose to be brave and tell people my whole story. (Seething) I am furious that Mance's dumbass wife barged in here and humiliated me in front of everyone and accused me of sleeping with her husband ignoring the other two who came forward. And now the person who started my anger is making me recount my hellish day before I go to my boss so she can fire me.
Andrew: Bailey is not gonna-
Amber: (Angry) Are you fucking kidding me?! She brought this all on me and now she wants to wipe away all the evidence to save her own ass! She did that by firing my brother and she is gonna do that with me without a second thought. She was a fucking robot bitch at Meredith's trial and tried to take her license away because she tried to help a child in this fucked up medical system! I was raped and she's thinking about how the hospital will look because of the hell she put me through. She thought that with Erin Banks and if it wasn't for me and Alex that child would be in Tikrit or some other brothel getting raped for money right now because she was more concerned about how bad the hospital would look! So don't think-
Andrew: (Looks behind her) Amber.
(Amber turns and sees Bailey who looks at her with a hurt face at her comments but Amber is too angry to care)
Amber: Save yourself the fucking trouble chief I quit.
(Amber walks away from them with Andrew calling out)
Andrew: Amber wait! (Amber keeps walking) Damn it.
Bailey: (Approaches Andrew with a sympathetic look) When you find her you can tell her I wasn't looking to fire her, I was going to ask her how she was but she made it clear to all of us how she is.
Andrew: (Groans) She's just angry and she was just attacked again she didn't mean that Bailey.
Bailey: Yes she did, she is angry but she is also sick DeLuca. Look, you need to get her help before she self-destructs further and possibly hurts herself or others.
Andrew: (Frustrated) She is not gonna listen to me and she sure as shit isn't gonna listen to you she made that clear. What the hell do we do? Do we wait for her to hit rock bottom and realize she needs help?
Bailey: Listen…I understand what she's feeling at least in part. I know what it feels like to need help but be afraid of it at the same time. Richard Webber all but put the pills in my mouth, he never gave up on me and you can't give up on her. She didn't give up on you and because of her your not ending up like your father. Remind yourself of that and think about what Amber needs right now.
Andrew: (Sighs and starts to walk away)
Bailey: DeLuca, (Andrew stops) Tell her that until she sees a counselor she's not allowed to operate until she gets signed off.
(Andrew looks at Bailey and shakes his head in conflict groaning in frustration before walking away)
LATER
SCENE: NICU
(Jo looks after Luna when Hayes comes in)
Hayes: How are we doing today?
Jo: (Sad) Oh, you know, just thinking about how selfish I was to turn my sister away when she wanted to help and her doing the same thing to me.
Hayes: I meant Luna, but, uh, good to know.
Jo: Luna's trending upwards, so Luna is a bright spot in a sea of unfettered misery.
Hayes: What's all this about Amber?
Jo: I'm trying to get her to talk to my therapist and get a mental assessment but she doesn't want to.
Hayes: Well, she's stubborn like you so you can't expect her to go so easily.
Jo: (Sarcastic) Thank you.
Hayes: Listen, everything will get better once Grey's back on her feet.
Jo: If she gets back on her feet.
Hayes: Well, I thought she was on the mend.
Jo: We all did.
Hayes: Well, how bad is it?
Jo: Her liver enzymes are elevated this morning, and her creatinine is worse, so her kidneys could be failing, and nobody knows why.
Hayes: (Sad) God, it's just one thing after another, isn't it?
Jo: (Looks at Luna) Looking at Luna is my way of remembering that there is more to the world than just misery and death. At least, I hope there is.
LATER
SCENE: SKILLS LAB
(Amber is practicing her continuous sutures on bananas when Andrew walks in)
Andrew: Hey, what are you doing here?
Amber: I'm just practicing my sutures. Ever since covid hit Maggie made it a point for me to practice my surgical skills in here once a week so I don't get rusty if an O.R. opens for us with the angel's singing hallelujah. I figured one last time before I leave and try to find a new job. On the bright side pandemics are great for sudden openings in hospitals.
Andrew: You're not getting a new job, Bailey said she was just going to check on you not fire you.
Amber: Did she say that after I called her a bitch in the middle of the floor?
Andrew: She gets that it's a hard time for you and us.
Amber: (Exhaling) Great I will be back to the lobby as soon as I finish this suture.
Andrew: …Bailey says you can't operate until a counselor tells her it's safe for you to work.
Amber: (Inhales) Fuck her I'll find another job, I'm a third year and I have Pierce as a mentor I can transfer anywhere.
(Andrew looks at Amber worriedly and decides to talk to her. He grabs a chair and sits across from her on the table)
Amber: (Looks up) What?
Andrew: …Amber I think there's something wrong. Alex and Jo have talked to me about you and I brushed them off because I didn't want to upset you. I-I know that you've been though a lot and I am taking a risk here but I can't avoid what's right in front of me. I…I think you have PTSD from what Mance did to you. The nightmares and insomnia are alarming but when I look back at the years, I've known you I start to see the warning signs of this. You've made reckless decisions that almost impacted your career, you've been prone to violence when you get agitated and it's gotten worse since Mance came here. I mean maybe his visit triggered you. I don't know if that's the case because I'm not a shrink and neither is Jo or Alex but I think that's the case here. I'm trying to help you; Jo is trying to help you and Alex is trying to help but…there's only so much we can do. You did this with me when I was showing signs of mania so you understand where I am coming from. And I know I snapped at you and tried to avoid your advice but because of you I am here and stable. I just…I just want to do the same for you.
Amber: …I didn't come back from war or had my limbs blown off, what your describing is the aftermath of a very stressful couple of weeks. I'm not going around throwing garbage at people like my mom or going out in blizzards like you I'm angry because I am suffering from a pervert coming back into my life. You didn't sleep for a week and I slept fine after two days. You said I was like my junkie father to hurt me and I called Bailey out on all the mistakes she refuses to acknowledge. You lied to my face about taking your meds and I told you the truth about what happened to me when it was called for. And yet you think that gives you the right to tell me that I need therapy.
Andrew: Amber please I'm trying to help you, I'm trying to be here for you. You know you would do the same thing in my shoes you have.
Amber: (Inhales and says in anger) You know what this is not helping me, I am trying to move on I am trying to get past what Mance did to me. Everybody is constantly reminding me and the one thing, the one thing I am asking of you is to not do that but instead you're telling to talk to some fucking stranger on the couch for 500 dollars an hour like that's gonna make a difference in what happened to me. It's not gonna magically make it go away.
Andrew: (Pinches the bridge of his nose) Amber you have got to open up to someone at some point. I don't know what to tell you except you can't keep bottling this up, it's not working. It's just gonna make things-
Amber: (Angry) God just shut up Deluca! You're wasting your breath.
Andrew: Look Jo got therapy and I got therapy and we're both standing better than we were before. And yeah, it's gonna get messy in the beginning but it's better than keeping this to yourself.
Amber: What do you want me to say?! Do you want me to tell you every hideous thing he did to me and feel sorry for me?! Is that it?!
Andrew: No, I don't want to feel sorry for you! I want to help you but I can't if you keep pushing me away!
Amber: (Chuckles darkly) You want to help me? You want to help me, is that what you want?
Andrew: Yes!
Amber: Well, where was this help months ago when I came back from Kansas and everything fell apart for me huh? My brother betrayed me, my best friend left me and I needed you! I needed you in that moment more than anything and what did you do? You fucking broke me! Living with you was like living with my mom and I didn't need that! I didn't need you saying fucked up shit to me like your father did to you and I didn't need to be some fucking punching bag again but you did that to me anyway!
Andrew: (Looks away hurt)
Amber: (Voice breaks) Yeah, I needed you then but instead you caused me more pain and now…now I want to forget this but you won't let me! I am trying to move past that but you bringing it up every five minutes is causing me more pain and I don't want that!
Andrew: (Breaks) It's gonna get painful no matter what Amber! It's gonna follow you no matter what but you can't keep it in all the time or you're not gonna come back from this. I saw it happen to my dad and I can't, I can't see that happen to you too! Amber, I love you, (Voice breaks) please if you can't do this for you then do it for me please.
(Amber has tears in her eyes but wipes them away in anger and stands up)
Amber: (Cold) I don't want to talk about this with you or anyone. And if you ever mention Mance's name again, I will leave you.
(Andrew looks at Amber with a hurt look. Amber leaves and slams the door on the way out. Andrew stands up and paces the room in anger and grabs a beaker looking to throw it at the wall but backs out at the last second and puts in on the table looking at it with torment)
LATER
SCENE: MEREDITH'S ROOM
(Alex is in the room with Izzie and Winston arguing over Winston's idea to wake up Meredith)
Alex: No, absolutely not, it's too risky.
Winston: Look hear me out we know that Meredith can hear us when she's asleep so maybe hearing Zola's voice will help. There have been cases of coma patients waking up after hearing their loved ones in the room, it has happened and it's sped up the patient's recovery.
Alex: You know that the only reason you're running it by us is because you know running it with someone else could get you fired. The last thing Mer would want is to risk her daughter being exposed to this virus.
Winston: We'll fit her with PPE and she's negative so Zola won't catch it if she's in here.
Alex: Zola has been through hell these last two months and making her see her mom in a hospital bed is not gonna make that better.
Izzie: It will if Meredith wakes up.
Alex: (Looks at Izzie surprised) You're actually agreeing with this?
Izzie: Alex you were by your sister's side all night and she woke up from a coma. You and I both know that there's a psychological component to recovery and this could apply to Meredith as well.
Winston: Alex, whether it works or not at least Zola gets to see her mom again. We've tried everything but this and Meredith deserves to have us try everything for her.
Alex: (Sighs and agonizes over this)
Izzie: Alex if it was me in Meredith's bed, I can't think of anything that will make me feel better than to hear my daughter's voice. We have to try.
Alex: …Call Maggie she's with the kids today and tell me if she says yes, I'll fit PPE for a child and get this room cleaned up for her arrival.
Winston: Thank you, I'll find Dr. Webber. (Leaves to go outside)
Alex: I really hope this works.
Izzie: Me too.
LATER
SCENE: SURGICAL FLOOR
(Amber groans as she looks at Sara Ortiz's mistake on the tablet and confronts him)
Amber: Ortiz, what is this?
Sara: (Grabs tablet) Um it's the bloodwork I took from Kelly this morning.
Amber: (Angry) Ms. Patel, her name is Kelly Patel.
Sara: Okay and?
Amber: (Angry) And her bloodwork was switched with Kelly Olsen whose labs you also took this morning for an HIV test. She's positive by the way but because of your screw up I almost told a completely healthy woman that she is suffering from an immunodeficiency virus.
Sara: (Guilty) Oh my god.
Amber: You are lucky as hell that I double checked because if I hadn't some poor woman would be scared to death right now! Because of you!
Sara: I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I just-I called them both Kelly because it seemed more personal and I lost track of the surnames I'm so sorry.
Amber: (Angry) Whan our patients come to us they trust us with their lives and with their bodies when that happens we put all of our focus on them and their wellbeing. You don't get distracted or let your own personal crap get in the way of that because if you do your more likely to kill someone and that cannot happen!
(Izzie stops next to them and sees the scene)
Sara: I'm coming back from a 16-hour shift and-
Amber: (Frustrated) I'm sorry you're defending yourself I almost told a woman she has aids because of you and you think there's an excuse for that?! I am asking honestly Sara do you think that's an excuse for you being such a colossal screw up?!
Sara: (Scared) Um I'm scared to answer that.
Izzie: (Steps in) As you should be Ortiz, you can go and rectify your mistake, Dr. Karev come with me.
(Amber walks away and follows Izzie to an empty lounge)
Izzie: Look I know that you're hurting and I know that you and Alex lash out when your hurting but don't take it out on the interns. They are trying their best in an impossible situation right now. If you can't be here right now then take time off and get your emotions in order.
Amber: (Scoffs) You know what it's not a problem because I already quit.
Izzie: (Shocked) What?
Amber: I am not working under that woman after the hell that she unleashed on my life. She-She is no better than Mance because she let a child trafficker walk around her hospital after I expressed my concerns and came to her and she did nothing! I did something and she did nothing because all she cares about is this hospital. (Chuckles darkly) And now she's making me see a counselor to save her sorry ass again after I was attacked again! God I hate her so much!
Izzie: You can't keep blaming everyone and looking for someone to take Mance's place so you can tear them down. It doesn't work believe me it just alienates everyone around you. You know maybe if you went to see that counselor-
Amber: Bailey is clueless if she thinks that therapy is the thing I need to get better when all its gonna do is make me relive it over and over again and never moving past it! I was fine before all of this and if you all stop ambushing me I will be fine again.
Izzie: You weren't fine, not then and definitely not now. Did you ever think that the reason you did that awful thing in Kansas was because of your unresolved issues? Did you ever think that the person you were then and now isn't who you really are and that all this anger is just a mask to hide what happened to you?
Amber: (Looks around the room in frustration as Izzie continues)
Izzie: You have to deal with what happened to you, not run from it but face it and actually get better. And if therapy doesn't work fine but just-you have to do something. You are running around pushing everyone away and making it so they don't want to help you, this isn't you. This darkness that's inside of you is just gonna grow bigger and stronger and then what? What's next huh? You run away again and hope this doesn't follow you then? It didn't work for me and it's not gonna work for you.
Amber: (Looks at Izzie with unknown emotion)
Izzie: (Tears glistening her eyes) I wish I could fix you and take away your pain. I want to reverse everything that happened to you but I can't. But I can tell you that I am scared for you (Voice breaks) and I just want you to be better. But I can't be the one that heals you okay, and for that I am truly sorry.
Amber: (Cold) …You want to fix me? That is so sweet. The poor cancer girl runs to my aid to fix me.
Izzie: You need to stop and think about-
Amber: (Angry) I don't need you Izzie, I never did. You invaded my life like a disease like you did to Denny Duquette, George O'Malley, and Alex Karev. You either killed them or broke up their marriage or left them and you want to know why?
Izzie: (Looks at Amber hurt)
Amber: It's because that cancer you had is nothing compared to the cancer you actually are and nothing can change the darkness you were born to be.
(Amber and Izzie stare at each other with Izzie looking at her hurt and the Amber looking at Izzie with malicious pride)
Izzie: You want to be angry and alone? Fine. But I'm not gonna let you expose my kids to this abuse so until you get real help, you're not seeing them because I might be a cancer like you said…but those kids aren't. And they deserve the best version of you and not this unimpressive display of cruelty.
Amber: (Still angry) I'm not putting up with your mommy shit, get out! Get the fuck out!
Izzie: (Shakes her head at her) Like I said, unimpressive.
(Izzie slams the door on her way out leaving Amber fuming)
Amber: Fuck!
(Amber groans in frustration and paces the room while Jo looks at her worriedly and decides to rip the band aid off)
LATER THAT NIGHT
SCENE: BREEZEWAY
(Alex comes by carrying a PPE suit and gives it to Webber and Winston)
Alex: It's the smallest one we have, Hayes has questions on why I need it.
Webber: The less he knows the better.
(They turn and find Zola coming with Maggie)
Webber: And don't worry, I won't tell anyone it's from you.
Alex: Fine with me if you do. Let's go.
CUT TO OUTSIDE MEREDITHS ROOM
(Alex, Izzie, Maggie, Andrew and Teddy watch Zola talking to Meredith as she is sleeping)
Izzie: Your Meredith's sister, right?
Maggie: Yeah, I am.
Izzie: (Chuckles nostalgically) You know I knew her sister Lexie she…she was my best resident. If she didn't talk to me after my diagnosis, I would've settled for dying in a resort in Fiji. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here, my kids wouldn't be here. I owed that girl everything…and I didn't even go to her funeral. I was busy building a new life away from here ignorant of all the people who went to every length to make sure I would be here.
Maggie: Well…I'm sure that they would appreciate that you're here now. And I know that Lexie would be grateful that you're here for her sister when she needs you the most.
Izzie: Yeah, she would, she was that kind, she was the best of us.
Alex: Yeah, she was.
(Bailey walks toward them)
Maggie: It was Richard and Winston's idea.
Bailey: What? (Sees it) It's a good idea.
Maggie: (Voice breaks) …I'm scared.
Bailey: Me, too.
Alex: So am I.
Izzie: (Tears up) And me.
Teddy: I need this year to get better.
Andrew: Me, too.
Alex: (Notices Andrew is sad) Did you talk to her?
Andrew: (Bitter) Yeah, I did.
Alex: (Knows that look) I'm sorry.
(Amelia comes and notices Zola in the room)
Amelia: What happened? Is she okay?
Maggie: Yes. Yeah, she's the same.
Amelia: What? Why-Why'd you bring Zola?
Maggie: I couldn't think of a better idea.
Amelia: Oh, my God. I can't breathe. (Turns and leans against the station panicking)
Maggie: I'm so sorry. I-I should've told you. You were in surgery. I need her to live. (Voice breaks) Oh, my God. Please, I need her to live.
(Webber and Winston arrive and notice the crowd)
Webber: What? Did something happen? What?
Bailey: Uh all of it. Just all of it just…All of it happened.
(Amber arrives and approaches the group)
Amber: (To Andrew, Izzie and Bailey) I come in peace I'm just here to see if this last resort works. I need at least one win at this hospital this year.
Bailey: You and me both.
Andrew: Amber I-
Amber: Don't, I don't want to get into it not now and not here I just…don't.
(Andrew grudgingly respects her request and goes back to watching Meredith with the others)
Alex: (Alert) Guys.
(They look and see that Zola is hugging Meredith who is awake and speaking to Zola)
Izzie: (Gasps) Oh my god.
Alex: (Smiles) She's awake. (Laughs in joy) She's awake!
(Alex and Izzie hold each other in joy as the others look on in shared joy. Amber grins at the scene and a tear rolls down her cheek. Andrew looks at her and holds her hand squeezing it in comfort. Amber closes her eyes and squeezes back before letting go)
Amber: (Sniffles) Um you guys are good here I'm gonna go home now.
Alex: Wait your leaving?
Amber: Yeah I just-I need to rest and celebrate in my mind alone. I'll be at your place with Jo we'll be waiting for you, tell Meredith I'm happy she's okay and that I hope she gets out soon.
Alex: I will, good night.
Amber: Good night.
(Amber leaves the group and doesn't let them see her true face filled with sadness and sorrow)
LATER THAT NIGHT
SCENE: ALEX AND JO'S LIVING ROOM
(Amber enters the room with a sad look as she approaches Jo who is sitting on the couch reading)
Jo: (Looks up and smiles at her) Hey.
Amber: Hey, Meredith's awake.
Jo: I know Alex told me finally some good news for once!
Amber: (Grins) Yeah hopefully it'll continue to be good for Meredith. I just hope that good news can rub off on us especially me.
Jo: (Looks at her concerned) What's wrong?
Amber: (Scoffs) Where do you want me to start?
Jo: Well you can start with why you're here and not at Andrew's tonight.
Amber: …I snapped at him, I told him off when he was trying to help me and did to him what he did to me when he was on his manic tailspin. The only difference is he didn't slap me after. Before that I snapped at Bailey and put her in the same level as Mance. And finally I bitched to Izzie and called her a cancer outlining all the mistakes she made when I was an A cup.
Jo: (Looks at her in sympathy) Amber you've been through hell the last few months and I don't want to accuse you of having something I'm not even sure you have. It's understandable why you would be angry especially today, angry outbursts are practically in your DNA.
Amber: Jo that's…that's not it. I am angry yeah and maybe it's just outbursts but it's more than that it's…
Jo: What is it? You can tell me, I'm not gonna judge you.
Amber: (Tears glistening) When Meredith woke up, everybody was happy, everybody was laughing and everybody celebrated…except me. I didn't feel how I felt all the other times I watched my patients at the ward beat this damn thing. I mean I know this woman, she is my boss, my mentor, my brother's best friend I should've felt more joy than I did with Karen Flores, Isaac Garter and Olivia Willems combined…but I didn't. (Voice breaks) Instead I felt nothing, I-I felt like an empty void when she woke up and when Alex and Izzie were overjoyed. I had to make myself grin so I wouldn't let others know that I was numb in what should be a miraculous moment. A man that I love held my hand and I could hardly feel it I wasn't just numb emotionally but physically too. (Sobs softly) It shouldn't have been like that for me Jo, I-I know I shouldn't have felt that way but I did and I don't know why, I don't know what's wrong with me.
(Amber sobs and sits on the couch next to Jo who moves closer and holds her in comfort)
Jo: (Sniffles) Hey it's okay, it's gonna be okay.
Amber: (Cries) I can't-I can't do this Jo; I can't do this anymore. I need…I need help.
(Jo gets déjà vu and continues to hold Amber close letting her know she is there for her)
I HOPE YOU GUYS ARENT TOO ANGUINSHED, LEAVE REVIEWS AND STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK.